Why do Women wait until they are all "Used Up" before looking for a Good Man?

This topic was created in the The Man Cave forum by TeddyBearMD on Monday, October 24, 2016 and has 81 replies.

Why Women Often Seek Good Men After Personal Growth

Many women pursue personal development and face emotional challenges before seeking committed relationships. Past experiences and self-awareness can lead them to value stability and sincerity in partners. Understanding this pattern may explain why women now look for genuine connections after difficult relationships or life changes.

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Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

So, when I was younger (in my early 20's) I didn't have much. I had the drive and ambition to be successful. But nothing to show for it. Wasn't the best looking guy, but I had good physical qualities to compensate for it. No girl would give me the time of day. No matter how funny I was, no matter how good I was with words.

I would just sit there and watch them date bad boy after bad boy while I had to go home and jerk off every night. The only girlfriend I could get at the time had a kid and basically just used me as a "father figure" in her kid's life until I got tired of being used and ended it.

Fast forward to now, I'm pushing 30. Run a successful side business in the mobile game development realm and have a solid job as a principle consultant for a Tech firm. And now most of the same girls are adding me and Facebook and starting conversations to "catch up". I think it's worth mentioning that prior to this, I had never even had a conversation with half of these girls. Their stories are all the same. They got with a guy, he pumped and dumped them. They have kids and no father. Or it's a situation where the husband was abusive and now they are single with about 3 kids.

They're overweight, out of shape, and have all this emotional baggage. But NOW.... now they want to "talk". I've already moved on with my life at this point and are dealing with women who are like me. Single, Successful, and Ambitious. But, I even I did want to talk to these washed up women, I wouldn't. Just on principle alone. One part of me is asking myself why I care about it so much. But the analytical part me (which is a big part) wonders why these walruses feel entitled to a "Good Man" after they rejected me in the past?

Profile picture of enfant_terrible
@enfant_terrible
17 Years10,000+ PostsLeo

Posted by TeddyBearMD

One part of me is asking myself why I care about it so much. But the analytical part me (which is a big part) wonders why these walruses feel entitled to a "Good Man" after they rejected me in the past?

How could these girls have rejected you if you in your own words say "I think it's worth mentioning that prior to this, I had never even had a conversation with half of these girls."

Could it be that they didn't reject you but that you were content jerking off to them as oppose to approaching them, which is what "bad boys" do.

Profile picture of umisaid
@umisaid
9 Years500+ Posts

walruses? haha made me chuckle

Psychology behind it, they probably did not find you attractive because you were too available. That is a put off. Women, like men, like a little bit of a challenge, hence the bad boys. "Maybe I can get him to change" Think of how romantic that is. Also, although early 20's should be considered as a person becoming mature, I think it takes a little bit longer to really get it together and realize what is good and what is not. Some experiences people have to learn through their own trials and errors, which is why they put themselves in the situation they are in without realizing it. If you are lucky, you learn from other's errors.

Profile picture of tcta
@tcta
10 Years5,000+ Posts

They're overweight, out of shape, and have all this emotional baggage. But NOW.... now they want to "talk". I've already moved on with my life at this point and are dealing with women who are like me. Single, Successful, and Ambitious. But, I even I did want to talk to these washed up women, I wouldn't. Just on principle alone. One part of me is asking myself why I care about it so much. But the analytical part me (which is a big part) wonders why these walruses feel entitled to a "Good Man" after they rejected me in the past?

you were not alone with your pain in your younger days - school and peers and all that was difficult for many of us - but try to be respectful at least - you don't have to speak to anyone you don't feel you want to

live in the moment of now and enjoy your life and what you have learned along the way - so that you may grow ever so exponentially into the future ...

Profile picture of tcta
@tcta
10 Years5,000+ Posts

They're overweight, out of shape, and have all this emotional baggage. But NOW.... now they want to "talk". I've already moved on with my life at this point and are dealing with women who are like me. Single, Successful, and Ambitious. But, I even I did want to talk to these washed up women, I wouldn't. Just on principle alone. One part of me is asking myself why I care about it so much. But the analytical part me (which is a big part) wonders why these walruses feel entitled to a "Good Man" after they rejected me in the past?

you were not alone with your pain in your younger days - school and peers and all that was difficult for many of us - but try to be respectful at least - you don't have to speak to anyone you don't feel you want to

live in the moment of now and enjoy your life and what you have learned along the way - so that you may grow ever so exponentially into the future ...

