Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces
Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
Hello Again Mr. Fishy.... What are you doing here? (Page 2)
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gems, how did you find out about the cheating?
hmmmm the plot thick n's ..........
Posted by nimbue
gems, how did you find out about the cheating?
I found a receipt that was dated during the time we were together that had directions to his apartment.... in a girls handwriting. I questioned him about it and he gave me a couple stories before I got to the bottom of it.
He absolutely had had this girl over to his place and they had sex a couple times, but she was spending the nights over as well. They met at a concert and she knew nothing about me. I should state he and I live in different towns. When he told me this I packed my bags (because I was in his town for the weekend.... we took turns) and left. I've not seen him since.
That was around St. Patty's day this year. We were actually going to be celebrating his birthday that weekend. Fucker.
I'm here! I'm here! Sorry Wineaux and I have been making cookies for me to take to my clients tomorrow... triple chocolate ones and crunchy peanut butter ones.... Yum, yum!
I'd like to state for the record that regardless of what I decide to do, your words don't fall on deaf ears. I'm not searching for someone to give me the answers I want. I'm asking for opinions from you guys, from my friends, from my mom. I appreciate everyone's input and I've been pondering this all day. Everything that everyone has said is running through my head.
Sometimes, you're just not finished. Sometimes you are. I've always been 100% honest on these boards. Why lie? So if I decide to see him, I'll state that here. I will be honest. Doesn't mean I'll have forgotten everything that was said, but sometimes other people's advice isn't enough to sway your decision, but it does make you more aware and it creates the doubt for good reason that removes the naive veil from your eyes.
At this point, I'm leaning towards having lunch with him when he next comes to town. Lunch. During the day time. Without drinks. Listen to what he has to say carefully. Because I've not seen him face to face I can't read him, but I think seeing him will give me better perspective on whether or not he's being truthful or deceptive for selfish reasons.
Now to Nights specifically, if you can't take these things I've said into consideration and appreciate that my choices may not always be pleasing to you and chose to never speak to me again, so be it. I hope that's not what happens because I enjoy chatting with you and I appreciate everything you say. I hope that because I don't follow your advice to the T you decide I'm no longer worth your breath.
I'd like to state for the record that regardless of what I decide to do, your words don't fall on deaf ears. I'm not searching for someone to give me the answers I want. I'm asking for opinions from you guys, from my friends, from my mom. I appreciate everyone's input and I've been pondering this all day. Everything that everyone has said is running through my head.
Sometimes, you're just not finished. Sometimes you are. I've always been 100% honest on these boards. Why lie? So if I decide to see him, I'll state that here. I will be honest. Doesn't mean I'll have forgotten everything that was said, but sometimes other people's advice isn't enough to sway your decision, but it does make you more aware and it creates the doubt for good reason that removes the naive veil from your eyes.
At this point, I'm leaning towards having lunch with him when he next comes to town. Lunch. During the day time. Without drinks. Listen to what he has to say carefully. Because I've not seen him face to face I can't read him, but I think seeing him will give me better perspective on whether or not he's being truthful or deceptive for selfish reasons.
Now to Nights specifically, if you can't take these things I've said into consideration and appreciate that my choices may not always be pleasing to you and chose to never speak to me again, so be it. I hope that's not what happens because I enjoy chatting with you and I appreciate everything you say. I hope that because I don't follow your advice to the T you decide I'm no longer worth your breath.
And I hope you guys can see how that's fair.
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPalPosted by nimbue
gems, how did you find out about the cheating?
I found a receipt that was dated during the time we were together that had directions to his apartment.... in a girls handwriting. I questioned him about it and he gave me a couple stories before I got to the bottom of it.
He absolutely had had this girl over to his place and they had sex a couple times, but she was spending the nights over as well. They met at a concert and she knew nothing about me. I should state he and I live in different towns. When he told me this I packed my bags (because I was in his town for the weekend.... we took turns) and left. I've not seen him since.
