Virgos please help - What went wrong here (Page 2)

Speromelior I don't think you will get more out of her. There was a Scorpio who used to like me and wouldn't stop contacting me. I ended up just never responding to him. I only stopped hearing from him because I had changed my number (for reasons not to do with him) If I don't have feelings for a guy I find it easier to ignore them until they go away than take my energy to deal with them. I know it was not a nice way to react and before I met my BF I tried to be a little more thoughtful towards guys trying to make a connection with me when I was not interested but overall it feels like a big draining effort on my part not to deal with guys the way I used to. I don't know why I'm like that but maybe she's like me. If you are being completely ignored I'm guessing she is done or more like she never got started and has no desire to. It doesn't look like a case where she has feelings but is holding back so she won't get hurt. It looks more like there's just no interest. Repeatedly contacting her will not change that. It sucks when you like someone who doesn't feel the same but there's lots of women in the world. Your feelings for her will go away in time. You should just move on to someone who appreciates your attention.

Posted by HighTide

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
We are not dumping you so much as what we are dumping is the baggage, the pain, un-fixable problems...

That seems to make the most logical sense. I think some tend to take it as a hit on the self worth as a human being. It makes sense when a Virgo explains their though pattern,but when you don't have that, a Virgo can make you feel like the most unattractive person on earth when they break up with you.You think that person is saying "I got to know you as a person and your dreadful like the plague,expect a similar response from other women who got this far". Maybe they do this to get you to really change and see what you messed up on. I am fine with Johnny go to your room and think about what you did, but How Soon Is Now?, like that song from the Smiths. Which I listened to alot during my breakup with my Virgo.

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Our standards are pretty high (you can understand this as you Cancers have high standards too) and honestly that's why many Virgos often end up alone. Not too many can make the "cut" but when one does, they should give themselves a pat on the back. Unless young and/or throwing caution to the wind, or in some weird place in our lives, we never give ourselves to just anyone because there's alot of thought that goes into whom we share ourselves with. Friendships as well.

If we let you go, it's either because of something(s) negative you've done (or keep doing), or we've come to the realization that you're not the person we thought you were. I believe this applies to many. Virgo or not. Generally speaking, it's hard not to take it personal when someone has decided that they no longer want us in their lives, provided they are someone important to us. It sometimes causes us to question ourselves and wonder "wtf is wrong with me?", especially if we are blinded to our own flaws. After any falling out or ended relationship whether platonic or romantic, I've always asked myself "in what way(s) could I have been better?", hard as it was, as we all know that introspection is not the easiest thing to do (but of course very necessary for human growth).

(Continued)

One thing I've observed about Cancer men is that you often behave as if you are the only ones with feelings...wth? Yea, Virgos may be "cold" but that doesn't mean that we feel any less that anyone else. We??re just better at keeping them under wraps.

Our straight forward nature is in direct conflict with the famous Cancerian side-stepping which results in emotional manipulation. This is an inherent part of the Cancer make-up and often used to get something you want, or to achieve a desired outcome, but no one likes to feel as though their emotions are being played with. I think that if there's one thing a Virgo can teach a Cancer is that It's ok to shoot straight, communicate your wants, needs, desires??_directly and not play games and manipulate to get them. We view that behavior as tacky, base, and under-handed. Things we rarely are. On the flip, Cancers can teach Virgos how to navigate emotional terrain, the beauty of being vulnerable and exposed, how to talk about feelings/emotions, and Cancers moreso than any other sign, can breathe much life into the —dead emotional Virgo garden??.

Don't be hard on yourself about what's happened. Just learn from it. Work to make the necessary changes so that you can be better the next time around. Cancer men can also be very hard-nosed and judgmental of everyone else without ever looking within. I??ve been under the hawk eye of a CM and good God, you guys can be a handful. Loveable, but a handful, and you can be worse than a woman on the rag when you are in your moods, expecting everyone else to change and cater to you but you yourself wanting to stay exactly as you are. Not good.

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
@speromelior

She still wanted to be friends with you so you weren't wholly out of her good graces, but then may have felt that you contacting her was too much altogether, and sadly enough, when we have our mind made up about something, it's usually a done deal.