Profile picture of Undine
@Undine
13 Years5,000+ Posts

What makes you believe they would have ended up differently if they accepted a relationship with you...?

Yes, women have children.

Yes, women put on weight when they have children.

Yes, many relationships do not survive.

And your problem is...?

Profile picture of Undine
@Undine
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by DivaCanLeo

Posted by Undine
What makes you believe they would have ended up differently if they accepted a relationship with you...?

Yes, women have children.

Yes, women put on weight when they have children.

Yes, many relationships do not survive.

And your problem is...?

his problem is that young women generally are bad decision makers, i know exactly what type of women hes' talking about, and i've seen this play out.

he's right, they take no fuking responsibility for their choices then they get old and want some dude like mr. educated nice guy to save them.

click to expand

How do you know they don't take responsibility for falling in love or lust and birthing children when they were young? Did they abandon their children? If not, they took responsibility as well as they could!

It is actually what nature dictates. Going with the nature/flow does actually make people happy.

What is against nature, is what you and me are doing: growing old being slim, sucessful, picky and childless! Are we happier? LOL, just look at the dxpnet threads we produce 😄 😄 😄!

Profile picture of bkbella86
@bkbella86
14 Years5,000+ PostsAries

Good is subjective. You didn't have anything to offer by your own admission, but they should have dated you based on your looks? Shallow much?

And how do you know how/who these men are that these women dated unless you dated them too. Also how do you know these women are used up?

So many assumptions.

Profile picture of rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Hare
What I see are a lot of young guys who have this idea they are entitled to the attention of women because "derp...I r nice guy" and bitch about being single while completely ignoring the scads of other women that, while not necessarily up to the guys bratty entitled standards, are great women and would love to find a guy to spend time with.

This is the source of so many dating woes you hear from this type of guy.

Utter and pure entitlement. It's also creating a lot of psychotic resentment and this is why you see this sickening wave of 1950s mindsets coming from kids born 50 years beyond this era.

This whining and throwing tantrums for not getting their way, proceeded by a shit ton of finger pointing (lack of accountability is also another go to tactic for this entitled shit), are usual indicators.

What these total losers don't (or won't) ever realize is that anyone with half a brain wouldn't want to be around assholes like them. Nobody likes a dick who thinks he's entitled to a woman just because he fulfils a self prescribed list of what has to be done to "get" the girl.

If you need to create a "list" or read some sort of manual in how to "get" a woman, it's all on you dude. Fix yourself because your personality sucks.

Profile picture of MoonArtist
@MoonArtist
12 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Undine
What makes you believe they would have ended up differently if they accepted a relationship with you...?

Yes, women have children.

Yes, women put on weight when they have children.

Yes, many relationships do not survive.

And your problem is...?

His problem is he's a misogynist.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by oyes0435
OP wasn't sexy. In their 20s, women wanted sexy. The strong guy/asshole/bad boy= sexy.

The nice guy= mush.

When a woman is too SEXUALLY available, to men this demonstrates low value.

When a man is too EMOTIONALLY available, to women this demonstrates low value.

Women who value themselves don't bed easily, these are the ones men want to merge with.

Women who give them sex will just get sex.

Men who value themselves won't commit easily, these are ones women want to merge with.

Men who commit after one date, or look, or hello= man with no options, therefore no value, therefore not sexy (why make more low value children with this man..etc)

When women are older---especially with children-- they no longer need sexy, they need security. They already have (high value) children with that bad boy who wouldn't commit (cos he was high value, had options, and probably found someone worth his time. which, OP, so should you). Basically the game changes for them when their needs go from sexy to security.

Finally, someone who can just answer a question without taking it personal or jumping to a s hit load of conclusions. LOL.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by Hare
Why are you even entertaining them or adding them on FB?

Ignore them.

Of course I will add them. I would add anybody I recognize from high school or college. Unless there is an explicit reason for me to deny them.

