Here I am again with another prob for my sisters!!

Well here I am again. Just when I thought my Cancer man was going to act right...here I am again.

So, I wanted to spend the fourth of July with my Cancer man this Wednesday. He told me that he is going to bbq for his mother and grandma (oh lord). Did he invite me...NOOOO. Everyone was telling me how close Cancer men are to their families, especially their mothers and he may be taking baby steps with me when it comes to his fam. Ok fine. So then I asked him if he wanted to go to a fireworks show that night with some friends at like 9 pm and he said that he is going to be wit hhis fam. Im thinking.."Youre going to be with your fam all day and NIGHT" LOrd!!!!!! So my feelings get immediately hurt...the Scrop in me.

Then today he called me at work. he could tell something was wrong with me, so he kept asking whats wrong. i finally told him that i was upset b/c it seems like everyone has something to do on the 4th but me. my dad is going out of town. my friends are going to be with their boyfriends..and i will be stuck at home. i told him that it may sound ridiculous but that i am big on holidays, whether it be a birthdays or christmas. thats just how i was raised. my family and i would always do something big for a holiday. and that i was sad at the thought of possibly being alone.

and guess what he says ladies!?!?! he says "you'll have fun" can you guys believe that!?!?!?!? i was like yea ill have fun all by myself in my hot ass apt! I cant beleive him. I am soo hurt by him. what happened to the super sensitive cancer?!?!?!

What do you guys think?

Just B yourself.

Krobe, do you think I am justified in my feelings or do you think I am over reacting?

Kel, what does that mean? Sorry guys for being so clueless...still learning, but im tryng. 😢

don't forget that cancers are extremely intuitive....he may have sensed that you were trying to get him to invite you to his family gathering and felt uncomfortable about it - maybe he felt pressured and didn't know what to say so he just said "you'll have fun".....just a thought....

WOW! I looked up the retrograde cycle....very interesting. You guys are right. I need to calm down...relax and quit looking so pitiful, which is not attractive in the least bit. I am going to make plans with some of my friends and go on about my business and let him go through his lil cycle and phases...and pay him no mind at all.

Sometimes, I just get too emotional and I have to take control of that!!! Seriously!

And I do really care about him and want it to work. So, I will just calm my self down and see what happens. Gosh you guys are good!!!!! LOL!!!!

Thanks Red,Kel, luck and as always Krobe..I feel alot better. But I will be happy when this is cycle ends..and be better prepared for it when it changes again.

Thanks angel....you are right. I should have just left it alone and allowed him to invite me, and leave it alone if he wasnt going to invite me on his own. Now I know....i wont be making that mistake again!

I am oficially breathing deep and fully relaxed!

Lucky, whats been happening when you ask him about hanging out?

Hi Ladies.
Yeah, Maianm,
I have told U before that Cancers don't like intense feelings 2 well. They run from them. U have 2 let him run from his intense feelings at times. Men R not made like women in the emotional department. U need 2 start telling him NO, alot 2. If U don't U R going 2 B 2 easy and he is going 2 disappear real fast because all U 2 will have in mental common is sex.

Luckystar,
Yes when U ask Cancer out, U seem desparate. U seem 2 B pushing 2 strong. It is like what R U trying 2 give him or prove. Quit trying so hard. When U don't try so hard 2 get with them, and just relax, then they want 2 get with U. U have 2 let nature take its course. If U R constantly trying 2 get with him. U appear 2 have no life going on and men don't want a women who is more into trying 2 get him, then get herself.

Krobe.....I have such a hard head. I know you have tried to explain this to me over and over again, and I make the same mistake! LOL! But I am getting BETTER!! Cancer guy called me today asking to come and see me, and as hard it was, I told him that I had other plans..and that was that!

So, I am learning!!! 🙂

P.S. Does anyone know why the most recent thread got removed. I have no reason for asking....just being nosey! LOL

The Cancer physical attributes thread that is....

probably due to too much mention of "breasts" - can't think of any other reason. Not that there was anything offensive anyway - just someone being hypersensitive.

Yeah Maianm,

Is this not the same Cancer guy who told U he did not want a relationship? Then I suggest U quit having relationship expectations. He already stated that he does not want 2 B in a relationship.

