Thrown Off Guard

I figure I will share a bit of information from over the weekend. Not a long story, but it is something threw me off guard.

As most of you know, I've been dating someone for 8 months now. We've had a few disagreements but mostly we get along great...the best relationship I've had in regard to what we have in common and the fun we have and the ease of talking to one another...(and other unmentionable aspects 🙂)

Over the weekend, he and I were coming home from a night out and we were talking about general things. There was a bit of silence and then he says "I'm never going to have this again". I asked him what he meant and he said, "What you and I have is unbelievable. I'm never going to find someone like you again. I'm in no rush to get married right now, but I can see myself married to you and raising a family with you".

Whoa, that threw me off. Two nights prior I had gotten upset with him at a baseball game. We made up and we talked about what I was upset about. But for him to say this...wow.

Of course, I'm a typical goof. When he said all that, I just said "Aww, thanks!"...I should add that I might or might not have been a bit inebriated at the time he said all this. LOL

I am floating on a cloud 9 days out of 10 and it's a great feeling to know I have a man like him....

It's very beautiful indirect hinting...

He cannot tell you in any other way that he loves you, a lot.

it's a wonderul feeling, for sure. 🙂

not getting married...not anytime soon.

No, I don't want children.

I don't live by astrology. he and i get along great.

I do believe you're right about Libra being the sign of marriage and partnerships and that's fine. I'm not ready to be married and I don't want children for the fact that I will not have the reward of watching them grow up. I know that's selffish, but it's where I stand. This is one area where he and I see differently.

or the fact that one of the parents knows she won't live long enough to see her children grow up...

*one of the potential parents*

HP

He loves you! (Told you so. 😛)

I am sorry you are so sick honey. Take care of yourself for us.

Okay HP, you scared me with that last statement.

I really didn't see you as a person who didn't want to have children, at least one, for any other reason, besides a very serious one.

They are a joy and there is no greater love.

However, it seems this man wants to be with you and loves you regardless. Yay!!! Like I always say, when they love you, you will know, it will be obvious, no guessing games. Each just has a different way of expressing it.

And sometimes, love isn't enough. Or one person's level of love is different from the other and it doesn't work...

Good luck, yours definitely seem to be on track. You've got mail!!! Can't wait to see you guys when you come to Chicago!!!

Well ironic...a libra man who actually wants kids and a woman who chooses not to.


Anywho: Congrats HP on love and marriage 😉

thanks, QS. we're not coming the week i initially told you. i'll keep you posted.

***Well ironic...a libra man who actually wants kids and a woman who chooses not to.***

Lady_M, all the libra men I know either have kids and love them dearly and are great fathers, or want kids some day atleast one...

Personally, I don't think HP needs to justify why she does or doesn't want children to anyone. It is a personal choice, also a private choice.

Just sayin'.

I totally agree LS.

Yes I chose to share a certain amount of info. Details of my reasoning will not be revealed because I've never mentioned on this board what medical challenges I face (only that I've had surgery or am in recovery but never in detail). The prevelant purpose of posting what I did was to let those who cared to know in on what's been going on with my boyfriend and me recently. Those who care to read it are welcome. Somehow it seems like this comment he made was a marriage proposal but I didn't take it as such. I'm not ready to discuss marriage and although we haven't formally discussed my decision to not have a child, it usually CAN go hand in hand with marriage.

Any comments that any have made thus far have not been taken on the defensive. Everyone is entitled to what they want to say.

The only time I go on the defensive is when something is typed out of spite or unfairly judged.

But something like this is normal in terms of how peoples' opinions are. If someone had or plans to say something like , "HP, it's good you're not going to have children because you'd make a horrible mom"...well then I'd have to speak up. but this thread isn't like that....hopefully it won't turn into that either! 🙂

* Somehow it seems like this comment he made was a marriage proposal but I didn't take it as such.

I think the menfolk need practice before they actually ask. I am so pleased this is going well for you HP.

I don't think Libra

hee @ Leebra

He just needs to get use to the thought and the words. Good for you HP. Smooth sailing ahead.

I don't think Libra men are all that formal in the propose department.

I don't think HP's Libra is proposing. Whilst he feels right now that he could be with HP forever he is expressing his love for her, typically Libra style .

