VirgoVixxxen
@VirgoVixxxen
15 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4949 · Topics: 70
Cont. thread for seadream's question for Virgals (Page 2)
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... continued...
What's baffled me a bit when he was back this time, is that he suddenly pulled away from having sex with me. He seems fine about sleeping with the other women he's been seeing for the past year, but not me. I don't think it's because he can sense that I perhaps want more from him, because one of the women he's been seeing on/off for the past year has declared her undying love for him, which has not frightened him. So it can't be that. I know it's not because he's not attracted to me, because there's a lot of attraction there. So I've been wondering what it could be.
Is it because he's scared that I might hurt him because I've said I'm only after fun and games? But he's also said that that he doesn't like expectations, so if fun and games is all he want's why pull away from me when I've also made it clear that I want the same? Surely, I would just be another girl to have some fun time with?
The other woman really wants things from him, but that doesn't seem to frighten him. I'm quite confused to be honest, and also feel rejected...
What's baffled me a bit when he was back this time, is that he suddenly pulled away from having sex with me. He seems fine about sleeping with the other women he's been seeing for the past year, but not me. I don't think it's because he can sense that I perhaps want more from him, because one of the women he's been seeing on/off for the past year has declared her undying love for him, which has not frightened him. So it can't be that. I know it's not because he's not attracted to me, because there's a lot of attraction there. So I've been wondering what it could be.
Is it because he's scared that I might hurt him because I've said I'm only after fun and games? But he's also said that that he doesn't like expectations, so if fun and games is all he want's why pull away from me when I've also made it clear that I want the same? Surely, I would just be another girl to have some fun time with?
The other woman really wants things from him, but that doesn't seem to frighten him. I'm quite confused to be honest, and also feel rejected...
Posted by preciousvirgin
SC:
One thing you also need to know, Don't make him feel like an Option.We don't like that...Virgo is not the competitive type of a zodiac specially in the matter of the heart...
I don't want to make him feel like an option at all. Because he's said and one what he's said and done, I'm sort of pulling back but at the same time showing him that I'm interested in him. Blowing hot and cold, I know, but it's just happened this way because I'm scared of rejection and of being hurt.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
sunnycap I know what you mean about the intensity between cappy women and virgo guys. My gf is a cappy.
I'm so happy to hear it! Coming here I've heard this quite a few times now, and I'm so, so pleased! Firstly because it really just goes to show that Virgos and Capricorns really are a good match, and also because it tells me that I'm not completely loosing my marbles!! 🙂
Posted by sunnycapPosted by BoomShakalakaBoom
sunnycap I know what you mean about the intensity between cappy women and virgo guys. My gf is a cappy.
I'm so happy to hear it! Coming here I've heard this quite a few times now, and I'm so, so pleased! Firstly because it really just goes to show that Virgos and Capricorns really are a good match, and also because it tells me that I'm not completely loosing my marbles!! 🙂click to expand
Youre not a crazy goat yet 😛 no worries. It truly is in my experience a fantastic match (probably the best for a Virgo guy) lots of cappy women have been asking questions on their virgo guys lately on dxp too 😛 to be honest I see this pairing ridiculously often where I live.
Almost 2 years and half now for me 😄
Hey guys,
Here is one of the passages I said I read on the "untouchability of the Virgo".
"How To Recognize:Virgo is noticed due to their slim and tall figure, and long and narrow face. Their forehead is high, cheekbones prominent, and heavy eyelids can be noticed in the eyes. Their lips are thin, and the chin pointed. Since they are very keen on their appearance, they usually have a slim and sports-like body, of which they are proud, but reluctant to show. Their whole appearance is pure embodiment of "cold", untouchable beauty, which, however, invites to be immortalized because it is so photogenic."
Be back later.
Here is one of the passages I said I read on the "untouchability of the Virgo".
"How To Recognize:Virgo is noticed due to their slim and tall figure, and long and narrow face. Their forehead is high, cheekbones prominent, and heavy eyelids can be noticed in the eyes. Their lips are thin, and the chin pointed. Since they are very keen on their appearance, they usually have a slim and sports-like body, of which they are proud, but reluctant to show. Their whole appearance is pure embodiment of "cold", untouchable beauty, which, however, invites to be immortalized because it is so photogenic."
Be back later.
Posted by sunnycapPosted by preciousvirgin
SC:
One thing you also need to know, Don't make him feel like an Option.We don't like that...Virgo is not the competitive type of a zodiac specially in the matter of the heart...
I don't want to make him feel like an option at all. Because he's said and one what he's said and done, I'm sort of pulling back but at the same time showing him that I'm interested in him. Blowing hot and cold, I know, but it's just happened this way because I'm scared of rejection and of being hurt.click to expand
SC:He followed me around, waited for me, bought me drinks, stood with me, and I got a bit drunk and flittered around chatting and hugging a lot of people (including guys I went to college with years ago), while I left him on his own in the bar.. In the end he walked away from me and sat with another woman he knows whom he subsequently walked home with that night.
You already got a chance to be with him that night, But what have you done? "You Pissed him Off"....you pushed him to be with the other woman instead of you....
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Almost 2 years and half now for me 😄
Fantastic!! I hope you'll be happy together for eternity! 🙂
There's a really great quote by AA Milne who wrote Winnie the Pooh:
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, because I never want to live without you."
I think that's so beautiful, and exactly what I would love to happen between me and Virguy! 🙂
Posted by preciousvirginPosted by sunnycapPosted by preciousvirgin
SC:
One thing you also need to know, Don't make him feel like an Option.We don't like that...Virgo is not the competitive type of a zodiac specially in the matter of the heart...
