Cap FWB Scorpio, opinions?

Hey Caps,
So, one of my close friends (friends for two years) threw out the FWB idea today. We have to go out of our way to see each other, but the friendship is great. We can talk about anything, even sex, comfortably. He hasn't been his bare true self around me completely, but I've seen parts of him he wouldn't outwardly show to the public. This is your average Cap, all about work, just got out of a year and a half long relationship. Doesn't want the drama of a relationship, and I can't blame him, his last relationship was a lot of dra!a.

He is Cap Sun, Sag Moon, Scorpio Venus, Cap Mercury, and I am Scorp Sun, Pisces Moon, Scorp Venus, and Sag Mercury. He's got a lot of earth and air, and I'm mostly water with a touch of fire. I'm worried this is going to crash and burn, and this friendship is really valuable to me. One of those friends I'll have for life.
I'm not so much worried about him, but myself getting attached. Especially with the Venus match. I fear the chemistry could make me want more, with all my emotional water, and this is "emotionless" Cap.

Is this a good idea? Should I back out? I can turn on my "bad Scorpio" and be detached, but that's an ugly side of me. However, he argues that FWB requires a very solid friendship foundation to be good.

Hey there! So I'm not a Cap per say, however I believe I'm on the cusp, having my birthday being on December 20th, so I'm definitely more Sag, but I share some common characteristics of a Cap. I've personally been in a similar situation years ago, with a Cap, January 9th, and we started off as friends but had a strong and immediate attraction from day one. We for many years, did do the FWB thing, and before I knew it, he was telling me he loved me and I was doing the same! We did end up in a committed relationship which I can't say lasted too long.... Reason being, he was one of those odd Cappys, who was necessarily goal oriented and ambitious, rather, he enjoyed that I was those two things, and had no problems with enjoying the fruits of my labor. Smh... He at the time, was in his mid twenties or close to it, and hadn't even gotten his GED. Now mind you, I didn't care about this when we met, but over time, as I completed my first college degree, I wanted him to at least complete that. (He had started night classes prior to meeting me, and then stopped going).... Eventually I did break up with him, and he ended up going and completing his GED. Lol funny how ppl do things that way.... Anyway, long story short, we stay in contact to this day, I've know him for almost twelve years, and we are friends now. He still tells me he loves me, even now. Although I believe this is more of a "I will always have love for you" type of love. Doesn't bother me though, bc I've always wanted to have our friendship survive.
It's a gamble, yes... Always is when friendship especially good friendship is involved. But, you'll never know what could happen, if you don't take the risk! Keep in mind, I'm a Sag true and true, with a small percentage of Cap... So we tend to be quite optimistic _??

I had a FWB once. She was Leo. We had fun and it was very passionate but if I had a chance to do it over again I would not go down that road. We always said it would never get complicated between us......well it did. We are still friends but it's not the same anymore. You make think that you can handle that kind of relationship but woman and man are wired differently. It's a 50-50 percent chance that you guys can handle it but are you willing to loose what you have now (which is great) with those odds. Good luck.

I have a Cap sun/Scorpio venus friend and he claims he wouldn't ruin a friendship with a fwb situation. He says if he sleeps with you then that's the end of the friendship, although I think he's lying.

Scorpio venuses are messy, meaning not only will you catch feelings but he may as well, idk, then again, if he just got out of a longterm relationship then I definitely wouldn't advise this.

SaggyGirl85, hello! The Cap I'm dealing with is 12/30. I went through some times where I was briefly attracted to this Cap, and it's an easy-flowing understanding between us, natural exchanges, no pretenses. I know he has that type of love for his ex. The way he described it was too much time together to be hateful, but too much bad blood to love again. They look out for each other. It's sweet. Thanks for your story!

smokeeater, that's what I'm worried about. Now, I've done FWB with a Gemini, so I've experienced the most extreme kind of detachment there is. But that was easy because I didn't know him that well. I have an emotional connection through the friendship with this Cap. To be fair, he always tells me to hook him up and introduce him to any attractive women I know, and I'm definitely allowed to also do things with his fraternity brothers, he doesn't care. I'm just worried I'm going to get attached and hurt or detached but executing power struggles. AKA, I know it's gonna bother me if I don't get what I want. Isn't mixing a solid friendship and sex the definition of a relationship anyways? Sigh. I wish his type wasn't high maintenance women.

lnan04, in what sense do you think he is lying? And I agree. I might just try to run it as long as I can until I get overwhelmed by my feelings and cut it off. I'm not sure he will catch feelings as he's been around the sororities and other girls (way prettier than me, honestly) and has had no problem. It's not too recent, maybe three months since.