SO, U have already given him sex. If U want A relationship. I suggest U start valuing yourself. Not sounding critical. Just start doing this 4 yourself. Oh, and just like I have 2 do MY Cancer. Keep reminding him, UM, we R not in a relationship. LOL! Then he will say that he wants 2 B in 1. ONLY key thing is just don't go by his words alone, go by his actions. WORDS DON"T ME NOTHING! U CAN TELL ME ANYTHING! PROVE IT!

Krobe....yes he told me a couple of months ago that he did not want to be in a relationship right at that moment. However, since then his whole attitude and the way that he treats me has changed.. This has been a rather slow gradual process with him. At first he was really withdrawn. Then, he started coming around a little more, this is when he said a couple months ago that he did not want to be in a relationship...and now hes calling me every hour ....telling me what he is doing, where he is going, when he is going to get there, and when he is coming back. LOL. Also talking about settling down.

He has definitely been showing me that he cares deeply for me and that we definitely have a future if we continue on this path...but its just these mood swings that I am not used to that throw me for a loop.

But anyway...as far as sex beleive it or not, we have not had sex in a month. We first had sex about 2 mos ago...and we were intimate a little over a few times...but I have kinda been curbing it. Teasing him...etc. Dont get me wrong when we were intimate it was terrific but I was finding myself becoming waaayyy to attached...even more attached than I am now, if you can beleive that. So, I kinda stopped just to get my own feelings in check....not to dangle in front of his face like a carrot. It was more for myself. LOL.

But anyway....I really do care about him and want to be in a relationship with him in the very near future..so I am going to let him chase after me a little more and make myself a little less avail...and we shall see. 🙂

Yes Kate U have picked up well.

Men have their own pace. And yes we want relationships with them. But, don't know how 2 tell them that WE R not a SEXUAL CONTACT. We give them SEX trying 2 hard 2 please them. They hold off on giving us their hearts and what we want from them simply because they don't have 2 put in work 2 get us. That is Y I say, don't play yourself cheap. Mainamn, when U get a chance hit me on the text. Men want the easiest way possible 2 get us, and once U R easy, U R of NO value. MEN want the best. The top of the line, and they will do ANYTHING 2 have the best. Men R competitive. THEY HAVE 2 HAVE top of the line. If U R 2 easy. They will not value U if U given in way 2 easy.

If a man can capture your heart with a couple of nights out 4 dinner and some sweet talk. U R 2 easy. If someone else comes along, and shows him 2 is not from WALMART, SHE is from the more EXPENSIVE stores. He will have 2 have the best. Think of being a BMW, ALL men love nice cars. And they will go out of their way 2 get GRAND SCALE things. They find a way 2 come up with money or whatever, 2 get what they want. Period. If U R cheap, then he does not have 2 come up with a value 2 have U. U R just something 2 do 4 the moment. Like MISS expensive hit him in the face. He is gone

I meant let MISS EXPENSIVE hit him in his face. U R gone. NO expensive does not mean, money or sex. It means something totally different. And yes US women miss out on the message assuming things.

I meant not just for sex.

You guys are all very right, and I feel so stupid. Not only have I been neglecting myself but I have also been over reacting. My Cancer called me last night and told me he is (and has been) in a deep state of depression. A few weeks ago, he told me that his grandparents were going through a divorce. Specifically, his grandfather is divorcing his grandmother, and trying to get her to buy her half of their home from him. If the judge grants the grandfather the money, the grnadmother will be in serious financial turmoil and my Cancer and his mother will have to step in and help her out financially, which will bring a serious financial burden to my Cancer. I knew this was really affecting him - hes so close to his family. But I had no idea he was in deep state of depression over this.

This is maybe why he did not invite me over his house, or make plans with me for the 4th of July. He probably just wants to spend time with his family during this critical time. I feel like an insensitive idiot. We talked about it last night, and I offered words of encouragement.

So, I have decided to back off and allow him to go thruogh and deal with his family issues. I will be there if needs someone to talk to, but I need to stop being in his space - its the best for the both of us.

