He knows I'm not cold and emotionless....we have known each other for 9 yrs....so yeah he knows me. And unless your a fly on my wall then you really have no idea how I am towards him or anyone else for that matter
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If he felt unwanted by me in any way...he would not be coming to see me every weekend
Posted by LostinmyMind11
And unless your a fly on my wall then you really have no idea how I am towards him or anyone else for that matter
I respond from what you write, and everyone else for that matter.
For a person to take that defense is absurd, for anyone over the age of 5 can decipher that if a person isn't present, then they only know what they are told.
::: shakes head :::
I know that you blew him off, according to what you wrote
Posted by LostinmyMind11
No...he knew how others in his past would react and he figured I would react the same way....
Nine years?
Perhaps the other people cannot put two and two together, or perhaps they choose not to because they'd rather lie to you while remaining on the superficial level of things because there, on the surface, they can remain in good graces and don't have to be real about anything.
I'm not one of those people ... I live in reality, not in the fantasy of the surface where truths don't have to be confronted.
If he knew you, as you claimed he did because of the 9 years ... then he wouldn't have to guess how you'd react.
He knew how you'd react .... and he said so. Now, you try to turn it around again and say something else ... because again, you don't want to hold yourself accountible for blowing the man off, instead caring about making him feel important
Posted by LostinmyMind11
If he felt unwanted by me in any way...he would not be coming to see me every weekend
That is untrue, and again ... an excuse so you don't have to hold yourself accountible for your own actions.
A person who feels for another will indeed continue to try and get the other person to want them. Do you not understand the very basics of relationships, to realize that people try with relationships to the very bitter end?
Do you honestly think that people walk away at the very first sign of hard-feelings, and never fight to keep what they love?
Either you honestly do think love is that puny in depth, or you just said that because you think your back is against the wall from me talking to you .. which would mean you said that as a talking out of your ass, and have the audacity to say the my perception is slanted due to bitterness.
Has the thought ever crossed your mind that he might be trying to get you to want him, in more than just words?
Posted by LostinmyMind11
If he felt unwanted by me in any way...he would not be coming to see me every weekend
And as you say this in defense mode only, sensibility to what you are saying completely absent from your awarenes ..... this very thread was started over him supposedly coming to see you, and you blowing him off by conveying to him that you don't care whether he makes that trip or not, that you don't care what he does.
So, the truth is, he isn't coming to see you every weekend .. instead, he is telling you he wants to come see you but has limited time to see how badly you want to see him, which was not enough for him to venture over that weekend.
If he didn't come that weekend ... then to say he comes "every" weekend is actually a lie.
You have no clue that I'm trying to help you, do you?
You already have a notion in your mind about my character being flawed, and so therefore anything I say is invalid.
The certain mind is a closed one. Are you so closed-minded that you think a person is one-dimensional?
I didn't take offense...just stating a fact
Ok let me rephrase the 9 yrs....yes we have known each other that long....this past year though...we are getting to actually know each other
Posted by P-AngelPosted by LostinmyMind11
If he felt unwanted by me in any way...he would not be coming to see me every weekend
That is untrue, and again ... an excuse so you don't have to hold yourself accountible for your own actions.
A person who feels for another will indeed continue to try and get the other person to want them. Do you not understand the very basics of relationships, to realize that people try with relationships to the very bitter end?
Do you honestly think that people walk away at the very first sign of hard-feelings, and never fight to keep what they love?
Either you honestly do think love is that puny in depth, or you just said that because you think your back is against the wall from me talking to you .. which would mean you said that as a talking out of your ass, and have the audacity to say the my perception is slanted due to bitterness.
