Cancergoddess
@Cancergoddess
11 YearsCancer
Comments: 0 · Posts: 77 · Topics: 5
Meeting the kids?!?!?!
Posted by arietteheart2
I read your history and am curious how you would like things to progress with him? He has stayed the night with you and you've shared some intimate moments without sex but you call it "not serious" and "just dating"
Ideally, what do you want him to do? Do you need to have a talk? The dating site is obviously a big issue for you but how do you know he's active unless you're also active?
I am no longer on the dating site, but you are able to Google his profile name and it shows if he is active and the last time he logged on... very easy... I'm a natural investigator by heart lol.
I know that he likes me and I definitely like him. I am ready for something serious with him but I can not say that he is ready (hence the fact that he is still "searching"). I do believe in "going with the flow" but only if it consists of him and actually making it known (verbally) that we are on the same page and wanting a relationship with each other. That has not occurred yet. I wear my hear on my sleeve so I can just imagine going all the way with him, only to find out that, that was really all he wanted. He has Venus in Aries, so making sure that he isn't just in it for the "chase" is very important to me. As I cancer (with baggage) I can really say that it is hard to fully trust someone 100% .
*hear = heart
It sounds like you need to let your guard down and give this poor guy a chance. I mean, Damn! I read your other posts and it seems like he really likes you. Since you're a Cancer sign I can see there being a deep emotional bond. He is consistent and seems to be honest. Looks like he needs consistency from you though. What do you have to lose? Give him your heart, tell him he has it and just leap. In the event it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried, instead of what if.... JMO
I agree with TauryHunk. I read so many times on here and elsewhere about women being very guarded and not wanting to get hurt etc. I think sometimes, and perhaps in this scenario, you're still both just dating and seeing how it goes. It should be fun and engaging rather than worrying about where it may or may not go and what it is and isn't that you have here.
The dating site profile thing is interesting. I've done exactly as you have done before and there's nothing wrong with that. He obviously likes you and who knows what his intentions are. Only time will tell. He's probably still on the dating site as he's still not ready to take the plunge. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you. As stated by the bulls on here, they like to take their time. Despite that, he probably just wants to know you better and spend time with you. It might be helpful to go with the flow more. If it doesn't work out later on then so be it... Have a cry, eat chocolate, move on... Plenty more fish...
Regarding your reply back to him about him coming over...
It's too wordy. Even I got tired reading it and couldn't really find the point you were making.
One thing I've learnt in communication with my bull man is to keep it short and to the point. Not always but in this case the guy simply asked about coming over as he wanted to see you. It was either a yes or no. He wasn't counting on War and Peace!
If it were me, I'd have just said I had other plans that night but maybe Friday?
This isn't to play games or be hard to get. It just means you don't have to go into lengthy detail about your kids situation. I'm not a bloke but a bloke might read that as you saying he's not good enough to meet your kids. They have egos! Be gentle. Chances are he just didn't think about the kid situation.
That my two pence worth anyway!
The dating site profile thing is interesting. I've done exactly as you have done before and there's nothing wrong with that. He obviously likes you and who knows what his intentions are. Only time will tell. He's probably still on the dating site as he's still not ready to take the plunge. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you. As stated by the bulls on here, they like to take their time. Despite that, he probably just wants to know you better and spend time with you. It might be helpful to go with the flow more. If it doesn't work out later on then so be it... Have a cry, eat chocolate, move on... Plenty more fish...
Regarding your reply back to him about him coming over...
It's too wordy. Even I got tired reading it and couldn't really find the point you were making.
One thing I've learnt in communication with my bull man is to keep it short and to the point. Not always but in this case the guy simply asked about coming over as he wanted to see you. It was either a yes or no. He wasn't counting on War and Peace!
If it were me, I'd have just said I had other plans that night but maybe Friday?
This isn't to play games or be hard to get. It just means you don't have to go into lengthy detail about your kids situation. I'm not a bloke but a bloke might read that as you saying he's not good enough to meet your kids. They have egos! Be gentle. Chances are he just didn't think about the kid situation.
That my two pence worth anyway!
Posted by Cancergoddess
Hello Bulls!
The current and lovely Taurus I have been dating has kept up with his consistency and still calls me everyday, etc... But he wanted to do something recently that gave me the side eye... Let me remind you that we have not had sex nor would I define what we have as serious, just yet but we definitely dating.
My Taurus asked me if he could come by during the week (tonight) for dinner. I'm sure this would mean that he would also spend the night (as he did last weekend) and leave for work in the morning. The thing is.... I have two children, which he is completely aware of.... What exactly was he implying by asking to come over during the week?!?!?! I do not think that we are serious enough for him to meet my children and from the looks of it, his online dating profile is still active and he goes on there once or twice a day....
