Ichthyo, Ichthyo (Page 4)

fascinating...

you've chosen to apply the same set of rules and circumstances to me as you would to normal human men. perhaps my facade is more convincing than i'd previously thought.

at any rate, let's not stray too far from the real subject at hand here - salvation. specifically, yours. you see thea, i am a unique opportunity in and of myself....

would not the moth enter the flame, if only the burning were sweeter than life?

would not the fly give itself willingly to the spider, if only the devouring were better than living?

and wouldn't the deer walk toward the headlights, if only the impact were more wonderful than life in the forest?

these truly are the questions you must consider, oh wayward thea, for every time a cosmic orgasm is missed, god sheds a tear.


-ichthyo

Duncan changed the format! Cool! Are you gonna ask me who Duncan is?! LOL!

I understand completely where you are coming from, Thea. I am not 'easy' either...but have a wild time when things are right! Pheromones matter more to me than looks...as does personality and how the guy treats me...
Another thing I learned is that acting out our fantasies is not always best...sometimes they are better left a fantasy and not brought into reality.

Ichthyo, you do come up with interesting lines...

My daughter and her boyfriend are so comfortable with me..it sometimes floors me...
They left a note sitting out that he had written saying she is 'so f*** hot'! I don't mean a love letter...a note that I couldn't help but see! Of course, I just laughed and asked her about it...she said he was just goofing around...
They are good kids...I just try to give guidance when they ask and trust that I instilled good values all along..
There are just some things you can't sweat...
She is so funny! She told me she had a nightmare the other night and when I asked what it was about, she said, "I had the perfect parents!" Guess it made me look better! LOL!

Talk to you later...
Star

star, who the hell is duncan?!

heh, naw.

yeah i noticed the change of format too. i thought it was because we had so many posts in here, but it's the entire site.

anyway, listen ladies; i'm only going to say this one time, and hopefully you will forget all about it soon after. see, because the hellish legions of doom do not take kindly to honesty and the revealing of their darkest secrets.

so i tell you this now, and never again-
even if she is unaware, thea is vicariously filling the gap created when i broke up with my girlfriend. she gives me something on which to focus, something i can direct my energies toward. she fills the void with a kind of flirtatious, sexual interaction, and although i hate to admit it, i think it's kind of necessary. i'm never without an avenue (aka attractive woman), to pursue, especially when i've lost one. but oh god, sometimes i miss colleen terribly, and at times my mind gets so bent out of shape that i question my decision to break up with her. sometimes i think i may have been in love with her and not known it. that's the worst part...entertaining the notion that i may have made a mistake. i know i didn't, i'm more certain of that than most things, but sometimes that awful, sinking doubt creeps in. i suppose i'm using thea as a crutch, or a bridge to carry me into the next stage of my life, whatever that may be.

so yes thea, i would love it if you actually came out here and visited me, and sure, i'd entertain the idea of penetrating your every orifice. i consider you a friend, virtual though you may be, and i care about what happens to you. but really, now you can see my pursuit of you for the sad, inevitable thing it is.


-ichthyo

That's ok I've been doing the same thing to you. We really suck don't we. Oh well if I can use you....you can use me. kay?
🙂
~Thea

I like the format but it still takes a long time to load. Oh yeah it was easier to scroll down to the bottom too.
Star- your daughter sounds great, it's good that you can communicate with her and on her level and still be able to instill values. That's what I try to do. I still haven't hit the teen years yet so there's no tellin how I'll be then.
~Thea

yes, YES!

use me thea, use me like the grim little voodoo doll i am!

-ichthyo

Where are you guys? Am I going to have to pick up the slack here??

Well OK...

Linda Lovelace died. I don't know if you ever heard of her...I was too young to actually see any of her movies...but, she was famous because the concept was different...I guess I am old enough now to watch one of her old movies...but, nah...watching isn't all that much fun...

Hmmm...I wasn't going to talk about sex and then the first thing I bring up reminds me of sex...
Have you ever heard that joke about the guy with the dog named "Sex". I like that joke!

Big weekend coming up...Daveman is going to meet the parents! Yikes! My Dad is a real trip...oh yeah, he is Pisces...
I don't know his whole natal chart. Truth is he can be a jerk...but, can't all men? No offense Ichthyo...but, once I accepted that all men are assholes, there are just different degrees of asshole...or perhaps it is measured in percentages...well, anyway, once I accepted it, my relationships with the opposite sex improved...
I am sure that my Dad will be on his semi-best behavior though...I don't think he has a total-best...
When I was growing up, we went to church every Sunday, but, when we were leaving the church parking lot, my Dad would invariably flip someone off (one of his buddies) with a big grin on his face...he got a real kick out of it and I think it was for the shock value and also to see if they had the guts to do it back on sacred ground...
I am sure he will tell a few funny stories...true stories...like the one he told me recently about going to a public men's restroom and while he is at the urinal, someone comes out of a stall and it is a little old lady! She walks over to where he is and just glares at him. He said, "She gave me the meanest look you could imagine"...and yes, he is still peeing! He said, "It made me wonder if I was in the wrong bathroom...I started to think...maybe they DO have urinals in the womens restrooms"...The lady finally did leave and he checked the sign when he left..just to be sure...

