Decisions, Decisions (Page 2)

ok, so give me advice. how do i tell him that i want to spend more time with him to the point he not only agrees but reciprocates? i have not been confrontational. 2 weekends ago when i was ready to just tell him to look me up when his family issues got squared away, he said "Here I am, tore between my family and this great girl I like and wish I could see more often"...the words and the way he said it just tugged at me for some reason and i gave him yet more benefit of the doubt.

if i have to guide him, how do i do it?

i'm seriously at wits end. i think i've given good advice to everyone else, but inside i'm torn over how to proceed...do i move on with or without him?

HP, now that he knows a conversation is going to happen it will go the way you want it to go. He will be reactive probably because he does not know exactly what you meant in the earlier conv - that quote conversation was not all that clear.

Poor boy does not know what you want and does not know what he wants. He just wants it to be OK - whatever OK means.

Can you understand that he needs to spend this time with his family? Does it make sense to you?

Libra, honey, he does know what I want. I've told him. The last time we talked about this, he told me that he didn't want me to just give up nor did he. He said he didn't want to give up and say that the timing wasn't right and to wait until things clear up with his family...but he also said he didn't know when things would clear up with his family.

oh and something else he said. we i asked him if he wanted to spend more time with me he was quick to say "Yes, but don't ask me when"...meaning his time was so precious he couldn't commit.

Spending one evening a week is not a lot to ask and I'm not even getting that.

Libra, I don't think you grasp that I totally understand the importance of family, but if he can take an evening out of a weekend to go to a party (one of which he said he didn't really want to go to in the first place), go out of town for 1 and 2 weeks at a time, then why does it seem like I'm asking too much when I just want a few hours a week?

Once you finally have this conversation, I agree with Libra more than likely he will comply because it seems like he really likes you. That is how it was with my ex. Initially were casual and at one point I just told him straight up I want a relationship I don't want to be casual with you. I was prepared for him to tell me he didn't want one and I was going to move on - I thought he would bault. He said "I want that to lets do it." I thought I was dreaming...


Libras (men) are the partnership sign they would rather be with someone than without. I know, it definitely doesn't seem that way, but it has proven to be true to me. They just don't know how to always go about it.

I would not call him and I would let it be for a good while. See what he does and then you will know...

He is supposed to go with me to a Christmas dinner on the 22nd. I needed him to confirm today if he's still going because my boss needs to RSVP a table and limo for all of us.

I would rather go to this dinner alone than with someone who feels obligated to go at this point.

"They just don't know how to always go about it."

Yes, we do. We make fools of ourselves in the process and we do not care. When we want you to know, we put ourselves outthere and we will not care how it looks or what we are going to say.

I've been in denial over something else about he and I. He's Lebanese and I'm American. Well he's American now, but I have been in denial over the fact that I also feel that our heritages and cultures are playing a big role in this.

Well if they do they need to stop pretending. Because they all have that pretence then. That is if they really know how. They don't seem to know until they figure it out though honestly. That would be all 5 that I have known. Same stuff. Each are not the same, however, some of the traits never change.

I would not call him today and not tomorrow either. Us girls should not have to beg for friendship or attention. Don't burn your bridges by formally denouncing the relationship. Just let him rot for a bit. The bugger...

(oh, he's making me angry now)

Ahhhh....

This is the issue then...

He has spoken to his family about you and they've made their point clear...

Possible??

Why? Is he muslum. He may be Lebonese (arabic) but does he abide by their culture as far as marriage and having more than one wife. I know these things. I grew up in Israel for 15 years... So, yes they can have up to 4 wives. If they are religious. FYI HP.

When he wrote 'this great girl' - I thought it was suspicious...

He is trying to stand up for you and not getting anywhere at the moment...

Family ties are incredibly strong and you serve your parents, kinda. So yes, it is an issue. He told you he was torn...

He is not a bugger, I am taking it back...

Queen, he's Catholic....Lebanese has a big CHristian following, not all are Muslim.

He's been quite open about his faith. But to answer your question Libra, no he hasn't talked about me to his family. Nor have I talked to my family about him. I decided not to mention anything about him until I knew for sure we were headed for something solid.

That is one thing, however, I haven't asked him "Are our backgrounds too different? Are you concerned over what your family would think?" I think tha'ts a valid question, especially since they're all so close.

