Mother

So, here it goes. I feel horrible for this, but I need to get it off of my chest. When I think of my mom, I cringe. She annoys the crap out of me. When I see her, I don't want to be around her. When she asks me questions, just casual everyday ones, I give short answers so as not to encourage a conversation. Or I will just avoid eye contact all together. When I'm around her, it instantly puts me in a bad mood. I feel SO terrible for feeling this way, but I just don't know how to shake it.

Hi, I'm in my 30's.

I guess I'm just wondering if that is a normal thing. I get feeling that way in my teens and twenties, but still?

well every time you feel irritated when you talk to her, just think about how you'd really feel if she dropped dead. Cus that's going to happen.

it's elementary my dear watson, you just need to MOVE OUT if you can't stand to live with her.

Most daughter/mother relatonships are like that.

My sisters did the same thing. move out. Although it took Aries sister to get out later....BUT....

she only lived there part time. She liked having a home away from home, and a place to keep all her stuff. Although it was ALL over the place. Now, she has it mostly in one place.

Boys usually can live with parents longer for some reason.

ACTION!! don't just complain. Do something about it.

Posted by kindness
Hi, I'm in my 30's.

Get help and find out.

Wish I had your problem... lost my mom 18 yrs ago come July - miss her dearly!

So you hate your mother?

You still live with her? Familiarity breeds contempt, they say.

Hi everyone, I'm not sure where everyone got the idea that I live with her, I don't. I live on my own.

Is she a bad person? I mean, is there a reason you don't like her?

Not everyone is likable...

She has a great heart, but she can be very negative and high strung. For example, all of the family got together for Father's Day, and we had a great day! After my siblings left, I stayed and hung around for a bit longer. My mom asked my dad to read his cards to her, so he did. My brother wrote, in his card to my dad, that he looks up to my dad, because he is always there for everyone to help in whatever way he can. My mom told my dad that what my brother wrote wasn't true. That pissed me off.

1. Who is she to say what my brother wrote isn't true, he wrote it, not her
2. What would motivate her to say such a thing
3. It was fucked up, its' fathers day and if his son feels that way, it's a good thing, why make my dad feel bad by opening her mouth and suggesting it isn't true, when she has NO idea and it isn't any of her business to begin with.

I can go on all day with these things. She opens her mouth, saying mean and negative things, to only apologize later. This his been ongoing for years. How about she actually put forth some effort and thinks before she opens her mouth, instead of saying these things, that can't be taken back, and follow up with a meaningless sorry.

Could be worse. Your mother could have been an abusive mentally ill drug addict who beat the crap out of you on a daily basis.

Not everyone is smooth about they approach things, and some people are a little too honest for their own good. Annoying, yes, but hardly a sin.

Some good mothers are bad persons
Some bad mothers are good persons

TMV: Not everyone is smooth about they approach things, and some people are a little too honest for their own good. Annoying, yes, but hardly a sin.

She isn't being "honest" though is my point. She says things for the sake of being mean and to make people feel bad.

*shrug*

If you feel like you're being abused then walk away. Don't talk to her. Don't deal with her. There will be those who feel the need to shame you for something like that and bleat on about how she's your mother, blah, blah, blah, but the fact of the matter is that it's not your responsibility to be her punching bag. You have a right as an individual apart from her to protect yourself from a toxic environment.

Posted by kindness
She has a great heart, but she can be very negative and high strung. For example, all of the family got together for Father's Day, and we had a great day! After my siblings left, I stayed and hung around for a bit longer. My mom asked my dad to read his cards to her, so he did. My brother wrote, in his card to my dad, that he looks up to my dad, because he is always there for everyone to help in whatever way he can. My mom told my dad that what my brother wrote wasn't true. That pissed me off.

1. Who is she to say what my brother wrote isn't true, he wrote it, not her
2. What would motivate her to say such a thing
3. It was fucked up, its' fathers day and if his son feels that way, it's a good thing, why make my dad feel bad by opening her mouth and suggesting it isn't true, when she has NO idea and it isn't any of her business to begin with.

I can go on all day with these things. She opens her mouth, saying mean and negative things, to only apologize later. This his been ongoing for years. How about she actually put forth some effort and thinks before she opens her mouth, instead of saying these things, that can't be taken back, and follow up with a meaningless sorry.

omg is your mum a gemini—_??_.because my mum says the exact same dumb shit and it really stresses me out trying to understand to piece together the logic of why she would say something like that??_Sometimes she will say something outrageous and totally out of place and It really gets at me and I always seem to make a big deal out of it.

are you the middle child? because I am and I always put this into account I have huge middle child syndrome symptoms??_..

