ideas

Any fellow leebs got ideas on how to address the "silent treatment" without appearing too aggressive? I need to confront the situation and am prepared to leave him..i just don't know how to start the conversation!

Posted by Sugarfoot
When he breaks the silence, either tell him that you want to take a break because you don't think he has good conflict resolution skills. Or, when he comes back, give HIM the silent treatment to the point that he thinks he lost you and he apologizes for his behavior (on his own).

I'm all about going on the offense.

This approach also screams lack of conflict resolution skills since it's incredibly immature and catty. You're showing the classic Libran manipulation you deny, m'dear.


OP, the fact that you're asking this without "appearing" aggressive says a lot about you.

It's pretty simple. Just ask. "Hey, is something wrong because I've noticed you've been acting this way. Have I done something that I'm not aware of that's upset you?"

Go from there.

This dipshit, childish approach of giving him the silent treatment back in order to manipulate him is fucking stupid. So's trapping him in your car to talk.

Find a neutral place to talk about it where there's at least a level of comfort in which he won't clam up because of the circumstances.

What sign is he?

Yeah, I will definitely avoid the "tit for tat" tactics..not my style at all! He is a leo. I will post our charts!

Sun Leo 26??49'35 in house 8
Moon Taurus 25??03'01 in house 5
Mercury Virgo 12??17'54 in house 8
Venus Virgo 14??34'13 in house 8
Mars Sagittarius 0??58'41 end of house 11
Jupiter Capricorn 3??17'37 in house 1
Saturn Scorpio 10??48'56 in house 10
Uranus Sagittarius 9??32'01 in house 12
Neptune Sagittarius 28??46'26 in house 1
Pluto Libra 29??47'26 in house 10
True Node Gemini 2??29'42 in house 6


Me:
Sun Libra 0??54'15 in house 12
Moon Sagittarius 21??18'47 in house 3
Mercury Libra 16??11'03 in house 1
Venus Virgo 20??19'06 in house 12
Mars Sagittarius 2??54'19 end of house 2
Jupiter Scorpio 10??15'20 in house 2
Saturn Libra 22??13'14 in house 1
Uranus Sagittarius 1??27'47 end of house 2
Neptune Sagittarius 24??21'56 in house 3
Pluto Libra 25??49'48 in house 1
True Node Cancer 9??34'07 end of house 9


I'm not beating about the bush, it's just that my sag moon can be overwhelming so I need to make sure I say it the right way, that I won't regret!

Rocky - if taking into account someone elses point of view prior to resolving a conflict appears like manipulation, then i agree we are rather manipulative because we want you to feel heard prior to reaching a resolution. Its all about being fair and balanced which may appear as manipulative to others!

Some of the responses are to be taken with a pinch of salt. I highly doubt sola would do something as silly as trap him in a car - well dont cars open from within unless of course they are child locked - lol!

Jokes apart - we love confrontation - anything to thrash out issues! But when push comes to shove, and if we are high strung we will disappear to calm down, but believe me - we will be back! Unless of course we feel like you just dont get it! In which case we will present our case and that will be it!

Sola - its of no use trying to ask someone what their problem is if they refuse to speak up. Do you really want to waste your time?

Posted by Sola
Yeah, I will definitely avoid the "tit for tat" tactics..not my style at all! He is a leo. I will post our charts!

Ugh, that ego. No wonder you're having issues. He's acting like a child.

Be up front and direct in what's bothering you. Fire signs may not pick up on what's bothering you/realize what they're doing when it happens, so as long as you're honest, most can appreciate the honesty for what its worth. If he really cares about you, he'll take what you say to heart and make an attempt to change.

If he throws an egotistical fit, I don't blame you for wanting to bail.

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Sugarfoot
When he breaks the silence, either tell him that you want to take a break because you don't think he has good conflict resolution skills. Or, when he comes back, give HIM the silent treatment to the point that he thinks he lost you and he apologizes for his behavior (on his own).

I'm all about going on the offense.

This approach also screams lack of conflict resolution skills since it's incredibly immature and catty. You're showing the classic Libran manipulation you deny, m'dear.

On the contrary "dear", I've never denied being immature, catty, or said that I've never manipulated anyone before. As a matter of fact, I recall posting on this very forum just last week that I can be immature. I'm not someone who ever tries to play the know-it-all or little miss perfect role. I'm very aware of my faults but thanks anyway.

click to expand

Yes, but you've defended/justified the same behaviors and attitudes that many come here bitching about.

If you know you're so immature, why are you offering up advice in how to handle this appropriately, which is what she was asking for? She's asking for some legit help, not how to handle this like a teenage girl.

Posted by Starry22
Rocky - if taking into account someone elses point of view prior to resolving a conflict appears like manipulation, then i agree we are rather manipulative because we want you to feel heard prior to reaching a resolution. Its all about being fair and balanced which may appear as manipulative to others!

"You're treating me this way?? WELL I'M GOING TO DO THE SAME BACK!! NAH NAH NAH!!"