He cannot claim HP directly so hints and sees where it takes him. Him saying it also releases an emotion inside him that we cannot foresee prior to saying it...

"I thought that traditionally, Libra was the sign of marriage and partnership? I have met some extremely devoted Libra partners, and they are not the exception any rule, imo."

Based on my personal experiences and the experiences of other Libras around me...this is true. The challenge that lies beneath the surface is that we need to open up and allow ourselves to fall in love with the other person AND be in the relationship for the right reasons. A lot of Libras have the savior complex going on. We get into relationships where we feel like we are helping or guiding or in some way helping the other person and we allow that to be the source of our feelings. At least the guys, I am not sure if this is true for the girls.

A lot of Libra male relationships are one sided, the other person falls in love with and opens up to us, but we don't genuinely reciprocate. To make matters worse, we convince ourselves through various situational and circumstancial qualities that we are indeed falling in love and opening up. The truth is we are actually just showing the other person what we want them to see and feeling what they want us to feel.

As long as we are doing that, there is a definate risk involved regarding eyes and heart wandering.

Once we overcome this and allow ourselves to let go with someone. It's over, put a fork in us, you have us completely and definately.

We screw up a lot on the way there though. I think that is where a lot of the apprehension and cynicism towards us comes from. A lot of people have been on the recieving end of the "trying to fall in love" libra, saw the true potential of the "falling in love Libra", held out, and became victims of the "I fell in love with someone else" Libra.

Throw in a little of the Libra charm, charisma, empathy and as said by the book sextrology "the sign of sexual tallent" and you have a formula that can pull off this kind of behavior.

I'll go now, I could write a book on this.

She's always a woman to meeeee ....

hee

"I don't think Libra men are all that formal in the propose department."

I don't think I will be. I see it more as a cultural ritual than anything of real depth or importance.

If I love someone I will express how deeply I love them. If I want to marry them I will talk about my desire to marry them, if the conversation leads to both of us wanting marriage we will discuss getting married. Then we will set a date, pick out a ring together and go get married.

I have the same feelings about married. Find someone who is qualified to do the deed, do it, and get on with life. I am doing it because to demonstrate that I want to be with that person for the rest of my life, not because I want to demonstrate to other people I want to be with the one I love for the rest of my life. Anything else is just song and dance imo.

***Once in his bathroom on one knee on my kitchen floor. (No Ring)***

That is exactly where my Libra ex proposed to me with a beautiful 2 karat platnum ring... Then a romantic dinner and a weekend at the Syberis. They can be very unformal, but very romantic in such a unique way. This was the second proposal though. The first one, was on the grass as we strolled the lakeside, when I told him we weren't ready.

" In the bathroom on one knee, that is"

***The challenge that lies beneath the surface is that we need to open up and allow ourselves to fall in love with the other person AND be in the relationship for the right reasons. A lot of Libras have the savior complex going on. We get into relationships where we feel like we are helping or guiding or in some way helping the other person and we allow that to be the source of our feelings. At least the guys***

I do find this to be true, especially with my libra male friends (platonic) they always seem to get into relationships as captian save a _ _ _, then when the person starts to become dependant or emotional with them, they figure out it wasn't really love but empathy.

In my experience with the Librans I have who have been "in love" with me and I them. We connect on a more equal level, or a level where they don't feel they are saving or helping me per se. We are equally equiped to handle ourselves and connect on a genuinely compatible, emotional, intellectual and even spiritual level. When it is happening it is deep for both parties envolved. A surreal experience at best.

"The challenge that lies beneath the surface is that we need to open up and allow ourselves to fall in love with the other person AND be in the relationship for the right reasons."
So how do you know if your Libra truly likes/loves you? Any signs or do you just eventually find out? Or do you not even really know until then? The LAST thing I would want to be in is a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one with me! I don't need saving so I can't see the savoir thing applying to me, but very interesting as that completely describes his relationship with his ex. And what if I'm not the type to open up? Sorry w/ the 20 questions, I intuitively feel like everything is going well but now I'm wondering if I'm just a sucker for the killer Libra charisma and charm!
---

Glad your relationship is going well HP! Hope you are feeling better, you sound like a very strong person who can make it through anything.