I need to start focusing more on myself, anyway. I am going to be applying for graduate school and need to start focusing more on that. I still care about him and want it to work, but I am going to take a step back emotionally and allow whatever happens to happen 🙂

Cancerian men (some) can be self centered, and insensitive. It seems to me that Cancerian women are the senstive ones, who love to be with their significant other on holidays, and spend quality time together. It's unfortunate that some men would prefer to do other things and leave you out in the cold. When you mentioned that you were going to be alone, he should have at least invited you to the BBQ. That was very selfish of him.

Hey, I know I sound crazy 2 U ladies. But, he already told her that they were not in a relationship.

Oooooh I missed on that one.

We are not having sex...

And I just simply told him that I would pray for him and his family and if he needed to talk he can talk to me. This is what I would say to any of my female friends...in fact if one of you ladies told me the same story that he has told me I would tell you that. I did not tell him that I was going to be sitting around waiting for him to get it together.

I have no problem distancing myself emotionally...letting him have his space and deal with what he is going through...but I dont see the point in being mean...having him pour his soul out to me, while crying and say "well...oh well". I said what I felt was the appropriate thing to say "I'm sorry to hear that...I will keep you and your family in my prayers...if you need someone to talk to I am here". Not here to walk all over on. Not here to have sex with...I just gave him a standard repsonse that I would give anyone in that position...who is crying on the phone.

As far as the relationship goes....I have no problem with the way things are RIGHT NOW. We have only known each other for 3 mos. We are getting to know one another, while dating one another exclusively. I never really complained about not being in a relationship with him, b/c we are still in such a early phase. Yes, eventually if we continue on a posistive path I will want more, because I know how I am. But as of right now, I am fine with just getting to know each other...

I think I made my mistake by TRYING TO RUSH things along. Trying make things happen, instead of just going with the flow and allowing nature to take its course, and for us to get to know one another. I allowed my emotions to get in the way and got all CRAZY. And that is another reason why we are no longer initimate and have not been for over a month now.

So anyway...I over reacted to the whole July 4th thing. First off..he is not my b/f so he doesnt HAVE to invite me anywhwere. While it would have been nice for him to. He is not OBLIGATED. I just assumed he would b/c we spend so much time together. I should not have assumed. Also, he is going through something that may change his life dramatically for atleast a few months (at the very least). I should have let him deal with that instead of crying to him about silly 4th of JUly. He has these serious probs going on and here I am crying to him about me not having anything to do on the 4th of July. He prob thought I was crazy. LOL

Here he is....his family is falling apart by the seams..and I am whining about the 4th. LOL. I really feel stupid. In the grand scheme of things...who really cares about stupid a** 4th of July. But like I said, I got wrapped up in my emotions.

Now I am thinking a little more clearer.

Annnddd....if I get to the point where I want to be in a relationship with him and I feel its the right time, and he is not ready...I know it will be hard but I will leave him alone. I just broke up with my ex of 6 yrs in October 2006 b/c he wasnt ready to discuss marriage, whixh was extremely hard but I did what I felt I had to do. I hate feeling stagnent. We Scorps are crazy and possesive..but once we are DONE we are DONE! So if he pushes me and I dont see a future with him...TRUST ME I will let him GO. But for now, I think I just need to calm down and see what happens.

As the old folks would say "I just need to leave it in the Lord's hands" LOL!!!!

Yea I know I was just saying that I responded to what he told me he is going through the best way I think I could....by not being mean and cold but not being overly sensitive to his situation. Giving him just enough...not being Mother Theresa but not being Cruela Deville either. LOL. 🙂

Katica....that is also what I mean when I said that I told him I would be there for him if he needed anyone to talk.

"AGAIN, LADIES,
Assuming that we know what a man wants. NO, don't let him know U R sitting around waiting on him. WRONG! Listen 2 him, but, don't get a wrapped up into his emotional drama. Don't B there 4 him and let him ride on YOUR strength. He will resent U 4 that. Step far away and let him deal with his own issues. Send him back out in the world. It will make him become a stronger person."

No Krobe...what I meant by being there for him...I didn't mean waiting on him...I meant if he needed someone to *talk* to about his problems...Just *listen*...that's it...

sorry to say what you meant and what he heard is going to be 2 different things...you say I'm here for you..he thinks your a doormat and your waiting for a call.

