Crab male logging onto dating site day after 1st date?

Hi,
So I began chatting with an early twenties guy (Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon) on an online interface (I initiated first contact) - small talk at first. The next evening, he initiated asking how my day was, etc. and this continued every day for over 30 days (after about 3 days, we added each other on fb and continued this chatting there) with him initiating every evening and messaging till one of us went to sleep.

After about 15 days of doing this, he said he really enjoys talking to me and wanted to know if we could meet in person, I agreed and we set a plan to meet in a bar (in 2 weeks). During those 2 weeks after agreeing, he kept initiating conversation and it always flowed really well - he never used flirty lines, never massively complimented me (except saying the conversation doesn't feel forced which is good and maybe one or two comments that I look quite young), never had any "dirty talk" etc. - was like really friendly intellectual convo about our jobs (we work in similar fields), interesting newspaper articles and he'd mention a lot about this family, ask about mine, etc. so not any sign of a huge player..

However, I noticed a few days after setting the date for first meet-up, he began logging into the online site again about every 2 days or so (he had not been on it since we started chatting (moved things over to fb) i.e. 2 weeks offline) which I thought was weird but it was mostly around lunchtime that he was online there (we only speak in the evenings) but his behaviour/interest towards our conversations was still the same as it was at the start

Then, we met in person (after 30 days daily messaging) everything went great, conversation really flowed, he didn't try and be flirty, etc. no kisses, etc. and as soon as he got home, he texted saying he had a great time with me and would be interesting in meeting up again and wished me goodnight.

This afternoon (day after the first meet-up), he's online on the interface again..

Surely, if our meet up was that great, he wouldn't be online there within 24 hours after us meeting?! But not sure if he was just being polite but not very interested or if he's playing the field for a bit (but does see interest) or if this is even normal?

The thing that was odd to me is that he never tried to be flirty but always initiated convos as well as wanting to meet up, buying me drinks, etc. so not sure if it means we're just friends (in which case he can obviously log-in to the site whenever really) or is romantically interested but being respectful?


His previous history - think he's been in a few relationships in the past and a once or twice "one night stands" so not exactly a socially awkward or shy "virgin" type person who's too scared to make a move or something, surely..

Any input appreciated 🙂 So hard figuring out someone who has such a contrast (cancer sun and aquarius moon). By the way, I am Taurus Sun and Aquarius Moon so we both have the same moon sign. Thank you

You've only met in person once and neither of you has a commitment to the other, so what does it matter if he's still looking around or even talking to others?

Posted by MoonArtist
You've only met in person once and neither of you has a commitment to the other, so what does it matter if he's still looking around or even talking to others?

Thank you for your reply. I am not so possessive that I'm saying he only needs to communicate with me or anything but I just wanted to know if anyone has ever behaved like him before (as in "shopped around" after a good first meeting with someone but in the end, chose to commit to that person once they were sure of it?

It's just that if his behaviour is a sign that he's just not into us/no hope for a serious future, I'd rather know now so I don't expect too much (don't mind casually seeing someone as long as I know that's what it is)

Posted by aj123

Posted by MoonArtist
You've only met in person once and neither of you has a commitment to the other, so what does it matter if he's still looking around or even talking to others?

Thank you for your reply. I am not so possessive that I'm saying he only needs to communicate with me or anything but I just wanted to know if anyone has ever behaved like him before (as in "shopped around" after a good first meeting with someone but in the end, chose to commit to that person once they were sure of it?

It's just that if his behaviour is a sign that he's just not into us/no hope for a serious future, I'd rather know now so I don't expect too much (don't mind casually seeing someone as long as I know that's what it is)

click to expand

Go with your gut feel on this. Unless it's a soulmate connection with an instant "know", there is no way to know by one date if the two of you are something worth committing to for a serious future. I certainly wouldn't make up my mind for something that serious about someone based on a first date.

and you're still talking to him?

He's dating...sounds bout right

You're very traditional or old fashioned. I understand you and the world doesn't work that way anymore. I'd you really liked him I could see why you're concerned but if he's texting you he likes you so let it play out patiently.don't worry

Okay but how would you know if he logged in that site if you hadn't been logging in that site? You're both logging in that site.

