2 aquarians

Im new here... Ive only dated one aquarian in my life and it was a casual/hanging otu type deal. We broke up cuz we wanted different things. We still talk now/then. Anyways, now I'm starting to hang out w/ another one - and this one is different. Very strng feelings. scary.

Does anyone else have relationship dynamics on an aquarian rs— i know most of the compatibility reports ive read w/ 2 aquarians that we are compatible signs... but just wondering from people....

I saw a lot of posts regarding the committment/trust issues with aquarians. Aquarians committ and trust when they believe you have shown you are worthy. This isn't meant in a condescending manner - but we really hold honesty/trust/loyalty as truths in our lives. It takes us awhile to let you in - but when we do, we are there by your side for the rest of your life if you let us. WE have to believe that we can trust you for a long-term amt of time, not just tomorrow or the next day. Why waste the energy on someone who'll betray you?

Anyways, I thought that may help some people who are wondering why we're so distant and cold. The aloof characteristic, gosh I dont think I'll ever outgrow that one. I ve just learned to embrace it within myself and if somene can't deal with it, too bad!

I could write alot of negative things about your behaviours as an Aquarians, but that would be too much. And when it too much, I know when to stop. Anyway, I want to ask you a question:

Do you beleive that being aloof is some sort of emotional insecurity? Because this is how it looks to me so far.

Where did I say that all aquas are insecure? All I've said is that this is how it looks so far, which means that this is what it seems so far based on my personal experience. It doesn't meant that all of them like that. I've said "so far" not "always".

Sorry...

I don't know many Aqua's personally & the one's I dated were very affectionate...Not really aloof. But they did need their space. Then again it was never serious with either of them. SO...

Cancerlady

I think everything has a reason. Just saying that aloofness is Aquarians trait isn't an answer with a reason.

Ummm some aquarians are sometimes detached to people, some can be affectionate always try to remain positive,in terms of relationship some although they have boyfriends will go and explorreeeeee,(hint hint,wink wink)sexually that is.

It looks like they don't know that they do wrong. And they don't have behavioural-proof mechanism. They assume things in one way, but they don't think about assuring themselves about it first. This is some sort of bluntness.

You didn't give me any reason. You just cut the answer by saying "this is our trait". This is not an answer. I need reason. Of course you may not answer.

If you aren't aloof then you can't give me an answer.

You didn't ever asked them why they find you aloof aren't you?

Fuk it.

Aquella wrote:

"People always tell me that I'm too aloof, cold, and distant."

Did you ever asked them why they think that you are aloof? Yes? No?

If you need a worded reason as an example but not aqua.Here's one persons reason for aloftness,I find peoples whining to be petty and repeated dejavu so I don't acknowledge it as to they will leave me alone.It's real topics that catch my interest not "my boyfriend left me last night" same old,same old crap,it has to be interesting.As well as I will usually have things going on upstairs that's a bit more important than being nice.Also not out to win people over,I don't need exceptance for something im not so whats the point in being loud and annoying to fit in.Private time is for sanity and peace of mind purposes.Will that help at least one of you?

Tia:

Thanks. Yes that answered my question. The thing that I understood from your answer is people who is aloof is actually don't care about you. They think that being civilised towards that particualr person is less important than doing own things.

Actually those people may not even deserve friends. Friendship needs sharing. Sometimes you can face whining people in frienship. You simply can't erase those people whinings based on your previous experiences. When you say "Oh this one starts to whine, It's going to be like it was before, I've better start doing my own things" you better forget about those people. You can't gain their trust and worth in their eyes. You don't deserve them. As benefit of behaviours of yours to them, you may gain people who will point out your weak sides. This is what people worth to be with. Not dismiss them like that.

Let's face one fact. Humans are emotional beings. THEY WILL WHINE no matter man or woman at some point. Dismissing feelings of people is similair to wish to live with robots.

Also when people do understand that you hide your opinions from them (which is quite easy to understand) then understand that you feel no worth about them.

