Aries chat/vent thread (Page 3)

Rockyroadicecream may you get as much time as possible with her. Be prepared for everything but still hope for the best and I'm hoping for your strength in this time.

I said a prayer.

Love her up Rocky.

Thanks

Amy..


*hugs you*

😢

Yeah, she was put into hospice today and they just have her on pain meds to make her comfortable. A little over a week ago, I was able to talk to her and she was up and around. :/

Last night, a friend ("friend") was chatting with me via text and had asked if I'd finally made it to bed (1-2am). I said no, I was at the computer because I needed to start doing some funeral home research. As soon as I said it I knew it was a little tmi and might make things awkward. But sorry, this is my life atm. Just being honest too, you know?

So I followed with "sorry, tmi, but it's why I'm up this late."

Him- "egh, yeah it is."

I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit wtf. He knows what's going on with me atm. I always allow some leeway in what people say in regard to these things because not everyone knows how to respond or handle serious situations like this. But it just struck me as a highly inappropriate thing to say.

It's like yeah I'm tired as fuck but I need to look into this because fml, you know? I apologize for being a little too honest since I know it could be a little womp womp on the convo and the response I get is "yeah it is tmi." Whereas another friend says, "it's okay."

Thanks...

/ rant.

I think it's just a little more agitating since this guy is also rather self absorbed, hasn't stepped up to be any sort of supportive (with this or much else), dropped out of the convo last night when I needed someone to chat with just to get my mind off of things- only for him to pick up on it 12 hours later- "sorry, I fell asleep" (convo ended around 1am and he responds at 10 pm the next day). Wow, okay. I knew the guy was immature as eff, but Jebus. :/ Definitely am just sticking to talking about things with the other friends who have awesomely stepped up for this.

People are just so effing amazing. I've been through this for a 4th time now in my life. I'm always still amazed in how people will react to situations like this. I know they're awkward and when someone has never experienced something like this, it's hard for them to relate so I shrug off the awkward, canned responses. They mean well. But sometimes, the shit that people say/do is just absolutely inappropriate and makes you wonder wtf they're thinking.

However, serious times like these also are a good litmus test into seeing who your real friends are.

AND might I add, my lovely Scorp friend has half assed things a bit. He did send out a really sweet text the day I informed our mutual friends of the situation. They were supposed to have a Thanksgiving thing at his house and I'd only texted the mutual friends initially because they knew how serious things were. I guess they told him because they were flaking on his thing and came over to the hospital to support me (which I was floored by, tbh).

While I give him credit for the sweet message, when I followed up with her hospice status, he never responded.

Just more lovely stuff from the Scorp friend. Hope he shows up to the funeral. :/


Anyway, thanks for tolerating my rambling. This is the first time I've really talked about any of it in the entire week this has all happened. I've been through this before, but the last time I dealt with losing a parent was 15 years ago. Two grandparents since, but I've been caretaking for my mom for 3 years. It's been really rough and there are just small things I wish I'd handled differently. Maybe if I'd done this sooner or set that up differently if things would have been different. :/ Been stressing for the last month, not eating much, been totally sleep deprived, etc. I'm tired.

RRI You have every right to feel any way you please. When my dad passed I learned everyone around me. Now you do not have to apologize for being tired during hospice, planning a funeral alone, and being exhausted over a holiday.

Especially now believe how people treat you in your time of need. Those that cancelled to be at the hospital cared enough to be there. Those that told you a dying parent was tmi are not worth further time in your future. Take the time and space you need to gain your peace.

And by all means in her finals days love on her. That is one luxury I was not afforded because my dad died suddenly after improving. He knew I loved him, but I really wish I was there those final moments.

You have done everything as you should at the time when it was presented to you, do not sit back and beat yourself up about that here and now. Just handle what you can and delegate what you can not. I am hopeful for your best in this difficult time.

Posted by Flavia


You have done everything as you should at the time when it was presented to you, do not sit back and beat yourself up about that here and now. Just handle what you can and delegate what you can not. I am hopeful for your best in this difficult time.

