Never get too comfortable with your Aquas...

Bijou said"

"Well, you said you blocked me, but we'll see if you did.

I'm surprised at how little empathy you are showing for this guy. Goodbyes aren't easy for most people but for some reason a lot of men have difficulty with them. Women are wanting the cuddles the romance the sweet words and most of the time we get grunts and distance and attitude. Is it because they can't wait to get away to the glorious arms and charms of foreign women??

NO..it's that they are leaving us behind and they won't know what we get up to. Plus, you know, they've been conditioned to not show their emotion. And for Pete's sake, get a grip, hellllooooo...Aqua male? Emotion? Are there bells going off now?

Try to leave your Leo behind on this one. You are not going to be the center of attraction. You are staying behind and he's going off to new territory. Treat him like the big hero and write or call him every day to hear what new discoveries he's made on his voyage. Be the faithful girlfriend instead of pouting and causing him to go crazy wondering what you are doing - he may not waste time figuring it out but will meet someone himself.

Or..you know..you CAN torment him a little."



I believe he's trying to protect himself from the goodbyes and the distance.

I'm kind of dealing with the same problem 🙂
I last saw my darling aqua the day before yesterdag and then he stayed for dinner but had to leave soon because one of his friends went out for a drink.
I don't have a problem with that! But he didn't text or anything later on that night.
Yesterday he started talking on msn in the evening. I'm usually very "talkative" hehe, but he really use to respond to that but now he was all: uhu, hehe, yeaah, blabla. I need feedback since I feel like I have been locked up for weeks ever since those exams started!!! And he's acting civil but SO NOT INTERESTED... drives me crazy 🙂 grrrr!
And so I went to bed with a simple "bye" while he was actually pretty nice to me. But "goodnight babe xXx" for me is kinda... "okhhhay then..........." same old same old.
I felt guilty OF COURSE this morning so I text him something silly. He replies, and says he's bored at work so I send a dumbcrazyfunny message his way and I get... nothing...

*sigh* *sigh* *SIGH* 😄

And -my o my- I so hate myself for acting this way hehe

Hmmmm I feel like shooting myself in the head
what a wonderful new feeling!

shooting yourself in the head?

I think you need more time alone with yourself lol

no man is that intense

lol @ M

that's something i would've done.

Maybe it's not that this guy has shown LESS affection towards you, but instead maybe the problem is that you're expecting MORE affection just because he is leaving. And to be honest, I'm not even a guy but I do understand that men deal with leaving (even for a short while) differently then others. Women love that mushy stuff, they want the guy to shower them with affection as if they're leaving & never coming back for us. And men try to still remain down to earth the whole time. They know they're coming back. He probably feels this way: He's shown you ENOUGH affection & enough cuddling to get you to the point of you missing him even if he leaves for a few days & he knows that you'll still be there when he gets back. If I were you, I wouldn't make such a big deal out of it. It would be different if this guy changed his modes of affection all day everyday, when you guys ARE around each other but how he reacts when he's about to vacation for a few days comes down to who's more selfish & stubborn. Sometimes it's not that the guy is suddenly acting strange, but instead it is that the women turn up their "cuddling expectancy" a few notches & then suddenly get disappointed when they don't get the amount of affection they were requesting. If I were you, I'd wait till he gets back & THEN see if this lack of affection is still present. If it is, THEN you might have a problem & it'll definetely be a symbol that something might be wrong but until then, hey, if you miss him, don't be stubborn & pretend like you don't because it will backfire on you. The best game to play is NO game. And yes it's true that some men prefer to suddenly detached from their loved ones right before they leave because it's easier for them to make their exit without showing too much emotion (which is far beyond just an Aqua thing). Have you ever thought that he's doing exactly what you're doing? You claim you're not going to contact him because deep down it'll probably suite your ego if you pretend (keyword) that him being gone doesn't somewhat bother you. And on his part, he might feel the same way, might really miss you & might really hate leaving, but instead of overshadowing you with affection (more than normal) he might be trying to subdue his feelings in order to suite his OWN ego (the same way you're handling it). I think you both are going to miss eachother for these next 5 days, but the difference in this situation is that both of you handle saying "goodbye" differently.