Being pretty or being ugly has nothing to do with it. It's about that connection that's going to over whelm you at times. I have gone on dates with beautiful woman and I have found myself not having a spiritual connection with them and just like that there gone out of my life. Many people change when they get what they want.....they find out that what they wanted is truly not what they needed.

Don't do it.

Your instincts are right, if you didn't know him well it could maybe work but ANY suggestion coming from a guy to be FWB means just that and girls can't handle it, especially Scorpio girls.

You will release all these hormones and want to get closer but he won't care that much. Sex makes women feel closer, men just have a completely different mentality.

But if you want drama in YOUR life and want to feel high and low and have the luxury for that kind of stress, then you can do it of course..

If you value the friendship so much, don't do it. Someone is liable to fuck it up. ESPECIALLY with those Scorp Venus placements.

Posted by champranger
Oh and Cap Sun with Cap Merc is not likely to lose sight of the big picture (that this is an FWB) ...

Just saying ...

Not true... If it does not progress, it gets put aside until the time is right. True, friends with benefits is exactly what it is, until someone says other wise and BOTH parties agree to change it, it will remain the same for a Capricorn.

I personally can see when it starts changing the relationship, and I will with draw from the act if needed be just to save the relationship if I see it being destructive in the future. If I want more out of it, I personally would try with all my heart, even if I loose a friend in the process. At least I gave it my best and learned in the process. I used to play it safe with everything, but lost many opportunities in the process depriving my happiness.

Nothing in this world beats being honest with the people around you, which includes yourself...

Posted by SureShotCap

Posted by champranger
Oh and Cap Sun with Cap Merc is not likely to lose sight of the big picture (that this is an FWB) ...

Just saying ...

Not true... If it does not progress, it gets put aside until the time is right. True, friends with benefits is exactly what it is, until someone says other wise and BOTH parties agree to change it, it will remain the same for a Capricorn.

I personally can see when it starts changing the relationship, and I will with draw from the act if needed be just to save the relationship if I see it being destructive in the future. If I want more out of it, I personally would try with all my heart, even if I loose a friend in the process. At least I gave it my best and learned in the process. I used to play it safe with everything, but lost many opportunities in the process depriving my happiness.

Nothing in this world beats being honest with the people around you, which includes yourself...

click to expand

Have to agree with SSC here. It won't change until one party speaks up and both want to change it.
What I do have to point out is that Caps often need some time to get adjusted to that new setup. Rewriting the contract takes some time, so to say. 😛

My GF and I started out as FWB and it took me a long time to mentally adjust to the idea that it might have been more. I broke up just 3 months before but without any drama. My luck was that she was going abroad for half a year. We had minimal contact (2-3 times) and when she came back we hit it off again and it developed into what we have now.

While I am a believer in FWB being possible, anyone coming out of a relationship gets 6 months to cool down from me before I would consider hooking up with her. Too much risk of either party being in it for the emotional support. And your situation sounds too high risk for my liking yamilette7410.

smokeeater, we haven't actually done the deed yet, so I might just give it one go just to see if it's worth pursuing.

chocolatedreams, my main concern, because he was one of my first college friends. We went through a pre-med program together before he left for business, and we all had classes together. This is a really valuable friendship for me and I'm worried I'll be liable to fuck it up.

rockyroadicecream, when I did a natal chart for the Cap and saw that Scorpio Venus, I was so sad. I'm worried that the matching Venus is going to really complicate this...which makes me hesitant. I don't know who's Scorpio Venus is gonna make who cave first....

champranger, thanks for the advice. I'm worried about all my Scorpio against all that Cap...and he's doing an internship at Merrill Lynch and he's got all this career stuff going for him. He has told me before he prefers a consistent and steady girlfriend for emotional support but since he's recently single...well, he won't be settling down until September or October.

busyeyes88, agreed. As I said, I wouldn't be so worried about it if there wasn't already a solid friendship there. It's easy to be detached when there's no good friendship like that. I'm still debating it.

SureShotCap, I most likely wouldn't dare say anything. We haven't actually done the deed yet, but I think I understand what this Cap's mindset is. Are you suggesting that Caps usually start as FWB with potential girls? I would just explain that I caught feelings and end it right there. I would be shocked if this Cap wanted more than just sex from me...hell, I'm still surprised he asked me. And I don't get why Caps, or at least this Cap, think good friends make better friends with benefits. I feel exactly the opposite...FWB is better when there's a little friendship and a lot of attraction to remain as detached for as long as possible.

