VirgoVixxxen
@VirgoVixxxen
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Cont. thread for seadream's question for Virgals (Page 3)
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VirgoVixxxen
I agree and I have been thinking that this is possibly the reason he's pulled away from being with me intimately this time around. The thing is, he's also said that he doesn't like expectations and that he's not promised me anything. I know I said that I wasn't interested in anything heavy first, but he might have still said this regardless. When he said this, I too was very afraid of getting hurt, so tried to be cool and aloof. Basically playing along with his game. But as someone said, two wrong does not make one right.
What I don't really understand is that he has no problem being with the other women, it seems it's just me he's pulled away from (at least intimately). We did spend 6 hours together in a bar with some other friends. He basically sat and stood next to me the whole evening. He seemed very shy and could not talk much until he had drunk quite a bit. He talked to another mutual girlfriend of ours, and chatted away without problems, With me, he was quite tongue tied. I just don't understand it. Is he not scared of getting hurt by the other women he's been with, just me? And if so, why? Is it because he can sense that I say one thing but want something else deep down? Or is he scared of his own feelings and of getting hurt by me? He knows one of the other women he's had an on/off thing with before he and I met really loves him, yet it does not seem to frighten him as I think he was with her when he was back this time.
I'm so confused about these mixed signals, which I'm also guilty of sending myself. I know I have to tell him how I feel to clear up any confusion from my side, but I'm so scared of opening up to him if he does not have any feelings for me at all. I've just come out of a 20 year long relationship, so I'm pretty bad at reading signals I guess, and that makes me very insecure and nervous. I need to know that he feels something for me before I can feel brave enough to tell him how I feel.
I agree and I have been thinking that this is possibly the reason he's pulled away from being with me intimately this time around. The thing is, he's also said that he doesn't like expectations and that he's not promised me anything. I know I said that I wasn't interested in anything heavy first, but he might have still said this regardless. When he said this, I too was very afraid of getting hurt, so tried to be cool and aloof. Basically playing along with his game. But as someone said, two wrong does not make one right.
What I don't really understand is that he has no problem being with the other women, it seems it's just me he's pulled away from (at least intimately). We did spend 6 hours together in a bar with some other friends. He basically sat and stood next to me the whole evening. He seemed very shy and could not talk much until he had drunk quite a bit. He talked to another mutual girlfriend of ours, and chatted away without problems, With me, he was quite tongue tied. I just don't understand it. Is he not scared of getting hurt by the other women he's been with, just me? And if so, why? Is it because he can sense that I say one thing but want something else deep down? Or is he scared of his own feelings and of getting hurt by me? He knows one of the other women he's had an on/off thing with before he and I met really loves him, yet it does not seem to frighten him as I think he was with her when he was back this time.
I'm so confused about these mixed signals, which I'm also guilty of sending myself. I know I have to tell him how I feel to clear up any confusion from my side, but I'm so scared of opening up to him if he does not have any feelings for me at all. I've just come out of a 20 year long relationship, so I'm pretty bad at reading signals I guess, and that makes me very insecure and nervous. I need to know that he feels something for me before I can feel brave enough to tell him how I feel.
Hi SC,
I understand.
It's possible he could have mentioned that he doesn't like expectations, and that he wasn't promising you anything because of the situation that he just came out of.
Of all of the women that he is seeing, although you may be the one that he has the most chemistry/compatibility with, and the one he's known the longest, maybe the other women are not behaving in the manner that you are (even the other one who is also in love with him), and that could be the reason you are the only one he has pulled away from.
Virgos prefer simple, drama-free relationships, and him being in the process of getting over the pain of his previous relationship, more than likely the last thing he wants right now is to deal with a woman who is sending him mixed signals/blowing hot & cold (even in a sort of FWB set-up). Due to our natural tendency to worry, stress, overanalyze, and be really hard on ourselves, we would prefer to cut the source of our agitation right out, than to try and make it work, especially if it is with someone that we are not even in a relationship with.
I understand.
It's possible he could have mentioned that he doesn't like expectations, and that he wasn't promising you anything because of the situation that he just came out of.
Of all of the women that he is seeing, although you may be the one that he has the most chemistry/compatibility with, and the one he's known the longest, maybe the other women are not behaving in the manner that you are (even the other one who is also in love with him), and that could be the reason you are the only one he has pulled away from.
Virgos prefer simple, drama-free relationships, and him being in the process of getting over the pain of his previous relationship, more than likely the last thing he wants right now is to deal with a woman who is sending him mixed signals/blowing hot & cold (even in a sort of FWB set-up). Due to our natural tendency to worry, stress, overanalyze, and be really hard on ourselves, we would prefer to cut the source of our agitation right out, than to try and make it work, especially if it is with someone that we are not even in a relationship with.
Continued...
I know that you say that he has sent you mixed signals as well, and I know that this has contributed greatly to your fear of being rejected.
Please don't be discouraged by anything I've said. I just think it's important that we look at the possibilities of what could be going on here from all sides.
I wish it were less complicated than this, but the fact of the matter is that it is not, and we could analyze, assume, infer, and pick this thing apart all day long, but the only way you are going to know where you really stand with him is if you decide to take that L.O.F. and find out for yourself.
I know that you say that he has sent you mixed signals as well, and I know that this has contributed greatly to your fear of being rejected.
Please don't be discouraged by anything I've said. I just think it's important that we look at the possibilities of what could be going on here from all sides.