I don't want to make him feel like an option at all. Because he's said and one what he's said and done, I'm sort of pulling back but at the same time showing him that I'm interested in him. Blowing hot and cold, I know, but it's just happened this way because I'm scared of rejection and of being hurt.
SC:He followed me around, waited for me, bought me drinks, stood with me, and I got a bit drunk and flittered around chatting and hugging a lot of people (including guys I went to college with years ago), while I left him on his own in the bar.. In the end he walked away from me and sat with another woman he knows whom he subsequently walked home with that night.
You already got a chance to be with him that night, But what have you done? "You Pissed him Off"....you pushed him to be with the other woman instead of you....click to expand
I know, and I've been kicking myself SO many times about this the last 3 months!!!! I never ment to hurt him. I was so happy that we had spent the whole night together, it was almost too much for me. I was terrified of ruining it. Also, the other woman he's had an on/off thing with was there the night and very insistent of standing with us and especially chatting to me! The whole thing became very surreal, and mixed with alcohol, I just got carried away and chatted/hugged all the people I hadn't seen for years (a couple of guys amongst them).
When he went and sat with the women he subsequently went home with, our eyes met a few times across the bar. He really kept looking at me, then looked down very thoughtfully and slightly nodded his head. He looked sad in a way. At that time I was just sitting in the bar generally chatting to the people there. I went to the loo, and he turned to talk to me I think. I just rubbed his chest briefly and walked on, without saying anything to him.
What an idiot I've been!!! If I had showed him how much I really care for him that night, who knows what might have happened. But I still think he could
He can feel you but he couldn't hear you, vice versa....
... continued...
But I still think he could have come over to me to chat instead of just walking home with someone else (although he waited until the very last minute, hoping I would just go home, perhaps). I really, really hope it's not too late, and I really don't know what to do to sort this out.
Perhaps this is why he's pulled away from me this time, thinking that if we sleep together again, I could turn around the next day and hurt him. He probably feel he can't trust me and is scared of getting too close to me? He can sleep with the other women without any problems. In fact, six months ago I did confront him about the other women, and he muttered that they were just someone to spend a bit of time with. I said to him to look at me that way too. I am very embarrassed to even admit to it here (I was drunk and highly emotional at the time) and what he had said did not really sink in until a few days later. I just wanted to be with him so badly that night, and said anything for that to happen. I thought if I can play it like this, I will not frighten him by wanting anything more.
The next day I apologised for frightening him the previous night by confronting him about the other women, and then went on to say that he can be with whomever he wants, it's nothing to do with me.
I've tried to play it cool because I thought that's what he's wanted to hear.
But I still think he could have come over to me to chat instead of just walking home with someone else (although he waited until the very last minute, hoping I would just go home, perhaps). I really, really hope it's not too late, and I really don't know what to do to sort this out.
Perhaps this is why he's pulled away from me this time, thinking that if we sleep together again, I could turn around the next day and hurt him. He probably feel he can't trust me and is scared of getting too close to me? He can sleep with the other women without any problems. In fact, six months ago I did confront him about the other women, and he muttered that they were just someone to spend a bit of time with. I said to him to look at me that way too. I am very embarrassed to even admit to it here (I was drunk and highly emotional at the time) and what he had said did not really sink in until a few days later. I just wanted to be with him so badly that night, and said anything for that to happen. I thought if I can play it like this, I will not frighten him by wanting anything more.
The next day I apologised for frightening him the previous night by confronting him about the other women, and then went on to say that he can be with whomever he wants, it's nothing to do with me.
I've tried to play it cool because I thought that's what he's wanted to hear.
Posted by sunnycapPosted by VirgoVixxxen
Continued...
I know the fear of rejection is hard (just look at this thread, lol) but you have to mean what you say and say what you mean, or don't say anything at all. It sounds like he likes you, and I think you should take things slow and try to be more honest.
I think you're absolutely right. I really think he's still very hurt by what happened, despite trying to say the opposite. Whenever she has been mentioned, he suddenly change his behaviour and becomes annoyed and pulls away from me. This has now happened twice.
Even though we've known each other for 8 years through mutual friends, we hadn't really spoken much until last summer. We've been to the same social functions quite a few times, but did not chat very much. However, he was always staring at me, following me around and standing next to me or behind me. It became very noticeable after a few years, but as we were both in relationships at the time, nothing more happened. So we don't really have that friendship level at present. We've gone from just knowing each other distantly to having great sex! Because of this, I'm not sure how we can go back a few steps to become just friends again. I really would like to support him, because I know that he really struggles. There's nothing I would love to do more, in fact, because I care that much about him, and I just want him to make him feel safe, loved and cared for. i have so much love to give to him, if he would only give me a chance! 🙂click to expand
SC,
When do you guys usually hang out together? What do you usually do? Why don't you invite him over and order in and watch a movie or try having a nice conversation with him? It may lead to you know what but, why don't you work on trying to establish something more than just a fwb situation?
Or better yet, go somewhere public other than a club and do some nice alone time together. Like a museum or an arts show? What are his interests? Have you ever asked? Maybe if he sees that you are more interested in him as a person, he might start to think about things differently. Just a thought.
Posted by sunnycap
... continued...
Is it because he's scared that I might hurt him because I've said I'm only after fun and games? But he's also said that that he doesn't like expectations, so if fun and games is all he want's why pull away from me when I've also made it clear that I want the same? Surely, I would just be another girl to have some fun time with?