That was around St. Patty's day this year. We were actually going to be celebrating his birthday that weekend. Fucker.click to expand
should have asked earlier. you had to get to the bottom of it, he couldn't even be straight up in the face of his deception. sex more than once with the same girl, uh, nope. that's out of order. making out he was single to this other girl.
he probably fancies himself as a bit of a loverman...nobody held a gun to his head and forced him into a committed relationship. pressure from you or no, if you can stick your dick into someone else, you can exercise your vocal chords or fingers to communicate that things are moving at too fast of a pace for you. whew. wait, there's more.
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
Me - "Why? So you can move to Houston and we can live happily ever after?"
Him - "We should go on a nice, relaxed and romantic date first, but I am all for aiming for the stars babe. I really wanna see you."
Me - "Why do you want to see me?"
Him - "Because we both have to eat and always have many fun things to talk about."
Me - "Yeah, yeah, I gather that, but why do you want to see me?"
Him - "Because there is no one else I'd rather lay eyes on or converse with and I know it."
Me - "I'll have to think about it Mr. Fish, not to be a jerk and leave you hanging, but because I truly have to think about it."
There were some pleasantries before and after, but that's really the meat of it.....
Fish..... it's been nearly a year since we met and we only dated for four months..... we've been split up for EIGHT months.... why the hanging on? Could it be that it's genuine? Is he just luring for his own demented reasons?
Fuck.My.Life.
missed this earlier. yeah, i don't like his vibe. it's all about what he wants and he comes off insincere and cocky. obv i don't know him. i don't know much of that is bravado. he has all this lovey dovey semi-poetic bullshit going on but all he's really saying is, yeah i want another chance. go on, you know you can't resist me. he should be eating humble pie till it's coming out of his ears
if you want to see him, you will. if you don't, you won't...i know how it is. you come across as intrigued, and that's about it so i think you'll be fine. 🙂
It's not about not having found someone Nights. Not at all.....
I understand if you can't continue to converse with people who make knowingly bad choices. I don't write people off for living their life, but that's me and not you. At the end of the day, this is just a forum. I think I'm a pretty cool person and I'd still like to chat with you in kind. If it comes down to you just saying... "Ok dude, but I don't ever want to hear about this guy again", that too is understandable. If not, again, that's your call inevitably, but I do think it's somewhat petty.
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, often to a fault. I'm talking about maybe going to a lunch and listening to what the dude has to say, I'm not talking about hopping into bed or walking down the isle or even believing his intentions are pure.
I understand if you can't continue to converse with people who make knowingly bad choices. I don't write people off for living their life, but that's me and not you. At the end of the day, this is just a forum. I think I'm a pretty cool person and I'd still like to chat with you in kind. If it comes down to you just saying... "Ok dude, but I don't ever want to hear about this guy again", that too is understandable. If not, again, that's your call inevitably, but I do think it's somewhat petty.
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, often to a fault. I'm talking about maybe going to a lunch and listening to what the dude has to say, I'm not talking about hopping into bed or walking down the isle or even believing his intentions are pure.
Thanks Nimbue, regardless of how it goes if I do end up going I'll relay that here... HONESTLY. The next time he's in town is two weeks from now and I'm all air and fire except for one earth placement. I change my mind and my perspectives FREQUENTLY and could spend the next two weeks replaying everything and decide to burn him at the stake....
Posted by nimbue
he has all this lovey dovey semi-poetic bullshit going on but all he's really saying is, yeah i want another chance. go on, you know you can't resist me. he should be eating humble pie till it's coming out of his earsclick to expand
Historically, he has been the type to leave that to in person conversation, when we spoke on the phone a couple months ago it was definitely there. Again, why I am leaning to hearing what he has to say in person. Before I left him when we split up I left him with some very harsh words.... he always told me how he looked up to his father, to his father's strong morals. I basically reminded him of all the he said and asked him if he was at all like his father, whom he idolized. I asked him if his father would be proud of the person he was becoming. He went silent and cried, and not in the attention seeking hoping to soften my heart way, more in the shamed way. I told him every bad decision he makes chips away at the person he should be.... Did that change him? Did he take any of it to heart? Did he grow up? Did my slap in the face and turning my back give him respect for me? Does he want to redeem himself in my eyes? I don't know, but I'd sure as shit like to find out.