Yes. You should be proud of yourselves. Such graceful ways of attaining "balance" by means of cowardice.

Posted by size zero superhero


why play along if the game doesn't fly w/you? if you make with the desired reaction, you'll be perceived as a responsive target; they're likely to rely on the same tactics in subsequent butthurt episodes. why would someone bother learning to resolve disputes directly & verbally if mute sulking is both easier and highly effective?

LOL 😆

click to expand

Yeah, but confronting him/calling him out on it is far from begging/giving him his reaction he wants. She can be the better person, call him out on his shit, and if he chooses not to change, at least she can say she did her bit to clarify instead of leaving some muddled grey area and doing "the fade" by dropping him.

With egos like that, you can't leave much leeway for them to retaliate with some sob story. "WELL YOU DISAPPEARED!! POOR ME!"

vs

"Hey, wtf is this? Have I done something to make you upset? Oh, that's how you want to react? Bye bitch."

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Starry22
Rocky - if taking into account someone elses point of view prior to resolving a conflict appears like manipulation, then i agree we are rather manipulative because we want you to feel heard prior to reaching a resolution. Its all about being fair and balanced which may appear as manipulative to others!

"You're treating me this way?? WELL I'M GOING TO DO THE SAME BACK!! NAH NAH NAH!!"

Yes. You should be proud of yourselves. Such graceful ways of attaining "balance" by means of cowardice.

Posted by size zero superhero


why play along if the game doesn't fly w/you? if you make with the desired reaction, you'll be perceived as a responsive target; they're likely to rely on the same tactics in subsequent butthurt episodes. why would someone bother learning to resolve disputes directly & verbally if mute sulking is both easier and highly effective?

LOL 😆

Yeah, but confronting him/calling him out on it is far from begging/giving him his reaction he wants. She can be the better person, call him out on his shit, and if he chooses not to change, at least she can say she did her bit to clarify instead of leaving some muddled grey area and doing "the fade" by dropping him.

With egos like that, you can't leave much leeway for them to retaliate with some sob story. "WELL YOU DISAPPEARED!! POOR ME!"

vs

"Hey, wtf is this? Have I done something to make you upset? Oh, that's how you want to react? Bye bitch."

click to expand

Rocky - i never stated that you should do what the other is doing unto you. That is just wrong! And does not bode well with us.

What i say is that we will hear you out and try to reach a midpoint - its not a case of who is right and who is wrong. Its a case of yes you are right here and i am right on that point. Lets reach an agreement on what is acceptable to both. However, most people would rather just stick to their own guns and get all their proposals accepted least considering the fact that heres someone who is contesting your opinion just so that the final decision is fair to both parties. So if contesting your opinion to reach an amicable agreement which is acceptable to both parties is construed as manipulation -

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Sugarfoot
When he breaks the silence, either tell him that you want to take a break because you don't think he has good conflict resolution skills. Or, when he comes back, give HIM the silent treatment to the point that he thinks he lost you and he apologizes for his behavior (on his own).

I'm all about going on the offense.

This approach also screams lack of conflict resolution skills since it's incredibly immature and catty. You're showing the classic Libran manipulation you deny, m'dear.


OP, the fact that you're asking this without "appearing" aggressive says a lot about you.

It's pretty simple. Just ask. "Hey, is something wrong because I've noticed you've been acting this way. Have I done something that I'm not aware of that's upset you?"

Go from there.

This dipshit, childish approach of giving him the silent treatment back in order to manipulate him is fucking stupid. So's trapping him in your car to talk.

Find a neutral place to talk about it where there's at least a level of comfort in which he won't clam up because of the circumstances.

click to expand

+10000.

He's a leo then you should ask him straight up what is wrong. Do not I mean DO NOT play games with us and try to manipulate us because we can see that and your plan will only backfire. Always be honest and straight forward. Also we don't like confrontation and we don't like to hurt people's feelings so that could explain why he's been distant. He doesn't want to bring up the problem so just ask nicely and you'll get good results.

There was never any intention if manipulation. All I needed was an idea of an opening to the conversation and I think I have found the perfect thing to say 🙂 Thanks for all the comments!

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by MoonshineLeo
He's a leo then you should ask him straight up what is wrong. Do not I mean DO NOT play games with us and try to manipulate us because we can see that and your plan will only backfire. Always be honest and straight forward. Also we don't like confrontation and we don't like to hurt people's feelings so that could explain why he's been distant. He doesn't want to bring up the problem so just ask nicely and you'll get good results.

ummm...This post and the replies to it are so confusing to me. Isn't he the one manipulating and playing games with her by giving her the silent treatment—

I'm at a loss here. So, the advice is to cater to someone who is playing games—? How is this positive? And what about my suggestion is so awful? I'm interested in hearing out the other perspective on this one because I'm not seeing them myself and no one has articulated them clearly. Anyone care to explain?

click to expand

How the hell is confronting someone and calling them out on their bullshit "catering" to them?

