The Highs. The Lows.

How do you deal with the mood swings of a Crab gent?

They are great people to work with - super fun, charismatic, hardworking, and intuitive in the best moments but when their moods take over (which could be a sensitivity over anything), everything is likely ruined. They become unreliable, inconsistent, temperamental, sensitive, and take many things personal.

I know many will say just take the highs with the lows, but honestly it gives me whiplash and in a fast paced professional environment it is just a headache to deal with. I just wished their best moments come about more often than their lesser ones. At their best, those highs are amazing.

Advice Needed Please.

That hasn't been my experience with Cancer men. I've found them to be fun, attentive and reliable. But, if they did act the way you describe, I would ignore them.

It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??

You just leave them alone lol..

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??

You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂

I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.

When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

That is the only reason why I want him functioning at his best, for his sake but more importantly I guess also for my own sake too. I suppose you could say it is selfish or it is in my own self interest to make sure he is performing.

Posted by SurprisinglyBoredGemini
Punch them in the face and tell them to stop being a whiny bitch

Haha!

I can't say that didn't cross my mind but I rather not have a Crabgent as an enemy.

Posted by Findingbalance

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

No. Scorpio needs to know you'd be there if they wanted you to be but still leave them alone whereas cancer wants you to fawn over them and therethere them. Scorpio appreciates the thought and likes that you care but doesn't want you close (save a select few) but cancer wants to spread their unhappiness or have someone fix it. Validate that their right to be upset.

I'm of course generalizing and speaking of the "unevelved" variants...

click to expand

Interesting, never thought of it in that way. Astute thinking, and you might be on to something.

What do you mean by fawning? Isn't that fake and insincere, I thought Crabs would pick up on that very quickly. Do you mean Crabs want attention for the sake of attention, while Stingers want thought and care even if the person isn't physically close by?

Of course I'm asking all this in a general manner. Although, I forgot his chart so I'd have to find it again to be more specific but if I remember correctly he is Crabgent heavy.

Posted by CosmicCunt
If you can't love him at his worst, you don't deserve him at his best 😆

I don't love him, he is someone I work with.

Posted by IceStorm
I have a cancer moon, I like to be left alone or given space when I’m in a funk.

But if the two of you have a work dynamic that requires communicating or working together, you could offer just a hint of an opportunity for him to open up to you about what he has on his mind. You could say something like “is everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself today.” If he remains closed off, leave him be. It might not be work related at all, so just don’t take it personal and leave him be. He will come out of his shell when he’s ready.

Thank you! I'll give that a go again and report back on the results.

Given all the previous advice maybe I'm too blunt and straight forward (too old not to speak my mind these days but maybe Crabgents need a gentle touch).

Whenever I had checked in with him in the past, either he reacts happily that I noticed and spew out his discontent (whatever it was that bothered him) or he reacts in a sheepish way or out of embarrassment he goes and hide from me.

🤷‍♀️

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂

I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.

When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.

click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

click to expand

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

click to expand

And just make sure the issue is tangible, not just your perception. If a third party outside your group is noticing, so much the better. But avoid turning it into a fight.

Posted by GoodBunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by IceStorm
I have a cancer moon, I like to be left alone or given space when I’m in a funk.
But if the two of you have a work dynamic that requires communicating or working together, you could offer just a hint of an opportunity for him to open up to you about what he has on his mind. You could say something like “is everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself today.” If he remains closed off, leave him be. It might not be work related at all, so just don’t take it personal and leave him be. He will come out of his shell when he’s ready.

Thank you! I'll give that a go again and report back on the results.

Given all the previous advice maybe I'm too blunt and straight forward (too old not to speak my mind these days but maybe Crabgents need a gentle touch).

Whenever I had checked in with him in the past, either he reacts happily that I noticed and spew out his discontent (whatever it was that bothered him) or he reacts in a sheepish way or out of embarrassment he goes and hide from me.

🤷‍♀️

It needs to sound sincerely warm. If that isn't your personality don't fake it. Sometimes people do have other things going on in their life. If he isn't sharing then he doesnt have that rapport with you. A good supervisor will check in when they see a change in employees temperament and performance, so hopefully they will speak to him amd refer to eap

click to expand

It was genuine when I checked in on him, but my weakness is that my patience runs thin quickly when someone else's emotional swings does nothing to improve the work at hand. It doesn't help that even though I may be empathetic, absorbing emotions like a towel, those very same emotions also overwhelm me. So his intense lows are emanating like pulses of heavy energy that feels like drowning to me.

