Deciphering AquaMan's Motives - Help! (Page 3)

I'm not sure where you're getting that I'm stringing him along. I told him Monday that I dind't see us going anywhere and I told him we could be friends (which is what he wanted from the start, but just sent me the mixed signals)...Since telling him that, he has been calling, emailing, messaging me more than usual.

How am i stringing him along?

Curious.

Prime, you say "And the friends thing never works, women don't have male friends that are not gay."

that brings up a question: by him saying a few times that he wanted to be "friends first", was he BS'ing me?...

Curious again...

mentally he isn't sure where you are so the polite and PC thing to say is "lets be friends."

He knew exactly where I was...I told him over the weekend. Bottom line is this (and it's my opinion): he doesn't know what he wants.

My biggest concern over the whole "Friends" comment was if that's what he wanted, then great. BUT when I tell someone I'm not looking for anything serious and friendship is important, I don't go mug on them, dropping them compliments here and there, tell them how I wish they were here with me, how he wishes we could be on a cruise dancing and watching a sunset together....those are fairly intimate things that I wouldn't tell someone whom I'm only interested in as a buddy....am I wrong to assume this?

GL,

Did you give compliments because it was how you felt or because of some other reason?

Prime,

I told him those exact words about this weekend "I blew it and made things more awkward than it should be"...He said I didn't, but I know I did.

GL, you should read one of his thread on page 2 "the ladder logic"

'And the friends thing never works, women don't have male friends that are not gay.'

I am confused now?!? I have been told that you can be friends with guys but there are conditions:
a) If you have know the guy since childhood
b) If you have gotten the sex thing out of the way
c) If he is a friend of a friend or (if applicable) a friend of your bf's or if he is your girlfriends boyfriends friend

From personal experience, all the males including childhood mates have tried to shag me at one stage or another 😢 I personally also think it is a generation thing as my younger siblings have many male friends who are strictly FRIENDS but that may be because the GC is full of these Metro Males.

Another reason why a guy will be your buddy is so he can shag your friends

'Being called one of the guys, IS a compliment!'

Yup, I agree with that one

'I'd probably do the French one if I was not in my right mind.'

You should get out of your mind then prime! If shes available why not??

most people thought my French friend was my gf.

Oooorr that hurts 😢
I would really not like it if Mr Aqua had really hot female friends, however I usually make friends with his female friends really quickly & sus them out 🙂

Am a bit sad at the mo cause had to ditch one of male friends as bf not happy I had male friends & I miss my dancin/footy buddy 😢 so much less drama than hanging out with female friends.
Mr Aqua has (whilst intoxicated) literally drooled over a couple of my friends - but that was early stages of the relationship.

I would never do that!! Make someone choose. That is lack of self-esteem I think.

Hey GL
I have just chilled with the male friend as he was a recent friend not a long term mate and I think if I am real honest with myself the guy wanted more even thou he knew I had a bf & loved him to bits. Mr Aqua bf was worried by the fact I had male friends & I made a decision not to have contact with them out of respect for Mr bf.
When out with the male friend the last time, he was trying to massage my shoulders & got a bit touchy feely & I told him to stop because I didn't think it was respectful to my bf as I wouldn't want some girl rubbing up against mr Aqua. He took offence by it. We were both really drunk & I didn't trust him to be thinking clearly so I left - without saying good bye cause I couldn't find him in the club (long story) & he was texting & calling the next day I didn't respond because had no credit & he took offence again & currently not talking to him. He is an Aqua & I thought he would be detached but he was getting kind of possessive & that led me to think he wanted more. Maybe I'm wrong?

Its a bit confusing for me

HA HA HA HA HAhhhahahahahsa skdiiuuewhahahah!!!
thats not very nice prime 🙂

'... I bet even Vanessa and Eliza although I doubt they would admit it....'

admit what— sorry im way too lazy to read the whole thread 😛

primegen,

i agree i do get excited and sometimes act silly when i like someone 😛...