Now this is very interesting....someone deleted my post. I must have said something that was a bit too close for comfort 😉

I think I gave away the ending of this story.

ooooops.

Well in this case, you've got to use your morals to either stay in or get out of this situation. First off, we are all adults here & I'm assuming he is one too. It's kind of high school when someone comes to you with a pretty BIG accusation & can't back up his claims. Sure, he can use the trick of saying "Why should it matter who told me" but then again, you should be able to use your own judgement to decide if this guys is completely making this up to test you out (typical Aqua) or if this guy really is believing what he might actually be hearing. And secondly, any time two people become commmited, they should ALWAYS talk things out when there is a potential threat to the relationship (E.I. someone outside of the relationship claiming there is betrayal going on inside of the relationship). If the two of you can easily be broken because of he-said, she said then that means 1 of 2 things. Either 1) Him accusing you FIRST without asking you first is a sign that the foundation of the friendship/relationship is not that strong if it can be broken or brought down by anyone else other than the two of you. And 2) If this guy is turning cold & continuing to believe in what he's heard, regardless of what you're admitting or denying, this is a friendship that will not last that long. Once Aquas believe something, it is VERY hard to get them to change their opinions or how they go about expressing how they truly feel. So if you don't like how he's acting now, LEAVE because this is how Aquas get their reputation for being cold & detached. Don't worry about who told him anything because that is completely irrelevant. Ok, so let's say he DID tell you. What can you possibly do? Go confront that other person? Sure, you might, but in the long run that doesn't mean that confronting the other person will make things better with you & your Aqua. This is a mere test of the friendship & his actions resemble the true Aqua when we feel threatened or when we even see 1% potential of being hurt. If you don't like his way of handling things (being cold, being rude, taking on a very arguementative tone) then get out now because this is just the beginning. If the two of you had a strong foundation, the 2 of you should've been able to talk this out without all the arguing & this guy would've trusted you enough to reveal his sources to you, but since he DIDN'T, take this as a way of you seeing how strong you two really were.

The only negative things about this situation is, if you decide to patch things up with this Aqua in the long run, expect for this situation to come up again in the future. The only way your Aqua will not let this situation get in between his true feelings for you is if his mind changes, meaning he'll have to completely 100% stop his own belief that you're seeing someone else. If he patches things up with you only 75% (enough to get things rolling again), there will always be that 25% of caution in him that will always bother him & eventually his own pride & his own ego will no longer allow for him to carrying out the friendship/relationship. So if you can't get him to believe you, then you might as well consider the relationship over (long term) because once we Aquas feel we are even 2% betrayed, we take it as being 100% betrayed, thus our relationship with that person will never again be the same.
Now, him being all non-chalant & cold towards your dogs is another Aqua thing. He might really feel that you are betraying him while he is away, so his way of stinging you a little is to completely disregard anything that is important to you (since he figures you just did the same thing to him). And honey, the FIRST & BEST way to really piss off an Aqua is to ignore them. If you ignore his calls, in the beginning it will drive him crazy but EVENTUALLY he'll start to use his OWN imagination & completely turn the tables on you when he stops calling you (leaving you surpised). If you want to work things out deep down, answer the phone. But if only want to add to his anger, keep ignoring him. I hope everything works out for you!

LA, I say this because I love you.

I think he's cheating.

...and is a cheater, i.e., is not going to change anytime soon, and the only reason he fell in love with the last girl is because she didn't give a rip about him.

Narcissist.

