Some assistance please. Never lasting relationships and douchebag guys (Page 2)

Posted by Mels

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mels

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Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mels
Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

Don't date someone for 4 months without asking for commitment. If commitment doesn't happen within the first month of dating you move onto the next. At that age 40-50, he should know what he wants and if your it.

My mother's friend and I were talking about this. She found a lot of men this age DON'T actually want commitment. Not in the way women do.



They are usually divorced or have at least lived with someone. They see it as starting over.

What they want ...is a love friend. If you understand.

Or most men that age who are single have something wrong with them ..i mean if they never married. Or they simply never WANTED to marry.

A guy who is 40 ....and not married either has issues ..or didn't want to marry.

Its not about what they want. Its about what SHE WANTS.

She wants a relationship.

Dating is a numbers game and when your short on time you can't afford to waste it on dudes who don't want the same end game as you.

It’s hard to filter them out. Always start out happy and dandy. Then they show their true side.

Yeah dating is hard. Its always rainbows and roses at the beginning.

Are you up front from the first date that you are looking for a relationship?

Oh yah. I’m an open book. I am pretty clear on the first couple of dates about what I am looking for. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time and my own of course.

click to expand

Do you always lead with you wanting a relationship? Or do you ask them what they are looking to get out of dating first...

Posted by RooSagicorn

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Posted by Halycon

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.

Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****

I star'd the relevant part ^^^.

Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.

Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.

I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.

Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.

Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.

Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?

Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.

So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?

Why? Very curious. ❤️

I kept him not drinking for 10 years. But I had to take care of everyone him & the kids, and put aside me. Basically I chose he was more important than me. 3 years before I left I had a breakdown, or something and that’s when I started doing the personal growth. To save myself. I worked on me thinking it was me because that’s what he told me. I thought I was saving the marriage.. but he refused to go to AA, to counseling, and tried to stop me and became very controlling. He was what you call a dry drunk. 2 years after I left, he started drinking again.. give until you destroy yourself basically.

So I obviously had to learn another way....

Are you considering it waste of time or you would do it again?

The marriage? There was a lot of good & two super sweet kids. So it was worth it. But I should not have taken his problems on as my own. That was a mistake. Live and learn. It’s in the past and I can’t take it back.

How are kids and him? Have they ever asked? Had they saw and felt?

Because while we live and learn - there are others who SEE and FEEL and we think they aren’t.

He has a girlfriend & is drinking again - too much. The kids suffered, it would’ve been better to leave after my daughter was born. They are doing well now though, both have done counseling and are very close to me and not to their father because of things he does and doesn’t do. But they have one healthy parent at least.

click to expand

Sorry babe! You would better to leave but you didn’t. And you seem so smart right now. So was it your age? Too young and hopeful to make things better or live or being scared being alone?

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

Based on what is bolded, you are getting too invested way too early, IMHO.

I think most guys, irrespective of sign, would either get scared off or would have no respect for you (doing that much so early without knowing how invested the man is).

The first question that comes to mind, no disrespect intended, is if you have a self esteem issue.

Nothing wrong with doing things for people, but I sense you're expecting something in return (even if you didn't say as such).

click to expand

Actually no. I never ask for anything. It’s just in my nature to give. Even at work with my co workers. My friends. My family. People that are important to me.

Like the first example... the cancerian guy. His teenage daughter was into photography. I had a new Nikon camera given to me that I’ve never touched. I just gave it to him because it’s no use for me. Never wanted anything back. I didn’t need it so I just gave it away.

Or

Other Virgo guy. Bedding I had from crate and barrel... never used. Silk full set bedding. Probably about 700 at least. He needed bedding (never asked me but he was just searching online for a set) and I just gave it to him.

Never expected anything back. I didn’t need it so I just gave.

Just who I am.

Some may call me an idiot. I just don’t think materialist things are important. It’s the gesture. Think nothing of it

Don’t know why people are so intimidated by givers.

Well I’m paying (life lesson) for it now.

Posted by gyrados
Find you a Capricorn man then. they don't play games.

Never had one.

Noted. Will hunt one down. Haha. No serious.

I am tired of games

Posted by RooSagicorn

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Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Halycon

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.

Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****

I star'd the relevant part ^^^.

Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.

Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.

I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.

Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.

Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.

Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?

Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.

So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?

Why? Very curious. ❤️

I kept him not drinking for 10 years. But I had to take care of everyone him & the kids, and put aside me. Basically I chose he was more important than me. 3 years before I left I had a breakdown, or something and that’s when I started doing the personal growth. To save myself. I worked on me thinking it was me because that’s what he told me. I thought I was saving the marriage.. but he refused to go to AA, to counseling, and tried to stop me and became very controlling. He was what you call a dry drunk. 2 years after I left, he started drinking again.. give until you destroy yourself basically.