It is my personality to care, but not necessarily in the traditional or perhaps even stereotypical feminine and soft mothering way. I'm more of the blunt, ride or die person to turn to. The person to fix problems or find solutions with, or the person that will fight for you and defend you.

His direct superior is a Stinger too (we get along amazingly well) and he threw in the towel long again. They no longer communicate, or barely. He simply still supports him for his own career progression's sake, because the Crabgent is under his responsibility and will affect his professional reputation.

Although all your previous advices are really good, and I really appreciate them (leave it to Virgals, and Virgents to come in swinging with a bag of sound applicable advice). I'm planning to put some of those in action and see how it goes. Maybe I'll be able to return with some hopefully good news.

I sincerely do want him to succeed. He isn't a bad person just a very emotional one and that's not necessarily a fault because on the flip side it could mean he's a person that is very intuitive and sensitive to what other's need (which means he could grow into a very good leader/trainer if only he could be more consistent).

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

click to expand

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly be a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂
I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.
When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.
click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

click to expand

In the beginning, I've called him out but in a very subtle way and he still got the message. He was extremely sensitive about it and lashed back at me with snarky comments and typical Crabgent verbal jabs for quite some time. It wasn't pleasant but I thought we had worked past that.

For him to respect my time and efforts professional, hold up his side of the boat and we sail swimmingly. I've since learned not to call him out because it took so long for him to fully return to normal (the good days).

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.



Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.

click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.

A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.

Just make sure you have these things documented.

But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.

If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"

Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

Posted by IceStorm

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by IceStorm
I have a cancer moon, I like to be left alone or given space when I’m in a funk.
But if the two of you have a work dynamic that requires communicating or working together, you could offer just a hint of an opportunity for him to open up to you about what he has on his mind. You could say something like “is everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself today.” If he remains closed off, leave him be. It might not be work related at all, so just don’t take it personal and leave him be. He will come out of his shell when he’s ready.

Thank you! I'll give that a go again and report back on the results.

Given all the previous advice maybe I'm too blunt and straight forward (too old not to speak my mind these days but maybe Crabgents need a gentle touch).

Whenever I had checked in with him in the past, either he reacts happily that I noticed and spew out his discontent (whatever it was that bothered him) or he reacts in a sheepish way or out of embarrassment he goes and hide from me.

🤷‍♀️

click to expand

Yeah it’s a mixed bag with cancer placements (especially with sun, moon and rising placements) as some issues are more sensitive than others. There are times when I’m appreciative that someone lends an ear for me to vent, but there are other times where I need to hash it out on my own and it’s rarely anything personal against the other person.

Cancer is very much like the crab itself.. often retreats back to its shell not only for safety or when threatened, but sometimes just because we are much happier and cozy there in our own emotional world. Lol

click to expand

I'll keep this in mind that the retreat back into the shell could also be for comfort and coziness.

You see, Stingers tend to retreat more so to recharge, and Crabs retreat to seek security and ease?

In any case, now I know and I feel this piece of information might do me some good later on (you just might save me in understanding how to interpret his mood swings instead of drowning in them or scrambling in frustration).

Thank You!

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.

click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.

A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.

Just make sure you have these things documented.

But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.

If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"

Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂
I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.
When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.
click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

In the beginning, I've called him out but in a very subtle way and he still got the message. He was extremely sensitive about it and lashed back at me with snarky comments and typical Crabgent verbal jabs for quite some time. It wasn't pleasant but I thought we had worked past that.

For him to respect my time and efforts professional, hold up his side of the boat and we sail swimmingly. I've since learned not to call him out because it took so long for him to fully return to normal (the good days).

click to expand

🤣 don't do the crab dance with him. It never works matching that energy..

Posted by GoodBunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by GoodBunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by IceStorm
I have a cancer moon, I like to be left alone or given space when I’m in a funk.
But if the two of you have a work dynamic that requires communicating or working together, you could offer just a hint of an opportunity for him to open up to you about what he has on his mind. You could say something like “is everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself today.” If he remains closed off, leave him be. It might not be work related at all, so just don’t take it personal and leave him be. He will come out of his shell when he’s ready.

