ChrisNews
@ChrisNews
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 112 · Topics: 8
What type of virgo man is he & is he playing games
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Being that he's 8 years younger than you this is expected, he's not ready, he wants to play around with you/other women before making a solid decision about you which may be never coming from a Cancer male.
Don't contact him again, give up on his sorry ass. Why? He's the one that left not you so there is no reason for you to chase him to have a relationship with him when prior to him stopping the relationship everything was fine and he was doing his part of the relationship.
"I think he just wants a text girlfriend."
100% correct. He reset the relationship to text only. Who does that? A douchebag
"Why does this man says he loves me and doesn't show it?"
If he's not DEMONSTRATING loving actions consistently and n top of that chooses to be half ass with communication then he does not mean it.
"Is he a player? Is this a game to him? He says he is not but I've never been to his place, I've never been invited. I am kept separate from his life. etc. Our first dat"
Maybe/Maybe not. Read the Cancer stories on the Cancer board, this is how Cancer men behave. One minute he's ALL IN and the next he's OUT.
If he's keeping you separate from his life then he's not that into you, least not enough to include you in his every day life and now that he's reset the relationship to text messaging you'll never get asked to come over to his place nor will you be invited into his world.
I'm not sure what he was after, be it sex, be it bagging an older woman etc but whatever the case he's out and he's not coming back which is why he's put you on the begging chasing end of the situation.
No initiating anything with him, you shouldn't have to beg and fight and chase to have him. You were not doing that in the beginning with him why do it now?
Delete number, learn lesson, don't take younger men seriously until he's proven with his words and his actions that he's serious.
Don't contact him again, give up on his sorry ass. Why? He's the one that left not you so there is no reason for you to chase him to have a relationship with him when prior to him stopping the relationship everything was fine and he was doing his part of the relationship.
"I think he just wants a text girlfriend."
100% correct. He reset the relationship to text only. Who does that? A douchebag
"Why does this man says he loves me and doesn't show it?"
If he's not DEMONSTRATING loving actions consistently and n top of that chooses to be half ass with communication then he does not mean it.
"Is he a player? Is this a game to him? He says he is not but I've never been to his place, I've never been invited. I am kept separate from his life. etc. Our first dat"
Maybe/Maybe not. Read the Cancer stories on the Cancer board, this is how Cancer men behave. One minute he's ALL IN and the next he's OUT.
If he's keeping you separate from his life then he's not that into you, least not enough to include you in his every day life and now that he's reset the relationship to text messaging you'll never get asked to come over to his place nor will you be invited into his world.
I'm not sure what he was after, be it sex, be it bagging an older woman etc but whatever the case he's out and he's not coming back which is why he's put you on the begging chasing end of the situation.
No initiating anything with him, you shouldn't have to beg and fight and chase to have him. You were not doing that in the beginning with him why do it now?
Delete number, learn lesson, don't take younger men seriously until he's proven with his words and his actions that he's serious.
Ummm he's Virgo not Cancer...
Sorry for that typo...Still stands, he's not including you in his life, he downgraded the connection to cell phone only whereas before that you had full access to him. He's verbally feeding you hope but standing firmly on his side, not budging once to connect with you.
If you feel he's worth the effort then continue but I stand by my statement, he's 8 years younger, he's not going to be serious with you which is why he bailed out on you.
Him downgrading the relationship with you doesn't mean he will throw away having access to you if needed ie eat his cake and eat it too but he isn't going to put in as much effort and he's going to encourage you to do it instead which leaves the door open for him to access to you but he don't want to give you the wrong impression that he will be with you consistently as he once was.
You're older than him, you know how this goes I'm sure. Don't allow this man to play with you this way. He lost you when chose to back away, although he's encouraging you to chase him, don't chase him, let him do his part and if he can't then he's wasting your time.
If you feel he's worth the effort then continue but I stand by my statement, he's 8 years younger, he's not going to be serious with you which is why he bailed out on you.
Him downgrading the relationship with you doesn't mean he will throw away having access to you if needed ie eat his cake and eat it too but he isn't going to put in as much effort and he's going to encourage you to do it instead which leaves the door open for him to access to you but he don't want to give you the wrong impression that he will be with you consistently as he once was.
You're older than him, you know how this goes I'm sure. Don't allow this man to play with you this way. He lost you when chose to back away, although he's encouraging you to chase him, don't chase him, let him do his part and if he can't then he's wasting your time.
You have posted this before right.
Posted by ChrisNews
Hi
We started off great. Were seeing each other once a week. This week marks week 4 of that stopping. He said things were going too fast, that he wanted to go with the flow, that he needed time to think, that he cared for me, that he is looking for a wife, that he doesn't want to keep dating, etc.
As a Virgo - I can confirm that often when I need space I would still like to hear from you BUT when I do Its definitely not just "quick" responses to get over you or just to shut you up. If Im mad perhaps but it doesnt seem like he's too interested.
I would stop texting him, being 8 years his senior you should show him that you're a mature woman and you dont have time for kiddie games. It'll eat him up!
I would stop texting him, being 8 years his senior you should show him that you're a mature woman and you dont have time for kiddie games. It'll eat him up!
Posted by ChrisNews
I am not one to call first or rarely even text first. So I left him alone. 4 days later he sends me a text upset that he hasn't heard from me. Confused me.
I hate it when say they are confused when what they really mean is that they think they are a Princess and find themselves not being treated as one and it pisses them off.
Because you ignore him, to let him come to you .. there's nothing confusing about that ... but, there is something fucked up about that, in that, you just want The attention, and not the person.
If you wanted the person you would put forth some effort .... looks like you put forth no effort at all and expect him to come running to you .... The Princess wanna-be
Posted by ChrisNews
..... walk his talk ...
And you actually think you walk your talk, don't you?
Posted by ChrisNews
I truly do love him.
What a crock of shit, you dont' truly love him because you also said ....
Posted by ChrisNews
but for know (cause I don't have conflicts - I am not seeing anyone else) I want to see how ...
click to expand
Which suggests that you are only still with him because you have nobody else to play with.
The only issue I see here is that you are full of yourself.
Thank you for the comments. I still haven't quite figured out how to reply to specific names so here goes:
P-Angel: I have put forth the effort. I have tried. I have suited up and entered the game, willing to meet him halfway. He is the one that hasn't. He seems to get upset when I ignore him, and then when I do give him attention, he disappears. I finally just gave up trying, and let him call/text. Funny how you call me a princess, because I am not even close to that. I am more of a tomboy by nature. I can speak directly and have before with him in the past. He always came back with a story about not wanting to blow it with me, or about dealing with family stuff. I don't need his attention. Or any man's. I was single for a long time before him.
trashbliss. I have stopped calling him and tried just texting him once "hi" every other day. Today I got a good morning text from him, along with "you don't even call me anymore" - which makes no sense because if you want me to leave you alone, then why send that? I simply responded, "you don't call me either, I figured that's what you wanted." Then he went on about remembering a night we shared together. Why not just be happy I'm not calling and move on to the next girl?
Tiki33. I agree with you. Why not just have the big argument? We have done that 2 times now. And both times he talked me back. He is about 45 miles away, and works about 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and is a single parent. I get that he is busy. He was coming over about once a week after work -getting to my place late and tired. Then it stopped after he started to tell me he loved me. He kept wanting to know if I loved him and after days of pressing me I finally said yes, and then he said he did too and then that is when the "lets just go with the flow, things are moving too fast, I feel like we are closer than if we lived near each other, if you lived near it would be different. ,etc.
I am not waiting for him. I am too old for games. I am just as busy. I just want to understand this man because today's text from him about me not calling him anymore - why send that? Why not drop this. I want him to end this because I know if I blow it up into an argument and give all my grievances, I can be swayed with his sweet talk. But if he ends it, I am a cancer - I will run into my shell and never let him hurt me again.
P-Angel: I have put forth the effort. I have tried. I have suited up and entered the game, willing to meet him halfway. He is the one that hasn't. He seems to get upset when I ignore him, and then when I do give him attention, he disappears. I finally just gave up trying, and let him call/text. Funny how you call me a princess, because I am not even close to that. I am more of a tomboy by nature. I can speak directly and have before with him in the past. He always came back with a story about not wanting to blow it with me, or about dealing with family stuff. I don't need his attention. Or any man's. I was single for a long time before him.
trashbliss. I have stopped calling him and tried just texting him once "hi" every other day. Today I got a good morning text from him, along with "you don't even call me anymore" - which makes no sense because if you want me to leave you alone, then why send that? I simply responded, "you don't call me either, I figured that's what you wanted." Then he went on about remembering a night we shared together. Why not just be happy I'm not calling and move on to the next girl?