Well here's the latest: after me giving this Aqua guy the talk of how I didn't see this going anywhere and not being able to deal with his distance...I received an email from him stating that it was best that we not communicate with one another: no talking, visiting, seeing, emailing, nothing! But he calls me at 1:45 am Friday night and asks me how I'm doing and when I ask if we're still friends, he says yes but then proceeds to tell me that he emailed me but not to read it until the morning because it was so late....of course, my butt was out of bed and reading that email as soon as i got off the phone with him...that's when I read that he felt it best to cease contact,..I mean what the heck>!>!>!>! THEN, Saturday night, while I'm out, he calls my home number and leaves me a message....for someone who wants to cease contact, it threw me off guard (no surprise) that he called me.

I called him back and basically asked him what was up with his wishy washy ways...he acted as if he never sent that email...I asked him what the deal was and what he wanted; he said he wanted us to be friends and all he did was think about me last night and couldn't sleep, etc.

So I told him how it was going to be; I told him that we will be friends, but we will not hang out as much and everythign will be platonic because what got us in this whole mess were the mixed signals he put off by saying we're friends but then mugging down on me in public, private, etc....

So there you go...that's the latest. I'm a little puzzled why he would send an email that says he wants to cease contact with me, call me right after we sends it, and then calls me again the next day...I mean, what's up with that—

Well Prime, I guess I'm just here for your amusement....

Thanks for the advice.

🙂

Thanks for the insight, Prime.

"Peach, most people who come here, I'd say you are just like half, not really going to change no matter what we say."

Hey wait a minute Prime, I listened. When sb and Branh told me to drop the cancer man in March, I finally listened and back off in April. See, some do take advice -- especially when ones eyes start to open up and see things clearly 😉

Oh OOPS,

Sorry 🙂 Hahaha, I shouldn't posted my "Cappy Meets Crabby" post here two when I first arrived 😄

I'M BACK! I come back because I know how Prime just loves me.

I haven't called the AquaBoy since Saturday and he hasn't called me since Monday. The last convo we had I told him the ball was in his court and he said he'd call next week. Seriously and sadly, I'm not holding my breath. Many of my friends think he will call and he just wants his space right now. He made one comment that pissed me off and that was regarding me saying the ball was in his court. I told him "XXXXX, The ball is in your court. If you want to call me, great. If I don't hear from you, then so be it." He said "Well it's the guy that should be doing the chasing anyway, right? ISn't that how it is supposed to work?" I bit my tongue, but the deal was I only called him when he asked me to.

Although he and I were griping at each other (and I can push the envelope), he got his snippy and harsh words out, but then he turned civil again...calling me dear, hon, etc. So this guy just doesn't know what he wants from me.

Meanwhile, I've been dating 2 guys - one is another Aqua and the other is a Gemini. OH, and I might have a date with a Taurus (like me). I'm not going to wait for this other Aqua to decide what he wants. Yes, I like him, but I have a life to live whether he wants to be part of it or not.

I'm not sure where you're getting that I don't appreciate him. Typically, I have the "screw it" attitude, but I do like this guy. I'm giving him the space he wants/needs. Plus, I'm heeding the advice you've given as well as a few others: live my life while he decides. If you remember, you agreed that it was going to be on his time, not mine.

I do appreciate him. Stop being such a meanie, Prime. I'm not stringing him along.

Then YOU tell me what appreciation is....I've really tried with this guy. I've moved on like YOU and others have said. He wants to stay friends and I'm OK with that.

Because he said he will call me next week I should wait around anxiously for his call? I think not. It has nothing to do with appreciation for him, but rather respect for myself.

houstonpeach...

how have you really tried with this guy? haven't you only been hanging out with him for like a month or so— and you are already dating 3 other guys...you sound like you just need someone in your life...sounds like you are trying too hard to find a boyfriend.

THanks, GL. When I say "dating", I mean that loosely. I'm not DATING these guys all at once; we're just hanging out. I too am just looking for friends, yet when I say that, I stick to it.

Night all.

