Do you want to know (Page 2)

You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Smidge
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Smidge
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by Smidge
going back to what i said previously... i wouldn't mind if they were dating other people, that's not an issue for me, they can do what they like they're single.

but i'd want to know, so that i didn't feel like an idiot.


Would you ask them directly or you'd wait for them to tell you?


i wouldn't pry but if the conversation was naturally going in that direction then i might bring it up.


"How was the other one......better or worse than me*?

Lol




lol

"soooo.. would you say i'm the best you've had this week..." >_>

click to expand

😆
Profile picture of earlorg16
fronto
@earlorg16
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 130 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 39
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by earlorg16
Her response is completely up to her, that is assuming we're in the beginning stages of seeing each other. I would prefer she tell me if she were on a date, but if she doesn't want to reveal it, I have no issues with that. I'm sure I'd find out in the future anyway, especially if we did end up dating.
It seems to me that you feel it is cool for both parties to keep the options open in the early stage?

Based on your experience, how many dates or how much time you'd spend with her (e.g 2-3 months) before you decide that you should become more seriously and be exclusive?
click to expand

I'm open to that idea sure, obviously that depends on the person. If that person wants to date others to sort out her options, go for it, just know that I may have a time limit on my end or vice versa. Usually on my end, if I've gone on 3-5 dates with you already, I'll usually know where I stand on things. It varies from person to person, but sometimes I've gone on one date only and I'll know then and there that I want to be exclusive. I may not propose it to them until they bring it up first. Sometimes it takes longer, like 3-5 dates or more. Though usually if it exceeds 3-5 dates, and it's really gone no where, I tend to just move onto the next. The ones that have worked best for me have been the ones where we hit it off pretty instantly. As a Taurus, if you somehow already have me comfortable around you without feeling judged or whatever, and it's only our first date? To me, you're like a 98% keeper, because that simply just rarely ever happens with anyone.
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by tiziani
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by tiziani
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by tiziani
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by tiziani
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by tiziani
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by tiziani
It sounds awkward.
It is awkward. 😄



@OP

Unless you've established a commitment, it

would kind of fall in the NOYB category.

If you want exclusivity, you have to ask for it.

🙂
Lol it sounds like a reminder of why I avoided dating.

And men asking for exclusivity sounds awkward to me. In all seriousness.


Do you think it should be presumed or avoided

or... I'm a little confused.



😕


I'm sort of parallel to cvurko's thinking: other men don't matter. The problems (if there are any) between her and I would be our own to sort out.


Do you think that if she likes you, she will stop talking to other guys naturally anyways?
I think that depends on the person.


So how do you know where you stand with the girl then? 😕


Vageenka said something I relate to in another thread about getting to know one another's values and that's very solid ground.
How early do you bring up this kind of discussion?


I'd say 6 months to a year is when we've known the truth about where we really stand.

click to expand

I hope more people are as chill/patient as you are 🙂
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by earlorg16
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by earlorg16
Her response is completely up to her, that is assuming we're in the beginning stages of seeing each other. I would prefer she tell me if she were on a date, but if she doesn't want to reveal it, I have no issues with that. I'm sure I'd find out in the future anyway, especially if we did end up dating.
It seems to me that you feel it is cool for both parties to keep the options open in the early stage?

Based on your experience, how many dates or how much time you'd spend with her (e.g 2-3 months) before you decide that you should become more seriously and be exclusive?
I'm open to that idea sure, obviously that depends on the person. If that person wants to date others to sort out her options, go for it, just know that I may have a time limit on my end or vice versa. Usually on my end, if I've gone on 3-5 dates with you already, I'll usually know where I stand on things. It varies from person to person, but sometimes I've gone on one date only and I'll know then and there that I want to be exclusive. I may not propose it to them until they bring it up first. Sometimes it takes longer, like 3-5 dates or more. Though usually if it exceeds 3-5 dates, and it's really gone no where, I tend to just move onto the next. The ones that have worked best for me have been the ones where we hit it off pretty instantly. As a Taurus, if you somehow already have me comfortable around you without feeling judged or whatever, and it's only our first date? To me, you're like a 98% keeper, because that simply just rarely ever happens with anyone.
click to expand