I sent him the following message in response to his request:
HIM: "Dinner tonight? I go into work in the late morning tomorrow 🙂"
ME: "That would be perfect but I'm not sure we are serious like that for you to meet my children just yet. My daughter is very impressionable and I would never want her to experience mommy having a revolving door where men are concerned. Last night would have been perfect because my sis came by that evening and picked my little ones up so that I could recoup from the stress of the day. So I was home alone and hoping to have some comfort and affection from you 😉."
ME: "Maybe we can work something out for this Friday evening..."
I didn't get a response from him yet. What do you all think?? Also, just to get a history of our story, please read the following posts:
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/taurus/treading-water-w-taurus-4990665/ https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/taurus/how-to-make-taurus-man-trust-you-5014622/
What a slap in the face you gave him. By stating what you did about your daughter it's like your saying he's a play thing and not really worthy of getting to know your kids. If a Female did this to me, I'd keep "Searching" too. As a Bull I'd be highly Offended, I'd play it cool cause that's what we do, but Offended none the less and I suspect this will create lingering resentment.
A lot of guys wouldn't opt to get serious with a woman who's been around the block already and has kids, so for one to come along and not care about that is rare
There you go ^^^^^^^^ Male bull perspective.
Totally right with the point about him not being good enough or serious enough etc.
It sounds to me like you need to identify a bit more from his point of view and not always your own. Something I have learnt this year to do more of.
Maybe he wanted to come over and it was his way of wanting to show you he was serious about you by wanting to meet your kids without actually saying he wanted to meet your kids?
As has been stated on here many times, let it flow organically. Stop worrying about crap and just be open to him and go with it. It's what I have done with my bull over the last few months and it seems to be working nicely. Sure, I had reservations, I wasn't sure if he was serious or if he was just in contact as he was bored and liked the attention but I didn't dwell on that. I pushed all the what ifs aside as I knew it's what I had to do (partly through Scorpio intuition and partly through the advice about bulls on here and Internet in general).
Within about three months he declared his 'intentions' shall we say. I was so surprised but so pleased! Clearly he did like me but I think the way I've not pressured him, I've been open and gone with the flow, I've kept things light and positive, it meant he gradually started to share more and he came to the conclusion, in his own time that he wanted to be with me and he sees us as having 'serious potential' and he says he is 'ready to settle down'. That doesn't mean it's game, set and match but now I know his intentions.
My point is stop worrying about stuff otherwise you'll miss out as you're too focused on what you're not getting or what he's not doing rather than what he IS giving and doing for you.
Totally right with the point about him not being good enough or serious enough etc.
It sounds to me like you need to identify a bit more from his point of view and not always your own. Something I have learnt this year to do more of.
Maybe he wanted to come over and it was his way of wanting to show you he was serious about you by wanting to meet your kids without actually saying he wanted to meet your kids?
As has been stated on here many times, let it flow organically. Stop worrying about crap and just be open to him and go with it. It's what I have done with my bull over the last few months and it seems to be working nicely. Sure, I had reservations, I wasn't sure if he was serious or if he was just in contact as he was bored and liked the attention but I didn't dwell on that. I pushed all the what ifs aside as I knew it's what I had to do (partly through Scorpio intuition and partly through the advice about bulls on here and Internet in general).
Within about three months he declared his 'intentions' shall we say. I was so surprised but so pleased! Clearly he did like me but I think the way I've not pressured him, I've been open and gone with the flow, I've kept things light and positive, it meant he gradually started to share more and he came to the conclusion, in his own time that he wanted to be with me and he sees us as having 'serious potential' and he says he is 'ready to settle down'. That doesn't mean it's game, set and match but now I know his intentions.
My point is stop worrying about stuff otherwise you'll miss out as you're too focused on what you're not getting or what he's not doing rather than what he IS giving and doing for you.
People are able to comprehend that regardless of whether they do or do not have kids or are a Cancerian or not.
Honesty is fine. Expressing how you see things is fine. The point is how it is expressed.
As it is still early days for them both then a more tactile approach regarding this subject of kids may have been more appropriate.
They're still learning about each other and seeing how things go so more serious subjects are trickier to deal with and perhaps don't need to be discussed right now.
He knows she's got kids. He's not thick.
She knows her kids and home is important and clearly she isn't ready to share this right now especially as she's not sure where the relationship or dating may go. There's no right or wrong in this. She needs to do what she feels is best here and only she knows this.
The point is how it was dealt with.
Perhaps he didn't think it would be a problem. Perhaps it was his way of showing he's serious. Perhaps he just wanted to see her and didn't think much of the practicalities. We could surmise all day but it doesn't change anything.
His question was a simple yes or no.
She's either free or not.
She said more than was needed too plus it was discussed over text/email.