I wish it were less complicated than this, but the fact of the matter is that it is not, and we could analyze, assume, infer, and pick this thing apart all day long, but the only way you are going to know where you really stand with him is if you decide to take that L.O.F. and find out for yourself.
Hi VV
Again, you're right... I need to take a leap of faith and just say how I feel when I see him again. I'm just dreading it because of my fear of rejection and of getting emotionally hurt, because he means so much to me. I can't bear the thought of not having any hope of being with him at some point in the near future!
As for drama... well, I think this Virgo actually likes a bit of drama. After we had that hefty argument a few weeks ago, he pressed my buttons again the next time we saw each other. I told him to stop pressing my buttons now that he knows what they are (in a friendly, joking sort of way), but he kept going for a while. He has also created drama a couple of times in the past when we've been together, then smiling a coy and cheeky smile! Both times we ended up in bed together! He definitely has a bit of a wild side to him, always has done, which is probably why he can do the job he does. However, I have to say that he's wild and dramatic only when he's very drunk (as far as I know).
But even when very drunk, he's been very shy around me before feeling brave and creating the drama described above. At Christmas, when we bumped into each other for the first time after 3 months, he could not even say hello to me when we suddenly stood face to face. It was in a bar, he was very drunk, and all he did was stare at me, opened his mouth to say something, and then just had to walk off. But, he kept coming back to me, then walking off again in a dramatic fashion, before confronting a guy I was talking to, asking him who he was. When I left the bar, he followed me, and we subsequently ended up at my place, having the best time ever together! However, the following morning, we were both very shy with each other again, scared of making the first move. He did in the end, by a small gesture, and we were fine. But we both act like embarrassed, shy teenagers around each other, even though we've had a night of passion a few hours earlier.
I know I'm like that because I have such deep feelings for him, but I'm not sure if it's the same reason for him.
Again, you're right... I need to take a leap of faith and just say how I feel when I see him again. I'm just dreading it because of my fear of rejection and of getting emotionally hurt, because he means so much to me. I can't bear the thought of not having any hope of being with him at some point in the near future!
As for drama... well, I think this Virgo actually likes a bit of drama. After we had that hefty argument a few weeks ago, he pressed my buttons again the next time we saw each other. I told him to stop pressing my buttons now that he knows what they are (in a friendly, joking sort of way), but he kept going for a while. He has also created drama a couple of times in the past when we've been together, then smiling a coy and cheeky smile! Both times we ended up in bed together! He definitely has a bit of a wild side to him, always has done, which is probably why he can do the job he does. However, I have to say that he's wild and dramatic only when he's very drunk (as far as I know).
But even when very drunk, he's been very shy around me before feeling brave and creating the drama described above. At Christmas, when we bumped into each other for the first time after 3 months, he could not even say hello to me when we suddenly stood face to face. It was in a bar, he was very drunk, and all he did was stare at me, opened his mouth to say something, and then just had to walk off. But, he kept coming back to me, then walking off again in a dramatic fashion, before confronting a guy I was talking to, asking him who he was. When I left the bar, he followed me, and we subsequently ended up at my place, having the best time ever together! However, the following morning, we were both very shy with each other again, scared of making the first move. He did in the end, by a small gesture, and we were fine. But we both act like embarrassed, shy teenagers around each other, even though we've had a night of passion a few hours earlier.
I know I'm like that because I have such deep feelings for him, but I'm not sure if it's the same reason for him.
SC,
Your fear has you in a state of paralysis.
His actions as you described tells me that he may feel the same, and is just as afraid of rejection as you. However, I do not wish to give you false hope so please do not take my statement as gospel because again, the only way you are going to know for sure how he feels about you is if you talk to him directly.
It is up to you and only you to decide when you want to take that L.O.F.
We could go over this a thousand times, and I know that you need support, and maybe re-assurance (and we are happy to help) but continuously re-hashing specific events between you and he, will not solve your dilemma, and might be an indication that you are not ready for a relationship with him.
If you can't bear living with the idea of knowing that he doesn't feel the same then maybe you are better off not knowing at all?
Dig into yourself. To know, or not to know?
It really comes down to what you can handle (in all senses of the word - emotionally, psychologically, etc.)
Quite frankly, you both sound underdeveloped and immature as it pertains to matters of the heart. You can passionately sleep together but can't even manage to look eachother in the eye the next morning.
Your fear has you in a state of paralysis.
His actions as you described tells me that he may feel the same, and is just as afraid of rejection as you. However, I do not wish to give you false hope so please do not take my statement as gospel because again, the only way you are going to know for sure how he feels about you is if you talk to him directly.
It is up to you and only you to decide when you want to take that L.O.F.
We could go over this a thousand times, and I know that you need support, and maybe re-assurance (and we are happy to help) but continuously re-hashing specific events between you and he, will not solve your dilemma, and might be an indication that you are not ready for a relationship with him.
If you can't bear living with the idea of knowing that he doesn't feel the same then maybe you are better off not knowing at all?
Dig into yourself. To know, or not to know?
It really comes down to what you can handle (in all senses of the word - emotionally, psychologically, etc.)
Quite frankly, you both sound underdeveloped and immature as it pertains to matters of the heart. You can passionately sleep together but can't even manage to look eachother in the eye the next morning.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
SC,
Your fear has you in a state of paralysis.
His actions as you described tells me that he may feel the same, and is just as afraid of rejection as you. However, I do not wish to give you false hope so please do not take my statement as gospel because again, the only way you are going to know for sure how he feels about you is if you talk to him directly.