Thank you! I'll give that a go again and report back on the results.
Given all the previous advice maybe I'm too blunt and straight forward (too old not to speak my mind these days but maybe Crabgents need a gentle touch).
Whenever I had checked in with him in the past, either he reacts happily that I noticed and spew out his discontent (whatever it was that bothered him) or he reacts in a sheepish way or out of embarrassment he goes and hide from me.
🤷‍♀️

It needs to sound sincerely warm. If that isn't your personality don't fake it. Sometimes people do have other things going on in their life. If he isn't sharing then he doesnt have that rapport with you. A good supervisor will check in when they see a change in employees temperament and performance, so hopefully they will speak to him amd refer to eap

It was genuine when I checked in on him, but my weakness is that my patience runs thin quickly when someone else's emotional swings does nothing to improve the work at hand. It doesn't help that even though I may be empathetic, absorbing emotions like a towel, those very same emotions also overwhelm me. So his intense lows are emanating like pulses of heavy energy that feels like drowning to me.

It is my personality to care, but not necessarily in the traditional or perhaps even stereotypical feminine and soft mothering way. I'm more of the blunt, ride or die person to turn to. The person to fix problems or find solutions with, or the person that will fight for you and defend you.

His direct superior is a Stinger too (we get along amazingly well) and he threw in the towel long again. They no longer communicate, or barely. He simply still supports him for his own career progression's sake, because the Crabgent is under his responsibility and will affect his professional reputation.

Although all your previous advices are really good, and I really appreciate them (leave it to Virgals, and Virgents to come in swinging with a bag of sound applicable advice). I'm planning to put some of those in action and see how it goes. Maybe I'll be able to return with some hopefully good news.

I sincerely do want him to succeed. He isn't a bad person just a very emotional one and that's not necessarily a fault because on the flip side it could mean he's a person that is very intuitive and sensitive to what other's need (which means he could grow into a very good leader/trainer if only he could be more consistent).

click to expand

I'm sure you care. I just meant if you arent a person who is generally warm with him, it will come off as insincere. Its hard to describe and don't take this the wrong way, but scorpio energy doesn't always read as warm despite being water signs. Scorpios can be very practical which I appreciate, but not everyone does. If I need someone to generally be real with me then I would call a scorpio, gemini, leo, or virgo family/friend. But if I'm going through the dark night of the soul, probably not lol. Sorry. I would probably call up a cancer, cap, or taurus to give my soul the warm hug it needs. Yes I said Cap lol.

The best his stinger boss can do id come to him and tell him she notices some changes in him and that she is concerned. Ask him if he needs some time off. If he says mo everything is fine, let him know if he cant talk to her he can always contact EAP.

Now that feelings have been attended to...lets discuss performance. Because now he sees you care about him, not just as a worker bee, but as a human being. Now he is receptive to input.

click to expand

I have a resting bitch face syndrome, and known to be called intimidating. Although I don't intend to be, I'm just focused and in the zone when getting work done. I'm as quick to spark a joke too but it tends to have the effect of surprise rather than a laugh at times.

No worries, I didn't take it the wrong way. You are absolutely right about us, we don't always come across warm, and cuddly. We like to get right down to business, if you need someone to pick up a shovel and dig with you. We'll be there.

I believe you about the Seagoats, I adore my Seagoat gent. He is exactly as you say a warm hug for the soul, even if it is a practical hug at times but it works and it most definitely feels safe. Although I never experienced this with a Crab or a Bull before, but I do know Bulls are reliable and when they have your back you feel it. They're solid and will not budge. Good Seagoats are way too underrated.

We give hugs too, even if they're ones that will crush your soul or very uncomfortably awkward. We do love giving them (at least I do)!

Ahh, and we finally hit the nail on the head - to separate the feelings from the performance. I was thinking of it as interlinked all this time. Who would've known this would be the way to crack the tough nut of a Crabgent.

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂
I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.
When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.
click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

In the beginning, I've called him out but in a very subtle way and he still got the message. He was extremely sensitive about it and lashed back at me with snarky comments and typical Crabgent verbal jabs for quite some time. It wasn't pleasant but I thought we had worked past that.



For him to respect my time and efforts professional, hold up his side of the boat and we sail swimmingly. I've since learned not to call him out because it took so long for him to fully return to normal (the good days).

🤣 don't do the crab dance with him. It never works matching that energy..

click to expand

I wasn't thinking of it as a Crab dance, I thought I was getting down to business and simply tackling issues head on. Now that I think of it, it probably was unknowingly a Crab dance.

😂

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).
click to expand

And just make sure the issue is tangible, not just your perception. If a third party outside your group is noticing, so much the better. But avoid turning it into a fight.

click to expand

Lots of witnesses and apparently this is a pattern.