Maybe he logged in to see if you logged in and is writing about you logging in after a good date on some other forum.

Ow my brain.

Posted by GuardianAnu
Okay but how would you know if he logged in that site if you hadn't been logging in that site? You're both logging in that site.

I can just see the response: "Oh yeah, about that....oh look! A squirrel...."

Posted by GuardianAnu
Maybe he logged in to see if you logged in and is writing about you logging in after a good date on some other forum.

Aww snap

Women and men who behave like you irritate me. It's just one date. He didn't marry you nor did he make it exclusive that you should think he should stop browsing and viewing other options.

I'm an Aqua moon and I know options are countless. I like meeting new people and if I'm not committed to someone, I'll meet as many new guys as I can. It's a win-win because I'll either walk away with new friends/contacts or a new compatible lover.

If he's a true Aqua moon, he's not going to like that you're monitoring his online dating movement this early on. That's a red flag.

First date is like 2 strangers finally meeting in real life, doesn't matter how long or how great it went. There's no commitment nor solid friendship.

Let things happen organically, if he went well and he wants a second date just keep getting to know him. Don't put any pressure to yourself or him.

Posted by aquarius09
Women and men who behave like you irritate me. It's just one date. He didn't marry you nor did he make it exclusive that you should think he should stop browsing and viewing other options.

I'm an Aqua moon and I know options are countless. I like meeting new people and if I'm not committed to someone, I'll meet as many new guys as I can. It's a win-win because I'll either walk away with new friends/contacts or a new compatible lover.

If he's a true Aqua moon, he's not going to like that you're monitoring his online dating movement this early on. That's a red flag.

I have aqua moon and rising.

That's exactly how I see it. Meeting people is different to sleeping with people.

I wouldn't like that someone is trying to control what I'm doing early on. He can only ask me to remove my profile if he is ready to be exclusive and I feel the same.

@ the op, this is silly. Until you both agree to date each other exclusively...who he talks to is none of your concern.

If your so obsessive after meeting someone for the first time I'd suggest you avoid dating sites which are all about sampling a selection.

Get offline and meet your next victims in real life. Or look into arranged marriage...

Thank you everyone for all your comments. Just to make it clear, the only issue I have with him still going on the dating site is the reason WHY - as in,
IF it's because he sees me as a back-up until he finds the "one" so only keeps me around to occupy his spare time, then it's something to be concerned about.


However, if there are people (especially cancer males) who have behaved like this i.e. still went on the dating site daily (BUT did have a serious interest in the person they were seeing and did eventually commit etc. and did not just chuck them when something better came along on that site), then I'd be totally fine with him going on that site daily as it's not like I want his 24/7 attention or that he shouldn't talk to any human except me.. Basically, all I wanted to know is whether this thing we have is doomed (an early sign) or not anything to be concerned about as I'd rather not waste time, feelings, effort, etc. if I know if it's all for nothing. Yes, I know all dating has a bit of risk (anything could happen at any stage) but if there are early "red flags", I'd rather know.

More responses, comments, etc very appreciated! 🙂

Posted by aj123
Thank you everyone for all your comments. Just to make it clear, the only issue I have with him still going on the dating site is the reason WHY - as in,
IF it's because he sees me as a back-up until he finds the "one" so only keeps me around to occupy his spare time, then it's something to be concerned about.


However, if there are people (especially cancer males) who have behaved like this i.e. still went on the dating site daily (BUT did have a serious interest in the person they were seeing and did eventually commit etc. and did not just chuck them when something better came along on that site), then I'd be totally fine with him going on that site daily as it's not like I want his 24/7 attention or that he shouldn't talk to any human except me.. Basically, all I wanted to know is whether this thing we have is doomed (an early sign) or not anything to be concerned about as I'd rather not waste time, feelings, effort, etc. if I know if it's all for nothing. Yes, I know all dating has a bit of risk (anything could happen at any stage) but if there are early "red flags", I'd rather know.

More responses, comments, etc very appreciated! 🙂

Wby? There could be many reasons and none of us here knows except him. If it's bothering you this much may be you can ask him?

Here are some of my guesses...

1. He is looking for back up in case if things doesn't work wit you
2. He is bored and looking for ego stroke
3. There could be someone else he is tlaking to and he is carrying on the conversation
4. He is shopping around.

