Deciphering AquaMan's Motives - Help!

I have been dating an Aqua, age 32, for about 3 weeks now. At first, he gave the "I am not looking for anything serious; only friends first" speech - which I was OK with. Ever since that speech, his actions have implied well past the friendship level.

He introduced me to his brother last week and later he commented that I was "lucky" I met him. When I asked him why, he said it was because he felt so comfortable around me and it felt right.

We've gone out a few times in the last 3 weeks and talk on the phone every other night. It never fails - when he's on the phone with me, I'll hear him say "I wish I was there with you". Let me express that nothing sexual has happened between us, so when he says that, it's meant to be sexual.

He loves to hold my hand, kiss me, smell my hair, smell my skin, etc...tells me how beautiful my smile and eyes are..

Is this typical of an Aqua? Telling you one thing but then acting completely contradictory? Or is this Aqua only guarding himself by saying one thing but seeing how I'll react to his actions?

He's done and said other things that don't typically imply that he just wants to be friends. For instance, he had dinner with a colleague last night and he told me that the colleague was a female. He also offered up that the two of them went out on two dates over a year ago but he said "You have nothing to worry about - she's not my type". That confused me because why would I worry if he and I only supposed to be friends...

Help from Aqua men on this subject as well as the ladies who have or do love them!

HP74

Let me express that nothing sexual has happened between us, so when he says that, it's NOT meant to be sexual.

Correction!

Blah GL....why are you Aquas like that? grrr

😛

i dont think he is a typical aqua

why don't you think he's not a typical Aqua, ALien?

the weird thing is, GL, is that we met through eharmony.

not sure if i want to "get" him...but I'm going based on his intentions of being friends. But when the same person who says he's not looking for anything serious turns around and says and does things not in character of someone looking to be only friends, it confuses me.

being a taurus, i'm fairly direct and honest, so if i say i want to be only friends, that's what i mean and i won't lead anyone on...

I'm not entirely sure what I will do. Right now, I'm living it up on the friendship level; he's the one saying all the complimentary things...I'm not at the stage where I'm comfortable saying such complimentary things to him - primarily for fear of him running for the hills, but also because it's only been 3 weeks...it's still the freshness of knowing each other.

Let me add a different perspective to it.

"For instance, he had dinner with a colleague last night and he told me that the colleague was a female. He also offered up that the two of them went out on two dates over a year ago but he said "You have nothing to worry about - she's not my type". That confused me because why would I worry if he and I only supposed to be friends"

Sounds to me he is afraid of getting hurt and he is caling it "friendship" to keep himself safe. If he is saying stuff about other women and then giving you the "she's not my type" he is trying to feel you out for where you want the relationship to be. I myself constantly feeling out the other person to see if they are at the same level of feeling that I am at. Aquas are typically terrible about showing our emotions because they are uncomfortable to us. We sometimes need a clear cut "It's Ok" before we make a leap towards getting closer to you. Ofcourse I am no Man so I cannot claim to know how they think, this is just another aqua female opinion.

i completely agree with mamma roz... i think he is feeling you out to see what you want. aqua's are like that, they will feed off of you. they are also very afraid of getting hurt, so they don't tend to jump into a relationship right away. but that's a good thing at first, unless you really want to get involved that quickly. it all depends on what you are looking for with him. if i were you i would take it day by day and enjoy the moment!

That makes sense. That same conversation, he asked me "I am wondering. There's obviously some attraction on your part...what is it that you like about me?" So I kept it safe and said that it was because he was an all around nice guy.

Also, when he told me that I had nothing to worry about the girl, I told him "That's fine, I have male friends too that are just friends".

So do you think by me telling him that I'm ok with him having female friends was a good or bad thing? Because I trust him and if he says she's not his type, then she's not his type...

probably so....oh you nutty Aquas! 😉

It seems he is really in to you and wants you to let him know you are in to him. Listen to GL don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out, just take it easy with him and see where things go.

Thanks, Prime and everyone. Why can't Aqua Guys come with instruction manuals? I do like him, but I think it's too soon to say if I want to date him exclusively - even if he is sending me all the right signals that HE wants to....grrr....

I'm beginning to think it's just ALL men and has nothing to do with their sign!

Prime, even if HE was the one who said he wasn't looking for anything serious, just friends first? Plus, we haven't said anything about us seeing or not seeing anyone else.

LOL...I think we're very even in terms of who's paying for what, so he knows I'm not in it for free meals! 😉

I have to laugh at this. It is the ultimate catch 22.

"Message posted by: primegen on 6/12/2006 3:09:18 PM

Three weeks in last summer I found a girl I was seeing was dating another guy. That was the last date. Look if she can't take it serious and put in some honest effort, why should I bother with her."

Its not exclusive untill both parties agree to be exclusive, but don't you dare date someone while casually "seeing" someone.

