Confusing Capricorn! Please help.

Hey guys! So I have been dating a Cap for two years now, living with each other (up until late October) for a year. We hit a rough patch in September, but decided to take it slow a few weeks ago. But y'all, he is confusing the hell out of me. He used to text me every day all day, and now he barely does. I have told him how much communication means to me, and he tells me he understands. He also stated he doesn't realize he's hurting my feelings most of the time when I tell him how I hurt him. We went from seeing each other every day to seeing each other once a week... but when we see each other he holds my hand and we kiss and what not. I haven't slept with him since the rough patch started because I need things to be better than what they are for that to happen. He invited me over for thanksgiving two days before the day last week, but I figured we should be in a better place for me to join him and his family, but that I'd like to hopefully be better with him in time for Christmas so we can spend that together, he said he understood. I have asked him if there's anyone else, and e looked me in the eyes and told me there's definitely no one else. I miss how he used to text me like crazy and how he just was so attentive. Cappies, will I ever be to get that back? Or do I just let him go? Because I'm hurting pretty badly over here. Yesterday I told him I don't know how much longer I can do this (I asked him to lunch and he didn't reply), because I am so tired of trying and being rejected/ignored. He replied right away saying he's sorry and that he wasn't by his phone and that he's playing a game. I'm so exhausted and just want to be happy. Will this all be worth it in the end? Is he testing me?

Oh by the way, I'm a Cancer sun, with a moon in libra, and Scorpio Rising. My Venus is in Leo.

Wait it out.

Keep us posted

I agree, you're thinking only about yourself and how pessimistically this is affecting YOU. Its like YOU dont want to have sex, YOU dont want to spend thanksgiving until YOU feel you are in a better place, YOU text him and he didn't respond right away, he apologized yet YOU are still unhappy about it. What about HIM? Cancers are so selfish, im telling yalllll

He has his own life. Let him live it. He might have some hobbies, goals to pursue. Too much contact is also not good. Messaging constantly is good only in the initial stages. After that it becomes cumbersome. And you have been together for 2 years. You need to work upon yourself if you have a problem with his not messaging you 24/7. As it is normal for people to need some space. If he is contacting you once a week then you shouldn't have any problem with him.

Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
He invited you to thanksgiving with his family. You said no. Did you ever stop to think what that would have meant to HIM?? Did you think about how that could have HELPED your relationship. I doubt it. All you talked about is YOU and what YOU want and how YOU feel. The world doesnt revolve around you and neither does this relationship. He has needs and feelings too. Sounds like they are being neglected.

If there is one thing i know about cap men its that they wont put up with having their needs be ignored for very long at all. I am simply stating the truth as i see it and as i have seen it happen.

Fk your family! I love ME’

Cancer here...brrrr

Thanks everyone for the replies! For everyone saying I’m selfish, please let me elaborate that it’s been me who’s been making all plans and letting him know how much he means to me! The Thanksgiving invitation honestly did not feel genuine because he said it after canceling original plans and I jokingly said he has to make it up to me and then invited me. I probably overthought it though. He left me with all the bills and at the house by myself, without any concern for me, but with that said, I understand. He was going through some things and had to get himself right, which is why I’m still trying. I am feeling insecure in our relationship which is why I love communication, but y’all are probably right. I have to think of his side too.

He hasn’t exactly been trying to have sex with me either. He is uncomfortable with his body right now. I constantly reassure him I don’t care and that I love him the way he is.

I feel like such a dick. Thank you guys for being so honest.

Posted by Cancervirgo15degrees
Well we dont know the entire story. Only what you posted. So my answer was according to what you originally posted

Yeah I get that! I only included recent incidents, I can see where you all are coming from 🙂

I don't think your being selfish ...

He is not meeting your needs ...and you both agreed to take it slow .. So just take it slow

Life is too short to stay in a relationship if your unhappy

All relationships take work and effort and cappie and cancer like ALL THE OPPOSITES is a hard to make work

Be patient with him and yourself, stay strong and only do what you are READY to do ...

Where is the TL;DR version?

Posted by UnicornSag
Ugh,this is a hard one...was going at first to blame you for being selfish but I see you're already blaming yourself so now have to say to stop it lol Caps and Cancers are 2 very different worlds that need a lot of mutual understanding to make it work. As it looks like now you 2 don't seem to understand each other much. Excuses he gave you are very familiar to me,the ones right before ghosting up. Don't mean to scare you by this tho. What was what you 2 struggled so much before you decided to separate from 1 home? I ask because it may indicate something more.

And I agree about Thanksgiving like some others said,it was probably an olive branch. Should have taken it and see how it goes. When it comes to sex yeah I get you about it,but it helps sometime to bring people closer. I'm not saying to do it if you don't want to,only stating fact that it helps to regain the feeling of closeness

I was dealing with some really hard stuff. I had two family members that I was really close to pass away. I was just done and not present. We also fought all the time because he would go out drinking all night every now and then and I’d have no idea where he was. I honestly thought he was dead sometimes. I’m really trying to work on my emotions and how I react to things.

Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where is the TL;DR version?

Basically I’m a needy ahole who constantly needs reassurance and I’m not getting it. Not even being sarcastic

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by themagnetoreborn
Where is the TL;DR version?

Basically I’m a needy ahole who constantly needs reassurance and I’m not getting it. Not even being sarcastic

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Find yourself first before you try to find someone else.

Posted by UnicornSag

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by UnicornSag
Ugh,this is a hard one...was going at first to blame you for being selfish but I see you're already blaming yourself so now have to say to stop it lol Caps and Cancers are 2 very different worlds that need a lot of mutual understanding to make it work. As it looks like now you 2 don't seem to understand each other much. Excuses he gave you are very familiar to me,the ones right before ghosting up. Don't mean to scare you by this tho. What was what you 2 struggled so much before you decided to separate from 1 home? I ask because it may indicate something more.

