enlightenedlibra78
@confusedlibra78
11 YearsLibra
Comments: 0 · Posts: 472 · Topics: 19
Should An Ex Have Your Back
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An ex, no. The parent of your child? Absofuckinglutely
Okay I read the whole thing. He shouldn't have done more. Your love life is not his business.
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI didn't think he should do anything other than maybe listen to what they said. He wasn't even going to tell me but we were hanging out with our son and he mentioned it.
Okay I read the whole thing. He shouldn't have done more. Your love life is not his business.
I should point out that we're still friends and go on vacation together.
Posted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Posted by FknNerdBut that's getting involved.Posted by confusedlibra78Letting you know your bf a hoePosted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. There's no winning in this situation for your ex. He either A. Doesn't tell you anything and creates the situation you're currently in now or B. Tells you and risks looking like the instigator in a rather sensitive "he said she said" moment. Yes he is the father of your kid, so that makes things difficult, but also imagine his position. How does he benefit? Even if he tries to be the hero, he may still look like scum. What would happen if your current Cancer boyfriend denied it and said , "Oh we're just friends..." The Sag ex now looks rather petty. Now he looks like he's butting into your relationship.
Okay I read the whole thing. He shouldn't have done more. Your love life is not his business.
Also let's look at the darker side. I'm guessing your ex has alimony and child support to pay right? At least...until you marry another guy. If he is as bad of an ex as you mentioned, maybe he's going to just look away and let this happen.
Maybe just tell your ex to call/text you the next time it happens to you can handle it directly. Ask him possibly to take a picture with his phone.
Posted by FknNerdI guess I would just want to help him out if I saw his girlfriend being shadyPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdBut that's getting involved.Posted by confusedlibra78Letting you know your bf a hoePosted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Yeah, its up to you to take it from there.
click to expand
Posted by FknNerdHaha, yeah, that's my first problemPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdI guess I would just want to help him out if I saw his girlfriend being shadyPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdBut that's getting involved.Posted by confusedlibra78Letting you know your bf a hoePosted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Yeah, its up to you to take it from there.
Help out how? He's done a lot by just letting you know. Stop dating bar junkies.
click to expand
Your guy is a bartender. That scene probably happens daily.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
Posted by FknNerdNo doubt, but since we have been friends for 20 years and I would think he would want me to choose a decent guy, I would think he'd want to help. I guess not.
Its not his job to fight your battles for you now.
Posted by FknNerdThanks. It truly doesPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdHaha, yeah, that's my first problemPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdI guess I would just want to help him out if I saw his girlfriend being shadyPosted by confusedlibra78Posted by FknNerdBut that's getting involved.Posted by confusedlibra78Letting you know your bf a hoePosted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.
Yeah, its up to you to take it from there.
Help out how? He's done a lot by just letting you know. Stop dating bar junkies.
I know your pain. It sucks.
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Posted by DamnataIf what happened the other way around? If my ex told my boyfriend something? My point is we've been friends for 20 years. Take out our romantic relationship and a friend would do that for a friend.
Your guy is a bartender. That scene probably happens daily.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
I didn't ask him to do anything. He was there. I had no idea he was there. He told me about it afterwards. I never asked him anything.
Posted by confusedlibra78But hugging a female friend doesn't automatically imply your current BF is not a decent guy,Posted by FknNerdNo doubt, but since we have been friends for 20 years and I would think he would want me to choose a decent guy, I would think he'd want to help. I guess not.
Its not his job to fight your battles for you now.click to expand
if mere observation simply indicates a possible verbal 'heads up' and not a full scale intervention-
then why would any man consider starting possible drama in a place where people are drinking...
Why don't you ask your boyfriend what happened instead of speculating on the Ex's motivation for what he did or didn't do- it's like men can't win either way sometimes @_@
Perhaps it was nothing but if it was something then your current Man has the answers, not the ex working in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Sorry to clarify I may have gotten some details role etc around the wrong way apologies for the confusion there lol
but yes, as an addendum I DO hope you work it out somehow-
Posted by wagtailI didn't want him to say anything or do anything. I just asked him if he heard what they were talking about. If I were in that situation, I'd listen in a little to help him out. I guess I'm just a nosy bitch —Posted by confusedlibra78But hugging a female friend doesn't automatically imply your current BF is not a decent guy,Posted by FknNerdNo doubt, but since we have been friends for 20 years and I would think he would want me to choose a decent guy, I would think he'd want to help. I guess not.
