Married Pisces woman says she loves me but pushes me away

Yip I know this topic has come up many times but I am really confused at my current situation. Can any Pisces ladies shed some light?

I am a 40 year old Cancer male deeply in love with a beautiful, sensuous (but married) 30 year old Pisces lady. First about her marriage. She has been married to an Aries man for 4 years (her 2nd marriage) and is dreadfully unhappy. She was married before (also to an Aries man go figure who was an alcoholic and abusive). She leads a totally separate life from her husband. They hardly even talk and do not even share the same bed. She has told me on many occasions that she has no romantic feelings for him at all but cares for him like a brother and does not want to hurt him. She has two young children - one with her current husband and one from her previous marriage.

We met 4 months ago when our eyes lockwd at a local bar. After a short chat she left to go home and we did not see each other until two weeks later when we ran into each other again at the same bar and on this occasion could not stop staring into each other's eyes. It felt almost unreal like our souls were hugging. There was a definite soul mate like connection that neither of us had ever experienced before. We began to text each other constantly throughout the week and it turned out that we have so much in common. She started to let her guard down after a few weeks and started to share some deep secrets with me and I in turn with her which brought us even closer together. I totally swept her off her feet sending flowers and poems to her work and sending deep romantic texts. Things progressed from there and we started making love on weekends when she would inform her husband that she was out with her friend but would instead be over at my place. She would sometimes even sneak away during her lunch break to make love to me. Recently she has often told me that she loves me, even whispering it to me during our lovemaking. The connection that we felt is so strong it almost feels that we have been brought together by the universe.

I will continue in the next post as I am running out of space....

It's so tough. But is she planning on divorcing him at all?...

continued....

A few weeks ago though she started to reveal a dark side to herself where she would drink excessively and then become rude and cold towards me. She would later always apologise profusely and claim that she sometimes pushes the people that she loves away when she drinks. We also began chatting about our future together and she spoke about us as though we would be together and that she was deciding on the best way to leave her husband. Since then her husband has suspected her of having an affair and has threatened to take her children away from her. He also drinks excessively and she has on occasion had to fetch the children from him when he has gone out with them to a bar and became unfit to drive. She started to express confusion about leaving him stating that she wants to be with me and loves me but is afraid of what the divorce would do to the children. She also feels sorry for her husband fearing that he would self-destruct should she leave him and cannot be the cause of pain to him and her children.

On Friday evening last week she was out at a family BBQ with her husband and daughters and contacted me at 2 in the morning to come over. She was crying and said that I would be better off without her. She did come over and cried in my arms almost the entire evening. She claimed that her youngest daughter had turned cold towards her and wants nothing to do with her. She told me in person the next evening that I should leave her as I deserve better than being with someone that cannot give themselves to me fully due to her crazy situation. I told her then that I love her and want to be with her but if is that is what she really wants then I will do that. She left. I sent her a text the next day stating again that I love her and accept her for the person she is and that I only want to be with her. I also offered to help her financially should she leave her husband. She replied with the following text:

"This is hurting. I really love you and I'm scared. Scared that our love and this special connection we have that I've never had before will end up monstrous. Won't be able to deal with another disappointment. I honestly believe that I am the problem and make these men who they become and I don't want to do the same to you. I love and care too much about you."

I am now confused as to whether she really loves me as she claims or if she is just trying to let me down gently. Should I pursue this or just back off? If I pursue then it almost appears as though I have no backbone or self-respect. Why should I chase after someone who has told me to leave? On the other had could this be a test to see if I'll fight for her?

I really love this woman completely and unconditionally. I only want to see her happy but I also do not want to lose the chance of a future with her.

Posted by OceanBoy88
You need to stay away from her for your own sake. Married twice sounds like a pattern. Sure the love making was great and she happens to be a pisces but use your outside judgement. Place your mind outside of the relationship and consider it carefully. I personally wouldnt get into that, ive seen pisces women at their worst, especially when something nice shows up. They can be the devil when they want to escape their reality

Thanks. She has admitted that she has issues and she's scared of hurting me. Please refer to my continued post in the comments. I am in too deep to just walk away cleanly.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
It's so tough. But is she planning on divorcing him at all?...