And I agree about Thanksgiving like some others said,it was probably an olive branch. Should have taken it and see how it goes. When it comes to sex yeah I get you about it,but it helps sometime to bring people closer. I'm not saying to do it if you don't want to,only stating fact that it helps to regain the feeling of closeness

I was dealing with some really hard stuff. I had two family members that I was really close to pass away. I was just done and not present. We also fought all the time because he would go out drinking all night every now and then and I’d have no idea where he was. I honestly thought he was dead sometimes. I’m really trying to work on my emotions and how I react to things.

You seem like a good and caring person which is why I suggest you to not have high hopes regarding this guy and look for someone who is more like you.

What you describe is not a nice thing to do to anyone at all and you don't need to go through it no matter what his sign is. You have every right to deal with your sorrow any way you want when you lose people you were close to and he should be caring for you, not fighting you! Instead you're caring for him,is he even alive and not having idea where guy is, plus he's getting drunk is something no one needs to go through. Maybe he needs help with his problem but more professional help. You don't need to devote your life resolving his problems. I'm all about helping people and would do anything for the loved ones but there are limits in that which we have to recognize wen is the time to call for more help dealing with problem. And I really don't have muchrespect for people who gst drunk often, fo drugs etc...getting drunk here and there isn't a big deal but if it's a habbit it can get worse by time

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I’ve asked him so many times if he needs help with his drinking and it’s always no. Which is what I expected. I feel pretty lost and know he’s not treating me right, but I can’t help but blame myself and my behavior when I get upset for him dipping out and treating me this way. He really did take care of me financially and tried to be there for me the best to his capability. But I know things need to change.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by UnicornSag
Ugh,this is a hard one...was going at first to blame you for being selfish but I see you're already blaming yourself so now have to say to stop it lol Caps and Cancers are 2 very different worlds that need a lot of mutual understanding to make it work. As it looks like now you 2 don't seem to understand each other much. Excuses he gave you are very familiar to me,the ones right before ghosting up. Don't mean to scare you by this tho. What was what you 2 struggled so much before you decided to separate from 1 home? I ask because it may indicate something more.

And I agree about Thanksgiving like some others said,it was probably an olive branch. Should have taken it and see how it goes. When it comes to sex yeah I get you about it,but it helps sometime to bring people closer. I'm not saying to do it if you don't want to,only stating fact that it helps to regain the feeling of closeness

I was dealing with some really hard stuff. I had two family members that I was really close to pass away. I was just done and not present. We also fought all the time because he would go out drinking all night every now and then and I’d have no idea where he was. I honestly thought he was dead sometimes. I’m really trying to work on my emotions and how I react to things.

SO BASically he bails when u most n Ed him n behaves like a single man ...

then Hey fail to see why ur emotions all over the place

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I’ve tried to explain this to him. Trust me

Capricorn need their own space, while in the same time if you take yours, or you do the same or give less attention, they want yours immediately. They pulling off for every little thing and distance off.

Posted by UnicornSag

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by UnicornSag
Ugh,this is a hard one...was going at first to blame you for being selfish but I see you're already blaming yourself so now have to say to stop it lol Caps and Cancers are 2 very different worlds that need a lot of mutual understanding to make it work. As it looks like now you 2 don't seem to understand each other much. Excuses he gave you are very familiar to me,the ones right before ghosting up. Don't mean to scare you by this tho. What was what you 2 struggled so much before you decided to separate from 1 home? I ask because it may indicate something more.

And I agree about Thanksgiving like some others said,it was probably an olive branch. Should have taken it and see how it goes. When it comes to sex yeah I get you about it,but it helps sometime to bring people closer. I'm not saying to do it if you don't want to,only stating fact that it helps to regain the feeling of closeness

I was dealing with some really hard stuff. I had two family members that I was really close to pass away. I was just done and not present. We also fought all the time because he would go out drinking all night every now and then and I’d have no idea where he was. I honestly thought he was dead sometimes. I’m really trying to work on my emotions and how I react to things.

You seem like a good and caring person which is why I suggest you to not have high hopes regarding this guy and look for someone who is more like you.

What you describe is not a nice thing to do to anyone at all and you don't need to go through it no matter what his sign is. You have every right to deal with your sorrow any way you want when you lose people you were close to and he should be caring for you, not fighting you! Instead you're caring for him,is he even alive and not having idea where guy is, plus he's getting drunk is something no one needs to go through. Maybe he needs help with his problem but more professional help. You don't need to devote your life resolving his problems. I'm all about helping people and would do anything for the loved ones but there are limits in that which we have to recognize wen is the time to call for more help dealing with problem. And I really don't have muchrespect for people who gst drunk often, fo drugs etc...getting drunk here and there isn't a big deal but if it's a habbit it can get worse by time

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Well said.

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by UnicornSag

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by UnicornSag
Ugh,this is a hard one...was going at first to blame you for being selfish but I see you're already blaming yourself so now have to say to stop it lol Caps and Cancers are 2 very different worlds that need a lot of mutual understanding to make it work. As it looks like now you 2 don't seem to understand each other much. Excuses he gave you are very familiar to me,the ones right before ghosting up. Don't mean to scare you by this tho. What was what you 2 struggled so much before you decided to separate from 1 home? I ask because it may indicate something more.

