Sweeping me off my feet..... (Page 3)

"undercover woman hater, yes they do exist lol, "

My X husband was like this.... he and his mom didn't get along very well she was controlling (scorpio)

"Another woman of a different astrology sun sign can come on these Cancer boards and describe a great relationship with a Cancer man "

Krobe- this is true for me too because Caps are supposed to be compatible with taurus and virgo... well I can't stand virgos they get on my last nerve and i like taurus' but they are not usually physically attracitive, atleast the ones I meet. I have always been drawn to the fire in the Leos and the Aries (eerr never date another Aries...check) ok... where was I? ok, well yes I have always been drawn to their directness and energy. Maybe because I have Sag rising... i don't know. what do you think?

"I'm afraid.. I am."

Lemme share something I had to seriously seriously grasp while dating, MEN only care about how you make him feel about himself when he's around you, looks play a part but looks has never kept a man long term, intelluctual attraction something you 2 seem to have will be what keeps him around long term, the combination of physical and intelluctual

for the most part he's looking for that complementary energy exchange that makes him feel that forever feeling, that will make him throw away that single life and couple up and be with that good feeling woman.

Don't allow FEARS to get in the way of your happiness, meaning dig them up, look at them, love them and transform them into something positive so you can be vulnerable around your man which will inspire him to give you more of himself, also BE PRESENT, meaning get out of your head because your living and dwelling in the past and the good stuff happens when your present, you meet people that you never thought you would meet, men pay attention and your confidence level goes way up, I tend to say in my mind to myself pay attention, pay attention over and over or I will say stop thinking over and over and give people my full attention and I can't even tell you how this has transformed my life and my energy feels free and clean and yes other men will be watching you too when they don't smell fear and weakness..get rid of it, its useless, men don't care about the things we worry about, he just wants to enjoy himself and your half way there, he's calling, talking, being available, courting you, all you have to do is show up and appreciate his time and energy...hello d:

I think i'm just sad today... Missing my Cancer so much!! I'm not going to call him but it still hurts.

I think i'm just sad today... Missing my Cancer so much!! I'm not going to call him but it still hurts.

Well it only hurts because YOU are allowing it to hurt. Cancer men withdraw, that is how he is and after reading ALL these posts that is how it is going to be? He is not doing ANYTHING wrong to YOU! That is just how he is! The reason why you are hurt right now is because you are sitting around waiting on him.

What is he doing wrong to you? He told you up front he didn't want a relationship and he wanted to move slow. You agreed with him and stooped to the level of a "friends with benefits" hoping that somehow he would see the beauty in you and change his mind and he didn't and he WON'T changed his mind. You fell into his trap. Now he is being a TOXIC MAN and withdrawing and "showing you" his true colors.

It is anything wrong with him? NO! Right now, face your DARK SIDE! Your deepest fears. Embrace them, hug them, LOVE them and ALL that means is be true to loving YOURSELF. Don't try loving your fears through your CANCER man. ALL the Cancer man is doing is exciting your fears you have within yourself.

Try dating that Leo man, he won't leave you lonely!

"What is he doing wrong to you? He told you up front he didn't want a relationship and he wanted to move slow. You agreed with him and stooped to the level of a "friends with benefits" hoping that somehow he would see the beauty in you and change his mind and he didn't and he WON'T changed his mind. You fell into his trap. Now he is being a TOXIC MAN and withdrawing and "showing you" his true colors."

You accepted his RULES and flipped it on him when you realized that his RULES wasn't working for you and that your needs and wants are just as important YET you blindly didn't realize when you accepted his RULES on his terms, you arbitrarily KILLED your power and killed your voice in which direction all this would play out, he's punishing you for changing your mind, if he really was interested in you and your needs he would have said hey lets sit down and discuss this as to were we both feel good about what direction this is going in so you could feel secure knowing that your both on the same page and heading in the same direction but NO, he wants you to flip back into his RULES so he can be happy and content and what about you??