Aqua guys (more so than any other sign)seem to me to like the natural flow of things. they like things to progress slowly and naturally, so by pushing to define whether or not your just friends or something more goes against the natural flow of things. I think he is looking at things logically, in the sense you are being obvious that you need to know one way or the other if you are just friends or something more. He's already shown you he's interested, he calls and hangs out with you. But you want to know up front whether it's going to lead to something more to protect yourself from getting to attached to him. Life is full of experiences and many or most of them are learning. You could very well be walking away from something wonderful by putting stipulations on the "friends or something more" part of it. if you like him and he likes you which it obviously sounds that way why not just go with the flow and see where it leads, quit being so protective of your heart. Thats whats wrong with relationship and dating these days, everyone wants to know up front how the story ends. The best part of the book is reading everything that leads up to the ending, if your lucky you may not have an ending just a continuous book but if there is an ending consider it a learning experience put that book in the book shelf and then move on. Your putting the book up before you've even read it. Just my thought?

Is she supposed to keep on after this guy, after he's told her he only wants to be friends?

That's probably the major problem, "keeping on after this guy" they've only known one another for a short time, why was she pushing to know where it was going. It was very obvious he liked her, what's wrong with going with the natural flow of getting to know each other, of course he wanted to just be friends he doesn't know very much about her but he was trying to get to know her.

That's why we have such a high rate of divorce anymore, no one wants to go slow and get to know one another any more. I personally think she did him a favor by showing her true colors now, that she couldn't hang through the long haul, which is probably what he was looking for. Something about her originally attracted him to her, to the point he wanted to know her better. it takes time for a persons true colors to shine through either for the good or the bad in some cases. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking things slow. Truely what did she have to lose by going slow. And if it turned out to be just friendship well you gained a friend you still haven't lost anything.

And no GL I don't think you were being harsh. The aqua guy i've been with for almost 2 years now has taught me some very valuable lessons along the way. When i read her posts I went back to the begining of the relationship he and i have. I was once like her, i pushed and pushed to define where i stood with this man. We got along great and we had alot of fun together but that wasn't enough for me i kept pushing for a definition are we friends are we more than friends where is this going (it had only been six months or so). when i look back now i realize six months was a very short time to know one another (especially an aqua, they are very intelligent and complex individuals) and in all honesty we are still learning about one another. A relationship is kind of like a book, you get into it and anxious to know what happens next so much so that you often times miss the here and now. Which is some of the reason the divorce rate in america is so high, no one takes the time to truely know one another anymore they quickly want to turn to the last chapter and find out the ending. He ended up leaving me with the "can we still be friends line" which turned to the "things have gotten weird between us we need space" and it took me two months to learn my lesson (he did the same thing he called me and it just confused me more, how can we be friends and cease all contact). He still wanted to be friends because he still had feelings for me, but he logically knew we would not work out because i was so consumed with knowing the end of the story that i couldn't enjoy writing the book with him chapter by chapter. The two months we were apart was a great learing experience for me, I missed his friendship so much that i was forced to look inside myself and i learned my lesson. He is my best friend, i don't question where our relationship is going any more and i don't have to define it with words either it is what it is, i know he loves me and cares about me, he doesn't even have to say it i feel it. If i had not learned my lesson i would have missed out on a great guy. Yeah he may walk away from me tomorrow but the book was absolutely worth reading.

THanks for standing by my side, GL. I think most people are making me out to pushing a relationship, when in fact I was perfectly content with being friends first. Yet, he was playing the endearing game with me...calling me all sorts of sweet things, calling me at all hours of the night and talking to me for hours on end - these conversations were us getting to know each other. I met some of his family and if you're like me, I don't introduce someone that quickly to my family, etc.

Yes, I'd only known him for a short time, but I was confused as to his true intentions. I didn't want to lose him as friend if I started going out with others, as well as lose him for a potential boyfriend if it ever got there if again, I went out with others.

Most of the people told me to move on and that's what I did. The last conversation we had on Monday he told me he would call me next week. I gave him an out to never call me again but he said he'd call. In fact his words were "I'll call you next week, DEAR".