Also, if he pulls the "yeah you know you want me" bullshit, I will get up and walk out of the restaurant. It wouldn't be the first time I've done exactly that to someone.
shit.Ididitagain.Ihateitwhenthathappens.grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
THAT I can understand Nights, and truly, honestly, you're right, I haven't been in the best place lately. I definitely don't want to drag you down or anything, good luck my very short lived pen buddy.
you handled it really well, broke down his barriers, etc. cheating is a very hurtful and disrespectful thing. i always judge it by degrees...like, how long was it going on, with who, how did the news get broken, etc.
just don't get sucked in! if he has something to prove...let him prove it. on your terms. if that's what you decide, i mean you could always leave him to sweat over the girl he did wrong for all the rest of eternity 😛
just don't get sucked in! if he has something to prove...let him prove it. on your terms. if that's what you decide, i mean you could always leave him to sweat over the girl he did wrong for all the rest of eternity 😛
Trust me lady friends, if he tries for a moment to make it a power play, something I will pick up this time around because I will be looking for it.... I will burst his fucking bubble for sure and in that case I hope he does sweat it for eternity that he did me wrong.
I appreciate the advice from everyone, you've all given me much to think about.
I appreciate the advice from everyone, you've all given me much to think about.
..... Hmmm your not bad looking Gem so do what you need to, but never settle. Good on your fishing expedition😛 no pun intended.
Oh Air & Water... what a painful combination
you seem like you are looking for a reason to continue with this guy ( i showed him, he respects me more, he wants what he lost, blah, blah, blah) that stuff is just making you feel better. personally, I think Nights nailed it. And you're not being entirely honest... I think you have been communicating with him on the regular for the last little while.
You obviously haven't learned what you need in this situation so you'll hurt yourself again... but you won't be the one to change him.
p.s. his cheating didn't have anything to do with you as a person. you don't fully believe this... do you want to go back to prove it?
you seem like you are looking for a reason to continue with this guy ( i showed him, he respects me more, he wants what he lost, blah, blah, blah) that stuff is just making you feel better. personally, I think Nights nailed it. And you're not being entirely honest... I think you have been communicating with him on the regular for the last little while.
You obviously haven't learned what you need in this situation so you'll hurt yourself again... but you won't be the one to change him.
p.s. his cheating didn't have anything to do with you as a person. you don't fully believe this... do you want to go back to prove it?
Posted by shellshocker
And you're not being entirely honest... I think you have been communicating with him on the regular for the last little while.
I put it out there perfectly clear that I've been in communications recently. I said for the first few months I didn't speak with him at all regardless of him contacting me. But I clearly said after that that we've spoken on the phone a handful of times and communicated through text message. Maybe you were confused as to the way I wrote it. I meant he initiates all of the communication.
Not that any of that ^^^ matters, but I severely hate being accused of dishonesty. I've put this story out there in it's entirety and I've never hidden a single post throughout this entire forum.
Like I've said... I'm only going to hear him out if I chose to see him. I'm not jumping into a relationship with anyone much less him and I'm actively dating.
Posted by shellshocker
You obviously haven't learned what you need in this situation so you'll hurt yourself again... but you won't be the one to change him.
p.s. his cheating didn't have anything to do with you as a person. you don't fully believe this... do you want to go back to prove it?
I've also clearly stated that I may not make the wisest decision and I will do that knowing so, but they are mine in the end to make. Some people need to test limits and I've always been one of those people. In this case, testing the limits at this point is looking him in the face while he explains himself and looking for a shred of honesty and maturity. I'm not stupid. At the very least, I hope you can see my thread reads differently than most of the victimized or looking only for the answers they want to hear threads. I am being 100% honest. Totally and completely.
I've stood by and watched my friends in the past make bad decisions. I've put out there my feelings, stated them clearly and then shut my mouth and let them make their mistakes. Regardless, I stick around to pick them up when they fall... Because at the end of the day people will always make their own choices even when we know what's best for them.
Hook....line....sunk.
Nights, we agreed not to discuss this!!!!
Making bad decisions is part of life... like trying drugs, dating the bad boys, driving reckless, etc. What I'm not doing is being naive. I'm going into a risky situation looking for something, if it ain't there, I'm not staying.