My mother was the middle child too and when she tells me I'm exactly like her I cringe ??_ I kid you not my mum used to make us call her mother darling.

Posted by kindness
She opens her mouth, saying mean and negative things, to only apologize later.

Ugh. Sounds Cancerous.

I remember growing up I had this uncle who was just a nasty person. He loved my aunt and her daughter but he was just mean. I never liked him. Everyone always told me I just had to accept it, but fuck that. He never did anything wrong to me but never said anything positive. It all sounds petty but I don't care. I won't put myself around someone who finds their value by ripping away from others. They're not nice people.

My step father is like that now. He and I have had some serious discussions but we do not like each other. Again, he's never done anything to hurt my mother or I, he's just mean. He argues about everything, even when he knows he has no idea what he's talking about.

These people are emotional vampires. Sometimes it sucks if they're closely related but you will benefit to cut them off.

I don't know if your mom is that bad but maybe.


Ultimately, your life is your life. Some people came with the life, some will pop on along the way. You decide who gets to stay there.

Have you ever tried telling her you think she's a bitch?

Posted by kindness
She isn't being "honest" though is my point. She says things for the sake of being mean and to make people feel bad.

Your mom's placements?

Sun, Moon... etc

........................................


Also-- wtf is with all the "You should just be glad she isn't dead!" crap?

I don't think this is about a lack of gratitude.

And you can't fix a problem unless you admit it's there.

It may be an opportunity for her to improve her relationship with her mother by learning to deal with the behavior, herself.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
.....but we can get along now.

She still gets on my nerves on occasion.....but I know the triggers and I grant myself the luxury of saying "I don't have the time for you right now" or "This is too much, no offense, but I have to go."......and really follow through with it and not get sucked back down the rabbit hole. I spend time with her on my terms....as to not put myself in the middle of the toxicity.

click to expand

Like this ^^^

Has she always been like this? I've noticed that some people get meaner with age. It could be hormonal imbalance, medication, staying married to one man for too long 😛 The possibilities are a mile long.

My aunt suddenly turned very nasty & they found a tumor in her brain. So yeah, her attitude could be a symptom of something even nastier.

CapLove: No, she wasn't playing around. When my dad asked her why she would say such a thing after we had such a nice day, her response was "well, you aren't mad I said that are you?" Seriously, what the fuck. Why? I just want to slap her sometimes. She has issues, fine, we all do, but take care of them, see someone, don't do this to the people you care about. I'm losing respect for her and beginning to shut off, I don't want this to happen, she is my mother. I have spoken to her about this, my dad has, my sister has. She is who she is, unless she wants to see the change happen enough to do something about it, there is nothing we can do I feel like.

MOntgomery: Thank you for that. I am just looking for a way to approach/cope/handle this, before I end up shutting her out. I don't know her placements, but her birthday is on November 4th.

A Scorpio? Hmm

She won't change

she was talking to her own fucking husband ... how is that your business?


sounds to me like you're controlling ... she has a relationship with her OWN fucking husband, and you don't like the dynamics of HER marriage.


Guess what? that's none of your fucking business. It's her spouse, her business.


I think you are the problem, in that you are sticking your nose into someone else's relationship.

Posted by P-Angel

she was talking to her own fucking husband ... how is that your business?


sounds to me like you're controlling ... she has a relationship with her OWN fucking husband, and you don't like the dynamics of HER marriage.


Guess what? that's none of your fucking business. It's her spouse, her business.


I think you are the problem, in that you are sticking your nose into someone else's relationship.

But "she" is the poster's mother and "her fucking husband" is the posters father. Of course their marriage matters... That's her parents.

Yes, you're right. At the end of the day that is for mom and dad to settle. It is like you said, their marriage...but if someone was treating my mom or dad poorly I'd say something and idgaf if it is her husband or not.

The question isn't about how to interfere in mom and dad's relationship, it's how to deal with a bitch mother.

Someone has MOMMY issues. 😆

may i refer you to Phil Collins w/the scorpio moon singing...MAMA!!

