Cancer man chasing virgo woman

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lindavi20
@lindavi20
13 Years

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Ahh! I think i think it's awesome. My one, true is a cancer... yet he still hasn't gotten his head out of his ass. lol. Sounds like you have given it some time to feel her out and get to know her personality. +1. Do you feel sparks or chemistry when you are around her alone? My guess is yes. Keep on being the way you are, but maybe bring it up a notch or two. We are not very forward creatures and don't like pushiness... but believe me, we notice when someone has changed towards us. We are more intuitive to actions, and yes, very forgiving unless you do unspeakable things. Watch her reaction to your changes. If she warms up, then there is your answer. My guess is she will. Btw, what a virgo feels is written on our face... unless we are conscientiously masking it to protect ourselves. We have our own shell that we escape into when we feel we could get hurt. One thing I have always liked about cancer is their old-fashioned ways. Respect is a very big thing to mowt peoole, esp virgo's. Wish you luck and PM me if you need anything. I'll try to help.
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incandescentcancer
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Posted by lindavi20
Ahh! I think i think it's awesome. My one, true is a cancer... yet he still hasn't gotten his head out of his ass. lol. Sounds like you have given it some time to feel her out and get to know her personality. +1. Do you feel sparks or chemistry when you are around her alone? My guess is yes. Keep on being the way you are, but maybe bring it up a notch or two. We are not very forward creatures and don't like pushiness... but believe me, we notice when someone has changed towards us. We are more intuitive to actions, and yes, very forgiving unless you do unspeakable things. Watch her reaction to your changes. If she warms up, then there is your answer. My guess is she will. Btw, what a virgo feels is written on our face... unless we are conscientiously masking it to protect ourselves. We have our own shell that we escape into when we feel we could get hurt. One thing I have always liked about cancer is their old-fashioned ways. Respect is a very big thing to mowt peoole, esp virgo's. Wish you luck and PM me if you need anything. I'll try to help.



Hi Lindavi, thanks a lot for taking the time out. I have gotten to know her very well indeed over the last few months. She is quite warm to me in private and freezes up when we are in a group with other people (I don't quite understand this, initially I was angry that she was keeping me around for an ego massage, I don't think so anymore it's something else). She is an interesting woman, occassionally she lets down her guard and I glimpse he girl inside in all her warmth, I feel like I am standing in bright and beautiful sunshine (I told her that once, she got shy and looked everywhere around but at me). The chemistry between us has been ratcheting up at a slowburn, I honesty don't want to scare her away with sudden moves. This is almost like photographing a gazelle, you have to be very very cautious. I am hoping to see it in her eyes.

I am confused by two things, her behaviour in public and private is different. Secondly, she seems very surprised when I remember some minute detail she told me in the past and do something for her based on that, she is almost startled. Am I doing something to scare or annoy her? quite confused.
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Virgos aren't public people....shes probably scoping out the place and watching everyone's moves etc. I do the same thing...I'm sure some people feel i don't pay attention to them...but I'm still paying attention. When in private...we/she is much more relaxed.

Virgos are not used to people doing things for us...it throws us off per say. Its not annoying....if it scares her its only because like I said it throws her off...shes not sure what to think about it...and analyzing if what your doing is genuine or a game.

Hope this helps some....I'm basing it off myself (Virgo with scorp rising) 🙂and my cancer guy friend.
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incandescentcancer
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The funny thing is she i able to talk and laugh with the other people in th group. She just pretends I am not there, freezes up and goes all indirect (offering something like, "if anyone wants this.." knowing fully well it's offered to me) It's kind of weird to me. Then we are together and she opens up and she tells me all these little things and is curious and inquisitive about me. I can see she is making mental notes of every answer I give her, checking for contradictions etc. She is so cute when she does that.

Why should it throw you guys off? You told me something you like/dislike so that I listen and act on it, no? As a cancer that's how I think, my intention is to help and serve those close to me whenever possible. It's not becuase i hope to armtwist something out of her, it's just that I truly care for her. Do you think I can do anythig to prove to her that I am the real deal?

I am not planning to let her go. I most definitely do not intend to go crabby on her. i think we are right for eachother and i am going to go get her. i am just concerned about not scaring her away. Hence all these questions 😉
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Just keep doing what your doing....being consistent.
I've told people stuff before not expecting anything in return so it may still throw her off that your doing it and payed attention. I'm very independent so when someone does something for me...I dont know what to think lol. ex: My cancer friend would buy me dinner when he came up....yes it was really sweet of him but I also thought "why..is he doing it just to be nice, does he feel sorry for me, am I his charity case?" (just my thought process). I asked him the same questions and he was reassuring he was doing it to help and be nice....which I could sense when he was telling me.

as far as the group thing...idk why she is ignoring you...you could just ask her whats the deal?!