If afforded the opportunity to chat with her again, you should be diplomatically honest with her. Telling her what you told us about the arrogance and charms. Could maybe melt her resolve and open the door for another go. This will help to clear up any questions or ill perceived ideas she may have in her head (and trust me, there might be many!).

If this is truly the end, then I would say lesson learned?

I am certain this is the end but definitely lesson learned. I know I won't contact her again, and I have also made a couple of changes to my routine which will minimise the chances of any chance meeting. The only way there would be further contact is if she were to contact me and I doubt very much this will happen.

On reflection I think the feeling that I may not quite be getting her may have been the real issue and I do think I may have been a bit lazy in the relationship. Although that was in part due to circumstances. I allowed her to take the lead in what we were doing and when we were seeing each other but maybe should have put more work in on this, in part though this was down to her work schedule.

I know I had the opportunity to continue with a friendship but as soon as I knew my feelings for her were beyond friendship I thought it would be dishonest to continue without saying anything. I know this would have given me the opportunity to chat with her and say the things which could have given her food for thought but I had always been wholly honest with this girl and if I were to win her back I did not want to do so through deception.

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
(Continued)

One thing I've observed about Cancer men is that you often behave as if you are the only ones with feelings...wth? Yea, Virgos may be "cold" but that doesn't mean that we feel any less that anyone else. We??re just better at keeping them under wraps.

Our straight forward nature is in direct conflict with the famous Cancerian side-stepping which results in emotional manipulation. This is an inherent part of the Cancer make-up and often used to get something you want, or to achieve a desired outcome, but no one likes to feel as though their emotions are being played with. I think that if there's one thing a Virgo can teach a Cancer is that It's ok to shoot straight, communicate your wants, needs, desires??_directly and not play games and manipulate to get them. We view that behavior as tacky, base, and under-handed. Things we rarely are. On the flip, Cancers can teach Virgos how to navigate emotional terrain, the beauty of being vulnerable and exposed, how to talk about feelings/emotions, and Cancers moreso than any other sign, can breathe much life into the —dead emotional Virgo garden??.

Don't be hard on yourself about what's happened. Just learn from it. Work to make the necessary changes so that you can be better the next time around. Cancer men can also be very hard-nosed and judgmental of everyone else without ever looking within. I??ve been under the hawk eye of a CM and good God, you guys can be a handful. Loveable, but a handful, and you can be worse than a woman on the rag when you are in your moods, expecting everyone else to change and cater to you but you yourself wanting to stay exactly as you are. Not good.

I agree with what your saying, pretty much on target. I as a Cancer man started out on par and equal with her on everything, then I started to realize her vulnerabilities and then would manipulate those to my advantage because I was so insecure of my childhood and she wasn't about hers. I was also secretly jealous of her ex husband the whole time we were together and it started to eat away inside of me and cause me to be like "He got the prime cut years,she even gave him the child that should of been mine, that bass turd." I started thinking in the most selfish way of thinking possible I know, but I am a Cancer afterall,expect nothing less when we aren't self actualized about our behavi

but I am a Cancer afterall,expect nothing less when we aren't self actualized about our behavior LOL

I remember when I tried to rowl a response from my Virgo because I started feeling she looked at everything too nonchalantly on different topics we talked about. One time, I was so hard on her emotionally about something from the past that she ended up crying(which I had never seen before) and showing me her vulnerable side. I was like wow, I can't believe she gave me the most honest answer someone could give about this topic. At the same time, nothing is sadder than seeing a Virgo's tears, as they are probably the most genuine out there.

After reading a ton of responses on here I have realized she got tired of my unstable mood swings even though we still loved each other at the heart of it. Love isn't enough if the other person feels like they are being abused emotionally. I didn't even realize this was really abuse, I just thought I needed to be hard on her on some things because I felt like her mistakes were because no one was hard on her or told her the real truth on the fallout of choices in life . When I was growing up I was constantly ruled by the rod and my parent was super conservative and would make me dress like a 1950's schoolboy nerd.I had avoided many of the pitfalls in life because of it, and that way was all I had known, yet it translated terribly into a relationship as an adult. It made me look holier than thou and it was really uncalled for.

