why try?

I can't focus right now. I am sitting at work day dreaming, crying, thinking, staring at the wall... everything but working. I have been sitting here for about 45 minutes and have barely opened a file. I don't care. I type a few words on here then delete them and type a few more. I'm amazed there is still this much on the screen. My thoughts are so scattered non of this make sense to me.

Am I crazy? Me and my aqua broke up again this morning and this time I think it is for good. No person should affect me like this. My stomach is literally in knots, I feel like I am going to be sick. I feel like my face is all swelled up. I know my eyes look like I am high but I'm not this time. Maybe I should be. This is not healthy, it is like I am obsessed. Why do I still want to fix something that I know cannot work? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the textbook definition of insanity yet here I am thinking I can do it. And not just thinking I can do it, I moved my exwife across the country to be with us again. She is home now in my room probably sleeping like a baby. I doubt she even blinked after I left this morning. Here I go again, why am I even thinking about what she is doing, she isn't my concern anymore.

I don't understand and can't stand being like this. All I wanted was to make her happy but I suck at it. It's like if I pay her attention then I must be trying to get laid and if I try to do my own thing then I am ignoring her. We go out and have a great time but if anything gives me even a single weird moment she shuts down and gets cold. I help her register for school again and find out when placement testing is and offer to help prep her for it, we talk about the schooling (nursing) she has had and how different drugd affect the brain, and which organs do what, the latin words that are used and how it is just leaning a few pieces and then reassembling them for medical terms... yet I don't care about her mind. I listen to the dreams/fantasy/irritations (big and little) she shares with me and turn them into reality if I think I can. She wanted to touch a lion so I made it happen, she had trouble sleeping during the day (works overnight) with the sun beating in the bedroom window and making it too hot & bright to sleep so I went and bought blackout shades and curtains and a standing fan... yet I don't listen to her. I cook, clean, bathe children, change diapers, do laundry... and run out of space to type...

Thanks Bling, I need to snap out of this cycle.

How do you keep a strong front up in front of them? I don't want this fog to follow me home.


I also don't want it to sound like it's all her or anything. I know I must be hard to live with but I actively try. I really think it just boils down to us being too different. We get along great but just don't do well in a relationship together, it's maddening.

She said this morning that she'd focus on saving her money and moving out as soon as possible. In the meantime I just need to not show it bothers me. My brother is making some space for me so I don't have to share a room on the nights she is off. I can't completely avoid her because of the kids and the fact that we all live togetehr right now. I will however stop doing things 'as a family', we need to start seperating that time.

Wow, but things were great between u two a few days ago, what brought up this new turn of events? Whats her moon sign? If u arent happy then maybe u should stop trying if u think she isnt trying as hard. As hard as it is to walk away sometimes, just remember that your own happiness lies on the decisions u make and the company u keep. I feel sorry for the kids, but a child is better off from a broken family than living in one. Im so sorry about what ur going through, trust in God and he'll show u the right way. For some reason i felt a good vibe for u two, maybe i was self projecting. Whatever the outcome is, i wish u good luck.

Here's her chart, I don't know birth time.


Sun Aquarius 5.40
Moon Libra 8.42
Mercury Aquarius 21.40
Venus Capricorn 18.04
Mars Aquarius 20.20
Jupiter Libra 10.24 R
Saturn Libra 9.44 R
Uranus Scorpio 29.27
Neptune Sagittarius 23.54
Pluto Libra 24.22
Lilith Scorpio 3.01
Asc node Leo 10.53


I am writing up an honest evaluation of what I think happened. I'm doing it so that I can get it all out of my head. It feels really good to write it down. Writing things down also helps my mind make it perminate instead of just being more thoughts, I've got way too many of those. I'll post it up here later since it's just the internet anyway. No one really knows me and it doesn't matter. Plus it may help me determine if I am crazy or not. It also might help someone who is dealing with a libra. At least it'll show how my mind works... if anyone can get through it all haha, I ramble sometimes. Especially about this...

Easy.

It's over, and you're under obligation.

Love is a feeling that cannot be forced or worked at.

You simply don't love her anymore; it's over. Your not in love.

Now it's up to you whether y0u want to do the companionship thing, which most people do for posterity, or you want something else.
Of course, she's lucky to have someone so thoughtful as you, but you deserve to have someone who makes you happy.

It's your call...

i dont understand what happened. but you truly sound unhappy. if i read something like this from the person i care about it would break my heart, that i made them that unhappy. 😢

i hope you both can come to a decision that will make both of you happy.