She claims she wants to but I think the fear of the unknown, fear of hurting her kids and being the cause of her husband' s pain would rather make a her sacrifice her own happiness. Could this be?

Damn intense after.

Both parties have problems right now and all you can do is be a friend. But if the husband even thinks she is having an affair and takes it to court and summons you. No more kids if they see unfit parent. Like you mention take the kids away. She not going to have that happen.

Even the dad is unfit too but you can't do anything it's not your concern to meddle with them.

Yikes man.

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
It's so tough. But is she planning on divorcing him at all?...

She claims she wants to but I think the fear of the unknown, fear of hurting her kids and being the cause of her husband' s pain would rather make a her sacrifice her own happiness. Could this be?

click to expand

If I was in your shoes, I would leave it be there is no way right now and you stick with this problem that is not yours and can't even do anything about it sadly. What's your moon, why so involved. I've been thinking about you want this but do you need this. You might be holding on and miss out on someone else.

I know we can't help who we get involved with in our lives, but sometimes it's lessons we have to learn and over come to be better. Nothing is wrong with you just wrong timing, person, and situations at hand. You can't force it. Just take a few steps backs.

Thanks firstdecantaurianwomen0428

No idea what my Moon is. Just know I'm Cancer (born on July 9th). If you could feel the passion between us (almost certain we are soul mates) then it would be easier to relate. There was actually none of the usual infatuation between us. It was almost as though we loved each other instantly and had known each other all our lives. I have never felt this way before (been with plenty of women), hence why I'm so committed.

Posted by Cricket808
I don't understand why people who have affairs ask for advice on forums. Just don't expect a friendly response.

You should leave the Pisces lady alone. She seems a hot mess and clearly needs to work on herself before she decide to start a new relationship with someone else. Like someone said earlier her being married twice seems likes a pattern.

I probably deserve that. I don't think she was searching for an affair. People are human and things just happen.

Messing around with married people?

AnOdeToNoOne I probably deserve that too. In my defence I was under the impression that her marriage was over and she was in the process of leaving her husband when we met.

They still married though and unless she told you we getting a divorce and actually split then maybe.

But it's toxic. But we really don't know. just hope the kids are great and if one kid is already mad then that's another

Thing to be dealing with amongst them. He could be her rock financially, she could be his rock. They both shouldn't be drinking a rounds kids like that though.

And are you ready for 2 kids and your own with her, and whatever else drama with the daddies..

Are you married ? Or have a gf?

cricket808 this is true. Maybe she just married the wrong people or for the wrong reasons. You can't force something to work when things get tough if it's not meant to be or if you do not love that person any longer. I think we all deserve to be happy and to find 'the one'. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
And are you ready for 2 kids and your own with her, and whatever else drama with the daddies..

Are you married ? Or have a gf?

I am also separated from my wife with our divorce being finalised in court next month. I have a nine year old daughter and a 19 year old son. I am more than happy in accepting her and her daughters. They are both pretty awesome kids.

Thanks Oceanboy88

The best thing for the children would actually be for her to walk away from that toxic environment. More damage will be done to the children seeing their parents ignoring each other, being cold and drinking excessively. If she leaves she has a chance to be happy and not settle for a dead marriage. She will then teach her daughters the lesson of not settling but following your heart to happiness. A far better lesson in my opinion.

It's okay to date others if you want to you know.

Nemilicious thanks.

I see your point. We stay in a small town so I have been able to verify most of what she has said about her current marriage. As for her loving me I don't feel the eyes can lie. I am a Cancer so quite intuitive and I hope I could tell if she was bluffing. Doesn't feel like it.

Nemilicious. Sure people lie all the time. However what automatically qualifies her as a master manipulator? I feel that is quite a brash and pessimistic comment to make without actually knowing the person. She may also just be confused, emotionally weak and trapped by her situation.