TigerCap, they've broken up twice, and this one was the second and final time. For Spring Break, she went to Austin and she hooked up with her ex who she dated all through high school. He found out because they used to share a room and she left her journal open. He's cordial with her and they still give each other some emotional support. They were together for a long time, and she was his real first love. He said they have too much bad blood to get back together, but too much love to cut each other off completely. She didn't appreciate him. As far as I'm concerned, she used and abused him for the money, but that's my opinion of the girl. I never liked her. I'm not sure how hard the second breakup hit him. But I would be shocked if he came to me for emotional support. Not to bash myself, but I'm nowhere near as pretty as some of the girls he has or wants to hookup with. This is all very confusing to me tbh.

I know one thing for sure. You deserve better than this. Saying no to him will actually make you seem unattainable and more valuable and if there is anything more than friendship in your future, it will give you a better chance at being his gf one day, whether you want it or not. Just tell him that you have romantic needs and can only do serious relationships and don't care for fwb scenarios straight to his face.

Anyone else agreeing with me here ?

chocolatedreams, that is true, but I really don't think there's a relationship in our future at all. Like I said, I'm the complete opposite of his type. I'm not interested in more than FWB right now with him, what I'm worried about is that I will eventually want more than that and he won't. Not sure that I trust myself to keep it casual. It won't matter if I turn him down, he's just going to keep romping around with other women. He'll probably just shrug and keep it moving right along. But then again, he did say about that being good friends makes for good FWB, which I still don't understand.

champranger, thank you for clarifying.

Posted by champranger
True. Nothing worst than lying to yourself.

Still, how likely do you think the Cap would want more in this case? I just saw a second FWB thread involving a Scorp female with an earth sign male, where the Scorp caught feelings and the guy didn't...

This all depends on the person's needs at that time in life. This is a universal rule. This is where compatibility comes into play.

Posted by yamilette7410
SureShotCap, I most likely wouldn't dare say anything. We haven't actually done the deed yet, but I think I understand what this Cap's mindset is. Are you suggesting that Caps usually start as FWB with potential girls? I would just explain that I caught feelings and end it right there. I would be shocked if this Cap wanted more than just sex from me...hell, I'm still surprised he asked me. And I don't get why Caps, or at least this Cap, think good friends make better friends with benefits. I feel exactly the opposite...FWB is better when there's a little friendship and a lot of attraction to remain as detached for as long as possible.

Your actions and your body language will tell him everything your words cannot.

Posted by champranger

Posted by yamilette7410
SureShotCap, I most likely wouldn't dare say anything. We haven't actually done the deed yet, but I think I understand what this Cap's mindset is. Are you suggesting that Caps usually start as FWB with potential girls? I would just explain that I caught feelings and end it right there. I would be shocked if this Cap wanted more than just sex from me...hell, I'm still surprised he asked me. And I don't get why Caps, or at least this Cap, think good friends make better friends with benefits. I feel exactly the opposite...FWB is better when there's a little friendship and a lot of attraction to remain as detached for as long as possible.

No, I think he's saying that a FWB can turn into something more, even for a Cap, and that an FWB will only stay an FWB if none of the involved parties speaks up otherwise.

click to expand

+1000

Capricorn males HAVE to be friends with a female before ever considering her as future potential.
Sex is one way to breach the walls but is not a sure ticket.

Balance, patience, understanding and growth will guarantee you a seat in a two person event.

FWIW, my ascendant is Cap, and his is Aries.

SureShotCap, I don't know what he needs, but he made it clear he won't be settling down until school starts. We were literally sitting at an early dinner talking about our sexcapades, he suggesting some of his fraternity brothers for me, and showing me some of the girls he's interested in, with me lightly touching on some guys I'm interested in. This Cap knows people and knows how to work them. He managed to get on the leadership board in one semester, which is absolutely unheard of. He only has a few rules about the type of girl he hooks up with (lighter than him, shorter than him, and sober). Sorry if those details are unnecessary, but I'm not too sure this goes deeper than sex, although I can't say with certainty it doesn't. We're definitely not talking on a daily basis, so....idk.

I'll keep an eye out for the actions and body language. It's a shame he needs to be drunk to be honest. Sigh. I'm going to be careful about how I play my cards, and bring more questions here if necessary.

