Today:Cancer men are difficult to love (Page 3)

I really like this thread, but I had to break up with my cancer man yesterday. Lying, being disrespectful, constant game playing...My cap self had enough. I can't continue to be there when it works for him and not for me. I so wanted to stick it out, but I matter too. I'll miss him, maybe I'll meet another...have a better read on them now!

Posted by capnip
I really like this thread, but I had to break up with my cancer man yesterday. Lying, being disrespectful, constant game playing...My cap self had enough. I can't continue to be there when it works for him and not for me. I so wanted to stick it out, but I matter too. I'll miss him, maybe I'll meet another...have a better read on them now!

Did you ever see any signs of that in the beginning of the relationship? I always wonder is there is a shift somewhere in the relationship or it's always that way .

Did you ever see any signs of that in the beginning of the relationship? I always wonder is there is a shift somewhere in the relationship or it's always that way .

Our "relationship" started out as an affair with me being the married one. So it has always been a little different. I separated from my husband some time ago, but the energy with the cancer has pretty much always been the same-him being scared, me being frustrated. Couldn't hold on any longer with that...

Posted by capnip

Did you ever see any signs of that in the beginning of the relationship? I always wonder is there is a shift somewhere in the relationship or it's always that way .

Our "relationship" started out as an affair with me being the married one. So it has always been a little different. I separated from my husband some time ago, but the energy with the cancer has pretty much always been the same-him being scared, me being frustrated. Couldn't hold on any longer with that...

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How did he respond when you broke it off? 😢

How did he respond when you broke it off? 😢

)

He said ok and that was it. He may or may not reach back out...who knows?

So tonight, my cancer man can't really handle his emotions at all. A simple phone call turned into an emotional, getting angry for nothing and I just stayed calm the whole entire time. I really didn't know what to do. He finally just said he needed to go to bed and that he was obviously under a lot of stress because he grandfather died, he is getting out of the military, and he has a lot on his plate. I was frustrated that he has to take out his emotions out me!At one point he kind of blamed me for it! Lol If only cancers knew how much their emotions actually affect us.


Anyway, I might not be the average Scorpio. I have a leo/cancer cusp moon. Like right on the line. Like 1 degree into leo. I am most definitely NOT moody though. I am emotional, yes. Moody, not really. And I'm sooooo extremely patient with him and he knows it.

Well, tonight's conversation was totally unresolved and who knows what makes that man happy. It sucks but this is the way of the cancer. He is a wonderful man but boy, that Cancer and Aries moon I tell ya.

Posted by capnip

How did he respond when you broke it off? 😢

)

He said ok and that was it. He may or may not reach back out...who knows?



You were married and had a affair. He doesn't feel safe or secure with you so he's not telling you and opening up. Are you divorced? Did your marriage give him grief? That's your answer

Cupcake you should just move on because you don't get him and he's frustrated. Doesn't seem like u will get it either

You were married and had a affair. He doesn't feel safe or secure with you so he's not telling you and opening up. Are you divorced? Did your marriage give him grief? That's your answer

Not divorced yet, have to wait 3 more months for it to be final. It gave him grief because I was married. But he has responsibility there. If someone being with someone else hurts you then don't pursue a married woman. A lot of what happened was him trying to make me feel bad for being married when he knew that when he met me. Again...just frustrating. But he did open up quite a bit with me. Maybe one day we will be friends, I would like that.

Posted by StarChild63
Cupcake you should just move on because you don't get him and he's frustrated. Doesn't seem like u will get it either

Move on? That is terrible advice. He feels bad, you know. He says he wants me in his life and he said he was sorry that he was taking this out on me. I did nothing but stay calm. All he asked is that I stay patient and at his side as he just struggles with these conflicts and personal emotions. He told me he is very happy with me and I'm the one person in his life who brings happiness. I'm glad about that.

I couldn't just get up and leave. I don't understand people who just decide if the relationship has problems you can just get up and go. I get the guy, goodness. He takes me out, showers me with affection, is nothing but good to me, very loyal, very honest- but can I blame him for his cancer emotions sometimes?! Not really. What they need is someone who understands. I don't even try to figure him out. He is not a puzzle piece. He is who he is.

Oh and I should mention he tells me all the time I get him but sometimes he doesn't even understand himself lol.

These comments ranging from the "drunk" ones to the "too emotional" ones tickled the hell outta me tonight! I have Cancer Moon and Cancer Ascendant but a Virgo Sun. I just got called a dam "robot" earlier on the Taurus board...that tickled the hell outta me too...lol! However, it's my Virgo Sun that truly helps me keep my Cancer emotions in check so they don't go crazy all over the place reeking havoc on others for no apparent reason or out of the blue....especially to those who genuinely care about me. Every positive attribute we all own are double-edged swords! Love all of my swords though....lol!

Posted by capnip

You were married and had a affair. He doesn't feel safe or secure with you so he's not telling you and opening up. Are you divorced? Did your marriage give him grief? That's your answer

Not divorced yet, have to wait 3 more months for it to be final. It gave him grief because I was married. But he has responsibility there. If someone being with someone else hurts you then don't pursue a married woman. A lot of what happened was him trying to make me feel bad for being married when he knew that when he met me. Again...just frustrating. But he did open up quite a bit with me. Maybe one day we will be friends, I would like that.

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You probably will never be friends, you are seen as junkyard scraps just broken. Maybe he thought you would get out of the marriage and maybe you lead him on. Cancers normally don't get into shit like that. And that's real selfish of you to say that like you weren't the biggest factor in that. He probably sees you as selfish and disloyal across the board.

Posted by DearCupcake
Oh and I should mention he tells me all the time I get him but sometimes he doesn't even understand himself lol.

Lol yea most cancers are so unpredictable that that can't predict their own shit. They are complex. I almost can't really believe it. I could just watch my cancer friend like she's the entertainment.