I don't think you will scare her away...not unless you do the classic cancer/virgo push/pull or doing something horrible.

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incandescentcancer
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Hey guys, thanks for the input. I intend to be consistent and persistent. Couple more questions ( sorry for the bother): firstly I want to move up the physical intensity more or otherwise known as get her into the sack, she has become more comfortable in reducing the space between us while walking together etc. We kiss on the cheeks standing quite close to eachother, touch eachother's back while kissing. Can I take that as a positive sign to move the physical side along? Secondly, what is the Virgo/cancer push-pull?

Thanks for all your help so far!
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I'm with Layna on the sex part. Just use your intuition...if you try and she backs off then you know shes not ready. You cant rush a virgo!

Imo....virgos and cancers are pretty similar. The difference is we don't wear our heart on our sleeves...we can push that emotional side out of the way if need be...that's where people think we are cold and distant etc (far from the truth)

For the push-pull....look back in some the previous posts and you may get a better example then what I can explain...I'm horrible at explanations lol


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incandescentcancer
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HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA....I just read the push/pull thing. Wow, it's unreal in its accuracy, virgos go around putting the universe in order and then crab comes along and rains all over their parade. I couldn't stop laughing for a full 5 minutes at that. I am moody and unpredictable and I see her all the time trying to make sense of it and trying to figure out why, why, why! That's cancer, we are unpredictable and exciting, if you want order in your universe find a capricorn or taurus or something. The cancer will rage and simmer like the ocean always!

I am working to put her self esteem up, it's so totally weird that considering the babe she is, with true strength of character and an intelligent mind she has this problem. She really thinks no one can love her for who she truly is. I am a fairly aggressive cancer who goes for the girl, if this was an arian or leonine woman I would have had her up against the wall a long time ago. I am just being patient because I know what she is like. I am just ensuring I don't do the scurry into the shell thing because I know that hurts her and I intend to communicate honestly and argue logically with her (that's what having a virgo ascendant and a virgo mother does to you). She is moody too but she will never admit it and if i point out obviously it will be ignored or justiffied in a way only a virgo can react to criticism 😉.

I totally love her for who she is, if this is going to take time I will be around. I don't give a fuck even if it takes a couple of years, I know she is totally worth it! I don't think I can ever get over my love for virgals, such babes! 😉
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LOL...see told you!

Its not that we have low self esteem per say....we're just very critical of our selves and dont take compliments well lol. My cancer friend told me one time that I looked very pretty in green...I was like yeah ok lol He's like will you just take the damn compliment lol...he then said I will never compliment you again...and he hasnt lol.
Yes we are moody....we have our shells too and we use them quite frequently (at least I do) for analyzing which can be very exhausting (a gift and a curse...just like cancers and your emotions)

You'll have to be patient...it wont work any other way with us...but its worth it. We love very deeply and its for the long haul...if you can get past the push-pull...that can be a vicious circle but thats were the communication comes in....we need someone who can be patient and knock down our walls (which are very high... entangled in barbed wire surrounded by a moat of sharks with grenades attached hahaha...kidding but we have them)

You have a hand in already with the virgo ascendent and virgo mother 😉 you'll be fine!

She sounds like a lucky girl (just make sure you will stick to that plan)...I know once your cancer eyes finally focus it can be a different story!

I really do love cancers even if you confuse the crap outta me lol





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incandescentcancer
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yeah people always talk about the Virgo firewalls and defensive perimeters, however one thing everyone misses out to mention is that checklist virgals tend to have in their head about the perfect man (regardless of whether he meets their need or not). Then all the defense mechanism disappears and they fling themselves at him without reagrd to what they look like. Just like she did last time because in her head he ticked the boxes, what was the result? He did exactly what I thought he would. Now I can't do anything because if I approach her, the mental math she is going to do is the following, "he thinks I am a cheap ho that anyone can have hence the approach towards me, get the fuck out".

