Need some advice or a slap in my face

I found out that the cap i am living with is on whattsapp every 10 minutes and i don't trust this.. He didn't do it before just recently. Whenever i am not around at home, he is on whattsapp. How do i know that? I normally check his status on whattsapp to find out if he is coming home from work. To start diner. I know he always reads his messages in the car. 3 days ago i wanted to send him a message true whattsapp and saw he was online. I knew he was at work and had to do a lot. I found it strange and checked again after 10 minutes and again and again ....and saw he was almost always " online" or " " just read 2 minutes ago".

I didn't told him anything because i found it was stupid in the first place to even checking this.

But today, i checked again, same thing as yesterday, all day....

Changes? Well i don't know since he is usually standoffisch, he works a lot at the moment....

Don't know what i could/should do:

1. should i tell him? although i know upfront that he will not be pleased . He will be disappointed in me for checking.

2. do nothing and try not to stress out

3.Other option

I should say that my cap has venus and mars in aqua. When we got together, i thought he was single. But when we both said that we would go true with our relationship, he said: " i have some unfinisched business i have to end and he counted out loud 1, 2, 3....

He had a girl who he was with for 1.5 years. At the same time he had another girl the past 6 months and another the past 4 months.

I told him then : " how will i know you won't do that with me?" His answer was " that wasn't love i had with them".

Hope you can help me out and give me the advice or the slap....

Posted by ElleDuMonde
it would be funny if you were checking to see if he was online at the same time he was checking to see if you were online.....and both wondering why the other was on whatsapp all day long ......

and find out that it was because you were checking up on each other. 😆

I think you are overreacting a bit.

i reaaaally hope i am overreacting. That's why i didn't tell him already. I know as a cancer i don't trust easily but something inside me says something isn't wright.....

My fellow moon in scorpio, just ask. It will drive you crazy.

Or even better send him a message on whats app asking some light hearted stuff.

However, trust was an issue from day one so your stuck in your own cycle of mistrust.

You knew the risk and you still went for it.

Either ignore or deal with your trust issues

Judging by what you have written, now and before about this guy, I gotta ask: If you asked him, do you think you would get an actual answer? If you think you would, then I agree with the others and suggest you ask, but if you feel you wouldn't get any info from asking him anyway, I would probably talk to him in more general terms, seeing if I would be able to get more info that way instead.

It may indeed look suspicious, but you really don't know, so I say, until you have a lot more info in that direction, give him the benefit of a doubt.

Good luck!🙂

Reported ashley222's message.

smh

Could he be using Whatsapp for work or with family/friends that's out of town?

What does he work as? I am on whatsapp all the time because of work.....

Linda,

I've read many of your previous posts and know that your relationship with this man has been degrading over time. Honestly, I'm sorry because I know how much you love him.

This being said, I think you have to realize that there have been huge red flags going up with this Cap man over the course of the past year, if my memory serves me right. I really think that you have no option, but to confront him and if he's not forthcoming, you need to consider letting him go.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Could he be using Whatsapp for work or with family/friends that's out of town?

surrreeeee he's chatting with mom *INSERT EPIC EYE ROLL"

Lol, Kitten.

I have a friend that does, but his mom is in another country.

I have a bunch of friends that whatsapp me instead of texting and they are local. I don't get it tbh.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
your moon is in scorpio, right?

you need to ask him.

if you don't ask him...this is going to fester and turn into something much bigger than what it is.

Yes my moon in scorpio. That's why i didn't want to tell him anything but i couldn't get it out of my mind and probably make it worse because of that.

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by Lindaaaatje

Posted by ElleDuMonde
it would be funny if you were checking to see if he was online at the same time he was checking to see if you were online.....and both wondering why the other was on whatsapp all day long ......

and find out that it was because you were checking up on each other. 😆

I think you are overreacting a bit.

i reaaaally hope i am overreacting. That's why i didn't tell him already. I know as a cancer i don't trust easily but something inside me says something isn't wright.....

I didn't know how to comment based on your 1st post. If you feel something isn't right, my only suggestion is listen to your intuition.