Wow, you are a fast moving Taurus! I agree that usually after 3-5 dates, things can either get more serious or it just fades.
Profile picture of earlorg16
fronto
@earlorg16
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 130 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 39
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by earlorg16
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by earlorg16
Her response is completely up to her, that is assuming we're in the beginning stages of seeing each other. I would prefer she tell me if she were on a date, but if she doesn't want to reveal it, I have no issues with that. I'm sure I'd find out in the future anyway, especially if we did end up dating.
It seems to me that you feel it is cool for both parties to keep the options open in the early stage?

Based on your experience, how many dates or how much time you'd spend with her (e.g 2-3 months) before you decide that you should become more seriously and be exclusive?
I'm open to that idea sure, obviously that depends on the person. If that person wants to date others to sort out her options, go for it, just know that I may have a time limit on my end or vice versa. Usually on my end, if I've gone on 3-5 dates with you already, I'll usually know where I stand on things. It varies from person to person, but sometimes I've gone on one date only and I'll know then and there that I want to be exclusive. I may not propose it to them until they bring it up first. Sometimes it takes longer, like 3-5 dates or more. Though usually if it exceeds 3-5 dates, and it's really gone no where, I tend to just move onto the next. The ones that have worked best for me have been the ones where we hit it off pretty instantly. As a Taurus, if you somehow already have me comfortable around you without feeling judged or whatever, and it's only our first date? To me, you're like a 98% keeper, because that simply just rarely ever happens with anyone.
Wow, you are a fast moving Taurus! I agree that usually after 3-5 dates, things can either get more serious or it just fades.
click to expand

My Aries-Venus and Gemini-Mars don't help. I'm a pretty quick Taurus yeah. I blame my air/fire placements 😄
Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Comments: 4 · Posts: 358 · Topics: 16
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by TeddyBearMD
When a bitch tells me that she's dating around, I don't take her seriously anymore. And I definitely quit paying for her fucking meals and shit. I'm not going to be just another simp that pays for you to eat every week.

On top of that, if we date, and she's still "dating around". Obviously she's not that into me, so fuck that bitch.
So do you ask her if she's seeing other people when you ask her out on a first date?
click to expand

I would normally know that information before even asking her out in the first place. If by chance, that information happened to slip through the cracks, i'm dropping her before a second date occurs for sure.
Profile picture of BubbleLeaf
BubbleLeaf
@BubbleLeaf
9 Years

Comments: 5 · Posts: 76 · Topics: 2
Posted by tiziani
Posted by BubbleLeaf
Posted by tiziani
Unless it's marriage. That's fair game.


How do you get to marriage without the dating stage


We might just be splitting hairs at this point.

What I understand as "dating" is a set of standards and expected behaviour that I feel I have zero experience with, when I read about it on here.

I spend time with the woman I'm interested in and you or others might call that "the dating stage" or not. I've never been married but I definitely picture myself as the one asking for marriage, whereas I don't picture myself ever asking a woman to be exclusive.
click to expand

I get what you mean. Sounds like you're not into the boyfriend/ girlfriend stage. Lol

I don't think I even got asked out, we just went with the flow, and kinda just knew when we reached that stage in our relationship.. about a month in.. we didn't do the traditional dating thing in the beginning either.

I love him and hopefully someday we can be more.. but we don't have to speak about it until the moment comes. It's just understood it's a common goal in the sometime future. Our actions speak loud enough to know each others feelings and let us trust each other.
Profile picture of Walkergrl
Walkergrl
@Walkergrl
9 Years500+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 940 · Topics: 20
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by leowww
Posted by Dreamyboy
I'd definitely want to know so that I know I'm not wasting my time.
This.

I'm too old school for "nonchalant dating".

I'd wanna know.