Its not his job to fight your battles for you now.
if mere observation simply indicates a possible verbal 'heads up' and not a full scale intervention-
then why would any man consider starting possible drama in a place where people are drinking...
Why don't you ask your boyfriend what happened instead of speculating on the Ex's motivation for what he did or didn't do- it's like men can't win either way sometimes @_@
Perhaps it was nothing but if it was something then your current Man has the answers, not the ex working in the wrong place at the wrong time.click to expand
My guy is about as communicative as a corpse. I have serious issues with him and have been struggling with what to do and this didn't help. I've seen my guy be flirtatious with women it's just that this woman appeared to come in specifically to see him
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
Posted by wagtailThank you. I'm struggling with this guy and I'm letting this bother me more than it shouldPosted by confusedlibra78But hugging a female friend doesn't automatically imply your current BF is not a decent guy,Posted by FknNerdNo doubt, but since we have been friends for 20 years and I would think he would want me to choose a decent guy, I would think he'd want to help. I guess not.
Its not his job to fight your battles for you now.
if mere observation simply indicates a possible verbal 'heads up' and not a full scale intervention-
then why would any man consider starting possible drama in a place where people are drinking...
Why don't you ask your boyfriend what happened instead of speculating on the Ex's motivation for what he did or didn't do- it's like men can't win either way sometimes @_@
Perhaps it was nothing but if it was something then your current Man has the answers, not the ex working in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Sorry to clarify I may have gotten some details role etc around the wrong way apologies for the confusion there lol
but yes, as an addendum I DO hope you work it out somehow-click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78If you were out and about and meeting someone and hugging them at which point your boyfriend's ex would see you and go to your boyfriend to ....tell him he saw you hugging someone and also that water is wet and other facts of human life where we engage with people. You'd be fuming over the unwarranted intervention, especially if you weren't doing anything sneaky.Posted by DamnataIf what happened the other way around? If my ex told my boyfriend something? My point is we've been friends for 20 years. Take out our romantic relationship and a friend would do that for a friend.
Your guy is a bartender. That scene probably happens daily.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
I didn't ask him to do anything. He was there. I had no idea he was there. He told me about it afterwards. I never asked him anything.click to expand
I would get your point if he saw them kiss but that's only because you mention your ex is your friend and friends should bring this information to their friends...only if so agreed with friends. I have friends that would not want to know if I saw their partner with someone else.
It really is not his duty to spy on your man..if you feel so strongly about it then put a microphone on your boyfriend at all times, install some tracking on his phone but take that journey of controlling issues by yourself without involving others.
Posted by ChuckcemAgreed. There isn't any reason for him to assert himself into your affairs UNLESS he's worried it's gonna effect your child. It would be a different story if it was your fiancé or husband, but this is just some dude your dating. Just dating.Posted by LadyNeptuneAgreed. There's no winning in this situation for your ex. He either A. Doesn't tell you anything and creates the situation you're currently in now or B. Tells you and risks looking like the instigator in a rather sensitive "he said she said" moment. Yes he is the father of your kid, so that makes things difficult, but also imagine his position. How does he benefit? Even if he tries to be the hero, he may still look like scum. What would happen if your current Cancer boyfriend denied it and said , "Oh we're just friends..." The Sag ex now looks rather petty. Now he looks like he's butting into your relationship.
Okay I read the whole thing. He shouldn't have done more. Your love life is not his business.
Also let's look at the darker side. I'm guessing your ex has alimony and child support to pay right? At least...until you marry another guy. If he is as bad of an ex as you mentioned, maybe he's going to just look away and let this happen.
Maybe just tell your ex to call/text you the next time it happens to you can handle it directly. Ask him possibly to take a picture with his phone.
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From a friends standpoint he should absolutely have your back. As an ex, not so much. Idk lots of grey area here.
Is it possible your focused on the 'betrayal' of your ex not having your back cause it's easier than focusing on the fact your new man may be cheating?
Is it possible your focused on the 'betrayal' of your ex not having your back cause it's easier than focusing on the fact your new man may be cheating?
Posted by nikkistar+1000000 you spoke my mind.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
Posted by confusedlibra78Which is probably why he mentioned it. There's the possibility that any man you date may become a fixture in his child's life at some point.Posted by FknNerdNo doubt, but since we have been friends for 20 years and I would think he would want me to choose a decent guy, I would think he'd want to help. I guess not.