So I obviously had to learn another way....

Are you considering it waste of time or you would do it again?

The marriage? There was a lot of good & two super sweet kids. So it was worth it. But I should not have taken his problems on as my own. That was a mistake. Live and learn. It’s in the past and I can’t take it back.

How are kids and him? Have they ever asked? Had they saw and felt?

Because while we live and learn - there are others who SEE and FEEL and we think they aren’t.

He has a girlfriend & is drinking again - too much. The kids suffered, it would’ve been better to leave after my daughter was born. They are doing well now though, both have done counseling and are very close to me and not to their father because of things he does and doesn’t do. But they have one healthy parent at least.

Sorry babe! You would better to leave but you didn’t. And you seem so smart right now. So was it your age? Too young and hopeful to make things better or live or being scared being alone?

I was 35. He almost died going through withdrawals in the hospital, was told he would die within 6 months if he didn’t completely stop drinking, I had a 5 yr old ADHD child, and I got pregnant 6 months later. I didn’t know what to do, and due to my own issues was overwhelmed, shut down emotionally and just took care of everyone. For 10 years! Some sort of breakdown happened then when I was 45 & I had no choice but to do the work. And stop shutting down eventually.

I am only smart because I learned the hard way & due to intensive therapy, 12 step program and super great friends who were there for me until I worked through it all. I had to learn I was important too.. wish I’d done it earlier but it was better than never 😉

click to expand

So this program can make you?

Send me a link please.

All I’d tried was a crap!

I KNOW how important I am! I have no doubt about it but I am apparently have something I am unaware! I would never do what you had done because I wouldn’t let anyone doing it to me!

I think...

Years later when THANKS GOD my child is on her own successfull and I can DO something - I can’t! I am 51 and sick and tired of shit!

Thanks for talking and being open.

❤️

Posted by Mels

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

Based on what is bolded, you are getting too invested way too early, IMHO.

I think most guys, irrespective of sign, would either get scared off or would have no respect for you (doing that much so early without knowing how invested the man is).

The first question that comes to mind, no disrespect intended, is if you have a self esteem issue.

Nothing wrong with doing things for people, but I sense you're expecting something in return (even if you didn't say as such).

Actually no. I never ask for anything. It’s just in my nature to give. Even at work with my co workers. My friends. My family. People that are important to me.

Like the first example... the cancerian guy. His teenage daughter was into photography. I had a new Nikon camera given to me that I’ve never touched. I just gave it to him because it’s no use for me. Never wanted anything back. I didn’t need it so I just gave it away.

Or

Other Virgo guy. Bedding I had from crate and barrel... never used. Silk full set bedding. Probably about 700 at least. He needed bedding (never asked me but he was just searching online for a set) and I just gave it to him.

Never expected anything back. I didn’t need it so I just gave.

Just who I am.

Some may call me an idiot. I just don’t think materialist things are important. It’s the gesture. Think nothing of it

Don’t know why people are so intimidated by givers.

Well I’m paying (life lesson) for it now.

click to expand

"Don’t know why people are so intimidated by givers. "

People are not intimidated by givers, but if they cant reciprocate, they feel guilt that they cant reciprocate in the same way.... and they are afraid the giver will take over their lives, as somebody else said...

"Well I’m paying (life lesson) for it now."

Being a "victim" is never attractive 🙂

the "I cant change my personality" and "it will be fate" is a shyt mindset, no more moaning!

if you are determined to not work on yourself, then own it - its nobody´s fault they are not prepared to let their lives taken over, you SEEM to intrusive with your "giving" and people usually dont like too intrusive people..... your intentions are good, but the effect is fatal

It's not much information, altough you said one of the chap said he was overwhelmed. That's might tells you the indicator where you go too strong. It feels like you might be a bit desperate and overdo your attention - intention towards those guys in the sake of them holding on you.

If so, it can backfires as you stretching boundaries of others and you come across too hard. You don't need to be accepted or validated by anyone, make sure you clear with yourself who you are and what values you have. Try to balance and dont feel shame to recieved

I am a giver too, altough I am the opposite case when people got so comforted on my reliability that tend to forget boundaries, trying taken for granted so I need to give them reality check some time

About douschbag guys, it's sort of similar situation as narcissist and empath attract each other.