Dude, you sound like a great guy, and it really is her loss. Why don't I ever meet guys like you? 😢

I don't know the whole story but if you do believe in your heart that things between you cannot be fixed and separation is inevitable, I think it's best to cut ties altogether instead of being friends and helping her out. Maybe she needs help right now but you need to look out for yourself as well. I don't think we should be helping others if it meant hurting ourselves.

Moving on is never easy but it is a lot harder when you are seeing/hearing/talking about this person.

Sorry to hear this is happening again Sid when you were seemingly happy.

I think you need to search deep within yourself this time not just for you, who is falling apart over this situation but for your children that will be feeling like a yoyo in it all. They will not get off unscathed now or in the future with your indecision. It is something that is important enough that you have to make it once and for all and stick to it without waivering.

It might be the hardest thing you have had to do but you have done it once before and you were doing ok and you will find that peace again.

You are too good of a person to have to put yourself through this with someone that doesn't appreciate your worth and with that she is taking away your own confidence in yourself. This in itself is causing more personal damage to you, something you have been working so hard on!

People don't change Sid unless they want to change for themselves, you can't please her because she isn't happy with herself so she is finding fault in you.

Step out of the picture, look at this story as if it were another thread in here and you write your evaluation of the situation. I know what you would be telling this person to do...

Maybe some time apart will help to see things clearer.

I know I must leave this guy I love, miss and adore to find out who I am. Though if he were real and was standing in front of me I would be with him in a heratbeat. I have realised I have been in a fantasy land where I thought this guy was real and hes not and its this fantasy 'that I must let go of and say goodbye to'. I have spent too much time thinking about something that wasnt real and turned out to be a scam so though its rather depressing and all. I still have to move on and get on with my life and make the most of it so that a person whos real will come along and maybe then we can be together. Only time will tell....

Oh honey 😢

She sounds like a user and is ingrateful. The whole thing sounds crappy. 😢

Breakups are tough especially when there was a marriage involved. Give yourself time to heal.

Sid..you are a wonderful human being with MUCH to offer a woman. You cannot keep giving of self in this manner, you cannot. It makes your soul sick. Sincerely it does. NOW is the time to be selfish. For you, for your children. Command the self respect you damned well deserve and cut that woman loose. She is not good for you. I applaud how hard you've tried to make things work again, but FFS. This is about you and the little ones now. All the super-duper-glue in the world can't fix broke. *Lil Cow Hugs* You can do this, I have every faith in you.

Posted by LibraSid
Here's her chart, I don't know birth time.


Sun Aquarius 5.40
Moon Libra 8.42
Mercury Aquarius 21.40
Venus Capricorn 18.04
Mars Aquarius 20.20
Jupiter Libra 10.24 R
Saturn Libra 9.44 R
Uranus Scorpio 29.27
Neptune Sagittarius 23.54
Pluto Libra 24.22
Lilith Scorpio 3.01
Asc node Leo 10.53


I am writing up an honest evaluation of what I think happened. I'm doing it so that I can get it all out of my head. It feels really good to write it down. Writing things down also helps my mind make it perminate instead of just being more thoughts, I've got way too many of those. I'll post it up here later since it's just the internet anyway. No one really knows me and it doesn't matter. Plus it may help me determine if I am crazy or not. It also might help someone who is dealing with a libra. At least it'll show how my mind works... if anyone can get through it all haha, I ramble sometimes. Especially about this...

If I'm reading this correctly, i'm assuming this is the same aqua..and I'm going to tell you again, that it isn't really you, it's her...look at her moon (it's opposite of yours and it's probably or at least conjunct your sun), and saturn(has an aspect to your sun), and the fact that she's a aquarius. They are all about freedom...that's what she desires, she wants to feel unhibited and I'm not saying that you are oppressive but no matter what your good intentions you have, that is something that she can't help but feel. As for you, feel like you have to take care of her, and the more you press the more she feels like she's suffocating. Again, it isn't you...or that you did anything wrong, it's how she's interpreting you..and if it's a person with self worth issues..she can't handle (or isn't ready) to be in a relationship with you?

Does that make sense??

Anyway, my prescription is to listen to OKGO's last albumn..and try to focus less on your pain and more on your children because the transition is going to be much more rough with them. You feel like you can give it your all to someone..they're the ones that are going to need that right now.

You all are great. I haven't been on much cause I am so busy at work but I really appreciate all the feedback.

I wasn't kidding about OKGo....seriously...you don't even have to listen to their albumn, just look up their videos...and most of their songs are about heartbreak..at least the last albumn.


How can you stay upset while watching this?