And I agree about Thanksgiving like some others said,it was probably an olive branch. Should have taken it and see how it goes. When it comes to sex yeah I get you about it,but it helps sometime to bring people closer. I'm not saying to do it if you don't want to,only stating fact that it helps to regain the feeling of closeness

I was dealing with some really hard stuff. I had two family members that I was really close to pass away. I was just done and not present. We also fought all the time because he would go out drinking all night every now and then and I’d have no idea where he was. I honestly thought he was dead sometimes. I’m really trying to work on my emotions and how I react to things.

You seem like a good and caring person which is why I suggest you to not have high hopes regarding this guy and look for someone who is more like you.

What you describe is not a nice thing to do to anyone at all and you don't need to go through it no matter what his sign is. You have every right to deal with your sorrow any way you want when you lose people you were close to and he should be caring for you, not fighting you! Instead you're caring for him,is he even alive and not having idea where guy is, plus he's getting drunk is something no one needs to go through. Maybe he needs help with his problem but more professional help. You don't need to devote your life resolving his problems. I'm all about helping people and would do anything for the loved ones but there are limits in that which we have to recognize wen is the time to call for more help dealing with problem. And I really don't have muchrespect for people who gst drunk often, fo drugs etc...getting drunk here and there isn't a big deal but if it's a habbit it can get worse by time

I’ve asked him so many times if he needs help with his drinking and it’s always no. Which is what I expected. I feel pretty lost and know he’s not treating me right, but I can’t help but blame myself and my behavior when I get upset for him dipping out and treating me this way. He really did take care of me financially and tried to be there for me the best to his capability. But I know things need to change.

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You have to work on your part, take care of yourself first always. Capricorn takes shit loads of patience, not an easy sign in itself not even mentioned the moon and other planets influences. They have lots of negative traits but also positive. As long as there is value for you in him, you want to make it work. Tell your problems try to compromise and be communicative. It doesn't help, it won't work out anyway but at least tried

Posted by cancergirrrl
Thanks everyone for the replies! For everyone saying I’m selfish, please let me elaborate that it’s been me who’s been making all plans and letting him know how much he means to me! The Thanksgiving invitation honestly did not feel genuine because he said it after canceling original plans and I jokingly said he has to make it up to me and then invited me. I probably overthought it though. He left me with all the bills and at the house by myself, without any concern for me, but with that said, I understand. He was going through some things and had to get himself right, which is why I’m still trying. I am feeling insecure in our relationship which is why I love communication, but y’all are probably right. I have to think of his side too.

Ah. Caps going through difficult times are not easy for there S/O’s either, I can relate and can only really tell you, be true to yourself. You’ll know if he’s genuine with his feelings by just trusting your intuition.

The Thanksgiving invitation was only offered after you said he to make what up to exactly? You mentioned his plans fell through, but not what he’s making up to you.

Family is a very big deal and more important than anything in my experience with them. My Cappy sister is an amazing Mom, and she’s quite a judgy B, but I love and respect her, lol.

I’ve been with a Cap for about 2 and a half years, and really it was just relationship full on from the beginning. We were friends, and once we both knew we felt the same, that was it. Then he backed away. Then we talked. Then he backed away, and on and on for a bit. We’re getting there, maybe. Hopefully. I’m there for him. If he moves on and doesn’t see that, then his loss and he deserves a punch on the face.

I still can’t predict our future. But I do know with my very small experience, I’m the only one whose gone with him to family affairs, his brother had me calling me Aunt ‘insert my name”

I think it freaks my Cap out one day, then makes him happy the next.

Anyway, asking you to Thanksgiving is usually major, no matter what your sign. Cap or not. I wouldn’t invite anyone I didn’t care about to that holiday.

Texts aren’t important. They’re cute once in a while. But they don’t define a thing in a relationship. If someone tells you 8 times they love you through text, then sees you and can’t say the words, what do you believe is the truth?

Posted by HippieGem

Posted by cancergirrrl
Thanks everyone for the replies! For everyone saying I’m selfish, please let me elaborate that it’s been me who’s been making all plans and letting him know how much he means to me! The Thanksgiving invitation honestly did not feel genuine because he said it after canceling original plans and I jokingly said he has to make it up to me and then invited me. I probably overthought it though. He left me with all the bills and at the house by myself, without any concern for me, but with that said, I understand. He was going through some things and had to get himself right, which is why I’m still trying. I am feeling insecure in our relationship which is why I love communication, but y’all are probably right. I have to think of his side too.

Ah. Caps going through difficult times are not easy for there S/O’s either, I can relate and can only really tell you, be true to yourself. You’ll know if he’s genuine with his feelings by just trusting your intuition.

The Thanksgiving invitation was only offered after you said he to make what up to exactly? You mentioned his plans fell through, but not what he’s making up to you.

Family is a very big deal and more important than anything in my experience with them. My Cappy sister is an amazing Mom, and she’s quite a judgy B, but I love and respect her, lol.

I’ve been with a Cap for about 2 and a half years, and really it was just relationship full on from the beginning. We were friends, and once we both knew we felt the same, that was it. Then he backed away. Then we talked. Then he backed away, and on and on for a bit. We’re getting there, maybe. Hopefully. I’m there for him. If he moves on and doesn’t see that, then his loss and he deserves a punch on the face.

I still can’t predict our future. But I do know with my very small experience, I’m the only one whose gone with him to family affairs, his brother had me calling me Aunt ‘insert my name”

I think it freaks my Cap out one day, then makes him happy the next.

Anyway, asking you to Thanksgiving is usually major, no matter what your sign. Cap or not. I wouldn’t invite anyone I didn’t care about to that holiday.

Texts aren’t important. They’re cute once in a while. But they don’t define a thing in a relationship. If someone tells you 8 times they love you through text, then sees you and can’t say the words, what do you believe is the truth?

