DO U CHECK YOUR S/O'S PHONE? (Page 2)

Thanks Daze for the input, much appreciated, im already doubting myself but i'll watch- i wouldnt be able to stop doing that, especially now that my suspicions are on alert. I'll keep myself in check, no psycho actions or anything like that.

Posted by WaterCup
@Daze, i wasnt always like this, at least not with the other two. I was honest and i thought that they were the same, i was wrong. Now with this one i dont wanna make the same mistake by being too trusting. And i dont 'test' unless i feel reasons to, like now. This has never happened in all the years we have been together, the insecurity thing. I honestly feel that im not relationship material, i hurt too deeply to completely forget and thats not good for any relationship. I carry too much emotional scars to be free in any kind of a relationship. I've tried shrinks and other things, but there's always a distant alarm reminding me to not get too comfortable. I just dont know what to do

This is the blessing and curse of the Scorpio Moon, and all of its emotional intensity. We FEEL. You ARE relationship material, you are just hurt and on guard. I'm just surprised you feel this way and you've allowed yourself to be MARRIED and feel this way.

A few ppl on this post were harping about "privacy this and privacy that"... there are to be NO secrets within a marriage, there should be open transparency. ALL doors and windows remaining open, otherwise glass will shatter and doors will be kicked DOWN!

Do what you have to do to silence "the voice". If need be, grab those POM-POMS and put that voice in your head to bed.
but definitely think it thru first which I'm sure you did. It sounds like your drop off plan is good.

If it were ME, I would have sent in a "mole" to scope the two. Watching their Chemistry from affar while "looking at Phones"...waay too easy. Just hope he doesn't know ALLL of your close friends.

Lol @ the pisces chick's story

Taurusbelle ur saying just what i was thinking about, a james bond. Im mentally going through a list of trustable ppl. Shit, my mind is doing yo-yo, i hate this!

Posted by WaterCup
Taurusbelle ur saying just what i was thinking about, a james bond. Im mentally going through a list of trustable ppl. Shit, my mind is doing yo-yo, i hate this!

the plan you had was legit. well the revised one. even dazed said it was better. if you dont check her out this is going to fester into something worse. if iwa

i was gonna say if i was there i would check her out for you. me and my aqua (scorp moon)bff just did a covert op. with her hot sexy sag dude. it was a dud but at least she has peace of mind.

Im really confused about what to do, i need time. I know how i am, it would really be over. My head hurts thinking about this. I'll gather some balls to go through with it during the week. Im afraid of the truth because of my son, but i cant help wanting it- thats where my confusi?n lies. Im going to sleep, thanks everybody

Posted by chemengin
i was gonna say if i was there i would check her out for you. me and my aqua (scorp moon)bff just did a covert op. with her hot sexy sag dude. it was a dud but at least she has peace of mind.

*Hi FIVE* Chemengin!!..great minds think alike! I was about to offer voluntary detect services too..but Aqua- just breathe, relax, release and Keep Smiling. Carry on your usual activities..remain calm and calculated. I DEF would hate for you to blow your cover, or send out suspicious vibes to the hubby. You'll carry out whatever plan works for you.

WaterCup, may I ask how long you have been married and how long you dated before that?

What has happened that's causing you two to lose trust in each other?

As PotHeadVirgo22 and Dazed mentioned several times earlier, you will both drive a wedge into your marriage if you keep looking for fault in each other. These kinds of insecurities are not healthy for either of you. If your husband was suddenly protective of his phone, then yes, that would look shady but he hasn't given you any reason to be suspicious, up to this point, where you've imagined all kinds of scenarios with his co-worker. This girl is new -might she have been assigned to your husband for training?

Does he understand what your boundaries are? Does he respect them?

You obviously need some reassurance from him in general. Just ask him for some snuggle time and who the prettiest girl in the world is. 🙂

Take a deep breath!

Being wrongly suspected or accused of things that one hasn't done, is a huge turnoff and a deal breaker imo.