Hey Krys...thanks for your response - I always love reading them because they're totally unbiased 😉
I don't think anyone has told him anything (sorry if I mislead you here) I think he's cooked this all up in his own head. He has serious insecurities (I understand where they come from...he grew up with a lisp, is dyslexic and was very protected by his parents as a child, has had girls he loved go off on affairs etc.)and this is not the first time he has implied that I'm a player. I do flirt (I'm Leo and sometimes I do it just for the sake of seducing - I admit my problems at least) and I think he has this impression, possibly because I told him that at the end of my marriage I did have a bit of a physical thing with a work mate (no sex and it's a long story as to how I eventually got there) that I am a player - he's said this on countless occasions. I've tried to make him feel safe and I thought we were making progress but possibly with distance between us now he's slipped back. He also didn't accuse me of being guilty of messing around with another man, he just said I'm guilty - whether he means of neglecting his dogs or messing around or robbing the South African Revenue bank I don't know—?
I never heard from him again yesterday - didn't think he'd call or text because of the reception he might get. So around 8pm I sent one saying dogs are fine. He replied that he hopes I'm also fine and asked how my dog is?? I just replied saying that my dog is doing ok for now. He then sent a picture message of himself and his mate in London with a caption, "wish you were beer...". It's obviously a play on words, beer vs here - he'd never stoop to soppy stuff and say here. Now I see this as a suck up and it didn't' actually go down very well but I didn't reply - rather no words than ugly words.

Oh and look what the cat dragged in...LEOKITTEN!! WHERE OH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN OL' GAL?? AND HOW'S THINGS IN THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE— Funny you always show up where I've been posting?? You're not a stalker are you...ha ha don't fret I'm yanking your chain.

LK you make me laugh....way back in Feb when I mentioned that whole scenario, you accussed me of being a paranoid and jealous woman—? Now that it suits you and your catty ways you decide he did in fact cheat back in Feb when he hugged a woman in a pub— (This is not considered cheating by the way). Which he claims he never did....he did confess to NOT doing it if you recall but did admit to trying to mind fuck me, which is what pissed me off, NOT the fact that he'd hugged a woman, or that I thought I'd seen him hug a woman. Perhaps you wouldn't recall though because you always half read everything and then comment on the butt end you got.

"....he did confess to NOT doing it if you recall but did admit to trying to mind fuck me,"

Oh dear....LA, let me ask you a question as I am very curious - why in the world would you want to be with someone who wants to "mind fuck" you? apparently this is one of his ways to manipulate you (emotional abuse), he possess this and to me personally, it is a character flaw and you are ok with it? Yes, you are okay with it because you are with him.

LK is correct in saying that you most likely are justifying his past behaviour for his present being. I see it as well.

"so YES your childhood experiences most definately effect your adult way of thinking and anyone who tells you differently is an imbecile."

NO, they do not unless of course YOU choose for them to. There are many people who do hold onto their past and carry it within throughout their lives and in each one of their relationships and then.....there are others who have recognized their past (became AWARE) and have found that it no longer serves them - they have learned to change their thoughts which then will effect their behaviour. Soon they find their whole world has changed and in a very positive way. So yes, this is very possible. It comes down to your belief system....if you believe it is possible, it is - if you believe it is not, then true that - it will not be.

How long have you been going out with this guy? It doesn't sound like it has been that long. Lemme guess, not more than 6 months? That may explain your complete lack of knowledge of this guy since you hardly know him. There doesn't seem to be any sense of trust, friendship and sense of commitment between you two.

It's quite telling that already you're dissecting your relationship revolving around how he went away and him being away for only a few days. Never did you say you were able to talk to him about your feelings in an honest and mature manner. Spending time together physically doesn't seem to bring you closer so don't use how many days of a week you spend together as a measure of your commitment. Obviously it isn't. I had a long distance relationship with someone that I shared a sense of trust and commitment more with than what you're experiencing.

See this as a test and see where your relationship needs work. Talk to him about it openly and work together to deepen your relationship. If you two can't get past your 'past', then you're destined to remain stuck in a constant push-pull drama.

So LK what do you suggest— Yes I have made excuses for his bad behaviour over time and yes I have tolerated a lot of his shit. Bottom line is he's 50% good and 50% bad. I love him, I told him that and a week later he told me the same. It took 11 months for us to get to that so I believe that both of us meant what we said. But yes there are some pretty bad factors here that don't make up for a good relationship. I could end it, it would hurt for months to come but I'd heal and move on. It would hurt him too, he's said as much. But something's gotta give here. What do you suggest— Please put your Aquarius/Men experiences aside and tell me what you suggest I do??