First,don't lecture me about friends and relationships,im sorta kinda alot more experianced in those departments.If these people in question gave a rats ass about other people,they wouldn't want to drown them as well in thier negativity and dramatising everything into being bigger than it really is,friends are for having fun too.I give sympathy where it's deserved not to attention seeking,insecure leaches.If they were honestly looking for help they wouldn't accuse you of being cruel or ignore it when you do give an opinion.So what does that say=they don't care about your worth.A real friend will tell you your weaknesses and how to help yourself rather than lieing to you as well as except it from you,thats compromising and growing.It's two way street.If they can't except truth and helping themselves than no they aren't worth MY time and haven't done anything to gain it or trust from me.Besides your making assumptions that are WAY off anyways.And ah,oh yeah,some people do need to be left in thier own self pity and sorrow to help them out of it.If you stay with those people they will take you down with them,theres more to life than just the bad sh-t and some people will never find that out.Some people can't be helped.

Turning the topic into personal attack Tia? I never expected from you anything like that. I didn't mean any personal attack on you above. But under these circumstances I will leave the conversation with you.

Ummm...Haffo sweetie, is it possible that you may be "judging" Tia? and what is with saying.."I never expected from you anything like that." She is who she is and one can not expect anything from anyone...why do you have "expectations" of her? what then happens is, your so called "expectation" was NOT met so you begin to judge her words instead of ACCEPTING her for the person she is. Her thoughts are valid just as yours are...

All of the peoples on this board are like flowers in a garden...each flower is unique do to the enviroment where it has bloomed. Some flowers had more sunshine than others, some had more water, some grow in sun - others grow in the shade...whatever the circumstances, each flower is beautiful in it's own way.

I never meant that Tia do wrong with people. NEVER. I don't know why she get like that. I just told that people who act aloof may not deserve friends. What does it have with Tia— I didn't told something like "Hey Tia you are aloof and that why you don't deserve friends". Where did you saw something like that? I was speaking about people not Tia. Tia just gave an example and I've expressed my opinion. Do I deserve personal attack by speaking my opinion—?

As for "expectations". I didnt expect Tia to act that low. It's not nice for her type of person. I didn't expect her to lower her self respect on that level. If she want go that way, this is her choose.

Whatever differences are between people, it never gives them right to do personal attacks. They are rightefull only when they express their opinions. Opinions are opinions. Nothing more. Remember how did you define that? Words are words and nothing more. Same like opinions. Opinions are opinions and nothing more. But when personal attack kicks in, well then everything ends...

Haffo, I do not see where Tia personally attacked you...could it be that perhaps you are perceiving it as such? I see that she was just expressing her thoughts about friendship and what is important to her...that's all.

Why don't you ask Tia if she was personally attacking you? that truly is the best way to know anything instead of assuming....

see what she says....

"First,don't lecture me about friends and relationships,im sorta kinda alot more experianced in those departments."

That one. The for of speech is uncivilised. It carries the message "Hey shut up I am superiour to you". She could do something like that "Haffo, I've read your post but I think I am more experienced in that matter". As you see it has same end. But first one carries hurtfull form and the last one civilised and opinion targeting form. The last one doesn't target person.

Ah...I see. In that statement of hers you are perceiving it that way from your experience in life. My point is, each one of us will express our thoughts, concerns, hurts, love in the best way that we know in that moment. The true test of each one of us when a situation like this arises is....can you find it within to accept her for her? Let her express her thoughts in her way...they are neither right or wrong until......get this, someones mind makes it so. You have decided that she was wrong in the way she chose to express herself...this then creates discombobulations among us humans. This can be a lesson for compassion and forgiveness....

Actually there is another side of the medallion. I may be speaking early because she still have a time (because of distance) to express herself in the way that I am wrong about thinking her behaviours as personal attack towards me. If she will do that, then I will think about possibility of my mistake. But if she's not, then that means that she "approves" the way I "desided" about her behaviours towards me. If she really cares what I opinion do I have for her in my eyes, then she will contront with it. If not then she thinks that I don't worth for answer, because I accuse her for something, she leaves battlefield without defending herself = I'm right (probably). But the main point she don't care about what I think about her. This also means that the way she talked to me (personal attack) has same cereless approach as it was in the start as its now. The situation proves it rightness by itself.

As the accepting her behaviour the way she speaks about herself. Actually not using hurtfull "tone" in the discussions is universal rule. I don't actually have to accept her behaviours. This is she who should think about what she says. As it says "The ball is in your hands; you either keep it or pass it to me". So, everyting is in her control.