Has the thought ever crossed your mind that he might be trying to get you to want him, in more than just words?click to expand
Good point...I've been there before and tried to do everything and anything to make it work...so I do understand that concept
I didn't blow him off....I stated that whatever he wanted to do on what time he was going to leave....never once did I say don't come up....he made that up in his own head and accused me of it not being good enough...I still wanted him to come even if it was for an 30 mins
Posted by P-AngelPosted by LostinmyMind11
If he felt unwanted by me in any way...he would not be coming to see me every weekend
And as you say this in defense mode only, sensibility to what you are saying completely absent from your awarenes ..... this very thread was started over him supposedly coming to see you, and you blowing him off by conveying to him that you don't care whether he makes that trip or not, that you don't care what he does.
So, the truth is, he isn't coming to see you every weekend .. instead, he is telling you he wants to come see you but has limited time to see how badly you want to see him, which was not enough for him to venture over that weekend.
If he didn't come that weekend ... then to say he comes "every" weekend is actually a lie.
You have no clue that I'm trying to help you, do you?
You already have a notion in your mind about my character being flawed, and so therefore anything I say is invalid.
The certain mind is a closed one. Are you so closed-minded that you think a person is one-dimensional?click to expand
Ok so one weekend....out of many he did not come up....I honestly didn't think we had to get technical about it.
I understand that you are trying to help...I get what you are saying...but also I know (per you past post) that no matter what the situation is...the OP is always in the wrong...and to me that is an unfair assessment.
And what really do you suppose I do....we are not dating...we are friends. Do I want to be with him?...of course I do or I wouldn't waste my time....so when a friend tells me "hey I'm going to leave at 11...if that's ok" of course it is...its up to them on what time they want to come and go...right?!
Posted by LostinmyMind11
.... I know (per you past post) that no matter what the situation is...the OP is always in the wrong...and to me that is an unfair assessment.
You are always the owner of what you do, right or wrong. What is unfair is that you, and all these other people who come in here to tell a one-sided story from their own perspective, hold yourselves blameless of any part of the relationship you don't want to own, eventhough you are an equal participant of the relationship.
Because you have formed a biased opinion of me, you've closed your mind to any other meaning, and have made the conclusion that I believe the OP is always wrong, when in fact, that is inaccurate.
Never have I ever gone around this board and told everyone that whatever the situation is, that they are wrong ... so, for you to think that only proves that your perception of me is slanted by bitterness, which is the very thing you accused me of.
What you will find me do to everyone, is tell them that they are accountible for their actions. For me to tell you that you are accountible for your actions, in your mind, you interpret that as me telling you, you are wrong, in which apparantly you cannot handle being wrong, so will resent me for telling you the truth ...... when in reality, you have always been the owner of your life, and everything that happens in it has been and always will be a direct result of what you do.
If your boyfriend feels put off by how you respond to him, that is in fact, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, you may call it fault if you like negative connotations versus proactive ones ... amounts to the same thing.
If you two aren't boyfriend and girlfriend ... then why, may I ask, have you created this dramatical situation in here, why the need to vent off at all?
Has the thought ever crossed your mind that instead of venting off the things you are suppose to be saying to him would be more prudent than venting if off here, where he never gets to hear the things he should about how you feel?
Santa Claus doesn't direct your life, you know ..... you're not suppose to close your eyes and hope life happens with a wish and a prayer.
Again ... yes, you are to blame for your life if it makes you unhappy .... why would you think that to be unfair? What would you propose is fair? Do you think it's fair that someone other than yourself is to bla
You can't convey to him that you don't care whether he comes or goes .... and then expect him to know that you want to be with him.
And yes, I am telling YOU, that YOU are responsible for this, you may call it blame if you want.
YOu are responsible for him not getting that you care about him ... if you've never told him
You are responsible for him believing that you don't think he's special .. if you're the one not emotionally expressing.
Why is it that people cannot accept what is real, and have to pretend that nothing is their fault?
Is it the god delusion, that from it's very programming, tells people that the devil makes them do things? or what?
Because if I tell you, that you are accountible for your own actions ... then you come out with bullshit like I unfairly assess people.
seriously .. how fucked up is that
And yes, I am telling YOU, that YOU are responsible for this, you may call it blame if you want.
