Declaration of Love

Some women complain about men not being expressive enough of their emotions and how they feel. Some men,understandably, get weary of being the initiators and having to declare their love from the roof tops... Or, do they?

What do y'all think? How important is it to you that your significant other express their love verbally?

LOL!!! Is that what you prefer?

Haha, that picture reminded me of an ex who always told me to correct myself when I said 'love you'. Including that 'I' was super important to him.

Anyway, verbalizing it sometimes is good. Actions and time is my preferred way to show/receive love and commitment but there definitely needs to be a degree of both.

Posted by tiziani
That's very different to sharing my emotions though.

Good point...

I am a sappy Scorpio with a Libra moon who loves romantic gestures. A man who has reservations about expressing his feelings about me with me and/or is not into romantic gestures here and there does not get far with me.

LOL @ Prince. You are a mess.

Posted by natural25
Some women complain about men not being expressive enough of their emotions and how they feel. Some men,understandably, get weary of being the initiators and having to declare their love from the roof tops... Or, do they?

What do y'all think? How important is it to you that your significant other express their love verbally?

It's not.

Posted by natural25

A man who has reservations about expressing his feelings about me with me and/or is not into romantic gestures here and there does not get far with me.

You must be really emotionally insecure ... of course, you're Scorpio, so it goes without saying, doesn't it?

I would imagine that you are a lone most of the time.

Posted by ellle
I've tried to tell myself that that was 'emotionally insecure' because of people like P-Angel......but if you don't embrace and respect your needs, then who will?

+

I don't put too much stock in verbal declaration because words without corresponging actions are worthless to me.

Posted by Kodak375

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by natural25

A man who has reservations about expressing his feelings about me with me and/or is not into romantic gestures here and there does not get far with me.

You must be really emotionally insecure ... of course, you're Scorpio, so it goes without saying, doesn't it?

I would imagine that you are a lone most of the time.

holy...

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I know, RIGHT!?!?!? *Clawd have mercy*

Posted by natural25
Some women complain about men not being expressive enough of their emotions and how they feel. Some men,understandably, get weary of being the initiators and having to declare their love from the roof tops... Or, do they?

What do y'all think? How important is it to you that your significant other express their love verbally?

I want and need both, but too much of either or can be a smokescreen. Mr. Aries was affectionate like WHOA, running my bathwater and stuff after we'd both worked a hard day and always telling me how lucky he was to wake up to me each morning. About 4-5 months into the relationship, I find out this bitch has two kids that he was denying. I was livid. He wanted to tell me that his denying his kids had nothing to do with how he treated me...um, I beg to differ. He lied to me and EVERYONE who wasn't his family and already in the know, saying that he didn't have kids. He was mental...full throttle bat shit crazy. With all of his daily affections, money spending/giving, and verbal intentions...I smelled a rat and I found it.

Relationship integrity has nothing to do with what a person says or does. What matters is that what they say and how they say they're living matches up to how they're really living. Period. He can not mention love to me a single time, but as long as he treats me with decency and he's living according to his expressed values, I'm good. People who don't live according to their expressed values aren't shit. I don't care what kind of relationship value they act like they bring, eventually, you'll find out that they're shitty people, regardless.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by natural25

A man who has reservations about expressing his feelings about me with me and/or is not into romantic gestures here and there does not get far with me.

You must be really emotionally insecure ... of course, you're Scorpio, so it goes without saying, doesn't it?

I would imagine that you are a lone most of the time.

click to expand

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and contributing to the dialogue. Be blessed.

My current guy...says it like...maybe 3 times a week. That's enough for me. I say it every day and I don't balk when he doesn't say it back. Everyone has their own love language and love rhythm. It'd be great if both people in the partnership have the same love language and rhythm, but that's very rare.

Posted by MsTeeq1974

Posted by natural25
Some women complain about men not being expressive enough of their emotions and how they feel. Some men,understandably, get weary of being the initiators and having to declare their love from the roof tops... Or, do they?

