taking some time vs. brush off (Page 4)

HIM: hiya 🙂.. are you home now?
ME: yes hi
HIM: how are you ? and what are you up to? 😄
ME: emailing
HIM: were you e-mailing me something too? :p
ME: what would ou want?
HIM: you :p
ME: you odn't know me?
ME: how would you know if you wan tme/
HIM: but that would be one way to know each other , right? lol
ME: to email you?
HIM: btw, when did you get back in town?
ME: to know each other? so that means you are not involved with anyone right now?
HIM: speaking of you knowing each other more, do you have a pic or webcam? 😉
ME: i got back into town on sunday
ME: but i just can't remember where we first started chatting
HIM: no, I am not involved with anyone right now. Assuming you're not either, right?
ME: i had your screenname written down
ME: you'e not involved with anyone? i thought you said you were seeing someone...was that just a brief thing?
ME: are you looking for a relationship or just fun?
HIM: I'm looking for both (with the same person of course 🙂 )
HIM: what about you?
ME: same
ME: hey do you want to call me?
HIM: sure.
ME: ready for the number?
HIM: can you also send me a pic (or webcam)? 🙂
HIM: yes, I am
ME: ***-**-****
ME: fuck you Jack
HIM: got it.. and btw, I knew it was you trying to trick me all along.. even with the phone numbers.. I was just wondering how far you were going to taek this.

HIM: I am totally invisible. I only turned it on for you to see why you were trying to tick me like that (when I said I was going to call you shortly).
ME: are you going to answer my questions or not?
ME: you're avoiding them for some reason
HIM: which ones? that I led you on?
ME: why you have my other ID blocked out when you log in is the first question
HIM: I didn't lead you on.. I liked and do like you. and when we met, I said that I'd like to meet someone and see how things progress from there.. that hasn't changed at all
ME: this is not the first night you've been logged in with you in stealth for the other ID.
HIM: the only that has (or basically got worse depending on how you look at it ) is that my family committments got worse and my so called vacation time has been anything but that.

ME: are you saying, with God as your witness, that you have not intentionally led me on, or avoided me , in ANY shape or form?
HIM: I know you have and you were dealing with that (thank you for doing that btw), but at the same time, this is not the best way to meet someone and get to know them.. so I don't think it is fair for the person I'm with (you in this case) or for me...
HIM: yes!
HIM: if I were avoiding you, why would I txt message you or talk to you and so on...?
ME: because it's convenient for you to call on your terms
ME: i have waited for you to call or message me
ME: if you think about it, i gave up on calling you because you never answered when i called
HIM: because I know you are going through a lot and I'm not able to be there for you. and that's only one example ..
ME: ok, so tell me this
ME: and i want your absolute honest answer
ME: DO I WALK AWAY NOW? DO YOU NOT WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I OFFER?
HIM: let me answer the questions in reverse. Yes, I would like to know who you are and what you want to offer.
ME: do i walk away and let you decide when/if i hear from you again?
HIM: do you walk away now? (since you like black/white answers at times, which I agree with you on that), with the way things are right now in our lives, I think it's probably best that you walk away now (because I certainly don't want to hurt you and most definitely not lead you on intentionally or unintentionally).
ME: you pursued me and i tried to walk away twice....why didn't you just let me if you didn't care
HIM: because I did/do care.. and again, one more time, the reason I just said what I just said was because I do care.
HIM: 😢 I really must go 😢 they keep calling me. I promise to call you.. if not tonight, tomorrow. promise
HIM: I gotta go :*

HIM: I'll say this though, I most certainly don't want to cut communication with you (unless you want to). Because no matter how life is for us (you, me..), I don't want to ever loose that friendship that we already started

The only place in that conversation I can possibly see that he figured it was me was when he asked early on if he could see a picture or a camera...other than that, I'm not 100% sold on this.

I do find it interesting that he logged in promptly at 8 pm....lol

HP.. WOW!

SO what do you think?

tell me what you think?

So, can you do the "friend thing" with him?

from a distance, but i don't buy that part. i think he used that part as a smooth over to log out.

I don't think he knew it was you. He made no reference in the messages to anything specific to you. If he thought it was you, it seems like he would have asked more specific questions as it pertains to you... to give you hints he knew it was you..
or trying to see if it was you. Instead of blindly going into a conversation.

How old is he?

Did he ever answer your question about his ID and blocking you out??

Are you still angry... did you get the satisfaction you need from this?


And who was calling him?? What is up with that?

he was back pedaling i think...he very well might have thought it was me, but the words he used in the beginning were just not inquisitive enough...at least if i thought someone was trying to pull something over on me, i would be more who is this? how do you know? but he went right into flirting..it was exactly how he first pursued me.

I called him from a calling card twice, but it wasn't meant to be sneaky it was just that my cell phone died. so that is one other reason why i could possibly believe he thought i was up to something - because he was getting unnoticable numbers on his phone all of a sudden.

From here it appears your hands are tied. You have to allow him AND you some cool down time. I know you think it is over, but you still have feelings.. I can tell. Maybe when you are not so angry you can talk, like friends, and hash through this. He is going to question your motives now, though, so be on guard. Like, someone said in the previous posts.... the next time you talk you are going to have to pour on the sweetness.