Just take it easy. His granddad died. He's struggling. He's hurting. He's confused. He's angry. The last thing on his mind should be your feelings. Let him grieve. Be there for him. Even if it means he'll be a nasty son of a bitch. It won't last long and you won't make his grieving harder by adding your own emotional shit to the mix. He'll ride with you for life for that and will remember it

Posted by Lovelyisis
These comments ranging from the "drunk" ones to the "too emotional" ones tickled the hell outta me tonight! I have Cancer Moon and Cancer Ascendant but a Virgo Sun. I just got called a dam "robot" earlier on the Taurus board...that tickled the hell outta me too...lol! However, it's my Virgo Sun that truly helps me keep my Cancer emotions in check so they don't go crazy all over the place reeking havoc on others for no apparent reason or out of the blue....especially to those who genuinely care about me. Every positive attribute we all own are double-edged swords! Love all of my swords though....lol!

What u mean with double edged swords? Their best traits are their worst?

Posted by StarChild63

Posted by DearCupcake
Oh and I should mention he tells me all the time I get him but sometimes he doesn't even understand himself lol.

Lol yea most cancers are so unpredictable that that can't predict their own shit. They are complex. I almost can't really believe it. I could just watch my cancer friend like she's the entertainment.

Just take it easy. His granddad died. He's struggling. He's hurting. He's confused. He's angry. The last thing on his mind should be your feelings. Let him grieve. Be there for him. Even if it means he'll be a nasty son of a bitch. It won't last long and you won't make his grieving harder by adding your own emotional shit to the mix. He'll ride with you for life for that and will remember it

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You know Star, last night he told me that he knows that he is neglecting me and he understands it's rough. He says he is stressed...today is his grandfather's funeral and he couldn't go, he is getting ready to get out of the military, he is in WTI and then adding me to the mix is complicated. At least he doesn't just let me go.

He asked if I could just please wait this period out and he understands that he is not thinking of me. He says he needs to take care of his stuff and all he wants me to do is just understand its not forever.

I am super glad you understand. Yes, the emotions tend to make him a horrible person to be around but he knows this. He says right now he can't take any more emotional drama to the mix. Meaning, the relationship. All he is asking is for patience. He tells me, "I know it's hard. I know it really sucks for you. I'm not putting into the relationship and I know the reason you're upset is me. But you have to understand, I need to get these things done. It's not forever. I'm entering a new chapter in my life getting out of the military and I just need you to be patient . I know I'm not showing you much, but I can't at the moment. I have so much on my plate "

I mean... At least he is honest lol.

Posted by Arielle83
It's like you ppl pick cancers who aren't totally into you. You're high up there in your feelings and because they aren't as equal with their feelings, you feel this person has issues.

Maybe you just picked the wrong cancer. When I'm sad, I want to hear from my man. When I'm lonely I'll ring him. I've known plenty of cancer men as friends and they've always got my back. Maybe you guys vomit your drama all over them and they need to retreat to deal with their own life. And while that's going on, you start texting like a psycho clinger demanding explanations. Some ppl have to breath. Maybe you guys need someone at your beck and call, but some cancers might need a break from constant attention.

It's just this type of passive-aggressive abusive reasoning that makes people want to run for the hills when confronted with a cancer. A human being should not be ruled by the moon, it's lunatic. All earnest people here, run for your life.

Dump them, they are not worth it.

Posted by DearCupcake
I might not be the average Scorpio.

I don't think you are a typical Scorpio. A lot of the stuff you find difficult about your Cancer man is typical of Scorpios. Not that people can't find things that we ourselves do difficult! But you don't sound like the stereotypical Scorp to me.

Posted by happytaurus2312
It hurts that they seem to be able to turn their feelings on and off while my feelings for them are constant.

We certainly can't turn our feelings on and off, you are only mistakenly interpreting it that way. Misunderstanding some behavior as meaning something it doesn't about our feelings for people.

Posted by Arielle83
I think technology and how we are connected creates the doubt that leads to confusion. What happened before we were all connected? I think we all went about our lives and didn't spend it staring at a screen waiting for a text. If you want to see your man, go and see him. Some ppl aren't big on text communication. I know I'm not. If I needed my space and someone kept sending me texts of all things, I'd be annoyed. U want to communicate? Then come and see me. That's what ppl used to do. And now that we all are texting, that seems to mean so much. I just find cancer men more into face to face communication.

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^THIS.

Posted by DearCupcake

Here is my response (yes, go ahead and judge me I could probably use it)

"I ask you these questions because I care. I asked the question because what was going to follow, is that I'm here for you. Because I'm not the kind of girl who just goes, "dat sux" Not so you can be mad at me.... =/I'm really sorry that I actually take an interest in your life and what you're going through. I'm not angry, I was just trying to understand why you got a bit upset. That's all. I honestly don't know what will set you off sometimes, I'm sorry. "

Mind you I had a fantastic day and was in a great mood but didn't understand why he had to pour his anger on me when all I want to do is care.

What bothers me most? He has ignored all my messages and is not bothering to write back.When I have an issue, I talk things out. Ignore him? Never. Is that a common cancer thing??

This part of your message is problematic and passive aggressive or sarcastic/contemptuous sounding: "Not so you can be mad at me.... =/I'm really sorry that I actually take an interest in your life and what you're going through."

Did you truly think that would help or were you just trying to convey your hurt?

The rest was good.

I think ignoring is more of a male thing than a Cancer thing. My male Scorpio love interest is the worst I have ever met of anyone ever for flat-out ignoring me rather than talking through things. I, Cancer female, on the other hand, lean to the opposite end of the spectrum and tend to over-communicate. I think a lot of women in general want to talk about things & a lot of men in general do not.