I think it's a low blow to say I'm showing my "true colors" when I have enough respect for myself to not get drawn into someone without knowing where I stand first.

GL
I agree with you that it is confusing but if you look at it in simpiler terms, just because he wasn't ready to acknowledge it verbally he was showing her he was interested but it was just too soon for him to be able to define it. He's an aqua male and it takes them some time to logically drop there guard. He liked what he seen in her,(the whole outside package, personality ect.) but the true logical test of whether it becomes more is pretty simple.... time. She wanted to skip to the last chapter. So I think she did him a favor by not letting him get even more into her than he already was. A relationship that's lasting doesn't happen with the flip of the switch that's infatuation. I think by him asking for friendship, and cuddling with her and being affectionate was his way of non verbally saying it might become more but time will tell. He didn't want to lead her on. Two months from now what he originally seen in her may have turned out to be not what he thought at first, that comes from getting to know someone. When you first meet somoene you always see there best side they are trying to impress you by showing the best of themselves in time that drops off and people start showing who they truely are (bad habits and all). If and when this happens he discovers that what he originally seen in her was an act and that he's no longer interested, if he had told her what they had was leading to a relationship she would have felt like he lead her on. I think he was being responsible by not leading her on but he was giving enough to show her that he was interested and wanted to see where it went.

So I'll ask this: if he does call next week (and I do have a feeling he'll stick to what he said), do I take his call or not?

Am I over him? I never had those kinds of feelings, or at least I don't think - I just wasn't the one sending the mixed signals - or I hope I wasn't.

Yes, I really liked him in terms of him being a good guy and for the most part, was very supportive and fun. But what I couldn't deal with was the "let's be friends - but do you mind if I kiss you" tug of war...

By reading what fun wrote, it sounds like her Aqua did the same thing to her by not calling or seeing her for a while and she felt the same way I did, initially...so just wondering - is it worth it?

I think it's a low blow to say I'm showing my "true colors" when I have enough respect for myself to not get drawn into someone without knowing where I stand first.

I'm sorry if you think i'm shooting low blows at you. When i say showing my true colors it can mean a variety of thing, granted when most people say it though it is meant to mean the bad side. If thats the way you took it i apologize, what i meant by saying was implied that you and he were not suited for one another, he is on a slower page you are on a more quicker page. You feel the need to define everything, you said yourself "I've been out of the dating scene for 3 years...give me some pointers! help...i don't want to sound like a putz!". which would imply that you are looking to get back into a relationship on a quicker pace than him.

Gl
I don't think he was leading her on, he hasn't known her long enough to make a determination as to what kind of person she is or isn't, so to tell her any different would be leading her on, he is showing his emotions and all good relationships start as friends, if she wasn't in such a hurry to get back into a relationship she might be able to slow down enough to enjoy the relationship so what if it doesn't work take a chance in life.

Prime, you have Selective Reading Disorder - I was CONTENT (satisfied, ok, amenable, pleased - pick a word you best understand) with being friends. It was the affection that threw me off base. I'm NOT affectionate with my male friends - I wouldn't even dare be touchy feely or affectionate to a male if I'd just told him within a couple of days that I was wanting to be friends first.

GL, can I email you?

She acts like this is high school, CAN I WEAR YOUR RING. Relationships take time, are you in that big of a hurry to re enter a relationship. If so he's not the one and you need to move on. Like prime said it's been 3 weeks, what do you expect of him?

A few times I did stop him. Other times, I just gave him a look and he would ask "What?" It was strange; it was like he could pick up on me analyzing him and what said...twice, he said "Don't go there...don't analyze...let things be"...

And yes, I thought that I could deal with being affectionate (whenever we were together, he always made the first moves), but as time went on, I started to question my ability to deal with things. That's when I decided I needed to know what truly was going on.

Whenever I mentioned a male's name, he would seem defensive about the guy, "Oh is that your OTHER boyfriend?" or "You have a hot date with him later?", etc.