My biggest concern is I am going to be patient and understanding and then some other douchebag is going to come into her life and she is again going to tick the boxes and think wow I found zeus, king of the gods. I know I shouldn't think like this and if it happens it's life but sometimes we all have our moments of insecurities and weaknesses. The fact is despite everyone saying virgals are hard to get, that checklist in their head makes them fall for douchebags all the time and much more easily than people imagine. Didn't mean to be passive aggressive 😛
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incandescentcancer
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She is 26+. I think she over analyzes everything from a very negative outlook and a position of basic mistrust, that's why I think she could hold this view even towards a gentle approach. I might be guilty of over analyzing this too though 😛

I just like her so much that I am concerned about losing her. I am a few years older than her (30) and a bit more mature about life because of all the relationship experiences I have had. I just tend to look for a girl who makes me happy and makes me laugh really and generally don't have any other hang ups or checklists.
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That could be some of the scorp in her at play. I'm guilty of that too with the negative outlook to things but personally wouldn't think that unless I figured you were coming at me for just sex (but that's just me).

You're more than likely gonna have to make the first move....we don't. That's another thing with the push-pull...cancers are afraid of rejection, well so are virgos which can make it hard for things to get going...so I would cont to get close to her but eventually you're just gonna have to go for it and tell her how you feel.

I was gonna add more thats why I hid my post but forgot what I was gonna say lol
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incandescentcancer
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I know that I will have to make the first move here, she believes firmly in the traditional male/female courtship roles. I have realised as I got older that you don't win the superbowl from your couch. If I want her then I have to go get her and I will. Right now both of us may have a thing or two to focus in our lives and settle them but once we are there I will make a move. It will also be a good time for us to grow together and establish trust and a bond of affection I guess. Building that trust over sometime might actually be worth the effort since that might alsso disspell her basic negative outlook and make her more receptive to the fact that my feelings for her are genuine and not based on some filthy ulterior motives. Although I have loads of filthy ideas for her once we do get together 😛
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lindavi20
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13 Years

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push/pull is very common... esp with crabs/virgos. you sound like you know what you want which is good. That's definitely a start... Esp for a crab. And yes, we try to find order to everything!! Haha! However, someone with opposites is attractive and interesting.Don't be misled though, there is def passion lurking below the surface. All I can say if is she is into you as much as you are her, you will be able to see it in her eyes. Sorry, but we virgo's might come off as prudes.... And can very well be with most people, but if its there.... we are def not prudes!! .
I can't say the same for all virgos, but what you said about noticing her choosing in regards to men, definitely hits home for me. I think it roots from believing the best in people and in a sense, we want to believe that people as are as honest as they present themselves to be bc we somewhat do the same. You learn very quickly that people ARE who they present themselves to be. I personally think that if you guys have been getting closer, make a move. Don't push by any means, but you will know by her response if she is ready or not.
We do have major walls up as many have talked about, but if someone really cares and makes it a point to get to know us, we notice. Keep doing what you are doing. I'm not sure if I believe that you aren't doing at least of the normal cancer scuttle... But def think you are on the right track!
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incandescentcancer
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Posted by lindavi20
push/pull is very common... esp with crabs/virgos. you sound like you know what you want which is good. That's definitely a start... Esp for a crab. And yes, we try to find order to everything!! Haha! However, someone with opposites is attractive and interesting.Don't be misled though, there is def passion lurking below the surface. All I can say if is she is into you as much as you are her, you will be able to see it in her eyes. Sorry, but we virgo's might come off as prudes.... And can very well be with most people, but if its there.... we are def not prudes!! .
I can't say the same for all virgos, but what you said about noticing her choosing in regards to men, definitely hits home for me. I think it roots from believing the best in people and in a sense, we want to believe that people as are as honest as they present themselves to be bc we somewhat do the same. You learn very quickly that people ARE who they present themselves to be. I personally think that if you guys have been getting closer, make a move. Don't push by any means, but you will know by her response if she is ready or not.
We do have major walls up as many have talked about, but if someone really cares and makes it a point to get to know us, we notice. Keep doing what you are doing. I'm not sure if I believe that you aren't doing at least of the normal cancer scuttle... But def think you are on the right track!



I have been fairly clear in my views about her because I took the time to know her and make the decision, this is what I always do. I am not in a rush, I want a relationship for the long haul and I am always patient. Sometimes, I have even studied a girl upto a year before showing any interest, it always amazes them LOL!. Regarding the cancer scuttle, I used to do that and then I decided that if I want a woman I better grow a pair. Nowadays once I know and i am convinced that I see the elements I like in a girl I let her know, if she says no, I accept it as c'est la vie. I am just a more evolved cancer let's say. Most cancers somehow are unable to understand that they are no better than anyone else and will therefore get rejected as many times as anyone else. Once that clarity arrives, you behave differently. However that said, I still get hurt easily and sulk when someone close to me is sharp with me. If i don't care about the person then I will cut them to shreds with my
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incandescentcancer
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(contd) tongue.

