Over yet it never happened.. feeling so pissed, cap trying to make me feel like i am crazy

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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
Guys unbelievable must share/ vent my anger at this cappie guy. We know each other for few months and are chats have intensified in last few weeks, spending time together sharing private info, he taking me for coffee (even when super busy at work), makes plans for us to go places in future, even picked my birthday present. Start calling me baby last week and getting touchy - feely, banter, flirting etc so I think this guy is interested 100% . Especially when he volunteers info that he is single and also that he is looking for something deep...

Then tonight after we had great day out and went for drinks again we chat all cosy and then convo got onto relationships and mixed message...so he kind of made me tell him that i like him. Now to my absolute shock he told me that that must be some confusion as he only likes me as friend and has NO IDEA why would i think he likes me more then that. You guys can imagine the double slap in the face. Rejection ok i can process it somehow but to be made feel that I am crazy and saw something somewhere where it wasnt really pissed me off.

I am not arrogant, over-confident or desperate so I am either completely bonkers or he DID send those signals. When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun. Like he doesnt know when we fall we fall and I cant imagine pretend like my feelings never existed.

Now my question to all cappie men or women (even if you dont have 100% all info) is this normal cap guy behavior or is all the above just my delusion of his expression of romantic interest?

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justlikeheaven
@justlikeheaven
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 117 · Topics: 7
Well,I've been through this with a cap man (I'm a cap woman) but (unlike you) I took it way too far.What can I tell you is that you should take his words seriously,even if you sense that it could be something more,or that is afraid of showing vulnerability,or that is shy,or not ready yet...and other X possible reasons,because,like in my case,this "friends with a lot of mixed signs" could go on forever,and you don't want to waste precious time .And don't invest emotionally in this "friendship",what I mean is don't let hope grow on this.I may seem pessimistic and I really don't want to,but your thread hit me with "When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun"...exactly the same words my cap said to me 2 months into dating.If you're in for something more you should tell him,if he'll want the same thing then wonderful,if not,then let him go.

Now I'm curious,what are his placements?And yours?
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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
Thanks all for the support, I just feel so crap because we caps take time to develop feelings and we are so careful with our heart so this was hit I was really not ready for.

I think what is the worst part that he wants me to believe it was all in my head but I re-read the chats and replayed the conversations and "dates" and I know in my sane mind that I did not invented it.

Could I be just friends and keep doing fun stuff as per his suggestion? Of course not and I dont think he deserve my time or energy if he cannot act grown up and admit that he has changed his mind or not ready or whatever.



@justlikeheaven i dont know his placement 6jan1986 i think.
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justlikeheaven
@justlikeheaven
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 117 · Topics: 7
He might not be a bad guy and those stupid reasons like he is afraid of showing vulnerability , being scared of things going too fast, or not working out in the end, or he doesn't feel ready for the responsability that a relationship require...could be real issues.But you shouldn't stay and found out.My cap usually felt alone and I've seen how much he's afraid of showing vulnerability but in the same time he craves affection.And I was there,in front of him,willing to give him everything...but in the end you can't save people,they have to save themselves.

We,capricorns,are idealists at heart,even if rationally we know that nothing and no one is perfect.We dream about things taking place in a certain way,at a certain time.When things don't happen like we planned in our heads we freak out,because we realize that we don't have control (I don't like to recognize,but I'm a control freak).That's the thing with your cap and mine,and sometimes we are like them too,in the past maybe someone looked at us and thought that we confuse them,that we're wierd,and a bit selfish.When my ex (a gemini) came into my life he was so confident about us and about the fact that he wants me and a relationship with me..it scared me.Like I didn't see it coming,I didn't planned that..and I took a step back..but then I give in (even if I knew it wasn't the right thing).Well that's the conclusion,if a cap isn't 100% sure about a thing is better to let him/her be.

Of course,that's just my opinion based on my experience and my (complex) personality.

When it comes to relationships I think it's better to look deep within yourself,at your flaws,at your past mistakes,at everything that's dark and easly misunderstood from outside,and then you can start to emphatize with the one who had hurted you (in a way or another).

I think I got carried away with the subject,sorry

Btw,I really hope it's readable (not a native english speaker here).

You seem a great person I hope everything will turn out fine.
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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
@justlikeheaven

Thank you for your input really, It so hard keep the emotions under control for me right now. I know i am not delusional with regards of what I felt, neither his expressions with all those questions/suggestions/messages/tests etc.

However of course i have no idea what is going through his head vs heart and what made him deny it all. I will let him be. He is insecure and very shy, he also told me that his ex reached out recently and even if he said he is not interested to pick up from where they left of 10 years ago it might have added to the mixture.