Ok LK let me try it your way:
Why am I in the relationship??
Because it is entertaining, it's familiar, it's become a part of me now, I would miss him if he weren't there, I love him, I'm comfortable around him. Also it seems more appealing being with him than with anybody else ? there's nobody else I'd want to be with.
Why do I make excuses for his behaviour?? Because on the hand I understand his way of thinking and where it comes from. But on the other I probably make those excuses because I don't want to face the truth and that is that he is a selfish, self-centered, manipulative shithead at the best of times. His friends will even tell you that! But in the second breath they'll tell you how generous he is, how helpful, how supportive?
Is this type of relationship what I want?? It is and it isn't. Right now, fresh out of a divorce it kind of suits me being tied to someone but not living with or constricted by the boundaries of a tight relationship i.e. living together that sort of thing. On the other hand I know that it can't possibly stay this way and last and whilst I suppose I'd like to keep the relationship at this level I'd also like for more?in more in an emotional bond kind of way without the husband/wife ties. Can you have this—
Lastly I do give too much I admit. I don't know why I do it ? I did this with my ex-husband too. Went to the end of the world for him and then started to resent him when he didn't appreciate me. I feel this same resentment creeping in now?.I just don't know how to say no without being nasty? Guess I'm going to have to learn. Don't offer unless you're asked, if you're asked only do it if it's something you want to do?and how now after being this way do I go to holding back without coming across as ?having changed? ?? Do you gradually stop doing so much or just turn around and say, hey I think I do too much for you so no I'm not helping you with this—
He's best friend and work colleague said to me the other day that Mr. Aqua told him I'm the best thing that's happened to him in years. I asked why then doesn't he show any appreciation to which the friend replied because you allow him to push you around. Eventually he'll bore of you and really start treating you like shit just like he did all his ex's ? because they let him get away with it. He wants something who won't? Was this a warning?? Duh? Of course it was.
He does support my feelings ? those I let him in on (I'm not too big on really letting h

him into my life just yet and kind of keep him at bay ? it's almost like I have my life perfectly compartmentalized, there's work, friends, family and him and I know this needs to stop but when I'm well and ready). But what I do share with him he pretty much takes on himself ? he always says that I waste money going to therapy (have been since my divorce) because I can speak to him and he won't charge ? perhaps he's waiting for me to open up I don't know?? I'm just too proud for him to know half what worries me during the day.
I'm giving you some insight into me too now, because I always talk about him.
Sorry my language skills have abandoned me?.I just read through my previous post!

Hey, sorry been too busy to post but basically he got back last week Wed's and we had the talk. Told him that I'd considered calling it a day and that I've really had enough of his lack of appreciation. He listened and then replied with a, "but I do appreciate everything". He spoilt me rotten with gifts - and no it's not about the gifts it's about the thought that whilst he spoilt me rotten nobody (not even his poor mother) got a damn thing. So it was about the thought. I got one from each of the dogs to say thank you for looking after them and then some from him....again not the gifts that softened me but the thought behind them. I didn't show too much enthusiasm over them and simply said ok well let's see from here. Since then he's been somewhat different. I get the feeling the break actually did us some good - like only when you miss someone do you realise their worth?? I moved house over the weekend and guess who did all the hard work?? Him, I told him I'd need his help and left it at that - he arranged the van and did all the lifting etc. with a helper. He almost seemed chuffed that for once I needed him and not the other way around. Sunday evening he had quite a large work function on which usually I'd assist with - I went as a guest and well...I was treated as one all night - I didn't lift my arse to help. I'm going away next weekend on a girl's weekend and guess who's looking after my dogs....?? You guessed right.
I've just kind of, gently allowed him to do more for me and held back on what I do for him. He had this thing where provided I go to the store to buy the food (he has a pet hate for grocery stores) he'd cook. I stopped that too - he's now bought the food and cooked it and I assist where necessary.
I see a little more give from his side and I think that he believed that when he'd get back from Europe I'd pull a Dear John - I'd told his best mate as much one night whilst he was gone in a temper and I think it might've been repeated to him. Well he got a pretty big talking to and no he never messed around in Europe - I addressed this with him and told him that he'd been acting suspicious by accusing me...he turned around and swore on his dog's lives that no he hadn't (not something I'd have made him do) but since they are his everything I left it at that. Since then things have been calm, fine and dandy.
We'll see....

