Trust

okay virgs...

really, how LOOOONG does it take to trust someone?

X_X couple hours...days..weeks..months..years..centuries?

or do you not really ever trust completely anyway?

just wondering if it's going to be a waste of time or not in that area.

coming from a Virgo sun Scorp moon...

Don't blame other people for not trusting you..you need to be trustworthy!

We have no issues with trusting others if we're self-assured and mature individuals. If not, we are simply too sensitive to withstand hurt and need to protect ourselves from people that we think could harm us - if this is the case, you need to be the one to prove you are worth it to the person in question.

Hope this helps.

so it really is the immature ones with the problem.. o_O hmm..

how do you even deal with somebody like that...

or how do you prove it when the virg won't flipping tell you how you do it!!o_O

I'm never told specfically what it is I do that proves that I am trustworthy..
the one I'm dealing with says that I do it "little by little"

so I thought it just took time or something..

weird. don't make this confusing, generald, please. I just want the truth nothing so superficial, my goodness..

X_X

lol well if they really can be forgiving with BIG tender hearts, how come it's still hard to get their trust?

do I have to lay down my life for them to prove it? o_O

agree with everything they say?

do what they do?

something ...?? o_O cause I really don't want to change myself for them.

I will be honest and loyal but I will not be fooled by them, and if they can't understand that then I'm out.

Roger that.

For me it *does* take time to develop trust.
It isn't as simple as completing specific tasks to "prove" your trustworthiness.

I've found that most people who are trustworthy don't need to prove it. It will show, over time, in their actions.

If I don't trust someone(usually over somethings that have been said or done) there isn't too much they can do to "prove" their trustworthiness other than what would occur naturally.

You could tell someone what to do, they could do it just to prove they're trustworthy, but they really might not be. They're just willing to do what they need to do to earn your trust without actually being trustworthy. Does that make sense?

clear as crystal, thanks.

although im sure you gathered all these reponses to process, my thoughts about this subject rekon leo/virgo75 when it was said that "It will show, over time, in their actions"

i think the level of misstrust a virgo has is not only based on a level of maturity but also in the level of bad experiences with love/friendship someone has had.
a virgo could be very mature but will trust less if he/she has been backstabbed many times more than a young virgo who has never experience that level of dissapointment.

so two factors to measure and understand what type of virgo you are dealing with are:
1- how does this guy/girl react to hurtful events (and level of maturity if you may)
2- what was the level/number of dissapointments he/she was exposed in that area.

those factors will give you and idea of how easy or not would the trust concept come across that virgo mind.

to gain trust...

just stand by your words and support them with actions. be VERY understanding...dont give up...and know that misstrust and analysis will be part of the "getting to know you" process. it is part of guarding our hearts...because we we give them away, we are truly devoted and honest too no matter how hard.

yeah, I had a feeling so. that's why I told this particular virgo that I'm never gonna give up and I've already done many of the steps you have described to gain trust..lol

I do understand.

thanks VLL.

a virgo will trust someone when they're ready to take the job.

RC............never do anything beyond the scope of your personality........for anyone. i cant believe i have just said that to an aquarian.........but this whole issue of trust is alot to do with a sense or feeling about someone......gleaned from the way you behave.

only EVER be true to yourself..........and if they "trust" the image you project, then you cant go wrong......cos you are being real.

i dont think you'd be fooled by anyone......



very very true. never try to change yourself for these kind of men. there are some things you can show and some things that you can't. (this is applicable on the dating and courtship stage). let your man be the pursuer not you.

be the most valued best-kept secret.

haha goody..I've kept that up.

got it.

VirgowithalittleLibra,

The young woman I am interested in is much like yourself, meaning she is virgo with a litl libra. which helps a lot.

I am not sure how old you are but my virgo is 20 years old.

What kind of signs have you made or do to let a man know you are interested. Kind of confusing with your natural kindness and good nature to tell it all apart. Plus, I am blind as a bat when it comes to noticing signs, in general.

much obliged.

aloha & mahalo.

mauicountry,

well im not fond of getting a man's attention at all lol BUT as far as how i show interest to someone i like (in my case a girl)...then this is what i tend to do (order in the list does not resemble importance or priority):