Profile picture of rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Capri-sun
Why do some men view "used" women as experienced instead of used?

OP are you in a small town where these are the only women available?

Why do some women look better after having kids than they did in high school?

Because pigs like him see women as objects.

The OP seems to fall under the "fuckboy" category.

Profile picture of rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Hare

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Hare
What I see are a lot of young guys who have this idea they are entitled to the attention of women because "derp...I r nice guy" and bitch about being single while completely ignoring the scads of other women that, while not necessarily up to the guys bratty entitled standards, are great women and would love to find a guy to spend time with.

This is the source of so many dating woes you hear from this type of guy.

Utter and pure entitlement. It's also creating a lot of psychotic resentment and this is why you see this sickening wave of 1950s mindsets coming from kids born 50 years beyond this era.

This whining and throwing tantrums for not getting their way, proceeded by a shit ton of finger pointing (lack of accountability is also another go to tactic for this entitled shit), are usual indicators.

What these total losers don't (or won't) ever realize is that anyone with half a brain wouldn't want to be around assholes like them. Nobody likes a dick who thinks he's entitled to a woman just because he fulfils a self prescribed list of what has to be done to "get" the girl.

If you need to create a "list" or read some sort of manual in how to "get" a woman, it's all on you dude. Fix yourself because your personality sucks.

A lot of young guys are like this. It's not completely their fault...it's upbringing.

But you'd expect them to grow out of that mindset pretty quickly. Which doesn't happen unfortunately.

Agreed. It's depressing, and depressing to deal with.

Posted by TeddyBearMD
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

click to expand

The only thing women are "offended" by you fuckboy, is that you talk about them as if they're objects. "Used up?" I'm sorry, this is 2016. Why are women still viewed as objects to be obtained as if this 1700?

You sound "used up" yourself with all your emotional baggage and personal issues. Women steer clear of your type, sweetie.

Change your attitude and maybe you'd have a better outcome with women. You can start off by not viewing them as "used up" because life experience happened. At least THEY learned. You clearly haven't. So who's really the "lesser" individual here?

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by tcta

you were not alone with your pain in your younger days - school and peers and all that was difficult for many of us - but try to be respectful at least - you don't have to speak to anyone you don't feel you want to

live in the moment of now and enjoy your life and what you have learned along the way - so that you may grow ever so exponentially into the future ...

Yes, that's why I didn't immediately curve them when they added me on FB. People from high school and college add me all the time, and it's usually not a big deal. Still not really.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by Hare

Posted by TeddyBearMD
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

And your attitude towards women evident in this post is part of the reason you're in this predicament to begin with.

click to expand

What predicament? The one where I'm doing well for myself and deal with women that are in my "tier".

I think that I like this predicament 🙂

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by Arielle83
They dont work?

No motivation?

For sluts, babies = cash.

They used up the wallets of supposed bad boys by getting child support and they see u being successful and you're going to be their next sucker.

If you're a cancer you should of ignored how insincere their approach to you was.

Funny that you mention it. I immediately recognized the insincerity. But I didn't want to be a complete Dick and curve them like some of them did me when I was younger. Maybe I should have.

Profile picture of bkbella86
@bkbella86
14 Years5,000+ PostsAries

Posted by TeddyBearMD

Posted by Hare

Posted by TeddyBearMD
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

And your attitude towards women evident in this post is part of the reason you're in this predicament to begin with.

What predicament? The one where I'm doing well for myself and deal with women that are in my "tier".

I think that I like this predicament 🙂

click to expand

But are you really dating women in your tier? To me it sounds like you thought you elevated out your tier only to reminded that you never left, based on the women you attract. Otherwise why don't you just move on and enjoy the top tier? You really made a account and thread to just ask this?

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by yupvirgo

Posted by TeddyBearMD

I've heard stories like this one before and it totally happens. I guess.. maybe when people are younger (not just women), they just pursue whoever they want based on attraction, romance, physical chemistry, etc. but when they get older they realize that's not enough for a good relationship or a stable relationship so then they decide to go for those guys they rejected in the past who they think would be more stable or could provide for them better.

click to expand

Yep, totally makes sense. Sucks for them though...