YOu are responsible for him not getting that you care about him ... if you've never told him
You are responsible for him believing that you don't think he's special .. if you're the one not emotionally expressing.
Why is it that people cannot accept what is real, and have to pretend that nothing is their fault?
Is it the god delusion, that from it's very programming, tells people that the devil makes them do things? or what?
Because if I tell you, that you are accountible for your own actions ... then you come out with bullshit like I unfairly assess people.
seriously .. how fucked up is that
Posted by LostinmyMind11
No...he knew how others in his past would react and he figured I would react the same way....and that's what he apologized for...for assuming.
In reality, that ^^^^^^^ is a lie. I'm unclear whether you felt like your back was against the wall and so felt compelled to fabricate a justification ... or if it's due to you not having the ability to own up and take responsibility.
Because according to what you wrote in the opening post, which I below is a snippet .... it was you who made the assumption that he thinks you are like his exes ... in reality, you are the one who had a false belief based on nothing except your distorted perception of what you thought he wanted .. you even apologized for disappointing him in not acting a way he never even suggested you should.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
I told him apparently you don't know me at all or you "assume" I'm like everyone else (exes) sorry to disappoint.
click to expand
It all boils down to the same issue ..... you aren't communicating with him properly. Look at what you said to him above ^^^^^ you told him that, based off of your assumptoin as to why he would do that, which this assumption of yours doesn't include your actions. You have told yourself and him that he treats you according to someones elses actions, and you ignore the fact that he responds directly from you and your reactions.
Are you proud that you make him think that you cannot be moved emotionally? ... because I'm unclear why you would say he doesn't know you at all, just after you told him that you didn't care what he did.
And yes, I am asking YOU to account for yourself, call it me blaming you if you choose ....
The bottom line ... you blew him off, he got upset, so now you have to get people to agree with you so you can be confident in knowing that it was okay for you to blow him off like that because somehow, because he's a male Cancer, there's has to be a fault in that, so you can be excused from any responsibility.
I didn't actually say that to him in regards to the exes...I put the exes part in here because I knew what he was getting at. He did assume ...like I said he's mention on numerous occasions that that is exactly how his exes behaved....and he was looking for that same reaction from me. He apologized for assuming and told me that is what he is used to dealing with. so there for yes he assumed I would act like his exes have.
You are right...we do not communicate....bottom line!
He does know that I have emotions...he stated it before "you are just full of emotions inside"...as much as I try to hide them...he can see it. I mean the whole reason I was upset and here venting is because it hurt my feelings. I've been through a lot in my life and dealt with some pretty serious issues (which he is aware of) and like I said it is very hard for me to communicate how I feel (in the past anytime I would express my feelings, I was always be shut down, my feelings didn't count)....so you can see where it would be hard to change what I am used to...but I am working on that...and that is my issue not his.
I've only been in one relationship since I was 17...so yes all this is new to me...so I ask, just like everyone else here!
You are right...we do not communicate....bottom line!
He does know that I have emotions...he stated it before "you are just full of emotions inside"...as much as I try to hide them...he can see it. I mean the whole reason I was upset and here venting is because it hurt my feelings. I've been through a lot in my life and dealt with some pretty serious issues (which he is aware of) and like I said it is very hard for me to communicate how I feel (in the past anytime I would express my feelings, I was always be shut down, my feelings didn't count)....so you can see where it would be hard to change what I am used to...but I am working on that...and that is my issue not his.
I've only been in one relationship since I was 17...so yes all this is new to me...so I ask, just like everyone else here!
LIMM,
The relationship is a work in progress. Your human evolution is a work in progress.
Anyone with half a brain who??s been following your threads in reference to your relationship with CM, can see that you care for him (or why the hell else would you be here?)
For those who may want to purposely twist or misinterpret what you??ve said here just for the sake of an argument or jumping on your ass, can kick rocks.