In the end she taught me alot about myself, that I needed therapy for my anger issues and my mother dying as a child. I was expecting my potential wife to baby me, something I didn't get enough of as a child. It helped me see that people will baby you to an extent, but you have to treat them right, treat them respect as a human being and they will fill that void for you at the right time. It can't be done by emotional manipulation.

"I as a Cancer man started out on par and equal with her on everything, then I started to realize her vulnerabilities and then would manipulate those to my advantage"


^^ that really bothers me! We finally show you that side (hard thing to do for us Virgos) and you basically throw it in our face....and we know when your doing it....that's when you'll get the cold shoulder or I don't give a shit attitude from us or worse! Ugh two of the things I hate the most...being vulnerable and someone trying to manipulate me!!

@ HT, do you think you secretly resented the fact that her childhood was smoother than yours? I also can't fathom why you felt the need to manipulate her, to get an emotional response from her? I had a guy do that to me once. He's not a Cancer but has alot of placements in his chart. He's a very handsome guy & I never "fell over him" like he expected I would. I was also non-chalant in my responses or how I'd react to certain "tests" he would give me until one day I failed & he got in return the emotion he was seeking. No tears. Just a very emotional reaction. Man you should've seen that smile on his face, lol. To his surprise, I cared. Please! Why do you have to go to such extremes! Why not just express to us what's making you uncomfortable about us?

Posted by RealTalk
@ HT, do you think you secretly resented the fact that her childhood was smoother than yours? I also can't fathom why you felt the need to manipulate her, to get an emotional response from her? I had a guy do that to me once. He's not a Cancer but has alot of placements in his chart. He's a very handsome guy & I never "fell over him" like he expected I would. I was also non-chalant in my responses or how I'd react to certain "tests" he would give me until one day I failed & he got in return the emotion he was seeking. No tears. Just a very emotional reaction. Man you should've seen that smile on his face, lol. To his surprise, I cared. Please! Why do you have to go to such extremes! Why not just express to us what's making you uncomfortable about us?

Well she had to grow up faster than I did and matured alot faster even for a girl than I did as a guy.

To get back to why we go to extremes sometimes,I just felt she was to cut and dry on some things,especially in her tone of voice which usually stayed the same no matter what subject. You felt she was giving you the answer you wanted to hear but there was one inside that was her real opinion. It was also very funny seeing her try to create conversation with other people that she didn't know well, u could always tell she didn't know what to say since she was so reserved and she would give responses people out of a book would tell you to say. I felt how bad it was awkward for her, but at the same time it was a turn on as a Male, like I got to have the side other people didn't.

I normally wasn't aggressive sexually with her, which she liked. Yet there were some times where I would get behind her and say " You were so sweet and considerate to everyone at that party today", then I would start to undress her and she would really like that. I wanted her to feel appreciated because I really did appreciate her in my life. The times I usually got insecure and angry with her is when she would respond nonchalantly on things like an ex or something. I understand she didn't want to create drama, at the time I thought she was being unconsiderate and using the same tone someone would use on something non-emotional all the time.

@speromelior

Well, realizing the part you played in a failed relationship, as well as your faults, and owning them, is half the battle.

I personally don't see a problem with you having wanted to stay connected to her as a friend with the desire to get some things off your chest, have questions answered, and discuss the overall relationship. Why not? How do two people transition from lovers to friends without resolving past issues or dealing with the baggage only to move into friendship mode and try and go on like nothing ever happened? Weird. I could be calling it wrong, and maybe she was open to talking about it, and it all could have been a reality, but somewhere between the phone calls and the invitations to hang, it all went awry, it seems.

If you knew then what you knew now, I'm pretty sure the outcome to this story would be very different. Sucks that we sometimes have to learn our lessons this way though, eh?

Ahhh well...the milk is spilled. Time to get a new carton.

@HighTide

I always say if the Cancer and Virgo don't take the time to learn the other's emotional/psychological processess (this is pretty much the case with everyone), as they are so different, yet so complimentary, it can be a disaster as every little thing can be misinterpreted.

