The Aries says sorry—?

SO anyone who has been following my stories have seen how much of a mess has happened. Well he is serious and he wants back into the marriage. He says he is not going to file for divorce even if i want him to and that he just should have said for us to be seperated for a while. Well it's been a month now and he's saying Sorry... I've moved out already..I've been out the house since a month ago and now he wants to start all over. Says that he is sooo in love with me and that he doesn't want to be with out me. I'm confused!!!

Can an aries really be sorry—? I mean i'm wondering if he means it.

I'm not giving in so easy though......

Sceptical as ever but my heart wants to give it another whearl.

I swear I love him so much and he wants to work it out..

How can you tell if an aries really means it or if it's just a matter of "wanting what you can't have"........

CW- what I can share with you is, for me as an Aries - I will not get back with someone unless I truly want to be with that person. We say what we mean - if we are not interested, there is NO way that we will be with someone just to be with them....this quality is not in our being for we are able to be on our own.

Personally, I feel that this time away from you gave him an opportunity to see where his heart really is, to gain clarity (I have done the same) it helps me to understand myself and my situation better. Believe him. He needed time away to understand and now he knows in which direction to go.

*sending an article below that might be helpful - hope it helps.

"Withthin every relationship, there are moments of non-relationship. Smart couples use these moments to take time alone to reconnect with self and to recharge. They don't end their relationship when the energy gets low. They don't have an affair. They give each other room to breathe. It might be for an hour or two, for a day or two...perhaps even for a month or two. Each person must find ways back into Self and that means disentangling from other. Each person must find time to ask the question "Who am I now?" The answer to this question changes from time to time. That is why we must not forget to ask the question. Relationship is both a journey into intimacy with another and a journey into intimacy with Self. We forget that. We think it's all about other, but that is not true. Indeed, if our journey into another's heart does not take us into your own, then our progress on the path is interrupted. We need time to internalize. We need time to breathe and be alone. It is part of the cycle. We move together and apart. If we do not move apart, we cannot come back together. You can't have a relationship with all highs and no lows. You can't have a relationship that is all together. Every relationship must fall apart, not just once but many times. That is how it grows, That is how new intimacy is achieved. Our models of relationship don't allow for his kind of interpersonal transformation within the context of a committed relationship. In our models, people either stay together in a frozen state, or they remain distant and uncommitted. People who stay together "no matter what" stop growing. They cannot even look at each other any more. Life energy leaves the relationship. It cannot abide the limiting patterns and structures. People who fear intimacy take a rocketship out of the relationship at the first sign of trouble. They move from lover to lover, never breaking through to the source of love, in themselves or in the other person. Some relationships have no staying power. Others have no transforming power. Real relationships require both."

Taken from DANCING WITH THE BELOVED by Paul Ferrini

DD and Freebird... Thank you for your honesty. I agree with you DD when you say that I don't tell him how I feel. That's always been hard for me. It's not so much that I don't believe him it's just that I wonder if he's more interested now because he doesn't want anyone else to have me. We've been doing a lot of talking and I want to move back into the house but we have things I we both believe we need to correct first. We are taking time to understand each other because we are very different. We are learning how to talk to each other without so many misunderstandings. I've learned that when he used to get loud when we would talk..it wasn't so much that he was yelling at me, but more so because he is aggressive with his emotions especially if he is hurt by something I say or if he has an opinion about something. I used to get offended by his getting loud and feel like he was trying to harp on me...(It's very rare that I'll raise my voice unless I'm angry and I've gotten to the point where I feel the other person isn't listening to me) but he does it when we talk. So now I understand it and it doesn't really bother me that much because I know that he doesn't really mean anything by it..he just wants me to understand. We've known each other for a long time, but I think we never really sat down and said.."ok we are different so if we want this to work we have to find a middle ground" I know I was part the blame and I see my faults..but I don't think it's so much the way that I see them, but more so the way he sees them.

Him saying sorry just came as a surprise because he never apologizes. I used to wonder if it was really possible for two people to be together for so long and one person in the relationship to never have to apologize or feel like they've done anything wrong..no one is that perfect. We are still in discussion over that matter.