Profile picture of MissM
@MissM
10 Years500+ Posts

I don't think its about being used up. A lot of people just want to have fun when they are young whether its a man or women. The fact bad boys have no long term potential is exactly why you date them when you are young.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by TeddyBearMD

Posted by Hare

Posted by TeddyBearMD
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

And your attitude towards women evident in this post is part of the reason you're in this predicament to begin with.

What predicament? The one where I'm doing well for myself and deal with women that are in my "tier".

I think that I like this predicament 🙂

But are you really dating women in your tier? To me it sounds like you thought you elevated out your tier only to reminded that you never left, based on the women you attract. Otherwise why don't you just move on and enjoy the top tier? You really made a account and thread to just ask this?

click to expand

How does it "sound like" anything? You're just taking what little info you have and jumping to conclusions about my current situation.

And yep, I did make an account just for this... totally did that 🙂

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by Hare
What I see are a lot of young guys who have this idea they are entitled to the attention of women because "derp...I r nice guy" and bitch about being single while completely ignoring the scads of other women that, while not necessarily up to the guys bratty entitled standards, are great women and would love to find a guy to spend time with.

I can agree with that. Not exactly my case, but I see that all the time as well.

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by DivaCanLeo

Posted by TeddyBearMD

Posted by Hare
Why are you even entertaining them or adding them on FB?

Ignore them.

Of course I will add them. I would add anybody I recognize from high school or college. Unless there is an explicit reason for me to deny them.

weird, crabs are usually private people, you like to show off i think, you're better or something.

click to expand

There are a lot of things that supposedly fall under the Cancer category that are completely opposite from me. Considering all the "water" in my chart you wouldn't ever think I was a cancer IRL. Just goes to show... this zodiac shit isn't everything.

Profile picture of bkbella86
@bkbella86
14 Years5,000+ PostsAries

Posted by Explicit
Why are so many women getting so offended? This guy is speaking his truth. Get over it.

The women who didn't give him the time of day in his school years are all trying to jump on his dick now that they're fat, have babies and are single and he's successful with a good head on his shoulders.

How disgusting. Hate women like that.

I don't even totally believe his story because as he admitted he didn't even know these women personally. He's amping it up for sympathy. Really pathetic and nothing sexy about that. I can tell why some people may have kept their distance.

Profile picture of Solesan
@Solesan
10 Years1,000+ Posts

What do you take a woman as? Some sort of product? If you stop being objectifying, you'd find a good woman quick. But right now you just sound like a lonely douche bag that has nothing else left but his bitchy mouth.

Profile picture of rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by Explicit
Why are so many women getting so offended? This guy is speaking his truth. Get over it.

The women who didn't give him the time of day in his school years are all trying to jump on his dick now that they're fat, have babies and are single and he's successful with a good head on his shoulders.

How disgusting. Hate women like that.

No shit, sherlock.

But he's no better by viewing them as "used up" and objectifying them, like they have no value now that they're older, have kids, aren't thin as they used to be, etc. FYI, privileged male, society views older women as "less valuable" because they have kids, aren't in their barely legal "prime" for gross creepers, etc. This is what stirred the pot. If this dipshit had left out "used up" from his title, he probably would have had a lot less backlash.

The situation in itself is lol worthy because men AND women do that shit- go around, fucking their way through dating and then realize what it's REALLY about and come crawling back. ...To which you just lol and move along. They aren't worth anyone's time. They couldn't be bothered back then because they were fucked in the head and selfish? Pfft. Bye bitch. Can't be bothered with them now, right?

However, his attitude is no better than theirs so he doesn't have room to talk, tbh.

I also can't help but wonder if this is just a humble brag post. The answer to this is so obvious and someone his age should know this answer already.

"I'm so great now and look at them. Why are they crawling back now??" Bitch you know why. Stfu. Jfc. Sad little boys go on the internet to brag about their financial and sexual prowess.

Profile picture of Solesan
@Solesan
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by TeddyBearMD
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of these replies are funny. People jumping to all sorts of conclusions about me. I guess this post hit home for some of the women here since they got sooooo offended by it.

With this reply it is obvious what this thread is really about Mr. Troll.