One thing I still dont understand why he wants to stay friends and hang out /have fun (like nothing happened) saying he doesnt want to lose our great friendship. How can he says this to a cap when he knows how our feelings work. He even said you will laugh at having feelings for me in few days, you will move on?!

I still don't regret telling him how I feel, at least it didnt keep this building up
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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
@caplove yeah exactly the baby thing was just another step, getting jealous and asking about other guys if I like them, telling me i am alpha female etc I dont want to write the whole book here but I know for sure him being super shy this was not just how he talk to female friends. It was like he was testing/confirming my feelings and that he wanted me to express it then for some reason poof.

Yep it hurts especially when he took the stand not to blame it on him giving me signals when they were there 100% , its insulting more then the rejection itself.

Just to give you last pearl.. after all this awkward talk he was insisting we go for coffee!! And that I text him later when i get home ok. I didnt do either obviously.

I dont think i want to talk to him ever again, feelings will diminish with time but if i see him again it will be always there.
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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
Caplove that was the funny part as i told him to be careful in future with mixed messages he got upset and said not to blame it on him as it never happened to him before.. right, dont think so.

Anyway I just need to move on as this will only cause me pain so I keep my distance, but i do miss him terribly. 😢 such an amazing connection, sense of humor and same interest and is not to be.

Thanks for all the input and support, much appreciated
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outofdarkness
@outofdarkness
9 YearsLibra

Comments: 0 · Posts: 168 · Topics: 3
Posted by cappiegirl
Guys unbelievable must share/ vent my anger at this cappie guy. We know each other for few months and are chats have intensified in last few weeks, spending time together sharing private info, he taking me for coffee (even when super busy at work), makes plans for us to go places in future, even picked my birthday present. Start calling me baby last week and getting touchy - feely, banter, flirting etc so I think this guy is interested 100% . Especially when he volunteers info that he is single and also that he is looking for something deep...

Then tonight after we had great day out and went for drinks again we chat all cosy and then convo got onto relationships and mixed message...so he kind of made me tell him that i like him. Now to my absolute shock he told me that that must be some confusion as he only likes me as friend and has NO IDEA why would i think he likes me more then that. You guys can imagine the double slap in the face. Rejection ok i can process it somehow but to be made feel that I am crazy and saw something somewhere where it wasnt really pissed me off.

I am not arrogant, over-confident or desperate so I am either completely bonkers or he DID send those signals. When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun. Like he doesnt know when we fall we fall and I cant imagine pretend like my feelings never existed.

Now my question to all cappie men or women (even if you dont have 100% all info) is this normal cap guy behavior or is all the above just my delusion of his expression of romantic interest?


I went through this with two different Cancer men. They were both (and still are) looking for an ego boost. It's not a sign thing; it's an insecure man thing. Drop the ball and walk away. Prepare to be amused. It's like watching a wildlife documentary! Lol
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outofdarkness
@outofdarkness
9 YearsLibra

Comments: 0 · Posts: 168 · Topics: 3
Posted by cappiegirl
Guys unbelievable must share/ vent my anger at this cappie guy. We know each other for few months and are chats have intensified in last few weeks, spending time together sharing private info, he taking me for coffee (even when super busy at work), makes plans for us to go places in future, even picked my birthday present. Start calling me baby last week and getting touchy - feely, banter, flirting etc so I think this guy is interested 100% . Especially when he volunteers info that he is single and also that he is looking for something deep...

Then tonight after we had great day out and went for drinks again we chat all cosy and then convo got onto relationships and mixed message...so he kind of made me tell him that i like him. Now to my absolute shock he told me that that must be some confusion as he only likes me as friend and has NO IDEA why would i think he likes me more then that. You guys can imagine the double slap in the face. Rejection ok i can process it somehow but to be made feel that I am crazy and saw something somewhere where it wasnt really pissed me off.

I am not arrogant, over-confident or desperate so I am either completely bonkers or he DID send those signals. When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun. Like he doesnt know when we fall we fall and I cant imagine pretend like my feelings never existed.

Now my question to all cappie men or women (even if you dont have 100% all info) is this normal cap guy behavior or is all the above just my delusion of his expression of romantic interest?