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He cancelled our original plans to go to the museum, but still came over to hang out at the house. So I was saying he has to make the canceling of the museum up to me. That’s when he invited me to thanksgiving.

You are so right about the texting though. He does tell me in person he enjoys me and my company and that’s what I should with. Not worry about him texting me is what I really need to do.

I hope everything works out for the two of you 🙂

Thank you everyone for all your amazing advice. He definitely took part in drinking before we even got together. Before we hit our rough patch his sister pulled me aside and asked me how his drinking was, and told me that his drinking almost destroyed their relationship.

I agree with everyone... I really need to work on myself. So much easier said than done, but I have to do it. I’m going to not text him and let him come to me, that is if he ever does. At least then I’ll know if he actually wants to be with me or if he just replies to me to be nice. I definitely have to stop glamorizing our past and how he pursued me for a year and a half before we even dated, because that was forever ago. I have to look at what’s going on now.

My relationship with a Cap felt I was always "having to be understanding" looking back on it now it just meant we were incompatible.

If my cap bf invited me over for thanksgiving and i didnt go... i would not hear the end of it. NO matter what you are going through or how you feel you still need to be there and show up at family functions he invites you too. How can the relationship grow or progress when you dont want to do things with him? and family is very important to them.

Not only that but me and my cap have had rough patches too and sex brings us closer once the fighting is over. Just a thought.

Im leo with cancer venus.

Posted by MoonshineLeo
If my cap bf invited me over for thanksgiving and i didnt go... i would not hear the end of it. NO matter what you are going through or how you feel you still need to be there and show up at family functions he invites you too. How can the relationship grow or progress when you dont want to do things with him? and family is very important to them.

Not only that but me and my cap have had rough patches too and sex brings us closer once the fighting is over. Just a thought.

Im leo with cancer venus.

Yes I am understanding that now. But as I said, it felt very last minute and not genuine, but that’s probably me overthinking it. If he invites me for Christmas I will go.

As for the sex thing, he’s one of those people that when he doesn’t feel good emotionally, he just can’t have sex.

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by MoonshineLeo
If my cap bf invited me over for thanksgiving and i didnt go... i would not hear the end of it. NO matter what you are going through or how you feel you still need to be there and show up at family functions he invites you too. How can the relationship grow or progress when you dont want to do things with him? and family is very important to them.

Not only that but me and my cap have had rough patches too and sex brings us closer once the fighting is over. Just a thought.

Im leo with cancer venus.

Yes I am understanding that now. But as I said, it felt very last minute and not genuine, but that’s probably me overthinking it. If he invites me for Christmas I will go.

As for the sex thing, he’s one of those people that when he doesn’t feel good emotionally, he just can’t have sex.

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No i totally get that, they get quiet when things on their mind. Try talking it out or giving him space. I give my cap lots of space but he never goes far.

As a Cap I can say that when we really need to work something out with ourselves we pull back hard. We do need the space. Lots of lovers have freaked during these times and ruined things in a giant shitstorm IME. I'm telling you though, we need it - and if you aren't willing to stick that through with us we have no problem letting it all go. We can't be a whole person in a relationship until whatever is the issue is fixed - we are thinking of our partner too in a bigger picture sense. I know you want instant answers but you won't find them with us during these times. We go waay into our heads when things need to be worked out.

On the other hand, I don't understand him leaving you financially hanging. That's awful to do to anyone. Sounds like he is being a jerk in aspects outside of the needing space— Space and a month of introspection will do you good here. Sucks because it's the holidays :/ but life happens. I always make sure to be very straightforward and not lie when I hit these spots. I try to make everything clear for my partner. Some have thought I was lying, skirting around something, etc. etc. They've gotten pissy with me or put pressure on me, or started reacting cruelly. Don't go that route unless you think he has really done you wrong or you'll lose him. Those are the times I've ran from the relationship. If I can't be straightforward and honest with you about what I need in order to come back and be a better partner with you without receiving BS from your end, then why am I with you— Hope this helps, I know this is rough... Best of luck!

Posted by hazeofpixiedust
As a Cap I can say that when we really need to work something out with ourselves we pull back hard. We do need the space. Lots of lovers have freaked during these times and ruined things in a giant shitstorm IME. I'm telling you though, we need it - and if you aren't willing to stick that through with us we have no problem letting it all go. We can't be a whole person in a relationship until whatever is the issue is fixed - we are thinking of our partner too in a bigger picture sense. I know you want instant answers but you won't find them with us during these times. We go waay into our heads when things need to be worked out.

On the other hand, I don't understand him leaving you financially hanging. That's awful to do to anyone. Sounds like he is being a jerk in aspects outside of the needing space— Space and a month of introspection will do you good here. Sucks because it's the holidays :/ but life happens. I always make sure to be very straightforward and not lie when I hit these spots. I try to make everything clear for my partner. Some have thought I was lying, skirting around something, etc. etc. They've gotten pissy with me or put pressure on me, or started reacting cruelly. Don't go that route unless you think he has really done you wrong or you'll lose him. Those are the times I've ran from the relationship. If I can't be straightforward and honest with you about what I need in order to come back and be a better partner with you without receiving BS from your end, then why am I with you— Hope this helps, I know this is rough... Best of luck!

That’s the thing, he won’t tell me what he needs! I wish he would so I could work on what I need to (outside of better myself for me!). He gets annoyed very easily if I try to talk about anything semi serious, even if I’m extremely calm. I don’t know how to approach him anymore about anything. Should I just leave all relationship talk alone? He’s still holding on to all the fights we’ve ever had against me even though I’ve honestly forgiven him for how horribly he’s wronged me throughout our relationship. I love him and want to move on from it all and be happy with him. I want him to be happy. I brought up him inviting me to Thanksgiving yesterday and his response was “wait did I?” Yes he did, and it’s safe to say that I feel like crap.