It is up to you and only you to decide when you want to take that L.O.F.
We could go over this a thousand times, and I know that you need support, and maybe re-assurance (and we are happy to help) but continuously re-hashing specific events between you and he, will not solve your dilemma, and might be an indication that you are not ready for a relationship with him.
If you can't bear living with the idea of knowing that he doesn't feel the same then maybe you are better off not knowing at all?
Dig into yourself. To know, or not to know?
It really comes down to what you can handle (in all senses of the word - emotionally, psychologically, etc.)
Quite frankly, you both sound underdeveloped and immature as it pertains to matters of the heart. You can passionately sleep together but can't even manage to look eachother in the eye the next morning.
hello VV....I agree, No matter what we have to say or advice, the decision still on your hands SC...It's all up to you how to make him come back...I understand how you feel,it is better to tell him everything than to suffer at the end...Be honest to him, and most importantly be honest to yourself...Just don't keep in touch coz i am interested to knwo what is gonna happen between you and him..🙂...because i can mirror myself on you when i was with my jackass cappy man..hahaha!! wish you all the best and goodluck...
i mean "JUST KEEP IN TOUCH"..pardon me...😛
Continued...
SC,
Here's a suggestion if you decide you can't/don't want to do the L.O.F. right now (which is absolutely fine).
You need to start small (gestures and all), and build your way into a solid relationship.
You should start by spending time with him OUTSIDE OF THE CLUB - dinner and a movie? Museum? Park?
Get into the habit of just being with him, learning more about him as a person, getting comfortable looking him in the eyes (devoid of lust or looks that say "I want to jump your bones"), simply talking to him, re-gaining his trust, being a partner, a friend - all things more than a sex buddy.
If this is meant to be, it may take some time to evolve to the point where you are both completely comfortable in eachother's presence, and that's ok. In time, you might also find that his idea of not wanting a relationshiop will change, because he's found a 'true friend' first. Someone reliable, consistent, genuine, and who doesn't play games.
If this is not in the cards, at least you can rest assured(?) knowing that you didn't have to put yourself through the grueling task of laying all of your cards on the table in one fell swoop (at least not right away), but that you did the real work to try and build a solid foundation, as sincerely as possible, and have come away more of a woman who has grown more as a person, and learned a few more essential skills in the art of dating, love, etc.
SC,
Here's a suggestion if you decide you can't/don't want to do the L.O.F. right now (which is absolutely fine).
You need to start small (gestures and all), and build your way into a solid relationship.
You should start by spending time with him OUTSIDE OF THE CLUB - dinner and a movie? Museum? Park?
Get into the habit of just being with him, learning more about him as a person, getting comfortable looking him in the eyes (devoid of lust or looks that say "I want to jump your bones"), simply talking to him, re-gaining his trust, being a partner, a friend - all things more than a sex buddy.
If this is meant to be, it may take some time to evolve to the point where you are both completely comfortable in eachother's presence, and that's ok. In time, you might also find that his idea of not wanting a relationshiop will change, because he's found a 'true friend' first. Someone reliable, consistent, genuine, and who doesn't play games.
If this is not in the cards, at least you can rest assured(?) knowing that you didn't have to put yourself through the grueling task of laying all of your cards on the table in one fell swoop (at least not right away), but that you did the real work to try and build a solid foundation, as sincerely as possible, and have come away more of a woman who has grown more as a person, and learned a few more essential skills in the art of dating, love, etc.
Posted by preciousvirginPosted by VirgoVixxxen
SC,
Your fear has you in a state of paralysis.
His actions as you described tells me that he may feel the same, and is just as afraid of rejection as you. However, I do not wish to give you false hope so please do not take my statement as gospel because again, the only way you are going to know for sure how he feels about you is if you talk to him directly.
It is up to you and only you to decide when you want to take that L.O.F.
We could go over this a thousand times, and I know that you need support, and maybe re-assurance (and we are happy to help) but continuously re-hashing specific events between you and he, will not solve your dilemma, and might be an indication that you are not ready for a relationship with him.
If you can't bear living with the idea of knowing that he doesn't feel the same then maybe you are better off not knowing at all?
Dig into yourself. To know, or not to know?
It really comes down to what you can handle (in all senses of the word - emotionally, psychologically, etc.)
Quite frankly, you both sound underdeveloped and immature as it pertains to matters of the heart. You can passionately sleep together but can't even manage to look eachother in the eye the next morning.
hello VV....I agree, No matter what we have to say or advice, the decision still on your hands SC...It's all up to you how to make him come back...I understand how you feel,it is better to tell him everything than to suffer at the end...Be honest to him, and most importantly be honest to yourself...Just don't keep in touch coz i am interested to knwo what is gonna happen between you and him..🙂...because i can mirror myself on you when i was with my jackass cappy man..hahaha!! wish you all the best and goodluck...click to expand
Hey PV!
Love your new avatar btw, and thanks.
These situations are not easy because they cause us to confront ourselves and others in what may seem the most of scariest situations. I know how SC feels, and wish for everything to work in her favor.
Have you been in a relationship with a Cappy VV— GOOsshhh....it's kinda like an Emotional tortured for both....
Posted by preciousvirgin
Have you been in a relationship with a Cappy VV— GOOsshhh....it's kinda like an Emotional tortured for both....
No, but there was a cappy guy that I worked with sometime ago. A few years older than me, very debonair (you know how those cap men do), hardworking, and intelligent.