The other woman really wants things from him, but that doesn't seem to frighten him. I'm quite confused to be honest, and also feel rejected...
Possibly, and maybe he mirrored you and said "fun and games" because you said it first...—
And what's up with hugging up with other guys in the club in front of his face? You're doing ALL the wrong things! LOL
SC, you GOTTA get your shit together or risk losing this guy.
Believe it or not, you can start over. Change your behavior patterns and be sincere. Stop the game playing. Whether he's willing to accept you this time around is a different story, but at least at the end of the day you can rest well because you were true to yourself.
Posted by sunnycap
... continued...
But I still think he could have come over to me to chat instead of just walking home with someone else (although he waited until the very last minute, hoping I would just go home, perhaps). I really, really hope it's not too late, and I really don't know what to do to sort this out.
Perhaps this is why he's pulled away from me this time, thinking that if we sleep together again, I could turn around the next day and hurt him. He probably feel he can't trust me and is scared of getting too close to me? He can sleep with the other women without any problems. In fact, six months ago I did confront him about the other women, and he muttered that they were just someone to spend a bit of time with. I said to him to look at me that way too. I am very embarrassed to even admit to it here (I was drunk and highly emotional at the time) and what he had said did not really sink in until a few days later. I just wanted to be with him so badly that night, and said anything for that to happen. I thought if I can play it like this, I will not frighten him by wanting anything more.
The next day I apologised for frightening him the previous night by confronting him about the other women, and then went on to say that he can be with whomever he wants, it's nothing to do with me.
I've tried to play it cool because I thought that's what he's wanted to hear.
We're telling you what to do. LOL.
He probably doesn't trust you at this point, and doesn't want to get hurt so that is why he pulled away (but hopefully you can re-build).
Get yourself to a Zen place. You're scared, at times frantic and emotional (and sometimes with boos in your system).
Relax and just take it one day at a time. No pressure. Give him time to trust you again. Stop questioning him about other women. Only focus on your relationship with him. If the two of you get to that place where you are truly going to be together, in time the other women will fade away. If you're coming across as a cool yet insecure emotional game-player, how do you expect him to view you? More than likely he's gonna think you're crazy, and that alone is enough for him to distance himself from you (Virgo or no Virgo).
Continued...
I know it's easier said than done but, that's why you can start small. Call him up and ask how he's doing. Let him know that you've been thinking about him and that you missed him. You need not do anything grand. It's the little things that we appreciate. A simple "I'm here for you if you need to talk", will suffice.
I know it's easier said than done but, that's why you can start small. Call him up and ask how he's doing. Let him know that you've been thinking about him and that you missed him. You need not do anything grand. It's the little things that we appreciate. A simple "I'm here for you if you need to talk", will suffice.
@VirgoVixxxen
We don't really hang out as such. We tend to just meet each other by chance when we're out. After we had been together the first time last summer, he suggested one day that I come around to his place the following evening (after we had flirted a bit on FB). I rang him the following evening and then texted him, but he never replied. So I went around his house to talk to him, as he was leaving for 3 months 2 days later, and I was going away for quite some time myself. Just wanted to see him before we went our separate ways. He told me he needed time to think about things. The next time he was back, we first had an argument the very first day he was back, then ended up together again a few weeks later. It was even better than the first time we spent together.
I sent him text at Christmas, but he did not reply. The following evening we bumped into each other again and subsequently spent the whole night together. That time was even better than the first two. The following evening is when I ignored him quite a bit (as described above).
So, this is why I'm a bit scared of phoning/emailing/texting him in fear of being ignored. He does not respond very easily to these things (at least not with me). When we're together, we have such a nice time (and we often bicker like an old couple)! However, I'm terrified of contacting him because he's not responded in the past.
We don't really hang out as such. We tend to just meet each other by chance when we're out. After we had been together the first time last summer, he suggested one day that I come around to his place the following evening (after we had flirted a bit on FB). I rang him the following evening and then texted him, but he never replied. So I went around his house to talk to him, as he was leaving for 3 months 2 days later, and I was going away for quite some time myself. Just wanted to see him before we went our separate ways. He told me he needed time to think about things. The next time he was back, we first had an argument the very first day he was back, then ended up together again a few weeks later. It was even better than the first time we spent together.
I sent him text at Christmas, but he did not reply. The following evening we bumped into each other again and subsequently spent the whole night together. That time was even better than the first two. The following evening is when I ignored him quite a bit (as described above).
So, this is why I'm a bit scared of phoning/emailing/texting him in fear of being ignored. He does not respond very easily to these things (at least not with me). When we're together, we have such a nice time (and we often bicker like an old couple)! However, I'm terrified of contacting him because he's not responded in the past.
^^^ I see.
How far away do you two live from one another?
How long has it been since you've last spoken?
Are you prepared to wait for him to call you first? If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?
How far away do you two live from one another?
How long has it been since you've last spoken?
Are you prepared to wait for him to call you first? If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Hey guys,
Here is one of the passages I said I read on the "untouchability of the Virgo".
"How To Recognize:Virgo is noticed due to their slim and tall figure, and long and narrow face. Their forehead is high, cheekbones prominent, and heavy eyelids can be noticed in the eyes. Their lips are thin, and the chin pointed. Since they are very keen on their appearance, they usually have a slim and sports-like body, of which they are proud, but reluctant to show. Their whole appearance is pure embodiment of "cold", untouchable beauty, which, however, invites to be immortalized because it is so photogenic."
Be back later.