He tells it better and does the necessary expression of the old lady...
He can really make me laugh when he wants to!

Well, I better get some sleep...
Later,
Star

Oh my god that was funny!!! I am still laughing. You have got to be kidding me! She didn't say anything to him? She just gave him a look? That is tooo funny! I think I need to replace some of my makeup. My eyes are tearing!LOL!
~Thea

star! you're alive!

yeah, linda lovelace done got herself kilt in a car accident. she had it coming though, because she turned her back on the porn industry that made her what she was. ingrates go out hard. traci lords will follow in her footsteps.

tell us the dog named sex joke.

and while you're going to make sweeping generalizations about men, allow me to do the same for women -

have you seen that movie As Good As It Gets? when asked how he writes women so well, jack nicholson replies -

"i think of a man, then i take away reason and accountability."

OH! whatcha gonna do now star? huh? huh?? wheee hee hee hee!! god i am so sorry.

-ichthyo

Yeah tell us the joke ... oh and you just gotta read what Ichthyo posted Joe on Shout out. He was drinking coffee again.... LOL!
~Thea

Here is the joke:

A Dog Named Sex
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."

My case comes up on Friday...

Hope you liked the joke!

Thea,

Yeah, according to my Dad...the lady just stood and glared! No words! Funny!
Oh, I saw the 'coffee inspired' Ichthyo response on Joe's post!

Ichthyo,

I realize that I was making sweeping generalizations...
Actually, I laughed at Jack's line in "As Good As It Gets"! Good line!
So, what am I gonna do now? I am gonna salute you!

Star

salute?

i've been saluted.

BY GOD I CAN SEE IT NOW; HORDES OF MINDLESS FOLLOWERS, OBEYING MY EVERY COMMAND WITH MILITARY PRECISION AND RELIGIOUS ZEAL, FOR I WILL BE THE TYRANT OF INFINITY, AND I WILL DIRECT MY BROOD FROM ON HIGH, WHERE LIGHTNING STRIKES AND FLASHES WHITE ACROSS THE ROUGH SHAG OF MY GOAT HAUNCHES, FREEZING RAIN CLINGS TO THE THORNS THAT SPROUT FROM MY CHEST, AND ONE MILLION NAKED VIRGINS STRUGGLE AMONG THE ROCKS, SCRAPED AND BRUISED, TO CLIMB THE PEAK IN HOPES OF RECEIVING THE STING OF A LASH FROM MY HORRIBLE, BARBED TAIL.

-ichthyo

'We've all gone crazy lately. My friends out there rolling round the basement floor'

Star

Worse and Worse I tell you. He keeps getting these weird pictures of himself being evil.. I hope it's just the coffee. Ahhh Star I'm done for... I broke it off again. Once a month I'm tellin you. But this time.... I think I'm done. I'm tired of the ups and downs. It was great when I came back from my trip. But last Friday everything pretty much went downhill. Monday was fine until the afternoon but yesterday and today. Well...today I couldn't take it anymore. I demanded to know how he felt. He didn't want to talk about it because he didn't want to upset me... Well I'm not stupid I knew what that meant! Anyway... that's kinda why I haven't been posting as much lately been going thru a little bit of my own crisis and didn't really want to talk about it. Well like Heather said in her poem we write to erase. It does help. Anyway I'm feeling kinda numb right now. So Daveman's meeting the parents.... You gotta let us know what happens! Ichthyo has a fan on one of the new messages.... It was after one of his god-like dialogs. She is either trying to reform him or .... she is trying to ... get in his shorts.. You know the motel ones that scream I'm totally going to score.....🙂 He will probably kill me when he reads this.... He will feign outrage I can read it now... He loves it....
~Thea

Ichthyo,

My salute, meant something like "Hey Ho, cool, we're even"...it was not a plea to bring you into hysteria!! LOL!

But, yeah, men are still a mystery to me...must be why I keep going back for more! Before Daveman, I had even said, "No more!"...but, alas, I am weak of the flesh...

Woohoo! You gotta 'Jesus freak' fan!