Only recently some of his colleagues let me in on some gossip (I never asked for it, they just felt the need to vent, and actually I had to stop them before they went too far because some things I just don't want to know).

There was always drama at work due to the Crabgent's many mood swings, antics that pissed off a lot of other colleagues, superiors, and consultants as well far before I arrived. In fact, I may have been the most patient unwittingly.

In the past, it was much worse and they told me this was already the calmer version of the Crabgent.

You're absolutely right though, I have stopped myself in the he said she said conversation many times because it would cause a fight not worth having. As I made the mistake to involve more people in the situation before in hopes that he would improve or change for the better (it got worse).

It was not my intent to embarrass or humiliate him, although he may have felt that way but because if he as the sources wasn't resolving the issues at hand that was impacting my performance, I needed others to be involved to intervene.

In the end, no intervention from others helped. It only resolves if the Crabgent himself decides to get out of the moods he is in.

Posted by Findingbalance

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).
click to expand

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly be a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.

OK, here's the deal. Business is business. You asked about the emotional volatility of crabs. You can't change it. It will drive you crazy. Also, I gave an idea if what I typically think they want.

Idk what your position is with this whole deal, but you're likely going to need to put your foot down on this, or speak to your supervisor so they do. He's acting utterly unprofessional and it's going to effect you and your ability to do your job. There's molycoddling people when it's appropriate (and you actually want to do it), then there's letting them walk over you and do what they want. Cancers are overgrown toddlers. And he's taking advantage and pushing boundaries.



Also unrelated but I think scorps come off more genuine than cancers. And I say that having had that thought without knowing signs before hand. Idk why though.

click to expand

Sorry to interrupt but quick intermission - what is molycoddling?

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.
click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.
A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.
Just make sure you have these things documented.
But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.
If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"
Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

click to expand

Maybe he has been wrong by the company

There is usually history behind it

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂
I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.
When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.
click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

In the beginning, I've called him out but in a very subtle way and he still got the message. He was extremely sensitive about it and lashed back at me with snarky comments and typical Crabgent verbal jabs for quite some time. It wasn't pleasant but I thought we had worked past that.





For him to respect my time and efforts professional, hold up his side of the boat and we sail swimmingly. I've since learned not to call him out because it took so long for him to fully return to normal (the good days).

🤣 don't do the crab dance with him. It never works matching that energy..

I wasn't thinking of it as a Crab dance, I thought I was getting down to business and simply tackling issues head on. Now that I think of it, it probably was unknowingly a Crab dance.

😂

click to expand

Crab dance is usually used in a romantic context.. idk, to me it's simply any time cancer's get you tangled in their emotional confusion.

Sidestep shuffle and nobody can get on the same page. He's turning you into a crab!! 😂😂😂

Posted by Truemara

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.
click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.
A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.
Just make sure you have these things documented.
But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.
If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"
Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

Maybe he has been wrong by the company
There is usually history behind it

click to expand

Good thought. I was so into the thick of it I never considered this as a possibility. Definitely something for me to dig into, to see if there is information that could help me.

Thank you @Truemara!

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Doesn't this same logic apply to Scorpio??
You just leave them alone lol..

Could be, and I'm not always a fan of Stingers either even if I am one. 😂
I thought leaving him alone would make it better as well except he grew grumpier and even more temperamental to the point of being unprofessional in his work tasks. Although thinking back, it was more of a 50/50. Sometimes leaving him alone, seemed to clear the clouds, other times, the storm kept brewing.
When I say unprofessional, I mean quite literally dropping the ball which impacts my work (which none of my Seagoat bits are loving, my work means a lot to me). Although he isn't above me, I do have to work closely with him on many projects so have no choice but to make sure he's in good condition so the boat does't sink.
click to expand

Well you can't rock the boat, so I don't see any other option then patting his back and asking if everything is okay. You move on regardless of his answer, but he feels acknowledged because you "care". Calling him out is just going to lead to a fussy situation since you're not above him.

In the beginning, I've called him out but in a very subtle way and he still got the message. He was extremely sensitive about it and lashed back at me with snarky comments and typical Crabgent verbal jabs for quite some time. It wasn't pleasant but I thought we had worked past that.





For him to respect my time and efforts professional, hold up his side of the boat and we sail swimmingly. I've since learned not to call him out because it took so long for him to fully return to normal (the good days).

🤣 don't do the crab dance with him. It never works matching that energy..