I have a question for you though, I totally understand that this is very generic and differe from perso to person however I do want to know what tips the scale for virgo woman towards love for a man. Is it kindness, physical attractiveness, intellect or charm? I am very curious to know what is that one moment which defines love for a virgo woman when you go rom her friend to her lover. Hope you can help 😉
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lindavi20
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13 Years

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Posted by incandescentcancer
(contd) tongue.

I have a question for you though, I totally understand that this is very generic and differe from perso to person however I do want to know what tips the scale for virgo woman towards love for a man. Is it kindness, physical attractiveness, intellect or charm? I am very curious to know what is that one moment which defines love for a virgo woman when you go rom her friend to her lover. Hope you can help 😉



I can't speak for anyone else, but for me respect is one of the first key things. Genuine compliments of things that you notice about her such as how she treats someone, her how a certain color looks on her, detailed things. Virgo's are constantly noticing details about other's so when someone remembers a trait or something we do/did, it really stands out. We want someone to make us feel like a woman. Last, but not least, is for who someone who wants to know who we really are, not just superficial stuff. Along the same lines, all the things you listed are also important, but being yourself is even better. Be your own person and have confidence about who you are and where you are going. Someone that is a little independent and isn't afraid to step up and be a man, is a turn-on. Showing that you will give her time is important, but I think it is as important for her to know at least a little of how you feel, especially since we rely more on words unlike cancer who is more "I feel". Little touches in public or private also will get her thinking and don't just lay everything out there. One of the best parts of someone is unraveling who they are. Does she ask you about yourself and things you like to do. Haha... The list in my virgo head just goes on and on.
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incandescentcancer
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I do one of two things, I mention things which I find interesting about her like her eating habits (absolutely adore it) and secondly, I remember tiny things which she says and show my memory through actions. I also tend to tease her a bit for being neurotic about things lie makign to do lists 😛, it's always cute to watch her deny that she has any such lists being made, I then tell her I see the speed of your mind on your face 😉.

I think she knows that I am naturally agressive but at the same time I am specifically kind to a few people who are close to me. She has mentioned that she finds me very kind and in a way for me apologising to her over our bust up was actually stepping up and being a man (I wonder what your thoughts are on this?)

Both of us come from very different countries and live away from our homeland (though English is strangely our first/native language), so we always have curiosity about eachother. I have already been to her country once in the past and she totally likes how many little details I know about it. She asks me quick furtive questions about me and my likes, culture etc from time to time (i am always watching). Lastly, I also make fun of how much my countrymen are eternally fascinated by women from her region (I think she likes that too 😛). Ya I know I am totally shameless 😛
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lindavi20
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13 Years

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Ok, how are you guys hanging out together or with friends at this point? Are you initiating everything, or is she also getting in touch with you? These can be key things. Another key thing is if she acts shy around you. If you all are hanging out more frequently alone, then she is letting you in at least a little. I really think you are on the right path, just don't be soo complimentary that it comes across as fake. Sounds like you are on the right track from what I've heard though!
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incandescentcancer
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Posted by lindavi20
Ok, how are you guys hanging out together or with friends at this point? Are you initiating everything, or is she also getting in touch with you? These can be key things. Another key thing is if she acts shy around you. If you all are hanging out more frequently alone, then she is letting you in at least a little. I really think you are on the right path, just don't be soo complimentary that it comes across as fake. Sounds like you are on the right track from what I've heard though!



I usually go out with her alone, sometimes we have spent an entire day together doing stuff. I think we feel most comfortable when it's just the two of us. On occassions where I have hung out with her and other people, I have had a lot going on in my mind (about other life related things) which has caused me to behave oddly to say the least. I call her to arrange things like going out for a drink or whatever, she calls me to talk (She did arrange to go to the art show with me once, we both wanted to go and like that sort of thing). I think she expects me to initiate, which is fine with me I don't see it as a major ego issue. I think the verbal comm part is good because right at the beginning I told her if she wanted the truth on anything she should come to me and that I would always be straight with her. She knows I don't tell her things she wants to hear.

What is being shy for a virgo—!— I thought you lot are perpetually shy! You got to explain to me what those signs are.
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lindavi20
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Posted by lindavi20


What is being shy for a virgo—!— I thought you lot are perpetually shy! You got to explain to me what those signs are.
click to expand




Well, I think shy comes more in the beginning towards a person. After we can trust you or you are a friend, you would wonder about our initial shyness. Also, sometimes it is more guarding ourselves more than being shy. However, if you make a comment and she looks away smiling or laughing, or sometimes just doesn't know how to respond to you.. I would say it's a pretty good example of her being shy. It's a funny thing... I've met perspective people that don't make me feel shy at all, and others who I feel like a 17 year old school girl. (I bet you can guess the ones that I was more in to)
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incandescentcancer
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Posted by LostinmyMind11
Sounds like you're having a cancer moment . :p. So why do you think its flickering out?