1 - i need to feel physically attracted to the person (it doesn't matter what the world thinks, but *i* need to see something in them that i really like).
2 - i act very casual, kinda friendly, BUT i try to make sure i have a way to see the person again. this could be done directly by exchanging numbers OR behind the scenes by becoming friends of the person's friends. i'm not the stalker type and im not brave enough when it comes to asking someone out, so the whole finding out where they work and live and showing up there pretending to bump into them...yeah, that's not my style much. is the friendship approach.
3 - if i do set a time to meet the person, i try something casual first, like going for a coffee or something public, so since No 1 is checked (attraction) then i try to find out more about the person's values, personality, believes, goals, past experiences, etc.
4 - the dates become mor than 3 IF the person has the requirements i look for in a person i would date. otherwise, 1 or 3 dates maximun will be as long as she and i will last...but then im totally open for great friendships (if the person qualifies for good friendship material too, lol).

anyhow, i know we virgos can be a bit complicated and i know virgos with a lil libra in them are friendly and a bit flirty it is a bit true...but if she really likes you, she will try to understand you, get to know you better, critizise you a bit, get confused and then scared...then unsure agaim but then eventually (not too long after) she will be very much into you and nobody will look like you or ever be like you in her eyes.

we are very friendly and good with words...but pay attention to her questions. if she is asking a lot about your dreams/goals and believes...she is most likely trying to figure you out...
send her emails, share thoughts about life and the world...challlenge her mind and let her know you care about her opinion...words and communication are very effective with us.

hope this helps a bit.

vll

but you are a guy, VLL.....I thouht you were female.
Only a female can let me know what I need to know.

any female virgos ever around this place.....geez.

aloha & Mahalo, anyway VLL. I appreciate it.

who cares? i told you to find a leo anyway.

😛

R-C: dyrstr8z had some good advice as far as what Virgos like and how we act..it can give you hints about what to look out for or expect.

There's no way to do it - you should just be yourself. You do come across as impatient and needy here - & this virguy is probably scared because he picks up on that. Relax & don't rush a relationship with this person. Treat his request for "little by little" with some respect & ride it out - if you can't do that, don't force the square peg in the round hole!! roxi and vgurl were saying something similar - if it seems TOO forced..it's not worth it, you won't like it and he will probably notice.

Hope this isn't confusing you more..lol..but it's about as clear as I can be!

lol well he told me that he was terrified of me cause I "ran away" but then I proved to him that I didn't really run away. I was just testing his integrity.


well....that test unforunately didn't work..so I "came back"..now he's shocked beyond reason and we both know about this trust hay ride.

we both know what's going on in "our hearts" so I think we'll be okay.

But it just sucks for me cause I'm at the bad end of all this..

this is what happened when I opened up to him:

Guilt
he's less open
harder to talk to
knows how to get me frustrated
criticizes me
insults me
and blames me for it all. v.v


Trust me, it's not usual that I'm needy and impatient.

Hell, by no means. v.v


but this guy makes this whole trust hay ride for a day or two feel like I have to pick up 2 tons of elephant poop off the ground before he ever even slighty trusts me again.


that's why I'm now needy and impatient! I have good reason to be!!

oh yeah...I told him. yes I told him very nicely how I feel about this.

his words I quote, "Yep, I know and it's fun!"

he's just HAPPY that I'm UNHAPPY!!

darn him!!!! >

whenever a man comes up to me and proposes his feelings with a touch of doubt and confusion, these are the kind of men, i totally dump. these are weaklings who doesnt know what they want and even if they does they are hell confused about it. that's very contagious because i can be as fickle minded as they are even if i try so hard to know what i want, they will just give me tons of headache and heartache. they have baggages to deal with and it's better to be alone than be with these kind of men.

no matter how hard you try to be mature enough but if your partner is immature you'll get affected by it and act like immature. key here is, balance.

my advice (ya don't need to follow my word) look for a stable, steady man. (not mutable signs! lol) men who can fight for you. stand next to you. accept you. communicate with you. make you happy and loved. take away all your doubts and feel secured with their undying love. it may not be financially but emotionally, physically, spiritually supportive. .

but y'know what? you never really know when you love someone 'coz no matter how hard you try to let go of them you'll keep coming back for more.... not knowing you're still holdin' on... 🙂

my advice (ya don't need to follow my word) look for a stable, steady man. (not mutable signs! lol) men who can fight for you. stand next to you. accept you. communicate with you. make you happy and loved. take away all your doubts and feel secured with their undying love. it may not be financially but emotionally, physically, spiritually supportive. .

. . 'coz that's just who you are right?

I already know about that.