You were very fatherly with her when you should have just been her man. Cancer men are very fatherly and motherly all at once. Nice for children, but not for your significant other, although some women prefer and don't mind a fatherly type provided he is kind, generous, compassionate...not dictatorial, rigid, controlling, possessive...

It's a beautiful thing when partners teach eachother, and help them to grow as human beings but, it's the way you go about the teaching.

She appears to be a very typical Virgo woman. Reserved, placid, reticent even...

As for her keeping her opinions inside, yes, opinions Virgo women do have. We can judge people severely (times 100 on ourselves) but eventually we learn that sometimes it is best to keep our true thoughts/feelings/ideas on certain matters within as people make no bones about calling us harsh, evil, mean, rude, bitches...so we get to a place where every comment or statement is of the political type just to keep the peace.

Just as there are inherent things in you as a Cancer Man, there are inherent things in us as Virgo women and some things just never change. Never.

The C/V relationship can be emotionally exhausting especially if the cancer doesn't check his/her moods and if the Virgo doesn't watch his/her tongue.

Hopefully she's learned from this experience as much as you have.

Posted by RealTalk
@ HT, do you think you secretly resented the fact that her childhood was smoother than yours? I also can't fathom why you felt the need to manipulate her, to get an emotional response from her? I had a guy do that to me once. He's not a Cancer but has alot of placements in his chart. He's a very handsome guy & I never "fell over him" like he expected I would. I was also non-chalant in my responses or how I'd react to certain "tests" he would give me until one day I failed & he got in return the emotion he was seeking. No tears. Just a very emotional reaction. Man you should've seen that smile on his face, lol. To his surprise, I cared. Please! Why do you have to go to such extremes! Why not just express to us what's making you uncomfortable about us?

OMFG! I went through a similar experience...bastard! I hate it when guys do that! Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh

Posted by virgoking
AGAIN maybe virgo women have reading comp problems if your going to do one for women do it for men as well. But back to what I was originally talking about women in general you guys AND I mean women in general not just virgo women. Like to call out men but not women when they do the same bs. You can try to play with words but its not going to work on me or change the facts. Maybe p angle was right about virgo women......... NO NO It can't be im pretend I didn't say that.

after readin every line you wrotte I actually cant understand how anybody here didnt get that statement....but any who..you are right normally when guys show too damn much attention in the early stage women get like that and back off if he would have acted as if he did not want her she would have probably blew his phone up....its like they say people dont want you when you act like you want them they only want what they cant seem to have so if that is the case with her then like i said stay in contact dont bring up any of the past issues come back positive and with a new light to the situation....im tellin you this because my mom is a virgo woman and this is always what she spoke....then with my guy this is how he is and my bff was a virgo so i pretty much get what went wrong everyone is tellin you right though givin it to you straight what she was thinkin

@ HT, I know that aggravated you about her, but why didn't you just ask her? Using manipulation is a mistake. It's transparent to me that, that is usually the deal. Just ask her one day instead of resorting to those tactics. It's a little immature no?

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Posted by RealTalk
@ HT, do you think you secretly resented the fact that her childhood was smoother than yours? I also can't fathom why you felt the need to manipulate her, to get an emotional response from her? I had a guy do that to me once. He's not a Cancer but has alot of placements in his chart. He's a very handsome guy & I never "fell over him" like he expected I would. I was also non-chalant in my responses or how I'd react to certain "tests" he would give me until one day I failed & he got in return the emotion he was seeking. No tears. Just a very emotional reaction. Man you should've seen that smile on his face, lol. To his surprise, I cared. Please! Why do you have to go to such extremes! Why not just express to us what's making you uncomfortable about us?

OMFG! I went through a similar experience...bastard! I hate it when guys do that! Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh

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Hahahaha! Lol. I know right, but he's so transparent now that I just ignore him but one day I called him on it. Oh & you know what his response was right? Lol, "what are you talking about" him smiling the whole time...little runt!!! I wanted to pinch him! But I got a soft spot for him. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

The C/V relationship can be emotionally exhausting especially if the cancer doesn't check his/her moods and if the Virgo doesn't watch his/her tongue.

VV that pretty much sums up me and my C. It's weird how we go together but then we don't at the same time.