Omg all this trouble would be over if you had asked him a long time ago. Ask him. You are gonna have to sooner or later. If not this time, there will be another time something like this happens.

There's nothing wrong with you talking about this with your man. It doesn't show you are insecure, or possessive, it shows you are in loooooooovvvvveeee lol

Ask him. He must know you by now and wonder why you haven't asked him yet! Lol joke

You have a right to know watsup!lol if anything he shouldn't judge you about you asking or get defensive.

My bf does that all the time...he goes through my phone, and asks all these questions but in a curious way, which I love...his desire to know all makes him irresistable to me. But I also love the fact that we are so open you know

If there is nothing to hide, there is nothing for someone to get defensive about!

Tamara, this will be our fifth year and we dated for a month before we got married (aries rush, lol). And no he hasnt done anything to make me suspect him, believe me my suspicions turn on very quickly, i would have noticed. He knows about my past and he assured me that he wont be like them (i sort of believe it because he has taurus venus), but here i am.. He has been a good guy throughout, but im not a fool to the fact that some men lie and cheat- i know it 1st hand. Im just preparing myself for the unknown, it will hurt less than if i were just sitting believing everything he says.

Leila, ask him what? Ask him if he is planning on banging the chick? Lol. I did ask him who it was and he kept it vague, the only thing i know is her name that she is a co-worker. Usually he goes on and on about ppl at his job, some i even know their body measurements because of how clearly he described them to me, but not this one.. He talks too damn much to be suddenly speechless. Thats why im curious about her, i know nada. She could be a former Miss Universe, lol

I agree with u there, lildoll. I havent seen any sign of defensiveness yet, only silence. If i did, i would have applied for divorce immediately. I have short crap tolerance for men.

since I really don't have a S/O and "just a friend", I don't check the cell out... but i do skim over all the post-its in the office quickly... I feel bad for doing it, but asking "are you getting any?" doesn't seem to be attractive. I just like to know if there's any competition if i so decided to jump him.

I do this to my Aqua- and have found MANY things on different occasions that have incriminated him. But this thread is not about me. 🙂

WC! I think your most recent plan is a good one- but don't be afraid to verbally revisit the situation again with him if it will make you feel better. As many in this thread have mentioned, we Aries are notoriously bad liars and stealth is not our strong suit.

To bring it back up again with him, you could roll with something like, "So, I'm curious about your new co-worker! Tell me more about her...I could use some new friends, I'd love to meet her...blah blah blah." Watch his actions- you should be able to read him easily.

Keep in mind also- it may be true that they are friendly and that he finds her attractive. But it may also be true that their relationship is 100% appropriate. Through my 6 years w/my boyfriend, I've worked with some attractive men whose numbers I have had in my cell phone. I can assure you that all those relationships were 100% platonic and appropriate.

Thanks aliaries. But do u guys like to flirt? Thats the other thing with him, he is too friendly and chatty with women, but dislikes other men. Some of these women took him serious and ?ne actually brought him a homemade lunch, he told me about. I wanted to shove the tupperware up her arse, lol. We argue about his 'niceness' constantly.

Lol @ if i ever decide to jump him.

Love flirting, but loyal to a fault. If I'm not attached I will return flirting full force but only if he starts it and I feel comfortable in mind, body, and spirit with him. The connection of a 3 is a must with me and he must not be attached either. If I'm am attached, it's more of a friendly flirt in return - keep at a distance but maintain the brain activity. It is stimulating either way and boosts self-confidence.

Posted by WaterCup
Thanks aliaries. But do u guys like to flirt? Thats the other thing with him, he is too friendly and chatty with women, but dislikes other men. Some of these women took him serious and ?ne actually brought him a homemade lunch, he told me about. I wanted to shove the tupperware up her arse, lol. We argue about his 'niceness' constantly.

