Cancer friend -- am I just a booty call?

I'm a Scorpio woman and have known this Cancer friend for more than 20 years. About 2 months ago, I met him at another friend's house. I trust him completely, so told him of my decision to separate from my husband. We got a little high that night and after everyone had gone to sleep, he kissed me. I was completely taken aback, oh, but I enjoyed it tthoroughly. I live in a different city, however, I was in his city again the next week and we got physical again. No sex, just necking. Over the past two months, we've met about 6 times. And except for the first two times, all meetings have been initiated by me. He doesn't call or text on his own. He has some excuse every time for not calling or texting. He's been demonstrative in front of our friends. I even went to his home once and reconnected with his family. The complication i think is I'm not working currently, am looking for a job. Also, my husband hasn't really moved out of my house and this my Cancer friend knows. I get hurt when he doesn't respond to my messages. He told me in the beginning to take this really slow, but I've pushed him a couple of times and he's gone off into his shell. My question to all - do you think he's into me? Should I forget him?

He might like you, but you're not divorced and you're still living with your husband. The jobless thing is also a turnoff. Get your life together and maybe things could get more serious. But if he finds someone better in the meantime, then you might be out of luck. Until then, definitely don't have any expectations. Yes it's a booty call right now

Honey, you need to just move on from this shit show.

You are married. No wonder he is hesitant. If he really is into you and wants to be with you, and has any sense at all, he probably thinks you need to completely divorce your husband and go through some life experiences that do not involve your cancer friend, as you sound like you have a lot of lessons to learn before you can really take on any meaningful relationship.

I know this answer sounds arsy, but so is this situation.

Thank you, girls, I guess I need to back off. It's just that he made me feel so good. And when he's drunk he lets his guard down. But when he's sober, hes disconnected. He's told me he worries a lot and that my situation is what worries him the most. I guess I need to back off. Do Cancerians worry so much that they will not keep in touch?

Not sure how it can be a bootycall when no booty was actually given or received...

So another slang is needed here love.

Anyway. Like someone said before, get your life together and then revisit dating. But not many men, at least quality men are gonna take dating you seriously as a freshly separated woman, LIVING STILL with her husband. Especially for Cancers, they are too sensitive and guarded, they dont approach love and sex like a conquest or adventure like an Aries or Sag. No love and sex are very spiritual, special things to them and there is NO WAY in hell a Cancer would put their heart on the line, to fall for a woman who has the perfect set up to fall right back in love with her husband she lives with, call off the divorce and then leave the poor Cancer there saying "what the hell happened??"

I get that Malloyor. What I'm trying to understand is why doesn't he speak up front? Whatever is bothering him. I'll never hurt him.

Thanks, Libraqueen. Yes, my feeling is that he does like me.

20 years later, and the brief meetings are sexual, marijuana-filled and alcohol based?

It appears as if the both of you have not grown up.

I don't see this going anywhere.

This set up screams Jody and Peanut from the motion picture "Baby Boy."

There are also a lot of misleading statements with this post.

The topic reads "bootycall", but they're allegedly not having sex.

She knew him for twenty plus years, but indicated that she met him at a friends party.

She states that she's baffled as to why he's hesitant, but states verbatim why he was hesitant.

My gut instinct tells me this the making of a hood soap opera....with adults playing out the role of teenagers.

But I could be wrong.

Maybe the Op can shed some light on this.

Posted by Bittenbythecrab
I get that Malloyor. What I'm trying to understand is why doesn't he speak up front? Whatever is bothering him. I'll never hurt him.

He might be unsure how he feels. He might be enjoying the ride without getting serious. But in my opinion, he just doesn't care enough to pursue you more than he already is

It sucks! I've gone through this with a lot of guys 😢

Taurusbull, I do feel like a teenager 🙂 not a bad feeling! But yes, I could have said make out or some such thing. Lack of appropriate words maybe.

Also, yes, while writing a lot of clarity happened... So may be I was second guessing.

Thank you, pinkbird, i think I'm going to give whatever it is with him some rest. Hugs...

My priority is to get my life back on track at the earliest. May be once I'm busy with work, these aspects might not affect me as much as they do right now.

@Bittenbycrab,

Thanks for the clarification. I hope everything works out well for you in the job market.

When you do get things settled, make sure this Crab courts you like a proper gentleman.

