@Andalusia
12 Years5,000+ Posts
"I don't like getting close to people"
Understanding Your Hesitation to Get Close to Others
Feeling reluctant to form close connections can stem from personal boundaries or past experiences. It may also relate to your zodiac sign or planetary influences that influence social comfort. Exploring these factors can help you understand your feelings and build healthier relationships over time.
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It usually means they don't like opening up to people maybe because they're vulnerable and fear getting hurt or is just super reserved. If someone says that after opening up to you, it means you've been some kind of exception to them aka go and plant a kiss on him!
He's probably grown up in a not so excellent family environment, same as me. We dont feel secure with people & u need to gain their trust a lot for these people to open up. He's just self protective probablyb but i know there are rare cases where people chooses to be a loner.
I'd like to caution you to not overthink this and to take it as a pre-emptive statement...take it at face value (you know..how us virgos would like other signs to take our statements the same way)
This is his way of opening up. He's showing vulnerability. It's a warning though that if you push for more right now, the door will slam shut.
This is a good sign.
I'd say - a confession of insecurity/vulnerability with a disclaimer of what to expect for future interactions. Maybe even a plea to try to get you to help him open up and to let him trust you a bit? Haha, I don't know, I'm just pulling this all out of my ass. It's probably a rather irrelevant statement and you will get more answers by being around him and getting to know him.
Thank you all for the perspectives.
Delphi, I think you're right and I am overthrowing it, lol.
Posted by FrenchKpricorn
chappy chap gonna maybe do one wiz u
?
Posted by MlleFisk
a challenge...
You!
Posted by Andalusia
A confession?A warning?
A disclaimer?
The Cap chap I've been talking to told me that the other day after opening up a bit about himself, and honestly, idk. I don't really know how to interprete him. Which is weird, considering he's the most like me out of most people I've known.
It's a warning of some defect in his ability to be intimate.
It could also be a complement if he's already started opening up. But beware, opening up is not the same thing as getting close. I still see it as a warning flag and would question his ability to get close.
Posted by MlleFisk
a challenge...You!
click to expandHe lives! HI!
I can't send you messages!
Cap I was previously getting to know said something very similar, and also gave me the "advisory" that he isn't emotional/expressive and probably would not ever be. I took that as my cue to fly the coop. That's not a challenge, that's setting myself up for heartache down the road.
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..
Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
What happens if he brings up a topic that was mentioned before in those deleted text messages?
click to expand
I have a pretty good memory. And we (currently) talk pretty frequently, so anything he may or may not bring up will likely be somewhat fresh on the brain.
For anything else, I can just plead forgetfulness, lol.
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
that's actually genius. i wish I had done that in the past.
click to expand
Me too.
The downside to this is that I now have his number memorized :/
^"me too", meaning I wish I had done this in the past. Not that I wish you had.
It's code for "don't waste your time"
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
You sound like you expect things to end.
Maybe I'm the one with intimacy issues, not him.
He has been distant and pretty non-communicative for the past week or so though.
I.don't have a good feeling about this :/
Posted by Andalusia
Confession - I don't have his # saved in my phone and I delete all our texts at the end of every night, so that when/if I stop hearing from him, I won't be able to go back thru and re-read everything and over analyze what I said or did wrong..Is that crazy? Or just kind of insecure?
What happens if he brings up a topic that was mentioned before in those deleted text messages?
I have a pretty good memory. And we (currently) talk pretty frequently, so anything he may or may not bring up will likely be somewhat fresh on the brain.
For anything else, I can just plead forgetfulness, lol.
lol but if you don't have his contact, then is it just him that is initiating contact? How would he know if you are still interested or not if you never initiate and only reply?
click to expand
I know his #. I just physically type it all out when I text him instead if pulling it up thru my contacts list.
And he knows I like him. I've told him recently that I do. After that he seemed more at ease and open with me.
But then he made that comment about how he doesn't like to get close to people. Since then we've gone from communicating everyday, to me initiating and him being unresponsive or responding with short answers for the past several days.
Posted by elllesque
well, if you ever need to be bailed out of jail....you have someone's number memorized 😄
Oh, there are several numbers rattling around up there, lol. My memory is a curse sometimes..