You know when there is no question, when you can tell through his actions, word and deeds. They will let you know for sure eventually.

It's the overall dedication and constant drip feed reinforcement of how they feel about you. But they won't sit there and say 'I Love You' - it's all very indirect due to instinctive desire to play fair. We don't want to trap you with an I Love You. Because if you had not reached a similar point just yet we'd have a problem!

Thanks, firegirl.

* We connect on a more equal level, or a level where they don't feel they are saving or helping me per se. We are equally equiped to handle ourselves and connect on a genuinely compatible, emotional, intellectual and even spiritual level.

Yeah. I agree with that. I want an equal. I don't mind pulling my weight but I don't want to pull someone else's as well. It has to be balanced, trading, looking after each other as necessary.

* So how do you know if your Libra truly likes/loves you?

I squirm a lot! I light up. Think of a little puppy that is very happy to see you. I basically can't stop touching you, feed you every compliment in the book, can't wait to see you, bring you little tokens of affection (i.e. a beef jerky boquet complete with red ribbon).

I don't say I love you first for the exact reason Libra said. I will say I love everything about you, the way you smell, your face, etc but won't say I love you 'cause if the I love you isn't returned ... we have problems.

***bring you little tokens of affection (i.e. a beef jerky boquet complete with red ribbon).***

LOL!!! Yes, Librans are very untriditional yet very romantic. Love that LS!!

***bring you little tokens of affection (i.e. a beef jerky boquet complete with red ribbon).***

Definately. I think both sexes are the same way. We both like to do little things for the other person, both also like to dote on the other and it can be funny with two libras sometimes because someone has to be the dotee.

"Yes, Librans are very untriditional..."

I like this comment yet did not know it was true. I've heard 'your love is the best'.

Is it really different from others?

Oh, poor thinktank, I hope you are ok! How long were you dating for? They tend to change their minds so hopefully if it's meant to be it will work out in the end. Libra men are so dangerous for Aries, as they make for the ultimate challenge with their indecision whereas I get sick of other guys rather easily!

Its not warped at all....your affection/love for him is not superficial and your feelings won't go away that easily...OMG in October?? same as me!!!! Must be something in that LOL.

Firegirl is right, there may be a change of heart in the future (I said may though not will) as he misses you....just dont fall into the trap of texting/calling/emailing/whatever being all clingy...they hate that.

🙂

***Little_Sparrow, I'm so confused, that is exactly how my libra acts when he sees me, it's incredible how accurately you've described it, and it has been that way, and still is, but we just broke up today because he's moved across the ocean. ***

Sorry to hear thinktank. Librans are logical more so than emotional. He probably is "in love with you", however being that far away might make him think it is not logically possible. Long distance relationships can put a strain on a relationship like you wouldn't believe, trust me, I know.

I am so sorry to hear Thinktank. It is hard when a lover leaves. QS is right though.

* why didn't he want to continue the long distance relationship?

because he didn't think it was fair to either of you. It has nothing to do with love or lack of love ... it has to do with values. Why continue a relationship where you may not see the person for months at a time? One of you will probably meet someone else and build a new life with that person and the specialness of what you had will be forever tarnished as you come to hate each other for the pain you caused. Unless you moved with him, there is no point.

* he's not as into me as I would have liked him to.

Why do you assume this? He had his own life dreams to pursue. It has nothing to do with whether he loved you or not. If he gave up his dream of moving overseas for you, he would eventually come to resent you. Had you had the ambition of moving across the ocean, you would have been more compatible. But had you done it solely for him, you would have resented him because you gave up your whole life for him. THAT is how compatibility works and you can't get around it with love.

Please know I don't know why he moved over seas and am filling in some of the blanks myself.

Still, however mature you are about the situation, it still sucks, especially if it took you by surprise a bit. Sounds like you had some inclinations that something wasn't right (by your other posts) but not necesarily the extent of it. Now is the time to follow your own dreams, (after sufficient amounts of cocktails & junkfood!) and find someone who will accompany or follow you to whatever path leads to your ultimate happiness. Good luck, feel free to email me if you need to talk/write as a fellow Aries who understands the charming Libra spell!