Opinions on women asking men out

What's your take on whether a woman should ask a man out where they have known each other for a few months and spent the week days in a close "work" situation (all day). Where there is definetly interest in each other and have confirmed this to other group members (who were/are trying to play matchmaker). The guy is quiet and a little bit shy. The "work" situation has now ended and they won't see each other again bar one more final day. How do men feel about women asking them out? How do women feel about asking men out.

Previously (up to about a year ago) i'd have said just ask especially if interest has been shown from both parties, experience since has made me think its not such a good idea.

Sorry for saying this, but if a girl asks me out before I ask her out, it simply means Im not interested in her "that way" Im not one to waste time when I do like someone.

Posted by MzSag

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Sorry for saying this, but if a girl asks me out before I ask her out, it simply means Im not interested in her "that way" Im not one to waste time when I do like someone.

Ahhh, yes.... but you're a Virgo. You don't count.

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Shall we go out for a drink this friday? 😛

No, forget that...

I have a better question, are you Asian? 😛

Posted by MzSag

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
No, forget that...

I have a better question, are you Asian? 😛

Depends... Will I still have the drink offer if I'm not? 😉

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Depends on how many drinks it takes for you to get freaky 😛

You are over analyzing. If there is a chance you will not have another chance to speak to the subject of your interest (which I take to be the case) and you do not ask him you, you have Guaranteed Failure!

If you are strong enough to be asking him out, this will come out eventually. You may as well get that out in the open, to.

Do it, or spend the rest of your life going, "If Only...."

Posted by capgirl75
I've thought about asking a guy out before but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. He was also a co-worker, we are friends on fb, and we play scrabble together. But I never did because I figured he would if he were interested. Great thread, I liked reading all the responses here.

The perfect example of what I am saying.

Go for it capgirl, see if you can't come up with a really clever scrabble answer, or some such thing.

It really depends on the male in question. What I've seen in the whole shy guy vs. assertive male is the total opposite from what i'm reading. The ones who don't have a problem asking women out seem to be the most open to being asked out. To them it doesn't matter who is asking, just as long as the result is the same. Now, the shy guy is more sensitive and tends to need more time to mull things over first. If pushed too soon there can be an adverse reaction. They seem to want to initiate because that means they're ready. They like to observe you first because they totally fear rejection.

Posted by Sutekh
I dont like it... It seems as if the woman will be pushy, controlling, aggressive etc. I usually leave those chicks alone.

Funny enough, i see this more often than not. The woman will exaggerate the aggressor role and come on way too strong just to prove that she is so modern. I see the man will become turned off because all the feminine softness is gone and it's like being propositioned by another dude. An alpha dude at that.

I think a confident man will appreciate a woman who takes the initiative and shows interest. She doesn't always have to be looking for "the one". Women like casual acquaintances, too.

Posted by Sizzurp
Maybe it makes me sexist, but for me, asking me out would be a big mistake and make me back-pedal. It's been done before and I didn't entertain the proposition much longer than a single conversation. I prefer traditionally male and female roles in a courtship.

He has Venus in Aries and Mars in Sag 🙂 (our charts are fantastic together btw)

My scorpio (male) friend also says no, don't take his role away from him. While he will be initially flattered and impressed it changes the dynamics further down the line.

Posted by 25thDecan
if I'm bewildered..furrowing my brow in a vain attempt to understand what's going on..and your cues are so subtle a dog wouldn't sniff you like me(yes...many of you women are guilty of it) then of course..ask me dammit. We aren't mind readers. Lol

Lol, no he's not bewildered, he's aware and so am I! Didn't work out with the Virgo btw 25th 😢 Onwards and upwards!

Posted by dofacc
You are over analyzing. If there is a chance you will not have another chance to speak to the subject of your interest (which I take to be the case) and you do not ask him you, you have Guaranteed Failure!

If you are strong enough to be asking him out, this will come out eventually. You may as well get that out in the open, to.