He made the effort to come by and talk to me all of the time, and we'd just chit chat about random stuff.
After working there for a bit, he started getting all weird on me. He would get nervous and turn red when I would come around. He also started putting on suits with top hats! LOL.
Funny thing, I wasn't at all attracted to him so I know that I never gave off any vibes. When I was leaving the job, he would come by and ask me when my last day would be and I would feign ignorance. Wasn't feeling him like that, but he was a nice guy, and I could tell that he was very shy and hard on himself. Cappies and Virgos have that in common.
What's up with you and your Cap? How long have you been seeing him? Is he giving you a hard time?
You can never get us to respect you if you don't act like a respectable person....What you give is what you get, don't give us a shit ...If you don't like us, just say so, if you like us, just say so you can have our answer at the same time....We bow our head it becomes to honesty...We hate to play it becomes to our emotion we respect other people feelings...
SORRY, I love you but i love myself more... I mean, i told myself that I love him but I love myself more...But to be Honest with you VV, That strange feelings of mine towards him i cannot compare from my first and my present relationship there is no words to explain....
Hey PV!
Whoa! This dude sounds like a bit of a jerk (no offense), and he's immature and insecure to boot.
Is he really sleeping with all of those girls or does he just say that to make you jealous?
I'm glad you put your foot down and stopped putting up with his shit.
You say you've been with him for about two years now so tell me...has he straightened up any?
Whoa! This dude sounds like a bit of a jerk (no offense), and he's immature and insecure to boot.
Is he really sleeping with all of those girls or does he just say that to make you jealous?
I'm glad you put your foot down and stopped putting up with his shit.
You say you've been with him for about two years now so tell me...has he straightened up any?
Last time i know , he went to afghanistan...sig up for a 1 year contract...He never done that before...may be he was really hurt too...I don't know, its been almost a year now since the last time we spoke...i am now with a LEO Man.....
He was my True Love but my worst experienced ever....
Posted by preciousvirgin
Last time i know , he went to afghanistan...sig up for a 1 year contract...He never done that before...may be he was really hurt too...I don't know, its been almost a year now since the last time we spoke...i am now with a LEO Man.....
Oh so after you put your foot down he went off to afghanistan?
And you say maybe he was really hurt?- ya think!
A Leo eh?...hmmm...how's that working out for you?
Posted by preciousvirgin
He was my True Love but my worst experienced ever....
Now ain't that some shit? Since when are 'true loves' supposed to be your worst experiences ever? *SMH*
Do you think you'll ever see him again? Did you try contacting/locating him after he left for Afghanistan or did you keep him on ice?
Usually for me, when I'm done with you, I ain't even bothering to look for yo' ass. LOL.
Oh so after you put your foot down he went off to afghanistan?
And you say maybe he was really hurt?- ya think!
A Leo eh?...hmmm...how's that working out for you?
-He went to Afghanistan after he realized that i will never go back to his stupid game-...
-I think so, can't tell-
-lots of adjustment, can't help me to bring out the best of me, making decision without letting me know-
i don't know if i can stay longer with him...
And you say maybe he was really hurt?- ya think!
A Leo eh?...hmmm...how's that working out for you?
-He went to Afghanistan after he realized that i will never go back to his stupid game-...
-I think so, can't tell-
-lots of adjustment, can't help me to bring out the best of me, making decision without letting me know-
i don't know if i can stay longer with him...
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by preciousvirgin
He was my True Love but my worst experienced ever....
Now ain't that some shit? Since when are 'true loves' supposed to be your worst experiences ever? *SMH*
Do you think you'll ever see him again? Did you try contacting/locating him after he left for Afghanistan or did you keep him on ice?
Usually for me, when I'm done with you, I ain't even bothering to look for yo' ass. LOL.click to expand
I never contacted him again eversince, its really hard for me to move on from the beginning..but every time i missed him, i think all the negatives that he had done to me, and it help me a lots...But cant stop thinking of him, i don't know why...lets say, i think of him 24/7 since the day i've met him...my mind is getting tired but cant stop...i hit my head sometime...lol!! i know what love is but this one with a capy, damn!!!....that is why i know exactly how SC feels to her Virgo Man...
I got sicked , my body become weak because of emotional struggled with that man....But my mind stronger than my emotion...So i choose me at the end because i wanna live with a happy life...
Posted by preciousvirginPosted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by preciousvirgin
He was my True Love but my worst experienced ever....
Now ain't that some shit? Since when are 'true loves' supposed to be your worst experiences ever? *SMH*
Do you think you'll ever see him again? Did you try contacting/locating him after he left for Afghanistan or did you keep him on ice?
Usually for me, when I'm done with you, I ain't even bothering to look for yo' ass. LOL.
I never contacted him again eversince, its really hard for me to move on from the beginning..but every time i missed him, i think all the negatives that he had done to me, and it help me a lots...But cant stop thinking of him, i don't know why...lets say, i think of him 24/7 since the day i've met him...my mind is getting tired but cant stop...i hit my head sometime...lol!! i know what love is but this one with a capy, damn!!!....that is why i know exactly how SC feels to her Virgo Man...click to expand
I know how you feel. Damn it's the pitts. 😢
Just have faith that the love you feel for him, you'll one day feel for another.
I asked the universe (God) for my heart back. It was the only way!!!! I needed 'divine intervention'!
You'll get through it. One day you'll wake up and it will be gone.
