What to do

I have been "getting to know" my Virguy for the past 6 months and he is the typical virgo to say the least. He is a virgo/libra cusp if that may help any. I know he really likes me and I feel like he is torn between me and his "freedom". Not that I would ever take it away from him but he feels like commiting to someone would take away all his freedom. Up until this point we have agreed to be friends without any labels or titles. He totally treats me like i'm more than a friend but I think he is confused and is trying to confuse me in the process. Sometimes he acts like a jerk just to push me away and other days hes a perfect angel. I'm usually the first to say that if a guy is into you he will stop at nothing to get you but this is a virgo that i'm dealing with and we all know thats not the case.

I am a cancer with a virgo ascendant so I know pretty much what im dealing with. I have been very patient with him and have givin him lots of space. What I need advice on is when he acts like a jerk do I ignore him completely for a while (text and not respond to his texts)or do I not initiate contact but be there when he contacts and pretend as though nothing happend. Or anyone have a better idea? Please help

I have been "getting to know" my Virguy for the past 6 months and he is the typical virgo to say the least. He is a virgo/libra cusp if that may help any. I know he really likes me and I feel like he is torn between me and his "freedom". Not that I would ever take it away from him but he feels like commiting to someone would take away all his freedom. Up until this point we have agreed to be friends without any labels or titles. He totally treats me like i'm more than a friend but I think he is confused and is trying to confuse me in the process. Sometimes he acts like a jerk just to push me away and other days hes a perfect angel. I'm usually the first to say that if a guy is into you he will stop at nothing to get you but this is a virgo that i'm dealing with and we all know thats not the case.

I am a cancer with a virgo ascendant so I know pretty much what im dealing with. I have been very patient with him and have givin him lots of space. What I need advice on is when he acts like a jerk do I ignore him completely for a while (not make any contact and not respond to his contact for a while)or do I not initiate contact but be there when he contacts and pretend as though nothing happend. Or anyone have a better idea? Please help

"What I need advice on is when he acts like a jerk do I ignore him completely for a while (text and not respond to his texts)or do I not initiate contact but be there when he contacts and pretend as though nothing happend. Or anyone have a better idea? Please help"


Every one of us goes through times where we are complete jerks .. our mood changes, we get angry, dissapointed, irritated .. any and all emotions. If a person was an asshole all the time, then that would suggest to me that he is just a jerk .. but, if he was only this way sometimes, then I would think he is human and having a bad day, or bad moment .. such as we all do.

My advise would be to overlook moments .. such as I'm sure you have moments, too, that he overlooks.

Are these episodes in which you are referring connected to your being upset about his concerns with commitment? If so, then doesn't that have to be taken into consideration?

If he is an angel at all times, except when commitment is approached .. then, how can it be determined that he's a jerk, if this is something that's important to him?

Maybe I misunderstood your post and what's the actual thorn in your side.

The actual thorn is how all week hes a sweetie. Calling, texting etc etc. The past 3 weekends in a row hes been MIA on the weekends. Thats not fair. Why can't I be included in all the fun when everyone is hanging out. We all have the same circle of friends. Before it was "were all gonna be at ______ hope you to see you there". Now it's "sorry going out with the guys tonight we'll do something tomorrow night" Although my friends are there too I don't want to show up and look like i'm stalking him. It's fine to keep it seperate but I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks. I don't feel like I need to beg for someone to spend time with me. Some days I say screw it I'm gonna do my own thing and meet others while he decides what he wants to do and other times I say he is Virgo and they do need lots of patience and I should just wait it out. What do I do?

This happens everytime. I get pissed because I goet left out he calls and is all nice and I forgive and forget thinking hes gonna make it up but I get no where. He still never wants to see me or do anything. If he wasn't into me then why does he call so much? I don't need a phone buddy.