You all gotta start zinging her back. Your father should have replied "you're just angry because [son's name]'s mother's day card only said 'thanks for...well, thanks for not aborting me at least '."

Give your father a late father's day gift, earplugs! Make sure he opens them while she's there...

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by lisabethur8
Someone has MOMMY issues. 😆

I have MOMMY issues 😭

click to expand

I'm your mommy now!

Yes, I know she won't. That is why I'm here, wondering what I can do to better deal/cope with it on my end. The more time goes by and I'm around her, bad feelings and resentment begin to build up.

P-Angel: "she was talking to her own treetrunking husband ... how is that your business?"

At no time in any of my postings did say I interfered or commented to my mother or father about her behavior. I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it. I am; however, using it as an example of what she does that drives me crazy. As this comment and behavior isn't specific to my dad, she is that way with me, my brother and my sister.

However, you do bring up a valid point, though completely inaccurate, since you based your opinion from a scenario you created in your own head. Seeing that I never stated that I interjected in her comment to my dad, nor did I say anything about their marriage. I stuck to the topic at hand, my mom's behavior, gave an example and am looking for guidance on how to deal with it.

However, someone else's business becomes your business when they choose to speak like that in front of you, rather when it's just the two of them. In addition to, their marriage also becomes my business, when they both come to me to complain and whine about one another. They both do this. Well, we all know that isn't me sticking my nose in their business... that is them serving it up to me on a silver platter. However, I am not complaining about this, as I don't foresee it as a problem, I simply go home or let them know I don't want to be in the middle.

Posted by kindness
However, I am not complaining about this, as I don't foresee it as a problem, I simply go home or let them know I don't want to be in the middle.

So what's your question again? How can you deal, you want to know? Seems like you already know the answer.

How to deal with my mother's need to turn a positive into a negative 99% of the time, and saying things for the sake to just be mean or make someone feel bad.

Simply go home. Mother's being negative for an audience, don't be one.

Simply go home. Mother's being negative for an audience, don't be one.

Posted by Wynter
Simply go home. Mother's being negative for an audience, don't be one.

+1

Posted by kindness

1. Who is she to say what my brother wrote isn't true, he wrote it, not her
2. What would motivate her to say such a thing
3. It was fucked up, its' fathers day and if his son feels that way, it's a good thing, why make my dad feel bad by opening her mouth and suggesting it isn't true, when she has NO idea and it isn't any of her business to begin with.

All three of those things above you have no fucking clue about.

1. who is she to say? it is her right to say or do whatever she fucking feels or thinks to/about/with HER spouse.

the person who doesn't have a right ... is you.

2. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it ... because here you are projecting the same fucking energy onto us, that you're complaining about.

so what would motivate you to do such a cunt move

3. I love this part: "when she has NO idea and it isn't any of her business to begin with" ... because that just goes to show how right I am when I say the problem here is you being controlling.

because the fact is ... so long as it's her having to smell your fathers nut sack, and wash his shit-stained underwear, and smell his morning breath ... IT IS HER BUSINESS.

and NOT your business. when you're the one who has to suck your fathers dick ... then you have a right to determine what is right

P-Angel: You are STILL missing the point. I simply used the situation with her and my dad as an example of behavior that she uses when dealing with me, my sister and my brother. Since you still aren't getting it, and choose to focus on a topic that is besides the point, I will use a different example, since you are unable to generalize here.

Last week we went over to my aunt's house for a birthday, and my aunt told me I always look so great and in shape and asked what I do to keep that way. On my way to drop my parents off, my mom tells me that my aunt just says those things to me, because she feels sorry for me that I'm always single at family things. Does she know this? No. My question here is, what could possibly motivate her and how to I deal with it.

It isn't being controlling, it's wanting to UNDERSTAND what would motivate her to say such things.

If you still don't get it, don't know what to tell you, other than to leave my thread, because you're off topic. I'm not complaining, I'm asking for guidance on how to deal with her behavior. Sheesus, get a clue woman.

And lastly P-Angel, I don't appreciate you using that vulgar language when referring to my parents, I find it to be extremely offensive and disrespectful. If you continue to do so, I'll have to report you.