I know it is hard.. your emotions have the best of you right now. You want to call him and go off... I feel it cuz I want to too. The charm is killing me in his IM's. I can see how you can get caught up, he is smooth. You know him best. Is he a sincere person, or a flake? Hopefully the Libra's can get on tomorrow and analyze this one. thelibran or Libra would be good with this one. They are very aware of how the libra male works and wiggles to get what he wants. Especially Libra. I am amazed.

How are you doing??

HP..because he was getting unnoticable numbers on his phone all of a sudden...

Gotcha! Then yes, maybe he did think it was you. Especially, if he never gets IM's from strange people. Did he answer his phone when you called? Did you leave a message?

I'm fine. Or I will be fine. Yes, I have mentioned several times how charming he is, haven't I?

Is he young?

He didn't answer his phone and I didn't leave a message...but still I'm having a hard time believing the "BTW< I knew it was you" bit.

and notice how he totally skirted why he put my other id in stealth and not the new one? that's why i don't buy the "when i log in, i'm totally invisible"...yeah just for my ID

oh he's 38

notice the infamous "promise" I told you all about?

i laughed at that "promise"

Some of the previous posts about him were amazing.. the flowers he sent before he got home, the calls every morning...

I mean, you may just have to focus on the fact that he has shown interest in the past, you have not given up anything, which is good!!! So you have little to lose. But you gotta let go now and let him think things through. Let fate do it's work, while you bite your tongue off.. like me!🙂

and notice how he totally skirted why he put my other id in stealth and not the new one? that's why i don't buy the "when i log in, i'm totally invisible"...yeah just for my ID

WOW! Sneaky. So he did not want you to know when he was online?

HP....I agree with aquarianbrat....leave it for now and if/when he contacts you again, and he will, act all calm and sweet, etc. If, on the other hand you just want to cut him dead so be it although I think we all know you won't LOL.

Hmmmmmm tis hard that's for sure but don't call him anymore, don't bother....let him THINK about it all now.

xx

I missed the promise... let me go back.

Chatz.. did you see how smooth he was though..

He wiggled out of a lot there.

"I most certainly don't want to cut communication with you (unless you want to). "

This is putting this all in my lap....like he's happy-go-lucky to go with whatever decision I make. That irks me.

I don't think he'll call...like all of th eother promises to call, it's the same pattern.

HP..

..are you saying, with God as your witness, that you have not intentionally led me on, or avoided me , in ANY shape or form?

Too clingy and emotional. Got to back away to regain strength in his eyes...

...because I know you are going through a lot and I'm not able to be there for you. and that's only one example ..

Too clingy and emotional. He is trying to avoid anything deep with you it appears. I think this is a Libra thing. If things are too much for them, like if our personal lives seem like it may be demanding on them, they will start to pull away. But I am learning, all men pull away from all the women they like. All of them. Married, single, dating.. it is a natural response, when a man gets close they have to pull away for a while, then come back. The struggle is for us women to learn and accept that behavior, because it ain't gonna change. Instead of getting frustrated, let them go and let them come back when they are ready. They will appreciate you more and the relationship will be more of a comfort to them than a headache. It's like an oscelating fan... men oscelate towards you... then away.. and back. Don't fight the flow.

...they keep calling me. I promise to call you.. if not tonight, tomorrow. promise

NOW TO THE PROMISE. Yeh! *sigh* He is killing me with the promise thing. I do not think he will call. He may text you though.

He thinks your playing games now, and it is going to be hard to regain your status with him, without time apart. He needs to miss you. He will not miss the game playing... he will miss your sweetness, kindness, (oah, and I am loving the "get well box" you put together for him. That was bad!) and your creativity.

Let it things simmer for a while... Can you do it?

brat, the promise was the last thing he typed.

Can you accept the challenge that has been placed before you Peach??

I know.

yeah i can do it. i asked my ex boyfriend to come over..at least i can have his shoulder for an hour or two tonight.

...brat, the promise was the last thing he typed

I was typing "I know" as a reply..

Did what I said make sense? You sound down. What do you think you should do??

I can accept the challenge because there isn't going to be much of a challenge. he isn't going to call. i tricked him and my status is changed with him and vise versa.

yes i'm down...i think that is natural and expected. the part that is most diappointing is that infamous "promise" which never comes, so neither will this one.

Sounds good.. 🙂

Well I am going to go to bed.. cuz I am pooped.. it is late here.

Hope all goes well tonight.

We'll chat soon.

he'll promise to call tonight...if not tomorrow...yeah that tomorrow will turn into 3 months...after i've moved on.

Gotta let go... Not let him go, but let go of the control in the relationship. Don't concentrate on the "promise", know that this is what is best right now. Later you will reap the rewards of patience. But you don't want him as your boyfriend now, things are not right and you will be further frustrated and the two of you will not have a happy union. When we withdrawal, we take back our self-control and that is more appealing.

Libras avoid a fight anyway. He is not going to want to keep dealing with this in a confrontational way and you already went off once... and I think you just did again, a little in the IM.