Doesn't this perfectly outline the vunerability of the Aqua. We won't dare call things serious unless we have a real reason too, but we get ourselves hurt so easily by a real or imagined offence.

Sadly I fall into that way of thinking too, it's just funny to read the words and make sense of it.

hmm, that brings up something interesting. The other night during one of our long telephone chats, he asked me how I felt about divorce and I told him. He seemed very happy with my answer. He also asked me how I felt about drinking and I told him.

I have told him quite a bit of my values and beliefs and the other night, he said that it seems like he and I have a lot of the same morals and beliefs....so maybe he is interviewing me like you say he is.

the more i think about his questions and my answers, the more i believe Prime about the whole "interview" comment

Prime is definitly right about the whole Interviewing thing.

I have found myself doing that alot with my man, even after 5 months I am still picking his brain for more information, constantly watching how he does things, and still making my mental notes.

Also I agree with the long term thinking thing. It makes alot of sense. We don't want to settle down immediatly, but we want someone who we "can" settle down with and we do look for that in a partner.

so what kinds of questions should i be asking him in return? what are tried and true Aqua Man questions?

Prime,

I completly agree with you. I don't date around while getting to know someone, but it is not "exclusive" so one really can't get mad at the other person for dating around if you havent said you would like things to be exclusive. it's all a test.


I personally would totaly get mad and probably call it quits right then and there. Thats what I think is funny. Watching the logic on paper (or computer screen)

"Message posted by: houstonpeach74 on 6/12/2006 3:44:14 PM
so what kinds of questions should i be asking him in return? what are tried and true Aqua Man questions?"

Ask him things you really want to know about him.

I've been out of the dating scene for 3 years...give me some pointers! help...i don't want to sound like a putz!

Like I said, Ask him things you really want to know about him. It shows him you are interested in Him which is what he needs to know to open up and maybe take the relationship to another level.

Be genuine and interested.

Primegen,

OMG From reading what you have suggested to HP74, I am constantly being "interviewed" by the guy in my case also. He's not, however, an Aqua. He throws things out to me just to test my reaction. I keep it cool even though sometimes I'm a little puzzled by why he says some of the things he says.

I always do so-called "interviews" and have tons of questions to which this guy has answered. I guess now he feels it's his turn to "interview" me also.

Mamma Roz,

Great advice you are also giving.

Well me and Aqua Man talked again for about 2 hours over the phone last night. It was like an interview, but I took advantage of it and I asked a lot of questions, too. I got him to open up to me a little more, which was surprising but nice.

HP74,

Keep up the good work. Show you are interested in him by asking different things. Also ask for what he thinks about certain topics as you could get his mind thinking. Aquas love to find solutions or answers. Be a little mysterious also. Don't get too personal since you two have only been together for 3 weeks. Be yourself and take your time. Please don't rush anything. Hope this can help you out.

Thanks for the pointers Mystical and Prime. Yeah, I shooting questions back in his court. He was very inquisitive about what I thought about certain things so I'd answer. I'd turn around and ask him what his thoughts were. It's funny really. Everything he asked me a question and I answered, I'd decide which ones to ask back to him. Those questions I turned back to him, he acted as if he just heard the question. For instance, last night he asked me what I thought made my parent's marriage last as long as it has, so I answered. I asked him the same question and he asked "What do I think made my parent's marriage last?" I laughed and said yeah, the same question asked me. He did that a couple of other times, but it was almost like he wasn't expecting me to ask or he was still absorbing my answers or both!

HP74,

I've done the exact thing with asking questions back to the guy in my case. For a while I would ask a lot of questions (Aquarian curiousity) and he would answer. Therefore I've gotten to know a lot about him. Then he started asking some questions to me as I talk about most anything. When I would ask him the same question back, he would pause for a minute so he could gather his thoughts and then he would answer. Whenever he has asked me questions I answer very honesty without pausing because I'm saying the truth. The guy in my case has to think about things first. I'm a fast thinker. You learn a lot by being inquistive and also you show an interest in the other person. If you never ask anything, the other person might think you don't find them interesting. Anyway, keep being yourself and take one day at a time. Things will fall into place. I've had to tell myself this many times as I like things to move forward. At times I feel I've made headway and then other times I feel I haven't gotten anywhere. This is why I have to take a step back and see how it goes. You should just be calm and see what happens.

Thanks Mystical. All of your advice is helpful!

sometimes i think people ask the very questions that they want to be asked of them.

i agree

The saga continues...I met my AquaMan last night at a local bookstore, and drank some coffee...We didn't stay too long, but hung out at my car in the parking lot where we did a little making out - nothing risque, but quite fun. Well, to make a long story short, I asked him to call me when he got home and he said he would...that was at 11 pm. Midnight rolls around and still no call. 12:30, no call. So I called his cell phone and got his VM...called his home phone and it just rang and rang (he has an answering machine, so that told me he was on his phone). He told me he had to work on a project, which I believe, but who on Earth was he talking to that late and why didn't he just call me quick and say that he needed to take a call?