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Posted by RealTalk
@ HT, do you think you secretly resented the fact that her childhood was smoother than yours? I also can't fathom why you felt the need to manipulate her, to get an emotional response from her? I had a guy do that to me once. He's not a Cancer but has alot of placements in his chart. He's a very handsome guy & I never "fell over him" like he expected I would. I was also non-chalant in my responses or how I'd react to certain "tests" he would give me until one day I failed & he got in return the emotion he was seeking. No tears. Just a very emotional reaction. Man you should've seen that smile on his face, lol. To his surprise, I cared. Please! Why do you have to go to such extremes! Why not just express to us what's making you uncomfortable about us?

OMFG! I went through a similar experience...bastard! I hate it when guys do that! Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh

Hahahaha! Lol. I know right, but he's so transparent now that I just ignore him but one day I called him on it. Oh & you know what his response was right? Lol, "what are you talking about" him smiling the whole time...little runt!!! I wanted to pinch him! But I got a soft spot for him. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

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Do you like him— *Cheeky grin*

Posted by virgodreamz

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

The C/V relationship can be emotionally exhausting especially if the cancer doesn't check his/her moods and if the Virgo doesn't watch his/her tongue.

VV that pretty much sums up me and my C. It's weird how we go together but then we don't at the same time.

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Hey VD!

They are super sensitive, and we are super blunt, but when it works, it's so beautiful!

@ VV, yeah I like his looney butt!! He drives me crazy...in more ways then one!!! But I love it. 🙂

Posted by CancerMoon
@speromelior

I feel for you. It is hard to get dumped without an (for yourself) understandable explanation.
I can just agree with the other Virgo women on this thread when it comes to her reaction. It is a bad habit of ours.
I don't think it's okay to just shut someone off you used to be so close to, but I must admit that I've done it too.
It was mostly because of fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of involuntary emotional outbursts, fear of having to hurt someone and witness their pain and despair. Well, I made it sound way too melodramatic but in our minds it is like that. And we'd rather just skip this part and just move on with out lifes.
Her reaction to your texts might have been a bit irrational and a bit over the top. But these are matters of the heart and you can't really expect everyone to do the most logical thing. Not even us Virgos.
I'm not telling you anything new here, just wanted to put in my two cents.
Btw I love the Scorpio charm and a bit of that arrogance too. You guys are like lobsters, a hard shell on the outside and soft deliciousness on the inside. I know you're sensitive as hell, don't try to deny it 😉 !
That's also a reason why she did this to you. You probably seem like the type that can cope and isn't overly sensitive. You're just like us Virgos in that matter...just more...dangerous. lol

Very well put, and I agree. It is a bit of a bad habit.

Posted by RealTalk
@ VV, yeah I like his looney butt!! He drives me crazy...in more ways then one!!! But I love it. 🙂

Awwww

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Posted by CancerMoon
@speromelior

I feel for you. It is hard to get dumped without an (for yourself) understandable explanation.
I can just agree with the other Virgo women on this thread when it comes to her reaction. It is a bad habit of ours.
I don't think it's okay to just shut someone off you used to be so close to, but I must admit that I've done it too.
It was mostly because of fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of involuntary emotional outbursts, fear of having to hurt someone and witness their pain and despair. Well, I made it sound way too melodramatic but in our minds it is like that. And we'd rather just skip this part and just move on with out lifes.
Her reaction to your texts might have been a bit irrational and a bit over the top. But these are matters of the heart and you can't really expect everyone to do the most logical thing. Not even us Virgos.
I'm not telling you anything new here, just wanted to put in my two cents.
Btw I love the Scorpio charm and a bit of that arrogance too. You guys are like lobsters, a hard shell on the outside and soft deliciousness on the inside. I know you're sensitive as hell, don't try to deny it 😉 !
That's also a reason why she did this to you. You probably seem like the type that can cope and isn't overly sensitive. You're just like us Virgos in that matter...just more...dangerous. lol

Very well put, and I agree. It is a bit of a bad habit.

