Should you chase a Capricorn guy?

I'm very unclear about this because I've seen people saying to do it and people saying not to. He pops into my life just when I am about over him and blames us not talking on me never texting him or not texting him often which is what I don't get. It's like he wants me to chase him but then when I do he acts uninterested. He is so hot and cold and always keeps tabs on where I'm at when I go out on Fridays to the normal bar at my college that everyone goes to. He'll watch me and look for me but he'll never come up and say hi, then when I went up to him to talk to him he seemed uninterested but just the week before he texted me saying I should go up to him and say hi when I see him. So it's very confusing I feel like he is just a player but something keeps me holding on.

He sounds like an idiot lol. Tell him to come back to you when he can man up. I have two Caps interested in me and they certainly don't act like this.

sounds like somebody who just wants to see how high you'll jump. there are better men out there.

"I'm very unclear about this because I've seen people saying to do it and people saying not to."

and

"It's like he wants me to chase him but"

So some people wants you to do this and others wants you to that and you don't know what he wants you to do, this you have told us. How about you forget what everyone else wants or not wants you to do for a moment and ask yourself what YOU want to do. What would suit YOU?

He's been doing this for a while and I am getting very tired of it but he wasn't liked this at all when I first met him and I was introduced by a mutual friend and we really hit it off at first and he even said he was really into me and that I was gorgeous and was very flattering at first. But then after that when I've tried to see him it's just been pointless and he isn't very outgoing and I would say he's on the shyer side but I know he's had a gf before so he isn't just confused on how to talk to girls. Although he does seem nervous when I try to talk to him in person but he wasn't really like that at first so it's like he is a different person and I would chase him if I honestly know he was interested or that this game he seems to be playing would end soon. That's what I want to do but I'm just confused what him acting this way means and I thought it had to do with him being a Capricorn but I don't know.

The thing is when I first met him and even one night at the bar he told me he was interested in me when I asked because I don't want to waste my time on him if the case is that he's just not that into me which is hard for me to see considering when I go to this bar every Friday my friends and I have all seen him staring at our group to see if I'm there and the one week I didn't go was when he texted me and asked if I had gone home from college for the summer, I replied even though my friends told me not to and I just left it kinda mysterious I guess and said no and then he asked if I was still in town and I said no. I think he knows I'm not looking to just have sex with him or anything bc my friend who introduced us had told him I was a virgin. But at the same time he is just so hot and cold and I can never talk to him or have an actual conversation with him about it because when I see him he is constantly with this other guy friend of his who I expected to be more of the player lol. But I straight up asked him if he was interested in me a month ago when I saw him alone at the bar and he said yes and smiled and then he had to go and I texted him later and he never texted me back. All my friends take this as him being a player and told me to move on with another guy that is interested in me but I feel like whenever I'm at the bar and with this other guy I really don't want to make the cappy jealous I'm just honestly trying to move on but I think maybe when I was with other guys who were just my friends at the bar maybe that did make him jealous and that's why he's acting this way? But I really don't know my friend who introduced us said he doesn't talk much and that he isn't a player at all. And apparently he thought I wasn't interested in him after we first met but I feel like I've made it clear since then.

He knows he's playing the hot/cold game with you, imo, and he knows it puts you in a bad position. Don't let him. Maybe his buddy told him a few tricks that he is testing out on you. Tbh, I think that if he wants you, then he can come and get you. Don't worry about it. See whomever you want to see.

And then I need to comment on your "friend" who found it necessary to inform other people that you're a virgin. Seriously? Isn't that the kind of information that you personally want to share with whomever you want to share it with and at the precise time you decide to share it. Ewwww! Are you enabling that kind of behaviour from your friends? But then maybe you don't think there's anything wrong with it or even asked her to tell him and if that is the case I take everything back.

I don't in any way mean that you shouldn't give people the benefit of the doubt(something I believe gets you far), just don't let them go further than you want them to go. Sometimes they may not know how far you feel it's okay for them to go. If so, I suggest you inform them.

Oh, didn't see evalani, s post when I posted mine and I would like to say that I completely agree that it's not a good idea to ask a guy if he's interested first time you meet him.

For me, it's not about power, because you don't really give him much power in asking him that, imo. Rather the opposite, in some cases. No, the reason I would never do that is that it fills absolutely no function. Most guys you ask that would probably say yes, if for nothing else not to hurt you...or they are interested. But interested in what? They just met you. Why don't you ask them that when they are actually able to give you an informed answer?

And then I want to quote evalani "Stop involving your friends too much in this,use your own head,you'll need it later in life too."

That is precisely what I wanted to say, but I didn't find the words as well as she did.