That's not being stupid.... that's doing something I so badly want to do, but talking it through with enough people that I'm wary of the situation and well prepared.
Making risky choices does not equal being completely stupid. Like we've all discussed.... you're right. I'm not completely over it even after giving it time, even after trying to move on, so now that situation is catering to my doorstep. At the very least I'm going to peek through the peephole. But thanks to my friends, my mother and this forum I am not going in naive and I have lots of constructive criticism to take in with me.
From the people who know me best here's the kind of advice I've gotten....
"Cal, I know you're probably going to meet with him, and I absolutely wish you wouldn't, but I understand why you're drawn to do so, it's only human. So if you're dead set on doing so let's discuss the pros and cons. Let's discuss the many different areas he could be coming from and what's most likely. Let's discuss how you can ask certain question to elicit response that will give you some insight."
Thus far, I've found those types of responses to be MUCH more effective and helpful than...
"You're going to do this? Oh, ok, well that makes you an idiot. Go ahead idiot, go hurt yourself again. Oh, and P.S. idiot girl, I now judge you and think less of you and I may never want to speak with you again."
Constructive over negativity... thank you for the people who have helped constructively here and by PM.
Thank you everyone for your comments because even the negative ones strike a cord and give me something to think about.
Making bad decisions is part of life... like trying drugs, dating the bad boys, driving reckless, etc. What I'm not doing is being naive. I'm going into a risky situation looking for something, if it ain't there, I'm not staying.
That's not being stupid.... that's doing something I so badly want to do, but talking it through with enough people that I'm wary of the situation and well prepared.
Making risky choices does not equal being completely stupid. Like we've all discussed.... you're right. I'm not completely over it even after giving it time, even after trying to move on, so now that situation is catering to my doorstep. At the very least I'm going to peek through the peephole. But thanks to my friends, my mother and this forum I am not going in naive and I have lots of constructive criticism to take in with me.
From the people who know me best here's the kind of advice I've gotten....
"Cal, I know you're probably going to meet with him, and I absolutely wish you wouldn't, but I understand why you're drawn to do so, it's only human. So if you're dead set on doing so let's discuss the pros and cons. Let's discuss the many different areas he could be coming from and what's most likely. Let's discuss how you can ask certain question to elicit response that will give you some insight."
Thus far, I've found those types of responses to be MUCH more effective and helpful than...
"You're going to do this? Oh, ok, well that makes you an idiot. Go ahead idiot, go hurt yourself again. Oh, and P.S. idiot girl, I now judge you and think less of you and I may never want to speak with you again."
Constructive over negativity... thank you for the people who have helped constructively here and by PM.
Thank you everyone for your comments because even the negative ones strike a cord and give me something to think about.
Nights....— You crushin on Gem. Ah so, you have a flamethrower burning for her. You 2 make a good e cpl. 🙂
Looks like her own allies are beginning to see what I observed from jump ... she's a Player, and manipulated the situation just like she is now, and pretending to be innocent.
The whole world can agree with something, doesn't make it right🙂
fwiw I think Gem gals rock!! Stay away from rotten fish though!😛
fwiw I think Gem gals rock!! Stay away from rotten fish though!😛
@Gems...I think you are looking for closure. I was in a similar situation...I found out he was unfaithful and immediately ended it. But I never spoke to him face to face after that. He wrote me a letter (not a very nice one), and I saw that he was hurt. Said I was wrong about him...I knew that I wasnt. But I did decide to meet with him again. He was very happy to see me and you know what?, I acted like everything was ok but I wasn't as "into" him anymore. I almost thought WTH was I thinking? I got my closure. I felt it was easier to move on and I did.
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I don't buy the excuse for cheating... yes, it's probably TECHNICALLY TRUE.. but it's a bullshit cop-out and just a straight up EXCUSE to justify doing something he KNEW was WRONG. He very clearly showed you that instead of being a mature adult and communicating issues.. or even being an (honest) douche and breaking up with you first.. he's willing to do something so fundamentally wrong.. simply cuz he wants to, cuz he can, and cuz it's easier than manning up and doing the right thing.
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