I don't know 😛. I want to feel her more emotionally and she is just content to do nice things. I don't think she gets my need for emotional depth, I am not even sure she would bear experiencing that kind of depth, worries me.

Secondly, she has started this new thing of talking about this guy here and there as if to make me jealous. She isn't talking about these guys in a romantic way but to bring up another man when she is with me automatically makes me competitive 😛.

Maybe I am doing the cancer 😛
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Oh silly cancer lol. We have and are capable of having/showing emotional depth but its going to take a while. You're trying to rush it because you need that emotional depth without considering its going to take her a while to get where your at at all times. Remember patients!

If she's just mentioning other guys in a unromantic way...I personally wouldn't worry about it but I do understand the competitive side coming out ( not just a cancer thing..its a man thing) she may just be trying to get a reaction from you to see how you feel about her (just guessing at this and basing on me when I was younger)....its a stupid way to go but sometimes its the only way to know without just asking cause were are shy in that dept. And afraid of getting hurt...so we go about it a different way ...does this make sense?

Dont go and shell because of this...if you do and come back...you'll be back at square one with her....its the vicious virgo/ cancer cycle that you dont want to get caught up in....you need to be able to move forward not sideways 😉 spend time together...get to know each other and stop rushing....people rush to much and that's when things dont work out!

Ok enough of me rambling lol
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incandescentcancer
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Posted by LostinmyMind11
Oh silly cancer lol. We have and are capable of having/showing emotional depth but its going to take a while. You're trying to rush it because you need that emotional depth without considering its going to take her a while to get where your at at all times. Remember patients!

If she's just mentioning other guys in a unromantic way...I personally wouldn't worry about it but I do understand the competitive side coming out ( not just a cancer thing..its a man thing) she may just be trying to get a reaction from you to see how you feel about her (just guessing at this and basing on me when I was younger)....its a stupid way to go but sometimes its the only way to know without just asking cause were are shy in that dept. And afraid of getting hurt...so we go about it a different way ...does this make sense?

Dont go and shell because of this...if you do and come back...you'll be back at square one with her....its the vicious virgo/ cancer cycle that you dont want to get caught up in....you need to be able to move forward not sideways 😉 spend time together...get to know each other and stop rushing....people rush to much and that's when things dont work out!

Ok enough of me rambling lol



I agree that I might be expecting her to give me too much too early. Considering that last time she rushed into something like this she got hurt and it wasn't so long ago, I should be more considerate. I know that I want her and I know that together both of us will create so much beauty in our lives, that's why I am unable to wait. In have already lived a hundred different lives in my head with her....LOL (so cancer!) 😛

I am not a jealous man by nature but I am a jealous lover. I like to possess the woman I love (this doesn't mean her male friends are excluded etc.) in the sense I want her to be with me in a mental space when we are together. When she plays these silly games to get a rise out of me, it isn't going to work because I won't react to this. Oh who am I kidding she already has the reaction that she wants otherwise why would I obsess over this so much.

I love her, I am not going to shell up or go anywhere. I just need to know when to share my feelings in its entirety with her, that's where I am getting thoroughly confused by her mixed signals etc. etc.
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lindavi20
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Posted by incandescentcancer
The spark between us is flickering, I think the moment is dying out. Life is weird...



I believe I specifically remember something about cancers, water, and waves... Haha. Take a look at the overall picture.. Come on you are suppose to be good at this. However, this might have a little to do with her trying to lure you in when she talked about another guy!
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lindavi20
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We can be very slow moving creatures sometimes... Doesn't mean we don't like you. Her past hurt probably makes her shell up and be much more cautious. I wouldn't say it's as drastic as moving sideways like a crab. Believe me, there is plenty of emotion behind some of us once we are ready for it. Being "nice" is probably in her nature, that's how we show we care when we can't show it emotionally. Believe me, we do see/feel a lot, I think Virgo's are just more thinkers instead of doer's sometimes. Hence Virgo=I think and Cancer=I feel. Doesn't mean they aren't evaluating the same situation... Just might take a little longer for each to be on the same page. I've seen some automatically connect, and more it takes awhile or doesn't work. I personally think patience is one of the keys. Just don't become too much of a friend that how she feels romantically to you gets pushed out the door.