You can still make out like teenagers, but make sure it is still a courtship.

Negate the pot and alcohol for a little while.

Best of luck to you! 😉

Posted by Bittenbythecrab
I get that Malloyor. What I'm trying to understand is why doesn't he speak up front? Whatever is bothering him. I'll never hurt him.

He has though, you just wont listen.

He said "to take things slow."

You are still MARRIED.

You still LIVE WITH your husband.

He doesnt want to get hurt..there is no point in him spilling his heart to you when a. You two are not dating b. Have not had sex c. And have no clear view of where the future may lead.

Ok, so, I have an update. Life is settling now. Am starting up a new job in a couple of weeks. This Cancer friend of mine and I met last night at a friend's birthday party and before that 3 months ago. I stopped calling him. He calls once a month. His conversations start off general and slowly we move into the personal space. He calls when he is drunk and tells me how scared he is of a relationship with me. How he has been single for a reason. Yet, he speaks of me as if I'm his girlfriend, as if we have a thing going on. What am i feeling? I think I care for him deeply, however, am not sure where and how this will end. I'm scared too, though, don't show it. Last night at a friend's birthday party, he said he wasn't comfortable with what is happening between us. And yet after most had left and the others had slept off, we kissed and cuddled. Once he is drunk, he cant keep his hands off me. And with the physical comes the emotions. He told me how he'd mentioned earlier that this is how it was going to go... Very slow. Said again he values his independence too much. And that he's scared. He acknowledged that some of our friends know about us and he was fine with that. Today, we (along with a whole bunch of kids, mine and friends) went to his place and we cooked. I met his mother and brother. I am thoroughly confused with this behaviour. I know I'll not call him and he might call after a month.

I don't want to keep hoping, but I adore him.

Do you'll think he's just scared and needs time? How slow is very slow with Cancerians? If they are scared, what can help them? Or could it be a phase of madness for us both and it will pass eventually?

Please advise.

Posted by Bittenbythecrab
I get that Malloyor. What I'm trying to understand is why doesn't he speak up front? Whatever is bothering him. I'll never hurt him.

Him, trust this old broad. Nobody here knows what's gonna happen.

Most people here because they have no life of their own. And they come here to hang up on those who got lucky!

So...even if you are a booty call so what?

He likes you - he calls you. You like him - you go to him!

You both enjoying each other?

Keep it up!

And yes men date freshly separated women as much as single ones.

It's all cliches. Go on with your heart!

After all women get hurt by their perfect

virgin husbands all the time.

What does it proves? Nothing except you

Take chance no matter what you are doing!

But if you having fun - go for it!

Thanks, Gemitati, we were friends before I got married. I've known him forever. And after my experiences in my marriage, I've got major trust issues. I trust my friend completely though. My gut says I just need to give him time.

Scrumptious, I don't know how to read a hidden message 😢

thanks for updating ...nobody ever updates and it drives me crazy ...lol

I think the alcohol is b/c he is scared ..liquid courage and all that ...so he can tell you how he really feels ...I think all crabs (being one myself and also being single for a LONG time) have a primary fear of being hurt ...so its very important that who ever we are with we trust and that they are patient with us ...you seem very mature ...a lot of women come here simply to vent, bash and complain when things don't move fast enough for them ...(ironically this is exactly why cancer moves side ways) ...just be patient and take things slow ...he doesn't want to hurt him and you don't want to hurt him ..things will be fine ..if you don't mind me asking what was the sign of your ex husband

@bittenbythecrab just to clarify, the divorce happened and you're living by yourself now, right?

Thanks, Rabidtalker. I intend to take things slowly. I want to understand his perspective and since he hasnt been forthcoming, I put it up here.

The issue with my husband (I don't think of him as one) also progresses slowly. I've managed to get his family in the loop so that he's got some support system during this process. I intend to file soon. Have met up with lawyers and have created the first draft. Too many things have been happening in life 🙂 and well, hopefully, they should settle down soon.

Oops... Thanks, Cancan26... 🙂 I mistook your post for rabidtalkers.

Thanks, Seraphlight. Lovely words and so true 🙂 I've asked myself that many times and may be there is some truth in it. However, it doesn't end there. There is genuine caring too. I sense it from him too.

I thought I had posted a reply but I see now that it didn't go through.

Patience! Patience! 🙂