I'm not saying that I'm not at fault. All I did was come on here and ask for advice. Yes, I've been out of the dating scene for 3 years because my fiance' died about a year ago and I haven't wanted to date until recently...BUT that doesn't mean or portray me as wanting to rush into a relationship.

it sounds like her Aqua did the same thing to her by not calling or seeing her for a while and she felt the same way I did, initially...so just wondering - is it worth it?

Peach,
Only you can decide on whether it is worth it or not. In my case it was definetly worth it. I have learned so many lessons about life in general with this man, he is an aqua and is very interesting but in the beginning it was frustrating and confusing and at times it still is but i understand him more now because i took the time too, i didn't jump right in (even though i wanted to at first, because that's how we as a society tend to do) he left me for two months and made me question myself and him. i wouldn't trade any thing i've been through for what i have with him now. He is truely my best friend and what we have is solid because we started as friends, yes he would not verbally say he wanted more but implied it often, it caused me just as much pain, confusion and sleepless nights as it is you, but i now realize that he was being a man by not leading me on and telling me what i wanted to hear. He protected himself and me from what he preceived as something that could hurt me and our friendship in the long run. If he had told me in the beginning he wanted more i would have rushed into it head first without looking. Because it happened slowly we got to truely know one another. For the first year we were just friends we had alot of fun and despite the confusion he caused me over wondering where i stood I felt he was worth the wait and see where it went. He showed me affection, we had fun together and during that time i was happy which in the end is all that really matters. If you are happy being with him and hanging with him what's the rush. I from the start realize that what he and i have could end tomorrow, that's life and it's not predictable. But I felt so strongly about him and the connection he and i shared even though he didn't admit it that i couldn't walk away. the way i approached it was even if i invest 2 years in him and it doesn't work out, we don't fight, we have fun and enjoy one another. I don't feel that was a loss of two year or 10 for that matter. Life is to be enjoyed if he makes you happy he makes you happy. life is full of lessons and ups and downs you just have to roll with the punches. good luck to ya

I haven't wanted to date until recently...BUT that doesn't mean or portray me as wanting to rush into a relationship.

I am truly sorry you lost fiance. Just the fact that you have come here for advise means that you already have more feelings for him than you would like to admit to. I don't know how long you was with you fiance before losing him but it is still very tramatic to lose somone you love. I am assuming you loved him since he was your fiance. My story continues on, yours is beginning. Only you can honestly answer for yourself if you are strong enough to handle a relationship with this man. Just from my experience aquas are somewhat different in how they approach relationships in general, you cant fake it and you can't fool them. You have to be honest and true to yourself and them. He's kissing you and cuddling with you and such, it doesn't sound like you resist which would imply you are into him. I understand being scared that you will get hurt, you've already lost your fiance and i'm sure your not wanting to put yourself out there to be hurt again. but with him you are going to have to decide if he is worth it to you or not. You have to decide for yourself if life with him is better than life without him. I've been on the dating scene, your not missing much.

thanks for your advice FL

No problem, I really do feel for you and your situation it's tricky.

I imagine it won't be tricky any longer. He may call or he may not call. I may take the call or I may not...we'll see.

She's a lesbian....of course she'll blame men.

I just checked my cell phone and I had a missed call from AquaBoy. I haven't called him back...still debating.

houston peach...

sorry, but i agree with fun and prime. you did not give this guy a chance, you wanted something to happen right away in your favor and when it didn't...you walked away from it. and now you are questioning it still...so that muct mean that you realize you may have done the wrong thing by walking away.

plus, i have looked at your other posts for other signs, and it seems like you are always dating a different guy for a short period of time. maybe it's you that isn't stable—

There is another post under Virgo I believe that was put there by my roommate. The only place I've posted anything pertaining to me has been under Aquarius.

Most will be happy to know that I officially ended it with AquaMan tonight. It was hard; in fact I'm still crying, but I know I'm better off for doing it. Tonight while talking to him and expressing my feelings about the whole matter, he came across of unemotional, as if he could care less about everything. He was very short with me, and at the end of the call, he asked "Well is there anything else?"

This guy went from so affectionate to cold....

As I said MOST will be happy to know...