"he argues that FWB requires a very solid friendship foundation to be good"

seriously?

sounds like both of you don't find each other romantically attractive. even so, do you think he will be as cool of a pal to discuss how his other friends may be a great ride for you better than him lol? i'm not saying it's not possible it's just not likely lol

i'd say if he has some hot friends (lol) and you really value his friendships, this risk is not worth it

I've had fwb:s, so I'm not against the concept. However, the fact that you are sounding hesitant is to me evidence enough that you probably shouldn't do it, imo.

One of my fwb worked perfectly with no one getting overly attached. The other was an ex who I still had feelings for...secretly. And apparently, he felt the same way...secretly. We both thought the other person was just after the sex. After that we spent about seven years trying to trust that the other person was not just after the sex. Not kidding. I mean, there's just no proving the opposite. I think what saved us in the end was that we had been in a relationship before together.

Turning a fwb situation into a relationship is a long an ardous road. Don't take the risk - don't do it if you're not very very sure you have absolutely no feelings for this guy and vise versa.

^^^...and if you're not sure that you won't catch feelings for him in the future...which is what may be the problem in your case.

Posted by yamilette7410
FWIW, my ascendant is Cap, and his is Aries.

SureShotCap, I don't know what he needs, but he made it clear he won't be settling down until school starts. We were literally sitting at an early dinner talking about our sexcapades, he suggesting some of his fraternity brothers for me, and showing me some of the girls he's interested in, with me lightly touching on some guys I'm interested in. This Cap knows people and knows how to work them. He managed to get on the leadership board in one semester, which is absolutely unheard of. He only has a few rules about the type of girl he hooks up with (lighter than him, shorter than him, and sober). Sorry if those details are unnecessary, but I'm not too sure this goes deeper than sex, although I can't say with certainty it doesn't. We're definitely not talking on a daily basis, so....idk.

I'll keep an eye out for the actions and body language. It's a shame he needs to be drunk to be honest. Sigh. I'm going to be careful about how I play my cards, and bring more questions here if necessary.

First, Caps DON"T GET DRUNK AND/OR SPILL THE BEANS without TRUST!!! Now breaking down his words into reality... Caps are seekers of the best AND DO NOT SHARE WHAT THEY HAVE WORKED FOR. So saying he suggest some of his frat brothers absolutely makes NO SENSE whatsoever... It's obviously a test for you. Are you loyal? Did you pass? Only you know...

What does a Capricorn want— He only looks for people with similar qualities (LOYALTY).
A MAIN QUALITY that hardly anyone obtains anymore- are you a sell out? Do you have a price? This includes selling out for personal needs. Caps sacrifice their own happiness to prove this point!!! Are you willing to prove this point—

So if their was a room filled with horoscope signs and torture was the method, how many would sell out. I would say only 3 would be there still suffering. Which signs do you think they are—

Posted by champranger
Doesn't this kind of tests tend to backfire? Others will just think the Cap is not interested...

It might, but only the clever can figure it out or your belief of loyalty that will keep you focused on the end goal, not a temporary accomplishment.

From the Caps point of view: Only an idiot would trust an unfaithful or disloyal person...

iCloud9, I probably won't take the opportunity. It makes me uncomfortable that he and his fraternity brothers from his pledge class want to be Eskimo brothers so bad (it's a term for two guys who have fucked the same girl). He's also been asking me to be a part of FMF threeway, letting me pick the girl. He's having a party tonight at his house, and he sent me a picture (his parents are rolling in money and the house was bought for 2.1M) of the view of his room with two glass walls and told me to show it to any of my girlfriends and I'm sure he's been down. He checked in the other day and asked me if I found a girl and I said no, threeways aren't my thing and I've met someone recently. He just said okay, didn't question me or prod me. I'm debating whether or not I should go the party anyways, despite knowing his intentions with me and knowing that I'm talking to someone fairly seriously right now. He has some hot friends, but yeah, more of a fan of the friendship. Only bias here is I'm talking to someone so I'm not lonely or seeking FWB since I have a prospective relationship on my hands.

*and she would be down/interested in the FMF threeway.

evalani290, makes sense why I would be a safe bet, i.e. we don't talk on the daily but we have a few shared experiences. We hadn't been in touch in a few months until lately he asked me to an early dinner and proposed the idea. I saw the whole thing from the beginning, from when he started falling for her, to when she started falling for him, through to the first breakup, and just heard about the final one through the grapevine. I personally don't like his ex, she doesn't like me. We don't speak. I'm not quite sure what you mean about your middle section of your first comment. I'm not interested in his games, and am actually interested in something serious right now, so I haven't been blowing up his phone trying to see him or anything like that.