Cricket808 I have read up plenty. I have thrown out a few subtle tests for her in the past to see if I can trust her or if she lies and she passed each one. I know Pisces women can be slippery and deceiving but they can also be devoted and want to avoid hurting people. That is my dilemma. I know it appears as though she is untrusting because she is having an affair but there is a bigger picture and a side to her that perhaps only I can see. I really know she is not a bad person.

Cricket808 during our conversations about our future she did say that she is terrified of taking her eldest daughter through another divorce as she has already experienced it once. Also the fact that she is concerned that her husband will self-destruct without her indicates that she is trying to act unselfishly and place their needs above her own happiness with me. Could she be self-sacrificing? I believe this is a trait that some Pisces females display?

If he suggested marriage counseling he loses her forever.

Posted by Nemilicious

Posted by CancerInLove75
Nemilicious thanks.

I see your point. We stay in a small town so I have been able to verify most of what she has said about her current marriage. As for her loving me I don't feel the eyes can lie. I am a Cancer so quite intuitive and I hope I could tell if she was bluffing. Doesn't feel like it.

don´t be silly. people lie all the time.

you seem to have caught yourself a master manipulator here; you´re the exit card - for the moment.

i am sure other pisces will have some better input; i don´t think this will end well for you.

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If I'm the exit card then why is she not exiting?

Cricket808 True. She had been trying for 3 years. She said that the issues started materialising after a year when her husband became cold towards her due to her not wanting sex for a while as she was suffering from issues with her ovaries after giving birth to their daughter. Even though she still craved affection he would not give any and would go out all the time rather than spend time with her at home etc. She also realised during this time that she married him for the wrong reasons and felt pressurised by her family and friends who felt he was a great 'catch' and could provide stability and security. She has told me that she has never felt the same way about anyone the way she does about me and when she looks at her husband she realises now that she never had a strong connection with him to begin with. The connection we have feels almost spiritual.

Check your message box cancerinlove75

This is heartbreaking. I'm going to remove myself and not be judgmental and try my best to "see" use my intuition on this one. This is a bit hard since I don't personally KNOW you guys.

What is giving me pause is that she is a Pisces and most likely will not leave her husband for quite sometime due to what you said. She doesn't want to hurt him. Meaning some feelings are still involved, they may leave separate lives, but that statement means a lot for Pisces. We have a tendency to play a martyr in relationships, things could change, they can try again. Whatever. Also the kids play somewhat a factor, but she already left one man with the kids being a factor so...

Her being with an Aries man (brave soul) can bring fire to your doorstep. The dude is fire when pissed... you live in a small town so it is only a matter of time before the confrontation will come looking for you. I just hope that you're children are not around when it does come around.

I'm not saying that there is no connection there, cancer and Pisces do seem to have a strong connection. Her telling you to leave could be "I want you to fight for me, and prove you want me" She has trust issues and for her to leave her situation (which is bad, but known) and leave for you (which is unknown) is a risk. Then her fear of her husband waging "war" is going to be even more scary. Her cheating will not lead to her loosing the kids, but the drinking... will not look good in the court's eyes. Also, I have a feeling her saying that is a mixture of what I just stated and the other, this IS a warning.

You're about to get mixed up with this woman, who could very well be bad news. I mean, if you're still interested, you may want to investigate why both marriages failed. I mean really dig deep. Did it stem from her drinking? She said when she drinks she hurts the people she loves and drives them away. That is a huge red blaring sign. Why? Why does she do that. That is not normal pisces behavior. We adore the people we love.

I do see what others are speaking about you being and "exit" or escape of her reality. Yes, this can happen with an unhappy fish. I think she trusts you on certain levels, but also this woman...is uh... complicated and may not be healthy for you or in any relationship. She needs to just figure out why she is the way she is.

She is just going to jump from whatever makes her feel good and when it doesn't she will bail, slowly. I can see this as her pattern. Sounds like she doesn't take the time to fully understand herself, which is bad.

I have a feeling that if she does leave, you guys end up together, when she is unhappy... you may want to scope out other bars in the town...she is most likely doing what she is doing with you now. She is broken.

Dn.