If you discuss it with him, just make sure you address it the right way rather than in a confrontational way

click to expand

One can't always rely on intuition. Sometimes its wrong to follow it. That's why i hate being like that. With all those feelings all the time. Not always good.... Its better if i can look at it as a cap, logically

Posted by busyeyes88
PS. I'll give you a slap in the face...

Thx, maybe i needed that :-)

Posted by Lindaaaatje

Posted by busyeyes88
PS. I'll give you a slap in the face...

Thx, maybe i needed that :-)

click to expand

Awww no I'll just give you a hug

as far as your post is concern i agree there was a red flag even when you both just started the relationship when you came to know that he is a serial cheater. I feel that is the biggest reason why you are feeling this way today. As far as whatsapp is concerned it could be as bad as he is cheating again or it could be nOtHing

One thing i can think of right now is that maybe he is now a part of any group in whatsapp (friends/family/colleagues ) group notifications forces a person to open whatsapp every other minute. Sometimes this happens with me as well and I am online all the time but I am not cheating on my partner. You see

So this could be anything but please address the root of your insecurities and fears.

You two have been together for a long time right with a family?..

When you know someone well, you get used to their energy, presence, the way he is, a pattern... so has it changed at all, is he different in any way?... does he still do sweet things? Caps when happy and inlove treat their S.O like a princess/queen.

If I were you and you decide to confront him, don't be brash about telling him how you feel, accusatory bcuz you'll only push him away. It needs to be addressed though. All I can say is, you shouldn't be feeling this way in a loving relationship with someone. He should be treating you like a princess, that's how Caps are.

There shouldn't be a reason why he's on there ALL DAY AT WORK, there's text, there's the phone he can use, im always on the phone with business dealings...what's with this what's app bs.

Posted by Greentea
You two have been together for a long time right with a family?..

When you know someone well, you get used to their energy, presence, the way he is, a pattern... so has it changed at all, is he different in any way?... does he still do sweet things? Caps when happy and inlove treat their S.O like a princess/queen.

If I were you and you decide to confront him, don't be brash about telling him how you feel, accusatory bcuz you'll only push him away. It needs to be addressed though. All I can say is, you shouldn't be feeling this way in a loving relationship with someone. He should be treating you like a princess, that's how Caps are.

There shouldn't be a reason why he's on there ALL DAY AT WORK, there's text, there's the phone he can use, im always on the phone with business dealings...what's with this what's app bs.

I don't have to be treated like a princess. I just don't want to be a doormat.

I've talked to him. I didn't wanted to tell him i've checked him on whattsapp. Just told him that he was always on his phone and that i felt like something was wrong in our relationship. Asked him if their was someone else.

He was upset with my questions and said " that the grass wasn't greener somewhere else ". I asked him " can you relate why i am asking you this? Because in the beginning of our relationship, you had 3 women at the same time. How can i know if that's not the case now?" He said that he was SINGLE at the time and was free to do whatever he wanted. He felt he wasn't in a relationship". I asked him if he would tell me if he didn't wanted to continue with me. He said yes i would.

After the talk , i still felt like he didn't reassured me that there was nothing going on. He still kept texting alot. Took off early to work and immediately started whattsapp.

But one thing he did was telling me " RED FLAG". He kept his phone by his side all the time. Even when we go to sleep he took it with him. He didn't do that before....

I had to find a way to check things without him knowing.

I created a fake account on different dating sites. And checked if he was on here....

Ohhhhh yes......founded. Recently online, numerous pictures of all his stuff and belongings. Female friends with profile pictures that says it all, you know the kind. All asian or russian.. I did know he likes that kind off women, not for love but to use them for sex.

I was furious at the time i saw it and took off to go for a drive . He wasn't home at the time. He passed me on the road and called me immediately. Why i didn't raised my hand to wave at him?

I said " you know why. I am not enough that you have to talk to other women? "

I haven't got time now, but I have the urge to PM ya. I'll message you later- went thru almost the exact same thing with my cappy man.

Just keep in mind that everything will really be okay. It's going to be fine and things might get tough, but it will work out for you in the end- with or without him my sweet 🙂

He kept silent. I've called him some F $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ words . Then he said " come home" and i said no and put down the phone.