That sounds like me....sports-like body, pointy chin, heavy eyelids....ugh sounds horrible LOL
^^^LOL.
Thanks for pointing that out.
I know right? Obviously this 'physical representation' of the Virgo doesn't extend to all of us.
I was telling PreciousVirgin about a passage of the "untouchable" quality that I read the other night.
Couldn't find the original, but posted something close to it.
Thanks for pointing that out.
I know right? Obviously this 'physical representation' of the Virgo doesn't extend to all of us.
I was telling PreciousVirgin about a passage of the "untouchable" quality that I read the other night.
Couldn't find the original, but posted something close to it.
I give off the cold, untouchable thing...sometimes its purposely and other times its not....I guess just depending on the situation or my surroundings
^^ I just realized duhh I'm a virgo....of course I do that LOL
^^^Yes, and I'm constantly thinking about something so my eyebrows are almost always furrowed. People say I always have a worried look on my face.
Love that new avatar btw.
Love that new avatar btw.
^^ Hahaha....people say the same thing about me and I squint a lot when I'm thinking or analyzing something or someone
Thank you 🙂
Thank you 🙂
The honesty coming through girls and 25th is very humbling...I'm meeting a Virgo friend saturday, lots of history and we work together 5 outa 7. He asked me to be with him last year, I was totally floored needed time to think and he took that as rejection I think, then said hey not what I really wanted anyhowz— I find it hard to show how I feel and he still there being a friend and doing as I am too and hell there's so much more but don't wanna bore the tits off y'all...Conclusion being I don't want to be rejected either and don't want 2 reject him, bottom line it's a mess and not sure what to do.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
^^ Hahaha....people say the same thing about me and I squint a lot when I'm thinking or analyzing something or someone
Thank you 🙂
LIMM,
I initially posed this question to PV but I'd like to know what some of the rest of you girls think?
If you knew you would meet the love of your life (your true soulmate) but he would die in six months would you:
A)Forego your one chance at true love
B)Take it, experience utter and complete bliss, and all encompassing love for half a year, and then live a widow for the rest of your life, broken and inconsolable from the heaviest of hearts
You don't have to answer tonight. You can answer whenever you want.
"If you knew you would meet the love of your life (your true soulmate) but he would die in six months would you:
A)Forego your one chance at true love
B)Take it, experience utter and complete bliss, and all encompassing love for half a year, and then live a widow for the rest of your life, broken and inconsolable from the heaviest of hearts
You don't have to answer tonight. You can answer whenever you want."
Id probably pass it up.....it would be too hard to not live with that person for the rest of your life. I don't think I could handle it honestly and it would be easier to just walk away.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
"If you knew you would meet the love of your life (your true soulmate) but he would die in six months would you:
A)Forego your one chance at true love
B)Take it, experience utter and complete bliss, and all encompassing love for half a year, and then live a widow for the rest of your life, broken and inconsolable from the heaviest of hearts
You don't have to answer tonight. You can answer whenever you want."
Id probably pass it up.....it would be too hard to not live with that person for the rest of your life. I don't think I could handle it honestly and it would be easier to just walk away.
Thanks for answering.
Wow...I would do the same!
I'd rather not have it at all if it would mean in 6 months time I would be a widow/without the love of my life. Too painful. Even if I did choose option B, I wouldn't live too long myself after he died anyway, as I'm most sure I would die of a broken heart. 😢
Thanks 25th, I appreciate all you've said there. I did explain to him that he didn't give me enough time and had he of, then after removing a couple of hurdles chances are we would have been together. I told him my intention was never to hurt him and his reply went pretty much I know that and that's why I'm still your friend!
We have quite a firey relationship which sometimes I think is born of frustration and I'm sure at times he provokes an argument to get a reaction, then will apologise and say things like I love to hate you and can't work with you and can't work without you and can't live with you or without you?? He confuses me which makes me unsure and defensive...but I get what you're saying it's kinda like taking a leap of faith.
We have quite a firey relationship which sometimes I think is born of frustration and I'm sure at times he provokes an argument to get a reaction, then will apologise and say things like I love to hate you and can't work with you and can't work without you and can't live with you or without you?? He confuses me which makes me unsure and defensive...but I get what you're saying it's kinda like taking a leap of faith.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
^^^ I see.
How far away do you two live from one another?
How long has it been since you've last spoken?
Are you prepared to wait for him to call you first? If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?
We don't live far from each other in our hometown, but he works abroad and spends more time away than he does at home.
The last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago.
I don't think he will call, especially after all that's happened. The last time I saw him, I completely pulled away from him again. Said hello, but did not chat to him that evening. We made eye contact a few times. He was standing with the other woman (it was her birthday), I chatted and had a good time with a couple of other guys. He suddenly looked very serious and thoughtful, and then left (which made the other woman distraught). I went to another bar and he was there. I left him alone. He suddenly stood right behind me to order a drink, but we did not chat. We both stayed until closing time and it was just 4-5 people left. He stood in in the hallway of this place chatting to a couple of guys. I just walked past them without saying anything. I wanted to just leave him alone because I had come on a bit strongly a couple of times while he was back this time. Didn't want to seem clingy or needy.
So, that's the last time we saw each other. I think he's gone back to work abroad now, so really wish I had at least said goodbye to him that night 😢
He probably think I'm not interested or annoyed at him for the stuff that happened between us this time around, so he will not contact me. I'm 100% certain of that.
@VirgoVixxxen: "If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?"