If you have strong sense of fairness and boundaries u can cut through instantly where you have to draw a line. Don't be afraid doing so. Respect yourself, others will do that yo you then. Saying no, without guilt might be tough one for you, but remember you re not want to be a doormat of anyone do you? Cut those guys out of your life, and don't pity yourself because of others lack of integrity and manner. It's not your fault. Dont stay in a relationship just for a sake of not being alone.

The most important is to remember :

You teach people how to treat you the way you act, and if you get shit back then it because you allow that to happen and it's only your fault no one elses

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Gemitati

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Posted by Halycon

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

I mean what I'm about to say in the best-meaning way possible, but you sound co-dependent from what you wrote.

Co-dependent: is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, ***poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.****

I star'd the relevant part ^^^.

Another definition of co-dependency is when one minimizes their own needs in order to meet another's to the point of self-harm.

Your post made me think about these things because in each relationship you mentioned, VERY early on you went way beyond what would have been sufficient with no hint of reciprocity coming your way at all. This from what you said is consistent pattern.

I would strongly suggest you do some inner-searching to see if there is any truth to what I'm suggesting. If there is, go get some counseling.

Lastly, I'm not speaking from on-high. I'm the child of addicts, from a family slam full of addicts. I know very well what co-dependency is and any child growing up like I did will too.

Exactly this. This is why I told you a summary of my story ( the OP). I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years. It does a # on you and you have to learn to act differently to get a different result. You can still be a giver, but without getting walked on.

Honey, baby, darling...why for 17 years? Why— Was he that rich? Or his alco-sex was as amazing?

Ha neither! He stopped drinking after 5 years & I tried to save him Aka make sure he didn’t die because I loved him. I did the work & learned how to take care of myself & left because I ended up in a bad place.

So he wasn’t drinking for 12 last years and you had tried to better yourself even you were a giver and it ended messy?

Why? Very curious. ❤️

I kept him not drinking for 10 years. But I had to take care of everyone him & the kids, and put aside me. Basically I chose he was more important than me. 3 years before I left I had a breakdown, or something and that’s when I started doing the personal growth. To save myself. I worked on me thinking it was me because that’s what he told me. I thought I was saving the marriage.. but he refused to go to AA, to counseling, and tried to stop me and became very controlling. He was what you call a dry drunk. 2 years after I left, he started drinking again.. give until you destroy yourself basically.

So I obviously had to learn another way....

Are you considering it waste of time or you would do it again?

The marriage? There was a lot of good & two super sweet kids. So it was worth it. But I should not have taken his problems on as my own. That was a mistake. Live and learn. It’s in the past and I can’t take it back.

How are kids and him? Have they ever asked? Had they saw and felt?

Because while we live and learn - there are others who SEE and FEEL and we think they aren’t.

He has a girlfriend & is drinking again - too much. The kids suffered, it would’ve been better to leave after my daughter was born. They are doing well now though, both have done counseling and are very close to me and not to their father because of things he does and doesn’t do. But they have one healthy parent at least.

Sorry babe! You would better to leave but you didn’t. And you seem so smart right now. So was it your age? Too young and hopeful to make things better or live or being scared being alone?

I was 35. He almost died going through withdrawals in the hospital, was told he would die within 6 months if he didn’t completely stop drinking, I had a 5 yr old ADHD child, and I got pregnant 6 months later. I didn’t know what to do, and due to my own issues was overwhelmed, shut down emotionally and just took care of everyone. For 10 years! Some sort of breakdown happened then when I was 45 & I had no choice but to do the work. And stop shutting down eventually.

I am only smart because I learned the hard way & due to intensive therapy, 12 step program and super great friends who were there for me until I worked through it all. I had to learn I was important too.. wish I’d done it earlier but it was better than never 😉

So this program can make you?

Send me a link please.

All I’d tried was a crap!

I KNOW how important I am! I have no doubt about it but I am apparently have something I am unaware! I would never do what you had done because I wouldn’t let anyone doing it to me!

I think...

Years later when THANKS GOD my child is on her own successfull and I can DO something - I can’t! I am 51 and sick and tired of shit!

Thanks for talking and being open.

❤️

I think you may be codependent just because you are having so much trouble leaving. See you say you know you’re important but yet you don’t leave because you’re afraid he’s going to die without you & are teaching him how to do things. It’s not that different than what I did except that I was faced with actual death if he didn’t stop drinking.

I left 4 months after I started going to meetings - once a week - as he’s telling me I’m not allowed to go. Wtf! Are you kidding me? Watch this lol. The website is www.coda.com. You can find a meeting close to you on there. Alanon is similar but Coda would be more what you need. It is codependents anonymous - a 12 step program basically to learn how to have healthy relationships.