Don't mean to be harsh but men hear thru the lines of language...be careful what you say to a man, less is more...less words more action, this is the key to getting beyond the surface.

sorry to say what you meant and what he heard is going to be 2 different things...you say I'm here for you..he thinks your a doormat and your waiting for a call.

Don't mean to be harsh but men hear thru the lines of language...be careful what you say to a man, less is more...less words more action, this is the key to getting beyond the surface.

Thanks Tikki, I could not have said it any better. LOL! Yeah, men take things in the mind, alot different then we actually think. Words R 4 women. They don't work 4 men. The less U say, the more value U R, unless U R being honest from your heart.

"Cancerian men (some) can be self centered, and insensitive. It seems to me that Cancerian women are the senstive ones, who love to be with their significant other on holidays, and spend quality time together. "

One very important thing to remember is that cancer is an innately FEMININE sign - that includes the men. They are moody, emotional, and sensitive - but they are angry with themselves for acting in a way they perceive to be like a woman. Obviously the cancer women don't care - their just being themselves and being women - but cancer men try so hard to hide their sensitivity that often end up being mean. But it's not because they want to hurt anyone - they're just trying to act the way they think a man is exected to act - their trying to "prove their manhood" so no one will doubt them - or tease them which is among their greatest fears.

I am sorry to have to say this - but I do HAVE to say this - you don't know this guy, you can't lump him in with every man you know and say that when she says "I'm here if you need to talk" he sees an opening to take advantage of her. I find your callousness disrespectful to this man and men in general.

and Maianm - the fact that this man has told you something so deep and personal after knowing him only three months shows that he has a lot of respect for you - first of all, he doesn't OWE you an explanation, so the fact that he gave you one shows that he is concerned about how his situation is affecting you and wants you to understand what is going on with him. Second - cancer men, more than other men, do not like to open up to people quickly, and you said he was crying - you should realize right there that he is letting you into a very personal and special part of his life - men don't cry - even if they want to. From what you have said he has made a HUGE gesture.
I hope you will not come away from this feeling bitter like many women would.

The funny thing is with what you TIKI and KROBE are saying how to treat the man is EXACTLY how I treated my EX after he dumped me...and he is chasing my arse after over a year apart and he was the one who dumped ME...see I don't want him so it is easy for me to be like that...

hey katica,

the way you treat your EX is the way you treat the man you REALLY REALLY LIKE, WHY? Because if a man KNOW how you feel about him too soon, he will bore quickly and he will start taking you for granted, you don't compete with emotions, meaning you don't return intense feelings no matter how bad you want to do, 2 positive's don't make a positive, it makes a negative and someone will get dumped thereafter...but if you have a battery surge, a negative (someone resisting) and a positive (someone pushing) then it will always work b/c the person pushing will constantly give more to the resistant party...do you understand? This is why woman should hold back, not because of the goodie 2 shoes theme, that theme is played out...but the less you give the more you get, doesn't mean you have to be a mean bitch, a polite no with confidence and strength behind it is good enough.

a woman can feel a certain emotion or way about a man but it doesn't have to be broadcasted all over the place, this keeps the man mystified and WORKING HARD to gain your love, your attention, trust and confidence which means he's doing all the pursuing, he's calling, he's texting, he's making sure your needs are met and he's making sure your a top priority in his life which mean he deems you as VALUABLE, worth having and would do anything to keep you, men don't throw things away that they value...if a woman YIELDS to a mans advances to soon then she LOSES b/c he see's nothing of worth that he hasn't worked hard for.

Don't send a birthday message, he doesn't need to know your that into him and thats the MESSAGE/SIGNAL your sending, wait a few days AFTER his birthday and drop one sentence, nothing over that...no man needs to know the intensity of a womans emotions for him...EVER, once a man knows your that into him then he starts to play mind games and he starts to look at you as desperate and undesirable, you could be sitting at home playing with your toes but you should always make your life important, always put him off, so what if you sit at home doing nothing a man should never know this...he's not going to feel sympathy and rescue the woman, he's going to mirror to her that she's nothing.