I can see how my words can be misconstrued... even on this site, I'll type something and it is misunderstood or taken out of content. So I believe that I may have a problem with expressing myself the right way. I'm learning and though it makes me uneasy to hear things like you said DD... it just makes me further understand how my words my need to be rephrased on here and when in conversation with my husband. He always used to say that I didn't know how to talk to him...and there is truth in that, but now it's just finding the right way to talk to where he doesn't feel disrespected and I'm not misunderstood.

Freebird, you are right stepping back out of a relationship does help you see things clearly. I've had to battle with seeing that some of the things he used to say about me are true and now I have to figure out how to change on my end. Thank you for the insert it was really good. All the things that you said as far as him seeing where his heart really is..is true..he said those things to me. I'm just such a cautious person and over the pass month I've had to pull back and let go, and now he wants to start over. I just want to make sure it's right and we can both find a common ground in all of this. It helps to hear what you all think, because I don't always see things the right way and it helps to see how others see it.
You've helped a lot ... thanks

I don't think it was so much her not understading...just her being cautious..Not everyone can just jump right back in & leap head first...Being the person on the outside..Natrually it's easier to see both sides...Cappywoman if you feel comfortable taking it slow thats fine. Show appreciation for his changing efforts, as he should do to you also. If someone doesn't have security with a relationship that in itself can ruin one.. Follow your heart, just keep your eyes open. I do however believe he loves you. Make it harder better stronger =)


-Gemmie female =)

Understanding*

* Can an aries really be sorry—? I mean i'm wondering if he means it.

Of course he can! lol!

* I'm not giving in so easy though......

Honey ... at some point you have to get honest with each other. Really, truly, deeply honest. There is no room for mistrust here. This is your make it or break it point.

Stop playing games.

If you want this work, you HAVE to give it a chance. You have to put what is really going on, what the real issues are, on the table. Not from a place of hate or anger, but from a place of vulnerabilty, love, and compassion.

And LISTEN to his side too. Don't get upset or defensive but LISTEN. Step into his shoes and see his side.

Give him your vulnerabilty. Let him know you. Without emotional honesty, you guys are doomed.

Stop playing the hot and cold game.

And just trust.

This is going to sound really weird but, you know Capywife, you are so much more likeable when you are just real. Just be real with him.

Before you were trying to prove you were big and tough and in control. Let all that bull shit go. Just be real.

* It helps to hear what you all think, because I don't always see things the right way and it helps to see how others see it.

Everyone is like that. 🙂 It is because we often get our egos bruised and need to protect ourselves.

And of course the man doesn't want you with someone else. He loves you.

I like that you are sitting down and being honest saying okay ... we are different but we want this to work. How do we make it work. I think this really bodes well for both of you.

lots of love honey.

"Before you were trying to prove you were big and tough and in control. Let all that bull butter go. Just be real."

yeah. I understand this. I just spoke with him and told him that if he agrees to help me I will try my best to watch how I say what I say and if I do say something that sounds disrespectful for him to not get upset but to just let me know...and maybe to even tell me how he would have liked for me to say it so I can see how I use my words inappropriately when I do. It may seem like an easy thing for most, but I have a dominate character and in order for me to learn how to be more submissive verbally I have to learn other ways to express myself without him feeling like I'm trying to step on his shoes. He said he would do that for now on and seemed pretty excited and happy about how I spoke out about it and he was willing to cooperate and compromise. We are learning each other all over again..we feel there were steps we missed along the way. He says I'm his angel.. and he is my knight but sometimes we both want control and fight for power. Caps are naturally leaders and we are dominate so when we come head on with a take charge Aries...there can be fireworks, but I love lying in those great big bear arms and watching him fix any and everything around the house.. so masculine. I love the way he smells.. may seem gross but even when he's dirty .. he's the only dirty man I'd want to smell. We have our inside jokes and our movie nights. I miss all those things. We agreed that the only problem we had was with our communication during conflicts.