Tiki33. I agree with you. Why not just have the big argument? We have done that 2 times now. And both times he talked me back. He is about 45 miles away, and works about 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and is a single parent. I get that he is busy. He was coming over about once a week after work -getting to my place late and tired. Then it stopped after he started to tell me he loved me. He kept wanting to know if I loved him and after days of pressing me I finally said yes, and then he said he did too and then that is when the "lets just go with the flow, things are moving too fast, I feel like we are closer than if we lived near each other, if you lived near it would be different. ,etc.
I am not waiting for him. I am too old for games. I am just as busy. I just want to understand this man because today's text from him about me not calling him anymore - why send that? Why not drop this. I want him to end this because I know if I blow it up into an argument and give all my grievances, I can be swayed with his sweet talk. But if he ends it, I am a cancer - I will run into my shell and never let him hurt me again.
If you do contact him again or he reaches out, my personal advice would be to confront him on the this emotional rollercoaster he has with you. Since you want to take the advice that you do love him and want to "suit up" as you say - tell him that its making you confused his disappearing acts and then see his response. It shouldnt be a "oh you're so silly, of course I blah blah you". If so I think its just game and perhaps he's trying to see how far he can get with you.
I know Cancers can be a bit sensitive and so can Virgos but we tend to get over things quicker than you all. I would tell him how you feel, tell him what you're not willing to do (i.e: chase him with no reciprocity) and just let it lie.
Or not...Im just a text message lol.
I know Cancers can be a bit sensitive and so can Virgos but we tend to get over things quicker than you all. I would tell him how you feel, tell him what you're not willing to do (i.e: chase him with no reciprocity) and just let it lie.
Or not...Im just a text message lol.
Why should he drop it? He clearly is running the show in regards to how things will be. He said go slow, he didn't say you both should stop communicating completely so he's communicating slowly.
This is his version of going slow, he want you to call, he want you to put in all the effort and he just show up, this actually is the going theme with Virgo males these days on DXP.
He's not going to stop altogether communicating with you when he now see you're weak over him and will play by his rules. Pulling strings is fun, dating is boring to some guys.
If you had set your own STANDARD and told him NO what your doing is not good enough for me and kicked his immature explanation having ass to the curb the first time maybe you wouldn't have to use so much of your precious time and energy on figuring out he's not prioritizing you and he has too many excuses as to why he can't show up for you.
This is his version of going slow, he want you to call, he want you to put in all the effort and he just show up, this actually is the going theme with Virgo males these days on DXP.
He's not going to stop altogether communicating with you when he now see you're weak over him and will play by his rules. Pulling strings is fun, dating is boring to some guys.
If you had set your own STANDARD and told him NO what your doing is not good enough for me and kicked his immature explanation having ass to the curb the first time maybe you wouldn't have to use so much of your precious time and energy on figuring out he's not prioritizing you and he has too many excuses as to why he can't show up for you.
Posted by tiki33
If you had set your own STANDARD and told him NO what your doing is not good enough for me and kicked his immature explanation having ass to the curb the first time maybe you wouldn't have to use so much of your precious time and energy on figuring out he's not prioritizing you and he has too many excuses as to why he can't show up for you.
I totally agree with Tiki on this part which is why I said tell him how it is to see if you can kickstart things back to your favor. The only problem is - if it rubs him the wrong way then he may MAY disappear for good so be ready for that!
Tiki and Trashbliss: You both are right. I thank you for the advice. I should have been more determined in the beginning. And I did speak up in the beginning and told him I did not like the treatment, but I would give in to his sweet talk. I like that I didn't see him everyday, that he lived far away, and I like that he was responsible (kid, job) and that he was making effort. I should have walked then, but by then I cared.
Now, I chalk it up to a lesson learned. Don't care too soon. I am not waiting for him. I'm moving on. He seems to be a typical Virgo from what I've read.
I will be out of town next week. He knows it. Maybe by the time I come back, he will have moved on himself.
Now, I chalk it up to a lesson learned. Don't care too soon. I am not waiting for him. I'm moving on. He seems to be a typical Virgo from what I've read.
I will be out of town next week. He knows it. Maybe by the time I come back, he will have moved on himself.
Posted by tiki33
Delete number, learn lesson, don't take younger men seriously until he's proven with his words and his actions that he's serious.
I don't believe ANY man should be taken seriously without doing that. It depends on the individual's involved & just because someone is older doesn't mean they're emotionally mature.
Also she's never stated how old she was or how old he is. She could be 50 & he could be 42. Doesn't matter how old someone is because maturity doesn't come with age. There are fucktards of EVERY age.
Posted by ChrisNews
Thank you for the comments. I still haven't quite figured out how to reply to specific names so here goes:
P-Angel: I have put forth the effort. I have tried. I have suited up and entered the game, willing to meet him halfway. He is the one that hasn't. He seems to get upset when I ignore him, and then when I do give him attention, he disappears. I finally just gave up trying, and let him call/text. Funny how you call me a princess, because I am not even close to that. I am more of a tomboy by nature. I can speak directly and have before with him in the past. He always came back with a story about not wanting to blow it with me, or about dealing with family stuff. I don't need his attention. Or any man's. I was single for a long time before him.
trashbliss. I have stopped calling him and tried just texting him once "hi" every other day. Today I got a good morning text from him, along with "you don't even call me anymore" - which makes no sense because if you want me to leave you alone, then why send that? I simply responded, "you don't call me either, I figured that's what you wanted." Then he went on about remembering a night we shared together. Why not just be happy I'm not calling and move on to the next girl?
Tiki33. I agree with you. Why not just have the big argument? We have done that 2 times now. And both times he talked me back. He is about 45 miles away, and works about 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and is a single parent. I get that he is busy. He was coming over about once a week after work -getting to my place late and tired. Then it stopped after he started to tell me he loved me. He kept wanting to know if I loved him and after days of pressing me I finally said yes, and then he said he did too and then that is when the "lets just go with the flow, things are moving too fast, I feel like we are closer than if we lived near each other, if you lived near it would be different. ,etc.
I am not waiting for him. I am too old for games. I am just as busy. I just want to understand this man because today's text from him about me not calling him anymore - why send that? Why not drop this. I want him to end this because I know if I blow it up into an argument and give all my grievances, I can be swayed with his sweet talk. But if he ends it, I am a cancer - I will run into my shell and never let him hurt me again.
I believe he i
I believe he is testing you.
You are not alone, many women find themselves in your shoes, she thinks surely he's a great dad and responsible person then he must be that way with with his woman too and as you can see it's not true. A man can go to work every day, prioritize his child, be a great dad and fail at being in a one on one relationship with a woman.
If you have the will to do it, when he finally calls again you can tell him that although you're interested in getting to know him you just can't settle for what he's offered. and you'll be moving on.
It'll fuck his head up when he realize his behavior has been rejected b/c he won't expect you to turn the tables on him but maybe he'll come around and offer you more once he see you will not settle for less. Keep it simple, don't drag it on, be exact and to the point and politely excuse yourself from the phone call. DO NOT do this via text that's if you decide to do it at all.
If you have the will to do it, when he finally calls again you can tell him that although you're interested in getting to know him you just can't settle for what he's offered. and you'll be moving on.
It'll fuck his head up when he realize his behavior has been rejected b/c he won't expect you to turn the tables on him but maybe he'll come around and offer you more once he see you will not settle for less. Keep it simple, don't drag it on, be exact and to the point and politely excuse yourself from the phone call. DO NOT do this via text that's if you decide to do it at all.
A follow up:
Well he did call Friday afternoon. A short 3 minute call from work where he said he misses my voice, and everything about me. And that he would call that night.
Well Friday night, a full moon and I finally said well, might as well let it all out. I gave him a humorous text about my age and not remembering what he said last (that he would call me afterwork)
He called. We talked.
Talked more that we had in the previous 2 weeks combined.
I was very calm and non emotional. I was blunt and direct. Learned about him. And I called him out every time he tried to change the subject, deflect, or agree with me.
I asked him point blank what he wanted from me, where he saw this going, if any and what was going to change after this conversation.
He claimed that his feelings for me haven't changed, that he does want to be my man, that he does want this to work, that the distance is hard, that he knows he isn't being fair to me, and that he wishes things were different.
Then in just listening to the words he used I got the impression he is passive. Not directive. He used words like "I wish, I want, I hope" and I called him out on that. I asked him to tell me something that he "will" do.