Do it, or spend the rest of your life going, "If Only...."

I am arent' I. He has been texting me so while we won't see each other the communication lines are open.

Posted by ninjamu
It really depends on the male in question. What I've seen in the whole shy guy vs. assertive male is the total opposite from what i'm reading. The ones who don't have a problem asking women out seem to be the most open to being asked out. To them it doesn't matter who is asking, just as long as the result is the same. Now, the shy guy is more sensitive and tends to need more time to mull things over first. If pushed too soon there can be an adverse reaction. They seem to want to initiate because that means they're ready. They like to observe you first because they totally fear rejection.

This is where I think he is, he's keeping in touch and slowly building up the communication. I should give him time. He's a Taurus so he naturally takes things slow and mulls over.

Dilemma over 🙂 He called and asked this morning so I'm meeting him after work for a drink. Mulling over all the responses on my way to work this morning i've come to the conclusion that its best to go with what you feel comfortable with. I know I would have no problem asking him out (i'm a leo we have no problem being direct when we want) but I also know, for me, that that would have niggled at me and I would have less respect for him - probably stupid but that's the way it is - maybe its an age thing 🙂

It's so interesting to see the different takes on it though - from reading I think the majority of men and women think its the man's place to do the asking, the womans place to issue the subtle invitation.

More women should initiate and ask men out. I have no problems with this.

I have never did it. Not comfortable with role reversals. Haven't mastered the art of the pursuit. Plus, I fear rejection, BIG TIME.

I'm glad he called. It all worked out in the end.

Go get'um girl. Lioness style .

Posted by 25thDecan

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by 25thDecan
if I'm bewildered..furrowing my brow in a vain attempt to understand what's going on..and your cues are so subtle a dog wouldn't sniff you like me(yes...many of you women are guilty of it) then of course..ask me dammit. We aren't mind readers. Lol

Lol, no he's not bewildered, he's aware and so am I! Didn't work out with the Virgo btw 25th 😢 Onwards and upwards!

Proof he and I aren't astro-twins....ijs...lol

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🙂 Ah, I still love him though, He's my best and I always have you to drool over 😉

Posted by Nala13
I have never did it. Not comfortable with role reversals. Haven't mastered the art of the pursuit. Plus, I fear rejection, BIG TIME.

I'm glad he called. It all worked out in the end.

Go get'um girl. Lioness style .

😉 As only a Lioness knows how!

Trying to think if I've ever actually asked a man out... I don't believe I have. I let the men be men -- Imma chick, not a dude. But my Venus in Aries flirts openly and fearlessly makes her wishes known.. so it lets the guy know I'd be open to being asked out. And so generally, he found the nerve to ask. If he didn't.. not really my problem, is it? Something maybe he needs a little work on? Better luck next time, eh? A man too scared or shy to even ask me out is NOT going to be able to handle me in a relationship. True fact there.

I don't necessarily have a problem with women asking men out, to each their own and do what works for you, baby.. but even if he's moving "too slow" and is not "stepping up" to do it himself.. and she might feel she needs to grab the bull by the horns and MAKE something happen.. that's usually a mistake.. cuz (trust me on this!) if a man wants something badly enough, he WILL risk/do WHATEVER it takes to get it, ESP if she's been warm and open and made her interest in him clear... The woman asking the man out it feels like she's trying to do HIS job.. and the role reversal could backfire easily.. he could assume her to be aggressive and pushy (in a bad way).. he could think she was hot to trot and out for an easy NSA lay... he could assume she'll do all of the work in the relationship -- that one's the worst. Can set the tone and make a man lazy about doing his fair share of the pursuing and working toward a relationship.. which then backfires again when he loses attraction for this "great girl".. who juuuuust so happens to be bending over backwards and trying to do everything, and they're BOTH clueless about THAT being the reason he's losing the "spark" for such a "great girl" he "should be" nuts about.. but still only "likes a lot" and usually wants to sleep with but "keep it casual" and "no labels" involved.