He could be by himself on his couch watching ESPN enjoying quiet time.

^^ Thank you Shashka.

Point is he is making plans to see you again. It may help to avoid signing in and trust the process.

Posted by Shashka

Posted by MoonArtist
You've only met in person once and neither of you has a commitment to the other, so what does it matter if he's still looking around or even talking to others?

But it matters to her.

click to expand

Then she needs to move on and forget about him because at this point he owes her nothing.

Are they young? I don't km now! More info!

My mum was always so blunt if he didn't call he didn't care! Don't. Worry!

She was an Aquarius btw .

Have you guys bee talking since?

Must admit, I Admired my mum she had men wanting her always, it was just natural to me, but honestly she could not give a care about any of them. Just saying . She is an Aquarius with tons of Aries in her chart.

Thank you everyone for all your comments and advice. Just an update: It's still as before - nothing has changed. We still chat and he still logs on that site (about once or twice a day - often very early in the morning, at noon or at around "just after work" time but not throughout the entire evening or anything.

Think he has the app for the site on his phone and logs in through that (rather than the web-page route) so I assume the icon is always there on his home screen of his phone reminding him of it, if that makes any difference.

It's just weird he never went on not even once during the first 2 weeks we spoke.. but has been on almost daily since (though only for a short time each day).

Any more input is of course appreciated 🙂

I understand exactly how you feel; I hated online dating for that precise reason. I feel if I don't "woo" you enough on the onset, I would rather keep it pushing. My Capricorn was instantly struck by me, after several dates we were exclusive and nine years later it still feels like Christmas everyday with him.

I am an Aquarius moon and I would be disturbed if I met a guy and he was still looking for others online. I was talking to someone online and we began talking daily for hours, we set up times to meet etc. Despite the time I was investing in the relationship I saw that he was still going online to the dating site and staying logged in for awhile. I asked him about it, and he said he did it for pure entertainment. Well that's fine but that didn't sit well with me. We had different dating lifestyles; I do one at a time, and he dates a multiple at at time. That's fine but that's not me.

I would rather date someone who shared my similar dating values. As you can see from the various responses, everyone is different, with different opinions and different values. I don't give a fat rat's ass how everyone else or their momma sister brother or anyone else felt about it! It DID NOT SIT WELL IN MY SPIRIT! So I removed myself. He said if you ever change your mind, I will be right here, you have my number. Fuck him! I blocked him and never looked back.

I do have aqua moon too and I don't play like that way. I have many male friends though daily basis. Then I am single can do whatever till it is discussed properly and responsibilities are taking care of while I am friends with that person.

I however would be furnished if that guy stated I want to see you exclusively or date each other. I however is too damn loyal even when I am friends but that's another sign too.

I'll let you do whatever it is don't just don't even play games like that early on either. You either serious or want to play the field alittle.

Posted by aquarius09
Women and men who behave like you irritate me. It's just one date. He didn't marry you nor did he make it exclusive that you should think he should stop browsing and viewing other options.

I'm an Aqua moon and I know options are countless. I like meeting new people and if I'm not committed to someone, I'll meet as many new guys as I can. It's a win-win because I'll either walk away with new friends/contacts or a new compatible lover.

If he's a true Aqua moon, he's not going to like that you're monitoring his online dating movement this early on. That's a red flag.

And women and men like you irritate me. I am an Aqua moon too with four planets in Aquarius; and I have no desire to befriend every fucking Tom, Dick and Harry!! I already have life-long friendships from people in grade school, high school and college. I don't need to go on a dating site and meet new friends; I think that's pathetic and a red flag. It's like damn nobody likes you in your everyday life? OP I feel exactly how you feel and I have Moon in Aquarius, Mars in Aquarius, Mercury in Aquarius and Saturn in Aquarius!

Many Aqua moons, not all, but many have commitment issues. They are brilliant with their wording and their innocent friend commentary makes so much sense, but I have seen noncommittal Aquas drag people along for years with their sweet words and friendship bullshit. But I have learned if something deep inside doesn't sit well in my spirit, I don't give a fuck what words are coming out of the Aqua's mouth. I follow the spirit.