We did not argue. We talked. I did not cry or get emotional. I was just direct. When he tried to change the subject to anything else, I'd answer his question, then say, "I see you are trying to change the subject to avoid answering x, lets go back to that question. He'd laugh and answer with effort and then the cycle repeated onto the next one.
Now for me, I have to let these annoyances go - else I becomes the girl who keeps picking at the same scab.lol
Is there a future? I don't know. While he claims he will change, that he wants me in his life, that he will make me a priority in his life, etc. Those are just words and I am going to look for the actions. I told him that I wasn't going to wait for him, that I am not going to sit around waiting for him on the weekends, that I am going out, and that the days of silence turn into weeks and then months, to not pop up later in my life.
He did not like that statement at all. Nor did he like when I mentioned briefly something about talking to other men.
I didn't press on those two conversations. (I could sense he was getting agitated)
In the end I felt better - not for his words - but because I wasn't being me, I was holding in the frustrations. Nothing has changed. Im moving forward with me. Just now
Well he did call Friday afternoon. A short 3 minute call from work where he said he misses my voice, and everything about me. And that he would call that night.
Well Friday night, a full moon and I finally said well, might as well let it all out. I gave him a humorous text about my age and not remembering what he said last (that he would call me afterwork)
He called. We talked.
Talked more that we had in the previous 2 weeks combined.
I was very calm and non emotional. I was blunt and direct. Learned about him. And I called him out every time he tried to change the subject, deflect, or agree with me.
I asked him point blank what he wanted from me, where he saw this going, if any and what was going to change after this conversation.
He claimed that his feelings for me haven't changed, that he does want to be my man, that he does want this to work, that the distance is hard, that he knows he isn't being fair to me, and that he wishes things were different.
Then in just listening to the words he used I got the impression he is passive. Not directive. He used words like "I wish, I want, I hope" and I called him out on that. I asked him to tell me something that he "will" do.
We did not argue. We talked. I did not cry or get emotional. I was just direct. When he tried to change the subject to anything else, I'd answer his question, then say, "I see you are trying to change the subject to avoid answering x, lets go back to that question. He'd laugh and answer with effort and then the cycle repeated onto the next one.
Now for me, I have to let these annoyances go - else I becomes the girl who keeps picking at the same scab.lol
Is there a future? I don't know. While he claims he will change, that he wants me in his life, that he will make me a priority in his life, etc. Those are just words and I am going to look for the actions. I told him that I wasn't going to wait for him, that I am not going to sit around waiting for him on the weekends, that I am going out, and that the days of silence turn into weeks and then months, to not pop up later in my life.
He did not like that statement at all. Nor did he like when I mentioned briefly something about talking to other men.
I didn't press on those two conversations. (I could sense he was getting agitated)
In the end I felt better - not for his words - but because I wasn't being me, I was holding in the frustrations. Nothing has changed. Im moving forward with me. Just now
Posted by PotHeadVirgo22
Of course you won't stick around. You're a woman.
I'm just confused as to why he "wishes" and "hopes". What's stopping the proggression?
@PotHeadVirgo22 That is a good question. And from what I am learning, he seems to be reactive verses active. Meaning he is going through life reacting to situations instead of being active and deciding, " I will do this, etc."
He can say no, but only when he is extremely tired. I have seen him tell his sister no on the phone. But he was tired. He family is constantly using him - and he never says no.
We live about 50 miles apart - across state lines. And his work schedule is ridiculous.
And it isn't about me sticking around. I could understand and wait if I knew I was waiting for a relationship with him at the end and I knew when the end was. I do agree with someone who said they want to be lead. I am starting to think that is true with him.
I don't know how I could lead him though? I am naturally a take charge woman. I am also action oriented and patience is not a virtue I grace. Probably where my frustration lies.
"Then it stopped after he started to tell me he loved me. He kept wanting to know if I loved him and after days of pressing me I finally said yes, and then he said he did too and then that is when the "lets just go with the flow, things are moving too fast, I feel like we are closer than if we lived near each other, if you lived near it would be different. ,etc."
"Is there a future? I don't know. "While he claims he will change, that he wants me in his life, that he will make me a priority in his life, etc. Those are just words and I am going to look for the actions." I told him that I wasn't going to wait for him, that I am not going to sit around waiting for him on the weekends, that I am going out, and that the days of silence turn into weeks and then months, to not pop up later in my life."
Wow..talk about DEMANDS! Are you serious? You see the guy once a week if that. He put out the first feeler when he told you he loved you. You didn't answer for DAYS as he kept asking you. That's why he suggested going with the flow.
Regarding your DEMAND on being a "priority"...think again! His child will always be the first priority in his life until the child leaves home. That's something you better wrap your head around now. With this attitude you have, I absolutely agree, you go out and you find someone that is looking for someone like you who holds one hell of a sense of ENTITLEMENT. I think P-angel nailed it, Princess syndrome.
"Is there a future? I don't know. "While he claims he will change, that he wants me in his life, that he will make me a priority in his life, etc. Those are just words and I am going to look for the actions." I told him that I wasn't going to wait for him, that I am not going to sit around waiting for him on the weekends, that I am going out, and that the days of silence turn into weeks and then months, to not pop up later in my life."
Wow..talk about DEMANDS! Are you serious? You see the guy once a week if that. He put out the first feeler when he told you he loved you. You didn't answer for DAYS as he kept asking you. That's why he suggested going with the flow.
Regarding your DEMAND on being a "priority"...think again! His child will always be the first priority in his life until the child leaves home. That's something you better wrap your head around now. With this attitude you have, I absolutely agree, you go out and you find someone that is looking for someone like you who holds one hell of a sense of ENTITLEMENT. I think P-angel nailed it, Princess syndrome.
Wow..talk about DEMANDS! Are you serious? You see the guy once a week if that. He put out the first feeler when he told you he loved you. You didn't answer for DAYS as he kept asking you. That's why he suggested going with the flow.
Regarding your DEMAND on being a "priority"...think again! His child will always be the first priority in his life until the child leaves home. That's something you better wrap your head around now. With this attitude you have, I absolutely agree, you go out and you find someone that is looking for someone like you who holds one hell of a sense of ENTITLEMENT. I think P-angel nailed it, Princess syndrome.
Lol I never said I didn't answer for days. Where did you get that. I always respond to text - I don't think I'm that special that it is ok to ignore a persons text or call. I respond to any text, from anyone. I said he went silent for a fews days and then texted me upset because I wasn't reaching out to him first. If it helps there is about 3 weeks of lapsed time between events.
I never said I wanted to be a first priority. I have kids too. They always come first. That is stupid to think anyone would put someone before their kids.
I never "DEMANDED" anything. I asked him if he wanted to continue with me or if he wanted us part and end things and move on. I said, (and what I said to him) is, if I was important to him he would make me a priority in his life. And I suppose that is a vague word that different people can have different meanings. For me, it simply means calling, texting and responding to them and making an effort to see each other when you can get free. It is calling putting effort into making the relationship work.
Regarding your DEMAND on being a "priority"...think again! His child will always be the first priority in his life until the child leaves home. That's something you better wrap your head around now. With this attitude you have, I absolutely agree, you go out and you find someone that is looking for someone like you who holds one hell of a sense of ENTITLEMENT. I think P-angel nailed it, Princess syndrome.
Lol I never said I didn't answer for days. Where did you get that. I always respond to text - I don't think I'm that special that it is ok to ignore a persons text or call. I respond to any text, from anyone. I said he went silent for a fews days and then texted me upset because I wasn't reaching out to him first. If it helps there is about 3 weeks of lapsed time between events.
I never said I wanted to be a first priority. I have kids too. They always come first. That is stupid to think anyone would put someone before their kids.
I never "DEMANDED" anything. I asked him if he wanted to continue with me or if he wanted us part and end things and move on. I said, (and what I said to him) is, if I was important to him he would make me a priority in his life. And I suppose that is a vague word that different people can have different meanings. For me, it simply means calling, texting and responding to them and making an effort to see each other when you can get free. It is calling putting effort into making the relationship work.
Posted by ChrisNews
Lol I never said I didn't answer for days. Where did you get that. >
Ok..I see you're one of those spinmeisters. I'll quote directly for now on as not to waste time, but here is where YOU state you made him wait for days...you're words:
Posted by ChrisNewsThen it stopped after he started to tell me he loved me. He kept wanting to know if I loved him and after days of pressing me I finally said yes,
Posted by ChrisNews
I never said I wanted to be a first priority. I have kids too. They always come first. That is stupid to think anyone would put someone before their kids.