I wasn't thinking of it as a Crab dance, I thought I was getting down to business and simply tackling issues head on. Now that I think of it, it probably was unknowingly a Crab dance.

😂
click to expand

Crab dance is usually used in a romantic context.. idk, to me it's simply any time cancer's get you tangled in their emotional confusion.

Sidestep shuffle and nobody can get on the same page. He's turning you into a crab!! 😂😂😂

click to expand

Maybe that was why I was complaining to my Seagoat gent that I'm feeling a little crazy with the whiplash, instead of drowning downwards I'm drowning in all directions.

It's all too much for me, we like to dig deep and explore the depths of emotions but not in a daily state. Bloody hell, there is shit to be done in life and too little time is what I'd say.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.
click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.
A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.
Just make sure you have these things documented.
But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.
If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"
Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

click to expand

Hey TLS, long time no see 🙂

Reading through your posts, and after reading this one, I think that rather focusing on the astrology side of things, you should just look at things as they are. I've been working for clients (and vice versa) and I honestly think this is just a simple case of him trying to show you "your place" as an external without having to tell you a word about it. This type of behavior happens a lot..unfortunately...

I mean, this guy simply does not respect you at all... Misses the meetings that you schedule, doesn't give an excuse or puts an effort to explain himself...I mean...I think it's a bit obvious he is doing this on purpose, to show you he "doesn't need to explain himself to you". That's my 2 cents as I've seen it all in work environments...

What I think you should do is to just let it flow...Ignore it...Do your work, keep trying to get together with him the same way for the work reviews for the time being, and if he doesn't show up or cares about it, that's his fault. You are doing your job as a good worker \team member, and that's all that matters.

That's how I approached this type of situations. I really got no time for pettiness\bshit stuff. Above all, I am professional in a work environment, and results is all that matters to me. I do my job, I get my money and go home with my conscience clear.

If I were you, I would just focus on your work. Keep doing your thing and try not to bother about him too much. And with time, just stop going after him. If he doesn't want to step up and say a word about the situation...then you should just do the same...Like a Scorpio would hehe and at the end of the day, he is not your superior either. ^^

Focus on your work and the project itself, don't let this get into you 🙂

Posted by IamTheRam

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.
click to expand

How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.
A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.
Just make sure you have these things documented.
But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.
If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"
Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

Hey TLS, long time no see 🙂

Reading through your posts, and after reading this one, I think that rather focusing on the astrology side of things, you should just look at things as they are. I've been working for clients (and vice versa) and I honestly think this is just a simple case of him trying to show you "your place" as an external without having to tell you a word about it. This type of behavior happens a lot..unfortunately...

I mean, this guy simply does not respect you at all... Misses the meetings that you schedule, doesn't give an excuse or puts an effort to explain himself...I mean...I think it's a bit obvious he is doing this on purpose, to show you he "doesn't need to explain himself to you". That's my 2 cents as I've seen it all in work environments...

What I think you should do is to just let it flow...Ignore it...Do your work, keep trying to get together with him the same way for the work reviews for the time being, and if he doesn't show up or cares about it, that's his fault. You are doing your job as a good worker \team member, and that's all that matters.

That's how I approached this type of situations. I really got no time for pettiness\bshit stuff. Above all, I am professional in a work environment, and results is all that matters to me. I do my job, I get my money and go home with my conscience clear.

If I were you, I would just focus on your work. Keep doing your thing and try not to bother about him too much. And with time, just stop going after him. If he doesn't want to step up and say a word about the situation...then you should just do the same...Like a Scorpio would hehe and at the end of the day, he is not your superior either. ^^

Focus on your work and the project itself, don't let this get into you 🙂

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If it is truly an egocentric move on his part to "show me my place" that'll only be to his detriment. My success in doing my job well directly impacts whether or not he succeeds and achieve results.

So why would he do such a thing? He would quite literally be shooting himself in the foot. I know Crabgents to be emotional, but not necessarily stupid. Why would he self-harm in this way?

I tried the focusing on the work, and solely the work. His antics didn't stop, the meetings were just one of the many things he does during the mood swings.

His work and my work are like pieces of a puzzle, if he doesn't bring or create his pieces, I become stuck. I won't be able to finish putting together the puzzle, and the image is incomplete. The results can't show if he doesn't also participate, on time and generally just not drop the ball.

I've had projects fall through because he was in a mood and wasn't pulling his weight. Even if I tried, I can't compensate for him. We work together but I also don't specialise in his skills and vice versa (which was why I was brought in as a consultant because they needed what I was good at doing).

