So confused by lovely Cancer woman (Page 2)

Posted by unknownghost
She's been through some bad stuff right now and was very happy to hear that I didn't hate her but has warned me friendship is all she can offer me right now, but you know what, I might get the best friend I've ever had out of it. So anyway, thank you for all your words of wisdom, in a weird modern age of computers kind of way, it's helped me out 🙂

This is very good to hear Virgo. It's nice to see some positivity around here.
Open, honest and non demanding with a Cancer and you will get the same in return. Building a foundation of friendship and a slow burn.... so worth it! Enjoy the ride 🙂

any update?

Ohhhhh that is greattt. She is honest with you ....and told you. No other guy 😉 be the friend she needs. Im very glad that you gotten an answer. The "not knowing" part, that is killing hahahahhaa weird hu?! This forum is so awesome. Most sites are just crap. But i like this forum. Great responses: and honest! 😉 i wish you all the luck mister virgo!

Posted by unknownghost
I think Clueless Cancer you've had some bad times with some Virgos and I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, to let you guys know, she just text me. She's been through some bad stuff right now and was very happy to hear that I didn't hate her but has warned me friendship is all she can offer me right now, but you know what, I might get the best friend I've ever had out of it. So anyway, thank you for all your words of wisdom, in a weird modern age of computers kind of way, it's helped me out 🙂

This is what I like about earth signs. Persistence and patience.
We eventually come out of our shells and open up.

Well unfortunately I feel she has closed up again, I'm trying to stay positive and get on with my life, but I can't not think about her, I have to say it's all very strange, the message she sent me basically said she was sorry to have made me worry but something had happened, and she felt it was too difficult to write to me, she thanked me for not hating her and for waiting but I may need to wait a while and that she may only be able to offer me friendship in the end, she said perhaps she can talk honestly to me but that I shouldn't hold her in such high regard, she just didn't want to burden me because of everything that's happened with my dad (he's basically dying in hospital right now), she went on to say that she does feel a connection with me and feels everything I say (the message I sent to her before was telling her how I felt about her) and she wasn't seeing anyone else but just doesn't know if she's in a place to see anyone,then on Sunday I got a message from her asking if I'd like to come round and see her that evening, that we both would like the company, so that evening I text to say I was on my way and she said sorry she was not feeling at all well and just needed to rest and I've not heard from her since, if only she would open up to me and let me in.. I just don't want to give up on her, people keep telling me to move on and get over it but she's just the most beautiful person I've ever met, she's so lovely underneath that guard, I know it's not very manly of me, but it's cutting me inside.

I retract that 'manly' comment, I know I'm a man and if I want to feel emotional I will!

Maybe she hasn't closed up, maybe she just needs time and I just have to be patient with her, right? It's like you said butterfly84.. the 'not knowing' part. She has every right to her own time and I'm not going to push her at all, I just wish she would open up, she knows I won't judge her, to me it sounds like she does want to talk and be honest but something is still holding her back, I'm also not sure if I should text her or just leave it a while, I don't want her to think I have given up on her, maybe she'll just like to hear from me even if she doesn't reply?

Posted by unknownghost
Maybe she hasn't closed up, maybe she just needs time and I just have to be patient with her, right?

right

that's a good answer.. I will go with that 🙂

Can you tell I am just a guy who over analyses stuff? Although she says she does that too.

Posted by unknownghost
Can you tell I am just a guy who over analyses stuff? Although she says she does that too.

so sweet 🙂

So would you advise I send her a text just saying hello and that I'm thinking about her or just leave it, I don't want her to feel like I've gone off her and I certainly don't want her thinking she has pushed me away, because sometimes it feels like she is doing that, but subconsciously if you know what I mean?

Posted by unknownghost
So would you advise I send her a text just saying hello and that I'm thinking about her or just leave it, I don't want her to feel like I've gone off her and I certainly don't want her thinking she has pushed me away, because sometimes it feels like she is doing that, but subconsciously if you know what I mean?

idk, do what comes natural...

She made plans with you then broke them. You shouldn't reward a Cancer for their bad behavior. Being emotional doesn't warrant being an ass.

Let her contact you. If she is genuine she will when she's feeling up to it. If you're understanding of her, just be that

No that's true, I think there is something else going on with her though, whether that is trust issues, could even be a depression thing and I only feel that from experience. She has a lot of trouble sleeping a lot of the time and gets really stressed about her job which I think brings her down, my brother is bi-polar and always cancels on people with excuses when he doesn't want to see them.