Great, since you do have kids good you get the drift. Not to mention his job is priority #2. I don't see you liking coming in 3rd at all. It really shows. Not to mention, you have doomed this relationship already in your first post with an assumption. Again your words:
Posted by ChrisNews
I know this is eventually going to come to a point where I let him know this isn't going to work for me,click to expand
Maybe you should just concentrate your energy on your kids. Clearly he makes you miserable, clearly you have no respect for him and if I was a betting woman, I'd say you are just shopping for a Daddy around the house. One thing is for sure though, any man would react this way to your behavior, and I'd venture to say he's definitely not the first. You might want to figure that out.
Maybe you should just concentrate your energy on your kids. Clearly he makes you miserable, clearly you have no respect for him and if I was a betting woman, I'd say you are just shopping for a Daddy around the house. One thing is for sure though, any man would react this way to your behavior, and I'd venture to say he's definitely not the first. You might want to figure that out.
@LetItBe - Clearly I've angered you and you have stereotyped me. That is ok. We all do that to some extent. For example, I can stereotype you as being an angry person based on your responses.
When he asked me if I loved him, my response didn't take days. It was a conversation we had sitting on my couch. That was 2 months ago. This past weekend, he shared he still felt the same way about me.
It did come to a point where I did let him know this isn't working for me -we had a long talk this past Friday night. (I tried to recap that)
He isn't making me "miserable" - that would assume I am making him the center point of my life. I am not. I am just curious about human nature naturally - and I am trying to figure him out because I am drawn to him. He isn't like other men I have met. I am attracted to him.
I do respect him. I've never disrespected him and I've never not been honest with him. And he isn't angry with me, nor I with him. It just is what it is. And he did share that a long distance relationship is new to him and he flusters with how to deal with it.
The funniest thing you said "shopping for a daddy around the house" is hilarious.
My kids are 21 and 19, they don't need a "daddy". I've been divorced for 8 years now. I never brought a man to my house until my youngest turned 18 because I didn't want them to feel like they had to compete for my attention. And even to this day no man ever moved in. I chose not to date anyone during their teenage years. My kids and my career were my focus.
Finally, I don't need a man to financially support me. I am very financially stable. I don't need a man for anything I can do my own work around the house and what I can't do, I can pay someone to do it. While I enjoy the company of men, I am very complete, whole and content without one.
This particular guy is the first in the sense of the relationship not moving or moving at a snails pace. I usually have the other problem, where men want to get involved with me too fast, and start talking moving in together. And I end up run
@LetItBe - Clearly I've angered you and you have stereotyped me. That is ok. We all do that to some extent. For example, I can stereotype you as being an angry person based on your responses.
When he asked me if I loved him, my response didn't take days. It was a conversation we had sitting on my couch. That was 2 months ago. This past weekend, he shared he still felt the same way about me.
It did come to a point where I did let him know this isn't working for me -we had a long talk this past Friday night. (I tried to recap that)
He isn't making me "miserable" - that would assume I am making him the center point of my life. I am not. I am just curious about human nature naturally - and I am trying to figure him out because I am drawn to him. He isn't like other men I have met. I am attracted to him.
I do respect him. I've never disrespected him and I've never not been honest with him. And he isn't angry with me, nor I with him. It just is what it is. And he did share that a long distance relationship is new to him and he flusters with how to deal with it.
The funniest thing you said "shopping for a daddy around the house" is hilarious.
My kids are 21 and 19, they don't need a "daddy". I've been divorced for 8 years now. I never brought a man to my house until my youngest turned 18 because I didn't want them to feel like they had to compete for my attention. And even to this day no man ever moved in. I chose not to date anyone during their teenage years. My kids and my career were my focus.
Finally, I don't need a man to financially support me. I am very financially stable. I don't need a man for anything I can do my own work around the house and what I can't do, I can pay someone to do it. While I enjoy the company of men, I am very complete, whole and content without one.
This particular guy is the first in the sense of the relationship not moving or moving at a snails pace. I usually have the other problem, where men want to get involved with me too fast, and start talking moving in together. And I end up run
Posted by ChrisNews
@LetItBe - Clearly I've angered you and you have stereotyped me. That is ok. We all do that to some extent. For example, I can stereotype you as being an angry person based on your responses.
When he asked me if I loved him, my response didn't take days. It was a conversation we had sitting on my couch. That was 2 months ago. This past weekend, he shared he still felt the same way about me.
It did come to a point where I did let him know this isn't working for me -we had a long talk this past Friday night. (I tried to recap that)
He isn't making me "miserable" - that would assume I am making him the center point of my life. I am not. I am just curious about human nature naturally - and I am trying to figure him out because I am drawn to him. He isn't like other men I have met. I am attracted to him.
I do respect him. I've never disrespected him and I've never not been honest with him. And he isn't angry with me, nor I with him. It just is what it is. And he did share that a long distance relationship is new to him and he flusters with how to deal with it.
The funniest thing you said "shopping for a daddy around the house" is hilarious.
My kids are 21 and 19, they don't need a "daddy". I've been divorced for 8 years now. I never brought a man to my house until my youngest turned 18 because I didn't want them to feel like they had to compete for my attention. And even to this day no man ever moved in. I chose not to date anyone during their teenage years. My kids and my career were my focus.
Finally, I don't need a man to financially support me. I am very financially stable. I don't need a man for anything I can do my own work around the house and what I can't do, I can pay someone to do it. While I enjoy the company of men, I am very complete, whole and content without one.
First of all I don't stereotype, I am responding to everything you've shared, that you have already tried to deny saying and trying to show you what YOU are showing the Virgo. You are a pain in the ass plain and simple. You say he's playing games, when you are the initiator of games. Virgo males mimic bad behavior especially when you insult their intelligence and integrity. Bottom line, you had this relationship doomed from the beginning (your words), yet turn around and try to tell us you're confused. Knock off the bullshit already, figure out what it IS yo
... figure out what it IS you do want and let the Virgo know that without beating around the bush, with the "i'm gonna wait 30 minutes before I respond to his "I miss you" text, "i'm gonna make him wait days to tell him I love him back" bullshit. He'll get real when you do. One other thing that may be too much common sense for you...he works six days a week and lives 45 minutes from you. Clearly his work is a priority and if you expect him to drop everything in order to give you the attention you demand, you might really want to end this to end your confusion. No anger on my part hun, lol..don't know how that got pulled out of your ass. It's the no sugar coated truth. Deal with it.
Posted by LetltB
... figure out what it IS you do want and let the Virgo know that without beating around the bush, with the "i'm gonna wait 30 minutes before I respond to his "I miss you" text, "i'm gonna make him wait days to tell him I love him back" bullshit. He'll get real when you do. One other thing that may be too much common sense for you...he works six days a week and lives 45 minutes from you. Clearly his work is a priority and if you expect him to drop everything in order to give you the attention you demand, you might really want to end this to end your confusion. No anger on my part hun, lol..don't know how that got pulled out of your ass. It's the no sugar coated truth. Deal with it.
@LetItB, glad there is no anger. I can handle truth. And I can deal with it. That is nothing. Because I tend to speak just as bluntly.... except perhaps in this initial communication (my first post to this forum) because somewhere along the line I've must have not been clear in my attempt to do so.
I've never not responded to his text, (or anyone else's) for that matter. I am somewhat of a smart phone addict. I am always on it so I do respond to those who text me. What I did say, is that yes, I did wait one time 30 minutes to respond because 1) I didn't know if I wanted to respond with a question "why do you miss me, thus starting a conversation, or to drop it and just respond back likewise, and 2) I was annoyed that he sends that with no intent to do anything about it and that was after 4 days of no communication between us - because that particular week I decided to not initiate texts/calls with him first But, on that day I faltered and sent a "hi" first and he responded.
But I do respond to any text - unlike him, who if he is in the mood will not respond to texts I send.
I've never waited days to tell him I loved him. Those communications have always been reciprocated immediately (on both our parts) both verbally and via text.
I do get that his work is a priority. I work too. While I don't work as long per day as he does, I do stay busy during the week with after work activities. I don't expect him to drop work to come spoon feed me ice cream.
But what I do think is fair is to make the effort in the relationship, if you say you want it. And that is what he says he wants. He doesn't want me to leave him alone (his words). He doesn't want to part ways (st
continue: But what I do think is fair is to make the effort in the relationship, if you say you want it. And that is what he says he wants. He doesn't want me to leave him alone (his words). He doesn't want to part ways (stop with texting & calls) yet he does have moments where he goes silent and he no longer is making the effort for us to see each other at least weekly like he had been - I've even offered to drive to him. So for me, if you started off with effort, and no longer make effort, then I ask, do you even want to continue? (yes I have asked him that)
I get yes from him, but yes, with no applied effort. He says if he didn't want it, he would tell me but that he does and that he knows he is not treating me fairly that he wishes..... Those are his words.