I was able to finally get a hold of her oncologist today and talk to him about the entire thing and he answered a lot of questions and "what ifs" I had about the situation. It was very reassuring, along with being able to discuss things with the hospice RN. For the first time in 4 days I finally felt at ease (my brother also had a sense of feeling at ease today). I had these conversations in my mom's room.

My brother told me that he'd told her to wait for him before she chose to go. We both wanted to be there if we could help it. I finally went to work for the first time since the day before Thanksgiving. I got a phone call in the middle of work.

My brother said she left shortly after he got there and talked to her. She waited. She also followed my lead when, earlier today, I told her it was okay to let go and that my dad was waiting for her.

My aunt and uncle, who live in, what was my Grandma's house/the house we all grew up in, said a lot of weird, haunted stuff had been going on the last 4 days. They think it was my grandma trying to tell them something. My dad also showed up in a dream of mine the morning of the day she went to the hospital. He'd been waiting for her in my dream. It'd freaked me the hell out when I woke up. I went down and gave her a hug, it had startled me so much.

It's just been kinda weird because we all were relating stories. My grandparents and dad were ready for her. My grandparents always worried about my mom, and my dad was my mom's love of her life.

/random thoughts

My condolences, may you be surrounded with comfort. Everyone came to welcome her and I assume also to bring you all peace as she crossed over

Right? I didn't even know about the stuff at my Grandma's house until after my mom had passed and my aunt and uncle shared all the misc. things that had happened all weekend.

Coffee machine clicking on and off, even though it was unplugged. (they also don't unplug the coffee machine)

Flashes of light.

The heater turning on by itself.

They said it had been happening since after my mom had been admitted to hospice. My brother said he'd felt my dad's presence in ICU and in the hospice room when my mom went. It's definitely kind of mind blowing but reassuring.

I'm gonna miss her like crazy, but I'm happy she's back with my dad. She never really recovered fully from his death. It could be maddening at times. Looking back, her entire aura/vibe the last 2 months or so had been different. I think she was just tired. I don't blame her. :/

Also, another really odd thing was that both my brother and I, when discussing Christmas stuff, couldn't begin to think of things for my mom. I had already worked with her to get him his birthday/Christmas stuff and had already bought some things. But with her? It was like a total mental block. He had the same thing.

Sorry for the rambling but just so many of these little things kinda tripped us out.

The dream I had, the mental block, the weird things at my grandma's house, the way she passed, etc.

It's all oddly comforting. We were arranging services today and I wasn't even remotely upset the entire time we were there. If anything, my brother and I were actually happy that we were able to manage such a nice service for her with our small budget. We feel we owe her a really nice ceremony. My dad didn't get a very good one no thanks to some questionable family members, so we're hell bent on giving her something nice. I had been so frustrated calling around to funeral homes and then we found this one that has been utterly amazing. It's been a blessing in disguise, really.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

I'm gonna miss her like crazy, but I'm happy she's back with my dad. She never really recovered fully from his death. It could be maddening at times. Looking back, her entire aura/vibe the last 2 months or so had been different. I think she was just tired. I don't blame her. :/

She fought hard and I know what you mean about the aura changes. I am sure they are happy to be together.

Posted by rockyroadicecream


It's all oddly comforting. We were arranging services today and I wasn't even remotely upset the entire time we were there. If anything, my brother and I were actually happy that we were able to manage such a nice service for her with our small budget. We feel we owe her a really nice ceremony. My dad didn't get a very good one no thanks to some questionable family members, so we're hell bent on giving her something nice. I had been so frustrated calling around to funeral homes and then we found this one that has been utterly amazing. It's been a blessing in disguise, really.

click to expand

I think you both made peace and are happy for her not being in pain anymore. Also it is awesome that you can give her a good service. Family does get weird during these times, so it is good that your brother and you have the final say on her service. May you continue to have peace and comfort in the days to come RRI.

Thanks. 🙂

I'm not understanding how diabetes translates into an end of life scenario. The dementia is more concerning if anything.

