New, looking for some libra insight! Please :-) (Page 3)

Some men are slow sexual movers. Obviously, emotionally, he isn't ready to make the leap into .... ahhh .... you. 🙂

He is a big boy. He will figure it out. He can look after himself. Maybe his ex-cheated on him. Maybe he had a really bad experience. Who knows? He will either fix it or he won't. If he doesn't, just know it is his baggage and nothing you can do about it. He isn't emotionally ready yet. Nothing he can do. Nothing you can do.

But don't take it as a judgement on you or your attractiveness.

If he can't get it together, then you have to try to find someone who is emotionally ready to leap .... ahhh.... into you.

🙂

I said you will come off as clingy, I was not indicating you are clingy...sorry if that came across that way.

He is a big boy. He will figure it out. He can look after himself. Maybe his ex-cheated on him. Maybe he had a really bad experience. Who knows? He will either fix it or he won't. If he doesn't, just know it is his baggage and nothing you can do about it. He isn't emotionally ready yet. Nothing he can do. Nothing you can do.

But don't take it as a judgement on you or your attractiveness.

I totally concur....

more than likely it stems from a past experience and he knew that it would change the dynamics of the relationship which it could and would and again you don't really know who else he's involved with, could be in the midst of ending a previous relationship and doesn't want to mislead anyone. Sounds like a good guy though, be patient and let him figure it out, in the mean time keep being positive and give him space.

LOL @ leap into me.

The part that throws me, is that I know he's had a bunch of one-night-stands in his past. So, that adds to my confusion.

I've gathered that he has some committment issues, based on past conversations. As in other women have called him committment phobic, lol. I have my own committment issues, but I've had long term relationships. I'm not so sure about him.

He's only had 5 relationships in his life and they've only lasted 6-7 months each. He's 43 btw......

"I said you will come off as clingy, I was not indicating you are clingy...sorry if that came across that way."

NO hard feelings! I know I sounded that way on here. But, only on here, and with my friends. No man will see me sweat! That's why I'm thankful for this forum :-)

you know I was thinking, if he's more accustomed to casual relationships, maybe he got nervous that he would put you into that category and pulled back

from what I have been told from other men, once a man puts you into the casual category there is a slim chance a woman goes from casual to serious and he didn't want to go in that direction....just a thought

Impotence..jus another thought (:

He just has baggage baby.

I hate that I am at the age where everyone has been there, done that, and has the battle scars to prove it.

Men attach meaning to sex. Don't be fooled.

Men attach meaning to sex. Don't be fooled.

Amen....What was I thinking!! LMAO!

hmmrooo?

Don't follow you tiki.

I don't follow me either sometimes (:

one of my off days

lol!

okey dokey!

🙂

"you know I was thinking, if he's more accustomed to casual relationships, maybe he got nervous that he would put you into that category and pulled back"

from what I have been told from other men, once a man puts you into the casual category there is a slim chance a woman goes from casual to serious and he didn't want to go in that direction....just a thought

Impotence..jus another thought (:

I like that :-) Not trying to be too negative, but I was thinking that it could be that he only wants something casual, and knows that I'm not into casual sex (I basically alluded to that at dinner to explain the date before). That's been my feeling all along.

However, I still can't believe a hot blooded male would turn down sex. He could have just done it, and never called after that, or just not be available! (p.s. he had wood, then lost it when he changed his mind, lol)

AQ, we live in such a world of Catch 22's. You are confused as to why he turned down sex with you.

Yet, just imagine how confused you'd be right now had he NOT turned down sex and then not called you on top of that.

Just go with the flow. If he likes you, he'll come around. If he's into casual relationships, then you have to accept that or find a guy who knows you may want more than that.

It really doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you do. You can say I have never had sex on the first date till the cows come home ... if you do ... you just did. Ya know?

It is an emotional thing. He is having an emotional meltdown about something. Unless he tells you, it isn't your business. Know what I mean?

Personally, I HATE when people pry into my emotional business. Just be calm. Worry about other stuff. If you don't hear from him in a week or two, call him.

HP as sick as this sounds, that would be soooo much easier, lol! If he didn't call after sex I can be pissed off and angry. I'm much better at being pissed and angry than I am being totally confused.

I could totally justify his actions (he's commitment phobic, a jerk, etc. of course I'd still be thinking negative things about myself, but not as much as bashing him to my friends, lol) I really deal well with black and white. This is just so gray!

