Capricorn Men- Lack of Social Grace or Just Rude?

First let me offer some disclosure: I am a capricorn woman, my significant other is a capricorn, too. We had the most severe of arguments yesterday. He says I am being overemotional and too sensitive. We've been together for about a year and a half. Last night I cut out of class early to spend some time with him. I get to his house and he has his friends over. After a few minutes, I notice he is not going to make any introductions so I go upstairs and sit in his room. Yeah I know, I just as easily could've made my own introductions but I feel like that was not my place. After over an hour, he still is down there socializing with his friends. Now I am steaming mad and feel like my head is going to blow up. I text him "wth—" and he comes upstairs to see what my "problem" is. I told him that he is rude and inconsiderate for not introducing me, that he is excluding me like I am not important and that he is taking my time for granted. His take on the whole thing is that I am looking for validation and acceptance from other people. Not at all, I am just looking for some common courtesy and not to feel like an outcast. Now this isn't the first time this has happened. He's done it when I met up with him and he was with his dad, he did it when his mother & cousins came over....while there was no introduction made, my presence was acknowledged by them and vice versa.

So I guess what I am asking is: Am I the only one who thinks that this is poor etiquette or am I asking for too much? I know I would never do that to anyone whether it was a friend, significant other or acquaintance. We both have the same venus in aquarius but I have a gemini moon & he has a sag moon. His mercury is aquarius with mars in taurus and mine is capricorn along with my mars. I am a taurus rising and he is a pisces rising.

thank you chance11...those were my exact sentiments & that is exactly how I expressed it to him. His excuse is that he thought that I already knew everyone and that I must've been tired to go upstairs...purely based on assumptions. He says its not in his nature for him to make introductions because he feels that people should make their own connections. He says as long as I know that I am important to him that is all that matters. They know who I am and I know who they are by default but I felt excluded and my feelings to say the least were very very hurt.

It may be a cultural thing...I have an asian background and he is african american but I've been around the block enough times with people of different cultures and upbringings, that I never had that experience with anyone else. Its like he bases everything on assumptions.

Last I checked as an African american myself it is rude to not intro a person within a group they are not familar with. To add injury to insult he had to be summoned after an hour had gone by...highly disrespectful.

Well how do you think he would react to it being done to him?

Im capricorn and can sometimes be quite oblivious ie its not intentional

I can attribute it to his "capricorn" aloofness but rude is rude no matter what. My next motive is to start doing the same thing to him..there is no other way for him to see it my way

I've never had anyone do that to me, odd behavior for sure. Could be his Aqua in venus, doesn't want to commit to telling the world you are his girlfriend so he says nothing...LMAO SMH so ridiculous but that's how it is.

It does seem a bit disrespectful, but why didn't you introduce yourself? Maybe he thinks you can do it yourself because he sees you as capable? Or maybe he's trying to get you to be more social. You did go up to his room by yourself. To me that seems like you don't know how to be social...and then you got mad at him...

I understand how it can be when it's hard to introduce yourself to new people. I used to hate it when my scorpio would take me to a place where he knew everyone and I didn't and he'd leave me alone. But I at least took the initiative to socialize since he wasn't going to help me.

Now that doesn't excuse his lack of manners, but the above suggestion is just a thought for how to act later. You getting mad makes you seem like the bad person and he'll end up blaming you even though he's the one who was in the wrong.

no it was a thought for me to introduce myself but he didn't even acknowledge me in the room

Posted by cappy1277
no it was a thought for me to introduce myself but he didn't even acknowledge me in the room

Ah, did you talk to him about it?

Sorry I saw you said something about him thinking you needed validation, but did you talk to him about it after that when you were less emotional and could talk in a calm manner?

Why anyone want to be with a guy that isn't acknowledging and validating her presence is beyond me but some women don't care least not enough to move on to someone whose not going to treat her like that. He's rude accept it or leave him alone.

Posted by tiki33
Why anyone want to be with a guy that isn't acknowledging and validating her presence is beyond me but some women don't care least not enough to move on to someone whose not going to treat her like that. He's rude accept it or leave him alone.

Agreed. That's why I was asking if she's talked to him or not. Because if he still thinks it's okay to do this after she's had a calm talk with him about this then she needs to get out of the relationship because obviously it's something she can't live with. Either that or it will continue and one or the other will snap and the relationship will end that way.

thanks everyone for your responses. I try to rationally & unemotionally speak to him about it but I think i have a hit a moot point with him. We agreed to disagree. He feels that its not his responsibility to make the connections or bonds for me. He says that I am grown and if I wanted to be part of the group I could have imposed myself upon the conversation. Not really my style . I think that as a guest (that's another disagreement- he feels that I am not a guest in house but an occupant)it is his DUTY to make the introductions...it feels very disrespectful to me. I am not looking for validation for anything...i have a venus aquarius also so I understand his point of view. I'm not looking for him to "Hey everyone, this is my girlfriend so and so." I guess you can say I felt excluded...like the kid that wasn't picked for the team during gym class. I would never make anyone feel that way and I guess it's in his nature to be like that because he said its nothing personal- he does it to everyone. But than again I am not everyone or i expect not to be treated like everyone. the whole argument turned into the state of our "relationship." he feels like I am pressuring him to be more to me than what he can offer at this time. Its amazing how all this turned around on the state of our relationship when all I said that he is rude...lol. so yeah obviously his argument has deeper emotional undertones than what I was implying.