Its not his job to fight your battles for you now.click to expand
It's completely up to you how much this bothers you or not: I am not judging at ALL it's something everybody goes through to some extent when trust is shaken in any relationship-
surely we've all been there. Some never go back for others it's a continual learning curve there is no right or wrong way to move t hrough these things and certainly no age/time limit.
HOWEVER that is effectively the issue we have uncovered here- and it boils down to just that, this isn't really about your Ex and how he deals with the information,
but rather an ongoing situation with your current partner that needs to be workshopped together or alone and in some capacity it may lead to the inevatable break up or a strengthening.
Either way it does NOT involve your Ex and he is probably more aware of that then you are right now lol
Don't give him a hard time, the focus is misdirected
surely we've all been there. Some never go back for others it's a continual learning curve there is no right or wrong way to move t hrough these things and certainly no age/time limit.
HOWEVER that is effectively the issue we have uncovered here- and it boils down to just that, this isn't really about your Ex and how he deals with the information,
but rather an ongoing situation with your current partner that needs to be workshopped together or alone and in some capacity it may lead to the inevatable break up or a strengthening.
Either way it does NOT involve your Ex and he is probably more aware of that then you are right now lol
Don't give him a hard time, the focus is misdirected
Posted by wagtailWag brings up a good point. Your obviously feeling some sort of way hearing that another female is visiting your man at his work. It's obvious your not feeling secure in this relationship.
It's completely up to you how much this bothers you or not: I am not judging at ALL it's something everybody goes through to some extent when trust is shaken in any relationship-
surely we've all been there. Some never go back for others it's a continual learning curve there is no right or wrong way to move t hrough these things and certainly no age/time limit.
HOWEVER that is effectively the issue we have uncovered here- and it boils down to just that, this isn't really about your Ex and how he deals with the information,
but rather an ongoing situation with your current partner that needs to be workshopped together or alone and in some capacity it may lead to the inevatable break up or a strengthening.
Either way it does NOT involve your Ex and he is probably more aware of that then you are right now lol
Don't give him a hard time, the focus is misdirected
I thinks it's best that you think about both what you need and want in order to feel more secure. Then you need to communicate it to your man. If he cares he'll be happy to do what you request or at least meet you halfway. Here's the tricky part though, you need to be strong enough to walk away if he's unwilling to give you what you need...
Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
Lol
Posted by DamnataI really think you misunderstand the situation. My ex was there. I had no knowledge of that fact. 3 days later, we were out and he told me about it. I asked if he heard anything and he said he didn't bother to listen. I didn't ask him to listen or spy, I just ask if he had. He said, no, I'm a shitty ex. He made it a point to tell me that it looked like more than just a friend and I responded to that. I don't control my boyfriend. I've never looked at his phone, computer, questioned him about anything or worried about anything in this regard. But when someone you trust makes it a point to tell you they saw something shady, it raises a red flag. I'm just saying as a friend, I would have tried to listen in, but that's just me apparentlyPosted by confusedlibra78If you were out and about and meeting someone and hugging them at which point your boyfriend's ex would see you and go to your boyfriend to ....tell him he saw you hugging someone and also that water is wet and other facts of human life where we engage with people. You'd be fuming over the unwarranted intervention, especially if you weren't doing anything sneaky.Posted by DamnataIf what happened the other way around? If my ex told my boyfriend something? My point is we've been friends for 20 years. Take out our romantic relationship and a friend would do that for a friend.
Your guy is a bartender. That scene probably happens daily.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
I didn't ask him to do anything. He was there. I had no idea he was there. He told me about it afterwards. I never asked him anything.
I would get your point if he saw them kiss but that's only because you mention your ex is your friend and friends should bring this information to their friends...only if so agreed with friends. I have friends that would not want to know if I saw their partner with someone else.
It really is not his duty to spy on your man..if you feel so strongly about it then put a microphone on your boyfriend at all times, install some tracking on his phone but take that journey of controlling issues by yourself without involving others.click to expand
Posted by ImpulsvYeah, mistake #1
Why are u dating a bartender?
You know this is what they do
Flirt with women for work or more
Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
Posted by confusedlibra78Posted by PhoenixRisingThen why bring it up at all if he were truly not involved?
No. He was there to enjoy himself with a friend, not get involved in your love life. That's your business.click to expand
Because he's a Sag? Because it's Venus Rx? What did he say when you asked him that question?
Sags enjoy gossip (in a fun spirited way), but I have yet to meet one that will get overly involved in your business (e.g. go out of their way), especially when it isn't warranted.
