I am having trouble letting go of my gemini :(

Its been two years, we dated for two, the moment I opened my door and saw her for the first time my heart exploded. She was perfect in everyway, the right things in common and the right things that were opposite. But i was very very sick, i wanted her to be proud of me, and when an illness came and took away my sport, the depression and anxiety took me. In the fights her extreme cruelty came out, and it did tremendous damage. She moved out and back then out again and we never really stopped talking until towards the end. Where i grew more distant, responding to her severely delayed text with even more delayed text. As if we can see who lasts longer. I eventually stopped all contact I simply stopped picking up or answering. I didn't know what else to do I was madly in love with the person that made me feel unloved. Its been two years since her last call.

And while my charm and looks get me more attention then i can handle, i alway turn to her. Shes all i think about when im alone, and i feel so robbed that its all because i was sick.

I wish i mattered, i wish i was missed, or even thought about, i wish I didn't feel like this anymore

Please if you have any advice please share

Thank you

May I ask what you were sick with...?

When my heart rate increases my nose clogs up and runs down my throat then I gag and gag and throw up that means I can't keep a mouth guard in or defend myself. So bye mma, and rugby.