Yesterday when I was lying on him he didn't say anything except "love can be such a hard thing..I never knew it could be difficult and sweet"

I keep reading about how some Aries look at the ideal image of the woman aside from the depth of her (her happiness, sadness, anger, fears, joy, peace, and all those things in one..make a person) Just as I believe us Caps look at love as a very big leap into the unknown...we are extremely cautious and sometimes it keeps us from opening up and expressing ourselves. I believe if we both try to set those things aside we can finally see one another in a different light. Maybe he will see me as a woman with emotions and beliefs and opinions and not just his "Princess" and I can open up and be more straight forward and not so standoffish. I don't know..It's worth a try!

"It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all"

"We are taking time to understand each other because we are very different. We are learning how to talk to each other without so many misunderstandings."

🙂🙂

"It's not so much that I don't believe him it's just that I wonder if he's more interested now because he doesn't want anyone else to have me."


That's always a possibility .. especially with Aries people, who view their partners as objects a lot of the time ... so, I don't think it's unreasonable to ponder this.

However ... I wouldn't put so much focus in these words, for them being spoken. What difference does it make if he says he's sorry?

The difference is in action, not words ..... do his actions show that he's sorry?

A person can SAY anything .. is he trying to resolve misunderstandings?
Is he talking to his baby everyday?
Is he attempting to lower his voice, or change the tone, since this is one of your pet-peeves?

Divorce is NOT the answer ... I'm truly glad you two have decided to talk in mutual terms .. I hope you find the answer that brings your family back together 🙂🙂

"The difference is in action, not words ..... do his actions show that he's sorry?"

Yes they do. God sometimes I wish I wasn't so cautious about every damn thing. I think I analyze things too much.

"A person can SAY anything .. is he trying to resolve misunderstandings?
Is he talking to his baby everyday?
Is he attempting to lower his voice, or change the tone, since this is one of your pet-peeves?"


Yes he is trying to resolve misunderstandings...and calmly I might add...
Yes he is attempting to lower his tone of voice...but it's been hard still he realizes it's a problem, but I realize that in some cases it's just how he expresses his self.
Yes, he is trying we both are. We've pretty much trying to wipe the slate clean. I believe he likes the idea of being able to start over a fresh. Us not living together right now helps also because we miss each other and it's drawing us closer together.

It's like now P-Angel I can look back on things...aside from the hurt and anger and I see things differently. I'm calm and more open minded. Believe me no Cap likes to be told his ass stinks just like no Aries likes to be told he's going to be kicked in it.

"Believe me no Cap likes to be told his ass stinks just like no Aries likes to be told he's going to be kicked in it."

I know CW .. but, sometimes, since we're (humans) so stubborn, we actually have to break in half before we're able to see that we we're broken.

The important thing is that the two of you realized that just because you we're broken, it didn't mean the pieces can't be mended back together. You two love each other .. that was never in question, and you both know that.

You're on the right path ..... he's worth it, you're worth it, and mainly your baby is worth it.

I'm happy for you that you are able to see the way 🙂

* especially with Aries people, who view their partners as objects a lot of the time

I have never known an Aries man who didn't take their partner's wants and desires into account. Not one. (I don't know any Aries women but they are probably the same.)

* He says I'm his angel.. and he is my knight but sometimes we both want control and fight for power.

* We agreed that the only problem we had was with our communication during conflicts.


These are great things to know and acknowledge!

Usually control and power fights stem from fear. When they creep up ask yourself what am I really afraid of? What is he really afraid of? (and the answer is not losing control. it is what the control represents.)

"He is your husband and you are his wife, and your his property...and I dont mean that in the way you think. You are his and that's what he thinks of when he thinks of you. Your entire body, soul, your hair, lips, the love you have to give...everything!"

"Oh btw Christmas is coming up and I don't know a single Aries that doesn't just LOVE christmas! Your his girl so get home and start helping him with the decorations."



I suppose it's just a matter of interpretation, LS .. for the above was a quote from an Aries, and the way I read this .. it's saying that from an Aries eyes, their partners belong to them.

My DIL is an Aries and is very so just like this .... her husband is her property, indeed.