Posted by preciousvirgin
I got sicked , my body become weak because of emotional struggled with that man....But my mind stronger than my emotion...So i choose me at the end because i wanna live with a happy life...
That happens when you're grieving. Mind, body, spirit.
You did the right thing by putting yourself first. You are your first priority.
It is probably all for the best that he is out of sight (although not out of mind) because you would probably still be on this roller coaster with him even today.
I wish that this post has deleted button...lol...Thanks VV for listening and giving your sincere Advice... I just need to speak it out to the people who can understand how i feel even though i don't really know you atleast we can reached out our mind and emotions to one another...Now, who says that Virgo has no emotions? I am ok now VV, i am back to normal as being a NORTH POLE........lol
Posted by preciousvirgin
I wish that this post has deleted button...lol...Thanks VV for listening and giving your sincere Advice... I just need to speak it out to the people who can understand how i feel even though i don't really know you atleast we can reached out our mind and emotions to one another...Now, who says that Virgo has no emotions? I am ok now VV, i am back to normal as being a NORTH POLE........lol
No problem, and anytime. That's what the board is for. 😉
I completely understand everything you and the others said/how you feel.
LOL @ "North Pole".
Hi VV and PV!
Sorry for being away for so long. Have been very busy with work. Again, thank you both for your help and suggestions.
@PV
After you told your Cappi that you loved him, I understand why you pulled away. Fear of rejection is such a strong emotion for both Virgos and Capricorns, I think. It must be that earth element thing...
I've been thinking a bit about this, and if someone told me that they loved me and then pulled away completely, I would think that he had changed his mind and didn't mean what he had said at all. Subsequently, this would make me very insecure and I would pull away from that person. A big thing for me is to be able to read someone. When I can't read a guy, I get very insecure and then act aloof or uninterested, even though I might be burning up inside with feelings for him. I think it's a protection mechanism to make the fall less high if it all goes wrong.
I'm not sure if this is a common Capricorn trait or just me. I would only feel secure again if he came back and stood by what he had said in the first place.
Sorry for being away for so long. Have been very busy with work. Again, thank you both for your help and suggestions.
@PV
After you told your Cappi that you loved him, I understand why you pulled away. Fear of rejection is such a strong emotion for both Virgos and Capricorns, I think. It must be that earth element thing...
I've been thinking a bit about this, and if someone told me that they loved me and then pulled away completely, I would think that he had changed his mind and didn't mean what he had said at all. Subsequently, this would make me very insecure and I would pull away from that person. A big thing for me is to be able to read someone. When I can't read a guy, I get very insecure and then act aloof or uninterested, even though I might be burning up inside with feelings for him. I think it's a protection mechanism to make the fall less high if it all goes wrong.
I'm not sure if this is a common Capricorn trait or just me. I would only feel secure again if he came back and stood by what he had said in the first place.
Well, a few small things have happened since I lasted posted on here.
Firstly, I opened a chat with him on FB, and we chatted for nearly and hour and a half. It was really nice and the longest we have ever chatted on there before. I was extremely nervous opening the chat with him, as I was not sure if he would respond. But he did respond immediately. I told him about how worried I was about a fight I saw in town one night, and he said he would sort it out. During the chat he asked me what I considered to be fun, and I responded by saying that I have a long list of fun things and asked him if he agreed. He said not really, and that his list of fun is not long. He then finished off by saying no expectations and no wishes, before signing off.
Hmmm.... he has told me this in the past too, that he does not like expectations and that he has never promised me anything when I've confronted him about other women in the past. He started saying that after I told him I'm not after anything heavy, just some fun and games, etc.
A week later I saw that he was getting quite stressed on FB. He's in a war zone and I know that has an effect on him, but I saw that the other women he's had an on/off thing before we met last summer started slagging him off in a round about way on her own wall on FB. She has also done it since (a few days ago), but even more obvious that time by including his name in the rant.
Anyway, I got a bit worried for him, so opened a chat with him again, asking him if he was OK. Again, he responded immediately, but the chat was a lot shorter this time. I did not press him or nag him to continue the chat, and have not tried to chat to him again, even though we've both been logged on at the same time for several hours.
Should I be worried about what he ended the first chat with (no expectations, no wishes)?
Firstly, I opened a chat with him on FB, and we chatted for nearly and hour and a half. It was really nice and the longest we have ever chatted on there before. I was extremely nervous opening the chat with him, as I was not sure if he would respond. But he did respond immediately. I told him about how worried I was about a fight I saw in town one night, and he said he would sort it out. During the chat he asked me what I considered to be fun, and I responded by saying that I have a long list of fun things and asked him if he agreed. He said not really, and that his list of fun is not long. He then finished off by saying no expectations and no wishes, before signing off.
Hmmm.... he has told me this in the past too, that he does not like expectations and that he has never promised me anything when I've confronted him about other women in the past. He started saying that after I told him I'm not after anything heavy, just some fun and games, etc.
A week later I saw that he was getting quite stressed on FB. He's in a war zone and I know that has an effect on him, but I saw that the other women he's had an on/off thing before we met last summer started slagging him off in a round about way on her own wall on FB. She has also done it since (a few days ago), but even more obvious that time by including his name in the rant.
Anyway, I got a bit worried for him, so opened a chat with him again, asking him if he was OK. Again, he responded immediately, but the chat was a lot shorter this time. I did not press him or nag him to continue the chat, and have not tried to chat to him again, even though we've both been logged on at the same time for several hours.