If she were pleading or chasing after him, then yes, that would be catering. But she essentially wants to call him out, figure out wtf his malfunction is, and is willing to walk away because this shit isn't cool.

What I want to know is how you think returning the same behavior solves this problem? If he's not talking to her and she's not talking to him, pray tell where does the conflict resolution step in? That whopping Leo ego won't budge if she decides to go MIA because I doubt he'll be the first to break the ice and would be the first to cry victim at her own silence.

If she confronts his crap, she can say she did something to resolve the situation and he won't have a leg to stand on with his own behavior. He's the sole source of the issue here. By taking this other passive, childish approach, she's adding to the problem.

Here's what I am going to say (tomorrow on the quarter moon):

You know, I don't know why you've been acting weird recently, maybe you have some things you have to deal with, or maybe somewhere along the line you got a problem with me? All im prepared to say is that I don't know you well enough to get aggressive about how you've gone about it, what I will say is that if you see us in a more serious capacity, the next time want to pull a similar stunt I will drop your arse like a hot potato. If you don't like my attitude, leave..I can be upfront about it because i'm not scared to lose.

There..that should work !

Posted by Sola
Here's what I am going to say (tomorrow on the quarter moon):

You know, I don't know why you've been acting weird recently, maybe you have some things you have to deal with, or maybe somewhere along the line you got a problem with me? All im prepared to say is that I don't know you well enough to get aggressive about how you've gone about it, what I will say is that if you see us in a more serious capacity, the next time want to pull a similar stunt I will drop your arse like a hot potato. If you don't like my attitude, leave..I can be upfront about it because i'm not scared to lose.

There..that should work !

Eh, you should change the bit about "the next time." It's too forgiving and gives leeway.

Maybe state something like "If you see us in a more serious capacity, I will not tolerate this or I will drop you like a hot potato." Maybe even open it up as "hey, is something wrong? You've been distant lately. Everything okay?" If he feeds you some bs, clarify that you don't appreciate his behavior toward you as it's highly disrespectful and if he sees this as something that'll turn serious, you won't be tolerating such behavior and disrespect in a relationhip- that you'd rather be single than be treated so poorly and wouldn't hesitate to drop him.

You leave little things open like "next time" it means that you're giving him the impression that you've tolerated all of this enough and you're giving him one more chance.

Given what you've said, how long have you been seeing this guy? Has it just been casual dating?

Posted by Sugarfoot
@ Rocky

Oh ok. You could have done that without the hostility. What are you so angry about anyway? I don't remember doing anything to you. LOL.

The hostility comes from the fact that you're giving input that isn't exactly beneficial for the situation. It's why I get pissy with anyone here who gives misleading advice because it is not necessarily the most appropriate nor does it benefit the OP who seeks whatever advice.

Yes, it always will vary due to a matter of opinion, but when advice is given with no clear consideration for what it would do to the OP long term, that's when it's an issue.

I understand your approach but despite your claims, it's incredibly passive aggressive and childish and accomplishes nothing, tbh. You're just letting your ego take over on that aspect "oh you confront because you fear losing them." No, sometimes people just need to be told wtf is going on. Once it's known, if there's no improvement, or a refusal to admit any wrongdoing, by all means, shut their asses out.

I have to wonder what planet you live on that you see any sort of conversation in regard to mistreatment as "passive." Passive is just disappearing/shutting someone out with zero explanation.

So, the talk happened today!! He took it pretty well when I asked straight up "have you got a problem"?! He says he has many, but denied he had changed, and then that's when I said, "well how comes you've gone from being the chatty man to the invisible man? Because if i'm right about some cat-and-mouse game going on, you're arse is dropped like a hot potato"!! I had to say it. He laughed, but knew he was defeated by my directness. Negative thing is i have become obsessed, it needs to leave my system asap because im not liking my emotional reactions to this guy (BECAUSE HES SO HAWT)!. I can tell its just meant to be TOXIC!!!!

Posted by Sola
So, the talk happened today!! He took it pretty well when I asked straight up "have you got a problem"?! He says he has many, but denied he had changed, and then that's when I said, "well how comes you've gone from being the chatty man to the invisible man? Because if i'm right about some cat-and-mouse game going on, you're arse is dropped like a hot potato"!! I had to say it. He laughed, but knew he was defeated by my directness. Negative thing is i have become obsessed, it needs to leave my system asap because im not liking my emotional reactions to this guy (BECAUSE HES SO HAWT)!. I can tell its just meant to be TOXIC!!!!

Now the big question is, "is he going to change?" You gotta see how he responds from this point on.

Well isn't that the million dollar question?! I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt..and if he doesn't then its the start of a retreat from me.

Sounds like a plan, tbh. It's about all you can do at this point.

At least now, you've made it clear that this shit is something you aren't down for. If he proceeds with said shitty behavior, then it's all on him and he's got no excuses, tbh.

When you take an approach of just dropping them without explanation/treating them the same, now there's miscommunication on both sides and neither can justify actions because both are in the wrong.