In regard to your uncle- it's a guy thing. Guys are utterly retarded and useless when it comes to stuff like this. I went through the same thing with my brother and I can't even count how many times I've had healthcare workers had similar experiences with patients or their own family members. For me, it was like pulling teeth to get him to step up and help. It was a huge source of stress for me in all the time I was taking care of my mom. I just knew I couldn't rely on him and ended up handling almost all of it on my own.

See if your mom is able to get any sort of assistance at home for your grandparents. There has to be agencies out there that can step up and offer services.

Yeah, but still. My mom lived with diabetes along with mild congestive heart failure, HBP and high cholesterol for quite a long time. It was managed with medications and diet (it was tough getting her to get up and move around because of her chosen life style ). I know it's not a reassuring anecdote considering she just died, but she lived 14 years post diagnosis without any complications from diabetes.

Hell, the COPD is more concerning along these lines. Diabetes is very well managed with the right medications.

That said, my point is to not stress over it too much. I'm sure it's maddening to be yet another issue. Believe me, I just went through the same thing with my mom- just one damned thing after another and it's frustrating. However, don't get too stressed over the diabetes diagnosis. You can keep it under control with diet and medication. ...which I'm sure may be difficult to do as well considering the dementia.

Hang in there and start doing your research into support care in regard to your grandparents. I'm not sure about where you live, but when it comes to healthcare and issues related, there's always a way to find support for misc. health conditions.

Posted by rockyroadicecream


In regard to your uncle- it's a guy thing. Guys are utterly retarded and useless when it comes to stuff like this. I went through the same thing with my brother and I can't even count how many times I've had healthcare workers had similar experiences with patients or their own family members. For me, it was like pulling teeth to get him to step up and help. It was a huge source of stress for me in all the time I was taking care of my mom. I just knew I couldn't rely on him and ended up handling almost all of it on my own.

I can see this as my brothers didn't accept my dad being ill until his condition deteriorated.

Quite a few of my friends have had similar experiences where the daughter or daughters are left caring for the parent as if they were the only children and the brother didn't exist.

Rambunctious76 make sure some days you stop and check your well being too. Caregivers have a tendency to stop taking care of themselves in situations like this, and that is something we should have done more of.

Posted by Rambunctious76
I live in Singapore.

They have a domestic helper who takes care of them, but she takes care mostly of my grandmother. We've pretty much spent less time on my grandfather because, unlike my grandmother, he doesn't complain and just does his own things.

So we have told the helper to spend more time on him from now on. Make sure he's eating right etc.

Well it's good that you have that working for you.

Posted by Flavia

I can see this as my brothers didn't accept my dad being ill until his condition deteriorated.

Quite a few of my friends have had similar experiences where the daughter or daughters are left caring for the parent as if they were the only children and the brother didn't exist.

Rambunctious76 make sure some days you stop and check your well being too. Caregivers have a tendency to stop taking care of themselves in situations like this, and that is something we should have done more of.

Agreed. I would just find free time to go spend with friends for the day/afternoon. It kept my sanity haha. I hadn't been able to in the last few months and it was amazing how much it wore me out and how much stress I had. Just the last month alone I was in a constant state of worry, lack of sleep/appetite.

Of course, my brother didn't understand how dire things were, which is why my stress was through the roof. I knew something was wrong, but was having a hard time pin pointing it. It wasn't until I was telling him we were heading to the ER he saw why I was stressing. And it's funny you mention the lack of existing. Anytime I'd talk to someone about the situation, they assumed I was an only child or asked where my brother was in all of this.

Posted by Rambunctious76


It's more my mum who will need the self-check. I make sure I maintain myself but my mum's stress levels spills over onto the rest of us.

My mum managed to get my uncle finally and are talking about sending my grandmother to geriatric daycare and also to see a psychiatrist who specialises in geriatric care, while the domestic helper takes care of my grandfather.

As usual, my uncle seems to think it's all about money.

click to expand

You should offer to take over for the day so she can get out and go do whatever she wants.

I have an aunt who has a similar "money" mindset. It's why when my mom was diagnosed 3 years ago, we didn't tell her about it until a year later after I'd gotten everything under control. The last time she "helped" my mom with some medical issues, she encouraged my mom to blow through her inheritance when it could have been handled differently. Seriously, 40k gone. I was so freaking pissed. As long as it's not HER money, she doesn't care.