Yeah I agree scopiogoat. I have decided to back off. The stupid joke texts that he uses to get my attention are getting lame. And him dangling his affection over my nose like a scooby snack that I never get just so he can ammuse him self and get reassurance since hes so dam insecure is even lamer. I'm a great catch. I'm very pretty very smart witty and in great shape. He's not going to find better. If he's not smart enough to recognize that then he's not what i'm looking for. I think it's time for me to take charge and decide which way this is going not him.

Why don't you just talk to him about these things? Tell him how you feel. you have a right don't you? o_O

what are you doing letting a virgo restrict you from being who you are. If you want to go with him then say..something like "Why can't I go?"

I'm sure he'll care. Virgs care about what you want. Trust me, my dad can insult me all day, but he still knows what I want and pleases me when he is able. So does the virguy I like. If I'm mad, sad, even happy, I talk to him about it. And he is open and genuinely concerned.

So these issues with him shoudln't be issues. Or you two aren't really as close as you seem.

"I know he really likes me and I feel like he is torn between me and his "freedom". Not that I would ever take it away from him but he feels like commiting to someone would take away all his freedom. Up until this point we have agreed to be friends without any labels or titles. He totally treats me like i'm more than a friend but I think he is confused and is trying to confuse me in the process."


HappyCrab .. I usually fail at trying to say things with diplomacy, so here goes my normal assessment, my own way, from what I gather with this issue.

Once prompted for the actual thorn in the side, it is then expressed that it's because you feel left out .. your final words about the effect it has left you was, "I get pissed because I goet left out he calls and is all nice and I forgive and forget thinking hes gonna make it up but I get no where. He still never wants to see me or do anything."

Cause and effect ..

However, looking at the first part of your original post, which is pasted at the top, you say that everything is going fine in getting to know each other .. however, it's his need for freedom that is causing his confusion .. when, I believe, that in reality, what's the cause, is your attempt at trying to get him to commit, when he's not ready. In so doing .. the effect is .. he's pulling away and wanting to spend his free time with his mates now, because if with you .. you want a commitment from him.

"he feels like commiting to someone would take away all his freedom. Up until this point we have agreed"

I realize that the above paste is actually a portion of two different sentences, however, the whole flow of what has been said here suggests that up until he felt like his freedom was being infringed upon .. there was an understanding. Now .. he's slipping away and you think he's confused, when in reality, I believe it's you who are confused because you're not understanding that his need to spend time away from you isn't because he does NOT want you, rather, he doesn't want to be pressured into a commitment.

I agree with the lady's .. you should live your life the way you feel you need to and if finding someone else who appreciates you more .. great!

My aim was to let you know, from how I percieve the situation, what happened .. why he decided to back away when everything was going fine.

Reineba Chan

Ive tried talking to him about things. I even try to do it in a non nagging non confrontational matter and via text messages so he doesn't have to face me. He plays mind games. He's really not like this. I know this because there was once a time when he was making plans to see me and actually seeing me.

If he wants me he will come around. I know he does and I know he will. If not oh well. We cannot reward bad behaivior no matter what sign.

"He's really not like this. I know this because there was once a time when he was making plans to see me and actually seeing me."

HappyCrab .. you know in your heart that he isn't a player, you said because you know it to be true.

It's not "that" he's doing this .. "what" is the reason.

Ive tried talking to him about things. I even try to do it in a non nagging non confrontational matter and via text messages so he doesn't have to face me. He plays mind games. He's really not like this. I know this because there was once a time when he was making plans to see me and actually seeing me.

If he wants me he will come around. I know he does and I know he will. If not oh well. We cannot reward bad behaivior no matter what sign.


Good! Now tell him that! Use sarcasm, I don't care. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.

Don't tell us. Tell him you think he's immature, that you don't appreciate etc etc..Insult him, hurt him..he'll get the point, trust me.

In fact, the only time I've seen a virgo turn around to my side is when I insulted them!! But do it with tact!!

Bring him to his knees!