For those who are getting a glimpse of your relationship for the first time from reading this thread and have come to the conclusion that you don't care, is perhaps a strong indication of how you come across, and you can take this, learn from it, and begin to make some necessary changes??_
??_which leads me to: Again, the mere fact that you created this thread alone says that you care, however, comfortably expressing your feelings for him is a whole —nother animal, but you??ve made it clear that you are working on that (and I am a witness to this).
There's always room for change — for EVERYBODY - and only you know how you feel and to this I say take that which applies and throw the rest away.
The relationship is a work in progress. Your human evolution is a work in progress.
Anyone with half a brain who??s been following your threads in reference to your relationship with CM, can see that you care for him (or why the hell else would you be here?)
For those who may want to purposely twist or misinterpret what you??ve said here just for the sake of an argument or jumping on your ass, can kick rocks.
For those who are getting a glimpse of your relationship for the first time from reading this thread and have come to the conclusion that you don't care, is perhaps a strong indication of how you come across, and you can take this, learn from it, and begin to make some necessary changes??_
??_which leads me to: Again, the mere fact that you created this thread alone says that you care, however, comfortably expressing your feelings for him is a whole —nother animal, but you??ve made it clear that you are working on that (and I am a witness to this).
There's always room for change — for EVERYBODY - and only you know how you feel and to this I say take that which applies and throw the rest away.
(Continued)
The universe didn't intend to —wire?? all of the signs the exact same way. That wasn't the plan. Each created for its own unique purpose. Don't allow anyone to make you feel —a way?? about who you naturally are. That said, in many instances, where matters of the heart is concerned, some Virgos can stand to —leave the logic at the door??. Each sign can learn something from the other. Emotional expression doesn't come easy for Virgos and that's where a sign like Cancer can teach us.
As hard, uncomfortable, uneasy or unnerving as it may be, you are open to the process of emotional growth, and that's half the battle. I know you are willing. The both of you are willing to make the relationship work or else there would be no reason on earth for you two to have stuck this out for nine years.
Keep practicing the communication. Once the two of you learn how to communicate effectively, you may find it easier to be in your feelings as opposed to in your head.
The universe didn't intend to —wire?? all of the signs the exact same way. That wasn't the plan. Each created for its own unique purpose. Don't allow anyone to make you feel —a way?? about who you naturally are. That said, in many instances, where matters of the heart is concerned, some Virgos can stand to —leave the logic at the door??. Each sign can learn something from the other. Emotional expression doesn't come easy for Virgos and that's where a sign like Cancer can teach us.
As hard, uncomfortable, uneasy or unnerving as it may be, you are open to the process of emotional growth, and that's half the battle. I know you are willing. The both of you are willing to make the relationship work or else there would be no reason on earth for you two to have stuck this out for nine years.
Keep practicing the communication. Once the two of you learn how to communicate effectively, you may find it easier to be in your feelings as opposed to in your head.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by VirgoVixxxen
And there's also the issue of the Cancer thinking the Virgo doesn't care when we speak about things in an unemotional way or are just being our normal selves (cold, detached) which couldn't be farther from the truth.
That is utter bullshit.
If a Virgo approaches the expressional side of a relationship unemotionally .. then that is indeed showing the partner that you don't care about how the feelings of every aspect of the relationship is handled.
It's not further from the truth, being cold and unemotional in a relationship is the very truth.
click to expand
What the fuck—
You got cataracts or are your reading and comprehension skills just that shoddy—
Virgos are naturally emotionally unexpressive people but that in NO WAY means that we do not care. That is not all of us. That was my point. (Please do try and keep up!)
If someone is in a relationship with a Virgo who refuses to drop the walls, be emotionally expressive, and give them the love that he or she so desires and deserves, then GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP because NEWSFLASH: Contrary to popular opinion, there are many Virgos out there who shower love, care, and attention on their partners without it being a thing of pulling teeth!