I honestly just feel like giving up because it’s starting to feel hopeless. Any little misunderstanding or tiny argument ends with him saying “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “I just can’t do this”. It can be over the stupidest thing. And now I feel like throwing the towel in because I’m starting to feel beaten up over it all. How do I avoid this from happening? How do I bring the spark to our relationship? That’s what I’m always trying to figure out.

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by hazeofpixiedust
As a Cap I can say that when we really need to work something out with ourselves we pull back hard. We do need the space. Lots of lovers have freaked during these times and ruined things in a giant shitstorm IME. I'm telling you though, we need it - and if you aren't willing to stick that through with us we have no problem letting it all go. We can't be a whole person in a relationship until whatever is the issue is fixed - we are thinking of our partner too in a bigger picture sense. I know you want instant answers but you won't find them with us during these times. We go waay into our heads when things need to be worked out.

On the other hand, I don't understand him leaving you financially hanging. That's awful to do to anyone. Sounds like he is being a jerk in aspects outside of the needing space— Space and a month of introspection will do you good here. Sucks because it's the holidays :/ but life happens. I always make sure to be very straightforward and not lie when I hit these spots. I try to make everything clear for my partner. Some have thought I was lying, skirting around something, etc. etc. They've gotten pissy with me or put pressure on me, or started reacting cruelly. Don't go that route unless you think he has really done you wrong or you'll lose him. Those are the times I've ran from the relationship. If I can't be straightforward and honest with you about what I need in order to come back and be a better partner with you without receiving BS from your end, then why am I with you— Hope this helps, I know this is rough... Best of luck!

That’s the thing, he won’t tell me what he needs! I wish he would so I could work on what I need to (outside of better myself for me!). He gets annoyed very easily if I try to talk about anything semi serious, even if I’m extremely calm. I don’t know how to approach him anymore about anything. Should I just leave all relationship talk alone? He’s still holding on to all the fights we’ve ever had against me even though I’ve honestly forgiven him for how horribly he’s wronged me throughout our relationship. I love him and want to move on from it all and be happy with him. I want him to be happy. I brought up him inviting me to Thanksgiving yesterday and his response was “wait did I?” Yes he did, and it’s safe to say that I feel like crap.

I honestly just feel like giving up because it’s starting to feel hopeless. Any little misunderstanding or tiny argument ends with him saying “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “I just can’t do this”. It can be over the stupidest thing. And now I feel like throwing the towel in because I’m starting to feel beaten up over it all. How do I avoid this from happening? How do I bring the spark to our relationship? That’s what I’m always trying to figure out.

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I would maybe say from a Cap perspective that he is trying to do a slow drop of the relationship. When someone means something to me, I still keep communication there even if I'm going through rough stuff. I have also tried to do the slow drop with someone I still care about but don't want to be in a relationship with. Just my perspective though? It sounds like you're driving yourself crazy trying to *figure out* how to make things better and it sounds like you're stonewalled a lot by him.

On the other hand, if you're determined to keep him - it sounds like he only wants lightheartedness and that that's all he can handle in a relationship atm. I dropped one of my last guys because he just wanted to keep rehashing, arguing, fighting and I mentally couldn't handle it anymore. It wasn't even that I necessarily wanted him gone at that point but I couldn't handle huge fighting. If even small disagreements are going like this for you two, I would walk away now. I know it hurts but it sounds like you were good to him and he isn't returning the sentiment! Again though, if you're really determined for this guy (why? he isn't for you??) have fun, be a healthy and fun distraction for whatever he is going through. You'll have to put yourself aside for now --- doesn't sound fair or right does it? Basically you can keep him if you keep making yourself a door mat for him. :/ Not cool...

I’m starting to feel that was as well. Last week he told me how I could be that one person for him and how much he loves my company and spending time with me to him being easily annoyed with me yesterday. I guess I should do myself a favor and end it.

Posted by cancergirrrl
I’m starting to feel that was as well. Last week he told me how I could be that one person for him and how much he loves my company and spending time with me to him being easily annoyed with me yesterday. I guess I should do myself a favor and end it.

Maybe you just need time apart. I would not contact him if i were you, just for now. Let him sort out his stuff. My cap has deff said some stuff similar to that and he has broken up with me. I do fight for him but if he wants to go then he can go. After a week or so he contacts me to get back together. I ignore him at first but he tries and tries and after emotions aren't so high we talk about things rationally. Its important to not raise your voice because he will just walk away, and before you talk just make it valid that you are not looking to argue. It has helped out alot.

But for now back off and if he wants you he will come back but dont rush back, make him work a little, he needs to be SURE he wants you.

Posted by UnicornSag

Posted by MoonshineLeo

Posted by cancergirrrl
I’m starting to feel that was as well. Last week he told me how I could be that one person for him and how much he loves my company and spending time with me to him being easily annoyed with me yesterday. I guess I should do myself a favor and end it.

Maybe you just need time apart. I would not contact him if i were you, just for now. Let him sort out his stuff. My cap has deff said some stuff similar to that and he has broken up with me. I do fight for him but if he wants to go then he can go. After a week or so he contacts me to get back together. I ignore him at first but he tries and tries and after emotions aren't so high we talk about things rationally. Its important to not raise your voice because he will just walk away, and before you talk just make it valid that you are not looking to argue. It has helped out alot.

But for now back off and if he wants you he will come back but dont rush back, make him work a little, he needs to be SURE he wants you.

Yeah this is pretty much it. Follow this advice and you have nothing to lose. You don't want to be his doormat right?