Oy, family...

Something that's haunted me a bit on the astrological side is that when my Saturn return began, I could feel it. It's been a crazy ride since it started. When I read up about it, mine was a time of all these changes, and death was one that came up that stuck out to me. My mom had just been diganosed, so it left me a tiny bit worried. My kitty was also getting pretty old, and that came to mind as well.

I had to put my fur baby down last year and it sucked. She was my baby that I'd had since she was 6 weeks old and she was 16. She'd been through so much with me and my family. It hurt to have to make that choice.

So I was like well fuck, that Saturn return shit wasn't joking about death. This sucks.

Now this thing with my mom and it just pisses me off because it fucking sucks. I don't have any more parents and this bothers me. :/

For me it was the 2 year Scorpio thing that got me with my dad. Remember the returns that were not quite like this for you.

I had this happen four years straight about 12 or so years ago, did you as well? (I want to say we are about the same age)The numerology of their birthdates is a good indicator too.

Be at peace as much as you can be, and may you have comfort beyond your understanding

I'm not sure. Fourteen years ago, I had the major move back to Cali (uprooted my life in the middle of high school), my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away, my grandpa passed away 2 months later, and I had a break down in the middle of class once all of this caught up to me.

...maybe it was around the same time? :/

A few years after, I dunno.

Posted by feby
I remember when you had to put your cat down....it's weird it's been a year already. I hope you're doing ok and everything is looking a bit brighter rocky.

A year and a half, actually. I agree, it doesn't seem that long ago either.

Curiousram...

Hugs.

I'm right there with you. Grandmother and mother called me to tell me they sold the apartment I live in and I should be out by the 1st of March.

Posted by Curiousram
Broke down crying today its been over a year and i thought i lost the ability to cry. My brother threatening to beat me up and calling me a worthless piece of shit (which is true ive failed to land a job to help out). I'm getting kicked out today and i just broke down crying. It really hurts as a cancer moon when both sides or family dont support you or on your side at all. It frustrates me when my mom took care of my brother tell he was 25 to talk down on me. I been living in depression for over a year now. I'm a failure at school and getting a job, to be honest i wanna kill myself. I just felt like ranting on here because this is the only place i can really let out my feelings. It feels really good to cry though i havent cried like this in so long. Hopefully on this day forward i can come out as a stronger person. I'm like weeping like a little baby as im typing this its really pathetic lol. My mom is a drug addict that is denial and insane and my brother and dad are the biggest pricks alive.

I'm sorry hun, I hope things work out for you *bighugs*

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by Damnata
Curiousram...

Hugs.

I'm right there with you. Grandmother and mother called me to tell me they sold the apartment I live in and I should be out by the 1st of March.

Need help looking for a new place?

click to expand

I'll be moving with my gay roommate and his bf to a different apartment. I think I will drift from friend to friend til I find a place.

I was in shock when I heard them, now my Virgo brain is thinking of ways to solve this.

The Romanian Aries Moon lives in Bucharest?

@Ram, no outcast, never... it's all a game. it goes only so down to just then go up again.

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
...
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you??re missin' home

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by Damnata
Curiousram...

Hugs.

I'm right there with you. Grandmother and mother called me to tell me they sold the apartment I live in and I should be out by the 1st of March.

Need help looking for a new place?

click to expand

I'll be moving with my gay roommate and his bf to a different apartment. I think I will drift from friend to friend til I find a place.

I was in shock when I heard them, now my Virgo brain is thinking of ways to solve this.

The Romanian Aries Moon lives in Bucharest?

Posted by Curiousram
Broke down crying today its been over a year and i thought i lost the ability to cry. My brother threatening to beat me up and calling me a worthless piece of shit (which is true ive failed to land a job to help out). I'm getting kicked out today and i just broke down crying. It really hurts as a cancer moon when both sides or family dont support you or on your side at all. It frustrates me when my mom took care of my brother tell he was 25 to talk down on me. I been living in depression for over a year now. I'm a failure at school and getting a job, to be honest i wanna kill myself. I just felt like ranting on here because this is the only place i can really let out my feelings. It feels really good to cry though i havent cried like this in so long. Hopefully on this day forward i can come out as a stronger person. I'm like weeping like a little baby as im typing this its really pathetic lol. My mom is a drug addict that is denial and insane and my brother and dad are the biggest pricks alive.