HappyCapper, I don't think I'm going to do it, as right now I'm interested in someone else with whom I might want to have a relationship. Prior to meeting said person, I was weighing my options very carefully, and I know I personally have a tendency to catch feelings in those types of situations, especially because the emotional component of a relationship "set up" via the friendship. I was worried I'd be stuck with feelings and him being fine and dandy and confused about why we couldn't be friends anymore. To be frank, I probably would have gone for it but I saw that Venus in Scorp and balked entirely.

SureShotCap, I added some of them on Facebook, and I'll see them if I go to the party tonight, but as mentioned earlier, I pretty much threw out the idea of a threeway, because it's really not my type, and I usually have a rule that I don't hook up with more than one brother from the same fraternity unless a minimum of a semester/6 months has passed. He knows I've hooked up with a different fraternity brother but not from his pledge class back in March, and that one hardly participates in fratty activities, so they barely know each other. I mentioned (because it was true at the time) that I felt like I blew my chances with that other guy, and I wished I had stuck FWB through with that guy cause maybe he would have dated me, but that was it. He doesn't and shouldn't know that the other guy is single, and we almost hooked up again had it not been for me meeting someone new that I became interested in.

I'm not sure what you mean by selling out, but other than one "benefit" right before he dropped me off at my house, I haven't progressed further nor slept with him. I told him already that threeways are not my thing, and that I've met someone else and thus I need to slow down my shenanigans. FWIW, if that was a true test, it backfired. I'm really not convinced the Cap is interested in me in a romantic sense.

Champranger, I haven't seen him in person since, and if I go to the party tonight, he is the co-host so I will see him there. We haven't texted at all besides him asking me if I had found someone and me turning down the threeway idea. I figured fraternity etc etc indicated college. He's 20, and he's a junior in college. I'm 19, and also a junior in college.

Sell out means being a follower. Not standing up for your standards. Wanting to be accepted. Doing the opposite makes you a leader. Not doing what he wants makes you more attractive. Standing up for your beliefs makes you attractive. Saying NO makes him hate you but have respect for you.

Capricorns run out of people to trust, so we naturally go back to the people we can trust in time. So maybe he won't be yours now( he is not ready now anyways), but in the future he will look for you. Yes I know, like everyone says, I lost my shot. Caps say if it was meant to be, it will be...

evalani20, pretty much. Most college boys are sex-hungry animals right now. It's seen as slutty if you just start having sex with a bunch of different guys in the same fraternity. They lose respect for you like that.

Well, he never really chased me except for the talking we did before and during the dinner thing. He didn't freak or anything when I told him I met someone else, and hasn't even asked me why I skipped the party he was co-hosting last night. We haven't texted or anything since then. There seems to be no chase, but maybe my Scorpio nature prefers an obvious chase to subtleties. I was under the impression that a boy wants from you what he asks of you, and wouldn't actually...disrespect, I guess...a girl he liked by asking for friends with benefits. If he really liked me in a romantic sense, I just think he'd be treating me differently. I'm not usually attracted to Caps, so I'm in foreign territory here.

Well, SureShotCap, I did end up staying firm in my desire to not have a threeway, nor did I ever ask another girl to participate in one with me. I'm guessing when I told him I met someone else, that it implied I wouldn't be pursuing a FWB thing with him anymore.

champranger, his reaction was very passive, but this Cap isn't one to show much emotion in public. He's usually fairly composed no matter what. There wasn't much of a response at all. It just felt like me talking to any of my other friends about who I'm interested in. He pretty much just told me at the end of the day that if I'm ever in the mood to just let him know, and we would work something out. But the next day, I asked him what he was up to (because hey why not start now, I have a high sex drive anyways), and he said he was going to a party and left it at that. I just said okay and didn't talk to him again until he asked me if I found another girl for the threeway.

evalani290, geez, I really don't remember if I've ever helped him out. He's never lacked for anything, really. He's rich, has a lot of friends (who he can't hold onto very well) and is doing incredibly well in his business education. There's nothing I can think of in the past year or so, except when he's like if you ever meet any cute girls to get him connected. Why do you ask?

Wise decision, imo. Let him play - that's what he seems to want to do at this time of his life. And good luck with that other guy. 🙂