Plus, all of his siblings are married to other Lebanese. Plus one of his neices is getting married in Lebanon in February. I asked if his neice was born in Lebanon and he said that she was American...so that tells me that their culture is carrying through far beyond becoming Americans. When I asked him if his family has plans for him, he said that they just want him to be happy...

But by telling me "this great girl", i figured he was trying to avoid me saying anythign about him not being able to see me...like you all have mentioned - to avoid confrontation....saying the charming words to make me wonder "how could i ever be upset with you"..ladies, you know the charming drill...

sorry peeps....i've been bottling this stuff up for over a week now....sorry it's just leaking!

It is a big deal. I married outside my religion and there were big issues. Cultural differences are huge.

He must be torn indeed and wondering what to do. Not giving you up and not displeasing his family either.

HP, living in the Middle East for 15 years I do know that there is a huge Christian faith. Just checking.

I figured you did, Queen...didn't mean to disrespect. I didn't read all of your post until after I typed that.

On top of everything else:

He is a man and husband/wife roles are very clearly defined. Man is a man and woman is a woman. Now what am i trying to say? Much more formal than in the west. No too much dating, they go straight to marriage.

Suvant, I'm definitely not prejustice to his ethnicity. I told him recently that "Color is Blind" and I believe that. But living in Texas and other places in the USA, you get ridiculed for dating outside your race. I've always believed that we are one race: Human Race. But I can't deny that there would be obstacles to us - putting aside male/female aspects, but adding cultural and ethnic.

I don't love the guy...haven't had the opportunity to spend that much time with him. lol

But HP, if it is any consolation: this man I mentioned (that I married) is also a Libra and he managed everyone in this very complicated subject brilliantly, including his parents. But it took time, creative thinking, talking and all that. We dated in secret for five years.

Much more formal than in the west. No too much dating, they go straight to marriage.


Libra, this man pursued me not once but twice. I kept resisting but finally gave in. And the bad/good part is, I'm loyal and faithful to a fault. I've almost felt guilty about thinking about going out with these other 2 guys because the Libra has "shown" an interest in me.

Libra, did this man make the time to see you or did he have an excuse 99% of the time for not being able to see you? That's a big dilemma for me too. He says he likes me, he calls me babe, sweetie, Habbibi (my love in Lebanese), but I'm missing the physical aspect. I'm a woman for goodness sake...I crave the physicalness.

Yes, of course you crave it.

We saw each other a lot as we lived in the same hall of residence.

See, either he is completely bullshitting you about OR he is extremely serious and wondering how to get this right.

What do you think it is?

I honestly don't know. Like I've said, I'm at wits end.

Part of me thinks he's bullshipping me. But then I wonder why would he even bother doing the small things he does for me. He's come up to my office on two different ocassions to help with computer problems. If he didnt want to be exposed to people whom I work with, he didn't have to come up here. Both times he offered to come and help.

So seriously I don't know what to think. I feel like putting on a helmet and finding a brick wall to bang.

Plus, I've given him at least 2 outs to walk away, but he says he doesn't. But there is just something fishy that I just can't put my finger on.

I'd lay low for a bit. Protect yourself. But if you are in love with him etc then don't burn your bridges by denouncing things. Just withdraw from the scene. But if he does approach you then you say your bit, hear him out, bit of witchcraft, not too direct.

He may not know how to date...??

Libra, I'm not in love with him. Just as I answered him when he asked why I stick around, it's because "I see something" in him.

But no, definitelynot in love. I don't fall in love that easily.

For him to take an all out stand there has to be a prize in the end. Maybe he is wondering whether you'll be there in the end?

what stand? end in what?

By his side, as his girl...

Hmm, I don't know. I go back on forth on that thought myself. He's met one of my friends, a co-worker and the president of the company I work for. He helps me out with computer problems, and texts me more than calls. I keep thinking "At least he's in contact with me" because what's the alternative? Him NOT contacting me. Just lately it seems like I'm chasing and I do not want to feel like I'm doing the chasing. It's just not fun and it makes me look desperate. Plus, I really resent the fact that he almost never answers his phone when I call. He will call at his convenience and then when I don't answer his call, he'll call a couple more times and leave messages that appear as if he's perturbed I wasn't available to talk.

It's so frustrating, I tell ya! I have my helmet now where's that brick wall?

Just lay low for a bit. Give him a chance to miss you and to initiate. I also prefer texting - then I am in control of what I say and I cannot say something silly. Libra are also a bit stupid sometimes. They don't realise too quickly.

By not initiating you will feel better about yourself because you don't want to feel desperate - which I can understand completely.