I've stayed away all afternone to calm down. Started to text with him:

me: i am worth nothing to you?

him: you are worth a lot. I have a problem and i am trying to fix it. You can't understand how it's like for me not to have the lust/ wanting to have sex

me: if you would be single, it would come back. I am not saying it as a joke. That's who you are.

him: no , i want you. you have a gorgeous body. i've always wanted sex, single or in a relationship. You are always into sex. Great for a guy, now sad for me.

( i've talked about it in another threat that he had a low sexdrive and i couldn't understand why. It started in december 2015. I asked him several times then if i was not the problem. That he was tired of me. He always assured me that was not the case. He eventually went to a docter for a bloodtest but everything was ok.

I got home last night. he was friendly asked if i wanted an icecream (—) He was quiet. in a difeted kind of way. ( yeh, he got trapped)

He wanted to kiss me goodnight on the lips but i showed him my cheek and said goodnight.

Now what.....

Should i wait until he starts a conversation about it? Or should i initiate it?

He have some explanation to do so i guess it up to him.

Regardless of who initiates communication - this is just the beginning.

Keep your chin up x

Posted by ElleDuMonde
it would be funny if you were checking to see if he was online at the same time he was checking to see if you were online.....and both wondering why the other was on whatsapp all day long ......

Well If that's the case then there is a way to confirm it. Op when you find him online you can try sending him a message and if it gets the blue tick immediately after delivery then it means he was checKing to see if you were online but I don't think that's the case. The matter seems much more complex than this.

***hugz*** i think u should do what feels right by u

He got home from work at noon and gave me a present ( it's my birthday today). " here hunny for you".

I got some expensive juwelery ( WTF) by swarovski. I thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and didn't look at the present no more. He just went off to work and tried to kiss me on the lips. I showed him my cheek and he said " Are we finished?" ( meaning is the relationship over since he didn't get the kiss). I responded by saying " we have to talk first". He was upset (————?) and took off to work. Just venting now....

Posted by Jalent99
***hugz*** i think u should do what feels right by u

Don't know how i feel. I've friendzoned him for the moment....

Posted by Lindaaaatje

Posted by Jalent99
***hugz*** i think u should do what feels right by u

Don't know how i feel. I've friendzoned him for the moment....

click to expand

Take your time to sort through what u want! Investing more in him might be a reward or future heartbreak so dont rush in. But do tell him how u feel abt it and leave it there.....Caps are good at analyzing, they would know what to do if they intend for things to happen a certain way

What, no slaps?

Leaving it all up to me.

Seriously though now after reading the thread... he just sounds like trouble, from the start.

I hope you find the strength to do what you have to to stay sane. Breaking up is hard but you've learned lessons from this one and you're not weak for loving someone even if they are bad news.

These guys always say they will change, they are trying to change, but they can't. If you don't trust them and your gut is telling you RED FLAGS, you will only beat yourself up later for not listening to them and letting him go sooner.

Don't drag yourself through the mud.

He was cheating on 4 women...including you and now you are shocked!??

when will people learn...once a cheater, always a cheater!

*slap*

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by fugu2
when will people learn...once a cheater, always a cheater!

*slap*

False

click to expand

It's usually true, esp if it was relatively recently, & most definitely if he isn't even remorseful about it. only making excuses about it not being "real love".

Posted by Foreverloveme
Happy birthday...sorry all this is happening when it is, bad timing

Thx!

Posted by ElleDuMonde
This is a man who obviously has issue with monogamy.

That is a fact and that is not going to change.

You have two options -

1. Accept that and work around it in your relationship

2. End it and move on

There aren't really any more options or much of anything else to talk about.

He never cheated in his former relationships. I am giving him the benefits of the douth for the moment but friendzoned him. I try not to think into the future and go day by day.

Posted by Caplove
He sounds selfish to me. He's off finding Nemo and you're stressing about the relationship. This is all about him. In addition, he's trying to make you feel sorry (have compassion/sympathy) for his low sex drive and his mental state. It's possible he wants to get you to yield to what he's doing or give him more credit than he deserves if you decide to forgive him.

Yeh i know he is selfish. But how do i know if he went on those sites to solve his problem or to cheat on me? He really does have a problem and we talked about it. I guess i wanted to hear in this threat that other caps/aqua males would solve that sort off problems the same way?