That would be a great idea but how do you think that would work towards a cappy man in his home? LOL!!

lol...that would make for some interesting fireworks..lol

Also I hate to factor in race, some black men have all this swag and confidence that you have to contend with, they want to front in front of friends and family and act as if he's running a woman, as if he's too cool to acknowledge you (not all black men behave this way but it just so happens you have on who does behave this way), if you don't stand up he'll run all over your ass Cappy1277. He know you being asian well you won't flip it like a black woman would flip it, don't be that kind of girl that rolls over on her belly and take it, take thx's advice and flip it on him so he's the one that feels like the kid that didn't get picked during gym class, make him feel invalidated, when you get around your friends, family, strangers talk to them as if he's not standing there, just have to be less nice and little more brash when you have to.

If it were me knowing what I know I would move on, I would keep him around but wouldn't date him seriously, I hope you have other men around that you can hang out with and date b/c this one isn't taking you seriously or he would acknowledge you as someone important in his life...Maybe you have misinterpreted the nature of your relationship with him.

tiki- funny thing about the race factor because I was having that convo with one of my friends that some people think asian women are submissive- what they to fail to factor in is what their origin of country is...mine is Korea (my mother actually). I certainly did not roll over and take it. It was huge argument that I had initiated by expressing to him that I did not appreciate it at all.My temper is explosive and I have a hard time holding anything back.I say what i want when I deem necessary and trust me, I didn't hold back. He said he never realized I had an explosive temper like that. I really wanted to rip his head off and had visions of it...

As far as interpreting the nature of the relationship, there is nothing to misinterpret. He keeps bringing the subject up for unknown reasons. I don't want a relationship with him per se...we relate, its a relationship. I have no expectations. We are both busy pursuing our goals separately and I have the intention of moving over to the west coast as soon as I am out of school in 18 mos. It is what it is... if he follows, he follows. otherwise life will go on without him. I love and adore him but I am realistic. 🙂

thx- hell yeah...great pics! 🙂

Well if he thought you were the submissive doormat type well he know now that you aren't lol

It's great that you love and adore him but don't be a fool because of it...Hopefully he'll mull it over and attempt to adjust his behavior, if he's super stubborn, forget about it, if he love you then he'll try to adjust, if he feel you're just a friend, someone he has sexual benefits with then he'll most likely continue on not acknowledging/validating you.

Cappy next time just give him the movie Kill Bill...Lucy Lui and her crew was the ultimate bad bitches in that movie lol

LOL thx gogo girl was one of my favorite characters in the movie...

he has modified past behaviors and he seemed super sensitive about the whole issue...i was at the top of the stairs trying to sneak out this morning and I saw him jump up. he gets on the phone and the whole time I gotta see this- who the hell is he calling— my phone starts ringing and I am watching him pace back & forth not realizing I am the top of the stairs watching him...lol. He sees me and says that he didn't want me to leave and kissed me on the cheek. I rolled my eyes and left anyway...i know mean- but if I'm pissed, I'm pissed. get back at me in three days, i might have calmed down by then...lol. If not, its a wrap. Funniest thing he said to me last night? That he misses how it used to be and that he wishes we could get it back...as far as spending more time together and being wrapped up in each other. i told him that when he ready to make the concessions to spend more time together (like not being a workaholic..yeah right) then we can get it back but i am not going to be the only making the concessions. 2 way street buddy. This is a guy who makes plans to go on vacation together, I have free roam of his house while he is not home, calls me 5-6 times a day and wants me to be home with every night. the "relationship" needs to be equitable before I am willing to bend but this is all coming from a guy who doesn't think he can give me what I need right now...which I never asked for to begin with. I am more for self preservation right now in my life and if it entails me separating from him, so be it. I'll miss him and love him but I love myself more. I get the feeling that he is making this more than what it is....like he wants me to offer a proclamation of some sort and make him my man...lol

Lol- love the gogo girl!

He's rude *shrugs* there are worse things to complain about lol

He's rude *shrugs* there are worse things to complain about lol

Yeah its not a deal breaker for sure...we'll see how it plays out 🙂

Cappy1277, I like the fact that you are not afraid at all to stand up to him LOL! This is how Caps are with eachother, both are real straightforward and no biting of the tongue going on. I'm sure you made plenty of sense to him, and he'll appreciate that you had a point whether he admits it or not. Its funny that he says he feels he can't give you what you need of him right now. I think he's slightly intmidated by you, which is interesting because I've never really read of a cap male saying that before, especially to someone that hasn't voiced any expectations. That's a first lol.

Hopefully its not a deal breaker but Caps can be pretty crazy with other Caps. One couple got married and paid a ton for the wedding only to get divorced a few months later because they had their first real argument and the cap male cursed at the cap woman lol.