And also if that's your photo in avatar you can definitelly get any guy you want,there's no need to put yourself down for a guy like this. Whatever he's going through it affects you more than him the end. Plus what guy doesn't want a beautiful,caring,smart and confident woman? Regardless of sign,everyone would want that. So don't lose yoyr confidence cause of any guy and any problem he might have. You tried,did your best to it ad now it's his turn. If he wants you let him win you over again. You're not helping yourseld by being there for him and aking what to do to make things better. I tried same thibg about mine so I just let go. Complete silence and he contacted me after some time. Still rough but I'm not pushing anything anymore. If he wants me he knows where I am so he should work to get me again. Same goes for you, you did your part and trust me he knows it and there's nothimg more you can do. If he wants you let him to win you over again. If he doesn't well it's his loss. You can do much better than guy who acts like that

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Yes that’s me 🙂 thank you! And trust me, all that y’all are saying is not falling on deaf ears. I know I need to back off. I know I need to let him chase me (if he even will). It’s just hard when I’m still in the house we got together. He bought me a ring. He’s been my partner for two years and I’ve relied on him so much. He used to be amazing for the most part.... but I know I need to just stop. It’s just a matter of having that will power and not being weak.

Well today starts my no contact for him. After our argument on Monday where he hastily told me that he “can’t forgive me for past fights” and “can’t be happy with me”. I’m giving up. He cancelled plans with me yesterday because of an issue he was having with his father (his dad is really hard on him) and I told him that I’m his friend if he needs me and that even if things are bad between us, I do care about him and hope things get better. He never replied and honestly, I don’t really care. He’s abused my kindness and my love, so I will not be reaching out to him anymore. Here’s to taking care of me and not caving in.

Posted by cancergirrrl

Posted by hazeofpixiedust
As a Cap I can say that when we really need to work something out with ourselves we pull back hard. We do need the space. Lots of lovers have freaked during these times and ruined things in a giant shitstorm IME. I'm telling you though, we need it - and if you aren't willing to stick that through with us we have no problem letting it all go. We can't be a whole person in a relationship until whatever is the issue is fixed - we are thinking of our partner too in a bigger picture sense. I know you want instant answers but you won't find them with us during these times. We go waay into our heads when things need to be worked out.

On the other hand, I don't understand him leaving you financially hanging. That's awful to do to anyone. Sounds like he is being a jerk in aspects outside of the needing space— Space and a month of introspection will do you good here. Sucks because it's the holidays :/ but life happens. I always make sure to be very straightforward and not lie when I hit these spots. I try to make everything clear for my partner. Some have thought I was lying, skirting around something, etc. etc. They've gotten pissy with me or put pressure on me, or started reacting cruelly. Don't go that route unless you think he has really done you wrong or you'll lose him. Those are the times I've ran from the relationship. If I can't be straightforward and honest with you about what I need in order to come back and be a better partner with you without receiving BS from your end, then why am I with you— Hope this helps, I know this is rough... Best of luck!

That’s the thing, he won’t tell me what he needs! I wish he would so I could work on what I need to (outside of better myself for me!). He gets annoyed very easily if I try to talk about anything semi serious, even if I’m extremely calm. I don’t know how to approach him anymore about anything. Should I just leave all relationship talk alone? He’s still holding on to all the fights we’ve ever had against me even though I’ve honestly forgiven him for how horribly he’s wronged me throughout our relationship. I love him and want to move on from it all and be happy with him. I want him to be happy. I brought up him inviting me to Thanksgiving yesterday and his response was “wait did I?” Yes he did, and it’s safe to say that I feel like crap.

I honestly just feel like giving up because it’s starting to feel hopeless. Any little misunderstanding or tiny argument ends with him saying “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “I just can’t do this”. It can be over the stupidest thing. And now I feel like throwing the towel in because I’m starting to feel beaten up over it all. How do I avoid this from happening? How do I bring the spark to our relationship? That’s what I’m always trying to figure out.

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Speaking from experience, caps need time and space figure themselves out. It's hard to coop with because it appears to be ignorant and careless. You and most people rather try to communicate over, but not caps. They have hard time with their own failures and issues. Leave him for a bit, he will come back if you mean something to him. I know it's sucks but that's how thry work.

As long as your case is solid against him, he have to pull his tail off, caps need some reality check sometimes, can be very self absorbed and think high of themselves, while if you show they do something sucks they can't digest at once

i completely sympathize w/ what you’re going through, and i’m dealing w/ an eerily similar situation myself.. only difference is he’s a leo lol. sounds the same, we talked everyday at first, all day at that, and then around the beginning of november our communication pattern began to rapidly diminish.. after that we only really spoke when we saw each other which was once a week. i am completely understanding of the fact that he’s going through quite an emotional toll at the moment, but what i’m not understanding of is why he won’t tell me the best way to approach him during this rough time, or if i should even bother approaching him at all.. i tried to speak about it a few days ago as we were messaging back and forth, and he just didn’t respond when i asked what was bothering him and what i could do to help. i realized i only perceived the issue from one side, that of my own, so i asked him moreso for his own benefit. i told him i just wanted to better understand him and provide a communication pattern that suits him best right now, but he won’t even talk to me about it, so damned if i do damned if i don’t. all he told me was his head was in a different place and left it at that. i wanted to keep trying but now i don’t think i do anymore. there is nothing wrong w/ needing space to collect yourself emotionally/mentally, we all need to do so every once in a while, but at the very least communicate that to your loved ones out of respect if they ask, or reassure them that they aren’t the issue bc they’re just worried. mind you mercury is also in retrograde so this will put a strain on things...