Profile picture of bkbella86
@bkbella86
14 Years5,000+ PostsAries

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by Explicit
Why are so many women getting so offended? This guy is speaking his truth. Get over it.

The women who didn't give him the time of day in his school years are all trying to jump on his dick now that they're fat, have babies and are single and he's successful with a good head on his shoulders.

How disgusting. Hate women like that.

I don't even totally believe his story because as he admitted he didn't even know these women personally. He's amping it up for sympathy. Really pathetic and nothing sexy about that. I can tell why some people may have kept their distance.

Yes and he has this "look at me" persona all while generalizing that of which he is not.

A "good man" has humbling characteristics and can bypass the need for resentment and still get a point across.

click to expand

Exactly!

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by Explicit
And by the way, if this thread was made by some girl who was fat in High School and no guys payed attention to her, and then suddenly she lost weight and became hot and the same guys who didn't care for her were messaging her then everyone would be like "YOU GO GIRL, GOOD FOR YOU."

But since it's a man doing it then he's "objectifying" women and he's insecure and creepy.

Too much truth for 'em. They're not ready for it.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by TeddyBearMD
And now most of the same girls are adding me and Facebook and starting conversations to "catch up". I think it's worth mentioning that prior to this, I had never even had a conversation with half of these girls. Their stories are all the same. They got with a guy, he pumped and dumped them. They have kids and no father. Or it's a situation where the husband was abusive and now they are single with about 3 kids.

They're overweight, out of shape, and have all this emotional baggage. But NOW.... now they want to "talk". I've already moved on with my life at this point and are dealing with women who are like me. Single, Successful, and Ambitious. But, I even I did want to talk to these washed up women, I wouldn't. Just on principle alone. One part of me is asking myself why I care about it so much. But the analytical part me (which is a big part) wonders why these walruses feel entitled to a "Good Man" after they rejected me in the past?

Why are you entertaining these 'walruses' if you believe they are so below you? It would be simple to ignore the friend requests and conversations but your engaging with them. Why come on here and bitch about something YOU'VE encouraged?

I can only conclude that your here trying to humble brag that the mean girls in high school now want your dick. *yawn

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by Explicit
Why are so many women getting so offended? This guy is speaking his truth. Get over it.

The women who didn't give him the time of day in his school years are all trying to jump on his dick now that they're fat, have babies and are single and he's successful with a good head on his shoulders.

How disgusting. Hate women like that.

If the Op really found it disgusting he wouldn't have accepted friend requests and engaged in conversations with them. He is low key flattered that the mean girls of high school now are giving him the time of day.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Usually if your bragging about how big the peen is... it's usually in the golf pencil size.

So its great to hear how attractive, successful, and wanted you are Op. But we need dick pics to prove it.

Profile picture of bkbella86
@bkbella86
14 Years5,000+ PostsAries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Explicit
Why are so many women getting so offended? This guy is speaking his truth. Get over it.

The women who didn't give him the time of day in his school years are all trying to jump on his dick now that they're fat, have babies and are single and he's successful with a good head on his shoulders.

How disgusting. Hate women like that.

If the Op really found it disgusting he wouldn't have accepted friend request and engaged in conversations with them. He is low key flattered that the mean girls in high school now are giving him the time of day.

click to expand

Yup

Profile picture of TeddyBearMD
@TeddyBearMD
9 Years

Posted by LadyNeptune
Usually if your bragging about how big the peen is... it's usually in the golf pencil size.

So its great to hear how attractive, successful, and wanted you are Op. But we need dick pics to prove it.

I'll inbox them to you 😉

Profile picture of Kemetisinme
@Kemetisinme
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Must be their egos haven't adjusted to their current reality / status. They know they still have it regardless of what the mirror says. Once a fine broad, always a fine broad.

Profile picture of LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Explicit
And by the way, if this thread was made by some girl who was fat in High School and no guys payed attention to her, and then suddenly she lost weight and became hot and the same guys who didn't care for her were messaging her then everyone would be like "YOU GO GIRL, GOOD FOR YOU."

But since it's a man doing it then he's "objectifying" women and he's insecure and creepy.

Lol now that I think about it, this is actually true

click to expand

Personal preference isn't objectifying imo. I just want the op to call it how it is.

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