This is why its important to be true to YOU, when a man says how he feels and it doesn't jive with what you want then you have to SPEAK UP, don't stuff it down and HOPE he changes over time because he won't and he will resent you trying to speed up the pace and deviate from HIS PLAN OF ACTION

You are emotionally connected with him and thats natural, when women sleep with a man and only that man well she feels loyal to that man irregardless of how much of a bastard selfish jerk he is...this will pass if you let it

Ask yourself do you want a piece of man, a piece of a relationship or do you want to set yourself free to see whats out there in the unknown world of men that desire to give you all your heart desires and then some

I can say this, whatever you choose be it to go back to cancer or not, we are here to support you but I think you know you will never be satisfied with your cancer on his terms only

robe...LK-

You really know how to lift me up. Thank you that really helped a lot. I tend to forget the bad and look only at the good. That's how I got myself into this situation in the first place. Thanks for reminding me. Cancer and I are on two different pages right now and YES he is trying to SHOW ME... waiting for me to call him and crawl back to him so we can start this cycle all over again. I drew the line and I'm not crossing it, if anyone is going to cross it it's going to be him. Until then I have huuuummmm:

1. Leo (church boy)
2. Leo (who really likes me and has for 2 years)
3. Taurus (has known me for 3 years and is dying to take me on a date, but I keep putting him off)
4. Pisces (my precious Pisces...so slow and forgetful.. he needs a lot of work!!!!)

I put all these guys to the side for my Cancer.... Guess I'll start with MR. Leo from church..lol

I'm sure there will be prospects....

I'll never be satisfied on his terms... this is true.

cancer is not a lost cause, if he can put his pride and ego aside and come to you with a plan of action that suits the both of you then of course give it a go but always remember to keep your eye on the prize, if he's not willing to meet your needs then you should know that you have options and the possibilities are endless, there are good men everywhere just gotta shift your eyes off of a toxic man to see them

cancer is not a lost cause, if he can put his pride and ego aside and come to you with a plan of action that suits the both of you then of course give it a go but always remember to keep your eye on the prize, if he's not willing to meet your needs then you should know that you have options and the possibilities are endless, there are good men everywhere just gotta shift your eyes off of a toxic man to see them

Yeah and like I stated before, if he is willing to try (YOUR CANCER guy) give him the chance. Don't hold up a wall trying to protect yourself up from him. Let him into your heart. He may be willing to take this to the next level.

I know you have to feel some sort of loyalty to a man you are sleeping with but don't expect much from him if you are trading your love with the means of giving him sex! Men need to KNOW you have mental intelligence and YOU will not let him take advantage of your kindness either.

CapyWife,

I poke my head out of my shell every now and then. All I can tell you is that Krobe, LK and Tiki have given you everything you need. It's now up to you to choose your plan of action. I too came here about a year ago about a Cancer man. I read everything I could find on this board and it was the combination of Krobe, LK, Tiki, Ellidyr and others that really made me understand that my anxiety was of my own doing. I discovered that my expectations and the reality of my situation were not in synch. I was driving my ownself crazy! I can laugh about it now but then I was confused and pissed! I have learned a lot on this board. My issues came mostly from my lack of experience in the dating world and my lack of knowledge about how men think. I've only had 2 serious longterm relationships and neither of them went through the traditional steps of dating, committed, marriage. It was the old school back in the younger days of meet somebody and poof...we're together.

"I tend to forget the bad and look only at the good." (Quote from CapyWife)

If you listen to the Steve Harvey morning show he just talked about this. He said that men will take note of the good but they will not overlook the bad in a woman. Men shop around for the best deal...women take the first thing smoking that looks good and sounds good but hasn't been proven to be good for them. Men leave their options open and women choose too soon sometimes without having enough information. I read that book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus there's some good stuff in there. I think women need to educate themselves about the differences in men and women. I feel empowered now and it started on this board for me. Then I started seeking knowledge outside of myself...books, internet, etc.

There's a certain mindset or pespective if you will that's needed when in the dating world. It's a meat market out here. People come with baggage and issues and their agenda is not always the same as yours...hence the process that Tiki was talking about. Let the man meet your standards before you allow him to move to the next level.

Hang in there!! DXP can be a good place for support.