It is the easy way. And the easy way is never my way. o_O
I have MARS and JUPITER in Taurus and the MOON AND PLUTO in SCORPIO.

my dad said I have one of the worse charts he's seen. he said in the next 25 years, I don't have to worry about someone or something else killing me, I'll kill myself. o_O

Oh hell. I'm just gonna either turn into a mad scientist or a nun, but at least I'll be something ...^______^

maui...lol...sorry man i thought you knew. virguys arent that different from virgirls though...but yes check on a lady's perspective to make sure too.

just trying to help you buddy. i dated a virgirl myself.

vll

reibina,

if you become a nun, could you try to be a flying one? that would be awesome!! 😉

im glad you guys are sorting things out and still talking...are you friends still or something else?

that is going to be a long-distance things huh, could you be k with that?

im trying to understand what is the future you see in this friendship....

mauicountry,

just sit back, relax and let your man do the driving. do not analyze each words he say and things he do. be the most valued best-kept secret to your man and drive him crazy, madly inlove with you instead of him driving you nuts. 🙂

aloha all.

I am mauicountry and I am a MALE.......
I need advice from a Virgo Girl.....

anyone, anyone.

mahalo anyways VLL...since you did date a Virgo Girl. It helps out.

aloha

mauicountry

i am a virgo.

hey yknow what?
since you said you're a male,
try not to ask questions here on how to win the heart of your girl.

earn it. sorry but it really sound so pathetic.

reibina,

if you become a nun, could you try to be a flying one? that would be awesome!!

im glad you guys are sorting things out and still talking...are you friends still or something else?

that is going to be a long-distance things huh, could you be k with that?

im trying to understand what is the future you see in this friendship....



Weeeeeeeeeeeelll...
he has a gf.
we are decent friends
I'm hoping the girl will miraculously disappear
she's hoping that for me too
he knows it

NOW what do I do? o_O

cause honestly, for me, I am willing to be friends and yes I wish that it could be more cause I do love the guy even though it's really hard to when he's virg and I'm aqua. X_X

but you know how it is with aquas. we can be friends with people we like and dislike.

and also we must have friendship with someone before reaching the loverstage anyway.

remember...friends are for real. and if you have them as a friend FIRST..then you won't have problems when you end up being a couple cause you KNOW them. That's an aqua's style for ya anyway. ^_~

I will just be myself. We are both starting to open up to each other a little more. And I think it only takes a little time...cause the elephant poop is a lot of work. X_X

he's starting to...I think anyway.

somethings..you just know..: P

I can tell by how he leads our conversation that he's actually telling me to read in between the lines.

...and I can get the drift...so I think we're good. I'll ask you, VLL, if things start getting fuzzy for me. Thanks so much again.

RC - Most virgos are fairly direct when it comes to relationships. I think you might find it frustrating trying to read between the lines.

If he has a gf and he's flirting with you, that also tells you something about his approach to relationships. Are you sure you want this scenario reversed if you were his gf and the other gal hanging out there?

If the guy is into you, he needs to be a man and make a choice. If he doesn't want to make a choice and wants to date the both of you, then he should make that clear to both you and his gf. That would be the mature way of handling things.

If your virguy isn't willing to do either or is indecisive, then move on and cut off all contact. If he's truly interested in you, he will come after you. If not, you will know you didn't waste any time.

Best of luck and have a great new year.

lol yep. ^_^ that's how I was looking at it. thanks, tazman.

I even told him: Waiting for a gf of a guy to leave is not something I EVER DO.

Aqua's don't make stupid choices like this. I told him that.

We both came to a decision that we will be friends and if the chance ever arises that life allows for us to be together then it will be. It's as simple as that and we both accept it.

If he has a gf and he's flirting with you, that also tells you something about his approach to relationships. Are you sure you want this scenario reversed if you were his gf and the other gal hanging out there?


YAY! karma-chamelon

If he has a gf and he's flirting with you, that also tells you something about his approach to relationships. Are you sure you want this scenario reversed if you were his gf and the other gal hanging out there?


YAY! karma-chameleon

yeah he was actually choosing between she and I before I made my infamous Aqua Disappearance.

then when I came back into the picture he explained to me what happened. I know how virgs are..they are faithful. and before he could utter a word, I told him how he was going to see the whole situaion because I looked up virg. And he didn't disagree with me.

he's actually starting to look up this astrology stuff..o_O

R-C - WHOA!! This guy sounds like he has big issues - this is what I was afraid of!!
This doesn't sound like an issue with you at all!!! tazman is totally right here.

If he's dating someone else & not showing any interest, is criticizing you and being so indecisive...he has to be toying with you, he even admitted it!
That can't be good. I second vgurl...I know the challenge is enticing but the way he acts with you shows his behavior may continue. A person with Fixed planets is pretty serious when it comes to relationships - he is definitely not if he's letting his eye wander from his girlfriend right now! He should have broken up with her if he wanted to be with you.