I was referring to his flakyness when i said I know he is not like this. He's made plans with me 3 times and stood me up. Is it too much to commit to a dinner date or jogging. I feel like he's playing the old push pull game. He has mentioned his ex being really psycho and I think he got off on it. I think it made him feel important. And since I'm not acting that way he might feel like i'm not so into him and he's using these games to raise my interest. I'm done babying him for now. It's my turn to pull away. Ive givin him plenty of reassurance and now I need to reassure him that I won't be a push over.

Truly, I believe it's unfortunate that the male Virgo is so insecure about these issues, because if you could rip this fear away from them .. they are very gentle and warm hearted souls .. they push people away who could have very well shared wonderful and fulfilling moments with them .. and really, in the end .. the only thing we have are these moments of happiness, our memories.

I told him that we should remain freinds for now and if we decide to be more one day it would be fine he seemed fine with it yet he treats me as if i'm his girlfriend. He gets jelouse when I talk to other guys, all his friend tippy toe around me because they know i'm off limits for some reason and feels like he has to lie when he hangs out with his female friends. Why would he lie about his wereabouts if were just friends. I thought virgo's don't lie anyway whats up with that?

I'm not trying to kick him to the curb all together. I just wanted advice on how long I should stay away and if he is to call me today should I be available or should I be MIA until I'm ready to come around. Thats what I'm asking.

It's a deep rooted fear, HappyCrab, that causes insecurity .. there's no changing that.

Two choices are at the doorstep of every person who is involved with the Virgo when they get to where you are now, and two choices ONLY: Leave, with your dignity in tact .. or, stay and wait for him to decide if you are worthy of him.

Wish it wasn't that way .. but, it is.

"how long I should stay away and if he is to call me today should I be available or should I be MIA until I'm ready to come around."


None of the above .. it suggests that the relationship is to proceed according to him.

Isn't there a you?

"until I'm ready to come around."

There you go ..

Well if he wants me he can come around as he will since everyone else's virguy has and in the mean time I will do my own thing. I will continue to be his "friend" but with no expectations this time. I don't like for anyone to cancel plans on me and I sure don't like anyone to lie. I will not tolerate that and i'm sure he wouldn't either. He knows he messed up and I think thats why hes been so distant lately because he thinks he hasn't lived up to his "PERFECT" standard.

No I'm not afraid of losing him. I don't think I will ever lose him all together. I'm just trying to get some respect. I don't like to play games but unfortunatly the straight forward route is not working. I don't think I even had him to begin with. I know I'm in his heart so the rest is up to me.

Fear of losing often leads us to lose.
---

Well said SG, we caps really have almost all of our fears undercontrol.
V's on the other hand are over worried creatures!
Infact IF they learn that, caps can COMPLETE them in that part of their life in which they lack.

Two choices are at the doorstep of every person who is involved with the Virgo when they get to where you are now, and two choices ONLY: Leave, with your dignity in tact .. or, stay and wait for him to decide if you are worthy of him.


Yep, that's what he did.

Virguy: I gotta go, I will call you back....if I deem you worthy. *click*

Me:..what is he, God? o_O

later that night...

Virguy: Hey what's up!


these virgs are psychos o_O

I think I have a huge edge here being a Cancer with a virgo asc. I might also note this Virguy has Venus in scorpio. HES MINE ALL MINE. lol I can spot his manipulation tactics a mile a way (us cancers are master manipulators) I choose not to play this game. I have no patience left for these things. One thing I know is my absence is going to really shake up his insecurities. He's going to think his game wasn't strong enough so yes archer your right. He will back to try to get a deeper hook in me so the next time he ditches I won't let him go so easily. Well he will then learn that all these little games are doing is turning me off to him and next time around I will less trusting of him. I started thinking he would never do such a thing. Now I know better and thats what will prevent history repeating itself next time around.

Ok so i messed up (i think). My little cousin sent me a picture text of a baby giving the camera the middle finger and I couldn't help but send it to him. It was just perfect. I wasn't supposed to be contacting him at all and I blew it. I SUCK!!! And to top it off he didn't even respond.