Posted by IamTheRam

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.


Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).

Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.

Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.

On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.

I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.

Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.

Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.

To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.
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How old is this guy? You said in another post your superior has 'given up'.
A few times might slide, but if this thing is a regular occurrence it mght need an intervention.
Just make sure you have these things documented.
But I'd also keep track of when he is 'on it'. That compare and contrast.
If it were me, I'd be like: "ou're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?"
Although ideally that might have to come from your superior (assuming you both report to the same person).

click to expand

He is in his mid thirties.

His superior, not mine (not technically). I am their consultant, so none of them are my bosses but as a whole they're all considered as my client. However, since I work closest with him to achieve results (so I treat him like my colleague). His superior and boss both know me well enough, and they trust me. Which means they don't intervene all too much (unfortunately that translate to them not checking in on him all that much either).

Everything is documented, at least enough so there is a timeline to review over if necessary.

"You're doing so well here, but what the heck is with this other stuff?" - this did pass my mind many times to ask him, but I don't know what stopped me. Maybe because it is not my place to ask it, or maybe because I'm afraid of the emotional storm it might kick up? I don't know, perhaps I need to dig into this further.

Hey TLS, long time no see 🙂

Reading through your posts, and after reading this one, I think that rather focusing on the astrology side of things, you should just look at things as they are. I've been working for clients (and vice versa) and I honestly think this is just a simple case of him trying to show you "your place" as an external without having to tell you a word about it. This type of behavior happens a lot..unfortunately...

I mean, this guy simply does not respect you at all... Misses the meetings that you schedule, doesn't give an excuse or puts an effort to explain himself...I mean...I think it's a bit obvious he is doing this on purpose, to show you he "doesn't need to explain himself to you". That's my 2 cents as I've seen it all in work environments...

What I think you should do is to just let it flow...Ignore it...Do your work, keep trying to get together with him the same way for the work reviews for the time being, and if he doesn't show up or cares about it, that's his fault. You are doing your job as a good worker \team member, and that's all that matters.

That's how I approached this type of situations. I really got no time for pettiness\bshit stuff. Above all, I am professional in a work environment, and results is all that matters to me. I do my job, I get my money and go home with my conscience clear.

If I were you, I would just focus on your work. Keep doing your thing and try not to bother about him too much. And with time, just stop going after him. If he doesn't want to step up and say a word about the situation...then you should just do the same...Like a Scorpio would hehe and at the end of the day, he is not your superior either. ^^

Focus on your work and the project itself, don't let this get into you 🙂

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Also hello there @IamTheRam!

I hope you're doing well, and thank you for popping on by to this thread.

Posted by GoodBunny
So after reading your follow up posts this isnt moodiness, he's just plain unprofessional. Hold him accountable, this is work. Keep a papertrail of emails so when projects fall behind due to him its obvious why. Anything you send him, cc his boss on. Any meetings he schedules, send a follow up email to confirm meeting and cc his boss. Maybe it sounds petty, but you're not here to help him adult, and you arent his boss. You have a job to do and he's getting in the way. He is going to take offense no matter how its handled because he doesnt like being called out. The trick is not to care lol. I have several cancers in my family and when they get to pouting and giving me the silent treatment, I just ignore them back. I'm a Pisces we can do this all day. They cant emotionally manipulate me so they get over themselves.

Also if I were his boss I would have already put him on some type of performance plan. You have to document incompetence to show good cause in case you have to let someone go. The boss ignoring the issue shows additional incompetence. Eventually his supervisors boss is going to want to know what the problem is, if they havent. Then you and his boss will have documentation.

She unfortunately needs him to complete certain projects as he has a specific role to fill. With his previous behavior patterns, he will sink the ship with everyone on it.

Posted by GoodBunny
So after reading your follow up posts this isnt moodiness, he's just plain unprofessional. Hold him accountable, this is work. Keep a papertrail of emails so when projects fall behind due to him its obvious why. Anything you send him, cc his boss on. Any meetings he schedules, send a follow up email to confirm meeting and cc his boss. Maybe it sounds petty, but you're not here to help him adult, and you arent his boss. You have a job to do and he's getting in the way. He is going to take offense no matter how its handled because he doesnt like being called out. The trick is not to care lol. I have several cancers in my family and when they get to pouting and giving me the silent treatment, I just ignore them back. I'm a Pisces we can do this all day. They cant emotionally manipulate me so they get over themselves.