It's not a delusion. Gaslighting, plausibility of denial, blah blah blah blah....
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PiscesMarsFighter29
@PiscesMarsFighter29
8 Years

Comments: 4 · Posts: 240 · Topics: 11
Posted by outofdarkness
Posted by cappiegirl
Guys unbelievable must share/ vent my anger at this cappie guy. We know each other for few months and are chats have intensified in last few weeks, spending time together sharing private info, he taking me for coffee (even when super busy at work), makes plans for us to go places in future, even picked my birthday present. Start calling me baby last week and getting touchy - feely, banter, flirting etc so I think this guy is interested 100% . Especially when he volunteers info that he is single and also that he is looking for something deep...

Then tonight after we had great day out and went for drinks again we chat all cosy and then convo got onto relationships and mixed message...so he kind of made me tell him that i like him. Now to my absolute shock he told me that that must be some confusion as he only likes me as friend and has NO IDEA why would i think he likes me more then that. You guys can imagine the double slap in the face. Rejection ok i can process it somehow but to be made feel that I am crazy and saw something somewhere where it wasnt really pissed me off.

I am not arrogant, over-confident or desperate so I am either completely bonkers or he DID send those signals. When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun. Like he doesnt know when we fall we fall and I cant imagine pretend like my feelings never existed.

Now my question to all cappie men or women (even if you dont have 100% all info) is this normal cap guy behavior or is all the above just my delusion of his expression of romantic interest?


I went through this with two different Cancer men. They were both (and still are) looking for an ego boost. It's not a sign thing; it's an insecure man thing. Drop the ball and walk away. Prepare to be amused. It's like watching a wildlife documentary! Lol
click to expand

It's definitely not a sign issue. It's just someone being a d1ck who wants tot est if females will like him and then he pretends like he never led them into feeling that way.
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cappiegirl
@cappiegirl
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 52 · Topics: 7
@LadyNeptune he mentioned that his ex who he hasnt seen for 10 years reached out and wants to reconnect. So I asked him if he is interested and he said no as she lives on the other side of the world but that he would see her just to catch up. Then he added something like it will not affect us... looked at me and said why are you asking..i said i think that's obvious because i like you.

And that was it..

Do I reveal my feelings like this often? No. I felt that he feels the same yet he is waiting for me to confirm it first. Maybe he does maybe he doesnt, that really does matter anymore right now. As I am the one who got hurt and trying to move on.
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Aerazo
@Aerazo
9 Years1,000+ PostsAquarius

Comments: 9 · Posts: 2257 · Topics: 92
Posted by PiscesMarsFighter29
Posted by outofdarkness
Posted by cappiegirl
Guys unbelievable must share/ vent my anger at this cappie guy. We know each other for few months and are chats have intensified in last few weeks, spending time together sharing private info, he taking me for coffee (even when super busy at work), makes plans for us to go places in future, even picked my birthday present. Start calling me baby last week and getting touchy - feely, banter, flirting etc so I think this guy is interested 100% . Especially when he volunteers info that he is single and also that he is looking for something deep...

Then tonight after we had great day out and went for drinks again we chat all cosy and then convo got onto relationships and mixed message...so he kind of made me tell him that i like him. Now to my absolute shock he told me that that must be some confusion as he only likes me as friend and has NO IDEA why would i think he likes me more then that. You guys can imagine the double slap in the face. Rejection ok i can process it somehow but to be made feel that I am crazy and saw something somewhere where it wasnt really pissed me off.

I am not arrogant, over-confident or desperate so I am either completely bonkers or he DID send those signals. When I told him so he said not to blame this on him rather focus on the positive, that this can happen and that he thinks I am great person and we should definitely be a friends and still hang out and have fun. Like he doesnt know when we fall we fall and I cant imagine pretend like my feelings never existed.

Now my question to all cappie men or women (even if you dont have 100% all info) is this normal cap guy behavior or is all the above just my delusion of his expression of romantic interest?


I went through this with two different Cancer men. They were both (and still are) looking for an ego boost. It's not a sign thing; it's an insecure man thing. Drop the ball and walk away. Prepare to be amused. It's like watching a wildlife documentary! Lol
It's definitely not a sign issue. It's just someone being a d1ck who wants tot est if females will like him and then he pretends like he never led them into feeling that way.

click to expand

The best thing to do is to treat them as what they are.. immature guys who don't know what they want and save your effort for someone who really deserves it.
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outofdarkness
@outofdarkness
9 YearsLibra

Comments: 0 · Posts: 168 · Topics: 3
Posted by cappiegirl
@outofdarkness yeah i told him when he was insisting that we should remain friends that I am not interested. No mattter how much attraction I might feel for him I will not keep giving him chance to hurt me.

But i am mad at myself for making myself vulnerable and letting him hurt me.
It's a risk we take. I just make sure to not make the same mistake twice with the same person. For me, there is no going back.