"he feels like commiting to someone would take away all his freedom. Up until this point we have agreed"


My mind can't stop returning to this .. why does he have to be committed? And what do you mean by commiting? I think in here lies the answer .. it's when (this) commitment issue arised that the problems started, it appears.

Playing a game with him to shock his insecurities to make him see what he's missing doesn't sound like the prudent thing to do .. that pretty much just makes you on this same lower level that you are pissed about what he's doing to you. Playing on him doesn't sound like it's a move to live for yourself, rather, for him .. the only thing it will do for you is give you some kind of false satisfaction that you got over on him .. that's not cool, at all.

Anyway, what's so bad about a man not wanting to be commited so fast?

I thought life was about sharing beautiful moments ..

P Angel. Alot of these games we play with each other have alot to do with ego and pride (2 things I hate the most). I never ourwardly pressured him to commit but I think he's afriad of the feelings that he's experiencing because of me. He once told me in a text message "I think it's best we stay friends. I'm not looking for a seriouse relationship and you are. I like you way too much and I don't want to hurt you. I just can't do that to you." When I got this message it kinda sucked about the not wanting to get seriouse part but I was really excited that he admit that he really liked me. I responded back thats fine I understand your a great person and a wonderful friend. He was kinda shocked at my response because he kept saying "I'M BEING SERIOUSE". I think he thought I wasn't taking him seriousely because I didn't have an emotional break down. I just didn't because with this guy I always get this feeling that everything is gonna be ok. So the pressure doesn't come from me it comes from the whole flow of our relationship. After that message everything between us ie the phone calls the dates etc etc continued as usual. Thats why I think he's confused and yes I am confused as well.

Well, if he isn't looking for a serious relationship and you are .. then, it's time to hit the road.

But, just think .. if you two stay good friends, then you can rest assured that it's a real one. That's probably worth more, anyway, because honest and sincere friends are hard to come by.

Yeah I agree with you P Angel but why does he still treat me like a girlfriend? Why has he been keeping his distance lately. I'm sure if I was one of the guys he wouldn't be acting this way.

Well I don't think it's such a big deal anymore. I think there silence means don't leave me. Otherwise we all know virgos have no problem speaking there mind and telling us to scat. Don't feel bad for giving in because you should be yourself and if you feel like calling you call just as you would any other friend. I been thinking and the last virgo i dealt with should have been this new virgos clone becuase i went through the same Sh** with that one. Eventually i became bored and let go. It has been almost 2 years and old virgo and i are still great freinds. I know he's so inlove with me yet he will never bring himself to admit it. But by now I have lost all interest and all attraction to him so it doesnt matter. The only reason why i'm giving new virgo a shot is because his sarcasm isn't as bad as old virgo (at least for now). Another thing is I think they want to be the ones who initiate contact. It's an ego thing "I'll start talking to her when I'm ready". I've gone 2 months without talking to old virgo and he always ends up coming around. The trick is with these guys is you can't be so wrapped up with these guys. You have to think of them as a pal or a buddy and not as a boyfriend even though everything else points to that. It's easier said than done but believe me thats the only way. On the bright side you can do your thing in the mean time. Have fun. Meet people and keep your self occupied.

Yeah scopiogoat, they also don't like drama and emotional break downs so confronting him that way sure won't get a response out of him. The twisted thing about it is they know there guilty and they know what there doing is wrong yet they won't face you about it. At least you let him know how you feel. But becaureful because you don't want to creat a tug of war battle because then you'll never win. Let him feel like he's come after you. Also another ironically good sign is that he is hiding from you that means you've come too close for comfort. So give him a minute he'll come around.

HappyCrab,

You've gone 2 months with no contact with your Virgo. I've gone 4 months now but I'm not sad about it at all. It just shows how one sided things were in my case. I refuse to do anything. Besides, it's good to just move on which I started to do a while ago. There are better things to do.

Yeah mystical I agree but my friend ended up calling me back eventually. I wonder what would happen if you tried calling your virgo after all this time.