And i don't give him credits. As i said before , i am not a doormat and intelligent enough. I think its my nature to try and help people?

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by Lindaaaatje

Posted by Jalent99
***hugz*** i think u should do what feels right by u

Don't know how i feel. I've friendzoned him for the moment....

How can you "friendzone" someone you 1) live with and 2) have a relationship with and 3) as already pointed out, you KNEW what he was BEFORE you got with him and you still took a chance.. So this should be no surprise to you.

click to expand

He never cheated someone when in a relationship or in marriage. He went through 2 difficult relationships were in the first relationship he stayed for 10 years with a women ( virgo) who cheated on him all the time. The second relationship he had was with a women who had mutiple depressions , suicite attempts and stayed in mental hospitals several times during their 8 year relationship. I am not surching for an excuse to what is happening now but just to point out that he isn't a cheater. Yes he had 3 other women when we met, i didn't know it at the start but he told me when we said we would go through with our relationship. I see that behavior as a rebound for all the shit he went through during those years?

Yes, i've friendzoned him. We're like roommates , no kissing, no hugging ect. and just doing our thing. I am not 20 anymore but 51. And yes i don't have to take crap from anyone. Just wanted to hear other opinions.

Posted by Lindaaaatje
He kept silent. I've called him some F $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ words . Then he said " come home" and i said no and put down the phone.

I've stayed away all afternone to calm down. Started to text with him:

me: i am worth nothing to you?

him: you are worth a lot. I have a problem and i am trying to fix it. You can't understand how it's like for me not to have the lust/ wanting to have sex

me: if you would be single, it would come back. I am not saying it as a joke. That's who you are.

him: no , i want you. you have a gorgeous body. i've always wanted sex, single or in a relationship. You are always into sex. Great for a guy, now sad for me.

( i've talked about it in another threat that he had a low sexdrive and i couldn't understand why. It started in december 2015. I asked him several times then if i was not the problem. That he was tired of me. He always assured me that was not the case. He eventually went to a docter for a bloodtest but everything was ok.

I got home last night. he was friendly asked if i wanted an icecream (—) He was quiet. in a difeted kind of way. ( yeh, he got trapped)

He wanted to kiss me goodnight on the lips but i showed him my cheek and said goodnight.

Now what.....

Should i wait until he starts a conversation about it? Or should i initiate it?

He have some explanation to do so i guess it up to him.

Man, I would have fuked him up some how and left him. He just got caught sneaking back into his old ways, that's all the explanating you need.

If this was the other way around, he'd be having none of it.

Please help yourself, and not him, this sounds toxic.

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Linda,

I've read many of your previous posts and know that your relationship with this man has been degrading over time. Honestly, I'm sorry because I know how much you love him.

This being said, I think you have to realize that there have been huge red flags going up with this Cap man over the course of the past year, if my memory serves me right. I really think that you have no option, but to confront him and if he's not forthcoming, you need to consider letting him go.

Bumping my own comment because I think you either didn't see it or completely ignored it.

Also, as ElleduMonde said, this man has a problem with monogmy.

PERIOD.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
The information you know about his past relationships is a red flag unto itself.

Be aware of those men that talk horribly about their exes and demonizes them. You don't know her side of the story. He is painting himself as the victim.

Emotionally healthy and intelligent people take responsibility for their past decisions while not throwing past partners under the bus by disclosing only the ex partner's faults while not mentioning any of their own.

She cheated on me over and over!

She threatened suicide and was institutionalized!

I have no idea why these women were bat shit crazy...I am a perfect saint!

He obviously cannot take accountability or responsibility for his own actions.

You have everything perfectly laid out for you and you still can't see anything of value.

Am i that blindly in love with him that i don't want to see it? You all are right. Maybe you think i am a weak women, you are wrong. And i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Deep down i know i should leave. I don't want him to "use" me anymore. But i know myself and i know if i care/love someone i am not the person to give up easily. So yes i do need a slap in my face to wake myself up and see clearer. I am looking for a place to stay for the season since my twoo children are with me the hole month of august.