He shared it so you're aware and can handle your own business, if there's anything to handle, but that isn't his job imo. Even something as small as listening to a conversation he couldn't care less about.
I get it, he got your radar up with the intel he shared. However, given your boyfriend knows your ex frequents this bar and you and he are so friendly do you really think he would have a side piece come to the bar?
More than likely he saw it for what it was and was simply sharing.
Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Unbelievable!!
Your ex saw your dude acting shady...it doesn't matter what he said to her or what she said to him...their body language obviously said enough for him to mention it to you.
He was looking out for you in mentioning it at all.
Im confused why you feel any type of way about him not eavesdropping and reporting back to you?
I like can't even process that.
Your ex saw your dude acting shady...it doesn't matter what he said to her or what she said to him...their body language obviously said enough for him to mention it to you.
He was looking out for you in mentioning it at all.
Im confused why you feel any type of way about him not eavesdropping and reporting back to you?
I like can't even process that.
Posted by brianafayI guess if I were going to tell someone something like that, I'd either not tell them or give them something more substantial. It was almost like he was doing it to make me feel bad vs helping me out.
Unbelievable!!
Your ex saw your dude acting shady...it doesn't matter what he said to her or what she said to him...their body language obviously said enough for him to mention it to you.
He was looking out for you in mentioning it at all.
Im confused why you feel any type of way about him not eavesdropping and reporting back to you?
I like can't even process that.
Posted by confusedlibra78You gotta ask your ex that. Not us.Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
click to expand
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be sainted
Posted by confusedlibra78??My dude can't winPosted by brianafayI guess if I were going to tell someone something like that, I'd either not tell them or give them something more substantial. It was almost like he was doing it to make me feel bad vs helping me out.
Unbelievable!!
Your ex saw your dude acting shady...it doesn't matter what he said to her or what she said to him...their body language obviously said enough for him to mention it to you.
He was looking out for you in mentioning it at all.
Im confused why you feel any type of way about him not eavesdropping and reporting back to you?
I like can't even process that.
click to expand
Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be saintedclick to expand
Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.
Posted by Damnata
Your guy is a bartender. That scene probably happens daily.
You would be royally pissed off if it happened the other way around.
Honestly this reads like a red flag about you more...since you think your boyfriend should be monitored by your ex.
That's what I'm thinking. Trust is clearly lacking or her boyfriend doesn't know how to work a side piece.
Posted by EllygantI think the issue with my ex is way too deep and complex for me to get into here to make anyone understand the whole dynamic. Considering he makes it a point to spy on everyone (he loves to people watch and listen to people's convos) I would have thought when it actually might affect someone he is friends with, he'd do it. Instead, he didn't.Posted by confusedlibra78But your upset he didn't actually get concrete information right? That would require him to go the extra step and 'spy' rather than simply observe what was unfolding. That's why everyone is using the word spying.Posted by EllygantI agree with what you are saying but the girl was literally right next to my ex. He wouldn't have had to do much of anything. I don't blame my ex, just wondering if others feel that a friend, even if they are an ex, should help out a little. Again, I was told this days after it happened. It wasn't like he was texting me and I asked him to spy.
Like others have pointed out, your boyfriend is a bartender. If he's attractive and good at his job, I'd bet money he has a lot of regular women customers that come just to see him. Doesn't mean he's banging them or even wants to bang them. It does mean he can serve them drinks with a little charm, a listening ear and a smile and collect regularly high tips.
Also what more do you want your ex to do? Turn to his buddy he's having a beer with and say
'Hey, I know we are comfortable here at this side of the bar and I came to hang out with you. But do you mind if I ignore you a good bit and we move down a bunch of seats so I can spy on my ex-wife's new boyfriend? That cool man?'
Yeah. Your ex didn't even have to tell you but he did, with what he knew. Which is enough for any friend and father I would think.
You clearly lack a certain trust and emotional connection to your partner and it's obviously frustrating you. Spying is not a relationship builder, and I think you know that. But refusing to entertain that idea might mean you have to address the more serious questions about your relationship you're avoiding.
You wondered, and most (if not all) of us have said it seems a bit preposterous to expect anything more.click to expand
Posted by Noni05Then he should say nothing at all.Posted by confusedlibra78To be honest, your ex and the father of your child is doing the right thing by letting you live your life & not being too involved. He's respecting your personal life.Posted by Noni05I agree but the Cancer will not talk. I'm not mad at my ex, just wondered what others thought about what he did/didn't do.