I personally don't have a problem with it. It tells me that at least she has an idea of what she wants and takes the initiative. To me it shouldn't matter who does what first. If you like each other, either one of you could step up. Ladies, don't worry about being seen as desperate or being put at a disadvantage. Life is too short.

This question has made me curious. Should a woman propse marriage too or are we still sticking to tradition?

Posted by size zero superhero
I'm for it.
Realistically, provided that both involved are CLEARLY interested and have demonstrated this on a consistent basis...the who-asked-who-first history is beyond irrelevant. The only reason to hold off(that I can think of)is when currently uncertain of the other party's feelings/intentions.

And if anything, it could clear the air by removing that uncertainty. Could make for an uncomfortable conversation, but us guys have had to face and endure those conversations all along.

Honesty and openness really do work. But then again, I am an Aries, aren't I.

It probably shouldn't happen often ... because women aren't emotionally geared to be able to handle rejection.

The thought would never cross her mind that a man would dare to say 'no' to her because afterall, she has a vagina ... so if he did turn her down, the emotional outrage would be insufferable, even to her.

Men are more emotionally stable, hands down ... as much as they don't like to be rejected, they can handle it without a need to announce to the world that it has ended

Posted by everevolvingepithet
I think most might stick more to tradition on that one beautifulsoul74 (being that it's a tradition so follows a structure or set of rules).

Traditions smaditions lol!

Posted by Sizzurp
Maybe it makes me sexist, but for me, asking me out would be a big mistake and make me back-pedal. It's been done before and I didn't entertain the proposition much longer than a single conversation. I prefer traditionally male and female roles in a courtship.

I agree, I prefer traditional male/female roles and love courtship. I have asked a guy out before. I prefer when the man pursues me. Makes me feel desired, which is a good feeling.

Venus Leo
Mars Aries

In my experience, I've done the asking out quite a few times, and have encountered a large variety of reactions. Some boys/men said yes on the spot, some turned me down, some went for the maybe/sorry, not now reply, which is a more subtle way of turning someone down. I don't recall ever feeling heartbroken over any such rejection. Hurt ego? Definitely. But it healed pretty quickly and at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I had given it a fair try.
What is worth mentioning, though, is that on the one occasion when I asked a guy out and the whole thing evolved into a long-term relationship the fact that I had initiated it did set the tone and it was, at times, frustrating to feel that I was doing all or most of the work in the relationship. That sort of worked out once we both reached a certain level of maturity but, to this day, I would think twice or thrice before asking a guy out if I was REALLY into him. Somehow, most men don't seem to see any difference between being asked out by a woman and being pursued by her, so I'd be wary of that sort of perception...

The idea of it? I don't think it's an issue.

However, with the amount of slime balls out there, the woman making the first move leaves a big risk of the guy taking advantage of that. Like you said, I never thought much of her asking him out, but after some of the bs I've seen, I'm thinking it's not necessarily a bad thing for women to want the guy to ask.

A trend I've noticed is that when women make the first move or do the chasing, guys take advantage of that. They know up front that the woman is interested and hey look, he can get some ass out of it. So it actually leaves the big question is if he's actually interested because he likes you, or because he thinks he has some easy ass on his hands since she asked first. I think some guys associate forward women like that as "easy." Not all, but some. Their silly little brains are wired for sex, so it tends to go in that direction.

However, I agree when it's been said that CONFIDENT men appreciate women who approach them.

Unfortunately, there is quite the growing number of insecure, entitled guys leads to some of the bs mentioned above.

As a female, there is some risk when they approach too, but I think it can be a bit easier to tell if they're a player or serious when they approach first. If they're taking the time to come ask you out, they're at least somewhat interested. I just think that with all the increased selfish behavior (which both genders are guilty of, btw) guys would just take advantage of a women who approaches him first. Easy pickings.

The guys that behave like actual men aren't likely to do this though.