Posted by SpiceNSugar

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Linda,

I've read many of your previous posts and know that your relationship with this man has been degrading over time. Honestly, I'm sorry because I know how much you love him.

This being said, I think you have to realize that there have been huge red flags going up with this Cap man over the course of the past year, if my memory serves me right. I really think that you have no option, but to confront him and if he's not forthcoming, you need to consider letting him go.

Bumping my own comment because I think you either didn't see it or completely ignored it.

Also, as ElleduMonde said, this man has a problem with monogmy.

PERIOD.

click to expand

no i didn't see it . And you are right, i should leave. I just have to prepare myself mentally to actualy do it.

Posted by Foreverloveme
What makes you want to stay?

Compare to what you see & found....then make a choice.

Imo dating sited are different than say porn....

And I understand you wanting to help him but that's not your battle to fight he has to want the help for himself first

Why? Me loving him that much? I don't know if he loves me as much as i do, you never know with a cap/aqua.

Why do you say that dating sites are different than porn sites? He hates porn . He has sex with his mind i think and need some ego booster to feel good about himself?

Its actually in your stars......cancer sun are the most family oriented sign, they will not give up on "family".....

Then your venus in libra is ruled by venus and love means a lot to u, u tend to be kind in love thus forgiving as well. But u will be unhappy in an imbalance r/s and when u had enough, u will snap out......

Posted by Lindaaaatje

Posted by SpiceNSugar

Posted by SpiceNSugar
Linda,

I've read many of your previous posts and know that your relationship with this man has been degrading over time. Honestly, I'm sorry because I know how much you love him.

This being said, I think you have to realize that there have been huge red flags going up with this Cap man over the course of the past year, if my memory serves me right. I really think that you have no option, but to confront him and if he's not forthcoming, you need to consider letting him go.

Bumping my own comment because I think you either didn't see it or completely ignored it.

Also, as ElleduMonde said, this man has a problem with monogmy.

PERIOD.

no i didn't see it . And you are right, i should leave. I just have to prepare myself mentally to actualy do it.

click to expand

I totally understand. It's no easy task. Stay strong!!

I finaly left him today....

After my last quote here, i kept checking on him. After he knew that i had whattsapp, he wasn't talking much on that app after that.

After a few weeks, i looked if he had other chatprog. And yes he had, viber. He wasn't online much. But last week he was. When he was at work he was online from 8 till 12 am until he got home. Same today....

Last week , i confronted him with several profiles on hi5. ( i took a screenshot and let him look at it). He said he never saw that side. Talked about he USED to have tagged. I said yes that used to be tagged, now it changed to hi5. 2 of the profiles were created this summer with pictures i have never seen ( selfies). He said he didn't created those profiles. He said: that must have been facebook because he uses facebook to log into other sides. But he didn't created those files and didn't knew where that picture came from. He said maybe that picture was on facebook and it outomatically come into hi5 profile. I said : " no it can't because that picture isn't on your facebook". He coulded explain where it came from.

i still love him though but i can't cope with the lying , witholding the truth or secret behavior anymore. If he would have admitted all those things, i could have forgave him. But even until now, he said all of that isn't true....

🤗

I keep posting here if there is anything new to say. Maybe i can help someone else who need some info on venus/mars in aqua men.

I don't know if they are all the same, don't think so.

I don't hate him , i feel sorry for him

He texted me " you were the one that got away 30 years ago". i have never forgotten you. That's why i wanted to try again when i met you 2 years ago. I was glad i've found you again. I regained my inner peace since we've been reunited. Now i have stress again...

I know this is really hard for you Linda but you did the right thing!!

You did great to confront him like that because you let him see that you are a smart and strong woman and that he is the one who was cornered. He had that coming to him for a LONG time now and deserved every bit of it!

Stay strong and know you did well! Here's wishing you bigger, better and brighter things in the future!!

Posted by SpiceNSugar
I know this is really hard for you Linda but you did the right thing!!

You did great to confront him like that because you let him see that you are a smart and strong woman and that he is the one who was cornered. He had that coming to him for a LONG time now and deserved every bit of it!

Stay strong and know you did well! Here's wishing you bigger, better and brighter things in the future!!

Thx , doesn't feel like i did the right thing. But my head says yes you did....