Well, that's what I'm not sure about and why I came on here, because I simply don't know what to do now. Should I just take a chance and let him know in an email (as he's not in the country) exactly how I feel about him? Let him know that I never ment to mislead him and send mixed signals, but that I was terrified of getting rejected and hurt.
Or do I wait until he comes back and then tell him to his face?
The message would be good in one way because he likes to think about things, analyse everything, which he would be able to do while he's away. Also, I don't think he likes confrontations very much, so this would be a non confrontational way of doing it. Also, I don't want him to feel that every time he comes back there's some problem/confrontation with me (we've had enough of that, I think).
On the other hand, if I wait until he comes back again I can judge the situation. See how he reacts when he sees me again. Telling him directly would let him see that I really mean what I say (eyes, body language). However, I just know that I would find it so incredibly difficult to say this to his face, because I get so shy/nervous around him sometimes. I definitely don't want to have to drink in order to feel brave enough to tell him.
Ughhh.... I'm normally quite a brave person, but when it comes to him, I'm just so shy and nervous!
Well, that's what I'm not sure about and why I came on here, because I simply don't know what to do now. Should I just take a chance and let him know in an email (as he's not in the country) exactly how I feel about him? Let him know that I never ment to mislead him and send mixed signals, but that I was terrified of getting rejected and hurt.
Or do I wait until he comes back and then tell him to his face?
The message would be good in one way because he likes to think about things, analyse everything, which he would be able to do while he's away. Also, I don't think he likes confrontations very much, so this would be a non confrontational way of doing it. Also, I don't want him to feel that every time he comes back there's some problem/confrontation with me (we've had enough of that, I think).
On the other hand, if I wait until he comes back again I can judge the situation. See how he reacts when he sees me again. Telling him directly would let him see that I really mean what I say (eyes, body language). However, I just know that I would find it so incredibly difficult to say this to his face, because I get so shy/nervous around him sometimes. I definitely don't want to have to drink in order to feel brave enough to tell him.
Ughhh.... I'm normally quite a brave person, but when it comes to him, I'm just so shy and nervous!
Posted by seadream
The honesty coming through girls and 25th is very humbling...I'm meeting a Virgo friend saturday, lots of history and we work together 5 outa 7. He asked me to be with him last year, I was totally floored needed time to think and he took that as rejection I think, then said hey not what I really wanted anyhowz— I find it hard to show how I feel and he still there being a friend and doing as I am too and hell there's so much more but don't wanna bore the tits off y'all...Conclusion being I don't want to be rejected either and don't want 2 reject him, bottom line it's a mess and not sure what to do.
Seadream,
The fact that he asked you to be with him last year is obviously a clear indicator that he liked you very much. I understand that you weren't ready, but now that you are(?) what would make you think that he would reject you now?
Maybe I'm wrong but, surely his feelings from last year to this year couldn't have changed...at least not drastically. I need more info. Why are you saying it would be a mess? Is he seeing someone? Are you not quite sure if you actually want to be with him or not?
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by LostinmyMind11
"If you knew you would meet the love of your life (your true soulmate) but he would die in six months would you:
A)Forego your one chance at true love
B)Take it, experience utter and complete bliss, and all encompassing love for half a year, and then live a widow for the rest of your life, broken and inconsolable from the heaviest of hearts
You don't have to answer tonight. You can answer whenever you want."
Id probably pass it up.....it would be too hard to not live with that person for the rest of your life. I don't think I could handle it honestly and it would be easier to just walk away.
Thanks for answering.
Wow...I would do the same!
I'd rather not have it at all if it would mean in 6 months time I would be a widow/without the love of my life. Too painful. Even if I did choose option B, I wouldn't live too long myself after he died anyway, as I'm most sure I would die of a broken heart. 😢click to expand
Its kinda sad that that's the way we think....I wouldn't want to deal with the emotions that would be involved...I'd be an absolute mess!! When my Pisces bf passed away.....I was devastated...I honestly cant put into words what I felt and still feel sometimes and I wouldn't want to go down that road with someone else....specially knowing that they are my true soul mate!
Posted by CancerMoon
I think the fact that we can better ourselves in every area except love is also a reason why we are so reluctant to open up.
I am very self-conscious when it comes to love, romance. I am so hard on myself, seeing my faults as something that makes me an unamiable person. I love my talents, my mind and practicality but not really myself with all my faults. And I cannot understand how anyone else would. Of course I will be suspicious of any guy who shows interest in me. I think he doesn't really mean it. Or that he'll run once he really gets to know me.
And then there's the fear to get hurt. Because when you are finally opening up and make yourself vulnerable and then the guy just takes your heart and walks all over it as if it were nothing, it feels like all those insecurities were right in the first place.
CancerMoon,
Thank you for this.
It's as if we're all the same person.
I don't like being hard on myself. People tell me all of the time that I need to relax...but how? It's like breathing.
Yes, finally opening up and having someone break your heart does reinforce your insecurities. *cringe*
LIMM made a funny statement one time: "these evil things called feelings". Uuggghhh...vulnerability is a challenge.
The upside is that this is something that can be worked on. We can train our inner critic to reduce the negative and focus on the positive. I had a teacher who used to always tell me "be kind to yourself". I will never forget those words.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
Its kinda sad that that's the way we think....I wouldn't want to deal with the emotions that would be involved...I'd be an absolute mess!! When my Pisces bf passed away.....I was devastated...I honestly cant put into words what I felt and still feel sometimes and I wouldn't want to go down that road with someone else....specially knowing that they are my true soul mate!