DD, I never thought of it that way. He does treat me like I'm his property. But is there real love in that? or does it boil back down to "not wanting someone else to have me"? IT seems like he wants to win, but also like he doesn't want to take any responsibility for pass mistakes, he'd rather put everything on me and say he's sorry but he did it because i did something to make him do it. To me that erases him saying sorry in the first place. Why is it that the Aries man can do no wrong?

What happened to make you mistrustful again?

He did appologize. If you want this to work, the slate needs to be wiped clean.

We talked and somehow everything was my fault or happened because of me. There was an excuse for everything. I agree we need to just start from scratch and keep on trucking. We are trying though... we are both trying.

"he doesn't want to take any responsibility for pass mistakes, he'd rather put everything on me and say he's sorry but he did it because i did something to make him do it."


sounds familiar ... every Aries I know is like this ... that defines the psychological trait of a sociopath .. every error made in life is the fault of somebody else.

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouasociopathquiz/


CappyWife .. check this out, see how many traits he has.

"He is probably worrying about things that he doesn't talk to you about. Bills, cars, mortgage, work, coworkers, the list goes on...many Aries don't like to bring their burden upon their partners because well to be honest we don't like advice and we think we can do everything and anything."

Yes, he finally admited this to me when we were talking... he said that he wanted to take care of me and didn't want me to think he couldn't handle things. He said this was part of the reason he was uptight.

"A good way to get back on track with eachother is having a date night once a week. During this time you have the opprotunity to court eachother, romance one another and possibly rekindle a little spark."

I agree totally but he is so determined to have me move back in right away and I feel like we should take time to date again. He blew my phone up yesterday with text messages saying "Forget what I said I just want you to come home. We can work this out at home.See that you driving me crazy come home it will be better. I promise! If you're tryig to hurt me back then you did it. All I want is my family back home with me. Where yall belong. Shit I'm sorry. Come home. Stop doing this. Your husband is saying come back home. Is that so bad. Your husband is saying I love you. Come back where you belong!"

Now this really hurt me because I want to go home so bad..but I'm so scared. I just want to take it slowly but every time I tell him I want to wait and just date for a while he gets angry and says that I don't love him and I'm not really tryig to work it out. But that's not true. I just know that we need to take our time and get it right.

"but every time I tell him I want to wait and just date for a while he gets angry and says that I don't love him and I'm not really tryig to work it out."


lol ..

What? You don't like being his whipping post?

Somebody's got to take the falls .. you don't really think it's going to be him, do you? lol

Hey CW...glad to see things are working out w/ you and your Aries. I'm not going to give you any advice except to follow your heart and do what's best for you and your kids. Don't base your decision off of his feelings, alone. But instead, re-read FB's article post. Make sure you've given yourself plenty of time and catching up w/ you. Do this in order to be sure that you are ready to integrate, or at least learn to do so, with your Aries.

P-Angel made a very great point, and it seems that you are judging correctly...words mean absolutely nothing. It's all in his actions. Also, very important is to make sure those actions are consistent and constant.

DD...I hope P-Angel didn't offend YOU w/ her sociopath comment (sounds like she did based on that temper tantrum of yours:-) P-Angel is a very, very wise woman...everything she says, I would advise everyone to take to heart (once you've been able to swallow your pride and deflate that ego a little). It's unfortunate, but my experiences w/ SOME Aries left me w/ the impression that I had been dealing w/ a sociopath (and I have an Aries moon!)

Of course CW, as DD said, be sure to share your thoughts w/ hubby...that's what matters!

give it another whirl Capy.

Ok, Truthseeker knocks me down off my pedastool .. AGAIN

Thanks, Truthie ... ((hugs)) .. I think I need to find a Leo, you guys seem to know where to hit me to bring me back to reality.

Sorry to all Aries if I offended anyone .. my aim wasn't to hurt someone, rather, point out psychological tendancies that is observed. Rest assured that the observer is NOT faultless of short-comings as well, or character traits, nor do I hold myself above blame for my screw-ups in life. Again, sorry !!!!!!