That reminds me...one time my Cancer and I was supposed to get together and he was going to pick me up but he had to make a stop at his job first. Well hours went by and he called me saying he was going to be late...ok no problem...he called i appreciated that. Then hours went by again with no word from him...needless to say i was pissed. I didn't call him (I heard Krobe in my ear saying YOU have to show HIM that YOU will NOT tolerate that sh1t!!)...LOL! So I waited till I calmed down and sent him an email explaining how I felt because of his actions and that I would appreciate it if that never happened again...I didn't contact him anymore after that...I let him initiate contact after that...and it never happened again! That was about a year ago. That goes back to what I think LK and Tiki said in this thread...boundaries. It's not just a Cancer thing it's a man thing. Women teach men how to treat us! So true! Give all the men a chance but pick the one that's right for you. It's what men do...why can't you!

"If you listen to the Steve Harvey morning show he just talked about this."

That morning show is funny, they do touch on some pretty good topics, looks like he took some time out to educate women, good for him...we need all the help we can get

"That reminds me...one time my Cancer and I was supposed to get together and he was going to pick me up but he had to make a stop at his job first. Well hours went by and he called me saying he was going to be late...ok no problem...he called i appreciated that. Then hours went by again with no word from him...needless to say i was pissed. I didn't call him (I heard Krobe in my ear saying YOU have to show HIM that YOU will NOT tolerate that sh1t!!)...LOL! "

LMAO yeah you picked up fast and I know you felt wonderful and strong inside after letting him know the deal, ladies be brave be brave be brave, I can't say that enough

stop worrying about losing, look at it this way, if he's resistant to giving you a great romantic loving experience, if he's dogging you out, hanging up in your face, breaking dates and never calling, just all out being disrespecful then YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST not only have you lost yourself in the relationship, you have lost your time, your money, your energy and this is why its important to pick up fast and learn as much as you can, learn to love ALL of you the good bad and ugly so you can stop attracting these dog ass men, ONCE YOU HEAL YOU WILL NOT WANT A MAN LIKE THIS, YOU WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM TWICE, you will just walk away because you will not be trying to love these bad boys and will be much more focused on loving the bad in YOU, you will be much more interested in healing your innerworld instead of trying to heal his outerworld so you can love yourself through a man..thats the hard futile way, stop it

as you heal your past, heal the pain within yourself you will feel confident and unbreakable, no man can just walk up and speak sweet words to have your heart only to begin dogging you out the next week or day, you will love you so much that it won't matter anymore how he feels about you and as you go through your dating relationship journey you will feel so much better knowing that you can say NO and walk away from toxic selfish men and if a man pulls that I don't want you rejection BS you will just laugh and not give it a second thought and move on to that good man that wants you in his life instead of you trying to convince some dimwit man to grow up, you will not waste another second on it,

dating really is fun once you set some strong boundaries and have options with men

I hope you take something from Yamama's post...

-- your cancer is trying to teach you a lesson. he thinks you will come cryign back to him. he is "showing you."

hmmm, that's a pretty harsh assumption. Cancers are often misunderstood -- i would jump to this conclusion about Capywife's cancer guy.

as for astrology -- I think of it as how much you're willing to "bend" for each other. When two very compatible signs get together, there's very little "bending" needed. Both people can be exactly who they are and it'll work magically. Not much extra-effort required to make things work.

However, when two signs aren't great matches (horoscope-wise), it just means it'll require more bending on both sides to make things work. Again, it depends how much bending you're willing to do. If you both bend to the point where things break, that obviously wouldn't result in a healthy relationship.

Leos/Caps aren't natural matches in terms of astrology. You might eventually find things about the Leo guy that will turn you off (they're egocentric, self-absorbed, arrogant) and things that you will love (generous, warm-hearted, courageous). But you'll never know if the relationship will work unless you give it a shot.

I know Caps take a very long time to make a decision like this but when they do, they are 100% committed to it. We're all pulling for you Capywife! I'm sure everyone on this board just wants to see you happy -- whether it's with the Cancer or the Leo guy. 🙂

Tiki,

I actually felt great after doing it. Either 1 of 2 things was going to happen. He was going to respect my request and not do it again OR i was never going to hear from him anymore. I was prepared for both outcomes. I've already been through enough BS in relationships and REFUSE to go through that crap again.