Very flirty- but, we don't typically realize it at the time. If you asked, we'd say we were just being "friendly"! Aries don't tend to be 100% self aware 100% of the time- I hear that from my boyfriend a lot. I also have the reverse issue to your husband- I'm very friendly and chatty with men, but don't get along with most women.

I can guarantee that for MOST of us our intentions are ALWAYS pure. Even if we do something to hurt you, we would never mean to. We're very childlike in that we don't always understand the ramifications of our actions.

Just be like honey, so you think she cute huh? L0l...in a jokey way. Hahaha....look at his reaction. Scorpio babe coated in aqua vibe, you will know by that reaction.


Or you could pay him a visit at work lol...take him lunch and stuff, but while you are being the perfect wife you are secretly finding out about her.

In all honesty. Do you really think there's anything to worry about?? Be true to urself, and if its a no, forget about it.

Lol, leila, i wont ask him that, dont wanna give him ideas. What if he didnt see her that way and i start things by planting that seed in him. Im planning to go there (at his job) during this week, im gathering some gall still.

awesome!lol
Oh. And sharpen those instincs.

lol


::: shakes head :::

Posted by everevolvingepithet
You know, with all this super sleuthing going on, would you flip if your man was bored and went through your phone or comp WC ?
See, it's not too bad if it works both ways imo.

That's a good point Ever. I honestly wouldn't mind it since I would want him to be able to trust me.... unless I'm scheduling a surprise party for him.

WC, what say you?

He checks my phone all the time and all the things i have said on this site he knows about them already, except this one, lol. As i mentioned before, we are a free couple. No lock codes on phone, i use his phone and vice versa when my phone doesnt have units. Im no porn fiend or anything worth secresy, so no, i wouldnt flip at all. I always delete evidence, but u didnt hear that from me, lol.

A lady aint a lady until they keep a part of themselves hidden, its part of the charm. And dont forget that he is an aries, the hunt is part of their game. Im just a provider, lol. I would deny it all with a puppy look. It wasnt me! Haha

In some days like today, i really dont mind being called a stalker- i find it to be a little hot. Do u know where the planets of the progressed chart? I've been feeling weird lately, im flactuating- intense feelings then numbness (dont give a shit). Where can i check it?

Not progressed, but transit, lol. I just checked and i still dont know what it means.

Oh dont worry, i never cross the line to insanity- no sniffing of worn clothes here. That would be creepy

so how is it going WC, you got an update?

Posted by WaterCup
Not progressed, but transit, lol. I just checked and i still dont know what it means.

Private message me your email, date and time of birth along with the city/state of birth as well as your current city/state and I'll email you the tri-wheel.

Im afraid there's no update, i decided to just let whatever truth fall on my lap, it always does. Watch this space ( )

Sorry for writting a diary here, Watercup. Please keep us updated with your story. I'm sure that you won't be disappointed about your hubby. You're a nice Aqua with a dash of Scorp darkness 😄

Im seeing somebody, Doctor Couch. I've had only 3 sessions and i feel like stopping already. I hate asking myself 'why' all the time. I wanna get pissed, happy, etc, without asking myself why i feel those things. I've tried this route numerous times before and it always reaches a cul-de-sac because i dont like looking too deep inside, it depresses me and i dont like it. How do u deal with probing (nosy shrinks)? I dont know how to be totally honest with this guy (my doctor), im holding stuff back. Here im more open than in face 2 face situations. I suggested writting him an email then discuss the contents of the mail when we meet- i think i will still be 'shy' to talk about it in person though. Any advice?

I didn't read this whole thread and the few I read seemed to have a message that you shouldn't care or something like that but Watercup there is nothing wrong with you, he has A WOMAN'S PHONE NUMBER in his cellphone, that's your husband and hmmm yeah he shouldn't have a co-workers phone number outside of work so you're not crazy, just get to the bottom of it.