Plus.. To me dating you're already exclusive, otherwise we're just hanging out getting to know each other.
I guess then it is better to clarify these things before even going on a first date?
click to expand

I think it's important to establish what you're looking for or not looking for prior to your first date. That gives both sides the opportunity to decide whether or not they're 'in'... IMO
Profile picture of Pisces1803
Pisces1803
@Pisces1803
12 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 76 · Posts: 810 · Topics: 82
Plus on my first date with my Fiancé we both established that we're looking for a long term relationship/boyfriend/girlfriend. Not someone to hook up with or have fun.

So it was a given that we were both on the same page and that we're not dating other people.

Probably helps the fact that we went on 3 dates in three days and spoke and text on the phone daily during the week when we're working and didn't have time to see each other until the weekend.
Profile picture of beautifulsoul74
beautifulsoul74
@beautifulsoul74
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 122 · Posts: 5590 · Topics: 41
Posted by leowww
Posted by Dreamyboy
I'd definitely want to know so that I know I'm not wasting my time.
This.

I'm too old school for "nonchalant dating".

I'd wanna know.

Plus.. To me dating you're already exclusive, otherwise we're just hanging out getting to know each other.
click to expand

Bingo.

First, what a person decides to do will govern their whole approach and while dating someone is in many ways complicated; wanting a committted and exclusive relationship entails simple principles much like anything else in life. Someone doesn't just become a doctor or attorney. They have to go to school, learn what it takes to be in that field...and then...practice the profession...and it is essentially about knowing what it takes to be in a committed and exclusive relationship(assuming that is what someone wants) and practicing it from the very beginning.

Therefore, for me personally, if the scenario in the OP takes place and she says I went out on a date...I'll no longer consider her for dating. I won't get mad, jealous, or hold any ill will against her...not at all. She free to do as she wishes and I treat people as adults. I'll honor and respect her choice to live her life as she sees fit. But for me, realistically it tells me that she's not serious about commitment and the reason is simple...we're creatures of habit and if exclusivity is not a habit in the beginning...it's unlikely to change even if she finds me special. That last sentence may not make sense but if you think about how people "date"now a days...it does. When someone truly wants different...they'll date different. It's that simple 🙂
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Vageenka
Serial daters and relationship jumpers I secretly have no respect for. We can be frans but secretly I look down on these people.

Yes, it would bother me if I built a good enough connection with someone to go out with them and hang out and they're going on dates with a bunch of other people. They would be gone from my life ASAP but not before I drag them with my words. ?
How do you define serial daters?
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Walkergrl
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by leowww
Posted by Dreamyboy
I'd definitely want to know so that I know I'm not wasting my time.
This.

I'm too old school for "nonchalant dating".

I'd wanna know.

Plus.. To me dating you're already exclusive, otherwise we're just hanging out getting to know each other.
I guess then it is better to clarify these things before even going on a first date?
I think it's important to establish what you're looking for or not looking for prior to your first date. That gives both sides the opportunity to decide whether or not they're 'in'... IMO
click to expand

Cool. thanks!
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Pisces1803
Plus on my first date with my Fiancé we both established that we're looking for a long term relationship/boyfriend/girlfriend. Not someone to hook up with or have fun.

So it was a given that we were both on the same page and that we're not dating other people.

Probably helps the fact that we went on 3 dates in three days and spoke and text on the phone daily during the week when we're working and didn't have time to see each other until the weekend.
You are very lucky that you hit it off when you first met. Many people I met online have proven to be not worth my time within 3 dates :p
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by beautifulsoul74
Posted by leowww
Posted by Dreamyboy
I'd definitely want to know so that I know I'm not wasting my time.
This.

I'm too old school for "nonchalant dating".

I'd wanna know.

Plus.. To me dating you're already exclusive, otherwise we're just hanging out getting to know each other.
Bingo.

First, what a person decides to do will govern their whole approach and while dating someone is in many ways complicated; wanting a committted and exclusive relationship entails simple principles much like anything else in life. Someone doesn't just become a doctor or attorney. They have to go to school, learn what it takes to be in that field...and then...practice the profession...and it is essentially about knowing what it takes to be in a committed and exclusive relationship(assuming that is what someone wants) and practicing it from the very beginning.