Katica,

Don't send him a birthday text, He is NOT WORTH your finger tips 2 even send the darn mgs. He has basically been ignoring U 4 6 weeks now. The more he ignores, the more U ignore. If he starts texting U. Wait a couple days and get back 2 him, or let him keep texting U, until U get in contact. If he is not talking about meeting up in person. Drop him. Texting and emailing is by no means a form of relationship. If he is not after a commited relationship with U, let him go ahead on. Y would any woman want a man who is doing disappear acts ALL the time. If he can't explain the disappearing acts, then he is not worth your time. U owe him NOTHING, just 2 get NOTHING in return. And remember, men take alot longer of a time 2 come 2 commitment then we give them. Leave room for growth.

Oh, Kate,
I have taught U so well. U get it.

Thank you guys so much for your adivce and sharing your experieces. Trust me...I have taken EVERYTHING in and trying my best to change my mind set!!! Wish me luck I will keep you guys poated.

Ooohhh and my Cancer asked me to go over his mother's house on the 4th, the night before. Need less to say, I didnt go. I just let him do his thing with his family and went out with my family and friends. I was proud of myself. The old me would have jumped at the chance to go over his family's house. But I didn't even think twice about not going. Yaayyyy!!!!

Im getting there. LOL.

*Posted....

mainm...i think that your cancer friend needs to figure out a few things in his life and deal with his personal issues before he gets involved in any relationship with a female...so, you should take this time and work on yourself and your life!!! look at this as a very positive occurance. and, if it is meant to be between the two of you, you will eventually find your way back to one another.
but, right now it seems that he is not ready to commit himself to a relationship. he needs to clear the air of a lot of other things first, and he needs to NOT be in a state of depression. for guys, it seems that everything else must fall in place first in their lives before entering a fully committed relationship with a female.

yeh see Krobe when he contacted me 2 weeks ago you told me to ignore him and then make contact when it was his birthday (which was 6 weeks) and then send him one text wishing him a *happy birthday*...see this is where I am confused....

Don't MAKE ANY CONTACT, if he wants 2 pursue U, let him pursue U. U don't do NO, pursuing. It is a MAN's job 2 pursue U. U R the prize! If he wants contact, put him back on your MSN, and let him contact U. Each time, but just don't jump at his texts. Quit being lite hearted. I know U posted a beautiful text. Reread it. Don't do NO MORE than he is doing!

but, right now it seems that he is not ready to commit himself to a relationship. he needs to clear the air of a lot of other things first, and he needs to NOT be in a state of depression. for guys, it seems that everything else must fall in place first in their lives before entering a fully committed relationship with a female.

I agree, and I don't agree. If a man is REALLY ready 4 a relationship. He will commit himself 2 U regardless. Things may not B perfect, but that is Y U R their 2 guide the way. I have been with my Cap man 4 10.7 years now, and he committed 2 me from the day we met. Am, I tired of his arse, yes! But, he is very loyal and committed 2 me, no matter what I do. If a man REALLY wants U, and cherish U, he will commit himself 2 U, and U will B the ONLY 1 4 sure.

THE MORE u dont do u think hmmm i wonder what i should do, u forget we cancers are pyschic and have powerful intuition

Way to go Kat!!! Krobe is better than a couselor!!! 🙂 LOL!

Kat...you go GIRRLLLLL!!!

I know this is really non of my business but I cant help but to ask 🙂....Leo how do you know what Kat is saying is complete BS?

Maybe, Kat has decided to leave well enough alone and just be his friend. stranger things have happened. I really dont think Kat or anyone else here on this forum has any reason to lie or BS. We always come on here complaining and asking for advice from one another. from what I have seen and read we have all been honest with one another for the most part, at lease I have..and I am prety sure that everyone else has as well.

So basically just wondering ......why do you think or what reason do you have to think Kat would have to lie or bs...I just dont get the point in that, we are all adult women and really owe no explaination to each other for our own actions....so why BS. I'm just saying.....

LOL@Kat!!! Ok kat....Let me get you some water to cool you down!!! LOL. I comepletely understand and feel where you are coming from. I am in a similar position where I have had to start emotionally detaching myself....per Krobes advice! LOL. But anyway..I feel ya!

Kat, the botom line is that you are in (or were in) a somewhat difficult situation that we as woman, have all found ourselves in. Its hard to let go of someone who we care about and have feelings for. And its hard to look at someone as just a friend who you would like to be more than friends with.

With that being said...I think you are doing a good job at keeping yourself in check!