Ask him why he's developed a bond with a woman so much so he has her personal phone number . I've seen so many women on DXP and in real who develop inappropriate relationships with male co-workers, some of these women are sharks, no morals, no integrity, loose evil bitches when it comes to taking somebody else's man. you don't need a shrink, you need to make sure you KNOW what's going on then you'll most likely feel better, tell him to cut it out whatever it is.

Deadringer, what do u mean i shouldnt pry? Taste of what medicine? How am i being hypocritical? I didnt go on as i planned (suss her out), but the statements u made just made me curious. I really dont care what people think, this is my relationship and im gonna do as i see fit. We are both comfortable with the way things are, yeah including the access to each other's phones. I didnt check it behind his back, i did it with him present, he does the same thing. The point is not snooping. We share a bed, etc and that includes our phones, thats how our marriage is. He is not a boyfriend, its my right as a wife to clear any confusions i may have. Its all history now, i just wanted to get that clear

Posted by WaterCup
Im afraid there's no update, i decided to just let whatever truth fall on my lap, it always does. Watch this space ( )

ok WC, you are hands on in the situation. do what you see fit to do and what makes you comfortable. 🙂 you know we always here if you need to vent some more.

Posted by WaterCup
Im seeing somebody, Doctor Couch. I've had only 3 sessions and i feel like stopping already. I hate asking myself 'why' all the time. I wanna get pissed, happy, etc, without asking myself why i feel those things. I've tried this route numerous times before and it always reaches a cul-de-sac because i dont like looking too deep inside, it depresses me and i dont like it. How do u deal with probing (nosy shrinks)? I dont know how to be totally honest with this guy (my doctor), im holding stuff back. Here im more open than in face 2 face situations. I suggested writting him an email then discuss the contents of the mail when we meet- i think i will still be 'shy' to talk about it in person though. Any advice?

after three sessions the doc/or you cant expect full disclosure. i didnt open up to mine for about 2 months. trust has to be developed, shit earrned!!! if you feel more comfortable with an email they should be more than happy to oblige. then you go in and listen to them, when your ready. set an appointment and stick with it.

Thanks tiki, u always have wise things to say. I decided to seek help because im tired of always thinking history will repeat itself. I want to be free and enjoy life without the constant fear of betrayal stemming from my past relationships with men. But i will let go with one hand only though, im just not ready to completely let go- i dont think i ever will to be honest. I made a decision to never date if my marriage ever fails, im just not made for all this. Its me, not them (men)- i just cant trust them in any kind of a loving relationship.

Thanks chem. Tbh, the previous sessions with other doctors didnt last more than 6 'sittings'. Either i didnt like what they said or i didnt like them which made me clam up in return. I will try this one out. I want a woman doctor maybe she will understand me more. So far in my area its mostly males, but i'll just try my best to open up some more with this guy. I dont wanna waste my cash. Did therapy work with u? Im not liking it very much. How long did it take u to see the big picture? Im blind, lol

Posted by WaterCup
Thanks chem. Tbh, the previous sessions with other doctors didnt last more than 6 'sittings'. Either i didnt like what they said or i didnt like them which made me clam up in return. I will try this one out. I want a woman doctor maybe she will understand me more. So far in my area its mostly males, but i'll just try my best to open up some more with this guy. I dont wanna waste my cash. Did therapy work with u? Im not liking it very much. How long did it take u to see the big picture? Im blind, lol

yes it worked for me. i think it works better with any gender as long as they have the compassion and tact to discuss what is bothering you. some people's delivery is waaaay off. they can be so cold and tactless, its like, "really you do this as your profession. i wonder how many of your clients are still alive. " you know.

after i found the right fit for me, it worked. i saw three doctor's before i got the right person. i knew i wouldnt be able to handle what was going on, on my own, so i was determined. with my doctor i have now, it took me 2 and half months to really see and accept the big picture. that was the key with me, accepting it.

at first i was just listening and answering questions, but none of it was sinking in enough to change my life. now, i deal with things a whole lot better. 🙂

Thanks 3Es, maybe a gay doctor is what i need- i get along nicely with gay guys. Im gonna check that one out. I distrust (straight) men, i also have issues with women. Gay doctor it is and im gonna find him.

oh and i didnt like any of the things they were telling me. who would? but eventually, we have to face what they are telling us and deal with it. its not an easy process at all. i hated it most of the time. after some heavy sessions i wouldnt go back for weeks, then my doctor would call me at work and tell me to make an appointment. 🙂

yea that shit sucked! but i say it was worth it.