The power of reassurance shows itself here.

This way of action of me is actually the best way of knowing what the person truly thinks about you without thinking the way he/she replied to you. Whatever tone she/he used, the truth will show itself. They either try to give you proper perspective or they give you nothing and leave you with your preconceptions which proves that they don't care about you.

Things and people are not always as they appear to be.....

Of course.

Preconcieved notions and negative suspicions are the worst way to approach people.Easy enough,you should know by now I don't like that and insults my priciples.I wasn't online.If you expect people to react/act like you do or want them to be in a even situation it leaves little room for the real truth.Anyone after getting accused of being this and that is finally going to say "think what you want"and go about thier own buisness because your not giving them anything to want to be there.Friends shouldn't have to be judged and deal with unneeded critism because they aren't like you,you except them for being them.Critism and judgements come into play when you see them messing themselves up or hurting themselves in one way or another and you want to help them.Telling them "hey chill out,your making an ass out of yourself" is okay,your a bad person because your not like this or that isn't because it's not them,they shouldn't have to act like thier something thier not.Would you like to be around someone who always thinks of you negatively?No.Avoid negative suspicions and you will learn more about what's below the surface,yeah,you can say your right about this person,but there's the catch you didn't try to understand them to find out if it was a fact,passing a judgement without thinking a little deeper that there may be good in them doesn't count as fact.That personal attack thing goes two ways,telling someone thier not worth this and that because they don't fit into what you think they should.Words are words because some seems to not let it get to them doesn't mean thier cold,in fact it's listening to them which speaks louder than talking to them.

Words of Wisdom~

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots,
each hung on the ends of a pole which she
carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the
other pot was perfect and always delivered
a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream
to the house, the cracked pot arrived only
half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with
the woman bringing home only one and a
half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of
its own imperfection, and miserable that it
could only do half of what it had been made
to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter
failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the
stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this
crack in my side causes water to leak
out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice
that there are flowers on your side of the
path, but not on the other pot's side?

"That's because I have always known about
your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your
side of the path, and every day while we
walk back, you water them. For two years
I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers
to decorate the table.

"Without you being just the way you are, there
would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw.

But it's the cracks and flaws we each have
that make our lives together so very interesting
and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what
they are and look for the good in them.

Aloftness-rising above emotions,emotions are negative and clouds vision.They don't get you anywhere,if you want people to suffer with you you are being selfesh and wishing pain on others.Yeah,someones dad dies,kids sick,sympathy is deserving.People who knowingly put themselves into situations with little concern to listen and little concern to help themselves have little feelings for you.Number one reason suicide is the most selfesh way to go,because your only concerned with yourself and your own pain and don't care about your family and friends feelings.Aloftness has a good intention because it's detached from the mundane chaos.Therefore when something is spoken from aloftness it's clearer and more helpfull.Some people don't like it because they have to help themselves and won't be carried out of it.They have to gain strength themselves,they gotta be willing to let go themselves to move on from it,noone can pound being happy into you if your not willing.Theres more important things to worry about than your feelings being hurt,it could be alot worse than your making it out to be.Theres a good reason for everything that doesn't have anything to do with something negative or insensitive.

Oh,by the way for your aquarius cousin.It may be because there's alot he doesn't want to tell you,respect his right to privacy.There could be alot of other things going on that doesn't mean it's his fault.Aloftness is usually because people have dealt with alot and don't want to sit there and fight,complain,etc. over it because they have learned that when something really bad happens all that trivial stuff doesn't matter as much.Kinda like when you spend all your time being angry at someone then they die(example) it doesn't matter and you wish you would have controlled your temper to spend more time with them.

Tia and Freebird:

You both have point(s). I will express myself differently. Thank you both.

Tia,

I agree totally with you. We all have our moments of clarity and when we talk to people that just don't want to take care of themselves, I feel like I'm wasting my time. I know it may seem cold to some, but I feel like you do, if they've put themselves in that situation, especially if it happens again and again, then pull yourself out. What are friends for but to help them out that way? That's my opinion.

mindy

Thanks haffo,maybe this whole thing should tell me to stop being as blunt too.Nice,nice,nice,nice gotta work on that.

🙂 🙂 🙂

And all is well in DXP Land!!!!!!!