"It's unfortunate, but my experiences w/ SOME Aries left me w/ the impression that I had been dealing w/ a sociopath"

This is what scares me...that this part of him can not change. It's a long shot because he can cover up that side of him for a while but when he gets frustrated about something or something goes wrong ... it's time for the straight-jacket.

The anger is what I have an issue with..the outbursts the yelling..loud tone of voice..aggressiveness... all these things are overbearing. Especially for a woman!!!

I can see being like that with a guy, but I don't want to be talked to like I'm a dude trying to pick a fight with him. I told him last night that I was tired of his s% it and that I wasn't going to deal with it anymore. I told him I'm tired of being his puppet and I'm tired of him pushing me around and bossing me around. I just blew up cause I had enough. He kept saying that I didn't really love him cause I chose not to come home right away when he said so..and he was raising his voice. So I was like "look I'm tired of your s $ it, think what you want to think... F&ck it!!!" and then he got quiet and decided to talk with some sence..but it was to late by then I just wanted off the phone. Then that's when he blew my phone up with the text messages.

I shouldn't have to curse you out and get loud in order for you to understand that I mean business and I'm not going to deal with it anymore. It's like he doesn't straighten up unless he gets the impression that I'm letting go... then he wants to fight for it again. Like it's a game. The thrill of having what it seems you can't conquer.

"but recently myself and my cap made a list of things that make us happy, make us angry, make us upset and annoy us. We went through our list and talked it through. Were starting to understand another now."

When he called this morning I asked him if we could do this and he said yes...so we are going to write it out today and go over it together. I think it would help...especially because I've noticed that when I talk to him I talk in circles and by the time I'm finished he's lost... and so am I..lol

"my aim wasn't to hurt someone, rather, point out psychological tendancies that is observed. "

Don't worry P-Angel...they are observed by many. so there must be some truth in it.

"I can see being like that with a guy, but I don't want to be talked to like I'm a dude trying to pick a fight with him. I"

Let me repharse this cause it could be read wrong>>>

>>>>I can see him being like that with another guy...but I don't want to be talked to like I'm a guy he is trying to pick a fight with>>>

You Are 56% Sociopath




You're not a sociopath, but you're very prone to antisocial behavior.

Other people's opinions matter little to you. You live your own fringe life - for better or worse.

Are You A Sociopath?


Seems he's not a sociopath after all.... huummmm

Here is mine...........




You Are 20% Sociopath




You're empathetic, loyal, and introspective.

In other words, there's no way you're a sociopath... but you can spot one pretty easily!

Are You A Sociopath?

So I guess i can spot one.....lol...

I rated at 28% when I took it yesterday.

Can't we all just get along for once...why do we have to fight on every post...

eerrrr.. like some bad ass kids... lol

I've been a victum to P-Angels wrath too.. but you take what you can out of it and move on... RIGHT?? Hell...I don't know s&it I'm on here asking for advice...let me shut up!

" I genuinly think about peoples problems and try to get around the psychology of it"

and DD i really do appreciate that. I feel like the advice that you send is very helpful and I know that you give it a lot of thought.

DD.. what you just wrote was probably the best advice i have recieved on here. I mean that! It has been very helpful and enlightening. I think what you just said said it best. THank you!!!

CW - I'm happy for your family if you guys are able to work things out and be happy. 🙂

Both DD and P-Angel have great advice to give.
I have to agree very deeply with DD on this:

"I can honestly say that it's better than your Aries is letting his anger out rather than keeping it in."

After dealing with a few water signs which tend to be more passive aggressive and instead of just talking(or yelling) about what's wrong, you get to play the guessing game of "what's wrong—" while they're doing all sorts of little sneaky underhanded shit to get back at you for some perceived slight instead of just addressing what they're upset about. :rolleyes: I can deal with the temper and a little lashing out as long as things are getting out in the open.

As far as him acting like you don't love him if you don't move right back in, Aries(and Aries moons apparently 😛 ) are known for being impatient and wanting what they want when they want it! There are times and situations where it's better to give in to that, others when they just have to learn a little patience. It's up to you to know which situation this is since you know your husband and your situation better than anyone else.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you all. 🙂