Figure out what I want: I would welcome a relationship with him but as it is right now, until he can make time in his schedule for us to see each other, it is not a relationship. The reality of the situation is that it is what it is.
What I want: If I can learn about Virgo men and common traits and why they go silent, etc., it is better for me. I want to learn and understand about Virgo men. Because at the end of the day, if you would have asked me 4 months ago if I'd ever consider settling down and dating someone, I'd say "no way, I like being single."
He is the first guy I've met in the last 8 years that I'd consider changing my single status for. My friends were all shocked I admitted I would consider that because I am "miss independent" as they say. I do want to learn about virgo men because if I get the chance to spend time with him I would want to learn how/what works. Or if not and I ever meet another Virgo, I'd hope he is just as charming and authentic.
For example, I read on this forum that virgo men need to be lead... And so I wonder "How do you lead a virgo man?" and then I ask the question for my specific case - How could I lead him if we live far apart and schedules don't allow us to have much time - is it doable? Do I lead with words (and how, any examples?, or do virgo men not do well with long distance.etc. Do I give up and move on and maybe after July we can try again?
Despite my questions (and i have many) I am moving forward one day at a time with what is best for me. yes I have a thirst for understanding - I want to figure him out. But I also have a healthy balance for life. I go out on weekends and I am action oriented. I set goals and move towards them.
I get yes from him, but yes, with no applied effort. He says if he didn't want it, he would tell me but that he does and that he knows he is not treating me fairly that he wishes..... Those are his words.
Figure out what I want: I would welcome a relationship with him but as it is right now, until he can make time in his schedule for us to see each other, it is not a relationship. The reality of the situation is that it is what it is.
What I want: If I can learn about Virgo men and common traits and why they go silent, etc., it is better for me. I want to learn and understand about Virgo men. Because at the end of the day, if you would have asked me 4 months ago if I'd ever consider settling down and dating someone, I'd say "no way, I like being single."
He is the first guy I've met in the last 8 years that I'd consider changing my single status for. My friends were all shocked I admitted I would consider that because I am "miss independent" as they say. I do want to learn about virgo men because if I get the chance to spend time with him I would want to learn how/what works. Or if not and I ever meet another Virgo, I'd hope he is just as charming and authentic.
For example, I read on this forum that virgo men need to be lead... And so I wonder "How do you lead a virgo man?" and then I ask the question for my specific case - How could I lead him if we live far apart and schedules don't allow us to have much time - is it doable? Do I lead with words (and how, any examples?, or do virgo men not do well with long distance.etc. Do I give up and move on and maybe after July we can try again?
Despite my questions (and i have many) I am moving forward one day at a time with what is best for me. yes I have a thirst for understanding - I want to figure him out. But I also have a healthy balance for life. I go out on weekends and I am action oriented. I set goals and move towards them.
"We started off great. Were seeing each other once a week. This week marks week 4 of that stopping. He said things were going too fast, that he wanted to go with the flow, that he needed time to think, that he cared for me, that he is looking for a wife, that he doesn't want to keep dating, etc. "
Okay, I went back and read this because I believe it holds significance. You both went from one day a week to zero days, that's not a positive sign.
You set how much time you're going to give him to think, 5 weeks, 5 months. You decide how "time", giving him time looks for you so you can feel empowered by your choice to stick it out with him.
Let's look at the advantages and disadvantages for you and mixed messages.
Advantage: None
Disadvantage: You went from one day a week to zero days a week.
Mixed message: He's looking for a wife so his reaction was to downgrade the relationship to basically nothing but he cares for you.
"And I am not one to call first or rarely even text first. So I left him alone. 4 days later he sends me a text upset that he hasn't heard from me. Confused me. He then said that he didn't want me to stop contact with him. So we started texting again, but the phone calls became less and even his responses to a good morning text barely happened. At the end of our last conversation about the lack of attention he tells me I give up too soon and that he really does love me. 2 weeks ago"
So he's upset that you are not calling him after he downgraded you to spending zero days with you.
Advantage: You get some communication via text messaging, verbally stated he did not want to stop contact.
Disadvantage: Phone calls became less and even his response to a good morning text barely happened.
Mixed messages: Says to you, you give up too soon after communicating less and less. He loves you but does not take the initiative to communicate.
"Every text he sends has "baby" in it. He claims he misses me but doesn't make an effort to see me. He claims he loves me but doesn't do one thing to walk his talk. We live about 45 miles apart. he works 6 days a week, long hours. I work 5"
Advantage: He calls you baby, claims he misses you.
Disadvantage: He doesn't make an effort to see you.
Mixed Messages: He claims he loves you but doesn't do one thing to walk his talk.
Okay, I went back and read this because I believe it holds significance. You both went from one day a week to zero days, that's not a positive sign.
You set how much time you're going to give him to think, 5 weeks, 5 months. You decide how "time", giving him time looks for you so you can feel empowered by your choice to stick it out with him.
Let's look at the advantages and disadvantages for you and mixed messages.
Advantage: None
Disadvantage: You went from one day a week to zero days a week.
Mixed message: He's looking for a wife so his reaction was to downgrade the relationship to basically nothing but he cares for you.
"And I am not one to call first or rarely even text first. So I left him alone. 4 days later he sends me a text upset that he hasn't heard from me. Confused me. He then said that he didn't want me to stop contact with him. So we started texting again, but the phone calls became less and even his responses to a good morning text barely happened. At the end of our last conversation about the lack of attention he tells me I give up too soon and that he really does love me. 2 weeks ago"
So he's upset that you are not calling him after he downgraded you to spending zero days with you.
Advantage: You get some communication via text messaging, verbally stated he did not want to stop contact.
Disadvantage: Phone calls became less and even his response to a good morning text barely happened.
Mixed messages: Says to you, you give up too soon after communicating less and less. He loves you but does not take the initiative to communicate.
"Every text he sends has "baby" in it. He claims he misses me but doesn't make an effort to see me. He claims he loves me but doesn't do one thing to walk his talk. We live about 45 miles apart. he works 6 days a week, long hours. I work 5"
Advantage: He calls you baby, claims he misses you.
Disadvantage: He doesn't make an effort to see you.
Mixed Messages: He claims he loves you but doesn't do one thing to walk his talk.
"To me, I think in his eyes, that completes the communication for the day. I think he just wants a text girlfriend."
Advantage: none
Disadvantage: He want a text girlfriend.
Mixed messages: Barely communicates but will respond to you which appears he's available but he's really not available.
"Why does this man says he loves me and doesn't show it?"
Good question but the real question is. Why do you want to be with a man that says he loves you but doesn't show it?
"Is he a player? Is this a game to him? He says he is not but I've never been to his place, I've never been invited. I am kept separate from his life. etc"
At this point I don't think his questionable player status is all that important but what is important is you. Why would you be with a man that stopped spending time with you, barely communicates with you, keep you separate from his life? What's wrong with you? Are you desperate, needy, lonely?
"Well Friday night, a full moon and I finally said well, might as well let it all out. I gave him a humorous text about my age and not remembering what he said last (that he would call me afterwork)"
So basically you had to remind him to call you? Who does that?
"And I called him out every time he tried to change the subject, deflect, or agree with me."
So he lacks integrity? He is the kind of guy that changes the subject, deflect or just agree with you to get you off his back? Hello! If he does that he'll tell you anything to get you to shut up.
So let me get this straight, please correct if necessary. After 4 weeks of dating, you are already asking serious hard questions like "I asked him point blank what he wanted from me, where he saw this going, if". Don't do that again, if that is what you're doing when you meet a guy you're into b/c of course he'll back out on you, that's a natural response from a man.
So now you know he's all words. You're moving on right?
Advantage: none
Disadvantage: He want a text girlfriend.
Mixed messages: Barely communicates but will respond to you which appears he's available but he's really not available.
"Why does this man says he loves me and doesn't show it?"
Good question but the real question is. Why do you want to be with a man that says he loves you but doesn't show it?
"Is he a player? Is this a game to him? He says he is not but I've never been to his place, I've never been invited. I am kept separate from his life. etc"
At this point I don't think his questionable player status is all that important but what is important is you. Why would you be with a man that stopped spending time with you, barely communicates with you, keep you separate from his life? What's wrong with you? Are you desperate, needy, lonely?
"Well Friday night, a full moon and I finally said well, might as well let it all out. I gave him a humorous text about my age and not remembering what he said last (that he would call me afterwork)"
So basically you had to remind him to call you? Who does that?
"And I called him out every time he tried to change the subject, deflect, or agree with me."