This is not a subject to be discussed now and certainly not via text or email.
It probably doesn't even need to be discussed that much in the future. After a while of dating etc they will both come to a conclusion of what they both want, it would have naturally flowed there. Whether they both want the same thing or not, whether they reach a conclusion at the same time or not. When she gets to this point she would know she's ready to introduce him to kids or not.
Right now, they're just dating, he's still on the dating website keeping his options open while he sees where it's going with her. Fair enough. She wants him to 'commit' or declare he's serious so she feels better. He's not ready to do that. He's not able to sleep with her yet so he doesn't know if that's any good. He's not allowed to meet the kids so he doesn't know what they are like or how he might see them in his life.
She's wants or expects him to make an important decision without having all the 'facts' in place. I would expect that would be difficult for a Taurus or any man.
Honesty is fine. Expressing how you see things is fine. The point is how it is expressed.
As it is still early days for them both then a more tactile approach regarding this subject of kids may have been more appropriate.
They're still learning about each other and seeing how things go so more serious subjects are trickier to deal with and perhaps don't need to be discussed right now.
He knows she's got kids. He's not thick.
She knows her kids and home is important and clearly she isn't ready to share this right now especially as she's not sure where the relationship or dating may go. There's no right or wrong in this. She needs to do what she feels is best here and only she knows this.
The point is how it was dealt with.
Perhaps he didn't think it would be a problem. Perhaps it was his way of showing he's serious. Perhaps he just wanted to see her and didn't think much of the practicalities. We could surmise all day but it doesn't change anything.
His question was a simple yes or no.
She's either free or not.
She said more than was needed too plus it was discussed over text/email.
This is not a subject to be discussed now and certainly not via text or email.
It probably doesn't even need to be discussed that much in the future. After a while of dating etc they will both come to a conclusion of what they both want, it would have naturally flowed there. Whether they both want the same thing or not, whether they reach a conclusion at the same time or not. When she gets to this point she would know she's ready to introduce him to kids or not.
Right now, they're just dating, he's still on the dating website keeping his options open while he sees where it's going with her. Fair enough. She wants him to 'commit' or declare he's serious so she feels better. He's not ready to do that. He's not able to sleep with her yet so he doesn't know if that's any good. He's not allowed to meet the kids so he doesn't know what they are like or how he might see them in his life.
She's wants or expects him to make an important decision without having all the 'facts' in place. I would expect that would be difficult for a Taurus or any man.
Yup ^^^
Hi Ladies,
So this was his very respectful and charming response to the text message I sent him about the kid situation:
HIM: "You didn't let me know the context yesterday I would've been more inclined to oblige 🙂. I do applaud and really respect your perspective on the revolving door, I agree that children are very impressionable. I have a late schedule Friday 3-11pm, but we could definitely work something out 🙂, I just got on break"
ME: Wow! You're definitely a keeper 😉 lol
HIM: Oh, you're just realizing now 😉
So, after this.... He called me last night and we talked for about 1 1/2 hours. He was debating whether or not he was going to still come by later in the night just to hang out with me and leave the same evening (kids were in bed and sleep by this time). He kept going back and forth in saying that his responsible side wanted to make sure I wasn't impeding on my sleep since I had to go to work early the next day, and his spontaneous wanted to just say "fudge it" and come over. In the end we decided that it would be best for him to drop by tonight around 9pm when my kids are asleep and we can hang out and spend some time together.
We discussed a lot last night, from our childhoods to our future goals. He mentioned to me how when he gets in a rut at times, he needs someone to pressure him to make decisions on things. He said that when he feels under pressure about something he is more inclined to go for it. (not sure if he was hinting relationship pressure or not). I informed him that I'd help to put pressure on him when he needed it. We also found out that we like a lot of the same things (comedians, tv shows, cars and we are both responsible when it comes to money). Every time either of us was about to end the conversation, we couldn't. It just continued and continued, lol. He also created a "safety word" that he used a few times last night. This "safety word or phrase" implied whether or not he was comfortable talking about a certain subject. So when we ran over in a few of his conversations, he would say, "I'm ejecting myself from this airplane" or "I'm gonna change my seat", lol. It was silly and we laughed about it. He even made mention that our conversation was really deep and how he enjoyed it.