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That's really too bad that things end up like this, where one is left hanging with no understanding or closure. I haven't necessarily been dumped, but the Virgo I was talking to just stopped communicating with me, unless I initiate contact. It started once I verbally expressed interest and a liking for him. When we do talk things are fine, but very brief. Based on everything I have learned and observed from these forums, I have backed off and am initiating contact less often so that I don't push him away any farther. I want to give him his space so that I dont completely miss a chance. Man I should've kept my mouth shut, because things were going pretty well.

@ CancerMoon

Lol, this Scorpio is not denying the soft centre but there aren't too many people that get to see that side. The girl in question knew it was there but hadn't fully got to it yet. What she did have was not only honesty but full disclosure, this is a very big thing for a Scorpio to give someone and something I don't think I had fully given a partner before. I think that was the big thing that made this relationship so special for me. In the end my full disclosure may have cost me even friendship with her which really is a shame. I have definitely learned a lesson and the experience would not put me off dating another Virgo although there are definitely things I would do differently.

Thanks to everyone for their responses on this thread. I think I have enough that I feel I have a bit more closure and I can see how I could have handled some things differently. That said I still feel a bit unfairly treated but I don't feel the need for a scorpio outburst and definitely no more brooding lol.

In the unlikely event of me hearing from her again and a friendship being salvaged I will post again. However despite the fact we live less than half a mile apart it is pretty unlikely our paths will cross too often (I'm actively avoiding her now). If she did talk to me I think a friendship could be salvaged as she is a very reasonable and logical person which made it all a bit more surprising for me how things ended up.

Ah Speromelior-

An incentive to stay away..

At last stalking is treated with the gravity it needs.Published on 16 Jul 2010

—The Scottish Parliament has come up trumps,?? said anti-stalking campaigner Ann Moulds as she welcomed a new anti-stalking law for Scotland.

On June 30, parliament passed the omnibus Criminal Justice and Licensing (Scotland) Bill, including amendments making stalking a statutory offence which, it is hoped, will give victims greater legal protection.

There has been extensive political, media and academic debate on the issue of stalking and harassment in recent years. However, although harassment became a statutory offence in England and Wales in 1997 under the Protection from Harassment Act, in Scotland the crime has been dealt with under breach of the peace.

http://www.heraldscotland.com/comment/guest-commentary/at-last-stalking-is-treated-with-the-gravity-it-needs-1.1041758<BR>
With that in mind,break ups aren't for the faint of heart.It's a passage of life.I suppose you have left every relationship with the other party feeling really good about it? Or glad that they were able to get away ?
I know I know,no one gets the best of the Scorp,I've heard that before.Or would you rather that she ignore you like you weren't even born.We can do that also.Don't be surprised if she looks right through you.

We can all wish for a scenerio to play out a certain way.She was being true to her Virgo nature.No lingering about.When a decision's made.It's made.We aren't built for that wierd after break up friend thing.Where do the boundary lay?It's a lot of awkward energy to figure out and maintain a surface friendship.Why should anyone be put in that position of balance to keep redrawing the lines.Too many weird rules-if I see him,I can give him one short hug and an air kiss.I can't ask about his sister,but I can ask about the dog.We can mention the concert but not that party--Crap.It's enough to make the head spin. So I'm saying,don't hold your breath for a friendship to emerge.That would be a "reasonable" assumption.It wasn't you disclosure,it the speed of it but Virgals will keep your secrets.Really,you need to move on.There are 5.2 million people in Scotland.Pick another.How about a Leo?Good Luck!

@ VulcanLass

Seriously WTF with the stalking stuff in that last post?? I don't know what you think you read in the posts I have made on here but I suggest reading them again. If you read the words which are written rather than your somewhat warped interpretation of them you should see your reply/replies are somewhat off the mark, in fact offensive.

The whole intent to pluck your nerves,so that you would totally get the fact that it's over.There was a little wavering in your words,"a bit more closure",there is that bit of doubt that the door is closing on you.Some people get home and start thinking to themselves ,what happened,and reworking the story in their minds to the point where they want to see if it is really done.So in that frame of mind, they now feel the need to communicate with that person again.I saw where YOU were hoping for being friends with her in the future.If it does happen that's a plus for you and her.I read your words, that's why I wrote that.Everyone is entitled to their opinion.I'm just keeping you focused on your present reality.So be offended,but walk in the truth.