Why stay, cheat yourself, and become a miserable, bitter human being in the process (sound familiar?)
You talk about "responsibility", but what about responsibility to your own self and your own happiness. If you are in a relationship with someone who isn't giving you what you need, you can always leave. Why continually shift blame all the while having a hand in your own unhappiness. That's not very wise.
You people kill me with all the crying and complaining about Virgos being so cold yet your asses continue to stick around for the arctic breeze.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by VirgoVixxxen
And there's also the issue of the Cancer thinking the Virgo doesn't care when we speak about things in an unemotional way or are just being our normal selves (cold, detached) which couldn't be farther from the truth.
In the quote above, it is being admitted that Virgos do this, and then saying that nobody suppose to believe that you meant it.
If you don't act how you mean .. if your actions don't coincide with how you feel .... that makes YOU the problem in relationships because because you are decieving the other person. YOu aren't being upfront.
There are several threads in just the Cancer forum, and many throughout this site .... and here is a prime example = Virgos don't emotionally express to their partners, and then act like the partner is the one not caring, and then saying bullshit like is quoted above and making it sound like it's the partner being unreasonable.
click to expand
What the hell is wrong with you?
You know very well Virgos don't do this shit on purpose - (nice try - but keep spinning!)
After all of these years of living with a "cold" Virgo husband, maybe you just need a hug, validation for your feelings - or long ago, a trade-up.
If you refuse to understand and accept how we naturally operate, then that's too damn bad.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by VirgoVixxxen
And there's also the issue of the Cancer thinking the Virgo doesn't care when we speak about things in an unemotional way or are just being our normal selves (cold, detached) which couldn't be farther from the truth.
YOu all should just stick with each other and leave the normal people to are aware that feelings are good thing .. alone, and stop abusing them, stop using them .. you really don't deserve a person who caresclick to expand
And you "normal people who are aware that feelings are a good thing" should practice self control, and refrain from stepping into relationships with us, and stick to folks who can give you what you want/need emotionally instead of allowing yourself to be "used" and "abused".
Of course, vv, the Virgo is allowed to be cold-hearted in relationships, and it's the other persons fault if feelings get hurt .... whatever happens, the Virgo must never be responsible.
right, you point that out repeatedly.....pretty soon you might actually convince a guy of it, and have a relationship longer than the moment you open your mouth and he runs for the hills from the stench of your attitude.
right, you point that out repeatedly.....pretty soon you might actually convince a guy of it, and have a relationship longer than the moment you open your mouth and he runs for the hills from the stench of your attitude.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
I didn't actually say that to him in regards to the exes...I put the exes part in here because I knew what he was getting at. He did assume ...like I said he's mention on numerous occasions that that is exactly how his exes behaved....and he was looking for that same reaction from me. He apologized for assuming and told me that is what he is used to dealing with. so there for yes he assumed I would act like his exes have.
You are right...we do not communicate....bottom line!
He does know that I have emotions...he stated it before "you are just full of emotions inside"...as much as I try to hide them...he can see it. I mean the whole reason I was upset and here venting is because it hurt my feelings. I've been through a lot in my life and dealt with some pretty serious issues (which he is aware of) and like I said it is very hard for me to communicate how I feel (in the past anytime I would express my feelings, I was always be shut down, my feelings didn't count)....so you can see where it would be hard to change what I am used to...but I am working on that...and that is my issue not his.
I've only been in one relationship since I was 17...so yes all this is new to me...so I ask, just like everyone else here!
Using and excuse of only being in one relationship is bullshit, since what we are talking about is communicating your feelings, and since if you are human you've had continuous relationships with various people for your entire life. Expressing how you feel to someone is only new to a two year old.
If you're working on fixing your communication then that's a step in the right direction .. however, you still can't come in here and paint a picture to show he is messed up, when you haven't even told him how you feel.