Thea,

It sounds like a roller coaster ride...I feel for ya..
That is part of what gets me about men...the penis brain has no conscience! And, if the penis brain is the one doing most of the thinking...well...
I am not saying that is what he (your boss) has been doing, but, it is possible...
Yeah, I didn't think Daveman would be nervous, but he is. It will be OK though. There have been times when my sisters have brought a guy home and my Dad didn't say one word to the guy...talk about intimidating. I think part of the reason is that he possibly wasn't clued in that the guy was even coming...my sisters have a way of leaving my Dad out of things. I just speak up and kinda tease him when he seems a bit crabby...it works! But, I have also reminded him of some of my goof-ups when I was growing up...we actually talk about some of the stuff that I never thought we would talk about! He will like Daveman. He might make fun of him next time he sees me, but, he will like him. I don't know why, but, that is something my Dad does...although there is truth in the humor that comes out in the making fun stuff...
I will know best how they felt the next time I see them without Daveman.
Dysfunction...that is my family.

Did you like the joke?

Star

thea,

outrage?! i'm not even foaming at the mouth yet..

hey, you leave my jesus freak outta this. she is a cell of raw purity, and i intend to inject her with sin until her soul bursts, inverting, like popcorn.

and i'm not truly evil. i'm just complicated.

star,

the dog joke gets a B+

good luck with the daveman and your parents. if you really want to break the ice, just flash your yoo-hoos at everybody right before you sit down to dinner. that will lend a jovial spirit to the otherwise stagnant social ambience.

oh, and thea, send me an email!

-ichthyo

Ichthyo- now now don't get defensive about your Jesus Freak.. and I already did.
Star- I liked your joke too. I don't think it would be a good idea to flash your yoo-hoos it would probably make everything a tad bit more uncomfortable. But if that's what you want to do then uh... more power to you.

~Thea

bygones.

hey, would you lovelies like to see what i look like when i consume too much caffeine? i've described it before, but yesterday i managed to design an actual image using 4 different pictures and a whole lot of drawing.

...just remember - thunder and lightning from on high...

http://lodevicus.users5.50megs.com/goat.gif<BR>
-ichthyo

OK, Ichthyo, you win...I never thought of goats as sexy before...until now!
Star

damn straight!

now join my endless horde of naked succubi! ascend the mointain top and curl at my heels. there's always room for one more!

-ichthyo

How sweet it is...but, alas, I cannot surrender...I am a leader and not a follower. I walk to my own beat, and let me tell you, it rocks!

Bittersweet though it is, I must look away and trudge on my own path. Aquarianism, you know.

Hey you two!
It went well with my parents and Daveman...I thought my Dad was very good! I will have to compliment him on that. Daveman's impressions were that my Mom is very nice and that it takes a long time to get to know my Dad. How true! But, for a first meeting...it was good. My Dad surprised me and bought everyone lunch! Daveman didn't realize what a gallant gesture it was! These people (my parents) had to live in a shoebox as children, walk to school barefoot in the snow...uphill...both ways! Even now, they go on fancy vacations, but cannot get rid of things until they are TOTALLY worn out! They invented see-through towels...you never see them on the market...not a popular item! The last time I was there and saw my Dad's leather slippers that barely resembled slippers any more, I commented that it looked like he needs a new pair...thinking I had my Father's
Day gift idea...but, Mom says, he has a new pair that he never wears...he is waiting for this pair to wear out!! Oh, yeah...these are my parents!

Hope all is well on your homefronts!
Star

great to hear star.

i don't suppose you managed to find an opportunity in which to flash your yoo-hoos, did you?

god i'm sorry. 🙂

anyway, thea is missing in action again. i'll keep on the lookout, but the enemy is cunning, and i fear she may be lost to us forever.

-ichthyo

Ichthyo!

I coulda flashed...but, I just didn't think my parents would understand...they are pretty forgiving of me...I am the only one who has said 'fuck' at the table and gotten away with it...but, it went with the story I was telling!!
Maybe next time! (Without my parents!)

Yeah...Thea is missing in action...

Thea,
If you think for some reason that I don't want you included...you are wrong! Girl! I miss you and hope all is well on your side of the world!!

Star

oh naw,

thea's just really busy with work.

she can't stay away from sexual ambience the likes of which i secrete. i am her heroin. i am her coke. i am the monkey upon her back, and she always comes back in the end.

whoohaaaww! oh thank jesus tomorrow is friday. i've got WAY too many braincells at the moment, and they're just begging to be destroyed.

z

Hi Star,

I got your post. I've been so busy. Corporate mmerger (hostile takeover) is going on at work.

I'll check in with you later.

Anna

Hi Anna!

How goes it? What do you do for a living?

Star