What do y'all think? How important is it to you that your significant other express their love verbally?

I want and need both, but too much of either or can be a smokescreen. Mr. Aries was affectionate like WHOA, running my bathwater and stuff after we'd both worked a hard day and always telling me how lucky he was to wake up to me each morning. About 4-5 months into the relationship, I find out this bitch has two kids that he was denying. I was livid. He wanted to tell me that his denying his kids had nothing to do with how he treated me...um, I beg to differ. He lied to me and EVERYONE who wasn't his family and already in the know, saying that he didn't have kids. He was mental...full throttle bat shit crazy. With all of his daily affections, money spending/giving, and verbal intentions...I smelled a rat and I found it.

Relationship integrity has nothing to do with what a person says or does. What matters is that what they say and how they say they're living matches up to how they're really living. Period. He can not mention love to me a single time, but as long as he treats me with decency and he's living according to his expressed values, I'm good. People who don't live according to their expressed values aren't shit. I don't care what kind of relationship value they act like they bring, eventually, you'll find out that they're shitty people, regardless.

click to expand

I completely agree. At the root of any relationship it's best for both parties to be authentically invested and engaged in the relationship. I am a sucker for thoughtful gestures, because I enjoy romance, but it does not mean a thing if it is not rooted in authentic care and/or love. It all starts with the heart.

Pisces - I think it goes both ways... for me. With that said, actions most definitely speak louder than words. WAAAAAAY louder. Lol. Also, I think every relationship is different and will have a different and unique dynamic to which feelings/emotions are expressed.

BlackMamba - Riiiiiiight. As I have gotten older and through my profession, I have seen vast differences in how people express their emotions. Buuuut everyone has their preferences. LOL. It's OK if a man is incapable of expression his emotions, but he is probably just not the one for me and vice versa. Everyone isn't compatible with everyone. Lol. But who knows... You never know what's coming for ya. Lol.

Posted by BlackMamba
In terms of motivation, perceived emotional needs are similar to addictions: The body decides that you have an addiction; and the mind decides that you have an emotional need. Once you decide that you need something, the pursuit of it can be just as compelling as addiction.

Perceived emotional needs always come with a sense of entitlement:

“I have a right to get you to do what I want, because I need it, and my right to get what I need is superior to your right not to give it.”

It also carries a coercive element: “If you don't do what I want, you'll be punished,” through criticism, harassment or abuse on the part of the demander—or rejection, abandonment and withdraw of affection by the distancer.

Seeking to get your needs met in an intimate relationship, as opposed to being loving, compassionate, and kind, is likely to make you appear demanding, selfish, or needy. You're almost guaranteed to get depressed, chronically resentful, or both. One thing is for sure: You won’t give or receive very much love.

In the next post, I’ll describe the most hidden and pervasive of intimate relationship dynamics: the fear-shame dynamic.

Damn this is good shit!!! I know good solid info when I read it. smh I hope that other people are taking heed as well. What I'm interested in finding out is how one can mitigate this dynamic without completely denying their true/honest needs?

I'm going to be transparent on this one...I've become the needy pursuer in my relationship RECENTLY, because I tried to suppress anger due to a false sense of abandonment. I knew in my mind that I hadn't been abandoned, but I felt that way and have been angry for WEEKS. I thought maybe if I focused on supporting his need to work out of town, the anger would subside, but instead of subsiding, it just got worse every time we couldn't see each other, because he was tired (legitimately so). I do feel a bit better after a HUGE emo train wreck moment that I had last night. Then in the morning, I confessed my anger. Explaining to him that mentally I KNOW he's not at fault, but emotionally, I feel an underlying anger towards him. I summed it up by explaining it's like when someone dies and you're mad at them, because you feel like they abandoned you. He seemed to get it.

The thing is...I need to climb down off of this wall for ME. I don't like feeling out of control or out of my normal/natural state, although with what I'm dealing with, objectively...I can also see why it's humanly natural for me to feel this way.