Yeah I've read that book Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus. It's a really good book. I have it at home. I do miss my Cancer man so much but I have drawn the line and if he choice is to not talk to me anymore then fine it's not like I did something wrong. I did speak to his mother earlier today because I called his sister to tell her my daughter's birthday party was next week and she wanted her daughter to come. But his mom answered the phone and she asked how we were doing cause she hadn't seen me around. She said that she really loves me a lot and the kids and that she wants me to take her to the mall tomorrow to help her look for an outfit. It's so hard for me to say no to her. She said that things will work out and to just keep praying over it.

Last night Mr. Leo came over and we talked for hours. I could barely keep my hands off of him...dddaayymmmm!! But I finally got a chance to really hug him and have him close to me. We have so much chemistry. He has called me three times today already. Yesterday I called him before I left work but he didn't answer so when he called back I was busy and didn't answer the phone. I wanted to see if he was going to call again and he did about an hour later. I spoke with him for a while. He was so shy last night and I could tell he was nervous although he said he wasn't.

But you know it was nice being with someone who I knew was really interested, but after he left I couldn't stop thinking of my Cancer and how much I really missed him and wanted him to be there. I think about dating other people....and I will date other people, but I can't imagine someone other then him having my heart. Maybe one day I will meet that guy who will come along and change that feeling but for now I miss him. It's crazy how spending time with Mr. Leo made me see how much I really care for cancer. Maybe it's just me getting used to two different men. I'm sure there will be things that I will grow to love about Mr. Leo....like the way he hugs me so tight and he is so straight forward. I don't have to ask a million questions and guess for hours about how he is feeling. He just blurts it out.

It's all so confusing. I know there is only so much that I can explain and share with you all on this site and there are so many good things that you don't know about Cancer and me. Still the fact remains that I asked him if he wanted to go further with me and I haven't heard from him since. When all things (good and bad) are considered w

with that ultimatum included..it all equals the fact that he has been silent for days with no call. If he loved me he would have called by now.

Leo is exciting and fun. He is like a breath of fresh air.

Jean- that Leo will in the very least, pick up your spirits. They really are sweethearts. I saw that last night. He tried to be so strong and tough, but when I held him and he held me I could feel him melt in my arms.... contently phhhuuuurrring with every stroke of my fingers running through his hair. He almost fell asleep. But in the back of my mind I could see my Cancer and for a short moment it was hard for me to enjoy myself. Here I am with this wonderful guy, great conversation, and physical attraction....and I'm stuck with one foot in the past "just in case". Why is it that even when I say I'm finished I find that I've really just placed a bookmark where I last left off..."just in case"? I have to let go.

I understand your feelings Capywife, believe me I do but in all honesty those feelings are counterproductive and not in your best interest, your cancer clearly wants things done at his pace and on his terms, meaning your feelings, terms, needs, wants are not a priority, you will never be happy as long as you have no voice, no options in that relationship, I would encourage you to stop calling his family, THAT IS NOT GOING TO MAKE CANCER MAN COME BACK, I know you say it was due to the birthday party but I'm a woman and I would hope on a subconscious level that cancer would know about it and maybe call

Let his family call you if they are interested in your children or in the future choose to send an invitation as to not get yourself deeply involved in his life on the side, I know you don't mean to make it seem that way but in his eyes its manipulation and he will be ready for you to break down and give him the relationship he wants not what you want.

When you feel yourself drift off like that..guess what? Leo man feels it too and he will soon begin to distance himself if you keep that up so just look at cancer man in your mind and turn your back on him and walk away, your cancer will begin to feel that he no longer has that pull on you and he will come back, thinking about him will not make him come back, he has to feel you have let him go so he can come back to you, thus when he comes back you can if you choose begin to build up the relationship mutually

You are not OBLIGATED to date only one man, you can be clear with a man that you only sleep with him exclusively but you will continue keep your options open, let him know that you don't want to pressure nor push him into a relationship he's not ready to fully commit to because dating should be fun and pressure free and yet you feel its in your best interest to keep your options open for someone who is ready, do you know how many women get stuck with horrible men because they won't allow themselves the freedom to CHOOSE THE BEST man, this is why men date more than one woman, he doesn't want to be stuck with some troll of a woman, and in all honesty unless your a pain freak...who needs or wants a horrible incompatible mate?