Should I be worried about what he ended the first chat with (no expectations, no wishes)?
Another thing that really worries me, is that he's due back in 2-3 weeks time, and a couple of the women I saw him with the last time has started writing on his wall saying how much fun they will have in every possible way when he's back! These women are a bit "trashy" to say the least. I was there with them one night, and when we all got in a taxi together (and I sat next to Virguy), they questioned why he'd suddenly become so proper.
I think he acts very differently around them, more tough and cool while they party together. When he's been with me, he's been incredibly shy, nervous and gentle.
I really don't like the the suggestions they have written on his FB wall, though....
I think he acts very differently around them, more tough and cool while they party together. When he's been with me, he's been incredibly shy, nervous and gentle.
I really don't like the the suggestions they have written on his FB wall, though....
Hello SC!..its been a long time since then....Nice Pic..is that you?🙂
Hi PV
Yes, it's been a while. Nice to be back! Hope you're well🙂
And, no... the pic is not of me🙂
Yes, it's been a while. Nice to be back! Hope you're well🙂
And, no... the pic is not of me🙂
@Volkswagen
That's a beautiful song! What's your interpretation of it?
That's a beautiful song! What's your interpretation of it?
^^^^I know you're not aking me but surely it's all about being grounded....lovely song
*asking* ^^
Posted by sunnycap
Well, a few small things have happened since I lasted posted on here.
Firstly, I opened a chat with him on FB, and we chatted for nearly and hour and a half. It was really nice and the longest we have ever chatted on there before. I was extremely nervous opening the chat with him, as I was not sure if he would respond. But he did respond immediately. I told him about how worried I was about a fight I saw in town one night, and he said he would sort it out. During the chat he asked me what I considered to be fun, and I responded by saying that I have a long list of fun things and asked him if he agreed. He said not really, and that his list of fun is not long. He then finished off by saying no expectations and no wishes, before signing off.
Should I be worried about what he ended the first chat with (no expectations, no wishes)?
SC!
Nice to see you back.
Let's get to it shall we:
Him responding to you immediately is a good sign, and conversing like two adults who actually have something to say to one another is a positive re-start (and should probably be the only focus right now).
No, don't be worried (even though I know you probably will be anyway). 😉 It's possible he's saying he has no expectations/wishes because of his past experience. Bad relationships can (and do) leave many jaded (regardless of sign), and keep in mind that he is fresh off the heels of a broken heart (and possibly still there). Another thought is that he could be mirroring your sentiments as you have spoken the exact same words to him. This way he protects himself, and doesn't put his heart on the line, since the two of you don't know where you stand with the other anyway.
(continued)
But we've been here before...
You will be seeing him soon and if you want different results, then you must change your behavior/the way you interact and communicate with him (vice versa - he shall do the same).
Don't concern yourself with the other women. From what I've read, seems like you have a leg up. The choice is yours to blow it or not.
As I stated before, every opportunity you have to connect with him, keep it real. As in go with the flow, get to know him as a person by trying to have real moments/conversations with him (like you did on FB, and didn't it feel good?). No more hugging guys in his face and playing these childish games.
The both of you tend to follow suit to the other's behavior. In a continuous cycle of reacting to eachother in kind. If you want to see if this can actually go somewhere, one of you has to step up and make a conscious effort to change the flow of the relationship.
All you can do is try. If it doesn't work, then you know it was not meant to be.
But we've been here before...
You will be seeing him soon and if you want different results, then you must change your behavior/the way you interact and communicate with him (vice versa - he shall do the same).
Don't concern yourself with the other women. From what I've read, seems like you have a leg up. The choice is yours to blow it or not.
As I stated before, every opportunity you have to connect with him, keep it real. As in go with the flow, get to know him as a person by trying to have real moments/conversations with him (like you did on FB, and didn't it feel good?). No more hugging guys in his face and playing these childish games.
The both of you tend to follow suit to the other's behavior. In a continuous cycle of reacting to eachother in kind. If you want to see if this can actually go somewhere, one of you has to step up and make a conscious effort to change the flow of the relationship.
All you can do is try. If it doesn't work, then you know it was not meant to be.
BR> Thanks for your quick respons and invaluable advice as always! 🙂
Him responding to you immediately is a good sign, and conversing like two adults who actually have something to say to one another is a positive re-start (and should probably be the only focus right now).
I'm trying to just focus on this at the moment. However, as you know, I'm a bit of a worrier, so other thoughts are also swirling around in my head.
No, don't be worried (even though I know you probably will be anyway). It's possible he's saying he has no expectations/wishes because of his past experience. Bad relationships can (and do) leave many jaded (regardless of sign), and keep in mind that he is fresh off the heels of a broken heart (and possibly still there). Another thought is that he could be mirroring your sentiments as you have spoken the exact same words to him. This way he protects himself, and doesn't put his heart on the line, since the two of you don't know where you stand with the other anyway.click to expand
Him saying that he has no expectations or wishes came after he wrote that nothing comes without consequences, to which I responded "As we all know". He might have seen this as me criticising him for what happened the last time he was back. I didn't mean it like that, but this is the danger of chatting online. It can be misunderstood. As for his past relationship, I think you're right in that it might still affect him somehow. He has said that he generalizes, so when a relationship breaks up, he might think that all relationships are doomed to fail.
It's such a shame if he thinks that. We actually had a discussion about this when we spent all that time together in the bar. He couldn't understand why people just left each other, instead of staying and fighting to the bitter end. Even if they were unhappy together, he thought it was better than to split up. So the breakup of his relationship clearly affects him. His parents also split up when he was a teenager, which I know affected him a lot too.