Haii guys was too busy
@unknownghost yesss i know that if a guy would have texted me what you did to her there will be three phases of reaction
First i'll melt "awhhh that is so sweet"

Then 2 and this is an annoying habbit we have cause we overthink things is ANY little thing we can make an elephant out off and think : "oh but wait , what did he mean by that?" Horribleeee trait we have

However: 3...we neeeeed reasons and closure. Soooo even what you send was fine cause she IS thinking bout it! Trust me. Every word you send to her is locked up in her mind. Let it linger for awhile, and shellshocker is very wright eventhough she sounds genuine, dont reward it. she has too come out of her shell by herself. We can get to comfortable in there if the other person makes the moves all the time! You have said enough,she knows your feelings now. Now its up to her. If she really cares she will contact you!

I believe she is genuine, we've spoken a fair few times, you can tell when someone is genuine or not. I've not heard back from for over a week now. My take on it is that she does like me, she told me as much and she told me that there is a connection between us which I too believe but I feel because she has been hurt so many times before that she finds it hard to possibly get too close for the worry of being hurt again and that recently she has been feeling guilty over cancelling on me and then something else happened to her which I knew she wanted to tell me about or open up to me about but feels she is strong enough to just go through it alone. This may well mean I won't hear from her again, I don't hold anything against her, she has been through a lot and she doesn't deserve anything else, but I really miss her. I've met people online before and they come and go, but I know in my heart she is different.

any update?

A small update, I hadn't heard anything from her since all that and then the other day got a message from her apologizing for shutting me out and that I've come to mean something to her, she kept saying that I seemed to be one of very few that believes in her and that although she is in no place to 'see' me at the moment, she would like to be friends again when she is ready, she told me she missed me too. She's just so great and I feel so bad that she is in this place right now and there is nothing I can do for her, well no, I have said things to her that she has loved to hear, but I did tell her that I would step back for a while and that she knows where I am if she needs someone to talk too, but I am kind of assuming because we don't know each other all that work, there is some kind of trust issues there and she has told me she finds being alone her way of coping, which is a lot like me, just at the minute my head is clear.

yes yes She's not ready 😢 and we have nothing that we can do about to change it. So breath and let her find herself alone. She doesn't need anybody right now. Because it can only add confusion to her mind. If She want She'll find way for u to know. This is not the right time. So accept the fact and just live! Smile Mr. Innocent man!

I am smiling, thank you and I'm living, always living.. although that is just consumed by work at the moment. Which is good I guess to take my mind off things.

Bit of an update for anyone who is interested.. so before Christmas she started to be in contact a bit more again with texting, one night she text me she missed me and we ended up speaking all night on the phone and again we met just before Christmas.. one thing she spoke about while we were out though that she had never told me about before is that back around the time she went quiet on me, well turns out as well as a close friend dying, her boyfriend broke up with her.. I did not know she was in a relationship, so yeah basically when we first met and talking and flirting..etc.. she was in a relationship.. she sent me a text after that evening saying how she had good feelings about the new year and wanted me to be a part of them, we also planned to meet early in Jan to see my brothers short film that is playing at a festival, she would text occasionally over the next few weeks and New Year, then last week I got a message saying she was a bit down again and on Saturday she sent me a message asking if I was free to chat, but then about a minute into the call she said could she call back in 10 minutes, she never did. On Monday night, the night before the film I sent her a message telling her what time we'd meet and she said she'd let me know when she'd be leaving work the next day. So Tuesday, I get a text saying she'd be leaving work at 6 but then went on to say she was not feeling at all up to it but didn't want to let me down again, then something delayed her for an hour and she text to say she was on her way but couldn't stay for the film, so we met in a pub and she told me that she'd just found out that someone she was really close to passed away just before Christmas, so I gave her a hug and she started kissing me and telling me she is attracted to me but is in no place for a relationship. I certainly did not want to take advantage of her, that's not what I'm about but I get the feeling she might meet guys that do take advantage of her. I said I wanted her to come to the film and on the way to the venue she was clearly panicking about meeting my family, within minutes of getting there she had decided my brother or mum did not acknowledge her properly (which they probably didn't, bit of narcisstic ego problem in my own family) and she wasn't going to the film, I did not want to leave her alone, she seemed to be in a bit of bad way, so I jacked in my brothers film myself and we went to a pub.. she got very drunk very quickly and I have to say, there is a