Posted by Andalusia
And he knows I like him. I've told him recently that I do. After that he seemed more at ease and open with me.But then he made that comment about how he doesn't like to get close to people. Since then we've gone from communicating everyday, to me initiating and him being unresponsive or responding with short answers for the past several days.
I hope him telling you that he didn't like getting close to people wasn't a way to breaking things off; letting you down easy, so to speak.
We weren't technically dating though so there wouldn't really be a need to break things off.
Well, looks like I misread the situation. 😢 I told him about the deleting text messages thing and got this response:
I dont know that you texting me is of the best interest. If you truly delete our conversations in fear of your sub conscious causing anxiety based on what you say aloud, or via text, then i dont want to be the cause. You text me alot and it's just not of my need. I think you're grand, but I cant give you the attention that you give me. I'm attracted to you and I like hanging out with you, but my alone time is more precious then anything really.
Posted by Andalusia
Well, looks like I misread the situation. 😢 I told him about the deleting text messages thing and got this response:I dont know that you texting me is of the best interest. If you truly delete our conversations in fear of your sub conscious causing anxiety based on what you say aloud, or via text, then i dont want to be the cause. You text me alot and it's just not of my need. I think you're grand, but I cant give you the attention that you give me. I'm attracted to you and I like hanging out with you, but my alone time is more precious then anything really.
Sounds like something I'd say honestly.
click to expand
Yes. To someone you weren't interested in though. Hence why I misread the situation. 😢
To me, it sounds like he doesn't even really want to be friends though. More like acquaintances.
Regardless, this was my response:
I just think you're worth trying to get to know. But I realize there's more to it on my side and that it's likely a bit awkward for you. it's selfish of me to put you in that situation. For that, I apologize. And thank you, for your honesty. As much as it saddens me, I obviously needed to hear it. 🙂 You are a gentleman. Which is rare. That sounds cheesy, but it's true. IMO at least.
Posted by elllesque
*hugs*Just make sure you remember *that* conversation because I would be willing to bet there will be contradictory ones to follow.
Thanks for the hugs, elle's bells 🙂
Happy.birthday btw!
Posted by elllesque
*hugs*Just make sure you remember *that* conversation because I would be willing to bet there will be contradictory ones to follow.
Question. What precisely did you mean by the above?
Are they known for pulling some shit? Cause I don't want to sign up for that.
Posted by cheekyfaerie
Well, damn... I thought he was interested too. Sounds like he just wants a hang and bang. Sorry, melly. •
There was no banging though!
Lord. I know I shouldn't. That being said, he'll probably resurface a year or two from now and I'll forget and buy what he's selling, lol (but not really lol).
That being said, cap board - was my response to him appropriate? Too much?
I was coming in to say warning! Dang
When a Cap tells you something like this, especially early on...listen!! There is NO pushing through it. Its like thats the default setting inside of him, and it will cause you pain in the longrun for even trying.
Its a way of saying he's not even willing to get close.
If he even hints at trying to come back or get close, dont do it. He is simply not capable of a healthy long term anything at the moment.
Thanks ladies. You all are lovely 🙂
He has aqua placements by any chance?
I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.
Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.
Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
And I'm fine with persevering, being patient, taking time to get to know someone, etc. I'm fine moving slowly as long as it's moving forward. But I refuse to chase or pursue or force or otherwise try to go where I'm not wanted.
Which is what I took his statement to mean.. a polite way ofor telling me "thanks, but no thanks."
Posted by elllesque
I know my mercury is in crap....so, if that was confusing....sorry!lol at merc in crap 😄
We compartmentalize people, yes. He's come out and said he's not interested in the more stuff, but he'll prolly still try to keep you around for itches and whims. Do as you wish, but never expect more to come of it.
the compartmentalizing is the hardest for me to wrap my head around, tbh. especially when it comes to relationships. but being a scorpio....I can understand why I have such a problem understanding. I am in or I am out...and I won't be in a relationship (or even entertain one) if I'm not all in.