So he lacks integrity? He is the kind of guy that changes the subject, deflect or just agree with you to get you off his back? Hello! If he does that he'll tell you anything to get you to shut up.
So let me get this straight, please correct if necessary. After 4 weeks of dating, you are already asking serious hard questions like "I asked him point blank what he wanted from me, where he saw this going, if". Don't do that again, if that is what you're doing when you meet a guy you're into b/c of course he'll back out on you, that's a natural response from a man.
So now you know he's all words. You're moving on right?
You stay single for 8 years only to pick a guy whose not that into you, least not enough to put forth any kind of effort. What's wrong with you?
If you fall in love that easily then clearly you still have some work to do on yourself. He fed you a few lines, backed out on you and left and you love him. Are you sure you loved him? Or did he fulfill a void which can actually make you blindly feel you love and need him. Think about that. What was missing in your life that he fulfilled? Your achilles heel is attributing love with a man fulfilling a need, it's a false reaction.
"For example, I read on this forum that virgo men need to be lead... And so I wonder "How do you lead a virgo man?" and then I ask the question for my specific case - How could I lead him if we live far apart and schedules don't allow us to have much time - is it doable? Do I lead with words (and how, any examples?, or do virgo men not do well with long distance.etc. Do I give up and move on and maybe after July we can try again?"
You lead him by being convenient, doing 99.99% of the relationship work which really just make women appear to be a desperate needy doormat but some women are okay with that if there is some kind of trade off.
So here is the nitty gritty of your situation with him. Lead means he will be the girl--use his feminine energy and you will be the boy--lead with your masculine energy.
You will do all the driving in the relationship. Which means he will do all the talking and you will do all the action. He will say I LOVE you and you will respond by putting in more and more effort. He will say I want you and you will demonstrate you want him by your actions, initiating calls, driving to see him.
He will continue if you be the boy in the dynamic, total investment on your part without the advantage of knowing where it's all going because remember you are the man--using your male energy, he's the passive feminine energy, he receives, you give. He is not comfortable being the aggressor so you will either be the aggressor or he won't budge, the agressor--you may feel taken for granted which is a natural reaction.
No effort on his part, you do it and he may or may not follow. Feminine energy will not care about your feelings getting hurt so there may be times you will feel taken for granted, it can sometimes be a thankless situation.
It's not jusst Virgo men doing this kind of behavior, men (a lot of them) are doing the exact same thing. They understan
If you fall in love that easily then clearly you still have some work to do on yourself. He fed you a few lines, backed out on you and left and you love him. Are you sure you loved him? Or did he fulfill a void which can actually make you blindly feel you love and need him. Think about that. What was missing in your life that he fulfilled? Your achilles heel is attributing love with a man fulfilling a need, it's a false reaction.
"For example, I read on this forum that virgo men need to be lead... And so I wonder "How do you lead a virgo man?" and then I ask the question for my specific case - How could I lead him if we live far apart and schedules don't allow us to have much time - is it doable? Do I lead with words (and how, any examples?, or do virgo men not do well with long distance.etc. Do I give up and move on and maybe after July we can try again?"
You lead him by being convenient, doing 99.99% of the relationship work which really just make women appear to be a desperate needy doormat but some women are okay with that if there is some kind of trade off.
So here is the nitty gritty of your situation with him. Lead means he will be the girl--use his feminine energy and you will be the boy--lead with your masculine energy.
You will do all the driving in the relationship. Which means he will do all the talking and you will do all the action. He will say I LOVE you and you will respond by putting in more and more effort. He will say I want you and you will demonstrate you want him by your actions, initiating calls, driving to see him.
He will continue if you be the boy in the dynamic, total investment on your part without the advantage of knowing where it's all going because remember you are the man--using your male energy, he's the passive feminine energy, he receives, you give. He is not comfortable being the aggressor so you will either be the aggressor or he won't budge, the agressor--you may feel taken for granted which is a natural reaction.
No effort on his part, you do it and he may or may not follow. Feminine energy will not care about your feelings getting hurt so there may be times you will feel taken for granted, it can sometimes be a thankless situation.
It's not jusst Virgo men doing this kind of behavior, men (a lot of them) are doing the exact same thing. They understan
It's not just Virgo men doing this kind of behavior, men (a lot of them) are doing the exact same thing. They understand the person putting in the most effort has less control and has a bigger disadvantage of loss and heartache which creates this dire need to not LOSE the person she's invested in.
@tiki33 thank you for the food for thought. I am going to print it out and think about it. Especially the question you asked about, "You stay single for 8 years only to pick a guy whose not that into you, least not enough to put forth any kind of effort. What's wrong with you?"
That question requires thought _ I need to answer that - at least for myself. My first thoughts are, "I don't know. I'm normally the one to not see the same guy after date one or two. I am the one that is usually backing off and running away." I wasn't looking for him when we met, it just happened. I am going to think about that some more.
I for sure don't want to take on the male energy. I am already a tomboy as it is. And I have a natural "take charge" personality. I do not want to take care (or take on) anyone else - my two kids are enough.
Not sure why I fell for him. Will think on that too.
Yes, moving on. Leaving for vacation Wednesday. Back next week. I am talking to other men. Haven't gone on another dates yet. Was suppose too Sunday but had a mix up in communications with the guy.
That question requires thought _ I need to answer that - at least for myself. My first thoughts are, "I don't know. I'm normally the one to not see the same guy after date one or two. I am the one that is usually backing off and running away." I wasn't looking for him when we met, it just happened. I am going to think about that some more.
I for sure don't want to take on the male energy. I am already a tomboy as it is. And I have a natural "take charge" personality. I do not want to take care (or take on) anyone else - my two kids are enough.
Not sure why I fell for him. Will think on that too.
Yes, moving on. Leaving for vacation Wednesday. Back next week. I am talking to other men. Haven't gone on another dates yet. Was suppose too Sunday but had a mix up in communications with the guy.
@tiki33
I am back from vacation. It was much needed. A lot happened with the virgo man during the vacation oddly enough.
First, let me say I did give a lot of thought to the questions you asked. Why was I wanting this guy? I think the answer to that is in what he represented to me.
He was the first guy who took away all the excuses I had for not wanting to get involved with a guy. For example, a few guys I dated previously in no order;
B - he had a theory that the devil was good and God was bad and had a tattoo of Satan on his body. He asked me to date him seriously on our first date, said he expected me to spend time with him on his days off. (all of them) - he got upset at week one because I was not with him at his place on his day off (I was at gym)he drank everyday - not stumbling drunk but whiskey every day. He had some metro/feminine qualities that was a huge turn off. I felt he would suffocate me in a relationship with him. I told him no way jokingly on date one and 2 - by 3 we were done.
T - he wanted a girlfriend and to me it seemed any would do - and he picked me. We went out twice. The 3rd week he called me at 1230 am and TOLD me to pick him up from work. Like I would run out. I told him I didn't want to date anyone. (I didn't at that time) He was fun to go out with, drink with, but he didn't know more or took the time to know me. I never would consider dating him - it just didn't feel right. And I felt like he was looking for a person, any person would do and didn't care to get to know me.
J - J took time getting to know me - many months over emails/messages and texts. J was soft spoken, non threatening, and has the best body of any man I ever date - 18 in arms and 6 pack abs etc. He was beautiful to look at and touch. Our relationship progressed "normally" and naturally over 5 months before he ever came to my place. And then it moved just as slow. I knew from the start he wasn't the one for me - but I felt like I wouldn't lose myself in dating him. And we both like working out so we had that in common. Being around him made me eat better.
I knew he wasn't one to get involved seriously with because he barely worked and seemed to like a woman to take care of him. I didn't support him but I did buy many meals going out to eat.
His lying got to me. I ended things with him. I wanted to for months (when I go back to read my journals) but he was so nice I didn't want to be the bad guy.
R- Fun guy, sexy and ...
I am back from vacation. It was much needed. A lot happened with the virgo man during the vacation oddly enough.
First, let me say I did give a lot of thought to the questions you asked. Why was I wanting this guy? I think the answer to that is in what he represented to me.
He was the first guy who took away all the excuses I had for not wanting to get involved with a guy. For example, a few guys I dated previously in no order;
B - he had a theory that the devil was good and God was bad and had a tattoo of Satan on his body. He asked me to date him seriously on our first date, said he expected me to spend time with him on his days off. (all of them) - he got upset at week one because I was not with him at his place on his day off (I was at gym)he drank everyday - not stumbling drunk but whiskey every day. He had some metro/feminine qualities that was a huge turn off. I felt he would suffocate me in a relationship with him. I told him no way jokingly on date one and 2 - by 3 we were done.