Tbh, I don't think you give away much power in letting him know you're interested in such an early stage. It's like we both say: what kind of information is that anyway? That she happened to like to talk to him for ten minutes? Nah.

What could instead give you power by saying that is his answer, because he will almost certainly say yes, for some reason or the other. And then if he shows disinterest later on, you could go: oh, but I thought you were interested...(in your whimpiest voice.) That would, however, classify as gameplaying, so I would probably not go there, but what I'm saying is that you could use it to your advantage in a discussion later on in one way or the other.

Alright let me clarify the first night I met him he first said he was really into me and that he really had a good night and enjoyed talking with me. So then a few weeks later after he had been playing his hot and cold game is when I went up to him at the bar and asked him if he was still into me (didn't use the words interested) because I was confused by his behavior and he had come out and told me that the first night I met him. Also about the virgin thing, the friend who introduced us only introduced us for the purpose of having a double date sort of thing with her and her boyfriend who is the cappy's best friend. I told her to ask someone else to go because I wasn't interested (this was before I met him) because I was talking to a different guy at the time. But she basically made me feel bad by saying she'd already mentioned it to him and showed him my pics and he sent her a text saying he was 'actually really excited for it' so I felt bad and decided to do it although from pics I didn't think he was cute but I thought I could just talk and meet someone new. But then when I met him he was actually really cute and he acted so into me and complimented me and was very nice and a gentleman that I kind of liked him. But my friend who told him I was virgin was just telling him I guess so he would know? Idk i think it was more so her way of getting him to know me before we met and I didn't know she told him until later. Although I didn't really care because she's always telling people other people's business and I'm sure he knows that's how she is.

Your friend is really lucky to have you, because you are probably one of the veeery few people who would accept that she's just like that and still be friends with her.

I have personally completely cut one former close friend off after having made less big revelations(yes, they were plural. I actually gave her two other shots before the final cut) about me to other people. How are you supposed to trust that kind of person. Ewww! I don't even like my friends showing other people my picture. Don't tell her aaany more secrets.

Oh, so it was a misunderstanding - you didn't ask him the first night. That's good news. 🙂

@evalani290
I was not talking about this case, specifically. I was talking about that action in general. The reason he's playing with her is because she lets him, not because of that, imo. Especially now since we know it was a misunderstanding - it apparently happened weeks later than we assessed.

There are also many different ways of asking a person that. You could say it with glossy puppy eyes.(Ouch! In that sense, I completely agree. Then you totally give him power - it's like you put your entire life in his hands. Huge nono. But I don't think there are many ppl out there who are dumb enough to do that...hopefully.) You could say it looking like crazy bunny boiler.(Ouch! And nono) You could say it in a way that doesn't really gives him proof that she likes him too. More questioningly, but with a tone to it, so to speak.(Gives it quite another meaning) See what I mean?

@HappyCapper
how do I stop him from playing this game since I am letting him, I will have to admit normally I am probably the one to play games with guy but I didn't at all with him so at first I didn't even realize he was playing games... but then I didn't really mind it because I don't like things to move to fast but now it's been going on since March I'm getting kind of bored with it and just feel like I should move on even though I don't really want to but I'm tired of him acting like this hot and cold all the time.

@FranchKpricorn
I think he's had at least one gf before that I know for sure of. He told me he had three exes but I find it kind of hard to believe because the friend who introduced us told me he hadn't dated anyone in a long time and said he never brings girls home after the club. so idk.

My boyfriend is at a crossroads in his life career-wise.

He has been wishy-washy, but swears he loves me.

I have finally figured out that when Caps don't know what is going on with them career-wise, they are not able to make decisions about girlfriends either.

Lucky for me, my man listens to my intuition and wisdom. We had such a great talk. I shared my intuitive vision for what I believe he could be and achieve, and he 1000 percent agreed with it and more.

God bless a Cap man for having the ambition.

And it's no surprise to me that he has made a huge commitment to me recently, because he feels better about where he is going career wise.

So my advice to you is to believe him if he is showing interest. Cap men are sincere. Try to get to know him. Caps rarely reveal uncertainty, except to real close friends. But I bet it is some career issue.

Posted by evalani290
@HappyCapper:

Yes to the last one. But i think telling a man that you like talking to him and that you admire some trait of his,admire his way of doing something would be decent and also mature,you can't go wrong with that.

When it comes to men,it would be better if you could point out a specific quality of his. He will do it more often and maybe also improve,he will go out of his way to impress you because that's what makes them feel good,knowing that they can make you happy,if they like you. Making a man know that he can make you happy,that's the only power you should give him,then motivate him,then telling him you're proud of him,based on your relationship with him and as the time passes.

It shows what you value and appreciate in a man and also that you're assertive and notice him.