Also if I were his boss I would have already put him on some type of performance plan. You have to document incompetence to show good cause in case you have to let someone go. The boss ignoring the issue shows additional incompetence. Eventually his supervisors boss is going to want to know what the problem is, if they havent. Then you and his boss will have documentation.

Side note: I failed again earlier and referred to you as a Virgal (Mermaid, Mermaid, Mermaid. It'll stick) but anyways the case stands, you had good advice regardless!

Posted by GoodBunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by GoodBunny
So after reading your follow up posts this isnt moodiness, he's just plain unprofessional. Hold him accountable, this is work. Keep a papertrail of emails so when projects fall behind due to him its obvious why. Anything you send him, cc his boss on. Any meetings he schedules, send a follow up email to confirm meeting and cc his boss. Maybe it sounds petty, but you're not here to help him adult, and you arent his boss. You have a job to do and he's getting in the way. He is going to take offense no matter how its handled because he doesnt like being called out. The trick is not to care lol. I have several cancers in my family and when they get to pouting and giving me the silent treatment, I just ignore them back. I'm a Pisces we can do this all day. They cant emotionally manipulate me so they get over themselves.
Also if I were his boss I would have already put him on some type of performance plan. You have to document incompetence to show good cause in case you have to let someone go. The boss ignoring the issue shows additional incompetence. Eventually his supervisors boss is going to want to know what the problem is, if they havent. Then you and his boss will have documentation.

Side note: I failed again earlier and referred to you as a Virgal (Mermaid, Mermaid, Mermaid. It'll stick) but anyways the case stands, you had good advice regardless!

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LOL. You may be mixing me up with another virgal.

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Brain is getting old-er, it goes kaput from time to time. I remember you as PV&J but for whatever reason, your Virgal Moon stuck with me more than your Mermaid Sun. Just excuse me and my brain farts please, they're of no harm. Mostly, anyways. 😂

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

That is the only reason why I want him functioning at his best, for his sake but more importantly I guess also for my own sake too. I suppose you could say it is selfish or it is in my own self interest to make sure he is performing.

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Emotions are always on the surface though which is why they project a hard exterior.

Can you check in with him in a non threatening way in the form of a checklist (be very non formal about it) and just explain that it’s a method that you know works for you. Most cancers I know love lists, agendas, articulated expectations. House keeping is their strength after all.

@TheLadyScorpio had to do another post because quoting was on the limit of characters ^^

Hey hey, all good on my side, hope the same on yours ! 🙂

Humm..I don't know also for sure tbh, like you I am also trying to make sense out of his behavior and trying to find a logical reason ^^

But I've seen client workers with some very heavy "I don't care if the work is done or not" attitude, heck, I've even seen people complain that my standards for project deliveries inside the team were just to good\high (when in team\technical leading positions). And I actually had to lower the quality of the client deliveries because of them lol And they were very vocal about it...lol So you know, that's why I said seen it all when it comes to work environments..

But I also seen a lot of cases like the one I mentioned before....

One of the other reasons, is that he could be having personal issues outside work. I've had a Crab colleague that simply refused to do a good work (or even work at all...) because of a miscarriage his wife had. It affected him a lot, he was like this for more then a year. So you know..

Or maybe it could be that he is just simply lazy and feeling secure about his job position...Any other reasons outside of this is already delving into realms of logic that I simply don't want to go...hehe ^^

Either way, it seems that is atitude is affecting you, and that's where we can find a solution. I think you should speak to him, in a nice calm manner you know ? Explain how you feel, ask If the problem is you and if is there something you can do about it for the sake of the project. And you know, maybe he will open up. Most of the times having a calm talk with colleagues when on a stress situation does wonders (it's one of the things I've worked the most on my social skills at work). 🙂

The other option is to fight fire with fire hehe but then again..Why bother, right ? Everything is just so stressful nowadays, so buying another stress is like..nahh...hehe

So yeah, try talking to him, just say how you are feeling. Go for the positive approach 🙂

Thank you everyone for your advice, they were great and I really appreciate it.

If I haven't directly replied to you, it isn't because your advice wasn't appreciated. Although I think I'll apply some of it first to see if it raises any changes or if a larger intervention is needed before reporting back with some results.

Now who said Astrology wasn't helpful! 😁

Posted by Findingbalance

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by Findingbalance

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Posted by KimboSlice
It’s not that guy’s job to be one of your favourite people at work

True, but his success and ability to professional show up to work impacts my success in terms of achieving certain goals in the projects we are involved in. If either one of us drops the ball, it fails. So it is as much on me as on him, I need him to function in this dynamic as a team.