Damn.

You're a cheater.

A woman would be completely retarded to leave what she has going for a dude who doesn't care about boundaries and respect.

Since you believe you know everything about her since you live in a small town .. then it's safe to assume that everyone knows about how you don't have respect, and will invade upon other people's privacy, to just take what you want.

And she's no prize either, since she will suck a man's dick, while married to another.

But, none of this is as disgusting as how smug you are.



Both of you deserve to be ripped apart, and the universe always answers, so don't worry ... your due is coming.

Posted by P-Angel
You're a cheater.

A woman would be completely retarded to leave what she has going for a dude who doesn't care about boundaries and respect.

Since you believe you know everything about her since you live in a small town .. then it's safe to assume that everyone knows about how you don't have respect, and will invade upon other people's privacy, to just take what you want.

And she's no prize either, since she will suck a man's dick, while married to another.

But, none of this is as disgusting as how smug you are.



Both of you deserve to be ripped apart, and the universe always answers, so don't worry ... your due is coming.

And you have enough information on me as a person (other than the fact that I have fallen for a married woman) to accurately judge me smug and attack my character, wishing me to be ripped apart by the universe? Perhaps you should start thinking positive thoughts in case you also reap what you sow and the universe answers. So easy to judge....

Posted by Nemilicious

Posted by CancerInLove75
Nemilicious. Sure people lie all the time. However what automatically qualifies her as a master manipulator? I feel that is quite a brash and pessimistic comment to make without actually knowing the person. She may also just be confused, emotionally weak and trapped by her situation.

i think i am being to easy on you.

you are saying i am being brash and pessimistic because i do not support both of your idiotic mind-games?

reading more - i see both of you thrive on drama.

please, do not forget to update us. smh.

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Why so personal? I actually hate drama. Just trying to be unbiased and attempting to perhaps see a different side to this. I don't always naturally assume someone is evil. Also note that I am in love with this person so maybe my judgement is slightly clouded, hence why I am attempting to gather the thoughts of others.

You pretty much got a high does of reality check. It's up to you some good people who can see better than others here. Good luck we've done all we could. It's your choice now.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
You pretty much got a high does of reality check. It's up to you some good people who can see better than others here. Good luck we've done all we could. It's your choice now.

Thanks for your comments. Will have to figure it out.

Nemilicious I get it. Maybe you don't feel the pull of love as strongly as I do and obviously have a different view on things. Yes perhaps I have been blinded by passion and hence made the wrong choice to pursue when I should have walked away. I am guilty as charged. I have some serious thinking to do...

Posted by Impulsv
Op is it hard for u to meet single women

Just curious

Not at all. I have no problem picking up single women (while I was single). Note that I was also in the process of divorcing my wife. It was the connection that I felt with this woman that pulled me in.

Posted by Arielle83
Fuck you cancer brah!

You're letting me down.

Cancer's usually hate drama!

You're frothing on this tryst.

Hate to let down my fellow Cancers. Shit. I think I have been totally blindsided on this occasion. The connection was just so strong. I should have exercised better judgement.

Your first clue to her failing marriage is her fault is the binge drinking. Second issue to be wary of is that she's a pathological liar. 3rd issue is that she's a coward and can't even manage her own marriage.

Does this sound like someone you'd want to spend forever with?

Posted by Impulsv
Oh I see your recent divorce. Maybe you don't have faith fabout finding the same kind of connection with a single woman.

You know you can right

You can experiences without the drama without the emotional unavailability, without the games, without the hiding, without the hot and cold, without the betrayals,. Maybe you do like the drama

I mean your recently divorced you're not even giving yourself a chance to meet a single woman with all those qualities he just jumped in into drama and unhealthy relationship. Why is it safer

I didn't consciously make a choice to meet a married woman or even jump into another relationship. It just happened one night that we met and connected on what felt like a spiritual level. I guess I just (stupidly and naively) got sucked in and carried away. I have no problem meeting single women.

Posted by Sssupes
Your first clue to her failing marriage is her fault is the binge drinking. Second issue to be wary of is that she's a pathological liar. 3rd issue is that she's a coward and can't even manage her own marriage.