@lnana04- that's where I scratch my head at...lol.If I voiced that I have no expectations then why are you saying that? lol
I pick and choose my battles very carefully but if I have something to say, I say it.

it sounds to me like things have become svery complicated and your both highly strung. probably in the past he craves you were both a lot more relaxed and flexible. It sounds like its a situation of walking on eggshells so the other person doesnt become enraged..thats existing not living

Im a capricorn and I can see how things can become tighter and tigher as a higher standard is sought as well as fussing over the imperfections.

If I were you I would both take a step back and count your blessings. It can become that modern people are like royalty. They sit tasting luxuroious food that people 200 years ago wouldnt have had even in their wildest dreams..and yet they say how rubbish everything is and how things are not good enough. Look around you at the computer, electricity, clean water, beautiful clothes (probably made in a sweatshop somewhere). Then look at your partner who has stood by you as you criicise and strut around like a queen saying you are so hard done by.. the whole thing is based on a hallucination. When you wake up you realise you are infact incredibly lucky...just like that feeling of goodfortune you had when you met your partner and you had those 'happy days' he craves. You both felt so lucky and treated each other with good ettiquette..rather than endless faultfinding

rude is rude no matter how you put it. I am not trying to label it as such but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. It was rude in the fact that he told me that I had slipped his mind. Its not being overemotional or too sensitive in my eyes. I saw BS and I called him on it. This wasn't the first time and I let it slip the previous times, so this may have been my doing. its a lack of consideration of my time as I had to make the concessions. we were alone when we had this argument- I would never embarrass myself or him by arguing in front of other people.

@michelle- you are right 100% but he fails to understand that I am not like these other women that are going to make demands of him because I think we hit a milestone in our "relationship." I have no expectations because the cappy that I am, I chose to focus on other endeavors and he is just a plus factor right now. I love him to pieces and I am sure things could progress to other levels IF that is what the both of wanted at this time, but I don't feel that now is the time & I think that he has a hard time understanding that because i am a female. I have been the one to say let's keep it as best friends with benefits. I don't need a label because I don't give him one. I have no expectations of him because I feel that I may disappoint him by not living up to his expectations of me. I think its all a huge misunderstanding on both ends but no one is really trying to listen to each other at this point. Its been a week since I have heard from him so who knows? Maybe this is a time of reflection for the both us & a time to figure out if s**t or get off the pot...lol.

#1 WE ARE NOT PEOPLE PERSONS

#2 YOU MAY BE A CRY-BABY WHINY-ASS.

@jamestate- crybaby?? never- you must have me mistaken for a cancer woman.

I think he may have gotten off the pot because I haven't heard from in about a week- I usually speak to him about 6x times a day (calls that he initiates). Which is just fine- if the relationship has any bearing on any of us and becomes to much- I am sure that one of us will make contact. He's been really busy with his company & I am busy with school. I'm just gonna take it on the chin & let it be.🙂

If he doesn't make a real move soon.
Confront him.
Just tell him up front what you need to move forward.

he made the move in his typical capricorn fashion...brusque & to the point...lol. all is well I guess you can say. thanks everyone for the advice.

Oh Cappys are just trying to tell u who is boss but unfortunately they are not real bosses but trying to make u believe in that they are the most insecure low self esteem jerks i ever know who tries to bluff people or convince others that that they are worth more than who they are and have nothing to back up so they get this from the rest of the people they befriend to advance their goals and therefore they are the coldest insipid spineless people who act according to the circumstances


circumcise them and u shall see the truth.

Maybe he wasn't expecting you home at that time? Had you both agreed to spending time together?? Why didn't you just stick around and ask what they were up to??

You sound draining.

Lol at taking three pages for the first Cap men to appear.

@Cappy1277: As far as I see it you walked in, nodded to the people already there. Went upstairs without saying a word.
You know who acts like that? A roommate you don't really have a bond with. Not a girlfriend.

It might have been more polite if he introduced you, but it actually is your responsibility to butt yourself in there and introduce yourself.

Then you went utterly, steaming ballistic in your room because instead of asking him right away you, decided to fume over it and get mad at him over something he did not do. Not over something he did wrong, but over something he should have done right. And that's not fair.
Who knows what his reasoning at the time was? Maybe maybe he thought you needed some time by yourself or if you just were busy, or perhaps you wanted to freshen up a little bit and come down after that being all glamourous and do a proper introduction.
Or maybe he did forget. That means he's an idiot, but not an indicator of rudeness or lack of social skills.

not my room, not my house and surely didn't just walk in nod & go upstairs. this was an invitation he extended to me and we had planned earlier in the week.

needless to say, he has adjusted his behavior & makes introductions as needed.

Posted by ellessque
This thread is two years old and the OP came back to respond!!!!!

I've never seen that before....LOL

I am surprised that people are still responding lol

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Maybe he wasn't expecting you home at that time? Had you both agreed to spending time together?? Why didn't you just stick around and ask what they were up to??

You sound draining.

Good points.