Grrr...I called him again on his cell phone just to make sure he was OK and nothing happened to him, but still no answer...just VM.

Well the conversation and the making out in the parkig lot got steamy and let's just say the phone call was (well i thought it was) welcomed by both of us...he even said that he coudn't wait to call...

I can see how it might appear that I'm checking up on him since I called him a few times...but it was just because I was beginning to get concerned.

Nah, they don't annoy me. What I meant by the "Who on Earth" comment was I was confused who else he'd be talking to so late at night since I wouldn't figure he was talking to a colleague that late...and what I meant by saying "why didn't he call me quick" is that I told him before I left the bookstore was that I was going to get to bed earlier than what I had been, so...that's my gripe really. He knew I was tired and actually he initiated the "late night call", which only adds to my frustration. I planned on being in bed by midnight, but because I was concerned and confused, I ended up laying down closer to 1 am

I swear I need an "Aquas for Dummies" book

Ok, he just called me...apparently he fell asleep last night when he got home...so I was believing him until I told him I emailed him right before I went to bed. He said "Yeah, I got that email". I asked when and he said last night when he got home. I told him that I sent that email after I'd called his cell phone and home phone each twice. He seemed to have gotten quiet, so I said "Hmmm, oh well - the important thing is that you're OK".

I don't like to answer to anyone either and you aren't being harsh. I think sometimes my being analytical comes across as being suspicious...it's a downfall of mine.

if i were you houston, i would give it some space..step back from the situation, pull yourself together..he is just a guy, after all...concentrate on your life and the things that make you happy and stop thinking and obsessing on what he is doing and why he is doing it. If he wants to be with you, he will come around..

"...make sure you can deal with it (without nagging him), cause these kinds of things will happen frequently, when you are with the "typical" Aquarian. If you don't believe me, just re-read TONS of past posts, from plenty of confused chicks who have dated an Aqua man!"

-houston peach...let me tell you that GL couldn't be more right about this!!! if it has only been 3 weeks and you already are worrying, it probably won't last too long. the phone incident you experienced is very likely to happen many, many more times in the future! i hate to tell you this, but it's better you know now while you are still in the early stages of it.
if you have any free time, you should seriously go through all of the posts on aqua board about aqua men from all of us girlies, like GL suggested. any from me, funlovn, ariesgirl, arianlatay, maia, elly...geez the list goes on and on!!! anyway, good luck to you, and if you have any questions please feel free to ask anytime. i just got out of a 2 year relationship with an aqua so i could probably help out a little 🙂

Thanks, MC8. So is this part of the aloof nature of Aquas? Do i just sit idle and let him contact me? If I don't call him, will he call me wondering why I haven't called him? I did that last week and he called me and said he was waiting on my call. I told him that I got the impression that I was calling him too much and he said that I absolutely was not and if I was, he was the type that would tell someone if they were.

at midnight, there wasn't much else to do! LOL...

try to loosen your grip a little bit..he may feel that you are focusing on him too much..dont take everything thing he says to heart

with an aqua, never take anything too personally. you can call him, but don't expect him to answer every time or call you back right away...go on with your life and keep yourself busy. do not let him become your life. it is very easy to let this happen with an aqua b/c they have some sort of magic about them, but please do not let your mind become proccupied with him, and what he is doing or what he is thinking, etc. b/c seriously all it will do is drive YOU crazy!

prime...i know that people in general do not always return calls right away, not just aquas (trust me, it happens to me all the time!)...i am just saying in her case, she shouldn't wait around for a phone call.

and how is there a right way to let anyone become YOUR life— you can let someone become a part of your life, but not let them overcome your life...

thanks everyone

I guess I'm still confused as to why he says he wants us to be friends first (which I totally agree) yet he turns around and is so very affectionate with me in public, private, whatever...tells me how beautiful I am, tells me how attracted he is to me, tells me how he wishes we could travel the world together, etc. i've already met his brother and he told me that i'm lucky for that because he's very guarded of whom enters his life and meets his friends and family. when asked him why i was honored with that, he said because he felt comfortable around me and meeting his brother felt right. Another instance was him asking some pretty off the wall questions and telling me it's him testing me to see how much of him I could tolerate him, saying "I have to know how much I can say and do around you if we're gonna be dating"...

So here's Question 1: are AquaMen this way with everyone? Are they this affectionate with everyone? It's really spooky how at times we are so comfortable around each other, then times of his aloofness through me off guard. I can deal with the aloofness for the most part; just not sure how to deal with his compliments yet if all he wants right now is friends/non-serious...

Question 2: Are AquaMen selective when it comes to who they are sexually linked to? I have told him that I am not one to sleep around (and I'm not). Most men these days will bail on you if you don't put out within 2 weeks or so, but not this guy. I've read that Aquas are more about long-term and not the here and now - so could this be the case?

Thanks, Prime. Nothing like a slap in the face...