T - he wanted a girlfriend and to me it seemed any would do - and he picked me. We went out twice. The 3rd week he called me at 1230 am and TOLD me to pick him up from work. Like I would run out. I told him I didn't want to date anyone. (I didn't at that time) He was fun to go out with, drink with, but he didn't know more or took the time to know me. I never would consider dating him - it just didn't feel right. And I felt like he was looking for a person, any person would do and didn't care to get to know me.
J - J took time getting to know me - many months over emails/messages and texts. J was soft spoken, non threatening, and has the best body of any man I ever date - 18 in arms and 6 pack abs etc. He was beautiful to look at and touch. Our relationship progressed "normally" and naturally over 5 months before he ever came to my place. And then it moved just as slow. I knew from the start he wasn't the one for me - but I felt like I wouldn't lose myself in dating him. And we both like working out so we had that in common. Being around him made me eat better.
I knew he wasn't one to get involved seriously with because he barely worked and seemed to like a woman to take care of him. I didn't support him but I did buy many meals going out to eat.
His lying got to me. I ended things with him. I wanted to for months (when I go back to read my journals) but he was so nice I didn't want to be the bad guy.
R- Fun guy, sexy and ...
R - would love to have him in bed everyday. He was the only man that challenged me mentally. We verbally spared just for the sport of it. We are still friends. I have fun with him. But he has a gambling addiction and I have a son who also has a gambling addiction - same personality somewhat - (oddly both Aquarius) Neither of us want anything serious. I felt like he would wear me down for money if our relationship moved to dating.
So I guess no guy seemed right till the virgo guy. There wasn't anything about him that sent up a red flag. And I felt/feel like I wouldn't lose myself if I dated him -- I felt the opposite. I felt like with him I could blossom in my own way. Not that I need a man too - just that I didn't feel like I would be giving up anything to date him.
With the others it felt like I would be giving up something - whether my time, money, interests, etc.
I suppose that is why I wanted things to work out. and what was wrong with me is that I saw that about me if I was with him and I wanted that. Dating or relationships were not scary words I always ran from when I was with him.
**********
So update on the virgo guy. The day before I left for vacation he called me. I was not my perky self. I chatted but he easily sensed something was wrong. What was wrong is that I put him in "all he will be is a friend bucket" a few days prior and he happened to call when I was thinking about some sad news happening in my family. I was feeling down. I didn't share was was up, nor did I chat long. I ended the conversation before he could. I didn't share I was leaving the next day. That next day he asked if he could see me - I told him either he had forgotten I told him 2 weeks prior I was leaving or he was being cruel to ask when he knew I was gone. I told him where I was and that got him chasing me more. For the whole 6 days I've been gone he's been texting and calling, and he made plans to see me when I got back. I got back yesterday. He came over after work - his suggestion. I didn't ask or encourage.
What got into him I don't know. Maybe he sensed I moved on. We talked most of the night. He said there is no one else, that he considered us a couple this whole time -that he was just busy and dealing with family. That he knows he needs to treat me better, that he's not going anywhere until I decide to end things. I'm proceeding with me first. I want to know if he will go back to disappearing or if he will be consistent.
So I guess no guy seemed right till the virgo guy. There wasn't anything about him that sent up a red flag. And I felt/feel like I wouldn't lose myself if I dated him -- I felt the opposite. I felt like with him I could blossom in my own way. Not that I need a man too - just that I didn't feel like I would be giving up anything to date him.
With the others it felt like I would be giving up something - whether my time, money, interests, etc.
I suppose that is why I wanted things to work out. and what was wrong with me is that I saw that about me if I was with him and I wanted that. Dating or relationships were not scary words I always ran from when I was with him.
**********
So update on the virgo guy. The day before I left for vacation he called me. I was not my perky self. I chatted but he easily sensed something was wrong. What was wrong is that I put him in "all he will be is a friend bucket" a few days prior and he happened to call when I was thinking about some sad news happening in my family. I was feeling down. I didn't share was was up, nor did I chat long. I ended the conversation before he could. I didn't share I was leaving the next day. That next day he asked if he could see me - I told him either he had forgotten I told him 2 weeks prior I was leaving or he was being cruel to ask when he knew I was gone. I told him where I was and that got him chasing me more. For the whole 6 days I've been gone he's been texting and calling, and he made plans to see me when I got back. I got back yesterday. He came over after work - his suggestion. I didn't ask or encourage.
What got into him I don't know. Maybe he sensed I moved on. We talked most of the night. He said there is no one else, that he considered us a couple this whole time -that he was just busy and dealing with family. That he knows he needs to treat me better, that he's not going anywhere until I decide to end things. I'm proceeding with me first. I want to know if he will go back to disappearing or if he will be consistent.
Posted by ChrisNews
What got into him I don't know. Maybe he sensed I moved on.
When that happens, they will seek you out to get reassurance that you're still available to them. I believe you're being too available for him, & you're not giving him enough resistance, & that gives him enough to take you for granted. If this does persist, you'd have to go NC on him for a while until he proves himself to you, that he WILL be with you. Not wish or hope.
Posted by ChrisNews
I want to know if he will go back to disappearing or if he will be consistent.click to expand
Nope. He will go back to disappearing. Rinse, repeat...rinse, repeat. Men hear ACTION, not words & if you keep allowing him to come & go whenever he damn well pleases, it won't ever change. You don't allow him to reap the consequences of his bad behavior, but instead reward them.
Posted by ChrisNews
So update on the virgo guy. The day before I left for vacation he called me. I was not my perky self. I chatted but he easily sensed something was wrong. What was wrong is that I put him in "all he will be is a friend bucket" a few days prior and he happened to call when I was thinking about some sad news happening in my family. I was feeling down. I didn't share was was up, nor did I chat long. I ended the conversation before he could. I didn't share I was leaving the next day. That next day he asked if he could see me - I told him either he had forgotten I told him 2 weeks prior I was leaving or he was being cruel to ask when he knew I was gone. I told him where I was and that got him chasing me more. For the whole 6 days I've been gone he's been texting and calling, and he made plans to see me when I got back. I got back yesterday. He came over after work - his suggestion. I didn't ask or encourage.
What got into him I don't know. Maybe he sensed I moved on. We talked most of the night. He said there is no one else, that he considered us a couple this whole time -that he was just busy and dealing with family. That he knows he needs to treat me better, that he's not going anywhere until I decide to end things. I'm proceeding with me first. I want to know if he will go back to disappearing or if he will be consistent.
Well, that doesn't make a lot of sense. I respect the fact that you finally recognize you need to figure yourself out first and proceeding with that and it's much needed. Throwing him in the background and testing his integrity again while you are working on yourself isn't very fair is it? Why not end the damn thing, fix yourself first and then try again when YOU are ready?? To see if he's gonna disappear or be consistent? Makes no sense at all...none. The only thing that does make sense is you are looking for another confirmation as to why you shouldn't be with this guy, and this entire thread already addressed that.
Nope. He will go back to disappearing. Rinse, repeat...rinse, repeat. Men hear ACTION, not words & if you keep allowing him to come & go whenever he damn well pleases, it won't ever change. You don't allow him to reap the consequences of his bad behavior, but instead reward them.
@Realtalk It has almost been two weeks since I've been back. And so far he managed to reach out to me every day. Some days I have been the one to say "whats up" but he has responded. There was one day where I didn't talk to him all day but he managed to call me at 1130 that night to say he was bothered by it. he said, "you not wasting any time, you just walking away" I told him I am not going to chase him. And he made sure to call me the next morning and stay connected. Another day he called at 4 am - he was awake and thinking he said even though we had talked earlier.
I agree men hear actions and that I am not allowing him to reap the consequences. I do let him get away with a lot. I suppose there is a part of me that doesn't want the drama and the goodbye emotional toll that I could let my emotional, creative cancer side take me on. I'd rather walk away.. still curious but pulled back.
But so far he is showing up. We had a good date this past week. He talked. He shared. I finally met his son and even his mother. And he is still talking as if we've been a couple this past 3 months. lol. Go figure - wish I'd known. I learned he has a horrible memory, and he is charming when full of energy.
And at moment my life has a lot of big transitional events happening, (a move, a death in family, family matters etc.) so perhaps a slowing moving relationship is good for me.
If he goes back to disappearing, he goes. At moment I have enough on my plate.
Posted by Shine08
@ChrisNews
Hi Chris News, I have to ask after reading your story, as I am going thru the same situation with a man with the same birth date. Is he a 40y/o man...first initial "C" ? If not, there are more than one of those types. 😢
Hi Shine08 First initial is C but no, not 40.