I could tell he was trying to avoid you confronting him in the IM.

We'll chat later...

I know I can be a hard nose sometimes, but I do have a lot of friends because I know how to be a good friend.

Have confidence in yourself... if he does not call, then it was not going to work out anyway. Eventually, you would have had a headache-boyfriend, and that is worse after you have invested your body, committment, time, energy and love... he dips out on you. Better now than later.

If you can do the friend thing.. that would be best. Wait until your feelings for him die, completely, and try to start from scratch as friends. (No flirting for the first 6 months, you won't be able to handle it)

It will be fine...

HP i dont think it will work for you smoothly. I have taurus friends. I loved them, I cared for them and am friendly with them. But the more I got close to them, there was always the same factor which i didnt wanted to handle. Stubborness. Taurus is subscribed to certain theories and libra cannot tolerate such things. We keep trying different methods to solve problems and never stop nor give up until we are lazy. I agree there is always a mutual interest btween libra and taurus but trust me 9 out of 10 cases it dont bring a fulfilling relationship as we both imagine. I am pretty sure libra has sensed it in a subconcious manner and that keeps him away from you even without his concious knowledge. But on the surface level he may be unaware of that and still "thinks" that it can work. So occasionally he may take an interest.

I have stopped looking around for gals from other groups and have been ignoring even the biggest crushes i am facing on a regular basis. So far I have been experimenting and playing with my own life thinking any girl to whom i am attracted can satisfy my needs completely but that has been proved wrong. Most Gemini, Aqua and few Libra, Aries can work smoothly even if I dont find that much needed attraction and gives me a satisfaction which I was unable to find elsewhere. So I am restricting myself to this area where I dont have to worry about the communication factor. That works no matter whichever way we play with each other. So I can free up my brain from psycho-analyzing others and wondering about potential possibilities.

I dont wish to make this sound like an advise but true happiness is found when you can talk any bs to your partner at any point of time and they dont judge you and still loves you. If at some point of time we see ourselfs playing drama or compromising our happiness to pursue someone, we can take it for granted that its not gonna work the way we imagine.

and to add a bit, i have always tried to imagine how good a taurus girl will be as a wife or as a mother to my kids since i hunt only "marriage material"(courtesy someone frm this board). And a taurus didnt gave me a satisfying result in my mental simulation of future.

and thats another point to note. We dont evaluate on the basis of current character or situations. We project a future and try to put people in places and see how they may function/malfunction on a certain role. I dunno if its just me but am sure few have done it. 🙂

Thanks, Aqi and Libran. Made some valid points and I will heed all the advice given.

After all that went down last night, I went out with a friend to get my mind off of things. After his 'promise' to call either last night or today, I get his infamous text message instead. And it pisses me off because it said "Good morning. Hope your day goes well. I just woke up after getting up at 5 am to take my brother to the airport. Needless to say, I crashed after I got back 🙂"

It ticks me off because he is acting as if nothing happened last night. I do not plan to respond.

Update on things. After we both broke things off in our own little way, I got a text message from him the following day acting as if nothing happened.

Then about an hour ago, I get a phone call from him. He called me earlier this morning but I was asleep and didn't answer, then called again while I was getting my hair cut. So when he called the third time today, I answered. He asked how I was doing and kind of just acted again like nothing happened the night before. I told him I was surprised that I got a text message from him and he asked why and I told him because of the way we left things the other night.
He said he didn't want us to break ties (again mentioned unless "I want to") and that he didn't want me to stop trying to spend time with him. I went on to tell him that I would call him, but I was going to start seeing other people again. His response "I can't tell you not to see other people". That threw me off base, but oh well...It's part of the Libra in him I'm sure. I had a friend over here when he called and he could hear his voice in the background. He asked who he was and how I knew him. I told him that this friend was just a friend and will remain just a friend even though he and his girlfriend are going through some rocky times. I got the impression that I sensed a bit of jealousy in his voice, but I could be wrong.

Just an update, guys. I'm doing fine for the most part, just need to figure out how to define this Libra if I let him stay in my life. He will not be the main prospect if I keep him around, as I already suspect I'm not his main prospect...but things will definitely take a turn in regard to how I interact with him.

Oh I ended the phone call early because me and my friend had to run an errand and he said he'd call me later on to finish our discussion and I told him that I had plans tonight but if I can answer the phone, I would.

HP74..

Okay, well things sound good... Sounds like your on the right track and the dude in the background will definitely help, unless he feels threatened, but you did not present it that way, good girl!

It will be hard, until you are able to let go of those feelings... You're going to always be back at the same point, mentally, even if you say nothing because nothing has changed.

Writing here helps and talking to other guys also helps. But speaking with him on a regular basis is going to keep the wound open until he comes clean and you two can talk openly about the issues.

It is apparent he really likes you! Now you just have to figure out how much you can handle.

HP47.. "I told him that I had plans tonight but if I can answer the phone, I would"

You GO GIRL!!

I'm impressed. I may have to come to you for advice...🙂

it does helps writing about it on here. thanks.

i'm stubborn, i know this...but my area is patience and it was truly tested with this man.