Thanks again chem for those words of encouragement and i'll try to be more involved in my future sessions. If only he wasnt boring and old, lol. I suspect him to be a capricorn, he is too serious and he doesnt laugh much- i dont think i like him. My previous doctor passed away and the sessions with him were tolerable because he had a funny side to him. I need laughter to open up, i cant stand seriousness. I think i'll skip this one and try find my perfect match. Why cant we test drive them 1st? Lol

Deadringer.. oh ok, i misunderstood u there. Yeah i get what u mean now, but i cant talk with him without turning things into an arguement- he rubs me the wrong way sometimes. Aries ppl dont seem to like talking about things or maybe its him who has communication issues. I can be a nag at times so i dont blame him, lol. Im just watching things for now and i havent seen anything fishy yet.

WaterCup try going to a female therapist, you'll feel so much more comfortable with a woman and most likely be able to expose more of your concerns easily as for the past haunting you well in this case I don't think that's the case, he has a phone number in his cellphone that shouldn't be there, you're not over exaggerating this one, you have every right to be feel concerned, the therapy is great to get your own issues sorted out but let's face it there is a friendship of some kind developing between himself and a co-worker or her number wouldn't be in his phone, I don't know one married woman that would be okay with that, too many women falling for male co-workers in the work place and that would be a concern for any married woman.

I think you're owed an explanation, hubby is slipping LOL, he most likely didn't intend for you to see that number....Keep your eyes peeled okay b/c if that number continues to show up in his phone then you can be sure something is going on be it emotional cheating via the disguise of a friendship or something else.

If it comes down to it...Call the bitch and threaten to report her to human resources, tell her to back the fuck off....

I don't think this has been mentioned yet- but don't you guys think it says something that he put a woman's number in his phone 1) And made no attempt whatsoever to hide it 2) Even though he knows his wife has full access to said cell phone?

If he was doing something dubious, I think it would have been more obvious. As has been mentioned before- Aries = HORRIBLE liars. You'd be able to tell if he was lying to you and he would have tried to hide the number (poorly) if he felt any shame about having it.

Also! Good luck going to see the therapist, WC! I've been to a few solo and my boyfriend and I do counselling together sometimes. I haven't found my perfect match yet either, but getting your feelings out in a safe zone certainly helps. No one communicates flawlessly- whether we're talking about your inner dialogue with yourself or conversations with your SO. Having a neutral party to help you see what you can't sometimes certainly helps. 🙂

After you get comfortable, maybe it would help to bring your husband in on some sessions too?

Thanks aliaries. He is against going into therapy even though he needs it- he has major anger issues. And he is so blind to his faults, he thinks he is perfect, lol. He also says its (therapy) against his culture, him being arab and a muslim. For now his only solution to things is prayer.

Some men do dirt OUT IN THE OPEN, back in the day maybe bu TODAY a lot of men are not like they used to be as in hiding every damn thing all the time, it's easier to stick the wrong doing right up under her nose b/c look at how she reacted, she ran to therapy instead of confronting the situation head on, she didn't actually get to the bottom of it which is exactly how he expected her to react and/or he was slipping and forgot to get rid of the number either way having the number is not a good sign.

Him being Arab/Muslim in his culture a lot of the men feel ENTITLED to do what they wanna do so yeah it make sense he's not hiding anything, makes sense he doesn't want to go to therapy, he expects her to put up with it like the women in his culture are taught to do. He can't pray everything away but he sure can try.