My mother has similar tendencies and particularly to my step dad who just takes it mostly. I use to sit back and say nothing but not anymore, she gets jealous of the time he gives to me and my brothers helping us in daily things around the house on weekends, as a real father would. It's time taken away from her she views it as... However, he is left alone on numerous occasions when she goes to bingo and that can be often on weekends. These days if she's cutting with her words I tell her so, sometimes at the time or sometimes when she's moaning to me about him. It has helped a little, she understands some of the things she does but I honestly think it is embedded so deep she can't change and I won't let that effect my relationship with her as it use to. And yes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as I find myself saying horrible things at times when I'm frustrated with my own children and I have to admit I can be like my mother.. Not an easy thing to admit you already see it as a bad quality! She is a scorp too, nov 5th. My dad and I are libra.

Posted by sweethearts

And yes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as I find myself saying horrible things at times when I'm frustrated with my own children and I have to admit I can be like my mother.. Not an easy thing to admit ....

That's pretty fucked up, sweethearts .... now that you are able to realize that you do the very thing in which you don't like in your mother, are you able to break it? Are you able to change?

Posted by kindness

P-Angel: You are STILL missing the point.

Not really. I addressed your example, and made a point in which you refuse to accept because it would mean you're wrong. And you can't handle that.

and btw .... at the bottom of the page, you will see a centered sentence typed in black with 2 red words in it. The red words being, "clicking here". The whole sentence reads .....


You can contact the admins directly by clicking here if there is a matter that needs more immediate attention.


Click in the red in that sentence any time you feel like your panties are wadded too far up your ass.

Posted by kindness

Last week we went over to my aunt's house for a birthday, and my aunt told me I always look so great and in shape and asked what I do to keep that way. On my way to drop my parents off, my mom tells me that my aunt just says those things to me, because she feels sorry for me that I'm always single at family things. Does she know this? No. My question here is, what could possibly motivate her and how to I deal with it.

It isn't being controlling, it's wanting to UNDERSTAND what would motivate her to say such things.

Maybe the truth was her motivation. You say that she doesn't know those things.

Maybe you don't know those things.

Maybe that is the only reason your Aunt says things like that.

But, you got the hatchet for your mother buried so deep that you refuse to recognize any redeeming qualities she might have ... which makes you just like her.

Now let's see if YOU can get the point.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by sweethearts

And yes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as I find myself saying horrible things at times when I'm frustrated with my own children and I have to admit I can be like my mother.. Not an easy thing to admit ....

That's pretty fucked up, sweethearts .... now that you are able to realize that you do the very thing in which you don't like in your mother, are you able to break it? Are you able to change?

click to expand

No P, when I'm annoyed/angry/frustrated it's uncontrollable and a sincere apology and discussion is all that I can offer after I've calmed down. And yes it is fucked up but how do you control something that you have no control over. My brain doesn't think straight when anger is present. I am aware of it and I try to put it in it's place so there are few outbreaks but one of my girls is constantly feeding it!

All I'm saying is, no one is perfect we all have our own problems/issues on how we deal with people. Discuss it with her and maybe you might help her to understand and even change but also know that you might not be able to either.

And are you going to let it effect your relationship permanently?

P-Angel: "Maybe the truth was her motivation. You say that she doesn't know those things.

Maybe you don't know those things.

Maybe that is the only reason your Aunt says things like that."

No one knows the truth, but my aunt. Again, it's just her turning something positive said, into a negative. She has many redeeming qualities, but that isn't why I'm on this board...obviously. We are talking about one thing, not all of the other things you keep bringing into the thread. Stay focused.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by kindness

Last week we went over to my aunt's house for a birthday, and my aunt told me I always look so great and in shape and asked what I do to keep that way. On my way to drop my parents off, my mom tells me that my aunt just says those things to me, because she feels sorry for me that I'm always single at family things. Does she know this? No. My question here is, what could possibly motivate her and how to I deal with it.

It isn't being controlling, it's wanting to UNDERSTAND what would motivate her to say such things.

Maybe the truth was her motivation. You say that she doesn't know those things.

Maybe you don't know those things.

Maybe that is the only reason your Aunt says things like that.

But, you got the hatchet for your mother buried so deep that you refuse to recognize any redeeming qualities she might have ... which makes you just like her.

click to expand

But you're toxic.

And telling someone that they look bad and that they are an object of pity (simply because someone complimented them) is the action of another toxic person.

There is nothing beneficial that one can take from that-- because it's spiteful.

It's intended to cause pain, and to take away any good feels she may have had as a result of the compliment.

I think you just identify with the toxicity and feel the need to defend it, because it's like defending yourself.