Posted by pagingdrsatan
i completely sympathize w/ what you’re going through, and i’m dealing w/ an eerily similar situation myself.. only difference is he’s a leo lol. sounds the same, we talked everyday at first, all day at that, and then around the beginning of november our communication pattern began to rapidly diminish.. after that we only really spoke when we saw each other which was once a week. i am completely understanding of the fact that he’s going through quite an emotional toll at the moment, but what i’m not understanding of is why he won’t tell me the best way to approach him during this rough time, or if i should even bother approaching him at all.. i tried to speak about it a few days ago as we were messaging back and forth, and he just didn’t respond when i asked what was bothering him and what i could do to help. i realized i only perceived the issue from one side, that of my own, so i asked him moreso for his own benefit. i told him i just wanted to better understand him and provide a communication pattern that suits him best right now, but he won’t even talk to me about it, so damned if i do damned if i don’t. all he told me was his head was in a different place and left it at that. i wanted to keep trying but now i don’t think i do anymore. there is nothing wrong w/ needing space to collect yourself emotionally/mentally, we all need to do so every once in a while, but at the very least communicate that to your loved ones out of respect if they ask, or reassure them that they aren’t the issue bc they’re just worried. mind you mercury is also in retrograde so this will put a strain on things...

Ugh I’m so sorry you’re going through something similar. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Everyone is right though, taking space is probably the best thing to do at this point. And our relationship has been strained since September. Mercury in retrograde is just the icing on it.

Update: he texted me yesterday and told me he’s “sorry for being dramatic” and I replied later on with “hope everything is okay” and I, as expected, got nothing in return. So I’m still continuing with what I said yesterday.

I just wish I knew in what direction he and I are going in. It sucks to be like this during the holidays.

If anyone is interested in an update: I hadn’t talked to the Capricorn since his apology last week and had to contact him yesterday due to our dog (we got a puppy together in January) was sick and was informing him that I might take him to the vet. He didn’t seem to really care, but I called him and told him I’d give him keys if he wanted to go get our puppy (he really does love his dog so much) and spend some time with him while I’m at work and that he could pick up the artwork he left at home. We started talking and next thing you know, he’s angry once again and threatening to hang up on me for asking him how things were going. Well, he did end up hanging up on me after telling me he wants to forget me and that this relationship ever existed. I cried my eyes out and then after some texting, we agreed to talk when I got off of work. I called him after work and he never replied. I was angry. I was angry that someone was treating me this way after giving him two years. And so I texted him how disappointed I was and finally I received “I’m sorry alright”. Which is so half-assed. I texted him today asking him for closure and he ignored my texts. So it’s safe to say it’s over one and for all. I don’t see him ever coming back due to the way he treats me right now. I’m honestly devastated but it’s whatever. I’m also disappointed in myself for pining after someone who seriously just doesn’t care about me. I’ve never had this happen in a relationship and I just feel super bummed out.

Yes I do agree with you ^. I am focusing on myself as of right now and only talked to him because of the dog, he did text me a little ago to apologize for not responding and told me he’s going through a hard time and needs help. I don’t know I’m tired of the back and forth with him. I’m trying to be there but he won’t let me.

Last update: I texted Cappy last Thursday stating my closure after he refused to give it to me. So I gave it to myself. 8 hours later while I’m out, he texts me “sorry for not replying. I’m not in the best place in my life right now” I didn’t reply and he texted me again 30 minutes later with “I’m honestly on a dark path and I need therapy.” I texted him asking him what’s wrong and why won’t he tell me? No reply. I texted him the next morning with “I’m sorry if you’re hurting because of me and I’m sorry for any behavior that has caused you pain. I’m here if you need me and I’m going to leave you alone now. You can come to me if you want” he texted me hours later with “it’s not you I think. It’s me” (🙄) “i need a new life style , a new job” and I told him he’s capable of doing all of that and he never replied to me. I haven’t heard from him since and will not be reaching out first.

Y’all, why did he text me with this if I stated my closure? What’s the point of it when he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s honestly so messed up and now I feel bad even though I’m the one that’s kind of being treated like crap. I stated my closure so I could move on, yet he throws all this my way. I want to be with him, but not when he’s standing me up and ignoring me. I know I shouldn’t hold on and move on, it’s just hard.

Sorry guys I know this thread is going on forever!

Posted by RingsOfSaturn

Posted by cancergirrrl
Last update: I texted Cappy last Thursday stating my closure after he refused to give it to me. So I gave it to myself. 8 hours later while I’m out, he texts me “sorry for not replying. I’m not in the best place in my life right now” I didn’t reply and he texted me again 30 minutes later with “I’m honestly on a dark path and I need therapy.” I texted him asking him what’s wrong and why won’t he tell me? No reply. I texted him the next morning with “I’m sorry if you’re hurting because of me and I’m sorry for any behavior that has caused you pain. I’m here if you need me and I’m going to leave you alone now. You can come to me if you want” he texted me hours later with “it’s not you I think. It’s me” (🙄) “i need a new life style , a new job” and I told him he’s capable of doing all of that and he never replied to me. I haven’t heard from him since and will not be reaching out first.

Y’all, why did he text me with this if I stated my closure? What’s the point of it when he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s honestly so messed up and now I feel bad even though I’m the one that’s kind of being treated like crap. I stated my closure so I could move on, yet he throws all this my way. I want to be with him, but not when he’s standing me up and ignoring me. I know I shouldn’t hold on and move on, it’s just hard.

Sorry guys I know this thread is going on forever!

He feels bad for the way he treated you. He has problems. The caps default way of solving problems is to go at it alone. Don't want to inconvenience or burden friends unless necessary. He's giving you the go ahead to move on. So move on.