I know and the funniest part is that alot of the negative things that we tell ourselves aren't true.
I remember you speaking of your Pisces ex in the past and how much it affected you.
The pain would be too much to bear. I wouldn't do it.
Thank you for this.
It's as if we're all the same person.
I don't like being hard on myself. People tell me all of the time that I need to relax...but how? It's like breathing.
Yes, finally opening up and having someone break your heart does reinforce your insecurities. *cringe*
LIMM made a funny statement one time: "these evil things called feelings". Uuggghhh...vulnerability is a challenge.
The upside is that this is something that can be worked on. We can train our inner critic to reduce the negative and focus on the positive. I had a teacher who used to always tell me "be kind to yourself". I will never forget those words.
^^^^ All that above. I hold down a good job and very confident in what I do, I'm pretty social, well when I'm not in my space/zone time (everyone needs and has the right to that) but freak when it comes to baring my soul to someone and especially when I've met my match I turn into the ice maiden with a capital I...Just trying to protect "This old heart of mine", Rod Stewart styly!!!
VV, 25th you're very honest peeps here and I really have a prob hanging my washing out! would it be ok to PM you? if not it ok as your time has been valuable
It's as if we're all the same person.
I don't like being hard on myself. People tell me all of the time that I need to relax...but how? It's like breathing.
Yes, finally opening up and having someone break your heart does reinforce your insecurities. *cringe*
LIMM made a funny statement one time: "these evil things called feelings". Uuggghhh...vulnerability is a challenge.
The upside is that this is something that can be worked on. We can train our inner critic to reduce the negative and focus on the positive. I had a teacher who used to always tell me "be kind to yourself". I will never forget those words.
^^^^ All that above. I hold down a good job and very confident in what I do, I'm pretty social, well when I'm not in my space/zone time (everyone needs and has the right to that) but freak when it comes to baring my soul to someone and especially when I've met my match I turn into the ice maiden with a capital I...Just trying to protect "This old heart of mine", Rod Stewart styly!!!
VV, 25th you're very honest peeps here and I really have a prob hanging my washing out! would it be ok to PM you? if not it ok as your time has been valuable
Posted by seadream
Thank you for this.
It's as if we're all the same person.
I don't like being hard on myself. People tell me all of the time that I need to relax...but how? It's like breathing.
Yes, finally opening up and having someone break your heart does reinforce your insecurities. *cringe*
LIMM made a funny statement one time: "these evil things called feelings". Uuggghhh...vulnerability is a challenge.
The upside is that this is something that can be worked on. We can train our inner critic to reduce the negative and focus on the positive. I had a teacher who used to always tell me "be kind to yourself". I will never forget those words.
^^^^ All that above. I hold down a good job and very confident in what I do, I'm pretty social, well when I'm not in my space/zone time (everyone needs and has the right to that) but freak when it comes to baring my soul to someone and especially when I've met my match I turn into the ice maiden with a capital I...Just trying to protect "This old heart of mine", Rod Stewart styly!!!
VV, 25th you're very honest peeps here and I really have a prob hanging my washing out! would it be ok to PM you? if not it ok as your time has been valuable
Not a problem at all.
Posted by sunnycap
@VirgoVixxxen: "If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?"
Well, that's what I'm not sure about and why I came on here, because I simply don't know what to do now. Should I just take a chance and let him know in an email (as he's not in the country) exactly how I feel about him? Let him know that I never ment to mislead him and send mixed signals, but that I was terrified of getting rejected and hurt.
Or do I wait until he comes back and then tell him to his face?
The message would be good in one way because he likes to think about things, analyse everything, which he would be able to do while he's away. Also, I don't think he likes confrontations very much, so this would be a non confrontational way of doing it. Also, I don't want him to feel that every time he comes back there's some problem/confrontation with me (we've had enough of that, I think).
On the other hand, if I wait until he comes back again I can judge the situation. See how he reacts when he sees me again. Telling him directly would let him see that I really mean what I say (eyes, body language). However, I just know that I would find it so incredibly difficult to say this to his face, because I get so shy/nervous around him sometimes. I definitely don't want to have to drink in order to feel brave enough to tell him.
Ughhh.... I'm normally quite a brave person, but when it comes to him, I'm just so shy and nervous!
SC,
See, the tools are already within you. All you have to do now is:
1. Decide which 'plan' you will employ
2. Move past your comfort zone
We've talked a bit about 'taking a leap of faith' and whatnot, but ultimately this has to be YOUR decision so even though we are giving you advice, please be sure that at the day's end, whatever you decide is based solely on what's in your heart, and not necessarily on what we are telling you here on this forum.
Ok, so you're shy and nervous, and all that. Cool. We understand. But you can look at this in either one or three ways:
A) Release your fears for a few moments and possibly get the guy of your dreams (maybe even someday have 2.5 kids and a house with a White pickett fence...)
B) Release your fears for a few moments and possibly not get the guy of your dreams. Are you prepared to deal with that?
C) Let it be/do nothing and live with the shoulda, coulda...
Posted by sunnycap
@VirgoVixxxen: "If he doesn't (hypothetical), what's your plan of action?"
Well, that's what I'm not sure about and why I came on here, because I simply don't know what to do now. Should I just take a chance and let him know in an email (as he's not in the country) exactly how I feel about him? Let him know that I never ment to mislead him and send mixed signals, but that I was terrified of getting rejected and hurt.
Or do I wait until he comes back and then tell him to his face?