The good thing is that he know I stayed with my husband for 20 years, even when things were not good for many years. He also knows that I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I suppose he needs a lot of trust in someone...
You will be seeing him soon and if you want different results, then you must change your behavior/the way you interact and communicate with him (vice versa - he shall do the same).
Yes, he's back in around 2 weeks time. I'm quite nervous to tell you the truth! I'm so worried about how he will react if and when we see each other again. My biggest fear is that he'll just ignore me or show that he's not interested at all, or that I will see him with someone else. That would be painful beyond belief! Hopefully I've learnt from my past mistakes so that I can react differently to him. I just love being near him. He's like a magnet on me... just standing next to him, being a bit close to him makes me calm and exited at the same time. I can't explain it really, it just feels right!
Don't concern yourself with the other women. From what I've read, seems like you have a leg up. The choice is yours to blow it or not.
I hope you're right! But I don't dare hope it too much, in fear of getting really disappointed!
The both of you tend to follow suit to the other's behavior. In a continuous cycle of reacting to eachother in kind. If you want to see if this can actually go somewhere, one of you has to step up and make a conscious effort to change the flow of the relationship.click to expand
Yes, we do seem to copy each other's behaviour somehow. Push and pull and all that. Aren't Virgo's known for this sometimes (especially male Virgos)? I've read quite a bit about it online, but I'm not sure if it's correct or not.
As for stepping up... right now I just feel a bit nervous about seeing him again. I need to see his reaction and what he's doing before I step up. I have a very strong need to read people and a situation before opening up. The fear of getting hurt is quite strong in me. Another thing I will have to do, is to not come on very strongly the first time I see him (if I see him this time, that is). I want him to feel that it's OK to see me again without any problems or arguments.
The biggest thing I struggle with now is the fear of the unknown. Because of what I saw and experienced the last time I saw him, I'm really worried about the same thing happening again (other women). Also, I feel that unless we can spend some intimate time together this time around, he's just going to forget about me...
Posted by sunnycapYou will be seeing him soon and if you want different results, then you must change your behavior/the way you interact and communicate with him (vice versa - he shall do the same).
Yes, he's back in around 2 weeks time. I'm quite nervous to tell you the truth! I'm so worried about how he will react if and when we see each other again. My biggest fear is that he'll just ignore me or show that he's not interested at all, or that I will see him with someone else. That would be painful beyond belief! Hopefully I've learnt from my past mistakes so that I can react differently to him. I just love being near him. He's like a magnet on me... just standing next to him, being a bit close to him makes me calm and exited at the same time. I can't explain it really, it just feels right!
Don't concern yourself with the other women. From what I've read, seems like you have a leg up. The choice is yours to blow it or not.
I hope you're right! But I don't dare hope it too much, in fear of getting really disappointed!
The both of you tend to follow suit to the other's behavior. In a continuous cycle of reacting to eachother in kind. If you want to see if this can actually go somewhere, one of you has to step up and make a conscious effort to change the flow of the relationship.click to expand
Yes, we do seem to copy each other's behaviour somehow. Push and pull and all that. Aren't Virgo's known for this sometimes (especially male Virgos)? I've read quite a bit about it online, but I'm not sure if it's correct or not.
As for stepping up... right now I just feel a bit nervous about seeing him again. I need to see his reaction and what he's doing before I step up. I have a very strong need to read people and a situation before opening up. The fear of getting hurt is quite strong in me. Another thing I will have to do, is to not come on very strongly the first time I see him (if I see him this time, that is). I want him to feel that it's OK to see me again without any problems or arguments.
The biggest thing I struggle with now is the fear of the unknown. Because of what I saw and experienced the last time I saw him, I'm really worried about the same thing happening again (other women). Also, I feel that unless we can spend some intimate time together this time around, he's just going to forget about me.
Stop being pessimistic SC, This is the hardest part on the first stage of capricorn/virgo relationship...We feel the strong chemistry yet we don't know how to response or use it and having a fear of rejection... We don't like expressing our emotions verbally But we want to hear from the person about how they feel not only by actions.. maybe it is best to express your feelings by words with actions? what do u think as reassurance for him that you are true to your feelings??...pardon me if i don't apply my strong words of advice....were here to give you some ideas how to get that Virguy for you....🙂
I fell in there...whooppss!!
The last time i spoke to my X capi, was the first time i said the 3 magic words (I Love You) But Goodbye...lol!!!..Because he tested me in his wrong move...you know what i mean? it was TORMENTING!!! arrrggh!!
Posted by preciousvirgin
we are afraid of getting hurt or having a broken heart.because we hate to feel vulnerable...we can handle everything but love...because once we fall, its real and deep...but we keep it or hide it inside and make a bit distance to give ourselves a chance to observe if we are safe or that person will deserve to be Love....if we initiated just give us a response at the same time...because we hate to wait,waiting means REJECTIONS to us...we only say it 1's and that is it...i don't know if all virgos are the same??
Hi! I don't mean to interrupt, but PV, I can completely relate to the thoughts you shared above. It is hard to not be able to explain to others the thoughts we have and the depth of our feelings at times...it is hard knowing how real things are for us, while having to stay strong.
I can't speak for all of us Virgos, but I can tell you that your words resonated very well with my own experiences. I don't say BIG words easily or often at all, because if I do I really really mean them. Like I said, I don't know if all Virgos are like that, but as a Virgo girl, I can totally understand what you meant.
