Why do cancer men play games? (Page 2)

Good reasons:
1- I'm pondering my relationship with you
2- I'm processing *stuff*
3- sometimes my shell just feels nice and safe and I like to escape to it from time to time
4- cause I have a life outside of you
5- cause I'm not in the fucking mood to talk/text/fb
6- cause I realize this shit aint gonna work

Good reasons for bad events
7- cause I'm tired of being asked *to define our relationship*
8- cause I don't want to argue about the same ol shit
9- cause I'm done with you and you don't seem to get it
10- cause I don't feel like being manipulated that day
11- cause you don't seem to have a life and I'm wondering why
12- cause I'm tired of your games
13- cause it's not always about you
14- cause you nagged me to death about it, and I don't care anymore
15- cause there's too much drama when I don't
16- cause I'm tired of the pasture I'm standing on getting smaller and smaller as you try to MAKE yourself my only world
17- cause I feel pressured to feel the same way you feel about me and I don't. Nor do I want to, but you're not hearing me.
18- cause I'm tired of explaining my feelings only to realize you still don't have a fucking clue.
19- cause I feel things are going too fast and I need to slow the pace down
20- cause I changed my mind about some shit and figuring out how to tell you or even if I'm going to tell you
21- cause things you say don't fucking add up
22- cause my instincts are kicking in and telling me not to get any closer to *this* and I trust my fucking instincts more than you.
23- cause I'm tired of being told that I'm playing games and getting shit for just being myself
24- cause I know what you did and the sight of you make me sick!
25- cause I cheated and I know I'm knee deep in shit!

What I'm NOT doing
26- I'm not trying to get an *ego boost*!
27- I'm not flirting with every fucking girl that catches my eye!
28- I'm not confused emotionally. I know EXACTLY what the fuck I'm doing
29- I'm not scared to say I'm in-love you. I just don't say it to every fucking person I date like some people may do.
30- I'm not sitting at home an emotional basket case sucking at my mother's breast!

My posts were not directed to you specifically. You named this post, "Why do cancer men play games?" Had you said, *some* cancer men, or *my* cancer man that would be less inclusive of all cancer men. Thus why we want to throw shit!

Someone mention, these reasons can apply to any person, not just cancers. Thank you whoever said that. Because it confirms OUR reasons are not so weird as people make them out to be!

You start off saying how things were great in the beginning, talked every day for 3 months, blah blah blah.
Possible reasons: numbers 1-5

Then you give the first hint that his behavior is not out of the blue: "...so I guess its possible hes done with me..."
Possible reasons: unknown, but we have shifted to the *Good reasons for bad events* section or #6

Then you turn around and focus on the fact that the last thing he said was that he missed you.
Possible reasons: number #1
But you do know that it is possible to miss somebody AND be done with them. Right?

Then you say maybe it's not a cancer thing, but more an immaturity thing. Why? Because YOU felt everything was "fine and dandy"? So let's just call the guy immature. Makes sense 😐

And FINALLY, you tell us something that indicate everything wasn't so fine and dandy: "...there was a moment of doubt for him though I think. I tried to explain very well what the *situation* was but I think he mistrusted me..."
Well I'll be! It seems cancer man has reasons for behaving the way that he is.
Possible reasons: 10, 12, 21, 22, 24

Only you and him know all the extenuating circumstances around your LDR. I don't know if any of the possible reasons I gave even fit your cancer, because these were only reasons why *I* have personally ignored people. His list may be different.

It's not a bad thing that you want answers. It's understandable. But may I suggest, just going on about your *regular* life and let your cancer man come to you when he's ready to talk. Ofcourse it's up to you if you wish to do that. When he does, you will then have the opportunity to get answers to your questions and let him know how his behavior affected you.

Posted by inkedtaurus
Sorry jumped the gun a bit there I just am frustrated and know I'm looking for answers that really I cant know unless he tells me but I'm trying to find a way for me to move on from it and I cant. I have so many feelings for him and I cant unfeel them no matter how hard I've tried.
You are right tho Why put more effort into if I'm the only one trying. I don't wa,tho be obsessive and send him a million texts and call constantly but I also have a hard time giving up on it.
And yours right again, rush we absolutely did. It took a moment for us to get used to eachother & such but once we did our mushy lovely fogey ness was puke worthy in all honesty lol and I don't get like that with a lot of people so I enjoyed that we could be that way And make each others day brighter just by saying good morning how was your day I miss you so on and so forth. I may him in may and I just met his fam 2 weeks ago so maybe that has something to do with it, Idk. He didn't give any hints that anything was wrong after that but he did start distancing himself almost the day we were separated again

Okay, bingo! The biggest red flag with anyone is how quick they rush into a relationship. I understand the connection between the two of you was intense and although easier said than done, you should've held your horses. Someone had to be the mature one. There's a saying that goes like "The quicker a flame burns, the faster it extinguishes" such is the case or how it goes with a lot of instant intense connections. I had one with my ex and it fizzled out just as fast. I think the best route to a lasting relationship is friendship and sharing a good rapport. That can only happen after knowing someone for a while. It shows you how thick their skin is or how they react when the going gets tough. You guys had this intense connection, which I understand encompasses compatibliity in areas such as physical, emotional, spiritual etc., but it fizzled out. Not a lot of relationship can withstand distance, certainly not one that's based on nothing but intense connection. Sorry, but that's the reality. Your relationship has run it's course. Be strong and walk away.