Does this sound like someone you'd want to spend forever with?

Yip all valid points.

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by Impulsv
Op is it hard for u to meet single women

Just curious

Not at all. I have no problem picking up single women (while I was single). Note that I was also in the process of divorcing my wife. It was the connection that I felt with this woman that pulled me in.

click to expand

Why don't you go back to your wife and make it work, get counseling... Since maybe this other woman is sidetracking your own. In hopes but never happens.

Posted by Impulsv
Do you have the rescue syndrome that's not a healthy thing for your soul

I think you need to take time to heal from your first marriage and find out why you're choosing what you're choosing

I do feel that I want to help her escape her situation permanently. But I know that it is not really up to me. She is an adult and needs to help herself at the end of the day.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by Impulsv
Op is it hard for u to meet single women

Just curious

Not at all. I have no problem picking up single women (while I was single). Note that I was also in the process of divorcing my wife. It was the connection that I felt with this woman that pulled me in.

Why don't you go back to your wife and make it work, get counseling... Since maybe this other woman is sidetracking your own. In hopes but never happens.

click to expand

Don't love my wife unfortunately hence why I left the marriage.

Posted by Arielle83
Fuck you cancer brah!

You're letting me down.

Cancer's usually hate drama!

You're frothing on this tryst.

lol

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by Impulsv
Op is it hard for u to meet single women

Just curious

Not at all. I have no problem picking up single women (while I was single). Note that I was also in the process of divorcing my wife. It was the connection that I felt with this woman that pulled me in.

Why don't you go back to your wife and make it work, get counseling... Since maybe this other woman is sidetracking your own. In hopes but never happens.

Don't love my wife unfortunately hence why I left the marriage.

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was it an arranged marriage?

Posted by Impulsv
Please please heal ur white knighting need

I see a lot of men mess up their lives cuz need to feel like rescuing damsels in distress that are damaged

No judgement I was one of those females that wanted to rescue damaged men.

When u play with broken glass u get cut!

Valid comment. I don't think it's something that I often feel compelled to do. This is the first time I have felt the need to really rescue a damsel. Perhaps because I have fallen in love and it is a Cancer trait to protect? I'll definitely look out for that it future in case it becomes a pattern.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Arielle83
Fuck you cancer brah!

You're letting me down.

Cancer's usually hate drama!

You're frothing on this tryst.

lol

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by CancerInLove75

Posted by Impulsv
Op is it hard for u to meet single women

Just curious

Not at all. I have no problem picking up single women (while I was single). Note that I was also in the process of divorcing my wife. It was the connection that I felt with this woman that pulled me in.

Why don't you go back to your wife and make it work, get counseling... Since maybe this other woman is sidetracking your own. In hopes but never happens.

Don't love my wife unfortunately hence why I left the marriage.

was it an arranged marriage?

click to expand

Not at all. Just fell out of love with her. She is a great person and we are still close friends.

All of these juvenile threads of late ... I fucking can't wait for school to start back up.

He says kids and previous marriages to make his viewing audience believe he is older .... but, his words are very juvenile and don't actually represent the adult thought process

Posted by P-Angel
He says kids and previous marriages to make his viewing audience believe he is older .... but, his words are very juvenile and don't actually represent the adult thought process

You are quite amusing P-Angel. Not sure if this is your crappy attempt at dry humour or you just have serious anger issues and must insult at every opportunity? It does amuse me though.

Posted by Impulsv
Op why not rescue wife. She must be in a lot of pain due to break up n she did nothing wrong

Does not cheat on her man

Has character

N lost his man on someone so below her in moral character.

What a slap to her face

Yeah instead of focusing on this woman's life ( who I see as lowly destroying marriages n have no problem cheating on spouses)

See n have compassion on ur wife n what she going through

Open ur heart to that.

Unfortunately we already separated and agreed to divorce before I met this woman. She was not the cause of us splitting. I cannot be with someone I don't love unfortunately as much as I wish I did still love her.