I think it's really cool that VV has been still offering her time and advices, she's so sweet and seems to be a loyal friend.
And miss cappy, good to know of your story and others too. I wish you the best. Capricorns have been always a lil' bit hard to read at times, so I am learning a bit more about it all as well.
MissV
Posted by preciousvirgin
Stop being pessimistic SC, This is the hardest part on the first stage of capricorn/virgo relationship...We feel the strong chemistry yet we don't know how to response or use it and having a fear of rejection... We don't like expressing our emotions verbally But we want to hear from the person about how they feel not only by actions.. maybe it is best to express your feelings by words with actions? what do u think as reassurance for him that you are true to your feelings??...pardon me if i don't apply my strong words of advice....were here to give you some ideas how to get that Virguy for you....🙂
Hi again PV
Thank you so much for your quick reply again. I really appreciate hearing from you great girls!
You're right about the chemistry between Virgos and Caps. It's always been there between us, however, every time he comes back I'm worried that the chemistry might not be there anymore from his side. I think the reason is that my confidence got a bit of a knock the last time he was back. I saw him with these other women, and even though I don't think they mean much to him (judging by the way he was with them), it still makes me insecure and nervous. I'm almost certain that he will spend time with them again when he's back, judging by their writing and suggestions on his wall. In fact, one of them wrote on his wall about an hour ago, and it really gets to me. I know I should rise above it and get on with my own stuff, but it has an effect, non the less.
If I get the chance, I will pick my moment and tell him.
Also, because of this and because he's said he doesn't like expectations etc., it makes me a bit worried about opening up to him. It will make me vulnerable. At the same time, I think it might be necessary to just be honest with him, tell him in a nice and calm way that "he's the one" or something along those lines. I will have know that I can be strong enough to handle his response, though, before I tell him.
Posted by MissV123
Hi! I don't mean to interrupt, but PV, I can completely relate to the thoughts you shared above. It is hard to not be able to explain to others the thoughts we have and the depth of our feelings at times...it is hard knowing how real things are for us, while having to stay strong.
I can't speak for all of us Virgos, but I can tell you that your words resonated very well with my own experiences. I don't say BIG words easily or often at all, because if I do I really really mean them. Like I said, I don't know if all Virgos are like that, but as a Virgo girl, I can totally understand what you meant.
I think it's really cool that VV has been still offering her time and advices, she's so sweet and seems to be a loyal friend.
And miss cappy, good to know of your story and others too. I wish you the best. Capricorns have been always a lil' bit hard to read at times, so I am learning a bit more about it all as well.
MissVclick to expand
Hi MissV
Really nice to hear your viewpoint! And yes, both VV and PV have been so kind and helpful to me here! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! 🙂
What you said is really interesting; that you don't use big words very often without really, really meaning it. The more I hear about this, the more I understand that Virgos really do not show or talk about emotions easily. This particular guy I know for a fact keeps everything on the inside, while very little is showing on the outside. But this has never "fooled" med for want of a better word. I have always "felt" him, sensed how emotional I think he really is on the inside. It's almost like I can see straight through to his core! I think this sometimes has made him a bit worried and scared.
I never meant to make him uncomfortable by doing this, it's just something that's there and that happens naturally...
the chemistry between you and him its not going to change or fade easily...believe me.this thing (strange feelings) only happen once in a lifetime... Your story with your Virgo is very interesting and exciting... He has the same feelings towards you SC,same as how you feel towards him. Am sure you already felt this when you hang out with him and become one....
Posted by preciousvirgin
the chemistry between you and him its not going to change or fade easily...believe me.this thing (strange feelings) only happen once in a lifetime... Your story with your Virgo is very interesting and exciting... He has the same feelings towards you SC,same as how you feel towards him. Am sure you already felt this when you hang out with him and become one....
If he feels the same, I just don't understand how he could do what he did (other women, pulling away from me, then spending 6 hours with me etc)? I get so confused. I don't think I could ever walk away with someone else in front of him, because I care too much about him to do that. I know I've done my fair share of flirting with others in front of him, but never walked off with anyone else.
When I think about him with someone else, I get a big, painful knot in my stomach. It hurts so much to see or even think about him with someone else...
Posted by preciousvirgin
The last time i spoke to my X capi, was the first time i said the 3 magic words (I Love You) But Goodbye...lol!!!..Because he tested me in his wrong move...you know what i mean? it was TORMENTING!!! arrrggh!!
How did he test you to make you say goodbye?
No matter what it is, for him "HE still the Man" and it is easy for them to do that... But as a Woman like you/us we still afraid to lose our dignity in the eye of a man who catches our heart... You have no idea what is going on between him and the other woman behind the scene...Lets just focus in the present and the future, forget the past...start all over again....
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SC,
She is on point, and we've basically been telling you the same thing all along.
Virgo or not, anyone with any shred of dignity will not allow someone to play games with them as you have with your Virgo (obviously WE know your actions were fueled by fear/rejection, but, since he doesn't know the reason behind them like we do, he is more than likely interpreting it as you playing games/not being serious about him), and as the other Virgo lady said above, will get on with the business of their lives.
The reason he has pretty much severed all contact with you is because he doesn't want to continue to put himself out there to be hurt.
At this point, being honest about the way you feel for him is the best thing you can do in order to clear up any confusion, and move forward in a positive manner.