I feel so much better after I texted him yesterday. Even before he responded. Sort of like I did what I could to make peace, and that's that. I'm fine at this point if he doesn't contact me again (I say that now, lol), but I hate not knowing why it happened in the first place. I know only he can answer that, but I don't think I'm going to get a straight answer.

Thanks to everyone with your patience with me 😉

Seriously. It has nothing to do with you. It is HIS emotional baggage.

YOU were just the trigger.

People whig out sometimes.

I dunno, what his deal is. Ask him.

***from what I have been told from other men, once a man puts you into the casual category there is a slim chance a woman goes from casual to serious and he didn't want to go in that direction....just a thought***

Sorry, this has proven to be wrong with me on a number of occasions except one or two. But then, I was the one who wanted to be only casual in most of those, and a marriage came out of another one of those casual relationships. I guess it depends on the two individual and how sexually in tuned you are and how that spills over into feelings and emotions and then not being able to be without the other. Oh, okay, I am back. Drifted for a moment 🙂

"I'm fine at this point if he doesn't contact me again (I say that now, lol), but I hate not knowing why it happened in the first place. I know only he can answer that, but I don't think I'm going to get a straight answer."

AQ, if you're fine at this point, then why the qualms of just asking him what's up? I have no problem doing that and you say you're a strong, direct, and don't sweat in front of them. It can be done unemotionally and tactfully. If you hate not knowing what is going on in his noggin, then ask him. You won't ever know if you'll get a straight answer unless you ask him.

"I guess it depends on the two individual and how sexually in tuned you are and how that spills over into feelings and emotions and then not being able to be without the other. Oh, okay, I am back. Drifted for a moment"

Great, now I'm drifting...oh what a feeling, huh QS?

The only reason I wouldn't ask him what he's thinking is because I told him that I/We could just pretend that it didn't happen, move on, and go back to where we were. That really seemed to make him happy.

I didn't tell him that I wouldn't try to figure it out, by asking other questions/checking out his actions in the future 😉 IF I get the chance.

I shouldn't have used the word Fine, because I'm really not. I want to be fine. But that's only going to happen when I get to talk to him. I'm in waiting mode.

"I shouldn't have used the word Fine, because I'm really not. I want to be fine. "

You just said the words you should tell him to get him to talk...

I think that if he calls (esp. if he schedules another date), that that will give me some of the answers I need. That he's still interested, that he's attracted to me, that he's willing to try, etc. That in itself would help alleviate alot of my fears.

That in itself would help alleviate alot of my fears.

What exactly are your fears?

curious

Fears: That he would go on five dates with me and not actually find me attractive. That he's playing some kind of mind game. Big one: that it's something that I did to turn him off sexually. That he doesn't really like me as a person, that he just wanted something to do to fill his time.

Hypothetically speaking

what if he did feel this way?

How would you feel about yourself if he did feel the way you described?

***Great, now I'm drifting...oh what a feeling, huh QS?***

Dammit Man what a feeling! 🙂

***Fears: That he would go on five dates with me and not actually find me attractive. That he's playing some kind of mind game. Big one: that it's something that I did to turn him off sexually. That he doesn't really like me as a person, that he just wanted something to do to fill his time.***

To get these answered. Call him and ask. Or, make a lunch date... Simple. We really won't be able to answer these.

***The only reason I wouldn't ask him what he's thinking is because I told him that I/We could just pretend that it didn't happen, move on, and go back to where we were. That really seemed to make him happy.***

Okay in reality it is bothering you, so just tell him that and you changed your mind because it is bothering you.

Well, I've been having a bad dating streak lately. Started with breaking up twice with someone I really was in love with. I took a break, then met a string of strangeness. Really obsessive men, old boyfriends coming out of the woodwork, a string of single dates...the ones I wanted to go out with again didn't want to go out with me, and the ones I didn't want to date, wanted to date me.

Before this episode, I was already wondering if it was something that I was doing/putting out there. So, I found one that I liked, and that seemed to like me, then this happened.

I know it's not the end of the world if he feels like that. However, I've been doing alot of self-evaluation prior to this, and it looks like I would have to go back to the drawing board.

QS, I really don't think I can call him. I'd feel like I was desperate, and I don't want him to think that. He already crushed my pride once.