After some experience, I've now realised I have to ask things very clearly as early as possible. Some cap men even compartmentalize with "short term" and "long term" relationships and if you weren't placed in the potential "long term" drawer in the beginning of a relationship......they never had an intention to be with you longer than what they had made up in their mind originally. It's like a timer goes off...."times up!"...and then you are done....."Next!"
strange beings some of you are 😄
click to expand
i have this with my cap mercury.
this really happened, the other day, one of my male cousins complained to me that i "compartmentize" and it irritated him! He has a Sag mercury. Weirdly, my husband who has sag mercury doesn't complain at all. But for him it is annoying, and he has libra mars and sag venus. Could be too much sag? or the libra square cap.
and i told him, i can't help it!!! it's who i am, He's more "freer" with his words and his mind is more "open" about stuff.
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.
Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.
Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
click to expand
Wow! That's the purest form of Capricorn!! I didn't know one can have alll those key planets in one sign.
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
And I'm fine with persevering, being patient, taking time to get to know someone, etc. I'm fine moving slowly as long as it's moving forward. But I refuse to chase or pursue or force or otherwise try to go where I'm not wanted.
Which is what I took his statement to mean.. a polite way ofor telling me "thanks, but no thanks."
click to expand
Yeah, that's not what he meant. Perseverance it is then 🙂
Posted by aquarius09
He has aqua placements by any chance?I say that and it's said to someone who I know is trying to get close to me and I do approve of them trying to get close. It's said as a disclaimer and a confession, all in one. It's my way of saying that you're going to have a difficult time getting close with me so you better have the capacity to persevere and be patient.
There's multitude of reasons why one is that way. I am like that because of soem childhood experiences. I was in group friendships and if I got in a conflict with the ring leader over something I didn't like, because I was no follower, the ring leader would banish me. I went from having a bunch of friends, because it was a group friendship, to no friends. There were days I spent recess alone in the corner. When the ring leader was away, my friends would talk to me but their cowardice repulsed me. This happened to me when I was 6 yrs old and then again when i was 10 years old. When it happened again at the age of 10, that's when I decided to be a drifter which essentially means that I didn't enter into group friendships and I always kept a certain level of detachment in all mly friendships so that if I ever have to dissolve the friendship, I won't get hurt. I maintain friendships with people on an individual level like one-on-one basis. Even if two friends are connected, I meet up with them individually. I"m like that in any relationship minus family.
No.aqua placements. Pretty much all Capricorn.
Sun, moon, mercury, Venus and Mars all in Cap.
Can't be certain of his time of birth, but I'm 90% sure he has Virgo rising, in one of the later degrees, making all placements in the 4th house.
Wow! That's the purest form of Capricorn!! I didn't know one can have alll those key planets in one sign.
click to expand
is it all in the 10th house?
No, in the 4th house I believe.
Posted by Andalusia
No, in the 4th house I believe.don't let this lessen your view on caps though......he is one of many. I know a handful of cap in venus who are quite lovely and do not play these games at all. they are very serious upon entering relationships (almost too much...lol).
it has a lot to do with past relationship history, upbrining, environment and how his energies are nurtured.....and then how he chooses to manifest them.
click to expand
I.don't think less of him. I truly do believe he is a gentleman. I think he probably *is* serious about relationships. We weren't in one; but I thought we both liked each other and it was heading that direction. Hence the sadness at his recent remarks.
I've dated guys before that have full out committed to being exclusive and went on and on about me and us and the future and this and that blah blah bah, only to pull this shit soon afterwards. Which is what I cannot stand - the lying (as I see it). Or the wanting a greater level of commitment and/or intimacy from me than they themselves are willing to give, so instead they give me lip service.
I can honestly say he's never done that. He's never - that I'm aware of - lead me on with his words and such.
That being said, I don't want to sign up for the hot/cold tap handle dance with the Cap chap either. Lol.
Awwh, thanks elle's bells!! 😄
Well ain't this some shit... he invited me to spend part of Thanksgiving with him and his roommates.
Lolol, no.
He made me a drink, we all watched TV and then I went home.
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A confession?
A warning?
A disclaimer?
The Cap chap I've been talking to told me that the other day after opening up a bit about himself, and honestly, idk. I don't really know how to interprete him. Which is weird, considering he's the most like me out of most people I've known.