If you really feel you want cancer on his terms then I encourage you go back to him...you been down that road

i don't want him on his terms at all. I called his sister cause she called me last week asking me about the party. My daughter and her daughter are extremely close to each other. I'm going to contiune focusing on me...

Well Saturday his mother called and wanted me to come and take her shopping cause she didn't have anyone else to take her (she is really his Aunt, his mother passed away) and I told her I would take her after I got the kids together. Well when I got to the house she wasn't there and his grandmother was there. She told me that my cancer had came and picked her up already and that he took her to get a cell phone for emergencies. His grandmother wanted to see the kids so I took them out the car to let her say hello to them. Well my cancer pulled up at that time. Unaware that I was going to be at the house. I felt so awkward. I told him that his mom had called me also to come and take her out.

He tried to keep a straight face but he was so happy to see me and the kids. I went to get something from out of the house and when I came out he taken my daughter and my 2 year old to jump on the trampoline next door. His aunt wanted me to take her out so I took her to run more errands. About an hour later we returned to the house so I could drop her off. He was still playing with the kids. He came back over the house with my kids and I told him I had to go. I know those expressions and that man was so sad and every where I went in the house he kept following me but I wasn't paying him any attention. I was nice to him but not accommodating. He gave the kids a hug and said that he had to leave too because he had some guys at the studio waiting for him to get back. He kept staring at me and shaking his head. He gave me a hug which he initiated and as I was getting in the car he said a pitiful "good bye tu" so I waved and left.

I hadn't heard from him in a week. I hadn't heard from him since he took me out last Saturday to the Aquarium. After I left I didn't hear from him. Then this morning when I get to work I have 4 e-mails from him. He sent me all the pictures that we took together at the Aquarium. So it takes a whole week to send them? I didn't even want them that's the reason why I didn't ask for them. I think he wants me to respond to these e-mails. Is this an attempt to get my attention...to find out where I stand? Maybe I'm over analyzing it.

now he just called my job
cause one of the emails was about a movie he had left over my house from blockbuster. He called to ask me if I would return it (we never got a chance to watch it) and I told him that I would return it for him. He was like "unless i'm going to come over and watch it...or I can get it and bring it all the way to my house and then drive all the way back up ther to return it" i told him I would return it for him. He said " I really miss you guys a lot, so how are you doing?" i told him I was fine and the kids were good. So he started talking about the pictures and how it took him so long to upload themto the computer and how he wasn't going to send them to me but then he decided to send them. i didnt say anything. So he said ok and we hung up. I mean he couldn't wait for me to answer the e-mail? I don't get it.

now he just sent me 3 e-mails....

One tellingme how much he misses me and another askingme if i will hang out with him

and then he sent the song "Everybody Knows" by John Legend

Jean---

lol you would ask that huh— I haven't done anything yet. I prayed over all of this last night because i got the urge to call him but then instead i just prayed and the lord said "just be still and know that i am God" so I didn't do anything. I fell asleep praying. I prayed this morning when I got up because as soon as I opened my eyes I thought about him and so I started to pray over my family and him and my home and my job. My whole thing was...I didn't want to do anything that the Lord hadn't directed me to do and take things into my own hands. I told him that I wasnt going to do anything and that i was just going to leave it in his hands and let him take care of it. then I get to work today and all of this is happening.

I havent' done anything yet.... I haven't answered him or called him. He tried to recall the message that he sent about us hanging out but it was too late cause I had already checked it. I guess he sent it and then his pride kicked in and he decided not to send it.

I do do a lot of errands for people...lol not only him.

LK.... this is true this is why I havent answered him.

i told him to contact me when he was ready for something serious

Capywife didn't I say leave his family ALONE, because I knew and you knew this would happen, you subconsciously feel being close to his family will bring him back...now he's honeymooning you, doing what it takes and JUST when you bounce on it and get comfortable during the honeymoon phase he will pick up and be his old self again. You can NEVER be caught by this guy, meaning every time he hangs with you he will feel like he's caught you and begin to panic and swear you want more than him,of course he's the one initiating and chasing but if you say I like this give me more he will see that as a DEMAND and begin to spew green stuff all over the relationship.