I once dated a guy who lied about his age - said hew as 11 years younger than he actually was.
Here is one for weird.
After my divorce (what feels like a lifetime ago) the first man I went on a date with had the exact same birthday, and year as my ex.
It was too weird.
they were nothing alike at all.
Then I went out with another man with the same birthday but his year was different. That made me ask about a person bday early on. It became too weird that all I attracted were men with the same birthday.
7 years later that first guy I went out with is still my friend. He is probably the only man that knows me the best. We only had that one date - it was a date from hell thanks to my brothers. We have never seen each other since, and we even had periods of time where we have not texted. But still he knows me better than any man. I can talk to him about everything, and do. He knows about every man I've gone out with - he knows about my frustration with this current virgo. He knows when I am down, when I am ok with just texting and when to call cause he "can tell I need him" he says. He knows me.
We would never make it as a couple - thus neither of us have pursued. But yet he is a part of my life . He grounds me, he gives me the male perspective, he listens. We can go weeks without chatting but when we do, we catch up.
Hello everyone, I'm a virgo, friends with a virguy and all I can say is...wow.. the similarities between these guys is just too much! Lol. My story is a little different from you ladies. For one I think I have a pretty good idea why my friend is inconsistent. Two, we have been friends/dating (not even sure what to call it) for the past 4 yrs. June 22 2009 is when he and I met. You guys know the whole routine, I don't even need to repeat it. Sweet, charming, consistent in the beginning, without minimal periods of disappearing. Actually, he remained sweet and charming from day one till now.. My only qualm was him not being around when he knew I was coming to his town (we had a long distance friendship), which I read him his rights on several times. I not only told him he couldn't take my time for granted, I immediately put a pause on our contact, whether it be via text or in person.
Anyway, the reason why I'm writing here today is because I just HAD to add to the conversation since I had so much in common with you ladies, and also to add that I truly feel that this is just how they are (disappearing acts, etc.). Either you accept him for who he is or you leave. As a virgo, I tend to try to make it up to friends/lovers when I mess up. I go all out, constant coummunication, gifts, you name. Guilt is a horrible emotion! So will he disappear again? Sure. My friend for 4 YEARS has disappeared for a long stretch this time - I think its about a month, or maybe almost a month. I also have not tried to reach out simply because he hasn't responded to my last two text messages. The first 1 I think I was just reaching out to say hello. The 2nd he didn't respond to was one where he sent me a text by mistake to which I replied: "wrong person honey, did u need something?" I can't remember if that's exactly what I wrote but it was along those lines. So since then, nothing....radio silence. So yeah, I will be silent as well. He'll be back. Just not sure I'll be as receptive to entertaining a wishy washy friendship. Life is too short and my time is valuable, sorry.
Oh and he is 39, sept virgo, initials are A or D and last name is E.
I think this is such a small world, we HAD to come across the same virguy at some point, LOL!!
Anyway, the reason why I'm writing here today is because I just HAD to add to the conversation since I had so much in common with you ladies, and also to add that I truly feel that this is just how they are (disappearing acts, etc.). Either you accept him for who he is or you leave. As a virgo, I tend to try to make it up to friends/lovers when I mess up. I go all out, constant coummunication, gifts, you name. Guilt is a horrible emotion! So will he disappear again? Sure. My friend for 4 YEARS has disappeared for a long stretch this time - I think its about a month, or maybe almost a month. I also have not tried to reach out simply because he hasn't responded to my last two text messages. The first 1 I think I was just reaching out to say hello. The 2nd he didn't respond to was one where he sent me a text by mistake to which I replied: "wrong person honey, did u need something?" I can't remember if that's exactly what I wrote but it was along those lines. So since then, nothing....radio silence. So yeah, I will be silent as well. He'll be back. Just not sure I'll be as receptive to entertaining a wishy washy friendship. Life is too short and my time is valuable, sorry.
Oh and he is 39, sept virgo, initials are A or D and last name is E.
I think this is such a small world, we HAD to come across the same virguy at some point, LOL!!
Posted by Shine08
Has he ever stood you up for a date? Made plans and never showed, then went silent. That has just recently happened with mine. I don't understand when just the day before we had a normal conversation.
Nope not same guy - this one from MI.
Yes he stood me up one time. Our second date. It was a Saturday. I went NC after that. He reached out Tuesday morning with a phone call because he hadn't heard from me. He expected me to call him to vent I guess.
I told him I said bye too him late Saturday night. He shared he had some family drama. I said no excuses he could have sent a text.
He asked me if I wanted to be done with him. I said there is no point being with a man who can't walk his talk. He showed up the next night to take me to dinner. And he has never stood me up since.
I really was done with him after that second date. It was a conversation I had with my male friend who told me I should give him a second chance, that maybe something really did come up. lol later I blamed him because I really would have moved on.
It can drive a person nutty wondering why. That is the part I hate.
Posted by ChrisNews
And I am not one to call first or rarely even text first. So I left him alone. 4 days later he sends me a text upset that he hasn't heard from me. Confused me. He then said that he didn't want me to stop contact with him. So we started texting again, but the phone calls became less and even his responses to a good morning text barely happened. At the end of our last conversation about the lack of attention he tells me I give up too soon and that he really does love me. 2 weeks ago
I am now in curious mode. I want to know how little is enough for this man. I know I am not content with one text a day and no phone calls and no visits. He seems to be.
I hate it when women use the word confused to mean that the man isn't performing according to her manipulation.
It's Cancers ... the pattern is obvious
WAIT! You guys...I lied! I'll always be friends with my virguy. I'm so attracted to him that I can't imagine never being intimate with him again. Our chemistry is insane! He is my favorite...in that way, lol! I am dichmatized!!!! Its pretty pathetic, actually... the last time I saw him he gave me the kis of death! A freaking forhead kiss!! YIKES!
I guess his disappearing acts don't hurt me. Like, I don't feel so offended to never see/speak/sleep with him again. LOL.
I guess his disappearing acts don't hurt me. Like, I don't feel so offended to never see/speak/sleep with him again. LOL.
Oh and CrisNews, my friend backed off a bit when I told him we should contact eachother every week and motivate eachother when working out. I want a flatter tummy and he wants to lose 10 lbs. So yeah, I think the thought of communicating every week was too committal for him. But I'm glad to hear your guy has straightened up his act so far.
I hate it when women use the word confused to mean that the man isn't performing according to her manipulation.
He confused me because I thought he wanted to be left alone and he didn't. I know him a bit more now than I did when I first posted that. He never wanted to stop connecting.
Posted by Shine08
@ChrisNews
From your experiences...with Virgos..do you think my guy will make contact with me? after pulling such a stunt...a second time. I'd love your input. Your situation sounds so exact to mine, and yours seems to be working out much better now.
@Shine08 good question. I don't know. I know how this guy feels about me. I know that when we do get the chance to be together, there is no tension, no distance in feelings/emotions between us. It is an instant pull towards each other. I know that when intimate he considers himself mine.. I know that when he looks at me, there is happiness in his eyes. I know that he has never been the one to doubt us. He has told me on several occasions that he isn't going anywhere and that if he didn't want to be with me he would have told me straight up - that he wouldn't lead me on. He tells me he loves me often.
But he can go days with no communication. And I hate that. So far the last 2 weeks he hasn't. But I think we did get over some hurdles and at least for me, I learned more about him. Yet, I do need more than talk with no action. I did share that with him too. He is learning about me too I suppose.
I did learn here in this forum that you should initiate occasionally and that Virgo's need to be lead (P-Advice comments ). And I did that but not every day. Just a hi or what up. And nothing more. If I got a hi back. I didn't try another text.
OOPS! I meant "P-Angel" advice not P-Advice 🙂
I guess his disappearing acts don't hurt me. Like, I don't feel so offended to never see/speak/sleep with him again. LOL.
@VirgoRules that is a good position to be in!
he told me the same, if it ever ended, I would be the one to do it.
If he told you that, then ride it out if you can, would be my suggestion.
I know myself - if I end things, I might take it back, but if a guy ended things with me, I would go into my cancer shell and never come out to him again.
I don't think I am good at this at all, but thanks.
I just know that from the first date with him there was such a connection with this man, it felt like so natural. There are never been any nervousness, awkwardness when we are together. It feels so natural. And for me, that's what makes this guy different. Any other guy, I'd be gone after date 1 or 2.
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Every text he sends has "baby" in it. He claims he misses me but doesn't make an effort to see me. He claims he loves me but doesn't do one thing to walk his talk. We live about 45 miles apart. he works 6 days a week, long hours. I work 5
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