Therefore, for me personally, if the scenario in the OP takes place and she says I went out on a date...I'll no longer consider her for dating. I won't get mad, jealous, or hold any ill will against her...not at all. She free to do as she wishes and I treat people as adults. I'll honor and respect her choice to live her life as she sees fit. But for me, realistically it tells me that she's not serious about commitment and the reason is simple...we're creatures of habit and if exclusivity is not a habit in the beginning...it's unlikely to change even if she finds me special. That last sentence may not make sense but if you think about how people "date"now a days...it does. When someone truly wants different...they'll date different. It's that simple 🙂
click to expand

Have you done online dating?

Here is the reality:

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/i-feel-invincible-as-an-aqua-aqua-appreciation--7771896/?checkpg=1

I think any girl who is somewhat cute will have at least 4-5 guys talking to her at the same time. Shouldn't it be fair to all of them to have a few dates with the girl?
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Freetobe007
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by Freetobe007
Yes. I want to know what I'm signing up for. Especiaially if there's sex involved because at that point, he could be putting me at risk just to date around and be passive about it. I'm not cool with the idea of dating a man who just had someone else's ass bouncing on his cock.
I haven't had sex with any of my prospects but good point.
Thanks! So what is it that you like about that style of dating?

Idk how you do it, one man is headache enough for me lol I can't juggle intimate bonds like that. I'd feel disrespected like there's a complete disregard for my feelings and like the relationship revolves around his needs/desires.

click to expand

It's online dating. Even if the first date or two went well, it does not mean you actaully know the person, if at all. It takes a little longer for people to show who they are. Also, if the guy's a catch, then it'd be just as likely that he would meet someone else the next day after the amazing 2nd date with you. It might be a little silly to cut everyone else off just because you had 2 good first dates, no? 😕

Online dating is not preferred, but it's just a way to meet more people outside of my circle.

I am trying to find a balance between transparency and too much info here.
Profile picture of Librajean
Librajean
@Librajean
9 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 3 · Posts: 740 · Topics: 21
Posted by whatisthisallabout
Posted by Librajean
Or step it up and tell her u want to be exclusive??

She is in search of her next boyfriend maybe your not making your feelings clear. Why should she wait around? If you want her tell her you want her..then if she tells you she doesn't want to be exclusive then disengage. There are some men that will express their feelings...so if she is the one you want, then go for it..
I think guys usually know if they are attracted to the girl very quickly, but it may take them a while to decide if they want to date the girl seriously...
click to expand

So until then she should date...that's all I'm sayin.
Profile picture of Undine
Undine
@Undine
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 1553 · Posts: 8895 · Topics: 11
When I was dating, I have never been asked by a man if I'm dating others. Of course I did, I'm not an idiot to narrow it down to one relative stranger after a few dates.

A man asking about his competition...it kind of sounds insecure as fuck, which is a turn off. If he get turned off as well because he didn't reach exclusivity some 986 days before he was considering settling down...ah well, he writes himself off...incompatibility at its best!
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Pisces1803
Having heard not so much good things about online dating, I'm so glad I didn't have to experience it.

But in all honesty I like the old ways of dating where you meet a guy and he will ask a girl out and then the courting begins.

I miss the old fashion ways of dating. Definitely born in the wrong era.
The old fashioned ways of dating is def better. The only thing is when I used to date within my circle, everyone ended up dating every one else's exes =.=
Profile picture of whatisthisallabout
whatisthisallabout
@whatisthisallabout
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 41 · Posts: 1963 · Topics: 41
Posted by Undine
When I was dating, I have never been asked by a man if I'm dating others. Of course I did, I'm not an idiot to narrow it down to one relative stranger after a few dates.

A man asking about his competition...it kind of sounds insecure as fuck, which is a turn off. If he get turned off as well because he didn't reach exclusivity some 986 days before he was considering settling down...ah well, he writes himself off...incompatibility at its best!
Thanks for sharing your perspective. Yea, I feel it is not fair for a guy to ask for a girl to be exclusive while he doesn't even know how serious he wants to be with the girl.