You will always have to act indifferent, ignore calls, ignore emails AFTER he's filled you up with this euphoric feeling of love, you will never be able to treat this like a normal relationship (remember that rollercoaster ride I told you about well your almost back on it) If you can live like that then so be it. He's chasing you and thats exactly what he wants to do, it gives him this adrenaline rush, that hunters instinct but once he catches you he will begin to panic due to YOUR expectations of wanting more of him.

I know it feels nice but love is patient and slow, some men ARE GREAT at creating that loving feeling in a woman which we easily mistake as real love and that very same man will turn around and cuss you out, It took me a very very long time to wrap my brain around how could a guy say he love me, do loving things then call me a stupid bitch in the same breath LOL. After much investigation I realize it was never love because these man do this to every woman, the woman on the street, the cashier, the car wash lady, they do it to everyone, charm charm charm charm charm until its second nature....

You can explore a relationshp with cancer but I guarantee you the minute you seem comfortable and he's conquered you, the beast will unleash, he will pick at your flaws, he will run into his shell, he will make YOU seem like the demanding rushing wanna be girlfriend trying to steal away his freedom ironically several days ago when you were relaxed and doing your own thing he was saying he missed you and wanted you and needed you but soon as you reciprocate love your the prison gaurd...be careful hun

I am not saying you can't date him but the normal relationship rules DO NOT APPLY with these kind of men, there is a way you must date them and yes its exhausting LOL especialy exhausting for women that are not commtiment phobic themselves, unless you know how to do date these kind men I would advise you get a man thats not so resistant like the leo, step away from the intoxicating challenge of bagging a CP man because its not EASY and you will lose yourself, your money, your heart if you don't know what your doing, having a great NORMAL relationship will NEVER exist with them, these commtiment phobic men are a whole notha breed and have a whole new set of rules, they have there own dating manual of instruction book....learn it or let it alone

I'm the brave kind, I used to be timid but not anymore, I personally would respond by saying it feels really good hearing from you and I do appreciate the sweet gestures of affection and it would feel wonderful having you come over and watch the movie with me and the kids but I need you to understand that at this time I'm not open to an exclusive relationship with you or anyone else until I find the best match for me, I don't say this to force you into anything and I respect and can appreciate your need to figure things out for yourself, waiting doesn't make me feel good which isn't in my best interest and simply isn't an option. It would feel great having you in my life yet I can understand if you choose to decline and I wish you all the best.

He needs to know that you are a smart woman and YOU DO THE CHOOSING not him, he may choose to leave but so be it, if he can't give you what you need to be with him then he's just going to come and go as he pleases anyway...if you choose to not date other men and wait which is one of your options then just know what comes with that...pain

I know they say cancer men go into there shells but I'm a firm believer that if a woman doesn't set boundaries with a man and isn't firm in her stance on how he behaves towards her, he will do what he wants, some things are just not acceptable no matter the sign

oh and you don't have to use that letter, thats just something I would do d:

be willing to lose to win

Dammnit! The more I read the more he sounds like my X... I'm sorry girl but I would listen to the advice tiki33 is giving she knows what she's talkin about! I went back and forth with my X 3 times and it was always him pushing me away and then wanting me back again! I am a cancer to so I held on each time and went back hoping things could be the same! He always finds something wrong with me and finds his way out of the relationship! This time he wants to come back again promising marriage and he is finally ready to really settle down! And you know what I believe him! But won't go back I am a different person now and don't have time to put up with his shit and i'm sure he will not like the person he turned me into!

oh and just an fyi if you do use that letter just know he will go into RED ZONE quickly, anger, frustration, making you feel guilty for taking control of your life (DON'T FALL FOR IT) when he calms down he will say yep she's right, I don't want a relationship with her or anyone right now and she has every right to push me in the corner until I'm ready.