I believe our bond is strengthening and this slow simmering is nice.... But I have to admit, I am so ready to take it to the next level (sexually). I am just not sure if it is the right move to make. We have been dating now
So this was his very respectful and charming response to the text message I sent him about the kid situation:
HIM: "You didn't let me know the context yesterday I would've been more inclined to oblige 🙂. I do applaud and really respect your perspective on the revolving door, I agree that children are very impressionable. I have a late schedule Friday 3-11pm, but we could definitely work something out 🙂, I just got on break"
ME: Wow! You're definitely a keeper 😉 lol
HIM: Oh, you're just realizing now 😉
So, after this.... He called me last night and we talked for about 1 1/2 hours. He was debating whether or not he was going to still come by later in the night just to hang out with me and leave the same evening (kids were in bed and sleep by this time). He kept going back and forth in saying that his responsible side wanted to make sure I wasn't impeding on my sleep since I had to go to work early the next day, and his spontaneous wanted to just say "fudge it" and come over. In the end we decided that it would be best for him to drop by tonight around 9pm when my kids are asleep and we can hang out and spend some time together.
We discussed a lot last night, from our childhoods to our future goals. He mentioned to me how when he gets in a rut at times, he needs someone to pressure him to make decisions on things. He said that when he feels under pressure about something he is more inclined to go for it. (not sure if he was hinting relationship pressure or not). I informed him that I'd help to put pressure on him when he needed it. We also found out that we like a lot of the same things (comedians, tv shows, cars and we are both responsible when it comes to money). Every time either of us was about to end the conversation, we couldn't. It just continued and continued, lol. He also created a "safety word" that he used a few times last night. This "safety word or phrase" implied whether or not he was comfortable talking about a certain subject. So when we ran over in a few of his conversations, he would say, "I'm ejecting myself from this airplane" or "I'm gonna change my seat", lol. It was silly and we laughed about it. He even made mention that our conversation was really deep and how he enjoyed it.
I believe our bond is strengthening and this slow simmering is nice.... But I have to admit, I am so ready to take it to the next level (sexually). I am just not sure if it is the right move to make. We have been dating now
....dating now for exactly 1 1/2 months. He is at the peak of his persistence with daily phone calls, text messages, etc... All of this without sex.
Question is... Will things change after sexual relations?!? Will it get better? Or will things slow down? Should I be asking him this question? HELP!!!! lol
(FYI All of the advice you all give is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!)
GO
WITH
THE
FLOW
AND
STOP
WORRYING
:-)
WITH
THE
FLOW
AND
STOP
WORRYING
:-)
If you're still questioning it then you're probably not ready. Body says yes but brain/heart say no.
Go with the flow. If you feel ready then take the plunge. If you don't then hold off a little longer. He's not going anywhere. Sounds good that you talked though. Just build on that a bit more.
Stop worrying, you must feel exhausted!!! I know I am just reading it all!!!
Very good news though CancerGoddess. Pleased for you 😄
Go with the flow. If you feel ready then take the plunge. If you don't then hold off a little longer. He's not going anywhere. Sounds good that you talked though. Just build on that a bit more.
Stop worrying, you must feel exhausted!!! I know I am just reading it all!!!
Very good news though CancerGoddess. Pleased for you 😄
Posted by Cancergoddess
Question is... Will things change after sexual relations?!?
ABSOLUTELY but aren't they suppose to?
The beginning stage of any realtionship is so awesome. However, it is not practical to keep up that level of interest over the long haul. It has to taper off. That is normal. If you realize this, then it will not send you into a tailspin when it happens.
On another note, I hope he is dating you. Guys nowadays seem to be ok with just coming over an sitting on the couch. I read an article about it called "Sofa Dating".
It sounds like you have control over your emotions right now so try and retain that.
He is a Taurus so it's going to be GREAT but then that's when WE (woman) start to get all in our feelings and overreact to every little thing.
I think you are doing an amazing job thus far.
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The current and lovely Taurus I have been dating has kept up with his consistency and still calls me everyday, etc... But he wanted to do something recently that gave me the side eye... Let me remind you that we have not had sex nor would I define what we have as serious, just yet but we definitely dating.
My Taurus asked me if he could come by during the week (tonight) for dinner. I'm sure this would mean that he would also spend the night (as he did last weekend) and leave for work in the morning. The thing is.... I have two children, which he is completely aware of.... What exactly was he implying by asking to come over during the week?!?!?! I do not think that we are serious enough for him to meet my children and from the looks of it, his online dating profile is still active and he goes on there once or twice a day....
I sent him the following message in response to his request:
HIM: "Dinner tonight? I go into work in the late morning tomorrow 🙂"
ME: "That would be perfect but I'm not sure we are serious like that for you to meet my children just yet. My daughter is very impressionable and I would never want her to experience mommy having a revolving door where men are concerned. Last night would have been perfect because my sis came by that evening and picked my little ones up so that I could recoup from the stress of the day. So I was home alone and hoping to have some comfort and affection from you 😉."
ME: "Maybe we can work something out for this Friday evening..."
I didn't get a response from him yet. What do you all think?? Also, just to get a history of our story, please read the following posts:
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/taurus/treading-water-w-taurus-4990665/ https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/taurus/how-to-make-taurus-man-trust-you-5014622/