You may not like all he does and the frequency but he has always come through e.g. you always write a cute story in the end.

Also, don't forget that you need to play the role of the female so that he can be the man. He likes to think that he has accomplished something - Libra is a masculine sign.

I would say one thing though: if you want to bring raise an issue e.g. have a chat then you should be allowed to do so. Communication is ultimately all you have.

* Libra men - first para

HP....like everybody else has suggested, I'd certainly lay low for a while and/or go out with your friends/other guys!! Make yourself unavailable for a while.....I did this myself recently and sure enough, he comes back but mine is even more confusing as he mentioned his week and how busy he is and that he has his work Xmas dinner on Saturday night then proceeded to ask "what are your plans?"....to which I answered...not that busy this week as my previous week was a nightmare...I honestly thought he'd ask me to go with him but NUP!! nothing, except that we might catch up tonight but might?? I never believe in that lol. As much as I'd just love to go along with him Im not going to say "was that an invite" and look desperate which I will become if I keep hoping for him to make the next move.

I have decided to go on a date tomorrow night with another guy who seems really nice although I am not sure I want to get involed with a Gemini again but he shows more interest by texting me, emailing me daily which is MUCH more than I can say for Mr. Libra who texts ad-hoc and chats online through msn and wants to dictate when we see one another......can't do that much longer but will leave the door open until the New Year but in the meantime keep myself busy and not wait for him night and day (Bad mistake)...I will date others as he clearly hasn't made a commitment of ANY sort...like you HP, I would just love to see him more than once a week or fortnight - I deserve better than what he's been dishing out (or lack thereof) lately.

My suggestion:.....keep busy, lay low, dont get upset.....I have a feeling he'll be running to you soon enough.....they teach you patience but there has to be a time where you do cut them off for a while or it will drive you insane!!!

Good luck

thanks

Leebra, its the aloofness which drives us other signs insane LOL.

Also, why do you LIbrans keep coming back? Do you not realise we are being driven to distraction?? why not cut us off at the knees rather than wait 2-7 days between communications? aaaaaand then act like we've been chatting everyday?? How does that work?? and we actually melt by your words/smile, etc!!!

Again, why not just cut us off?

It's 9:40pm CST and still no call from him. So far, ya'll are right.

oh yeah, forgot the sleep factor!!! Man he loves his sleep LOL. I feel better for knowing I won't be cut off but sometimes it would be kinder....and how on earth is it that he can be so elusive/aloof yet with a few words, a smile or just being him, I can just forget that within a micro-second?? argghhh!!! I think there's some black magic there lol. I truly believe that it'd be easier to escape jail or gaol (however you all spell it) than to escape the Libran charm!!! It won't be stopping me though, as I will be dating other men while he makes up his mind - I hear this can take 6 odd months....we're in the 3rd month and I feel that's just WAY TOO LONG to sit back and wait. I won't of course, tell him that I am doing this but a girl has got to get out....no doubt he is keeping his options open.

HP....stay positive, stay busy and start being too busy for him....he'll be back coz from what I gather, if you are being given some attention and/or been intimate more than once, you ARE important to them. Go out and have fun, don't sit at home waiting for him - he knows where you are that way...let him wonder!!! It doesnt mean you have to feel bad for seeing others - trust me, I've sat at home every single night waiting for mine and the calls don't come but I just know he'll be back....tis just a real shame he's so busy with Xmas celebrations and doesnt feel we know eachother enough to share it with me due to only having seen him once a week....sad that Im actually hanging onto that once a week huh?

Kinda trapped but also trying to break free!!!

chatz, I chose to not be intimate with him. we've been around most of the bases though.

he yet again broke his promise to call me...it's after 10 pm and if he text messages me instead of calling, i will rip him a new one.

Hmmm HP it certainly looks like he's avoiding a grown up conversation....try to get some sleep, remember that its nothing to do with you as a person and it is HIS problem....again, I can't emphasize enough that you should go out and have fun with other people....remove yourself from the emotions you now feel. Been there done that and I will probably go through it many times still but Im finding a lot of comfort in being with friends and just not talking about him - involving myself in other things and keeping busy.....being busy is much sexier to them anyway 🙂 *hugs*

i went out after work and just got home about 45 minutes ago, so yeah, was busy tonight. i'm sure his excuse for not calling will have to do with something and family. when i promise to call someone, i do...or i call them and tell them that "i can't talk long, but wanted to call since I promised i would"

it's about courtesy.