set a boundary ladies and stick with it, men do it all the time, set boundaries so you have to be in his life on his terms and won't run over into places of his life he's unwilling to share, I notice some women have a problem setting boundaries, boundaries are YOUR FRIEND, it keeps men from running all over your life, it keeps them from popping in and out when they choose, it keeps you IN CONTROL of the direction you want your love life and personal life to go. Some men try and make you feel bad, feel stupid, feel guilt and pitiful for setting boundaries...that is a classic sign of a man that is a jerk, a mean controlling asshole and most likely a womanizer and he's not USED to women taking control of her life, he's used to needy, clingy, no life women that will let a man piss all over her life for mere crumbs of love and affection...

honeygirl, all I can say is get the ring, set the date and make the down payments on the venues, ACTIONS, his actions, the more he invest money wise and emotionally the more serious you can take him, the more he gives the more likely he's going to follow through and if he doesn't then thats HIS money, time and energy that went down the drain, don't invest too much of yourself until he's shown you that he's serious by setting that wedding date and putting money down on those flower arrangements or a wedding planner, he has to do something to show you that he's serious

"i told him to contact me when he was ready for something serious"

This gives him the power and control. What would have been better in my opinion is to set the standard for him so he will know his boundaries.

ahem...oscar winning performance coming right up...

TONE: Calm and Sincere, Full eye contact

Act 1, Scene 1

Listen, at this time in my life I am not looking for a man that cannot respect me and my kids. I do not want a man that feels as though he can come and go in my life as he pleases. I cannot and will not have a man in my life who is not stable and who cannot provide emotional and financial security for me and my kids. I do not want a man that does not have the strength to express his true feelings for me and who will not be there for me. I will not put up with a man who ignores me and shuts me out of his life. I don't want a man who is not consistent in his actions who will run at the first sign of trouble and who can't prove to me that I am a priority in his life. Can you understand that? I am not asking for anything that any self respecting woman wouldn't want from a man who truly loves them would want. This is what I need and I cannot and will not settle for less. My heart is ready for a real, lasting relationship built on mutual trust, communication and respect. I will not allow a man in my kids life who is not willing to give us his whole heart and love us totally. From this point on I will only take into account a person's actions until I feel as though they have proven to me that they can be trusted with my heart and my kids hearts. I can't have a man in my life that doesn't treat me the way he would want a man to treat his mother or his sister or any woman in his life that he loves and respects. A man is going to have to EARN my love and trust for me to consider having them in my life.

THE END

What i've learned is that if you tell a man what you DO WANT then he will do those things only...and that's the bare minimum. If you tell a man what you DON'T WANT then when he's on the playground he knows which parts of the playground not to play with. He may need some reminder conversations every now and then but if he respects you he'll straighten right up.

Now dammit if this man doesn't step up to the plate after that...then he needs to step the hell off! You have to decide to not let this man in your life as he is not worthy of your respect and trust. Cut all ties with him and his family and make room for the REAL BIG DADDY! 🙂 Don't block your blessings with a block head dude that is just not mature enough to deal with a real woman.

hello...go head YaMama....pointing fingers to my eyes to your eyes...we feeling one another...we both on the same mental wave pattern d:

I'm sorry tiki! I just don't trust this man anymore he has let me down too many times and I can't take another one! I have moved back and forth from Boston to Arizona 4 times already! I'm tired of leaning on my family for support and my sister has made it clear i'm not welcome back at her house again so I just bought a car got my own place and to pick up and leave for this man again because he can't make up his mind, is not in my future he left me with a baby boy once but twice! And like I asked him how can you decide you love someone and want to be with someone for the rest of your life after leaving them and wanting nuthin to do with your own child?

I'm sorry tiki! I just don't trust this man anymore he has let me down too many times and I can't take another one! I have moved back and forth from Boston to Arizona 4 times already! I'm tired of leaning on my family for support and my sister has made it clear i'm not welcome back at her house again so I just bought a car got my own place and to pick up and leave for this man again because he can't make up his mind, is not in my future he left me with a baby boy once but twice! And like I asked him how can you decide you love someone and want to be with someone for the rest of your life after leaving them and wanting nuthin to do with your own child?

