STORY TIME!

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by &2gedanow on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 and has 55 replies.

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Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Once upon a time, there was a little Dung Beetle named Fecal Matter who lived with the other Dung Beeltes near a farm.

Now see for food the Dung Beetle population depended on the Cows and Sheep, who in turn depended on Old farmer Shepton for the meals that helped them along in the creation of Dung for the Dung Beetles.

It was one sh**ty little circle of life, oh yes.

Now Fecal Matter was not satisfied with this sh**ty little arrangement.

"What if old farmer Shepton died?" he'd ask his best mates Poopy-kins and Sh** Smears.

"Fecal Matter - not this sh** again!" would be the ultra-conservative-thinking Poopy-kin's reply, while the glutonous Sh** Smears - who wasn't very bright - would cry in excitment, "Sh**?! Where?!".

So Fecal Matter found he was well and truly alone with his fears. And although old Farmer Shepton's health was at its most vibrant in the eight-one years he'd spent alive, Fecal Matter worried and worried.

Then, one day as Fecal Matter was rolling up a joint (a ball of Feces) with his pals, the worst thing happened:

A plane dropped from the sky - VOOSH! - and squashed old Farmer Shepton's barn - PLLLLLLT! - killing him, his Sheepdogs, the cows, the sheep - everything!

It was an orgy of death. Worse still, the plane was empty. No charred and bloodied remains of a pilot, crew or passengers, Fecal Matter and pals found on inspection.

"Sh**," said Poopy-kins, "we're doomed."

And doomed they were.

THE END





Profile picture of lildol
@lildol
16 Years5,000+ Posts
Moral— Hmmm... not good at reading into these things - even children's books never could quite grasp, but I'll take a stab at it.

Quit talking shit, get your head out of your ass, take care of your own damn shitty self and quit worrying about shit that don't matter because you can't predict the future and you ain't gonna be here for very long anyway—

or

Ya win some, ya lose some 🙂
Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by lildol
Moral— Hmmm... not good at reading into these things - even children's books never could quite grasp, but I'll take a stab at it.

Quit talking shit, get your head out of your ass, take care of your own damn shitty self and quit worrying about shit that don't matter because you can't predict the future and you ain't gonna be here for very long anyway—

or

Ya win some, ya lose some 🙂



Close. Sh** happens. You can complain all day but it's pointless if you don't do sh** about it.
Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by lildol
@Briana: Good GOD children's books have come a looooong way since I was a kid...

This is Dick... see Dick cum (or was it run??)



Okay, see a book like that signifies lazy parenting. Speaking of lazy parenting, why is The Birds and The Bees used as a Euphemism?
Profile picture of venusianbull
@venusianbull
16 Years25,000+ PostsTaurus
And some are frightened that a part of themself is getting sucked into a swirling pool of water never to be seen again. I would have a child beside me and holler "Bye poop! Have a good trip!" See? Worlds better. It's okay young one.

And &2, would I actually need a lawyer to make doodles of coilies and beetles? How bizarre.
Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by venusianbull
And some are frightened that a part of themself is getting sucked into a swirling pool of water never to be seen again. I would have a child beside me and holler "Bye poop! Have a good trip!" See? Worlds better. It's okay young one.

And &2, would I actually need a lawyer to make doodles of coilies and beetles? How bizarre.



Coilies? Thank you for that, VB. I won't ever be able to look at a chocolate ice-cream swirl the same way. EVER.
Profile picture of lildol
@lildol
16 Years5,000+ Posts
They need a book to help kids cope with masturbation....

And talking about the birds and the bees (and the flowers and the trees...) - just get your kids a book on Kama Sutra
Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by lildol
They need a book to help kids cope with masturbation....

And talking about the birds and the bees (and the flowers and the trees...) - just get your kids a book on Kama Sutra



Seriously, though: what about the birds and the bees?

And why bees? Has anyone seen bees f**k? Why use bees? Because it rhymes with birds?

Bees are the wrong creatures to use when trying to explain sex using a euphemism, in my opinion.

They encourage gangbangs. I mean - aren't they like ants where the most fertile males run a train on the one queen?

(or am I confusing this with how many babies the queen births?)

Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by TasteOfChaos
Geds... For the love of god... Just say it!!

SHIT!!

Don't be an "*" pansy!!

Liberate yourself and just say SHIT!!



It's not the same! I want people with their profanity filters on to KNOW I'm saying sh**.

But dxp keeps changing the "S" word it to "butter"!

What's an "*", TOC? lol



Profile picture of &2gedanow
@&2gedanow
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Posted by TasteOfChaos
Nope! I disagree!! The peeps who don't have the profanity filter switched off... are... well... DIPSHITS!!

Do you really care about the reading experience of dipshits when you could be giving the real cool mother fuckers, like me 😄, the real experience?! I've taken the time to remove my profanity filter... I deserve some mother fucking suitcases swearing in it's entirety!!

NOW SAY IT!!

*crazy eyes*

Oh and a "*" is a pansy who uses * in the word SHIT!!



Shit.

Ooh, I feel naughty, teehee.

Profile picture of venusianbull
@venusianbull
16 Years25,000+ PostsTaurus
LOL! Pinching a loaf, snapping a fish, squeezing cheese, dropping wolf bait, delivering the mail, parking last nights dinner, dropping the kids off at the pool, making a deposit, oh it goes on and on.
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