Oh, and the typical bullshit advice you will hear a lot on dxp of "let him come to you" is so ridiculous that it's not even funny. The only thing that nonsense advice promotes is to let someone walk all over you and come into your life whenever it suits them and their need. This advice discredits your needs. I say if people can't be there when you need them to be, then you don't need such useless people in your life. What good are they when they can't be there for you when you need them.

Now, if you're a needy person and you need someone around all the time, then the person who has a problem with your neediness has to articulate their issue with that and walk away, but that doesn't give them the right to ignore you and come to you only when it suits their agenda.

Posted by aquarius09
Oh, and the typical bullshit advice you will hear a lot on dxp of "let him come to you" is so ridiculous that it's not even funny. The only thing that nonsense advice promotes is to let someone walk all over you and come into your life whenever it suits them and their need. This advice discredits your needs. I say if people can't be there when you need them to be, then you don't need such useless people in your life. What good are they when they can't be there for you when you need them.

Now, if you're a needy person and you need someone around all the time, then the person who has a problem with your neediness has to articulate their issue with that and walk away, but that doesn't give them the right to ignore you and come to you only when it suits their agenda.

Another way to look at let him come to you: Don't drive yourself crazy trying to MAKE someone do something. A person doesn't have to be ready to talk just because you're ready to talk. Nobody has the right to demand anything of anybody. When that person comes around, say what you got to say then. Maybe by the time that person comes around, you've moved on already. That's fine. But now you have an opportunity to get further closure if you want that.

Posted by aquarius09
Oh, and the typical bullshit advice you will hear a lot on dxp of "let him come to you" is so ridiculous that it's not even funny. The only thing that nonsense advice promotes is to let someone walk all over you and come into your life whenever it suits them and their need. This advice discredits your needs. I say if people can't be there when you need them to be, then you don't need such useless people in your life. What good are they when they can't be there for you when you need them.

Now, if you're a needy person and you need someone around all the time, then the person who has a problem with your neediness has to articulate their issue with that and walk away, but that doesn't give them the right to ignore you and come to you only when it suits their agenda.

Yesss absolutely. He said he wanted to be around and now he's not so I guess that's his problem not mine. I just wanted it to be simple. I'm a simple person so it's not cool to leave me in the dark

Posted by crabbycrab76

Posted by aquarius09
Oh, and the typical bullshit advice you will hear a lot on dxp of "let him come to you" is so ridiculous that it's not even funny. The only thing that nonsense advice promotes is to let someone walk all over you and come into your life whenever it suits them and their need. This advice discredits your needs. I say if people can't be there when you need them to be, then you don't need such useless people in your life. What good are they when they can't be there for you when you need them.

Now, if you're a needy person and you need someone around all the time, then the person who has a problem with your neediness has to articulate their issue with that and walk away, but that doesn't give them the right to ignore you and come to you only when it suits their agenda.

Another way to look at let him come to you: Don't drive yourself crazy trying to MAKE someone do something. A person doesn't have to be ready to talk just because you're ready to talk. Nobody has the right to demand anything of anybody. When that person comes around, say what you got to say then. Maybe by the time that person comes around, you've moved on already. That's fine. But now you have an opportunity to get further closure if you want that.

click to expand

Well I know I can't make him. And I don't want to it's just killing me that he doesn't care all of a sudden. Maybe it was gradual to him but its sudden to me since he never let on. I'm just sad that it's over before it even started and there's nothing I can do or say or show him to be like hey we may have had a miscommunication but I care for you. That's all it was. A small thing that became a big thing I guess but only because he made it so. Or maybe he was just looking for an excuse. Either way if I don't hear from him by Monday I'll consider myself done regardless if he is or not. And if he contacts me at a later date than so be it and I'll see how I feel then.

Also I appreciate the amount of time you put into your response crabbycrab â¤

And if he feels I'm manipulating or playing games with him I'm genuinely not. I was being honest and nothing but about a situation in which i could be been severly harmed. But it was by no fault of my own; I wasn't tempting anyone to attack me or hurt me. But for some reason that is how he took it I think. I'm not sure, he wouldn't say anything other than he's upset I didn't tell him sooner and that's why he worries about me because people are fucked up and do shitty things. But he said "Idk why you were with this guy in the first place, maybe he's a friend i don't know" and the guy he is referring to is someone from a group of friends I met up with and this guy got drunk I was sober so I have him a lift. Dudedoes some shady shit and so I kick him out of my car and he walks. That's how I explained it and I just don't understand where it's a reason to stop being with me. Like really I told him because he asked and I wouldn't lie to him. Then he made it a reason to call it quits. Idk whatever now I'm just getting mad about it

Posted by inkedtaurus
Also I appreciate the amount of time you put into your response crabbycrab â¤

Np. Maybe it will work out. Try to remember, nobody on this board knows his reasons, we're all just giving personal input. I have a feeling he will come back around if nothing else to see how things are and things will be clearer then. Take care.