He couldn't tell me the answers when I asked him when it happened. He told me he likes me, but he's just not there yet. It was too soon (but took my damn clothes off?!?!)

I guess my advice sucks...

"I guess my advice sucks..."

😢 I'm confused! You've given me great advice!!!! I texted him yesterday because of you!!!

What am I missing 😢

I seriously wouldn't call and ask him.

Let him come to you about it. You can't push intimacy. He is probably horribly embarrassed and doesn't want to talk about it. Let him get himself together and deal with it first.

* He couldn't tell me the answers when I asked him when it happened. He told me he likes me, but he's just not there yet. It was too soon (but took my damn clothes off?!?!)

BECAUSE IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU! Listen to what he said ... he isn't there yet. He isn't ready for what it represents between you, in his own mind. It is his emotional stuff and has nothing to do with you.

You were just the trigger.

* That he doesn't really like me as a person, that he just wanted something to do to fill his time.

I can guarantee if he didn't like you as a person he would have nailed you and not cared. Whatever happened ... it is because he likes you but may not, at this time, be able to move your relationship forward, for any number of reasons.

Patience is the key with these PITA's

(((aries)))

I totally missed your post re: bad dating streak.

I FEEL ya! I have been on a horrific bad dating streak. At least men aren't crying on dates with me anymore and/or their ex's aren't showing up unexpectedly. Now they are confused and poofing. Progress!

Keep your humour.

Maybe you need this time to heal. I think that is the lesson in it for me. I needed time to heal after my last relationship.

"Patience is the key with these PITA's"

PITA is right! Do you have any patience to share, lol?

(((aries)))

Thanks :-) I NEEDED that, lol! I'm sorry you can relate. Crying men?!? Oh, no, that would kill me.

I honestly thought I was healed after the true heartbreak. I was finally ready to go out again. Then again, maybe I'm not. It's been over a year, and I did have a "normal" relationship in between. I'm not actively looking right now, I don't think I can handle any more, lol.

look at the positive side, you got 5 great dates and he could have been a total jerk and slept with you, never to call again.

don't over analyze the situation, as little sparrow said let him come to you...you have contacted him via text....the ball is in his court.

you really won't know what he's thinking until you speak to him about it until then every perspective given is pure speculation.

***He couldn't tell me the answers when I asked him when it happened. He told me he likes me, but he's just not there yet. It was too soon (but took my damn clothes off?!?!)***

Maybe that is the answer.

Yeah. During sex. Good times!

The whole first year I was single I only met guys in relationships or married. Then I moved onto the guy that just broke up with girlfriend ... he was the guy that cried during sex and periodically during our dates. Oddly that didn't work out. LOL!

Then I progressed to psycho ex-gfs and confused boys who poof.

For awhile, I was actually writing a little column for regarding my dating life because it was just so outrageous.

The one thing I have learned is it is not personal. It is all about luck and timing. All my married friends went through a bad streak like this before meeting their partner.

I have learned SOOOooo much in these two years. (or soon to be two years.)

Bad dating happens.

🙂

* Bad dating happens.

But if you keep your humour about it, bad dating can be some of the most fun you ever have.

Chin up. Tits out.

🙂

"you have contacted him via text....the ball is in his court."

Oh my...what did I say a few times yesterday and today? My opinion means shit, huh?
LOL

***I have learned SOOOooo much in these two years. (or soon to be two years.)

Bad dating happens.***

Ditto... Been there, but ahhh what a relief when you find "that one" Nothing else from the past really matter then.

Tiki....."look at the positive side, you got 5 great dates and he could have been a total jerk and slept with you, never to call again.

So true....I've got to be positive. At least I got to the fifth, with someone I wanted to, lol.

QS "Maybe that is the answer."

It most likely is, hopefully I'll laugh at this situation in the near future......or never date again, lol.

LS "Yeah. During sex. Good times!"

I'm sorry, but I'm LMAO! OMG, I didn't think it could get worse. Whee, something to look forward too :-)

My friends think I should write a book too. I'm going to call it "WTF was I thinking", lol.

"Oh my...what did I say a few times yesterday and today? My opinion means butter, huh?
LOL"

HP - Great advice :-) We all know it, and it worked!

"Ditto... Been there, but ahhh what a relief when you find "that one" Nothing else from the past really matter then."

QS - I can't wait! I take it you're in a good relationship/married?

"Chin up. Tits out."

Do padded bras count? :-)