The message would be good in one way because he likes to think about things, analyse everything, which he would be able to do while he's away. Also, I don't think he likes confrontations very much, so this would be a non confrontational way of doing it. Also, I don't want him to feel that every time he comes back there's some problem/confrontation with me (we've had enough of that, I think).
On the other hand, if I wait until he comes back again I can judge the situation. See how he reacts when he sees me again. Telling him directly would let him see that I really mean what I say (eyes, body language). However, I just know that I would find it so incredibly difficult to say this to his face, because I get so shy/nervous around him sometimes. I definitely don't want to have to drink in order to feel brave enough to tell him.
Ughhh.... I'm normally quite a brave person, but when it comes to him, I'm just so shy and nervous!
Continued...
By which method you should reveal your feelings for him is something you will also have to decide based on your level of comfortability. I think it's great that you've also taken into consideration his communication style .
Two suggestions:
1. If you do it face to face you can always preface the admission with a statement like "you don't have to say anything now/right away. If you'd like to take some time to think about what/everything I just said, that's fine, and hopefully we can talk about it again/you can tell me your thoughts within a few days or so".
2. If you do it via e-mail, you can be honest and let him know the reason your sending via e-mail is because you understand that he likes to have time to think things over, etc. You can also let him know that another reason you sent him an e-mail is because you yourself were very afraid/shy/nervous to tell him in person because you care for him so much.
^^^Continued @ SC,
Going with #1 will take the pressure off of him having to give you a response right away, and as you stated, will afford you a better opportunity to gauge his reaction.
Going with #2 again will not only take the pressure off of him having to give you a response right away, but will also take the pressure off of you having to do it face to face.
It just comes down to what you can handle/how far you are willing to leap. I know the idea of him possibly rejecting you is probably one of the worst things that could happen to you...right? At least at this point in your life? Examine your coping skills from now. If he said no, how would you cope? Will it really be the end of the world? Would you allow yourself to love again? Who's your support team? Most importantly, is he worth the risk even if it doesn't turn out in your favor?
Going with #1 will take the pressure off of him having to give you a response right away, and as you stated, will afford you a better opportunity to gauge his reaction.
Going with #2 again will not only take the pressure off of him having to give you a response right away, but will also take the pressure off of you having to do it face to face.
It just comes down to what you can handle/how far you are willing to leap. I know the idea of him possibly rejecting you is probably one of the worst things that could happen to you...right? At least at this point in your life? Examine your coping skills from now. If he said no, how would you cope? Will it really be the end of the world? Would you allow yourself to love again? Who's your support team? Most importantly, is he worth the risk even if it doesn't turn out in your favor?
yep agree j
@VirgoVixxxen
Thank you so much for your advice, and I'm sorry for the late reply. I've spent Easter with family and friends trying to occupy my mind with something else. It almost worked...🙂
At this precise moment, I've decided to wait to tell him anything until he's back. The reason is that it might be better to tell him face to face, because then he can see my face and body language and know that I truly mean what I say. Your suggestion to say that he does not have to say anything back there and then is a really good idea! I just want him to know what I truly feel about him and know that I really mean it. I've been debating this in my head for a few weeks, and this is what I feel is the right thing now. I might well change my mind again at some point, though. He's not back for another 8 weeks or so, so a lot of time to think about it.
I got a reply from another really nice Virgo lady on my own thread (http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/Virgo-man-do-I-tell-him-how-I-feel-% A0-2528709.asp?p=2#2547716). If you have time to look at it, do you agree that it's quite common for Virgos to behave like that?
Thank you so much for your advice, and I'm sorry for the late reply. I've spent Easter with family and friends trying to occupy my mind with something else. It almost worked...🙂
At this precise moment, I've decided to wait to tell him anything until he's back. The reason is that it might be better to tell him face to face, because then he can see my face and body language and know that I truly mean what I say. Your suggestion to say that he does not have to say anything back there and then is a really good idea! I just want him to know what I truly feel about him and know that I really mean it. I've been debating this in my head for a few weeks, and this is what I feel is the right thing now. I might well change my mind again at some point, though. He's not back for another 8 weeks or so, so a lot of time to think about it.
I got a reply from another really nice Virgo lady on my own thread (http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/Virgo-man-do-I-tell-him-how-I-feel-% A0-2528709.asp?p=2#2547716). If you have time to look at it, do you agree that it's quite common for Virgos to behave like that?
SC:. I get the Quote from air and fire: The next time you talk to him, tell him everything that you need to say, don't ever think his reaction or your reaction after you say it, JUST SAY IT WITH THE GUTS!!!the first words that coming out from your mouth is probably the most sincere...Life is to short to waste for not having a chance to experience to be happy...😛...if i could take my own advice...lol....
Posted by preciousvirgin
SC:. I get the Quote from air and fire: The next time you talk to him, tell him everything that you need to say, don't ever think his reaction or your reaction after you say it, JUST SAY IT WITH THE GUTS!!!the first words that coming out from your mouth is probably the most sincere...Life is to short to waste for not having a chance to experience to be happy...😛...if i could take my own advice...lol....
I really agree. The way I see it now is that I have nothing to lose, really. The next time I see him it will be a year since we first were together and I said what I said (about not being that interested, just wanting some fun and games) because I felt rejected, hurt and confused. How I regret saying it now! A lesson learned at least, and time to be really honest and then live with whatever happens after that.