I realize that vv would have you believe that you don't need to be concerned with how you present yourself to him, because being a Virgo she thinks you have a right to be pardoned, and if he suffers then it's his problem for ever liking you in the first place ..... but, in reality it is all your responsibility how you present yourself to him, or anyone else for that matter.
tiki hit the nail on the head in the very first response ... you attacked him, you jumped on him for no reason ... and there must be something else that triggered your anger, because it sure wasn't anything in his actions.
so, does this all boil down you .. you were just in a mood that day, and jumped down his throat, and instead of saying, "oh shit, I fucked up", you had to make this into something he did wrong, so you wouldn't have to admit you're wrong?
so, does this all boil down you .. you were just in a mood that day, and jumped down his throat, and instead of saying, "oh shit, I fucked up", you had to make this into something he did wrong, so you wouldn't have to admit you're wrong?
Posted by P-Angel
Of course, vv, the Virgo is allowed to be cold-hearted in relationships, and it's the other persons fault if feelings get hurt .... whatever happens, the Virgo must never be responsible.
right, you point that out repeatedly.....pretty soon you might actually convince a guy of it, and have a relationship longer than the moment you open your mouth and he runs for the hills from the stench of your attitude.
Still spinning I see.
You got this shit down good. I see past this "game" you've got going P-angel.
Hey, if you say so - then, by all means!
Spinmeister, spinmeister, see spinmeister run, spinmeister, spinmeister, see spinmeister run...
So how you express your feelings to your friends would be the same as a bf/gf?...I don't think so! Yes i was in one relationship for 10 yrs with a guy that never expressed anything...so you kinda forget how to communicate with the opposite sex. Again this is not his fault...this is my deal. You do stereotype us virgos though....do you honestly think we are all the same?
So what role does he play in all this? Just the poor guy who got yelled at by a virgo? So I'm supposed to let a man (any man not just cancers) walk all over me...basically lay down and do as I'm told?
So what role does he play in all this? Just the poor guy who got yelled at by a virgo? So I'm supposed to let a man (any man not just cancers) walk all over me...basically lay down and do as I'm told?
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by P-AngelPosted by VirgoVixxxen
And there's also the issue of the Cancer thinking the Virgo doesn't care when we speak about things in an unemotional way or are just being our normal selves (cold, detached) which couldn't be farther from the truth.
In the quote above, it is being admitted that Virgos do this, and then saying that nobody suppose to believe that you meant it.
If you don't act how you mean .. if your actions don't coincide with how you feel .... that makes YOU the problem in relationships because because you are decieving the other person. YOu aren't being upfront.
There are several threads in just the Cancer forum, and many throughout this site .... and here is a prime example = Virgos don't emotionally express to their partners, and then act like the partner is the one not caring, and then saying bullshit like is quoted above and making it sound like it's the partner being unreasonable.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You know very well Virgos don't do this shit on purpose - (nice try - but keep spinning!)
After all of these years of living with a "cold" Virgo husband, maybe you just need a hug, validation for your feelings - or long ago, a trade-up.
If you refuse to understand and accept how we naturally operate, then that's too damn bad.click to expand
Upppppp!!!!!! ROTFL!!!
Maybe it's not what you said but the way you said it. Maybe he got offended and feels like he is stretching himself thin. Have you ever taken trips up his way? I mean you never really know what is going on in his head until you talk about it. Do you guys talk about your relationship with each other or just exes? Where do you both stand exatcly? How serious is it? (Note: Talking about exes, everyone knows, can taint any relationsip) From the looks of it the biggest problem I see is a lack of communication. It seems to me that what matters in this situation are not the things that have been said, but the things that are left unsaid. I hope you guys can work things out and forgive each other. The best way to end an argument is for someone to apologize, it doesnt matter who does it first, what matters is that it gets done and you both end up apologizing for your actions, you guys get past it, learn from it and move on to the next chapter in your lives whehter that be with each other or not. Good Luck!
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