At the end of the day we do love each other and sometimes you feel the need to at least try - I'm glad now

I know I'm all late chiming in to the original post, but hey.

I can tell you, being a full-on female Aquarian, that I live from my head, not my heart. This may be true for other Aquarians.

My best friend is a male Aquarius and we've been friends for 10 years now. Neither of us clings to the other or needs reassurance that we love each other. We just know, and knowing is enough.

A surefire way to piss me off is to smother me or try to confine me in any way. This includes mental manipulation. I won't allow anyone to control me -- friend, family member or lover. My radar is always up for this.

I observe other people's relationships, and I see A LOT of co-dependency and emotional manipulation going on and I'm like WTF?

Why can't people just love each other AND respect each other's right to be a person? Why does it have to result in a "we're now one person" type of deal? No, we're two. I'm me, and you're you. WE love each other. WE are NOT each other.

I can walk away from a relationship for reasons that have NOTHING to do with that person, but all to do with either myself or external factors. Yet, I find most people internalize this and feel all dejected.

The Aquarian is self-absorbed. It's usually about us, not about you.

Oprah ain't married, and neither is Jennifer Aniston. It's hard being an Aquarian.

I suppose you're correct, leokitten.

The reason why many Aquarians make no apologies for being detached is because our very nature is not something we created. If our astrological sign is notorious for being detached and unemotional, is it really a crime on the Aquarian's part?

Is it a Scorpio's fault that they think about sex all the time, hold a grudge forever and seek revenge?

Is it a Leo's fault that they like to be bossy and to be the center of attention?

Every sign has its pluses and minuses. Nothing and no one is all good or all bad. We are all a liberal mix of both.

"You'll feel too proud to contact him...."

I'm sure he won't miss you too much, even if he does he wont show it. Hell, I wouldn't ... besides this is exactly I dislike about women, reading too much into shit like this. Next thing you know they come and post about every minor thing on a board like this.

PS: Ive posted twice earlier, forgot my stupid username. I remember posting here in the thread "Aquarius vs scorpio" cuz I found the entire episode to be hilarious.

How the heck do you edit posts here? oO Anyway, I just read 'LeoAqua's' most recent post in this thread and I guess all's well bwahahahah. She's amusing.

Hope my question is somehow relevant. I really need an advise from both sides, females attracted to aquas and men in general and also fellow aquas. Do you find the friendly nature of an aqua a turn off or not intrigue (hope it's the right word) in order to date him ? I hate when girls misinterpret that and they feel you like a friend but again I can't help it, all my actions are based on friendship, even the dating part.

I agree LK - just see...
We were both horribly sick with the flu this weekend...it's was rather cute the two of us sick patients trying to nurse each other back to health. I did all the meds and he made sure we ate good wholesome healthy food all weekend - flamed in Tequila but anyhow. So we holed up the entire weekend and he said a couple of things that made me think and I in turn said what I felt. He admitted that he cannot understand why we spend so much time together - said that he doesn't want to because he doesn't want us getting bored but he can't help it. Said we might as well just live together. I said but when I decline you sulk? He also feels that I flirt with other men way too much and that whilst he can flirt and doesn't see too much wrong in it because it's flattering and builds self-esteem he feels that I get too touchy and would prefer I stop and keep it light if I have to continue flirting with other men. Sounds bizaree but since we're both flirts he's at least accomodating this but with boundaries. He also voiced concern over the fact that my male friends come over to visit and he'll only find out about it 3 days later by coincidence but he never feels comfortable having female friends over because of how I might react. Told him that he's a big boy and he knows what's right and wrong - having a girl friend over is fine, getting drunk and shagging her is not. He agreed and we concluded by saying that if we're going to be together we just have to trust one another. I do think I'm going to start declining get togethers more often though - he's happy to spend 6 of 7 nights a week together and I feel for a while anyway I may cut this down to less. I just think he's battling to come to terms with this new phase in his life (this involved with someone stage) and whilst on the one hand he wants it and cannot stop it he's scared of what else he might be sacrificing - guess he needs time and space and I'll happily give it to him.
After that I had a nap and came downstairs to find that he'd moved all the furniture around in the kitchen to set a table for two right next to the fire place (it's winter here!) with candles, a glass of red the works and had cooked a gourmet meal. How can I not love him— Hope you're still amused Aquadingdong—