I dealt with the shutting down in therapy. It was a defense mechanism I learned as a kid. Now I face my fears instead of shutting down. Oh I’m also an aqua moon which is part of it too. So I had to learn a different way.

click to expand

Yes thought the same, codependency issues,, seeking of validation

Posted by Mels

Posted by HoneyXx
do less. they'll love you more.







...thank me later.

It’s hard. I know it sounds nuts. But it’s my nature to give. I can’t help it.

I’ll try tho. I’ve been taken advantage of many times.

But I will try.

Thank you

click to expand

Don’t give without getting first.

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

I’m going to echo some of the same sentiments that have been expressed here but I’m going to go a little deeper. You need to be honest with yourself as to why you keep giving to guys like this. I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, but do you give simply because you are a true giver or do you do it to have power over these men? I know plenty of guys like the ones you’ve dated and your approach isn’t a strength...it’s a weakness and they exploit it. What you have to come to terms with is that they are a reflection of you, the part you need to work on. Those types of guys like having power and control over people and they sense that you give to them only get something you lack and you look for them to provide it instead of doing it on your own...which is happiness. That is exactly how you end up giving your power away.

It is ok to help broken people. But they need to be showing that they are changing before you give anything. Otherwise they’ll just continue to take. In other words, they need to show that they are worth that type of investment. You’re treating them like husbands and they haven’t even shown that they can handle a real commitment. But it circles back to you. You have to develop yourself spiritually. Then you will recognize and be able to receive the love it is you seek. Boundaries...

Posted by Sheever
About douschbag guys, it's sort of similar situation as narcissist and empath attract each other.

If you have strong sense of fairness and boundaries u can cut through instantly where you have to draw a line. Don't be afraid doing so. Respect yourself, others will do that yo you then. Saying no, without guilt might be tough one for you, but remember you re not want to be a doormat of anyone do you? Cut those guys out of your life, and don't pity yourself because of others lack of integrity and manner. It's not your fault. Dont stay in a relationship just for a sake of not being alone.

The most important is to remember :

You teach people how to treat you the way you act, and if you get shit back then it because you allow that to happen and it's only your fault no one elses

Thank you.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Mels
Hi there. I’m a 39 year old Piscean woman. Divorced and with kids. Throughout my life relationships comes and goes. My friends said that I picked the wrong kind. The ones that needed to be saved....douchebags...etc.

Married once and not out of love. Out of duty (pregers).

As you all know we are givers. Many of my friends think I am crazy. But it makes me feel better when I give then receiving. I don’t know how to receive. In fact I feel bad.

Out on dates I always pay half or get the next cheque. I never take advantage of men. I’m creative and intelligent. Hilarious too. In a good way.

But men never seem to stick.

Example.

Last year. Met a cancerian man and dated for three months. Great chemistry. Great conversation. His holiday gift from me was to cater to his company Christmas party. The whole thing. I love cooking and catering (my forte) executed it with grace and class. Then he left me the next day!! Wtf. Ok.

One after him. Mr Virgo. Dated for 4 months. Great everything again. Redid his whole kitchen, care packaged for his work trips, etc... then he left me because he wasn’t ready and he felt overwhelming. I never pushed him in any commitment or anything.

These are just examples of past relationships.

I can never change my personality as a giver.

I do think highly of myself and worth.

What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with the men out there nowadays— Are they all gone? The good ones?

I am talking about men that are between 40-50 here. FYI.

Any advises? Thanks in advance

I’m going to echo some of the same sentiments that have been expressed here but I’m going to go a little deeper. You need to be honest with yourself as to why you keep giving to guys like this. I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, but do you give simply because you are a true giver or do you do it to have power over these men? I know plenty of guys like the ones you’ve dated and your approach isn’t a strength...it’s a weakness and they exploit it. What you have to come to terms with is that they are a reflection of you, the part you need to work on. Those types of guys like having power and control over people and they sense that you give to them only get something you lack and you look for them to provide it instead of doing it on your own...which is happiness. That is exactly how you end up giving your power away.

It is ok to help broken people. But they need to be showing that they are changing before you give anything. Otherwise they’ll just continue to take. In other words, they need to show that they are worth that type of investment. You’re treating them like husbands and they haven’t even shown that they can handle a real commitment. But it circles back to you. You have to develop yourself spiritually. Then you will recognize and be able to receive the love it is you seek. Boundaries...

click to expand

That’s true. Too much too fast.

I’m not a desperate woman. I have my own life with the kids and friends. I give ample space to the man. I am secure in my own way.

But yes I do need to control myself. It isn’t about them. It’s about me. My friends who knows can understand my giving personality. Others get overwhelmed.

Thank you for your post