What's been holding me back also is that he's said that he doesn't like expectations and that he's never promised me anything, and that he leads two very different lives (one at work in a war zone, one here at home). He said that after I told him what I wasn't that interested etc. When I heard him saying that, I tried to play it cool not wanting to seem too keen or clingy in any way. However, my actions have probably spoken louder than words sometimes (coming on strongly at times, confronting him about other women), and he might well suspect what I feel. But despite all this, I feel I really need to just be plain honest about my feelings for him. I expect that he will probably panic, pull away and keep away from me after that, but I will give him space and at least I've been honest🙂
You never know whats gonna happen after you say what you need to say...Capri and Virgo has the same determination to get what we want...Lets apply this determination it becomes to our emotions shall we? I know its a hard task lol..i've been there with my capi man, its just that he is very slow to response and that made me ran fast after i spilled my feelings towards him...atleast after that im feeling better..trust me it works, rather than holding it for the rest of your life... Who knows, what if his feeling is the same like how you feel towards him, its just that he's scared to admit....
i try to open your other thread but it wasn't there (Do i tell him how i feel)....
Posted by preciousvirgin
i try to open your other thread but it wasn't there (Do i tell him how i feel)....
Thank you for your reply. I hope your Capricorn man comes around quickly! I think there's something about Virgos and Capricorns, some sort of unexplainable chemistry. I've certainly never felt quite like this about anyone before.
The other thread should be working. I got it open now. Perhaps it was something wrong with the link I posted. Hopefully this one will work🙂
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/Virgo-man-do-I-tell-him-how-I-feel-% A0-2528709.asp?p=2#2547716
I'm building a new life and happy now with my Leo Man....🙂
Posted by sunnycap
@VirgoVixxxen
Thank you so much for your advice, and I'm sorry for the late reply. I've spent Easter with family and friends trying to occupy my mind with something else. It almost worked...🙂
At this precise moment, I've decided to wait to tell him anything until he's back. The reason is that it might be better to tell him face to face, because then he can see my face and body language and know that I truly mean what I say. Your suggestion to say that he does not have to say anything back there and then is a really good idea! I just want him to know what I truly feel about him and know that I really mean it. I've been debating this in my head for a few weeks, and this is what I feel is the right thing now. I might well change my mind again at some point, though. He's not back for another 8 weeks or so, so a lot of time to think about it.
I got a reply from another really nice Virgo lady on my own thread (http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/Virgo-man-do-I-tell-him-how-I-feel-% A0-2528709.asp?p=2#2547716). If you have time to look at it, do you agree that it's quite common for Virgos to behave like that?
Hi SC!
You're welcome.
I think your decision to tell him face to face along with your reasons is absolutely wonderful!
If you happen to change your mind and go the other route, that's ok.
Regardless of which method you choose to tell him, simply making the decision to move forward and tell him is half the battle.
I will check out the response from the other Virgo lady in a few and get back to you.
@VirgoVixxxen and @preciousvirgin
I think there might be some problems with my thread, so I've copied the reply from the other nice Virgo lady below:
"Yea, that is how a virgo can act. He is not showing his true feelings for you, acting as if things are well the way that they are when he knows that they aren't. Him talking and going out with other women is not necessarily to make you jealous. It just means that he is trying to block you out of his mind. He doesn't want to develop all these feelings for you if he isn't sure that you want to be with him. So the more women he goes out with, the less time he spends thinking about you. It is STILL hard for him to just abandon how he feels for you, but he is trying the best that he can. Virgos can be really into to someone and wait for them until they come around. I don't mean just sitting in their house rotting. I mean, they will date and might even sleep with other people. But the fire still burns deep inside for that ONE special person. Until that person shows genuine interest, then a virgo will continue to live his/her life. If you want this guy, stop telling him what you two aren't. Don't tell him that you think that you're coming on too heavy. Don't tell him that it is okay to see other women. Do you see the negativity that you're giving him? Be more mysterious about what you want while not "saying" what you want. He will pick up on your behavior. The more you behave aloof and act as if the two of you are nothing serious, the more he will pull away."
Love to hear if you also feel that this could be the case. 🙂
I think there might be some problems with my thread, so I've copied the reply from the other nice Virgo lady below:
"Yea, that is how a virgo can act. He is not showing his true feelings for you, acting as if things are well the way that they are when he knows that they aren't. Him talking and going out with other women is not necessarily to make you jealous. It just means that he is trying to block you out of his mind. He doesn't want to develop all these feelings for you if he isn't sure that you want to be with him. So the more women he goes out with, the less time he spends thinking about you. It is STILL hard for him to just abandon how he feels for you, but he is trying the best that he can. Virgos can be really into to someone and wait for them until they come around. I don't mean just sitting in their house rotting. I mean, they will date and might even sleep with other people. But the fire still burns deep inside for that ONE special person. Until that person shows genuine interest, then a virgo will continue to live his/her life. If you want this guy, stop telling him what you two aren't. Don't tell him that you think that you're coming on too heavy. Don't tell him that it is okay to see other women. Do you see the negativity that you're giving him? Be more mysterious about what you want while not "saying" what you want. He will pick up on your behavior. The more you behave aloof and act as if the two of you are nothing serious, the more he will pull away."
Love to hear if you also feel that this could be the case. 🙂
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While I have never done that, I can understand why many women do.
Talking about your feelings makes you vulnerable and if you are the type that's greatly afraid of rejection (like many of us are), then luring the guy with sex sort of makes it a bit easier/less nerve wracking in the sense that you first use your body to bring him to you, and then once he's hooked (or if he ever gets hooked), and you know that he really cares for you as well, then you can begin to open up and share with him how you really feel without the fear of being rejected. Somewhat of a backwards ass approach I guess.