No, now I'm just bored because it seems like a near perfect relationship. I strive for instabilities in mine, thats way more amusing and challenging.
Picture it like a seesaw, apply pressure on one end, spend time correcting the imbalance and experiment to check and see how much time it takes to get it to reach equilibrium.

@Tas: not all girls dig mysterious guys. Friendship is a subset of love, mathematically, so don't doubt yourself. If you thought you sent a 'friendly' signal to a girl your interested in, then change your angle of approach. Something has to give.

You seem to contradict yourself LeoAqua. First, you want him to act like he's committed to you but yet when he makes steps towards it you step back. This whole episode should have made you both think about what you want, it's pretty clear what he wants from you but you seem to enjoy the chaos. You had a chance to think for yourself what you really wanted with this man and discuss it. The conclusion I got (probably what he got) is that you don't want to commit fully to him but you don't want him to be with anyone else. This is always a problem in relationships because you are still in commitment limbo with trust still an issue.

He seems to be willing and you may need to seriously question whether or not you really want this man in your life. He shouldn't just be an amusement or an ego boost or a 'filler' until the right one comes along. Again, I don't know how long you've been together but I am surprised at how your feelings seem to be more about whether or not he's cheated on you and playing games of 'pulling back' (ego) rather than wanting the relationship to progress (love).

Hey Mistery,

No please don't get me wrong. I want him in my life - can't imagine him not being there right now. We're just too involved in each other to let go now. I guess just cold feet from time to time.
I'm completely loyal to him and I do think that he's past aside (he was known as the promiscuous bachelor before I met him!!) he's loyal to me. He cannot keep away, Monday he conveniently had dinner in my neck of the woods so that I couldn't refuse joining him - I did however decline going home with him afterwards which seemed to rattle him a bit - I really don't want to smother him even if it is on his initiation. Yesterday I spent the night with him - we had a fantastic time actually.
I think this goes for both of us....we've been hurt, never planned to fall in love and wham next thing it's in your face and you can't make it go away. You want it but you're just so scared....so I think perhaps the best way is to do it slowly, adjust progressively, which is what I'm doing and I think him too, but every so often one of us gets a little impatient and then anxious...I suppose the trick is to just take a breather and feel comfortable again with what we have now.

AquaLeo,

I am pretty new to this forum, but I have been reading your posts and last night when I was reading something, not related to astrology, about how men and women interact, I thought of your situation:

This guy who wrote a book about relationships has the point of view that since men has such a hard time opening up and expressing feeling, a relationship in which a woman can act as the barometer is what men deep down desire. That is, they will go along with a women they love as long as the woman seem happy and is up front, in a non-confrontational way, about anything that bothers her. I was thinking that this may be even true more so for aquas since they are even worse at dealing with feelings than most other signs--and perhaps that is what all the testing is really about: testing that you can stand being the barometer even with when confronted aqua's coolness and aloffness. If as a woman, you can proove that you can still act as a barometer for what an aqua feel deep down even though at the surface they can be weird and sometimes seem as they are almost gone, you have gotten their heart!!

Following that theory, if you seem happy and set the direction for the relationship, he will follow!! Does it make sense? It just made a lot of sense to me with this aqua guy that I really thought I had a connection with, and when I thought I should act back cool and give him space and forced him to confront his feelings, he ran away and has not come back yet!

LeoAqua said, "I think this goes for both of us....we've been hurt, never planned to fall in love and wham next thing it's in your face and you can't make it go away. You want it but you're just so scared...."

Well that explains a lot 😉! I'm rooting for your happiness, both of you, I want you to know that.