Agree with most of this, all except what's in bold print. I do think it's important not to give away too much power, and a few years ago I would have agreed with you completely, but I have come to be a firm believer that you need to give away some power at some point, or it's not really going to work. Not as early on as in this case, ofc, but I know myself that I have had huge difficulties letting go of complete control and it has jumped up bit me in the ass every time.

I left out a few details of what he has said to me since the first time we met. So he had texted me a couple times asking to meet up and see me at this bar early on in the beginning and I agreed I would because i didn't know he was playing games at this point well I went to the bar and told him I was there about to go in and he was like cool I'm here with the people he was there with that night. But the thing was I had seen him leave about 5 min before and walk down the street to go to another bar but he didn't know I saw him I don't think. And I never said anything about it and that was all we had talked that night. I was really angry about it because it was his idea but at the same time I feel like he was just saying things because he knows what I want to hear. Like when I first met him at times it felt like he was just trying to impress me and said whatever I wanted to hear. But then he did it again a few weeks later said he wanted to see me at the bar then ignored/avoided me while I was there and I didn't go up to him because I figured he had another girl to talk to or something. But then a few weeks after that he had texted me the night before saying he really wished he could hang out with me or see or something along those lines but he didn't have a way to get over to my apartment. So I offered to pick him up but he never replied. Then the next day at the bar I decided to go up to him because I was tired of him saying things but doing nothing and I said hi and he said hey but he seemed preoccupied with some game on tv so I just walked away. And later my friend went up to him (without my permission idk why she did it) and asked him why he did that and he said he would come over and tell me what happened later but he had to watch the game and that I misunderstood him watching the game as rejection. But he never came to clear things up. All the time when I'm at this bar he actively looks for me to see who I'm with and what I'm doing and when I wasn't at the bar a week ago he texted me wondering where I was. I just don't feel like he's that into me because he doesn't seem to care. I thought maybe I'm too available to him but that's just how I am if someone texts me or asks me to hang out I'm going to say yes.

Posted by libra117
@HappyCapper
how do I stop him from playing this game since I am letting him, I will have to admit normally I am probably the one to play games with guy but I didn't at all with him so at first I didn't even realize he was playing games... but then I didn't really mind it because I don't like things to move to fast but now it's been going on since March I'm getting kind of bored with it and just feel like I should move on even though I don't really want to but I'm tired of him acting like this hot and cold all the time.

"He'll watch me and look for me but he'll never come up and say hi, then when I went up to him to talk to him he seemed uninterested but just the week before he texted me saying I should go up to him and say hi when I see him."

Don't go up to him. If he wants to see you I bet he is quite capable of comming to you. Don't make a mistake: he knows exactly what he's doing and he may even be testing something out on you...maybe because of what FranchKpricorn said, that he is simply insecure and lets himself be lured into this by his friends. I mean, I have seen a lot of men play hot and cold, but this is too much, as if he was being directed or something. But I'm not sure of this insecurity thing, ofc, and whatever you do, don't mention this suspicion to him until you have been married for at least ten years.

I say, next time he asks you why you didn't come up to him, don't make him manipulate you into thinking that you did something wrong by not going to him - he didn't go to you either. You have tried doing what you think he wants you to do and according to himself, it's not working, so now it's his turn. If he wants you, he can come to you. Don't play any games with him, but know your limits. You can't accept just anything. Imo.

Posted by evalani290
So he has your number,he knows how to reach you but he's always asking you to met at the bar??You never had a real date with this guy and you didn't thought something is wrong with this picture?

I'm sorry but that's what you get when you're letting a guy you barely know to play you like a puppet on a string.

It's not his fault,those are the consequences of your actions,he didn't forced you into nothing. He doesn't respect you because you don't require to be respected.

If he asks you out,you say no,you got other plans. If he asks you when you can be available you give him a date,hour and place,on your own terms,if he's cool with that,good!
Next time,the same.
Cancel plans from time to time,see his reaction,if he's patient try to make up for it.
All this for 2 maybe 3 months,if he's still around,he's a keeper!

You could be a very special girl but until you don't act like you're special and you can give him something other than sex and a good time you'll be just a girl.
Make him wonder,think,work for you but give him stability and inspiration at the same time and do that while you run your own world!

You have no idea what makes males thick,they are more simple than you'd think,us females complicate things.

*cough* Isn't that game playing? First she doesn't like him playing games with her, and then she's supposed to lower herself to his level by...playing games with him? Nah, not agreeing with this. Hold your own, but life is much too short for games of this kind, imo.

Posted by evalani290
@HappyCapper:

Control,that's different. The way i see things,it can go a lot of ways. And i can relate to what your saying but when you're having a strong character,when you know exactly what you want and what you need to achieve,it can be difficult to let a man come and teach you "what's best" for you or just what's best.