I'm sorry tiki! I just don't trust this man anymore he has let me down too many times and I can't take another one! I have moved back and forth from Boston to Arizona 4 times already! I'm tired of leaning on my family for support and my sister has made it clear i'm not welcome back at her house again so I just bought a car got my own place and to pick up and leave for this man again because he can't make up his mind, is not in my future he left me with a baby boy once but twice! And like I asked him how can you decide you love someone and want to be with someone for the rest of your life after leaving them and wanting nuthin to do with your own child?

I'm sorry tiki! I just don't trust this man anymore he has let me down too many times and I can't take another one! I have moved back and forth from Boston to Arizona 4 times already! I'm tired of leaning on my family for support and my sister has made it clear i'm not welcome back at her house again so I just bought a car got my own place and to pick up and leave for this man again because he can't make up his mind, is not in my future he left me with a baby boy once but twice! And like I asked him how can you decide you love someone and want to be with someone for the rest of your life after leaving them and wanting nuthin to do with your own child?

I'm sorry tiki! I just don't trust this man anymore he has let me down too many times and I can't take another one! I have moved back and forth from Boston to Arizona 4 times already! I'm tired of leaning on my family for support and my sister has made it clear i'm not welcome back at her house again so I just bought a car got my own place and to pick up and leave for this man again because he can't make up his mind, is not in my future he left me with a baby boy once but twice! And like I asked him how can you decide you love someone and want to be with someone for the rest of your life after leaving them and wanting nuthin to do with your own child?

Oh honeygirl, I didn't know you were moving back and forth, yeeeesh d:

Well he would have to do the moving and proving, meaning he would be making all the moves by moving to your city, getting his own place, paying for rings, making down payments on venues, buying the home and putting both names on it, not ever asking anything from you ever, he would do it all and therefore that would be proof enough and why aren't these women listening to you? LOL! They should be picking your brain about these cancer men.

until then C'est la vie

NO i told him that he can contact me when he is serious... i told him that today.

basically dont call me til your serious

"I'm the brave kind, I used to be timid but not anymore, I personally would respond by saying it feels really good hearing from you and I do appreciate the sweet gestures of affection and it would feel wonderful having you come over and watch the movie with me and the kids but I need you to understand that at this time I'm not open to an exclusive relationship with you or anyone else until I find the best match for me, I don't say this to force you into anything and I respect and can appreciate your need to figure things out for yourself, waiting doesn't make me feel good which isn't in my best interest and simply isn't an option. It would feel great having you in my life yet I can understand if you choose to decline and I wish you all the best.
"

this is almost exactly what i told him. tiki

yes he said that he is but i haven't replied

Tell him that right now his words make you feel unsure and you will continue on your journey of choosing a reliable partner that best suits you and your kids thus until you feel secure in knowing he's going to be a reliable partner you will treat him with no special treatment until his actions show you otherwise

you can tweak it however you need but make sure he knows that his words don't hold any weight with you

I understand that you told him to contact you when he's serious but this still gives him the power. This goes back to the differences between how men and women think in my opinion. Now HE has the power to feel like whenever HE feels like you're worth HIS time then HE has the OPTION of calling you IF he FEELS like he's serious.

Telling him what you DON'T WANT puts YOU in a position of power because HE has to conform to YOUR RULES if he wants to be with you. Then he can PROVE to YOU that he's SERIOUS by his ACTIONS and NOT by his WORDS.

I'm just trying to offer you a different perspective so you can see how you give him the power to choose when and how he can have you when it would be more beneficial to lay out the boundaries and rules and then see if he acts accordingly. Make him EARN you. If you are worth it to him he will have no problem doing whatever it takes to EARN you. I'm sharing with you what I know from personal experience with my Cancer and what I've seen with my best male friend who is a Cancer and my oldest brother who is a Cancer. I was raised by a Capricorn mother and my niece is a Cap who just got out of a relationship with a Cancer.

I also have 4 brothers so the real low down dirty male perspective has been available to me about their relationships with women since i'm their little sister so they are brutally honest with me about men and their pespectives. Men are much simpler than women think it's all about having the knowledge and perspective to understand that. The choice on how to handle it is yours of course I hope everything works out the way you want it.

Umm as long as you leave his ass alone period he'll come crawling back they always do! cancer men never go away they willb be a part of your life forever friends or lovers they will hold on to you for the rest of their lives if you let them...