Yeah, I wonder sometimes about that. However, I refuse to call him. For what? For him to ignore me like he's done other times before. One time, it had gone almost 3 months and I finally sent him a text asking him if he's still alive. He called me within a matter of minutes which shocked the heck out of me as I wasn't expecting that whatsoever. I figured he was going to ignore me. Now it's gone over 4 months and if he really wanted to get in touch with me, he would have by now. For some reason, he's staying away. However, I'm not sure since he hasn't told me goodbye does it mean he'll call when he's good and ready. Well, I've moved on from that type of game. I'm worth more than how he's acting. It doesn't bother me anymore because I changed my phone number. I'm not interested in him suddenly calling me acting like nothing. Nope. Not this time.

Thats why I say if you want to get anywhere with these guys you have to not care so much. He called you right away Mystical because he missed you and he was too ashamed and too worried that you hate him to call you.

Well, he only called me when I sent a text message to him. Now, it's been 4 months and I haven't attempted to get in touch with him nor him with me. Therefore I'll probably never hear from him ever again and I changed my number. Why in the world would he call me when he hasn't tried in 4 months? Therefore I figured it was time to change my number and finally give completely up and this time mean it. I've never changed my number before but I don't want him to call me in a blue moon. No more.

i know mystical they need a green light from you.

A green light? What? When a guy is interested in you they'll show it. He obviously isn't interested in maintaining a friendship with me (why I don't know) for it to go so long. Now he doesn't have to try.

because there VIRGOS. Forget everything you learned about guys and start over with this one. trust me on this.

Well, I've never dealt with Virgos before. There was one years ago, but he drove me nuts with his pushy ways but I didn't understand at the time he really liked me. It was only after he went away when I started to like him. With this Virgo guy, well, he's some piece of work. I tried to be the best friend thing which it looks like completely failed. If he needed to talk, I'd be there for him which was a big mistake. He would call me late at night drunk. I was a fool when I look back on it and it angers me that I was blind. I didn't want to face the truth which was I was just something for him to pass the time with it looks like. I've gotten angry with him before because I wanted to get a reaction out of him. I'm tired of having to try to get him to see I'm not out to hurt him as he says everybody does. He seems to believe in the psychology that he's going to hurt you before you can hurt him which was something I was never going to do in the first place. For me to make a clean break, I changed my number. He's very challenging and wants things done always his way. He wants to do all the calling whenever he feels like it. Well, I'm not waiting in the wings for him to pick me up when he feels like it. He knows how to reach me if he really wants to. However, if he did, it would anger me and I'd think how dare he.

Yeah if you dont know about them its best you stay away. They can drive you nuts.

Well, this Virgo did drive me nuts. I was depressed (for the first time in my life), sad and angry for a while. It wasn't until I got my act together and realized I couldn't take on his problems otherwise I would go insane. It affected my school work because I had him on my mind a lot. I feel like a failure in the friendship part which is something I've never done before. When I make friends with someone they stay with me. Somehow something went wrong with this particular person. I'll never understand it and it will remain a mystery since I refuse to call him and he hasn't tried to get in touch with me. Therefore I've moved on.

They like to push people as far away as they can. Especially the ones they love. They need to be able to controll everything and emotions are not something they have controll over thats why they push away anything that gets close to them.

Well, then I guess that is what happened. I failed. I've swallowed the bitter pill of failure and learnt from it.

yeah i was thinking the same thing lol. Maybe i just needed this board to vent my frustrations with other fellow frustrated people.

Venting is good. I did a bit of venting last year. Boy, I was a bit frustrated.

I agree, HappyCrab seems to understand Virgo males. If they like to always have complete controll then I got a lucky escape because I'm not someone who likes to be controlled ever.

Whats your sign mystical?

I'm a free spirited Aquarian, and quite original which I like.

ahh yes. Nobody can tell you guys what to do thats for sure. I admire that in you guys. Not that us cancers are push overs but we should focus on making ourselves more happy than trying to make others happy.