Only if he has a better way than yours,only if he's wise,patient and responsible enough and he's not intimidated by you.
For letting go of complete control like you're saying,you need trust.

You wouldn't care about losing control or letting go of it,as long as the man beside you is stronger than you. If he's unstable in any way or form,flaky,not good at discipline,not ambitious and all over the place,you'll want to get the job done yourself.

And this is a long topic because i know that "control" comes in more ways,from my own experience.

I believe that in the beginning a woman,girl should do exactly what's best for her,if what's best for her matches with the person she's dating,there you go.

We may have a bit of a misunderstanding here. Are you perchance referring to this?

"Agree with most of this, all except what's in bold print. I do think it's important not to give away too much power, and a few years ago I would have agreed with you completely, but I have come to be a firm believer that you need to give away some power at some point, or it's not really going to work. Not as early on as in this case, ofc, but I know myself that I have had huge difficulties letting go of complete control and it has jumped up bit me in the ass every time."

When I say that I think you can sometimes let go of complete control, I just meant that you don't have to be 100% in control all the time if you trust someone enough to be able to let go of some of it. And sometimes you need to take a chance - let go a little to see if you can trust the other person with yourself. That's what I can be bad at - I need to be a little bit braver when it comes to that. And as said before: this is by no means applicable to this case. Waaay too soon.

Posted by evalani290
And i don't think he's even playing around.

Believe it or not,not every guy is playing games. For him to play games,he should want something from her,i don't see nothing from what she said on this thread that shows he wants something out of her.

She's a Libra,she doesn't have the patience for a Capricorn. I can see how this doesn't work for her but i can see how this wouldn't work for him either.

There's more to it than she's telling but that's just my opinion.

I know. Most guys don't play games, but I must say he seems like a typical case. It's like he's tugging at the string just when he got her to think he's not interested. To me it seems almost orkestrated.

Then what do you suggest this means?

"He'll watch me and look for me but he'll never come up and say hi, then when I went up to him to talk to him he seemed uninterested but just the week before he texted me saying I should go up to him and say hi when I see him."

and this

"But then a few weeks after that he had texted me the night before saying he really wished he could hang out with me or see or something along those lines but he didn't have a way to get over to my apartment. So I offered to pick him up but he never replied."

I think he wants to act like a player and be cool in front of his friends, cause it seems that he doesn't look interested when he is among his friends, but then seems to want to string you along in some way when he's not. Maybe he thinks it looks good to have a girl after his ass and him looking nonchalant about it makes him even cooler...he may think. I'm guessing he's insecure and a bit immature. Nothing wrong with that -I just wish he would handle it a little bit better.

Posted by evalani290
@HappyCapper:

No misunderstanding,i was talking about what you wrote,it wasn't about this case per se.

"That's what I can be bad at - I need to be a little bit braver when it comes to that."

You seem brave enough though,you'll get there on your own time. You already know what works for you and what doesn't.

Thanks, that's sweet. 🙂

Posted by libra117
I'm very unclear about this because I've seen people saying to do it and people saying not to. He pops into my life just when I am about over him and blames us not talking on me never texting him or not texting him often which is what I don't get. It's like he wants me to chase him but then when I do he acts uninterested. He is so hot and cold and always keeps tabs on where I'm at when I go out on Fridays to the normal bar at my college that everyone goes to. He'll watch me and look for me but he'll never come up and say hi, then when I went up to him to talk to him he seemed uninterested but just the week before he texted me saying I should go up to him and say hi when I see him. So it's very confusing I feel like he is just a player but something keeps me holding on.

Maybe he's trying to test you to see how much you like him. Caps are reserved and cautious. They need someone to break the ice.

Also, they are not that expressive in public even when in love, so don't expect him to be too warm.

In private though, they can be most charming 😉 If he invites you to his home, even better. My Cap cleans every single time I come over, makes sure the sheets are fresh, and a meal is planned.

I would suggest that you try to make one on one plans with him and see what he says. Try mentioning a movie you want to see or something casual like that. If a Cap really likes you, he will take a small comment or suggestion and run with it. You DON'T have to tell him twice if he's into you.

Didn't read the entire thread. Now I see a clearer picture.

As the others have said, you are too available, and you're not calling him out on his B.S.

At this stage, you are just friends, but even friends don't ignore each other when they see you, or not text back when offered a ride to hang out. If that were me, I would be pissed off and he or she would be cut off. I'd pull WAY back.

Caps need to be called out. If you don't, they will bulldoze over you without noticing. They will respect you more for standing up for yourself. As a Libra, this can be hard but remember that things should be fair. Key is to be rational and not emotional when talking to them about your wants.