Stay encouraged Curiousram

Something I've noticed at work is that the coworkers who bring in food/make food for the work place just because have been Aries. Myself, and two others like to make things and bring them in for everyone.

I had this realization today and it made me lol.

Another random rambling- I get irritated with that whole "forgive and forget" shit we can be prone to at times. Things may irritate us and we get pissy, but as soon as we've calmed down, we're not mad about it anymore and almost can forget at times.

There's a "friend" (read: mostly acquaintance) of mine where I always do this and it's stupid because at times, I have to go back over texts and whatever to remind myself of what a tool this person is at times.

This one's been talking about how we're due to hang out. All this was happening prior to the situation with my mom. I finally had a free day off and asked if that Thursday would work. Because HE brought it up that we need to hang out, how he apologizes for it not happening, blah blah, all that dumb shit. He didn't answer, and by the time he did, I was in the ER at 3 am when I finally got the texts. They were obviously delayed by the service, but he replies with "Sorry, I already have a dinner."

So... why are you constantly telling me that you want to hang out, ask when I'm free, don't act upon it, and when I bring up MY free time, you've made other plans? So when did you exactly plan on doing this? Any time dude has free time, he uses it for everyone else. ...which is fine, but stop telling me you want to hang out, shit.

It's fucking stupid and I rarely even bother attempting anymore because it's pointless. BUT this is where the forget kicks in. I forgot all about this scenario. He's been awesome and been in a lot of contact recently to make sure I'm doing okay which is really sweet of him considering how spacey he can be. Me, being a forgetful idiot, asked about possibly doing something. "Oh, I have a few things coming up."

...one, mad at myself for bothering to ask. I should know better.

...two, oh of course. As always, all talk, no action. "I want to hang out, but I can never find the time because I make all my time for everyone else."

Damned Aries doop dee do bullshit. :/

I used to bake and bring in brownies and cookies to work. I also bring candy for people's kids for the holidays.

My placements make the forgive and forget harder and harder. I remember everything which makes it harder to move forward and a lot of times I can be detached. I used to feel like I wasn't a 'true Aries' when I got on this forum years ago until someone else pointed out having so much water and air in my chart makes me process a bit different than I was seeing (isn't it always easier to see other people than yourself?)

The free time people burnt me out until I am never free 🙂 Ever. It happened a lot and I just started focusing on me. If I run into them while out its whatever but I rarely run into anyone I know anywhere.

They always brought it up too. I bet if you look at it you will see that they needed something from you and when they found it elsewhere they made plans with another party that could provide it 😉

Oh no doubt that's the case. That's why I stopped bothering asking because it's like meh, don't give a shit if it actually happens anymore because you're full of it. I was just annoyed with myself that I had a lapse and asked, knowing full well I'd get a line of bs in the process.

And it's weird, the forgive and forget bit happens with some situations but not others. I have a lot of water in my chart too, and if someone fucks up well enough, then yes, I become detached and can move along without a second thought.

I think the fact that some people aren't actually seriously fucking me over/wronging me is why that forgive and forget crap happens sometimes. They're just being lame and inconsiderate. But people who have clearly done wrong have a hard time getting back on my good side.

Posted by rockyroadicecream


And it's weird, the forgive and forget bit happens with some situations but not others. I have a lot of water in my chart too, and if someone fucks up well enough, then yes, I become detached and can move along without a second thought.

I think the fact that some people aren't actually seriously fucking me over/wronging me is why that forgive and forget crap happens sometimes. They're just being lame and inconsiderate. But people who have clearly done wrong have a hard time getting back on my good side.

Exactly

lol moment for me- a coworker who I have a suspicion that may have a crush on me- I found out he's an Aries. His is like a week after mine haha.

So if someone had a giant sticker of their initials on the back of their car (takes up 80% of the window), would you consider this narcissism?