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I figured so. Just sucks that he ended our two year relationship in such an awful way. And that he won’t come pick up the remainder of his stuff from the house that we once shared. But he is the way he is and I have to let him be. Thank you.

Yeah I’m getting that y’all. So much easier said than done to move on ☹️. I just wish he would have left me alone after sending him my text stating I’m done and that this was my closure. He’s treated me pretty awful for these past few months so I don’t know why he thinks those texts would be necessary/what they would change. He went from telling me he enjoys me and my company and that I could be “that person” for him to, well, this. He told me how much he loved me and then up and left me a few days later. Completely heartbroken considering I love him so deeply. But there’s no reasoning and I guess this just wasn’t our time.

Thanks for everything, y’all.

Posted by cancergirrrl
Last update: I texted Cappy last Thursday stating my closure after he refused to give it to me. So I gave it to myself. 8 hours later while I’m out, he texts me “sorry for not replying. I’m not in the best place in my life right now” I didn’t reply and he texted me again 30 minutes later with “I’m honestly on a dark path and I need therapy.” I texted him asking him what’s wrong and why won’t he tell me? No reply. I texted him the next morning with “I’m sorry if you’re hurting because of me and I’m sorry for any behavior that has caused you pain. I’m here if you need me and I’m going to leave you alone now. You can come to me if you want” he texted me hours later with “it’s not you I think. It’s me” (🙄) “i need a new life style , a new job” and I told him he’s capable of doing all of that and he never replied to me. I haven’t heard from him since and will not be reaching out first.

Y’all, why did he text me with this if I stated my closure? What’s the point of it when he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s honestly so messed up and now I feel bad even though I’m the one that’s kind of being treated like crap. I stated my closure so I could move on, yet he throws all this my way. I want to be with him, but not when he’s standing me up and ignoring me. I know I shouldn’t hold on and move on, it’s just hard.

Sorry guys I know this thread is going on forever!

I dont think hes done with you, or something is holding him back from letting you go. Probably the two years you shared together.

Hes in a dark place and no matter what that person tells you, you should stick by them for their sake. Hes pushing you away, like the other person said he doesn't want to be a burden on you. Hes not asking you to fix him so please dont, dont even try that will annoy him even more. Just be there for him, listen to him. I think right now you are freaking out thinking he doesn't want you anymore and he doesn't want to be with you but those are your fears and you're quick to end it in hopes you can stop the hurting but you're making it worse. Just try to relax. I think you two will get through it.

Me and my cap have gone though a lot together and im quick to want to run too if i feel like im hurting but if anyone stays its him, just stick it out, if he didn't want to be apart of your life he wouldn't even tell you how hes feeling.

Posted by MoonshineLeo

Posted by cancergirrrl
Last update: I texted Cappy last Thursday stating my closure after he refused to give it to me. So I gave it to myself. 8 hours later while I’m out, he texts me “sorry for not replying. I’m not in the best place in my life right now” I didn’t reply and he texted me again 30 minutes later with “I’m honestly on a dark path and I need therapy.” I texted him asking him what’s wrong and why won’t he tell me? No reply. I texted him the next morning with “I’m sorry if you’re hurting because of me and I’m sorry for any behavior that has caused you pain. I’m here if you need me and I’m going to leave you alone now. You can come to me if you want” he texted me hours later with “it’s not you I think. It’s me” (🙄) “i need a new life style , a new job” and I told him he’s capable of doing all of that and he never replied to me. I haven’t heard from him since and will not be reaching out first.

Y’all, why did he text me with this if I stated my closure? What’s the point of it when he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s honestly so messed up and now I feel bad even though I’m the one that’s kind of being treated like crap. I stated my closure so I could move on, yet he throws all this my way. I want to be with him, but not when he’s standing me up and ignoring me. I know I shouldn’t hold on and move on, it’s just hard.

Sorry guys I know this thread is going on forever!

I dont think hes done with you, or something is holding him back from letting you go. Probably the two years you shared together.

Hes in a dark place and no matter what that person tells you, you should stick by them for their sake. Hes pushing you away, like the other person said he doesn't want to be a burden on you. Hes not asking you to fix him so please dont, dont even try that will annoy him even more. Just be there for him, listen to him. I think right now you are freaking out thinking he doesn't want you anymore and he doesn't want to be with you but those are your fears and you're quick to end it in hopes you can stop the hurting but you're making it worse. Just try to relax. I think you two will get through it.

Me and my cap have gone though a lot together and im quick to want to run too if i feel like im hurting but if anyone stays its him, just stick it out, if he didn't want to be apart of your life he wouldn't even tell you how hes feeling.

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Ugh I really want to believe you, trust me. But he’s flaked on me, not answered calls/texts, and has literally told me he doesn’t want to be with me.I think that’s pretty clear. He always apologizes after but damage is definitely done 😕. I know he’s going through some hard stuff, he clearly has a drinking problem, and I want to be there for him but he won’t allow me to in any way. Yeah I thought him texting me that he needs help was strange and I do like that he felt that he could tell me those things because I know he wouldn’t ever tell anyone else those things ever, but I am hurting from how badly he pushes me away. He never used to be this way until September. He changed dramatically. I’ll love him from afar, and if he needs me, he can come get me but that’s all I can do. Hopefully he comes to his senses, but regardless, I can’t be with this version of him.

Posted by miriyahhh
If he left his stuff there he will be back he never left out he would've gotten his things. He will be back. It's Gonna be up to you too decide whether or not you want him

I just feel like he’s so done that he doesn’t care about his remaining stuff to be honest. I’m just kind of shocked he was able to just up and leave and then never check on me or the dogs (one that we got together). But he’s definitely showing his true colors.