Aquarius friend question - is my friendship with her now over?

Guys, i think i messed up.

I have (or had) this Aquarius friend girl We met around 4 years ago, and I'm not sure if i had a chance or not with her as more than friends, maybe right at the start i did, but she was seeing lots of different guys and it never happened. We would go to restaurants, and the table staff would recognise her and mention things like I was the different guy to last week or something.

We went away for new years eve for vacation together and did some other things. She was always secretive about seeing guys. So i think I never said anything to let her know i wanted more, I guess I wasn't sure on the situation. Whatever it was. We used to sleep in the same bed, but never sex.

Then around 2.5 years ago I moved away for business, for work. I kept in touch with her. I saw that she was seeing a guy, and I asked her but she said no. We argued about it because I asked why she didn't just say, but carried on messaging. She even moved in with him, I know cos a mutual friend told me.

Eventually however we stopped messaging each other. We stopped talking for 4 months. I was fine with this.

She started messaging me again after these 4 months. She told me her dad had died and she needed someone to talk to, we started talking on the phone a lot more. She was so different now that her dad had died, she used to always be a bit of a gold digger, but she had changed, I couldn't tell you how exactly. She was just more mature.

She also needed a place to stay, so i let her use my apartment at home, while i was away. She paid rent which was good for me. I sort of knew she had a boyfriend, but she never mentioned it, and because we argued about it before about it, i never asked her.

Last xmas i went home and I saw her. I thought we would just have a casual dinner as friends, and we did. But we ended up in bed together like we used to, but no sex. she was naked though. Anyway, i feel like this messed me up a bit. It was not just the one time either, it happened on 3 different nights. I didn't know if she had a. boyfriend, or they were on a break, or what exactly. We also spent a lot of time together, and she was always so happy to see me. We laughed a lot too. After a month in my home town, I had to go back to working away. We kept talking on the phone.

Then around 1 month ago she moved out of my place and into her "friend's place".. i sort of knew she meant boyfriend. `She just always called him "a friend".

I don't know why, but i was so sick of work and i hadn't been on vacation in so long. I was dating someone a few weeks ago, but it all ended. I never told my Aquarius friend about her. I decided it would be good for me to go on vacation at xmas time. I told my friend about where i wanted to go etc. and she said it sounded amazing.

So i asked her if she wanted to come with me.. I thought if she had a boyfriend and it was serious, then she would just say no.

However, she said yes, she said we could go on vacation together. So I started looking at places and hotels. A week passed by, and I messaged her saying I was booking "X" hotel.. and asked her what she thought.

She replied and said she had to be honest, and that she has being seeing a guy now for quite some time.

I was in shock. I know it's just a basic thing to say, but she'd never said it before in 4 years. I just thought it must be serious now. It was the first time she ever said anything like this.

Then she went on to say something like "it wouldn't be fair to him, but maybe another time".. which i thought was wierd.

The thing is, she's sort of been a rock to me over these past few years. I've been working away from home, and I never made any good new friends here.

I've always spoken to her every day or every two days. She's kept me sane, literally she has. When work was so stressful, she cheered me up.

I messaged her back and said "I've sort of always known she had a boyfriend" and she replied that she "hopes she never made me uncomfortable".

This is where I have a problem. Because the messages she sent were all in past tense, I was a bit upset (honestly, not loads, but a little, I felt like our friendship had suddenly ended or something). So I deleted her number. Don't ask me why exactly, I just didn't want to see her messages for a while, so I put them in achieve in whats app.

Then the next day I messaged her and said I never really spoke to her about it, because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

Then I realised, when I delete numbers like that from my contact. My settings are that, anyone not in my phone, they can't see my profile pic, or my last seen status. Meaning it looks like I blocked them. But I only realised this, maybe 24 hrs after deleting her number. So I added her back as a contact so she could see my profile pic again.

Anyway, now I'm upset I lost a friend. It looks like I blocked her. I could message her and tell her that she has been a good friend for so long to me, and that i really needed her over these past few years working away, which is true. But, I don't know what's best for myself. Do I leave it now as it is? it hurts now, but maybe it will pass, maybe I'm meant to leave it all behind me? Do i wait to see if she messages me? Like a friend would, or does she not want to be my friend anymore now that she's living with her boyfriend?

Then on a more stupid note too, a few weeks ago, the relationship i was in, it died down. She was too busy to meet me for like 3-4 times.. so, well, at that time, I deleted her contact too, again because it just helped me not think about something that I thought might have ended. So it looked like I blocked her too. I am only realising this, she was going to let me know about the weekend, she never did so I thought it was over, but actually she would have thought i blocked her. Guys, i'm so stupid. Now, maybe I should message her. I don't know about this yet, I think I have to.

So you’re the other man?!

Am I? I never really thought about it, but I'm just a friend (or was just a friend)?