Have you approached him about this? I mean you can ask him if everything is ok, but from the approach of "I've noticed 'xxx', and it seems to be affecting this project". Don't couch it in terms of 'you' (as in him). And if you both are tasked with making the project a success, approach it from that way.

Without being in that exact situation, its tough to know the dynamic. You may/may not get traction. I had a similar problem with a Cancer male co-worker (who was a real douchebag).
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Just a quick example, to maybe give you some kind of scope of the situation.
Let's say we had a meeting planned on a Monday at 15h00, I will arrive on time and wait upwards of 30 minutes with nobody having any idea where he is or if he will show up etc (this includes his superiors). To the point where, 15 minutes in I will write him to check in on his status. I do this now because he has gone no show on me so many times that I have lost count and know its better to write him early than to wait more than 1 hour to realise he will never show up.
On some days, he will cancel the meeting 30 minutes to 1.5 hour after it was meant to begin. Other days he forgets to show up and tells me he didn't put it in his calendar so wasn't informed. In some cases, he said he forgets to tell me he arranged meetings at the same time and prioritised those first. There were even times where he gave no excuses and just expected me to accept it.
I've gone through periods where I have shown up three times to meetings he scheduled, and waited for him upwards of 1.5 hour and still I never saw him. He would cancel, postpone, demand a rescheduling time where he knows I'm not available and will clash with my other appointments etc.
Of all these instances, he only ever apologised once and that was in the most recent case. I've been very understanding and patient. I've yet to tear him a new one when most expected me to. I haven't because like I said on the good days, he is amazing. He supports me, he has my back, he will fight for my benefit (career wise), and he will stay long hours with me to grind through work together so we could reach the nearly impossible deadlines.
Some have suggested that he does this to trigger me to give him more attention, but if I give him the amount of attention he needs for him to sustain a good pace at work. I'd be completely drained. That can't possibly be a sustainable way to function, for him or for me. That's why I'm asking everyone for advice here and so far I have got some very good sound advice to work on.
To be honest, I only reserve my emotional fuel tanks for my partner. So I don't have too much to give to him as much as I do genuinely care.

OK, here's the deal. Business is business. You asked about the emotional volatility of crabs. You can't change it. It will drive you crazy. Also, I gave an idea if what I typically think they want.

Idk what your position is with this whole deal, but you're likely going to need to put your foot down on this, or speak to your supervisor so they do. He's acting utterly unprofessional and it's going to effect you and your ability to do your job. There's molycoddling people when it's appropriate (and you actually want to do it), then there's letting them walk over you and do what they want. Cancers are overgrown toddlers. And he's taking advantage and pushing boundaries.



Also unrelated but I think scorps come off more genuine than cancers. And I say that having had that thought without knowing signs before hand. Idk why though.
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Sorry to interrupt but quick intermission - what is molycoddling?

"to treat with an excessive or absurd degree of indulgence and attention"

Basically avoid telling him he's being an over emotional toddler and instead walk on eggshells around his feelings and indulge him instead. It's a job. He needs to suck it up buttercup and do what he's getting paid to do and stop letting his tantrums bring down his coworkers. Everyone has a bad day here and there, and sometimes big life events do interfere with our work. But not constantly and consistently. That's not ok.

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You're not wrong, I've been avoiding out of fear that it would impact his performance even more and create more emotional swings. But I suppose it goes back to whether or not it's in my place to tell him to be more professional, tantrum or not.

You're absolutely correct it isn't ok, I suppose that means I'm at fault too for not pushing home the point harsh enough? My Balancer Moon is really showing, I'm seeing both sides of the fence and not getting off it fast enough.

I have worked with a cancer and they are amazing! I know what you mean in regards to "mood swings".

I usually give them their space. Then I secretly place cute and happy things on their desk to help cheer them up.

It works! They love it when someone cares. They also enjoy the attention. 🙂

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Advice Needed Please.

You're a Scorpio right? Chances are this high and low is mostly with you, because of the Cancer Scorpio energy. I would not get as much emotionally involved with other zodiac signs as they simply don't have it, so we don't even bother, or get triggered.

With Cancer and you every 2.8 days will be different. We adapt the mood of each zodiac sign and depending on Moon % (fullness ) we amp it.

Very moody and sensitive men

Snacks and lots of them

Food soothes any beast