possibility she took something, she only had a few glasses of wine but she was quite out of it as soon as we got to the pub, maybe she had been drinking before we met, but I don't know, it felt like maybe she was on something else as well. She got extremely emotional, and started telling me how messed up she was and that she felt a connection with me she hadn't felt since her boyfriend that had passed away and that she was terrified if she gets too close to me, I will hurt her or leave her. I told her wouldn't do that but I could see her thoughts going into overdrive and she was clearly deciding that was not true. She was pretty obliterated by the time we left, so I went home with her to get her back safely and she just curled up on me in the cab back to hers. First time I'd seen where she lives and her flat is amazing, we are so similar in so many ways, shelves filled with books, random but cool items everywhere, a small collection of films that strangely contained most of my favourite ones, her place is filled with her memories, then I saw her bedroom, ash trays filled with cigarette butts, half finished bottles of alcohol everywhere, reminded me of my own bedroom during my 20s. I spent the night with her, nothing happened, like I said I wouldn't take advantage of her, I just held her while she slept although she tossed and turned a whole lot during the night, I hardly slept a wink.

When we parted the next day she sent me a message to say thank you and that she was sorry, she's just not in a good place right now, that she's not usually like this and felt bad she was subjecting me to it. Last night, I sent her an email saying I thought it would be best if I gave her some space, that I was possibly just confusing the situation, I told her this is not me walking away from her, so I hope she doesn't read too much into it, I don't know if I will get a reply or not but this can't be the last time we see each other, she lent me her favourite book to read. I've never anyone like her before and I have come to care about her so deeply and if I'm honest I've fallen for her but I know I am putting myself in the firing line to be possibly burned by her. I don't know if I'm being used or she's looking for some safety to latch on to, she might enjoy being self destructive, it never bothered me too much when I was younger. I know I have found myself in a situation where I can't believe that this is happening, where I have met someone who actually makes sense to me a

and I want to be with but has clearly got a lot of bad stuff going on with her and so something between us is possibly not going to happen, is that a selfish thing for me to say? I kind of feel bad about writing this here as I feel like I'm going behind her back somewhat, but it also sometimes good to hear others insights on a situation. Please don't tell me to get over it and run away from her as fast I can, I am a much stronger person than I used to be and I do not turn my back on people I care about whether I've known them for years or even a few months.

that's the easy thing to do is it not? leave someone because we think we're better and more clued up than them, you leave someone and they just retract even further into themselves. I helped my best mate through his heroin addiction when all his family and mates had given up on him, he's now even stronger mentally than I am and has a good job and family, did I do it to make myself feel better, no I did it because he's my best mate and I care about him. Is it wrong for me to not want to turn my back on her?

the ppl from every dating site out ther is bound 2 end up here

Posted by unknownghost
I posted this before but then took it down because I had a great chat with her but now it seems my worse dream has come true.. so this is my story:

I met this woman on a dating website back in July.

Sorry I stopped reading there. I really am iffy about dating sites. I hear nothing but horror stories and everyone has some kind of issue. But that's what I get for watching the ID channel shows like My Date From Hell and Nightmare Next Door etc...

You should get out there and meet someone face to face. Go volunteer. The sweeties are out helping others and most of them have thei crap together. Well except some social workers. Stay away from those they have too much emo. 🙂

Sounds messed up and completely unreliable. Why are you attracted to this? What do you imagine you'll get out of it?

That's the thing.. All the 'clued up' people I've had relationships with all cheated on me, yeah everything seemed perfect at the outset then went to hell.. this girl is the first person who has opened up to me in this way basically telling me she cheats and lies and is terrified of hurting me.. this to me sounds like some cry for help, maybe it's not, maybe she's completely psycho and just after attention, I don't believe that though, I'm usually quite at reading people nowadays. I guess I have made up my own mind about the situation and not sure why I am asking people I don't know, but thanks for all your comments in any case 🙂

Wow, I'd say my story was the same which is why I posted my thread but I wouldn't have taken it anywhere this far..... I'd go crazy and Virgo guy this girl is driving you insane.

But yeah.....if I allowed it I suppose the girl I'm talking about might do the same. I'm just wondering if this is a test or not. I've never had a girl just out if nowhere tell me to not contact her...and that she's not "ready". I don't even know what that means. So weird....yet such a "pulls you in"

Never seen anything like it

She's not driving me insane.. yes she makes me think and then think some more.. but I know I am strong enough that if she walks away from me forever, then so be it, it wasn't meant to be but I will not walk away from her, currently she's gone quiet again and I send her messages, nothing heavy, just like her to know I'm there, I know she reads them. I would stay stick with her but only if you understand her and care about her and feel her, she might be playing games with you or 'testing' you but don't play games in return. If you're not strong enough I would suggest you walk away, if you are.. enjoy the ride.