Staying friends is ok...but if you push the relationship I have a sinking feeling it can only end with control games and him baiting you, even if you feel like you know what's going on..your Sun in Aqua & other fixed planets will give you a need for stability that it sounds like he isn't willing to offer in return!!

I am sorry for being critical of you (hah from a virg/scorp, what a rarity !) - but I was worried there was more to this situation from the getgo -
It sounds awful knowing more about his side of things...I can't believe this guy would want to see you unhappy if he cared about you & wanted to try to be with you. He will be a lucky man if he turns himself around & gets the courage to appreciate what you are offering..

Good luck RC!! I am rooting for you.

I know. ^_^ I think I have the whole situation pretty much under control for the reasons that you mentioned.

I've been aware of all the things that everyone has mentioned about him. ^_^
It seems pretty much in tune with what my had has already told me about him.

But I am just friends with him. It might be like this for a long while. I actually wanted it this way, being aqua and all. So I'm completely fine with it.

I don't want to barge in on anything that he is doing. I just want to be his pal like dy mentioned.

That's what I wanted to begin with regardless of my feelings or his feelings.
I know friends first is always best. : P
And if we don't get a chance with each other..well at least I'll have a pretty cool friend. ^_^

Life is too short..it must go on. ^_^

*It seems pretty much in tune with what my dad already told me about him.

hey you!

well just got back in the boards now, happy new year btw!

well, i didn't know this friend of yours was dating someone already...hmmm...interesting interesting.

well, when me and the aqua girl broke up after a lil' over a year...i didn't wanted to move on, but i had to, so i decided to vent into dating someone new, a cute libra girl, who many people in this board heard about.

then my aqua came back in the picture and i had to end things with ms. libra eventually.

the aqua girl also did the famous "aqua dissapereance" so i thought she had moved on. i bet this guy thoguht the same about you, so he had to try to move on and make a choice.

if he is friendly like me in his real world, then im sure he can meet people easily and there will be most likely someone interested...what he has to learn, just like i am learning now, is that...we should just date just to move on from someone, because in the end people get hurt.

i don't think he mean bad reiniba. he's probably unaware of his feelings at times so he tries to live in a way that he thinks he should...but if he ends up realizing sooner or later that he has feelings for you, it will be hard and eventually he will have to let someone go...it would a choice of staying with what is safe...vs. taking a risk with someone that intrigues him (you)...bc at that time he wouldn't know how safe you are (unless your friendship has given him enough to see that).

i think friendship is defenitely the best approach, but if so, out of respect for his current gf, keep the conversations good, as if she was there too...not bc you owe her anything, but bc he does and also bc was goes aroun comes around.

maybe you guys will become great friends, which i know you aquas love anyways, or maybe he will realize he has feelings for you and in this case will have to make a choice...but for now, for your own sake, put that aside and keep on moving k.

hope your 2007 started better than ever!

vll

lol

so far, he has only confused me when he mentions his feelings.
At first he said "I have feelings for you but I am terrified of you because you left me"

that's the bottomline I got from him but he also told me that he is in love with the other girl..

X_X I'm sorry I've never had feelings for two people before(at the same time), I don't know how you virgs do it. maybe it's that mutable thing..I don't know.

anywho...

but the thing with him is, whenever he talks to me, he doesn't like her name mentioned, he tells me that he doesn't want to remember her while we're talking..o_O
and he tells me that if I hadn't have disappeared he would be seeing me in a month instead going to see her! he said he would be with me in a heartbeat..and then he says a lot of other intimate junk, which gets me really annoyed!!! if he's with this other girl! it doesn't make any sense I say!! >

lend them some rope and see if they hang themselves.....that's trust 🙂

by hanging I mean to say that see if they are the type to go behind your back. Trust depends on the rapport we develop, wether it's fast or slow makes no difference to me.

people have the tendancy to sabotage themselves and claim not to be responsible for it. please you're we're responsible enough to start this, and you've proven you're immature enough to end it.

lol I wish it started that way and ended that way and yet it wasn't exactly either of those ways. hehe..I would tell you all the details but it's pointless(complete waste of time)..

we both knew that the whole starting and leaving was simply all fuzzy to begin with. That's probably the only reason why he let me back in.

Update: I think he is continuing to open up more to me and I am with him as well. He's told me that if things don't work out with her then ...well he can't wait to be with me!! hehe lol

he's an enigma most of the time because of his Aqua Ascending..X_X

Regardless of all the fuzziness, I think we both enjoy talking to each other most of the time.