This is something that needs to be resolved directly with your man the cancer not your sag ex.click to expand
Posted by confusedlibra78Wellp if he's "not a good guy at all" - why are you expecting things of him?? What is this post about? You wanted strangers to validate your feelings that he's a shitty person?Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be saintedclick to expand
Ok ?? He's a shitty ex
??
Posted by brianafayHe basically said as much. I don't want validation, just wondering if you were in the scenario, would you say anything at all or at least get something more concrete before opening your mouth?Posted by confusedlibra78Wellp if he's "not a good guy at all" - why are you expecting things of him?? What is this post about? You wanted strangers to validate your feelings that he's a shitty person?Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be sainted
Ok ?? He's a shitty ex
??
click to expand
Posted by EllygantRight, which is why I was trying to get more info. I wish he hadn't said anything at all, honestly.
Also if your ex is shitty and a manipulator what's to say he isn't blowing the situation up to his own advantage?
Not trying to make you more paranoid, but it's important to consider all the angles.
No, unless they want to.
Posted by confusedlibra78
My guy is about as communicative as a corpse. I have serious issues with him and have been struggling with what to do and this didn't help. I've seen my guy be flirtatious with women it's just that this woman appeared to come in specifically to see him
And there it is. Yet you're trying to make this about what your ex should or shouldn't do, throwing 20 years of friendship into the mix.
Come on now. Get it sorted and focus on the actual issue at hand. If you don't feel secure about this guy how is that anyone else's problem but yours?
The Sag was just stirring the pot to get you to do what you need to do. They're great for that.
Posted by confusedlibra78If you were my ex I wouldn't say anything at all and let you get played ??♀️ - especially if I knew this is how you would reactPosted by brianafayHe basically said as much. I don't want validation, just wondering if you were in the scenario, would you say anything at all or at least get something more concrete before opening your mouth?Posted by confusedlibra78Wellp if he's "not a good guy at all" - why are you expecting things of him?? What is this post about? You wanted strangers to validate your feelings that he's a shitty person?Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be sainted
Ok ?? He's a shitty ex
??
click to expand
Damned if you do
Posted by brianafayHow have I reacted? I haven't done anything, lol. I am working this out internally and asked for advice.Posted by confusedlibra78If you were my ex I wouldn't say anything at all and let you get played ??♀️ - especially if I knew this is how you would reactPosted by brianafayHe basically said as much. I don't want validation, just wondering if you were in the scenario, would you say anything at all or at least get something more concrete before opening your mouth?Posted by confusedlibra78Wellp if he's "not a good guy at all" - why are you expecting things of him?? What is this post about? You wanted strangers to validate your feelings that he's a shitty person?Posted by brianafayHaha, yeah, he's a really shitty manipulator and not a good guy at all. But please, Saint him, lol. He's the master of half truths so I was trying to discern how legit this was.Posted by confusedlibra78Omfg ?Posted by nikkistarSo why bring it up? I'm saying he went out of his way to tell me but then didn't really tell me anything.Posted by confusedlibra78Ok, let's just say this is the story. It is none of your ex's business either. I don't care if he has been friends with you for 20 years. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Your relationship, and any of his relationships, should not be a subject either of you should be talking about. This will cause conflict with shared co-parenting. End of story.Posted by nikkistarI didn't ask my ex anything. I had no idea he was there. He offered up the info himself. He told me and I asked him if he heard anything. He eavesdrops on everyone but didn't this time. As a friend of 20 years, not an ex, would you not wonder what was going on? Maybe not, that's what I'm asking. His job is to be personable but my ex made it a point to tell me and he said it looked suspicious. That's not me being insecure, that's someone telling me to keep my antenna up.
First off, you sound psycho as fuck right now. You not only have issues with your bf simply hugging someone, and touching arms with someone, in a job that is about being personable. But then, you expect your EX husband to be nosy and essentially be your private investigator. Asking your ex to be privy or put his nose into your business is so inappropriate, it's not funny. I don't even know WHY you asked him about your boyfriend.
You sound insecure for one, and at 38, you should really not be showing these types of behaviors in a relationship. You should know better.
He did tell you something - he told you what he knew!
"hey I don't really know for sure - but this is what it looked like...don't want to start anything - just want you to be careful."
What do you want from this man? God I want to give him props for putting up with this shit. He should be sainted
Ok ?? He's a shitty ex
??
Damned if you do
click to expand
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